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Even before his enlightenment, Enki was never one for company.
The concept of family was strained from birth. He was made to view the only family he ever had as competition, one that ended in pitiful failure. He often wondered what his sister made with her life.
The concept of friends was even stranger to him. Why would he want friends? What was there to gain? Friends would not aid him in his quest for knowledge, his path to true enlightenment. They would not care. Except somebody had.
Despite his nature, Enki found himself at Nosramus’s door within the dungeons of Fear and Hunger.
He would never call Nosramus a friend. An “equal” was a more apt choice of words. Enki did not quite have the power and influence of the old gods, yet he could and had crushed mortals and the new gods alike under his boots. Nosramus was his only true equal, an enlightened soul with great knowledge fated to be virtually forgotten.
He let himself into Nosramus’s room, if it could be called that. The acrid smell of alchemical experimentation settled in the damp air. They did not look up from their alembic when he entered, but hummed a quiet greeting. Their long hair shrouded their face from view.
Enki sat in a hard chair against the wall, waiting. What he was waiting for, he did not know. It didn’t matter, the silence between the two was comfortable. After a while of tinkering away, Nosramus asked, “Are you here for something?” The question was not accusatory, merely curious. “No,” Enki replied. The corner of Nosramus’s mouth quirked upwards. “I’ll put on the kettle, then,” they said.
Enki wondered how Nosramus interpreted his occasional visits. The visits where the two did nothing but drink tea (made dubiously from some of the wildlife in the caves) and talk about everything and nothing. He himself did not know how to interpret them, or why he kept coming back. At first, he was able to come up with excuses. A request to pick Nosramus’s brain here, a fresh interpretation of one of the grand library’s books there…
He eventually stopped using excuses, as they seemed to him immature. Nosramus didn’t seem to mind.
The sound of the shrieking kettle shook Enki out of his thoughts. “Hush,” said Nosramus from under their breath, taking it off the stove and preparing the two cups of tea. The clinking of cups and spoons was soothing to Enki, and it nearly distracted from the creaking and groaning emanating from the dungeon. The room almost felt…comfortable.
A hot, glass cup with ancient markings painted on the sides was gently placed in Enki’s hands. Nosramus stood over him, smiling warmly. They sat on the ground, legs crossed. Enki frowned. “You need more chairs.” Nosramus let out a soft laugh, but said nothing in reply. With a huff, Enki stood, moved his chair to the side, and sat on the floor in front of them. The ground was cold and rough, and not at all where he wanted to be. Still, Nosramus was there, so too would he be.
He took in their features as he drank his tea. He couldn’t make sense of how well-kempt they were despite living in these filthy dungeons. Their hair was long and thick, yet never tangled and impossibly smooth. Enki’s hair, on the other hand, was always flat with grease and slightly ratty, closely resembling the grey moss that sometimes hung from trees. Nosramus was also never dirty. A bit dusty perhaps, but that was to be expected. Enki’s eyes traveled to their lips. His were dry and bitten. Their’s looked soft…
What was I thinking about again? He took a sip of tea, hiding his face with the cup.
Nosramus was staring back at him when he put the cup down, their mouth curved upwards. “Why do you look at me so?” They asked. “Is my face more interesting than the grand library or your own writings?” A brief flash of fear shook its way through Enki, followed by a creeping annoyance. Nosramus had never questioned why he came over instead of getting work done before, why would they start now? He could fill his mind with unfathomable information day after day and it would still be less exhausting than thinking of a reasonable explanation for why he would waste his time here.
Instead, Enki stayed silent. He thought Nosramus would leave him alone after that, but they instead set down their tea and scooted closer. Fear bloomed in Enki’s chest as their face came just inches from his. He didn’t know why he felt this way. “You want to study my face, perhaps?” Nosramus questioned. Their eyes were playful, and they jokingly moved their head from side to side so that all angles could be seen. After some silence they asked, “So what did you discern from that? Am I beautiful?”
Enki’s mouth felt incredibly dry. Nosramus was just teasing him, yet he felt compelled to answer. “Yes.” It slipped off his tongue before his mind could catch up to prevent it. His robe suddenly felt entirely too hot.
“Oh?” Nosramus exclaimed with a pleased smile, evidently not expecting an answer from him. Enki could see their pupils dilate from this distance. “Well, let’s see what I can glean from your face. It’s only fair,” they rationalized.
Enki froze as they looked intently at every surface of his face. He was always acutely aware that many found him unattractive, though he was never worried about it until now. He didn’t understand why he suddenly cared. It wouldn’t change anything if Nosramus found him ugly or beautiful.
Would it?
The brush of cool hands startled him. Nosramus was brushing his hair behind his ears and touching his face. “Forgive me, I’m more of a kinesthetic learner. You understand, yes?” They asked, a sheepish smile on their lips.
Enki couldn’t do much more than nod. Every touch of Nosramus’s hands left a trail of heat that soon covered his entire face. They gently tilted his head this way and that, gazing upon every pore and crevice. Their thumbs brushed over his eyebrows, slowly making their way down his temples, his cheekbones, down to his lips. Nosramus lightly traced the dramatic line of his cupid's bow before meandering down to his lower lip, parting it slightly. They gazed at his mouth curiously.
Slowly, Nosramus took their hands away. Enki realized he was holding his breath, and breathed in with a shuddering gasp. He was about to ask what their verdict was when Nosramus said, almost in a whisper, "I think you're beautiful too." All the humor in their expression was replaced with a firm seriousness.
Enki's chest was so tight he felt like someone was reaching in and squeezing his heart. It was suffocating, and yet he didn't want it to stop. He trembled as Nosramus scooted even closer, their nose nearly touching his. "So what now?" They murmured. With a torturously slow pace, Nosramus touched their forehead to his, lightly trailed their lips down his cheek, and planted a kiss on the corner of his mouth. Warmth bloomed from the spot kissed and flowed throughout Enki's entire body. He was reminded of his mortal flesh all at once, something that was usually only achieved by fear, hunger, or pain. But this was none of those, or perhaps it was all three.
Enki didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want Nosramus to stop, but he was afraid of what might happen if they continued. His feelings were incomprehensible to him. Typically, when he felt a strong emotion, it was because of the dungeon. It had an unnatural power over those who entered, instilling terror within even Enki’s unwavering mind. Yet the nature of it was comforting—it meant these emotions weren’t Enki’s fault or doing.
But these strong feelings he carried for Nosramus weren’t a product of the dungeons. These feelings were entirely his fault. The thought troubled him greatly.
Nosramus must have sensed his confliction, as they soon asked, “Is this okay?” How embarrassing. Am I so easily read? He nodded, face flushed, compelled to keep Nosramus close to him without knowing why. They smiled sincerely and moved closer, their body nearly pressed against Enki’s. His heart raced.
Nosramus leaned in, this time with no apparent intention of missing his mouth. Their lips pressed against his, soft and warm. It was chaste, but still more exciting than anything Enki had ever experienced, perhaps second only to reaching near-godhood. Or maybe not. He was flooded with more emotion now than he was in the void.
He expected that kiss to be the only one, to go back to drinking tea and occasionally chatting, except with more tension this time. But Nosramus brought their lips down upon Enki's again. And again. He felt cool, slender hands hold the sides of his face, thumbs caressing his cheeks. Nosramus's hands moved to idly trace his jawline, then traveled to outline the shell of his ear, hidden beneath hair that was gently brushed away. Their touches were feather-light, and Enki shivered with pleasure.
His senses were flooded with Nosramus. The smell of old books and chemicals seemed to permeate his very mind, creating an exact image of them in his head. Long hair tickled his face. Their kisses became more open-mouthed, and Enki couldn't stifle the pathetic sound that escaped his lips when their tongues touched. His eyes were closed, but he could feel a smile form on Nosramus's lips.
Enki was entirely unfamiliar with kissing and other physical romantic and sexual gestures. He had no experience other than what he occasionally saw and heard in the city and, of course, the dungeons. He didn't know what to do with his tongue, his hands, his body. He tried to mirror how Nosramus kissed him, and they didn't seem to dislike it.
His now clammy hands were dead weight at his sides. To remedy this, he gingerly touched Nosramus's arm, gently tugging them towards him. They let out a pleased sigh and fully leaned into Enki, their chest flush against his.
The entire situation was dizzying. Nosramus's body was cool, yet their touches felt like fire on his skin. Their lips were impossibly soft and pliant, occasionally capturing and pulling slightly on his bottom lip. The normal sounds of the dungeon seemed to fade away, replaced only by the sound of wet kisses and spontaneous moans. It rang in Enki's ears.
Nosramus trailed kisses down from his mouth to his chin, his jaw, his neck. They pulled the collar of his robes down with a finger for better access. The pressure of wet lips on his neck sent waves of pleasure down Enki's body, and he whimpered, digging his fingers into Nosramus's hair.
From the crook of his neck, Nosramus broke what had been a lengthy silence. "How are your writings coming along?" They murmured.
Now? Seriously? It took Enki a long time to finally try to answer, his mind foggy from affection. But Nosramus reached his mouth again as he began to speak and his words were smothered with kisses. He didn't mind.
They parted from him again and looked at him questioningly. "Enki? Your book? Is it coming along well?" He stared, dumbfounded. They still wanted an answer to that? "It's complicated-" he started, but Nosramus's lips were upon his again. He let out an aggravated huff against their mouth.
Another parting. "You were saying?" They said, innocently tilting their head. Enki squinted his eyes skeptically, wondering whether he should actually say anything or not. Eventually he asked with annoyance, "Are you going to let me fini-" He was silenced once again by a smiling mouth, finally understanding. This was a game, and Nosramus was toying with him. The revelation made the experience much more bearable.
The two stayed attached to each other for some time, kissing languidly. The ground had become uncomfortably hard under their bodies, and Nosramus stood up with a quick parting smooch. They took Enki's cup, looking appalled by how much tea was left, forgotten and lukewarm. "Such a naughty guest, not drinking all his tea…" They admonished.
Enki glared at them, but couldn't prevent the creeping heat in his face. "I'll just have to make some more," Nosramus sighed. "And then you can tell me about your book finally? You've been cagey with the details." He glared harder. Nosramus grinned, a mischievous look on their face. Cheeky.
"Don't look at me like that Enki! All jokes. I will listen this time," they promised. "Good," he said. Though he would never admit it, he wouldn't have cared if Nosramus interrupted him again.
Was this peace?