Work Text:
February 5
Today.
This day.
It’s really just any other day, nothing special. Nothing much to acknowledge or talk about, seriously. Jisung didn’t wake up with any newfound wisdom, didn’t wake up feeling any different than yesterday or the day before. He’s waking up the same person in the same shit situation he was in before.
Which is fine, seriously. Jisung does not care. He doesn’t like the unnecessary attention, so having no one makes birthdays a little less awkward.
Jisung dries his hair with a towel, strands still clinging wet against his forehead as his reflection catches his eyes. A pale figure with dark undereye bags stares back. He barely recognizes himself these days. He can’t sleep lately and not because his new roommate sits up all hours talking and cackling on his phone because, well, he probably wouldn’t be able to find sleep anyways.
After changing into his work uniform and brushing his teeth, Jisung slips out of the bathroom. He figures he could skip breakfast this one time. Maybe not make it a habit. He forgot to pick up groceries yesterday and didn’t want to eat up his roommate's food.
“Ay! Jisung!” His roommate’s voice yells out, nearly giving Jisung a heart attack.
Jisung sighs and turns on his heels hurrying to the kitchen with his heart clenching.
“Chenle hyung are you…” Jisung starts, words failing, stuck in his throat. He sees it almost immediately. There on the small table positioned in the kitchen are various bowls and plates with food on them— ranging from french toast to kimchi fried eggs and scallion pancakes. Chenle prepared a literal buffet of food.
“Grab some food, whatever you want, just get full.” Chenle says and makes a sweeping gesture towards the food before busying himself with drying off his hands. “I wasn’t sure what you like because you won’t tell me anything, so I just made everything.” He laughs.
“I’m going to pawn whatever we don’t eat off on my friends. They love free stuff.” Chenle talks more, filling up the dead air on Jisung’s end.
Jisung looks stupid, standing around awkwardly just looking down at all the food then at Chenle. He’s dumb-founded, really, but appreciative. He isn’t sure he deserves this sort of thought or care.
“Jisung! Come on, it doesn’t look that bad now… Eat.” Chenle hits his shoulder with a dish cloth and it stirs Jisung into action.
“Thank you, hyung. It looks good, really.” He says. He fumbles around, nervous with Chenle looking over him and then they sit, eating in relative silence… Or Jisung mostly does while Chenle talks a lot, about his friends and work and everything else. He presses Jisung to open up, asks a few questions like how he’s adjusting to the new place. Something he answers with a simple ‘fine.’
He didn’t mind the apartment. It IS fine. Jisung has no complaints about the apartment itself. The water warmed up quickly, which is great for showers. There’s a balcony that overlooks a nice view. Oh and best of all, the rent is incredibly fair.
“This is nice.” Chenle says, thrumming with excitement. He takes a bite of toast and hardly waits to swallow before he starts on again. “Eating breakfast together, I mean. I like it. We should make it an everyday thing. What do you think?”
Chenle talks brightly with his palms on the table leaning forward. His eyes are big and sparkling.
Jisung’s face is hot. Fuck what’s the thermostat on? He knows his face is lighting up like a Christmas tree, nearly swears he can see his roommate eyeing the red of his cheeks.
“W-What?” Jisung sputters and coughs, choking on his food.
Chenle extends a glass of orange juice. His glass of orange juice. The very same glass he’s already been drinking from might Jisung add.
The apartment is just fine.
Now, his roommate on the other hand…
That’s the real issue. He’s simply too much. He’s too loud. He talks too much. He’s present too much. No matter how much Jisung tries pushing away, Chenle pulls him back in with breakfast and invites out with him and random conversations. He’s insistent. He’s caring and sweet and is too many pretty features on one face. He’s too much for Jisung’s little heart and he doesn’t know what to do with all of Chenle.
So yes, his roommate is a disaster waiting to happen.
✩
The universe is humorous. Likes to play pranks and pull legs. That’s what Jisung thinks because nearly everything has gone wrong today. His boss forced him to stay late, the customers were especially awful, and his parents are still radio silent with him… Guess when your parents have become estranged from you, they stay so, even on birthdays. New city, no friends. Missing his bus, forgetting his gloves on a particularly cold day. It’s a really funny joke, universe.
He doesn’t mind it though. Really. Seriously. Birthdays are just another day. It doesn’t phase him that he feels cold. Alone. Lost. He felt it yesterday. Feels it today and will continue to tomorrow. It doesn’t bother him. It doesn’t.
Jisung closes the door to the apartment behind him, rubbing his tired eyes, ready to drag his tired sorry ass to bed, sink into a dream and thankfully wake up to a new day.
“Hey, hey. Jisungie.” Chenle bounds over with a bounce resembling a rabbit, hands behind his back, all big smiles and bright eyes.
Oh shit. Jisung’s throat goes dry. He doesn’t have the energy to deal with butterflies right now. Chenle was already blowing up his phone with ‘are you on your way home yet’ and ‘what’s taking you so long.’
“Close your eyes.” Chenle says.
Jisung stares at him stupidly.
“Jisung, close your damn eyes. Cooome on.” Chenle barks.
He startles, jumps just the slightest and does as he’s told. He only opens when he hears Chenle tell him to open them now.
A cake. Jisung looks at the cake in Chenle’s outstretched hands, then at Chenle and at the cake again. It’s small like the lunchbox cake style, white with happy birthday in colorful lettering.
His heart stills and squeezes in his chest. Butterflies tickle his ribcage.
“H-How?” Jisung stutters, looking wide-eyed at his roommate.
“Your instagram. I got bored and stalked you a bit.” Chenle laughs. He doesn’t even seem the slightest bit embarrassed to admit to something like that. “You seriously don’t post much. A real shame because you’ve got a real great face.”
Jisung is still in shock. He can barely process the cake. Let alone this comment about his face. He could probably combust spontaneously into flames right here.
“Happy birthday, Jisungie.” Chenle cheers wearing that same big smile that makes his stomach do flips. With those same bright eyes that makes his heart leap.
He cannot contain it, bottle it up and hold it in. As much as he wishes, he just can’t. His shoulders shake, trembling. Stray tears fall from his eyes, one he never knew he’s been holding in. He throws his arms around Chenle’s back, the cake remaining unscathed thanks to Chenle quickly holding it above his head.
“You must really love cake.” Chenle says. Jisung shyly laughs in response.
“Go sit. We’ll binge tv and eat cake, sound good birthday boy?”
Jisung nods, looks at Chenle as if he’s hung the stars. As if Chenle’s a modern marvel of the universe. Maybe Jisung’s universe, maybe.
Oh shit. He’s fucked isn’t he?
July 20
A lot can change in a handful of months. For instance, Jisung is in a much better state than he was a short time ago. He’s gotten adjusted to the big city. He went from being the clueless gay boy to a clueless gay boy with gay friends, so that’s a little bit of something. Oh, did he mention, he made friends. A whole group of them. And Chenle, Chenle is a funny case to think about. Jisung went from wanting to desperately avoid growing close to him, from knowing too much about him– only for Jisung to not only have an encyclopedic knowledge of all things Chenle, but also for him to become the single most important person to Jisung.
And as Jisung has learned about Chenle, he is a force to be reckoned with, and truthfully he can’t be fought off. He’s simply too fucking stubborn. Jisung is thankful for that though. Meeting Chenle has turned his whole life on its axis in the best way possible.
Mark and Renjun convinced everyone to go away to a summer cabin for a few days during summer vacation. Jeno brought all sorts of booze and according to Donghyuck ‘Jeno was his savior.’ Naturally, everyone is knocking back cans and bottles, taking shots, until everyone’s stupid drunk. Fucking Chenle and Jaemin broke a table dancing on it. Of course it all led up to this. It was only a matter of time, really. Truth or dare was suggested.
Truth or dare is a terrible idea. Not only is it a bad cliche, it’s also just a bad mix when you have little shits for friends and Jisung’s friends are the biggest little shits… so that’s how he got here of all places.
“I dare you,” Donghyuck pauses mid-sentence, eyeing Jisung intently, a smile cracking wider on his face.
“Ah get to it already! You’re boring me into sobriety.” Jaemin whines, slapping Donghyuck on the shoulder, who immediately starts pouting and rubbing at the spot.
Donghyuck clears his throat. “So as I was saying before I got so rudely attacked by a feral beast, Jisung you should kiss Chenle. Like really kiss him, not a peck and done deal either.”
There’s a chorus of ooh’s and aah’s that immediately fills the room, everyone amused over the dare.
“The soulmate kiss we’ve been waiting for!” Mark exclaims, words slurring together. He’s actually always been vocal about calling Jisung and Chenle soulmates due to how close they had gotten and how as he once put it ‘you two are literally perfect together.’
Jisung can only hear the sound of his heart pulsing in his ears. His mouth is incredibly dry. Maybe he should drink some water, excuse himself now and— Chenle moves closer towards Jisung’s spot at the floor, their knees bumping. He even leans forward, making Jisung’s brain break. His heart is going to burst.
Chenle looks so pretty, hot, cute. So many words, all the words. Jisung’s drunk mind is a little too dizzy, but he knows Chenle looks so fucking kissable. The older boy looks soft, yet defined at the same time all the while he’s looking at Jisung with big eyes. Kitty whisker dimples appear when he starts laughing at something Renjun says.
Jisung doesn’t catch what’s said. It doesn’t process in his drunken head. All he wants is to kiss Chenle everywhere.
“Uh, yeah, if you don’t want to—“ Chenle looks weirdly dejected as he begins speaking, but Jisung doesn’t let him finish that thought.
If Jisung doesn’t want to? That’s all he wants to do. All he’s thought about doing for months. Wants Chenle desperately. Pathetically.
He lunges forward, catching Chenle’s lips on his own. At first, Jisung panics internally. His lips are on Chenle’s lips. Spirals even with a head full of alcohol. How should he kiss Chenle? Was he even being serious about going along with this? He stills, for a moment, hesitant to press further. Until he hears a small noise, almost like a purr bubble up from Chenle’s throat and it does something to Jisung. His hands find their way around Chenle’s waist, pulling him in closer, wanting more and more of him. His heart is racing, aching even, and his stomach flips. They kiss tenderly and work to find a steady rhythm before it all devolves into something a little more hungry.
Jisung hears one of them whistle, he thinks Jaemin, followed by more whistling and cheering. He quickly peels himself off Chenle. They’re both struggling to regain their breath. Jisung inhales shakily.
“You went all in. I didn’t expect that from you, man.” Mark rattles Jisung by the shoulder, patting him. All Jisung can do is blink in disbelief.
“Personally, I think I’ll be bleaching my eyes later.” Renjun comments.
“Woohoo sexy!” Jaemin whistles again.
The guys laugh, Chenle joins in a little nervous edge to him.
“Alright, alright now. Jisung, dare Jeno to do a lap dance. Do it for the people.” Donghyuck suggests.
“I didn’t even say I was picking dare.” Jeno sulks from his place also on the floor, stretched out lazily.
Jisung stares at Chenle who holds his stare for a moment before looking away suddenly and crawling off to Jeno instead. It only makes Jisung the slightest bit dejected.
The game follows on with Jeno answering a truth, not giving a lap dance. Jaemin sucking a hickey into Renjun’s neck, Mark and Donghyuck running off to go skinny dipping together… These things don’t bother them because like Jisung’s heard before, most of them have all kissed or seen each other naked at least once. A strange thing to Jisung, but it’s the weirdos he calls friends.
✩
Eventually the game comes to an end and of course his friends have to be even bigger little shits– something Jisung didn’t even know was a possible feat. They have Chenle and Jisung share a room. With only one bed. One incredibly small bed. As in two people will barely fit on this bed.
“I claim this side.” Chenle says taking the side closest to the door. He falls down on to the bed limbs stretched out.
Even in drunken stupor, Jisung still has a blush creeping up his neck, still feels butterflies in his stomach. He flops down too, body on Chenle’s arms and legs, so the older boy turns on his side, wrapping his limbs around Jisung. They’re face to face now.
“Earlier was…” Jisung says.
“Good, so good.” Chenle breathes out in a rush of words. So they’ve both been thinking about it.
Jisung laughs, face gets hotter. “I was going to say crazy, but that too.”
There’s a beat of silence. Only the sounds of breathing and he swears he can hear their hearts racing in tandem. The next moment, all in a blur, Chenle is in Jisung’s lap, their mouths connected again.
Jisung can feel Chenle smiling into the kiss, laughter bubbling up into Jisung’s mouth.
“You don’t laugh when you’re kissing someone.” Jisung speaks, lips brushing against Chenle’s.
“No, it’s not that. You’re really good for your first time.” Chenle grins.
“Technically you are my first.” Jisung confesses. “First kiss with a boy.”
He hadn’t even kissed that many girls either, but Chenle seems to not have any complaints— seems to be the exact opposite actually— and that puts Jisung at ease.
“How special am I?” Chenle dips back down, kisses him deep, needy, hungry. Almost like they’ve both been craving this for a long while. Chenle moans when Jisung
gets a burst of courage and anchors his hands on Chenle’s hips.
He wants to sear this in his memory. Etch it in his mind to never be forgotten. The moans that spill so easily from Chenle’s lips, Chenle’s eyes that are heavy-lidded, glazed over with want, Chenle with wet lips bitten red.
A moan is ripped from Jisung’s throat when Chenle rocks his hips, the grind is delicious. Makes him see stars beneath his eyelids, makes his fingers grip harder, tighter. Wants Chenle, know. Needs him.
He flips Chenle over onto his back, leaning downwards and kissing him harder, their bodies move in tandem.
Fuck this is perfect Chenle is perfect. He just wants him all to himself all night l—
“Oh shit. I think I’m going to get sick.” Chenle says, swiping at Jisung, tapping him. He wriggles out from under Jisung, Jisung falling over on his ass while Chenle takes off down the hall.
Okay… This was not what he expected.
The next day, Jisung begs they forget about it all. Apologizes, feels stupid and oh so exposed. The last thing he could ever want is to sour their friendship with a dumb night of drunken party games and a little mistake. Chenle obliges and after a few days everything goes back to something closer to normal. It’s as though they never kissed the air out of each other. Just friends again. How it always was.
August 13
Jisung never expected anything romantic from Chenle. Never wanted his feelings to spill over into their friendship. It was just a stupid crush that he swore he could easily pack away and seal it all in a box, never to be thought of much again. It just exists somewhere. Yet here he is, at Jaemin’s birthday party, locked away in a bathroom. He’s crumpled on the cold, tiled floor, face in his knees.
He’s stupid. So fucking stupid. A big, stupid fool.. How could he ever allow his mind to get comfortable going to those kinds of places, forbidden places, places it should have never gotten comfortable going to. But it only got worse after their summer trip together, getting a sample of what would never be, and it was the sweetest taste. Chenle waking up every morning curled at his side, hair messy and eyes heavy. Chenle kissing him, bruising and breathless.
Being each other's.
Jisung pulls his knees tighter against his chest. He wants to get a grip and piece himself back together so he can go out and pretend he’s not broken. But he’s not just broken, is the thing, he’s totally shattered. He thinks he’ll be finding missing pieces of himself for the next year.
His face is wet, streaked in hot tears and throat ripped raw, choking on the way he’s gasping for air. Heartbreak is a weird thing… The way the pain is so real and visceral.
“Hello?” Jisung hears the deep voice rasp on the other side of the door. He recognizes it immediately.
He sucks in a shaky breath, biting his fist and squeezing his eyelids shut, hoping Jaemin catches the hint and just leaves him be.
“Jisung, baby, I know you’re in there.” And of course nothing can ever go the way he hopes. “Come on, just let me in. It is my birthday after all.”
Jisung doesn’t want to. He already feels horrible enough making this all about him on Jaemin’s day. Why is he this way? Why is he so pathetic? Jisung’s fingers dig deeper into his legs.
“‘M sorry, Hyung.” Jisung sniffs.
“Hey, hey. Don’t apologize. Just open up.” Jaemin’s voice is soft, like he’s talking to a child. “Or I’ll break this door down myself.” A little scary how he sounds both soft and aggressive. Softy aggressive?
Jisung crawls over, unlocking it and Jaemin wastes no time falling to his knees and scooping him up. Jaemin’s arms are warm. It’s a comfort he didn’t even know he needed. Jisung buries his face in Jaemin’s shoulder, crying and getting snot all over Jaemin’s nice silk shirt. Jaemin didn’t seem to mind, he only hugs him closer and pets his back.
“This is about Chenle, isn’t it?” Jaemin asks after a couple minutes when it seems he’s finally calmed down some.
Jisung peels himself off Jaemin. He avoids the boy’s eyes and nods.
“Hyung, Chenle, I–I love him.” Jisung admits, words breaking. He senses the sting in his eyes again. An all too familiar warning sign of a dam ready to spill over. “And, I just, I just don’t know what to do with all these feelings, Jaemin hyung.”
Jisung is full of feelings. It’s in every nook and cranny of his entire being. He’s bursting at the seams with love, spilling over and making a stupid mess full of love.
“I never meant to. I don’t know how to stop though and I fucking want it to stop. Hyung, I need it to stop.” Jisung starts trembling again, losing himself all over again.
“Aww baby, I know. I know it’s hard.” Jaemin cradles Jisung’s face, thumbing away stray tears. “But listen to me, you’ve got to start by talking to Chenle about this and about everything.”
Jisung shakes his head fervently. “Can’t. No, no.” Jaemin’s hands hold tighter and he tsks at him.
“You know Chenle is crazy about you.” Jaemin moves a strand of hair from Jisung’s face. Jisung sniffles.
Chenle cares about him a lot, sure, Jisung knows that. Not in that way though. Which makes sense. Chenle is Chenle. He talks too loud, laughs even louder. He’s confident and outgoing. He’s just so unabashedly himself, meant to be in the forefront, be seen, be known, stand out. Then there’s Jisung and he’s everything Chenle isn’t. He blends in, avoids being seen. Isn’t worth knowing in the same way. Jisung is just so ordinary. And well, perhaps Chenle deserves someone as extraordinary as him.
“You’ll be fine, Jisung. You don’t need to talk to him today or tomorrow or the next day, but you do need to for your own sake. So you can know how to move forward, you hear me.” Jaemin’s deep voice is tender, yet firm. Jisung nods.
“Good boy.” Jaemin lays Jisung’s head in his lap, hand petting his head. The fingers working their way through his hair gently. It’s just the two of them cuddled up on the bathroom floor (something Jisung notes is actually so disgusting not that he doesn’t have it in him to care) enjoying the peace or as peaceful as it can be when the music from the otherside filters in.
“Let’s get you home, yeah? And before you say anything, you’re fine. We can hang out tomorrow or something. Now, let’s grab Jeno so he can give you a ride back since I know for certain he’s sober.” Jaemin doesn’t even give Jisung a moment to decline or speak. He’s already got a ride home and everything situated for Jisung. Jaemin is a good friend, but he can be pushy that’s for sure.
✩
This is awkward. It’s silent. The type of silence that picks underneath a person’s skin. Jisung slumps into the passenger seat, hoping to be home already, as he watches the world blur out the window.
“You look like shit.” Jeno says, eyes remaining on the road.
“Feel like shit.” Jisung mumbles bitterly, which fuck, why did he say that out loud?
Jeno makes a sound in acknowledgment and that’s it. He returns to driving silently. His arm muscles moving under his skin, veins bulging out. Of course Chenle liked him. Jeno only had to exist to be attractive then there was Jisung who falls over putting on pants in the mornings.
“Chenle, huh?” Jeno says again, eyes not straying from the road, expression unchanging. It’s a question, but sounds more like a statement.
Jisung groans. Is he this transparent? That even Jeno knows the power Chenle has over him.
“I didn’t know he was seeing someone.” Jisung picks at his sleeve, avoiding looking at Jeno.
He realizes this might be the first time they’ve been alone together without the others around and well Jisung has nothing against Jeno, but they just haven’t managed to get as close as he and Jaemin for instance— which Jaemin swears he’s birthed Jisung so that’s a special case altogether.
With Jeno being withdrawn and Jisung being shy, it was always a little more challenging to get to a point where times like this weren't so awkward.
Jeno takes a sharp left turn, yawning tiredly.
“He likes you more. Take that from someone that dated him for two months.” Jeno never even looks back at Jisung. If he had he’d have probably seen him opening and closing his mouth with nothing coming out, just hot air, lost for words.
They say nothing else as Jeno parks, as they make their way into Jisung’s shared apartment. Jeno even makes himself comfortable flinging himself onto the couch, legs splayed out, head in his hand while he watches a tv show about house flipping. He hadn’t expected Jeno to stay over. Jaemin probably asked him to look out for him.
Jisung hands him a water bottle that he takes with a smile. Not knowing what else to do, he sits down on an unoccupied space on the couch. A man in the show starts talking about a termite infestation…Gross.
“Uh, so, yeah thanks for the ride. “
“That’s what friends are for.” Jeno smiles one where his eyes smile too. And it does settle in at that moment, it strikes him that Jeno sees him as an actual friend. They are friends. “Ah plus Jaemin can be very persuasive. And annoying.”
Jisung laughs. “Sorry you had to leave the party early.”
“I hate parties.” Jeno smiles while making a dismissive hand gesture. “I’ll just catch Jaemin’s next one.”
Jisung sighs, eases up. The tension in his muscles and bones disappear.
“You wanna watch a movie?” Jisung asks, leaning forward on his palms. Jeno looks over and nods. His lips have the slightest curl of a smile.
They decide on Spiderman after a back-and-forth. Jeno calling Jisung’s pick too serious. Jisung calling Jeno’s scary. They share a blanket and gummy candy Jisung bought the other day. At some point, the two boys doze off during the movie, Jeno’s head on Jisung’s shoulder.
✩
The blanket rustles and a new warmth is at Jisung’s side, warm air on his neck. It stirs him awake. Confusion on his features as his bleary eyes adjust to the dim lighting of the room. The place at his side where Jeno was some time ago is replaced by Chenle, surprising Jisung. Jeno must have left after Chenle got back.
“Why’d you leave without me?” Chenle asks against his skin, arms wrapping around his torso. He smells like beer.
His body stills under Chenle’s touch. It’s confusing but definitely not what he needs right now.
“Why aren’t you at your boyfriend’s?” Jisung grumbles. He isn’t sure why there’s venom punctuating his last word. So perhaps he does know the why, but he didn’t mean for it nonetheless.
Chenle pushes himself off Jisung’s body, a chill taking over where there was once warmth.
“Have I fucked up?” Chenle hiccups, he’s breathing heavily.
“What do you–?” Jisung is cut off by Chenle’s slur of words.
“Don’t do that thing, Jisung, not again. D-Don’t freeze me out and cut me off.” Chenle flails his arms wildly.
“What are you talking about?” Jisung questions him wide eyed, totally lost at these turn of events.
“When we made out. When we almost fucked back at the cabin and you hardly spoke to me. You fucking avoided me for days. Y-You couldn’t even look at me.” Chenle’s words have a watery edge as his voice rises in volume with each word spoken.
“I-, no, It-It wasn’t… You–” Jisung stammers desperately trying to piece words together that just don’t fit, won’t fit. Like a puzzle where none of the pieces link up.
“You’ve been doing it again all night. I don’t know what I’ve fucking done wrong this time but I’ll try fixing it. Just tell me. I’m sorry, alright. I’m really sorry for whatever.” Chenle just sounds hurt now, low and strangled, choking on an outpour of words. He starts out angry when he’s sad until it fizzles out into nothing other than brokenness.
It’s weird seeing him like this. It’s heartbreaking. Jisung hurt him, really badly and the worst part is he hadn’t even known.
“You have nothing to apologize for.” Jisung admits. He pulls Chenle back into his arms. There’s a moment where Chenle tenses up then his body melts into his arms, cries into Jisung’s chest, staining his black shirt damp.
“I just… I thought maybe you’d want space then. It was so stupid. I’m a dumbass sometimes, I know.”
Chenle clutches his shirt fabric letting out a watery laugh and nodding in agreement. Yeah, Jisung deserved that.
“I won’t do it again, seriously.” He wraps a pinky finger around Chenle’s as a silent promise. “Y-You’re stuck with me now always.” Jisung confirms with a confident nod of his head.
“Like I’d let you go anywhere.” Chenle sniffs.
Jisung lays out on the couch, pulling Chenle down with him so he’s laying on top of him. He listens to the way Chenle’s breathing evens out and runs fingers through the older boy’s hair, the way Jisung knows he likes.
“Hey, Jisungie.” Chenle whispers. His throat is probably raw from moments ago.
“Hmm?”
“I don’t have a boyfriend. I’m way too interested in someone else.”
He likes you more.
Jisung recalls Jeno’s words. Lets them spin around in his head for a minute on repeat.
December 10
The holidays have come around fast. Christmas lights are strung around the shopping malls and city streets. There’s a huge Christmas tree decorated in the middle of the shopping square. Christmas is approaching and everywhere serves as a reminder of that.
“Ahh wow! Chenle! You never mentioned any of this to me.” Jisung points at it excitedly. As someone that grew up in a small town, he never got to see anything of this nature. Not quite so grand as this.
“You’re just like a moth, you know that? You like anything shiny. Come on now.” Chenle laughs, holds out his hand.
Jisung takes it in his own, fingers fitting between open spaces.
“Why are your hands always so cold?” Jisung complains.
Chenle shrugs. “Probably because you weren’t warming them up.”
Jisung smiles and moves closer, shoulder to shoulder, his taller frame leaning over him as he swings their arms as they walk.
They set off shopping today with one thing in mind— grabbing some Christmas gifts, though Jisung keeps getting distracted by all the lights and decorations and Chenle has to redirect him to the matter at hand. The two decided to put their money together and buy any and all gifts together. They’ve even agreed to label them with both their names slapped on the wrapping. So far, they bought Renjun a candle set that looks like succulents and Donghyuck some sort of fluffy blanket with sleeves (Chenle fought him on buying that one insisting it would be oh so loved and despite Jisung’s hesitations…Chenle obviously won).
“We should pick out a tree.” Jisung says absently, eyes catching all the lights still. Maybe he is part moth.
“With our budget?” Chenle snorts.
“We could get a really small one.” Jisung pouts.
Chenle lets out a huff and shakes his head. “I’m not usually big on holidays…” He starts, lips pursed. “But fine. For you, let’s do it.”
Jisung’s smile spreads until his teeth show. Giddy with holiday spirit, something he didn’t think he would be able to find in himself at the beginning of this year.
✩
Just as Chenle relented, their Christmas tree stands tiny and cute in the living room. It’s small enough to be placed on top of the coffee table which is where Chenle placed it. They picked out decorations since they were already out and hung ornaments on its little limbs. Some of the branches hang more under the weight of the heavier ornaments.
They’re curled up on the couch together now, both holding mugs of hot chocolate— the mugs being bumpy and lumpy, sorta a travesty but they made them when Chenle thought it’d be great to try a pottery class together.
“Honey.” Jisung peeps.
“Baby.” Chenle says.
The terms of endearments are a recent development where Chenle started teasingly calling Jisung baby and it stuck. Then Jisung would counter with a honey and that stuck too… So now Chenle is honey and Jisung is baby.It makes his heart glow every time he hears the name, he always needs to talk himself down, remind himself it’s not like that. Honestly, there’s been quite a few developments since Jaemin’s birthday party.
Chenle’s lockscreen is a surprise photo of Jisung stuffing his face with food and Jisung’s lockscreen is one of Chenle, a photo he snapped when he stole Jisung’s phone and took a bunch of silly selcas. Somehow Chenle still looks beyond adorable in the photo. They cuddle more and maybe Jisung is getting a little braver now. Sometimes Chenle is the one to blush first. It’s absolutely cute.
Jisung kinda loves having this newfound power.
And of course. Jisung has kept his promise. He never pushes anymore. Only pulls Chenle in closer. That’s all he wants anyways– Chenle as close as humanly possible.
“I know,” Jisung scrambles to form the words. He looks up as if the words will appear in the air. They don’t. He looks back at Chenle. “Your family’s never celebrated the holidays, right?”
Chenle blows at the mug in an attempt to cool off his steaming drink, pausing for a moment.
“Depends on what you mean by celebrate ‘cause they did the whole gift thing, but that’s about it.”
“Like you spend your holidays alone?” Jisung inquires, lips pouting more in concentration. Chenle nods and finally takes a sip of his drink.
“You know the situation with my family.” Jisung says, eyes low and voice lower.
“They’re being assholes, yeah.” Chenle says with an eye roll.
Jisung breaks out in a grin, hardly able to contain a laugh. He playfully hits Chenle in the shoulder because well he did just call his family assholes, even if, maybe they did deserve it.
“Let’s just go all out this year. Be super festive and merry…And, And, we’ll spend it together. We don’t have to be alone anymore, you know?” Jisung says in a rush of air. He feels embarrassed because yeah maybe it was a little corny to say out loud and it definitely might have sounded better in his head. But Chenle made sure Jisung was never alone, even when he barely knew him, and now Jisung will return the favor.
Chenle freezes mid drink and smiles, one that keeps growing and spreading. “You’re such a nerd sometimes.”
Chenle grabs Jisung’s hand in his own.It’s warm from the ceramic mug.
“I’d like that a lot. Matter of fact, why not next year. And the next after that.” He throws his hands up, the cup contents sloshing around dangerously.
Jisung kinda really wants to grab Chenle by the face and kiss him breathless. “I’d like that a lot.” Jisung agrees in a whisper as his heart flutters.
They situate themselves more comfortably on the couch. Jisung’s arm finding its way around Chenle’s waist as it usually does these days and Chenle nuzzles himself in just the right spot of Jisung’s neck.
They sigh in content peace, Jisung remembers something from a documentary he heard about and starts gushing about it excitedly. He sees the way Chenle smiles at him to continue that he’s listening and Jisung realizes he isn’t bothered by the fact that he’s rambling so excitedly about something anyone else might think is boring or lame. Not when Chenle is staring at him with such sparkling eyes.
December 20
They stumble in a restaurant one day where couples eat half off, more like Chenle drags him in and claims Jisung to the world as his own. It’s a mind dizzying experience, one Jisung wants to live in for a while even if it’s just pretend.
He feeds Chenle a bite of red velvet cake and Chenle honest to god loves being fed a little too much. It’s cute. He’s cute. They take dozens of photos, even a few together and the fact that they look like a couple deludes Jisung’s mind. Hell, Chenle’s even wearing Jisung’s coat.
Before leaving, Chenle laughs and points out the mistletoe hanging above them. Jisung blushes at the thought of kissing Chenle in public. For everyone to think Chenle is his all his. He still leans down and kisses Chenle on the cheek to shut him up which works magically.
They finish their holiday shopping. Taking detours to be goofs together, like slipping in and out of fitting rooms showing off ridiculous outfits they’ve dressed each other in. Again, they walk in the mall hand in hand. Another development in their relationship. They’re never not holding hands.
Somehow they end up at a park, chasing after each other in the snow— Jisung being tackled by Chenle to the ground and they tumble down laughing hysterically when they bump heads.
“Are you okay, bighead?” Chenle asks breathlessly.
“Are you okay, biggerhead?” Jisung laughs, poking Chenle in the forehead and he joins in on the laughter.
They lay in the snow a little too long waiting for their fit of hysterics to subside and when it does, Jisung catches Chenle scrunching his nose, burning from the cold.
“You’re so cute.” He breathes out mindlessly.
Chenle turns away quickly. He laughs Jisung off before standing and helping him back to his feet too.
It’s dark out by the time they start their trek home. That’s the wonder of winter. You get daylight for a whole two hours.
“It’s fucking freezing.” Chenle shouts out, he rubs his hands together and huffs his warm breath on them. Jisung shakes his head at his friend.
“You idiot.” He says with no malice, only tenderness.
“I tell you time and time again to get yourself some gloves.” He nags and catches Chenle making a ‘blah blah blah’ gesture with his hands.
“Why would I do that when I have you to keep me warm?” Chenle holds out a hand, bitten with a winter chill.
Jisung takes it in his own without a second thought, slipping both their hands in his pocket. Chenle rests his head on Jisung’s shoulder while they trudge through the snow.
Once they get back home, they decorate a gingerbread house Jisung insisted they needed. Admittedly, they did a rough job, partly Jisung’s fault. But it was great when Chenle would grab his hand to help steady it, so if nothing else– there was that.
✩
“Of course she’s a workaholic! You’ve got to take a shot of eggnog, baby.” Chenle laughs out.
“Oh, oh and the love interest is a single dad, drink up.” Jisung pokes Chenle in the chest as he takes a swig of the eggnog spiked with just the slightest bit of alcohol.
These few days alone they’ve caught enough holiday movie tropes to know what they adore overusing in their movies, so of course, like two very mature adult boys– they made a game out of it.
They fall asleep, Chenle’s head tucked under Jisung’s, their limbs entangled. Another recent development. They fall asleep together these days cuddling close and tight. Heartbeats mingling as one.
December 25
The boys were happy with their gifts. Donghyuck took to wearing his weird blanket shirt immediately. Renjun went all oohs and aahs over the cute, fake succulents and Jaemin hugged his gigantic stuffed animal tight. They celebrated with their friends on Christmas eve before they departed to spend time with family and bring in the New Years with them.
Chenle tears open the wrapping paper. They both agreed not to go overboard with giving gifts. At first, Chenle insisted that he didn’t want anything just to spend it together to which Jisung remembers Chenle making gagging sounds at himself.
Chenle stares down then back up at Jisung.
“Your hands are always cold so I bought you gloves so you can stay warm. I worry about you.” Jisung explains.
Chenle smiles, pulling them on his hands. “Jisung! These are fucking crazy insulated these couldn’t have been cheap.”
Jisung shrugs. “Who’s to say?” He smiles and Chenle slaps him in the shoulder.
“You didn’t get out of holding my hand by the way.” Chenle warns him as he grabs his present for Jisung out from under their tiny tree.
“That’s why I made sure it had the finger thingies.” Jisung tells him, wiggling his own fingers for effect. His eyes follow the gift that’s placed in his own hands.
“I love em. I really couldn’t ask for a better gift then.” Chenle says warmly. It makes Jisung feel warm too.
“Can I?” Jisung asks.
“I’d rather you do that then keep it wrapped forever, yeah.” Chenle tells him, laughing.
Jisung carefully tears the paper until it’s all off and there’s a picture frame in his hands. There’s a photo in it of Jisung with watery eyes and Chenle with one arm slung around his shoulder, the other hand outstretched taking the photo. Jisung is holding his birthday cake.
“It’s the first photo we’ve ever taken together. I feel like it was sorta the moment you started warming up to me more and yeah I really like this photo.” Chenle’s voice is so soft right now. He sounds nervous but fond at the same time.
Jisung is overwhelmed with feelings. He fucking loves Chenle. If he thought he couldn’t grow to love Chenle anymore than the first time he ever said it out loud those four months ago, damn was he wrong. He doesn’t know how he holds it in. But he doesn’t want to anymore. He realizes that Chenle with the eyes that sparkle like the stars– and the smile that makes him melt– Jisung wants to pour out all his love. Wants to fill the entire universe with it. Wants the world to know and wants Chenle to never doubt it. Fuck.
“I love it. I really fucking love it.” Jisung says, his heart swelling.
“Ah! You’re crying again.” Chenle hugs him this time as he laughs all while comforting him.
Jisung has been hiding this entire year. He decides in this moment. He wants to learn to be brave.
December 31
Jisung tells all his friends that he’s finally going to do it. He’s free-falling, he’s jumping out of an airplane with reckless abandon without a parachute. He’s always been safe, careful. Tonight is the night. He just hopes that if he jumps, Chenle catches him.
Chenle’s always been reliable, hasn’t he, though.
They’re outside on their balcony as the clock ticks down, midnight approaching fast. Chenle holds a bottle of cheap wine for celebratory purposes. They couldn’t really splurge after all.
The stars are out radiant, twinkling, dazzling.
“You know, I think I get it.” Chenle says suddenly.
Jisung turns swiftly to look at his friend.
“Why you like looking at the stars. I think I get it.”
Jisung tilts his head.
“I think I just like looking at them because they make me think of your nerdy ass though.” Chenle laughs just a bit, his shoulders shake with it. Jisung laughs too and taps him on the head.
“Honestly, I see them in your eyes.” Jisung shifts his eyes away admitting to something that sappy is still a bit embarrassing.
Chenle falls silent, a blush settled on his face. At least Jisung thinks. His older friend hides his face away in his gloved hands.
“Ah when did you get so corny?” He teases.
Jisung didn’t know he was corny. Not until recently that is.
It’s 11:59 on the dot. There’s a crawling sensation under his skin. His stomach is queasy because this could all go wrong so fast, but what better way to start the new year than walking into it… maybe as boyfriends, hopefully.
“Can I do something? I’ve been wanting to do it since we left the cabin.” Jisung asks, carefully. “Y-You don’t have to.”
Chenle is frozen. Speechless. Just nods in reply.
January 1
12:00 midnight.
Jisung dives forward. The bottle of wine falls from Chenle’s hands, rolls somewhere else as his hands shoot up to hold Jisung’s face. They kiss tender and slow at first. Then deep, passionate, hungry so hungry and desperate. As if they’ve been starving themselves for months because, well, they have been. Jisung feels the glove material tickle his face and he smiles. Smiles even wider that this is happening. That this is real.
That this isn’t some stupid ass dare.
He pulls away. Chenle’s chest is rising and falling, breathless.
“I like this a lot.” Jisung says breathlessly.
“I do too.” Chenle whispers.
“I think we should do this more. Make it an everyday thing. What do you think?” Jisung asks, heart thumping in his chest.
Chenle stills completely, a breath caught somewhere in his throat. “I-Is this the part where I start choking?” He tries teasing.
“You’re such a shit.” Jisung laughs, blushing at the memory of himself nearly a year ago getting flustered over Chenle wanting to make him breakfast and offering him orange juice.
“But am I your shit?” Chenle looks into Jisung's eyes.
“Mhmm hmm. Always. I think I’m stuck with you.” Jisung leans down and kisses him again. They kiss a lot actually. Until there’s no air in their lungs. Until they’re gasping for air. They stumble back inside, falling onto the couch. Jisung on top of Chenle.
“Um…Just to check…You know I was asking you to be my boyfriend, right?” Jisung questions.
“Oh my god.” Chenle playfully smacks him in the shoulder. “Yes, we’re boyfriends, dummy.”
The apartment is fine, yeah.
Jisung’s roommate on the other hand…
He's too much. Too loud. He talks too much. He's too present. Too insistent. Too many pretty features on one face. He's too much for Jisung's little heart and he doesn't know what to do with all of Chenle.
But honestly, Jisung fucking loves it all.
Loves all of Chenle.