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Ed can’t sleep.
He’s tired, and he’s been in bed for an hour already, but he can’t sleep. Fucked up, being tired but not sleepy. So here he lies, one arm tucked behind his head and the other holding his phone on his chest, absently scrolling through TikTok.
Scroll, pause for a few seconds, scroll. Cooking video, dance compilation, screaming huskies, scroll. Ed pauses on a rug power wash time lapse video, disassociating a bit as it makes his brain tingle pleasantly to watch this guy take a rug that was pitch black and clean it so well it reveals its bright colors and designs at the end. This one’s his favorite because they put large googly eyes on the scrubbing machine. Good shit.
And then he scrolls some more.
This goes on for some time, and Ed’s just scrolling on instinct, and he loses track of how much time passes. Only a few more, he thinks as he finally starts to yawn.
Scroll. Pause. Scroll. Pause.
A video starts that’s facing a closed door inside of a room, the footage wobbling slightly for a moment and the sound of a throat clearing. Ed yawns again and knows this is his sign to finally call it, but as the person starts speaking Ed freezes.
“Right, so, hi all! There’s been so many requests for a Closet Tour recently and I figured, why not! So, here we are! Welcome!”
Ed knows that voice. Eyes wide, he shoots up into a sitting position and grips his phone tightly. Yeah, he’s real fucking awake now. This voice is a bucket of cold water being dumped on Ed’s head that instantly warms him from the inside out and makes his stomach flutter like a teenager.
That voice belongs to his best fucking friend, Stede Bonnet. This is only further confirmed as the door opens to reveal the aforementioned closet within, stuffed to the brim with colors and fabrics that Ed knows all too well. Shit, he’s worn that one, watching a ring-clad hand reach out and stroke the arm of a salmon pink suit. Stede continues to talk, narrating this tour as he calls attention to various pieces, but his words are nothing more than a pleasant buzz in Ed’s head as the shock of this discovery really settles in.
“What the fuck,” he says softly, mouth agape in disbelief. Ed wouldn’t believe it, but there’s no denying what he’s seeing. This is Stede. On TikTok. “What the fuck?”
“These here are what I like to call my autumn vibe,” Stede chuckles proudly as he gets to a section of the closet with suits in greens, browns, and grays, followed by cable knit sweaters in dark red and cream and green that Ed’s fingers twitch with the instinctive need to touch because he knows how soft they are, and he knows how deliciously handsome Stede looks in them.
Ed tears his eyes away from the video footage itself to take in the details around it. He’s drawn first to the stats on the left, and his eyes practically bug out when he sees the numbers.
29.7k likes, 1,293 comments, 1,604 bookmarks, and 1,426 shares.
“What the fuck?” Ed repeats. He blinks and huffs, shaking his head as a delighted grin spreads across his face. This is fucking mental. Ed’s head is spinning, and as he pauses the video for a moment to pull up the comments, an almost delirious laugh escapes him.
Yesssssss King!
I waaaaant! 😫 But my closet is very very narrow.
damn so this guy’s like, RICH rich, huh?
omfg this is the kind of closet I dream about in my sleep
- lmao forget the closet this is the kind of MAN I dream about in my sleep 🥵CLOSET REVEAL FROM THE GENTLEMAN?! FINALLY!! 👏👏👏
can u be my dad?
GOALS
Godddd, this level of organization makes my autistic brain tingle, this is so satisfying.
I don’t even care what’s being said rn, I just hope he keeps talking forever 😍
They go on and on like this, and the more Ed scrolls, the more his head spins. Backing out, he resumes the video and watches the rest of the closer tour. His heart skips a beat every time Stede lets out a little giggle, something he typically always does after making some corny joke. Ed’s grin never fades, causing his cheeks to ache as the camera pans around to where Stede’s skirts and dresses hang, followed by his summer linens and then his casual wear.
Stede’s hand makes an appearance a few times, and he never stops confidently chatting and explaining his organization techniques, but his face never makes an appearance. As the closet tour comes to a close, the camera pans over to the full-length mirror Ed knows he keeps there, and Ed sucks in a sharp gasp. Stede’s dressed in his stunning powder blue suit, the one that Ed has imagined slowly peeling off of the man more times than he can count, and while his face still isn’t in full view thanks to the way he’s holding up his phone, Ed’s able to admire the artful, perfect sweep of Stede’s hair.
“That’s it for today, I believe!” Stede says brightly. “I hope this has met all of your expectations. Let me know if there are any burning questions you’d like me to answer in a future video! Until next time, sleep well, spread love, and I’ll see you soon.”
Stede lifts his free hand and presses two fingers against his forehead, and then pushes them forward in a salute and clicks his tongue softly, and the video restarts.
“You’re such a dork,” Ed says affectionately, shaking his head. Biting his lip, he navigates away from the video, clicking on the little photo on the right to go to Stede’s profile.
Front and center, the bold numbers he sees at the top of Stede’s page makes Ed sputter in surprise. Stede—his best friend, who has never told him this account even existed—has 6.5 million followers and almost 170 million overall likes. As Ed scrolls through, he notices that Stede’s videos (of which there are MANY) easily average at least 900k views, and that’s on the small end of the numbers.
Stede, Ed’s dorky best friend, is fucking TikTok famous.
“What the fuck?!”
Well, there’s no way Ed’s going to be able to go to sleep now. So, he slides out of bed, grabs a glass of water, and curls up on his couch. He grabs the large purple octopus plushie Stede had given him for his birthday, hugs it to his chest, and starts watching.
As it turns out, Stede’s account—The Gentleman Fashioner—is full of “get ready with me” videos. Ed smiles against the rim of his water glass during Stede’s greeting as he selects one at random, his stomach flipping as Stede’s voice comes through his phone speaker. The video is a close-up on his face, his hair unstyled and his smile soft. “Hi all! It’s the Gentleman Fashioner here, and today I’m meeting a friend slash coworker for coffee before an afternoon of meetings, but. Well, that’s not what we’re here for! Get ready with me?”
The video cuts to a full body view of Stede, and Ed almost chokes on his water in an effort to keep from spitting it all over his phone. He’s standing in his bedroom wearing boxers, a tank top, and socks, and Ed feels fucking faint. He has a hard enough time keeping his immense crush on Stede under wraps on a good day but seeing him so… so unclothed is making his head spin.
“Fuck,” Ed says softly, closing his eyes and pressing his glass against his forehead. The video continues, Stede talking about what he’s picked out for the day and getting into it, but Ed needs a fucking moment. He takes a few deep breaths, and by the time he’s opened his eyes again, Stede’s got his trousers on and is pulling on a button-up shirt.
Ed watches as Stede finishes getting dressed, and then the video cuts to another close-up. He’s in the bathroom now, and he’s going through the remainder of his routine that Ed is naturally familiar with after being friends with him for so long. He’s washing his face and styling his hair, and the entire time Stede is talking; he mentions what products he’s using and quickly explains his routine and the importance of caring for one’s skin.
“It might sound silly but trust me when I say some days this routine has been the only thing to pull me out of a depressive episode and get me out of the bed.” Stede looks directly into the camera and gives a gentle, lopsided grin. “It’s one of the ways I can be kind to myself. And what do I always say? It’s important to always be kind to yourself, every single day. Even when things feel like they’re stacked up against you.”
Then, he’s back to fixing his hair and chatting away, like he hadn’t just wrapped Ed’s brain in one of those fluffy blankets he keeps draped over the back of his couch. Ed blinks back an unexpected surge of tears welling up in his eyes and huffs. Christ.
Stede’s tugging on a tie a moment later and nodding at the camera. “And that’s it for today,” he says. “Thank you as always for joining me. Until next time, make today great, spread love, and I’ll see you soon.”
The salute and the click of the tongue, just like the other video, and then Stede’s adding a smiling wink before the video restarts. Ed backs out of it and pulls in a slow, deep breath through his nose. This is insane, absolutely mental, and it’s incredible. Stede’s good at this. Ed’s seen two videos and yeah, okay, he’s biased because it’s Stede for fuck’s sake, but he can see why he’s got 6.5 million followers. Stede’s charm and passion is on full display here, something that Ed has been ensnared by the entire time they’ve known each other. He has no idea how Stede came about even being on TikTok, let alone having found his niche and built such a following around it, but it makes perfect fucking sense.
The question swirling around in Ed’s brain, though, is why has Stede never told him about this account? There has to be some reason for it, but Es can’t fathom what reason that could be. Surely Stede knows that Ed will support anything he ever decides to do. Right? Stede knows him better than anyone. Stede has always had confidence issues—not that one could tell by watching these videos, or by the general way Stede approaches things—but even still, he knows Ed is a safe place.
Ed tries not to think too hard into that at the moment, even as he chews absently on his thumbnail and frowns slightly at his phone. How does he tell Stede he’s found the account? Does he just … text him? No, that feels weird. Ed shakes his head and finishes off his water, sets the glass down, and goes to another video.
He’ll figure it out. Somehow. Hopefully.
Each video is fucking amazing, and in record time, Ed’s smiling so hard his cheeks hurt. Stede’s charm is cranked up to a hundred, and he smiles and laughs so easily as he shows off his outfits. Each video is peppered with ridiculous jokes and encouraging words, modes that Stede somehow transitions back and forth between so seamlessly it takes Ed off guard every time. Stede talks about his kids and makes loose references to the crew, talking about them without giving too much away. Ed’s breath hitches when Stede mentions him, and the brilliant smile that appears on his face alongside the words “my best friend” causes Ed’s vision to blur. Sometimes he recognizes the outfits, combined with the vague context clues, and he can remember specifically what event or lunch or hangout Stede is getting ready for.
Sometimes it seems like the times that Stede is going to be hanging out with Ed comes with a specific energy that isn’t present in every one of these videos. Or maybe Ed’s looking too much into it. Yeah, that’s probably it.
The comments on each video all seem to harness the same vibe as that first one; comments on the clothing, people calling Stede their dad (and daddy, which makes Ed snort so hard he chokes), occasional random trolls that typically get buried in positivity, they go on and on. There’s a community here, and it’s really fucking cool to see. And through it all, each video Ed scrolls through next, he’s met with Stede’s gorgeous email and eager, wonderful words, and …
Fuck.
Ed’s chest is tight with how much affection he has for this man. He’s been hopeless for a while, he knows this. Fang, Ivan, and Izzy know it. Lucius teases him endlessly about it. He’s in love with his best friend and hasn’t had the balls to do anything about it. That love sits heavy in his chest, fit to burst more and more as he goes through all Stede’s “get ready with me” videos, losing all track of time as he scrolls.
Before he knows it, it’s almost 3am. Shit. Ed sets his phone down on the couch and rubs his face with both hands, a big yawn finally escaping him again. He has to be up in a few hours, he really needs to get some sleep, and finally the reality of this discovery has settled deep into Ed’s chest and mind. It’s enough that he finally closes out of the app, after bookmarking Stede’s newest video so he won’t lose him and drags himself to bed.
He passes out with a smile on his face and Stede’s voice echoing in his mind.
Ed creates a backup TikTok account, one that’s much less obviously belonging to him than his normal one is. With this account up and running, he follows Stede’s account and sets up activity notifications. He can already hear Izzy now telling him to just grow some fucking balls, but if there really is a reason Stede hasn’t told him about his account yet, Ed doesn’t want Stede to find out he knows it exists by a notification. Nah, Ed’s gonna find a way to bring it up somehow, or at least give Stede some openings to bring it up himself. He’s been meaning to make a backup account anyway, just in case. The world of social media is a volatile one. It’s not that he’s chickening out of just calling Stede up and saying “hey, so you showed up on my for you page, that’s so fucking cool, man.” Nope.
Stede posts new videos pretty frequently. Every two or three days, Ed receives the notification of a new video and drops everything he’s doing to watch it immediately. They’re so endearing, Ed’s so fucking in love with him. The videos continue on like this, but one day, Stede makes a comment that makes Ed stop breathing.
“Remember that I see you,” Stede says as he’s folding and messing with the pocket square he’s adding to the suit he has pulled on. “Even if I haven’t responded or answered your question here yet, I see all of you. And I’m glad you’re here, never forget this.”
Ed smiles dreamily and rests his chin in his free hand. Stede continues. “A lot of folks in the comments have talked about struggling with being alone or looking for love. Love is scary, it’s true. But it’s a good kind of scary. All any of us want is to be loved, and to find our person. And, well, I’m certainly no different. You all know I encourage bravery, to take that leap and see what happens. But I know that can be easier said than done. Because folks, I’ll admit, I’m having trouble harnessing my own bravery in this regard.”
Pocket square affixed, Stede glances up at the camera with a slightly more reserved smile than normal. The difference is so small, Ed wonders if most of his viewers will even realize. But Ed does. Because Ed knows Stede.
“We all deserve love in any and all forms that come to us.” Stede pulls on his tie next, tilting his head as he shows the garment off. “Now this particular tie is a rather exquisite blend of cashmere and silk. The feel of it is invigorating; absolutely worth the price tag.”
Ed can’t stop himself from imagining that he’s there, standing in front of Stede and running a hand down the front of his chest, feeling the material of the tie and the solid warmth of Stede’s body under his palm. He shivers slightly and sighs.
“So today, my crew, I say to consider that which you have been unable to be brave about in your lives.” Stede tilts his chin as he pulls the tie snug against his collar. “Change does not need to be immediate but try to take those first steps towards going for it. I promise you; I will endeavor to do the same. We are all worth it.”
And with that, Stede recites his sign-off, throws his salute and clicks his tongue, and with that charming fucking wink, the video ends and restarts.
Ed’s heart pounds as Stede’s words are ringing in his ears. Bravery regarding love … Is Ed foolish enough to hope? He doesn’t have any reason to suspect, well, at least he doesn’t think he has any reason to suspect, but. Shit, his thoughts are all over the place. Letting out a slow breath, Ed bites his lip as he pulls up the comments box and, for the first time, leaves a comment of his own.
You should give it a go, man. Never know what’ll happen.
His is not the only comment sending encouraging words Stede’s way, alongside others thanking him for the advice and folks saying they’ll try. There’s also a story or two from folks who found their bravery and got a partner out of it, which is heartwarming to see.
Stede says he reads every comment. Ed hopes they’re making him smile too.
Thing is, Stede still isn’t saying anything to him. They hang as much as always, text and FaceTime constantly, but not once does TikTok enter the conversation, and no sign of whatever bravery he mentions in his videos. To be fair, though, Ed’s not been able to find his bravery either. Not for mentioning TikTok, and certainly not for admitting his feelings for Stede. So, he’s not one to talk.
Every time Stede’s discussion hints at the topic in his videos, though, those are the ones Ed makes sure to comment on every time.
You’re a catch, anyone would be lucky to date you
Damn right you deserve happiness
Dunno, bet something’s more within reach than you’d expect
Ed’s trying. He’s trying to find his courage. But every time he picks up his phone with the intent to call or text and ask Stede out on the proper date, he freezes. Why does he fucking freeze?
He knows why.
He’s scared fucking shitless.
Stede is his best friend. What if Ed’s gotten this all wrong? If he has, and he puts it out there, it could fuck everything up. That cruel little voice in the back of his mind loves to remind him of that, and that’s why. That’s why he can’t find the balls to tell Stede that he’s so fucking in love with him, he can’t breathe.
But hey, baby steps, right? He needs to tell Stede he found the TikTok account. It’s ridiculous that he hasn’t yet. If Ed can take that step, maybe, just maybe, it’ll be the push he needs to take other steps. Maybe a simple text is the way to go in this case, since he’s not been able to bring it up to Stede in person yet for whatever reason. Ed hums and picks up his phone, pulling up his chat with Stede and chewing on the inside of his lip as his thumbs hover over the keyboard.
Hey, so I was scrolling on TikTok the other night and
[delete]
Stede, mate, I didn’t know you did TikTok!
[delete]
I should just tell you I love you, I love you I love you I’m SO in love with you I
[delete delete delete]
Ed groans and throws his phone down on his bed in frustration. With a sigh, he stares up at the ceiling and frowns. This should not be so hard. He’s a grown man, for fuck’s sake. A grown man who’s so down bad for his best friend he feels insane over it. Thing is, if Ed is way off base, Stede would surely handle it with grace. Well … no, actually, Stede would probably freeze and visibly cringe while trying to let Ed down nicely and utterly fail at it, which would be pretty mortifying but also so adorably on brand for him that Ed can fucking picture it perfectly. Which is definitely not helping his case as he sits here trying to psych himself up for getting into potentially that exact situation.
“Fuck,” he groans, sitting down heavily on the edge of the bed and bouncing softly. “Fuuuuuck!”
He digs his fingers in his hair and grips tightly in attempts to ground himself, closing his eyes and breathing deeply. It’s not a big deal. It’s fine. He can just text Stede and ask him out for drinks. They do that all the time. Just ask him for drinks, and then just …
Just what? Chicken out again?
“Signs point to yes,” Ed says out loud, grimacing. After a moment, his phone vibrates in response. Ed furrows his eyebrows and glances over, seeing the screen light up with a message from the man himself. Instantly, Ed’s heart is in his throat, and he huffs as he reaches for his phone.
Ed! Drinks soon? :)
“Are you fucking psychic?” Ed asks his phone, biting his lip as he starts to grin as if he wasn’t just sitting here agonizing over life itself. He stares at that smiley face and pulls up the message, hesitating briefly as he considers his response.
man, when are you gonna start using emojis like the rest of us?
Is that not … I am, though?
you’re not
What’s this then? :)
a smiley text, mate
stop ignoring your emoji keyboard, it feels lonely 😢
So, it should be this?
🙂
… yknow nm, that makes me feel weird
drinks? fuck yeah, let’s do it
Wonderful!
They go back and forth as they solidify things, Ed grinning brightly and shaking his head the entire time. Within minutes, they’ve got plans set for Friday, and Ed’s got to set his internal panic aside for a little while at least so he can fucking sleep.
As he’s brushing his teeth before bed, his phone buzzes with another text from Stede.
My emoji keyboard told me that your caps lock feels neglected. 😉
Ed snorts so hard he almost chokes on his toothpaste.
fuck off 😘
Friday rolls around and Ed’s standing in front of his bathroom mirror, trying to decide what to fucking do with his hair, when his phone lights up with a notification from TikTok. He freezes in the middle of pulling half his hair back into a bun and immediately drops the strands as he goes for his phone instead.
Ed only has notifications on for one account. Are his palms sweating? Fuck.
He opens the app.
“Hi all!” Stede beams, and his hair looks so soft, and Ed’s heart rate shoots up. “As most of you know, it’s the Gentleman Fashioner here, but if you are new to my videos, hello and welcome! Tonight, I’m going to be meeting my best friend in the entire world for drinks. We do our best to hang out at least once a week, and I’m looking forward to relaxing; it’s been a long week! Get ready with me?”
It feels a bit like cheating, like peeking into the closet where he knows the Christmas presents are being hidden before they get wrapped. But there’s no way Ed’s not going to watch the entire video, so he turns and rests his hip against the edge of his sink to settle in for its duration. Stede can only be seen from the waist up at the moment, and he’s wearing a plain white t-shirt that’s stretched deliciously across his torso.
“We’re going for casual tonight,” Stede says as he reaches forward to adjust his phone and leave it propped carefully in place, before he takes a small step back and tugs open his closet. “At least, casual for me. So, I’m thinking of an incredibly comfortable pair of jeans and a nice sweater. Hold tight.”
He disappears into the closet for a moment and comes back out a moment later with items draped over one arm. As he continues talking, he tugs on what Ed recognizes to be Stede’s favorite pair of dark blue skinny jeans. Then the sweater, oh the sweater he’s pulling over his head is the insanely soft black cable knit one with the loose turtleneck that hugs Stede’s body like it was fucking made custom for him.
It also happens to be Ed’s favorite sweater.
Stede’s grinning as his head pops through the turtleneck, his hair sticking in a few different directions and a curl bouncing against his forehead. He tugs the sweater down and smooths it out, and then runs his fingers quickly through his hair to sort it back into place. “There we are. Hair next, let’s go.”
Stede steps in and reaches out, and then the scene flips from his bedroom to his bathroom. He hums as he starts his hair routine, holding up and briefly mentioning the things he uses as part of this process. Ed’s going to be in so much trouble tonight, sitting across from the sexiest man to ever exist wearing some of the sexiest clothes he owns. It’s just not fair.
“We’re doing a simpler look than I know you’re used to for me, because as I said, tonight is about comfort.” Stede tilts his head and smiles gently. “We’ve talked on and off over the past few weeks about bravery, and so many of you have been so brave. The stories that are being shared in the comments are all so inspiring. All of you are inspiring, and you’re braver and stronger than you might realize. I want you to know, I want you to hear, that I am so proud of each and every one of you.”
They really have been. Ed’s been enjoying reading through the comments on Stede’s videos almost as much as watching the videos themselves. He finds himself nodding, as if he was already sitting there having a conversation with Stede himself. A burst of warmth floods his veins at hearing Stede say he’s proud, even though Ed knows he’s not talking to him. Not consciously, anyway.
“I see so often that someone is thanking me for something I’ve said in my videos. But I am incredibly grateful for all of you, so thank you. If not for you, these silly videos I found the random inspiration to try out would not have reached so many eyes and inspired so much conversation. If not for all of you, I would potentially not have found my own bravery.”
Stede pauses, tilts his head as he looks into his mirror and adjusts the artful swoop of his hair again. Then, he’s looking back at the camera. Something about his expression makes Ed’s heart stutter, and the brief moment of silence before Stede talks again makes Ed swallow thickly.
“I am feeling uncharacteristically emboldened this evening,” Stede says, before flashing a sheepish smile. The only thing missing is the way Stede usually reaches up and rubs the back of his neck when he gets that kind of smile. Ed chews on his bottom lip nervously. “I’m going for it. Going to try and put myself out there, as it were. I don’t quite know how, but with any luck I’ll find the words for what’s been swirling around in my head and my heart for a while now. So, cross your fingers everyone! And until next time, sleep well, spread love, and I’ll see you soon.”
Salute. Tongue click. Wink.
The video restarts.
Ed barely registers it.
Stede’s going for it? Going for what? Ed thinks he knows the answer—no, he’s pretty fucking confident that he knows the answer, actually. It makes his head spin. Have they really been on the same page this entire time, orbiting around one another, too hesitant to make the first move? How much time have they wasted?
Ed shakes himself out of the spiral of thoughts threatening to bear down on him. He sure as fuck isn’t going to waste anymore. He’s got to meet Stede soon, he’s got to finish getting ready, and now with the knowledge that Stede is going to put himself out there? Well. Ed sure as fuck is going to be right there to meet him.
Stede hasn’t put himself out there.
Ed’s been fidgety all night, even as he’s paying attention to their conversation and trying not to melt over how fucking gorgeous Stede looks. He’s currently updating Ed on all of both Alma and Louis’ school troubles—of which there’s a lot, Jesus Ed does not miss middle school—and there has been zero hint of the conversation turning to something more intimate. To be fair, Ed feels like he’s been internally screaming with nerves this entire time, so Stede probably is too. But it’s been almost an hour and a half and Ed feels like he’s about to vibrate out of his skin.
Stede tells Ed about the most recent hook-up app adventure Lucius went on, and Ed snorts so hard he almost chokes when he connects the same dots based on what Izzy had ranted to him about last week. Iz joining that polycule had been a slightly unexpected move, but it’s been a delight, and when he tells Stede about that side of the whole thing, Stede is leaning over the table with his eyes wide and his mouth open in a delighted grin. Ed gestures with his hands a bit more than usual while he talks to prevent himself from reaching out and hauling the man over the table and onto his fucking lap.
Halfway through their second round, Ed completely loses track of their conversation when Stede starts absently tapping and stroking the side of his glass with his index and middle fingers. He acknowledges that Stede is still talking, responding to what Ed had been telling him about the visit to his mum that he’s got planned in a few weeks, but the words aren’t sticking. Ed has to carefully slip his hands underneath his thighs and sit on them to keep from doing something insanely impulsive.
“—settle up?” Stede is asking, and Ed blinks and straightens his back with a jolt.
“Hmm?”
“I asked if you were about ready to settle up,” Stede repeats with an amused smile. “I just realized we’ve been here for two and a half hours.”
“Oh! Yeah, ah, yeah mate, sounds good.”
“Fab!” Stede stands and absently smooths down the sides of his sweater. Not that it needed it, but Ed’s long known that it’s something Stede does instinctively when he doesn’t know what to do with his hands. It’s so fucking endearing. “I’ll just hit the restroom before we go.”
Turning, Stede all but bounces off, disappearing across the bar. Once he’s out of sight, Ed sighs heavily and leans forward until his forehead thumps against the tabletop.
“Just fucking say something,” he mutters to himself. “Stede, mate, I found your TikTok. Stede, I’d really like to fucking kiss you if you’d be amenable to that. I feel like you’d be pretty fucking amenable to that.”
Fuck. Heaving another sigh, Ed sits up again and frowns down at his empty glass like it personally offended him. His chest feels heavy; Stede had seemed so confident and so ready in today’s video. Clearly, luck wasn’t on their side though, and Ed isn’t sure how to—
“Ready?”
Ed jumps as Stede’s voice pops up again directly behind him, and he swivels in his chair as a hand flies to his chest. “Fucking hell, man, give a guy a warning.”
“Sorry.” Stede beams, laughing brightly, and fuck, he’s standing so close. Ed could just reach out and … well, what? Reach out and what?
“Yeah, yeah I’m ready.” Ed turns back and slides out of his seat, reaching over to grab their empty glasses and take over to the bar as they pay.
Ed’s heart is pounding as they leave and step outside. There’s a soft breeze in the evening air, and the two of them linger on the sidewalk as they muster up their goodbyes. Ed’s been here with Stede so many times, hesitating right before he can lean in, or reach out for Stede’s hand, or say anything other than see ya. It’s here again, and Stede’s tilting his head and smiling gently, his eyes twinkling like the stars in the fucking sky, and Ed can’t breathe.
“I’ve got the kids this weekend, but movie night Monday?” Stede’s asking, swaying forward ever so slightly onto the balls of his feet before settling again. “Or you’re welcome to come by Sunday for lunch, I know they’d love to see you. Though I guarantee Alma will rope you into making those cookies again.”
Ed huffs softly and chews on his bottom lip. He nods. “Love to, yeah. Sunday. Let’s do it. I’ll make her three batches of those fucking cookies.”
“Absolutely not,” Stede laughs. “If you load her up with that many cookies before I have to send them back home, Mary will kill us both and you know it.”
“Okay, two batches.” Ed shrugs. “But one’ll be for us, actually.”
“I’d like that,” Stede says softly.
“Sunday then.”
“Yes.”
Stede’s smiling, and Ed feels himself being pulled into his orbit, desperate to feel the softness of his sweater (or the softness of his lips, fuck, maybe even his hair). But then Stede’s gentle smile widens, and if Ed didn’t know any better, he’d think it was almost forced. And he’s saying goodbye, and he’s saying see you Sunday, and he’s turning to head to his car and Ed feels like Stede’s reaching into his chest and yanking out his heart to take it home with him. Panic grips him, a sudden thing that causes all hesitation to fly out the window. His feet are moving before his brain can catch up, and Ed reaches out and snatches Stede’s wrist.
“Wait,” he pleads, tugging on Stede’s arm and watching as Stede spins back around to face him with eyes wide in concern. “Wait, I. I—”
Fuck words, actually, Ed’s been trying to find words for months and failed every single time. But he knows, he fucking knows, and he takes the leap because he can’t do this anymore.
“Ed?” Stede asks in concern. “Ed, what’s wrong?”
Ed just shakes his head. He steps in, letting go of Stede’s wrist and reaching up to cup Stede’s face with both hands. Stede’s eyes widen even further somehow, against all possible odds, and Ed gives them a second, two, three with the clear knowledge of what he’s about to do before he leans in and kisses him. Stede lets out a soft noise of surprise, but within moments Ed feels warm fingers wrapping around his wrists, and everything stops as Stede starts kissing back.
Ed presses closer and Stede practically melts into him, and just as Ed is about to pull back, one of Stede’s hands releases his wrist and reaches around to grab the back of his head and go back in for a second, deeper kiss. Ed groans against Stede’s lips and meets it eagerly, the two of them clinging to one another for a few frantic heartbeats more before finally breaking apart. Stede’s breathing heavily, and Ed presses their foreheads together. He can feel moisture against his hand, causing him to blink his eyes open and pull back to see a tear sliding down Stede’s cheek.
“Are you okay?” Ed asks, furrowing his brow in concern. Stede nods quickly.
“Y-yes, I just.” He pauses and closes his eyes, pulling in a slow breath. Ed wonders if he should pull his hands away, but one of Stede’s is still clutching his wrist, and Stede can no doubt feel the way Ed’s heart rate has shot through the roof.
“Just?” He repeats, his voice shaking as he tries to encourage Stede to continue.
“I’d very much like to do that again.”
Ed breaks out into a wide grin, and Stede giggles as they come together again. Ed can feel Stede smiling against his lips, and they exchange gentle, soft kisses right there on the side of the street and laugh breathlessly every time they pull apart.
“What are you doing for the rest of the night?” Ed manages to ask in between kisses.
“Nothing,” Stede says. The way Stede’s lips—so soft and warm—brush against his own as he speaks sends shivers down Ed’s spine.
“Why wait for Sunday then?”
It’s only then that Stede seems to freeze, and immediately Ed silently curses himself for being too eager. But Stede doesn’t seem scared; in fact, he seems almost disappointed.
“Oh, Ed,” he sighs, loosening his grip on the back of Ed’s head slightly. His little frown would be so cute if Ed didn’t know that Stede was probably about to start spiraling. He knows that look. “The kids are coming in the morning, I—”
“It’s okay,” Ed says quickly, shaking his head. “That’s right, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”
“It’s not that I don’t want you to, I just—”
“Nah man, you don’t have to explain anything.” Ed smiles and strokes Stede’s cheek gently, before leaning in to press their foreheads together again. “Seriously. I get it. Just got a little eager. S’fine, Sunday is still great.”
“Are you sure?”
“Absolutely I am. C’mon, kiss me again and then go home.”
Stede’s grin is back now, and it makes Ed’s heart soar. He can feel himself being tugged back in as Stede slots their lips together. It’s perfectly imperfect, and Ed has to adjust the tilt of his head, and Stede laughs against his mouth again as Ed’s nose presses against Stede’s cheek. Ed wouldn’t have it any other way.
He doesn’t have time to be bolder before they part again, doesn’t have time to coax Stede’s lips apart and finally taste Stede like he’s been fantasizing about for ages, but that’s okay. That’s okay, because the way Stede’s lips are shining and the way his cheeks are tinted pink is a beautiful fucking sight, and Ed wants to melt right there on the sidewalk.
“Sunday,” Stede confirms again. Ed nods.
“Sunday.”
“Text me when you get home.”
“I will, promise.”
“Be safe, Ed.”
“I’ll drive like a granny.”
Stede laughs and shakes his head. “Please don’t.”
Ed smirks and wiggles his shoulders, leaning forward and reaching out to affectionately shove Stede’s shoulder. “Get out of here before I kiss you again.”
“Ooooh, what a threat,” Stede teases.
“M’serious, man, I won’t be able to let you go next time.”
“Alright, alright. Good night, Ed.”
Ed bites his lip, smiling, as Stede throws up a shy little wave and takes a step back. Then, he’s turning and walking off, but Stede only takes a few steps before he’s glancing back over his shoulder again. Ed lifts one of his hands and wiggles his fingers, causing Stede to grin again before he turns away and continues his trek to his car.
Ed’s mind is a warm buzz the entire drive home. After pulling into the driveway and shutting his car off, he sits in silence and basks in the residual high of the evening. His cheeks ache from how much he’s smiled, and he closes his eyes and sighs happily.
His phone vibrates in its dock, pulling Ed’s focus. He glances over at it to see a text from Stede, and two more pop through as he’s reading the first.
I’m home. 💗
I can’t believe you did that.
I’m glad you did.
Ed giggles, wiggling in his seat as he snatches his phone.
i’m home too
He’s glad, too. He’s so fucking glad. His thumbs hover over the keyboard as he thinks, and three dots appear and disappear a few times as Stede seems to start and stop typing as well. There’s a lot to be said, so fucking much, and none of it seems like the right way to start things off. Certainly not over a text, anyway. Probably not on Sunday either, if Ed’s being honest.
But he needs to say something. Anything. It comes to him like an epiphany, and he snorts at how ridiculously easy it is, and how simple it seems now that he’s finally been so brave. Ed shakes his head as he types.
found your tiktok a couple of weeks ago
so
uh, yeah
Ed’s heart is pounding, and he watches the dots that appear and disappear like a lifeline. It barely scratches the surface, but Ed hopes, he desperately hopes that it lands the way he intends. When Stede’s reply finally comes through, Ed lets out an almost delirious giggle.
Ah, I see, I always knew that account would attract trouble one day ;-)
not the fucking text dash nose wink face, omfg
I’m kidding, of course.
I’m glad.
I’m sorry I wasn’t the brave one tonight.
Ed’s smile fades into something softer, and his chest aches with how much affection he has for this man. He shakes his head, even though Stede isn’t there to see it.
you’re so fucking brave
you’re the bravest
That’s you, Ed, but. Well, thank you.
Sunday?
Sunday. Sunday with his kids. Monday movie night. It feels … like the start of something new. Something as hopeful as it is terrifying. Ed blinks back tears and swallows thickly. Sunday.
He can’t fucking wait.
Sunday. 💗