Chapter Text
Louis’ world had turned grey. He felt alone - he knew that there was no one else in the world who felt the way he did. After it had happened, he had shut himself away from everyone and pushed the other boys away. He guarded his grief like a jealous lover, refusing to heal, feeling guilty when he smiled or laughed and so he left them. It had been a month, but his feelings of grief had not lessened in intensity. The fans mourned, but Louis felt no connection to them- he saw their tear-streaked faces and felt no sympathy. They didn’t know him the way Louis had. No one did. His mum called every day reminding him to eat, reminding him that it would get better, that he wouldn’t have wanted Lou to feel this way. The truth was that Louis didn’t want to be happy. If Harry couldn’t be happy then Louis didn’t want to be - he never wanted to see colour if Harry’s eyes could never open again. And so Louis retreated into himself. He took the colour out of his world and made it grey. He stared blankly at the grave, refusing to comprehend what it was he had lost. He couldn’t run away from his sadness for long before it caught up with him.
His best friend was dead.
Harry Styles was dead.
Never again would he rest his head on Louis’ shoulder with his curly hair tickling Lou’s face as they watched a movie. He’d never be able to crawl into Harry’s bed after a nightmare and take comfort from his warm presence. His lazy, lopsided smile, the dimple in his left cheek, his green eyes shining with mischief: forever gone. Harry was the best person that Louis had ever met and now he was gone, the most beautiful boy taken from him by a drunken driver late on a Friday night.
He heard footsteps behind him and looked up sharply- the press had taken to following him lately. He made to run away but it wasn’t a pap. He looked up to meet the red-rimmed eyes of Nick Grimshaw.
Nick and Louis had never gotten on while Harry was alive, but now, as they faced each other Louis remembered that Nick, as Harry’s other best friend, was possibly the only other person who understood what he was going through. He nodded at Nick curtly and stepped aside to make room in front of the grave for him. Nick moved to stand beside him, their hands barely brushing at their sides; they stood in silence, each one lost in his own reminiscence of their mutual friend. They stood that way until it started to rain and Nick turned to leave.
“Nick, wait...” Louis called, his voice cracked from disuse.
Nick turned to look at him, his expression confused and questioning.“Yeah?”
Louis moved closer to him.“...Can I... uhm, this is going to sound... look can I come with you?” he asked.
Nick did nothing to hide his shock, but looked at Louis long and hard before nodding.
When they arrived at Nick’s place, he turned to Louis and said, “Make yourself comfortable,” barely waiting for Louis’ nod and quick thank you before making his way to a different room.
When he got back Louis had curled up on his couch. He sat down next to him and said softly, “Why me?”
Louis sat up, drawing his feet underneath him to make more room for Nick next to him. “What do you mean?” he asked.
Nick looked down at his hands before saying, “I called Liam. He says you’ve barely spoken to him or the other lads since it happened. We’ve never particularly gotten on, yet here you are. So, why me?”
Louis sighed, “Honestly, Grimshaw, I thought you claimed to be intelligent.”
Nick wasn’t going to bite. He knew Louis was trying to put him off by starting an argument, so he simply arched a brow and said “I’m waiting, Louis.”
Face downcast, Louis mumbled, “I can’t go back there. It’s too empty without him. You were close to him - you were his best friend - so you’re the only one who could possibly understand.”
Nick reached over taking, Louis’ hand in his, and said, “Lou, Louis. You were his best friend. There was no one he loved more than you.”
Louis shook his head no. “We were more than best friends. What we were, what he is, what he means to me is more than anyone else could possibly begin to understand. We could have happily lived with only each other, always.”
Nick nodded; while he never had been able to comprehend the intricacies of their relationship, he had always known that the two had had a deep affection for each other. Perhaps that was why the next words out of his mouth were, “Stay as long as you need to,” before padding off to the kitchen to make tea and wondering what he’d just agreed to.
Louis was there a week before anything happened.
They had spent the time in virtual silence. Lou wore Nick’s clothes and Nick took care of him as best he could, making sure that he ate regularly as well as checking in with Liam, Niall and Zayn almost daily. Then it happened.
The television was on, and Lou, as usual, had curled up on the couch not really watching but needing something to fill the silence. Nick was in the kitchen fixing sandwiches for their supper- Louis wouldn’t eat much else - when the familiar opening chords of “What Make You Beautiful” reached him from the front room. He immediately dropped the knife he was using and went into the other room. Louis had sat up and was staring at the screen intently, his tears flowing freely and his shoulders shaking. In all the time that he had been there Nick had never seen him cry - Louis had always been careful to wait until Nick had gone to bed. He went to sit at the end of the couch and pulled Louis to him, holding him close, his hands stroking the younger man’s back soothingly. Nick buried his face in Louis’ hair when he heard Harry’s solo, his own sobs adding to Louis’ in a harmony of grief.
Louis. Caring, affectionate, Louis pulled back slightly and looked up at the man who had taken care of him for a week. Brown eyes met blue before Louis reached up and kissed him gently. The kiss was comforting: it was salty from their tears. Louis’ lips were rough and they were both out of breath but more importantly, it was the human contact that they had both missed. Louis ran his tongue lightly along Nick’s bottom lip, asking Nick to let him in. Nick pulled him even closer, his hands moving greedily along Louis’ back. Now that they had established contact, neither of them wanted to let go of the other. Their hands and mouths explored each other, relearning and teaching what it is to be human.
A loud knock came from the door and the two separated slowly, looking at each other. When neither of them said anything, Nick disentangled himself from Louis and walked towards the door. Loath to lose the contact, Louis grabbed Nick’s hand, following him to the door, only to find none other than Liam Payne in the doorway.