Chapter Text
“Wait, where the hell are you going?”
Danny blithely ignores him as he leans forward, peers around the corner, and makes a careful left turn into traffic.
“But Peterson’s place is the other way,” Steve says, pointing behind them unnecessarily.
“That is correct,” Danny says with an exaggerated nod, “but we can’t talk to him for another two hours. And in this traffic, it doesn’t make sense to go all the way back across town to the office. So we’re running an errand.”
“An errand.”
“Yeah, an errand,” Danny says, shrugging. “That’s what I said.”
“What kind of errand?”
“I need to buy a bed.”
“A bed,” Steve says flatly.
“Seriously, are you broken or something?” Danny says, reaching over to poke him hard on the shoulder, in a vain attempt to restart him. “You’re just repeating what I’m saying to you. Yes, a bed.”
“Why do you need a bed?”
“I’m increasingly convinced that all the gunfire has given you brain damage. Do you not remember helping me move last weekend? New apartment? With actual bedrooms? Ringing a bell? Hence the need for a new bed.”
“Why are we doing this now?”
“I’m going to let that question slide since you’ve never had the privilege—and yes, it’s a privilege, stop it with that look—of sleeping on that pull-out. If you had, you would understand my haste to get a real bed as soon as fucking possible. Yesterday, preferably, but today will have to do.”
“See, this is what happens when I let you drive,” Steve says with a huff as he crosses his arms.
“Let? That’s a bit of a stretch. I stole your keys from your office this morning when you were in the bathroom, and you’ve been sulking about it ever since. When the fuck did you get those made, anyway?”
“Don’t worry about it,” Steve says absently, his eyes busy scanning the parking lot for a spot. “There might be one over there.”
“And there’s one right here,” Danny says as he pulls into a spot in the back row.
“But that one’s closer to the store.”
“You practically swim around the island every morning. Is an extra 30 yards really going to kill you?”
“No, furniture shopping is going to kill me,” Steve says, slamming the door with a little more force than necessary.
Danny rolls his eyes with a snort. “You can throw your temper tantrum later, princess, come on. I don’t trust you unsupervised—you’re like a four-year-old, but worse because you’re armed.”
“Why are you making me do this?”
“Consider it punishment for making unauthorized copies of my car keys,” Danny says dryly. “Ooh, look, they put the furniture store right next to the mattress store, how convenient is that.”
Danny heads for the furniture store first, but Steve grabs his arm and steers him toward the mattress one instead. “You should do this one first.”
“Since when are you the bed-buying expert?”
“Uh, when I bought one last year,” Steve says as he drags him through the door. “You get it, get out, then you’re done. Boom, we’ll be done in 20 minutes, minimal casualties.”
“You just like to turn things into military operations for fun, huh?”
“You can’t hate on the efficiency, Danno. Let’s go.”
“You named it, didn’t you?” Danny says, grinning, and Steve snorts.
“Yeah, Operation Danny is an Asshole. Come on.”
Danny surveys the truly alarming amount of mattresses in the large space and winces. A salesman preys on his fear—they can smell it, he swears—and approaches them. “Hi, there, gentlemen. Can I help you?”
“Yes, we’re looking for a bed,” Steve says smoothly, and the guy smiles, clearly happy that he’s found his next victims.
“Wonderful, here, come with me.”
“We?” Danny mouths, but Steve is already following the guy across the showroom. Danny lifts his eyes heavenward and follows.
“So what size are you looking for?” the guy asks.
“Uh, a full,” Danny says, and he nods.
“A full? Really, Danny?” Steve says, tilting his head, but Danny ignores him.
“Over here on this back wall are several of our most popular models, in a variety of types. Those few on the right are thicker, which we recommend for our larger customers. I’ll give you two several minutes to test them out, please let me know if you have any questions.”
“Did he just call me large?” Steve hisses, after the salesman is out of earshot.
“Well, I don’t think he was talking about me,” Danny says, and he can’t hold back a laugh at the murderous look on Steve’s face. “You are a fairly large human being. Don’t take it personally, you’re still the prettiest one of all. And what, no complaints about how he’s assuming you’ll be in my bed?”
Steve shrugs carefully, looking away, and Danny files that one away to think about later. Sometimes he really thinks Steve is flirting with him, and it often throws him for a loop. Would he be amenable? Fuck yes, but he hasn’t yet found the courage to do anything about it himself. Danny sometimes tries to suss out Steve’s feelings, but he truly has no idea if he flirts with him sometimes or if he just has a bad grasp of normal social behaviors.
Speaking of the emotionally-challenged Neanderthal, he walks up to the first mattress and promptly falls onto it, spread out on his stomach like a starfish.
“What the fuck is wrong with you, you octopus? Do you know nothing about proper bed etiquette?” Danny says as he lies down on the bed like a proper human being, shoving aside Steve’s arm and leg to do so.
“This would not be an issue if you were getting a king,” Steve mumbles, the words muffled by the mattress.
“Urgh, this is too soft,” Danny says, shifting restlessly. “I feel like I’m falling into a hole. Next one, let’s go.”
Steve repeats his sprawl on the next bed, but Danny only lies on it for about half a second before he levers back up. “Nope, way too hard. Reminds me of the pull-out.”
Steve groans and slides off the bed. “Man, you are picky.”
“I am entitled to be picky, you spend about a third of your life in your bed. Well, not you. And not me, either, thanks to you. But normal people with normal jobs.”
“Well, let’s hope this is the one because my patience is running out.”
“Oh, this is you being patient?” Danny says. Glaring at him, Steve pushes him onto the bed and rearranges them into kind of a slumped-over spooning position, with Steve tucked behind him and mostly on top of him. Dazed, Danny just looks down at Steve’s forearm, currently wrapped around his waist, and doesn’t resist. He absently notes that Steve smells really good.
“Uh, babe, what are you doing?” he asks, trying to angle his head so Steve can actually hear him.
“The best way to test out a bed is to assume the position that you actually sleep in,” he says, sounding eerily calm.
“You know we don’t actually share a bed, right?” Danny asks. Steve snorts but doesn’t answer him. Is this the McGarrett style of flirting? Just literally come on to a person in bed and hold them captive with your wiles and your biceps?
“I like this one, you should get it,” Steve says before lifting himself off Danny and rolling off the bed.
Danny lies there for an extra couple seconds, mourning the loss of Steve’s weight. Fuck it, this one will do. He eventually sits up and finds the salesman to place an order.
It only takes Danny about 20 minutes to pick out a bed frame, and soon they’re back in the car. Sometime in the last 45 minutes, Steve had snitched Danny’s car keys out of his pocket, that ninja, so he’s happily lounging in the driver’s seat.
“So, you need help breaking in that bed?” Steve says, and that little half-smirk he’s got going on really should not be so attractive.
“Huh? I’m pretty sure it isn’t going to be delivered until next week...” Danny says, pretending to be obtuse. The effort it takes to keep his face blank is completely worth it, though, to see Steve’s face scrunch up into a new version of aneurysm face, one that says “why isn’t this person responding to my flirting.” Danny hasn’t seen that one before, it’s a pretty fun one.
“Seriously, Danny, I swear—”
“I was just doing the world a service by pointing out what a truly terrible line that was,” Danny interrupts, and maybe he rambles when he’s a little nervous, okay? “I mean, for the love of god, that is the most clichéd—”
Clearly fed up with words for the time being, Steve growls and interrupts far more effectively, leaning over and sealing his mouth over Danny’s. Danny inhales sharply, surprised, but gets with the program quickly and sneaks a hand into Steve’s hair. Steve licks into his mouth immediately—zero to 60, no surprise there—but Danny tries to snag some control back by nipping at Steve’s lower lip. The little moan that Steve then releases into his mouth is immensely gratifying, and Danny can’t help but smile into the kiss as he brushes a thumb against the stubble lining Steve’s jaw.
He pulls back with a laugh, feeling like he’s nine fucking feet tall, and pats Steve on the thigh. “Come on, let’s go talk to Peterson, and then I’ll introduce you to the pull-out. It’s great, you’re gonna love it.”