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“I love you.” He leans in and plants a quick peck on the corner of his lips. The fleeting warmth of a kiss filled with years upon years of longing. Oikawa’s still shaking, after all this time, the tremble in his fingers still there as he clutches onto Hajime’s sleeve, just like the first time. The same sparkling eyes, shining with fear and wonder and all the stars in the universe like it all belonged there. If eyes are the window to a soul then you’re a myriad of stars and explosions and colors against a dark cold night, you’re a supernova.
“Still nothing, huh?” His chocolate brown eyes crinkle at the corner as he lips rise in his widest, saddest smile, the tears that pool in his eyes like liquid gems start to slowly trickle down his cheeks into diamond dust, powdering his face in wet shimmer, glossing his eyelashes between every damp blink.
His little nose scrunches between a soft sniffle, eyes flitting towards his feet as his face starts to flush, the tip of his nose turning pink as he hiccups another cry. He can’t help but think it’s so familiar, nostalgic, he’s watched that pretty face cried numerous times. Tears of frustration, tears of anger, of agony, of loneliness, of fear, of happiness, of bitter sweet memories and heart break. He remembers every single one of those cries, remembers every single specific time, he never forgets the sound or the expression, the furrow of his brow or the flush of his cheeks. Whether from when he was 9 and he fell and scraped his knee while running across Hajime’s porch, whether it was when he was 11 and his grandma died and he hugged Hajime all night long, whether it was the time he won a setting award and heavy droplets spilled over his cheeks with a big honest grin, whether it was the night in highschool when he told Hajime he loved him and Hajime said no.
He starts to turn away, head dipping in shame, letting loose curls fall over his face. Hajime grips his wrist tightly. Oikawa doesn’t move, he can’t tell if it stubbornness or fear that locks him in place.
He lowers his grip until he finds Oikawa’s cold fingers and intertwines them tightly with his own.
He pulls Oikawa closer, free hand reaching to cup around his cheek, thumb brushing back dripping tears.
Oikawa looks utterly miserable, puffy eyed and lips bitten down, when he finally peeks at Hajime again his expression is almost a pout. It makes Hajime bite down a chuckle, he smiles when he leans in and kisses Oikawa.
He pulls away to a stunned pair of doe eyes looking at him wide and hopeful. And he kisses him again, and again, and again.
He feels long arms wrap around his shoulders, hooking around his neck to pull him close in a long deep kiss. His fingers are buried in the nest of soft brown curls, the other toying with the dip of his spine, pushing their hips closer, chests already flush together.
Oikawa sighs into his mouth, leans into every touch, humming pleased at every drum of fingers against his skin. He pulls away only for gasps of air, lips spilling his name like a chant, “Iwa-chan, Iwa-chan, Hajime, I love you, I love you so much.”
Hajime busies his mouth peppering kisses up and down the side of his face, from his temple to his jaw, fingers combing through his hair soothingly.
He founds himself mouthing soft flesh against the nape of his neck, lips greedily smothering him in kisses from his throat to his shoulders.
He pulls Oikawa as close as possible, and kisses right by his ear.
“I’ve wanted to do this since the first time.” The heat of his breath hot on his lobe, teeth moving to nibble slightly.
“Why didn’t you?” There’s a little whine in his tone that’s got Hajime’s heart fluttering fondly.
“I was scared I wasn’t good enough for you.”
“....why?” His voice sounds broken now, thick and hurt. Hajime wants to answer but his throat feels tight suddenly and words become unbearably heavy on his tongue, like lifting tons of lead.
“Why would you ever think that?” There’s as much confusion as anguish in his expression as he grips Hajime by the collar, tears dripping from the corner of his eyes.
It’s not as if he’s changed his mind on that, he’s never felt up to parr to be with someone like Oikawa.
‘Because you’re everything I ever wanted. You’re my stars, my sun and sky. You’re summer days young and free, laughing about nothing. You’re fresh cut grass brushing against bare toes, the buzz of beetles and colors of butterflies, the smell of daffodils and buttercups and the tickle of a warm breeze. Perfect childhood memories.
You’re stupid dreams and endless hope. You’re the stars glittering against the dark night. Crashes and sparks of ambition and frustration, sizzling explosions and dancing sparks of rage and lightning.
You’re a chaos of a man, you fight in a brutal fight with bloodied knuckles and aching joints, you’re a war raging on itself.
You’re burning, bigger and brighter than any flame, you’re a star. Light blazing against the endless abyss of dark insecurities as wide as the night sky.
You’re destruction and beauty, you’re a supernova. The biggest and brightest stars don’t burn out, they explode, they burst with colors and stardust, radiate heat and bleed life into the ebony emptiness.
You are the most beautiful and overwhelming person I’ve ever met.
I’m a man and you’re a galaxy, I’m reality and you’re art. When I think about it like that, there’s no way I’m good enough. All I could do is watch you, look at you through a telescope and love you the way a lunatic loves the moon, dream and think fondly of you like a wanderer to stars.
Because the sky doesn’t belong to anyone.
And yet I’ve always belonged to you. Wrapped around your finger so tightly I couldn’t help but be where ever you were. I can’t think of sadness without you’re crying face, I can’t think of happiness without your smile, I can’t think of anything that doesn’t remind me of you.
I love you just as much when we were kids and we sat side by side in the weeds talking about nothing but dumb stories and ridiculous questions, than I do right now kissing you in my arms.’
“Tooru, you’re everything to me. I was too afraid to lose you, I didn’t want to lose the most important person in my life. You make me so happy…. “
“Hajime…..you too, you make me so happy....you stupid idiot, you’re the best thing in my life…” The words tumble out of his lips slurred between several sniffles and sharp hiccups, cheeks soaked with a heavy pour of tears. He presses their foreheads together, soft locks brushing against Hajime’s skin, the humidity of his breath pressed against Hajime’s cheeks.
“...So don’t you ever think you’re not good enough….You’ve always been more than enough, you’ve always been so much more…..you’re all I need.” The last words come out soft as a whisper, eyes weighing down on him heavily. He feels himself falling deep into the darkness of brown irises staring at him intensely, dragging him in like a black hole. He could get lost in the stars and space of Tooru’s eyes and stay there forever. Instead his lips ghost a small smirk and reaches to cradle of those red blushed cheeks, “You always were such an ugly crier.” He chuckles.
Oikawa’s eyelashes flutter for a moment in shock, followed by a soft snort, eyes crinkling into a familiar grin.
“You’re the worst Iwa-chan.”
“I know,”
“After all these years...I finally have you, of course I’m crying. I think I could cry for days.”
Hajime continues cradling his face, thumbs wiping away new droplets as they fall.
“I just feel so…..lucky.”
“....Yeah, me too.” Hajime lifts one cold hand to his lips and kisses every knuckle and every finger.
“I love you.” He mumbles again, almost mindlessly, his expression is far off and dreamy, as if the words weren’t even intentional but just fall out naturally.
“I love you too.”
It’s not always you can hold someone’s hand and feel the other half of your soul in their touch. It’s not often you can hold someone and feel like the entire universe is cradled in your arms. It’s not often that stars collide. He supposes they’re just lucky.