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Nagito's day was going horribly. His luck was not treating him in any way today, which he hoped would change before the sun began to set.
First thing in the morning, in the restaurant, he slipped as he was about to go sit down and dropped his plate right on Hiyoko's head which earned him a solid slap on the face from the short girl and a lecture from Mahiru.
He noted the event in his mind silently as a promise of further awful occurrences and sat down next to Hajime to eat.
“So, Hinata-kun, how has your morning been so far?” He smiled gently as he moved his chair further away from Hajime so as to not invade his space and started eating his little portion of food.
He was listening, of course; after all, how could he not listen to Hajime? However today his mind seemed to drift away a bit and was soon filled with those words of self-deprecation.
He was so disgusting and yet there he sat, among the other Ultimates. He was always making their lives slightly unbearable just by existing, however today he just had to make himself absolutely insufferable, didn’t he?
…
What was he even saying? They couldn't possibly care enough to be bothered to pay him any mind, even if it meant purely negative attention, right? He really would be better off-
“Hey, Nagito, are you okay?” Hajime. Oh, Hajime. The boy had put a steadying hand on Nagito's shoulder, that worried expression plastered on his face. Nagito really didn't deserve him. Suddenly he became awfully aware of the tears in his eyes which he quickly blinked away before replying.
“Oh, sorry, I must have spaced out. I apologize, I didn't sleep well last night… But it's not like it would concern you, haha. I should've been listening to you. I'm sorry, Hajime.” Hajime's expression shifted upon hearing those same words he'd always bash Nagito for. He lowered his voice and squeezed his shoulder in reassurance.
“It does concern me, Nagito. That's why I asked. Do you want to talk?” Hajime already knew what the answer would be, but he would always like to check up on his boyfriend this way. Nagito simply laughed, shook his head and stood up from the table before making a beeline for the stairs.
—-------------
His ears were ringing. That was the only thing that got through to him as he realized he was now in his cottage. He felt as if he would vomit any second, those feelings of absolute despair filling him to the brim. How long did he spend, sure of the fact that Hajime would no longer look at him, much less speak with him, laying on his bed as tears helplessly poured out?
There was someone at the door. Was there? Nagito's brain was fuzzy, more so than in his usual, near daily, weak moments when he inevitably ended up breaking down. He got up lazily and opened the door. He didn't want anyone to see him in such a disgusting state, hell, he was disgusting to begin with and this was 10 times worse, no, a 100, and everyone would hate him so much, he'd never-
Hajime. Hajime was hugging him. Nagito would've smelled his cologne if not for his clogged nose, which was currently smearing some of the snot on Hajime's shirt.
Absolutely repulsive.
“Nagito. You're okay, I'm not going anywhere.” He squeezed him again, the pressure eliciting more sobs from Nagito. He was utterly pathetic, crying in front of the person he held closest. The person he couldn't afford to lose or he would fall apart. He'd surely leave, he was going to end up all alone, those words of his meant nothing.
Nagito found that he needed it to hurt. And so he did the next best thing and kissed Hajime.
The kiss was absolutely intoxicating, making the despairing hole in his chest grow. He was drinking the poison directly from its source whilst injecting his own venom back into it. He nearly felt bliss, or the closest feeling to it, and so he allowed himself to let out a pleasured gasp.
He stopped crying now. Hajime was looking at him, utterly confused. He didn't deserve all the bullshit Nagito hauled everywhere he went. He laughed, the sound raspy and all too wrong. He covered his mouth with his hand as more sobs escaped his throat. He felt dizzy as he slid down the wall.
Nagito needed it all to be painful.
He dug his nails into his arm, the sensation dulled and not nearly enough. He was clawing at his skin now, something making the action harder than it should be.
“Nagito, please, stop that!” Hajime. Hajime was upset.
Nagito's hands immediately dropped to his sides and he looked up with red eyes at his lover. Both of them looked panicked, eyes wide and mouths twisted. Nagito froze. He couldn't do anything, but watch as the person he loved most started crying. And all because of him.
He automatically started his string of apologies, hands quickly flying up to his head in an attempt to hide. He wanted to curl up and die right there on that floor.
Instead, he was gently guided onto the bed and handed some tissues which he used as soon as he heard Hajime say: “Come on, clean up.”. His voice was incredibly gentle and soft.
He didn't deserve him, not even one bit. He had to make it better for Hajime, he had to make himself more bearable, he couldn't just…
Oh. He could offer himself to Hajime. He could let him use his pathetic body as much as he wanted; after all this was all he was good for. He could make Hajime feel good as an apology for this, he would be forgiven, finally.
As soon as his face was clean, he reached for Hajime's hair with trembling hands, an uneasy smile on his face. Tears might have started flowing down his cheeks again, but he overlooked them as he started kissing his boyfriend once again. He closed his eyes to not register the expression on Hajime's face: first bewildered, then one of resignation.
Both of them knew this was getting them nowhere. Both of them knew this was unhealthy, awful, destructive - you name it. But somehow they found that they couldn't stop.
Nagito's clumsy fingers failed at unbuttoning Hajime's shirt, a familiar disappointment once again settling in his gut. He left Hajime to undress himself, ogling him as he took off his own hoodie, roughly wiping his face with it. He nearly tore his shirt because of his eagerness and jumped right back on Hajime as soon as his own chest was exposed.
He was kissing all over his lover's neck which made both of them breathe heavier in sheer excitement. Despite the problematic nature of these encounters, they never failed to enjoy them with their whole hearts.
Nagito's skin was touching Hajime's and he found it an incredible privilege he never thought he'd have. Hajime was kissing him and it made Nagito melt completely. His brain however absolutely fried the second Hajime's calloused fingers brushed against his stomach, making their way down to his pants to unbutton them.
Nagito keened at the attention and raised his hips to let Hajime remove the unnecessary clothing from his body. He last showered this morning; he probably smelled, Hajime would surely comment on it the second he realized that.
But he didn't. Instead, he brought his mouth right to the tip of Nagito's penis - Nagito's heart couldn't possibly take it, he would have a heart attack as soon as-
Oh, he was absolutely addicted. He inhaled deeply as if savoring the delightful feeling and exhaled with a moan. He truly didn't deserve this.
“H-Hajime…” Nagito's cold fingers felt wonderful on Hajime's scalp and he shivered at the touch. He pulled his mouth off of his lover once he'd figured he'd gotten him to near-full hardness.
Hajime gave Nagito a good long look, staring him up and down, making Nagito tremble slightly as he anticipated what would happen next.
“Nagito, you're the most beautiful man I've ever had the luck of meeting.”
…
…What?
Hajime… Hajime, an Ultimate, was saying this about… Him? About the lowlife that was now shuddering under him because of the sheer intensity of it all?
Hajime, however, didn't give Nagito too much time to think as his lips once again found those of his boyfriend's and made him forget all about those thoughts.
Barely looking, the location already memorized, Hajime reached for the right-side bedside table, opened the drawer and took out the lube. He broke the kiss only to squirt out some of the substance onto his hand.
He rubbed it between his fingers to warm it up a bit, looking briefly at Nagito who was, quite obviously, enjoying this little prelude.
“You're so pretty I could never find the words to describe it, Nagito.”
And with that, he put one of his fingers inside of Komaeda.
The whine that escaped him was unimaginable and would probably be ingrained in Hajime's brain forever, as it had been the most erotically animalistic sound he had ever elicited from his lover.
Nagito immediately put a hand over his mouth, tears already forming in his eyes and so he made no more sound.
Although shocked, Hajime continued working his fingers into Nagito, adding another one and another one after certain periods of time he already knew all too well. This made Nagito fall right back into a state of relaxation and he exhaled shakily in order to calm himself down.
Once Hajime decided Nagito had been stretched enough, he took out his fingers one by one, letting the sensation in Nagito's gut simmer for longer before disappearing completely.
“God, you're so pretty…” He ran his soaked fingers across Nagito's chest who whimpered as a response. Nagito wouldn't admit it right now in fear of ruining the mood, but those words of praise made him feel special. It was like he finally mattered. Even so, once this was over he would surely disprove that claim to himself and make himself feel like scum of the Earth once more.
In spite of that, he decided to enjoy himself tonight and let loose a little or maybe sneak in a tiny remark about how sexy Hajime looked, topping him, but it would be only to see him embarrassed.
His trail of thought got interrupted by Hajime's gentle question.
“Are you okay? You seem pretty out of it. We don't have to do it if you don't feel up to it tonight.” He offered a reassuring smile and god damn - any deity, even Junko fucking Enoshima herself could strike Nagito down if he'd say it didn't make him love Hinata unbearably more than he already did.
“I'm okay. Go ahead.” He tried to not reveal his hopes for what would happen to his body in the nearest future and he made sure of that flawlessly.
“Rail me for as long as you want, Hinata-kun.”
To say Hajime was flustered would be an understatement: the man started sputtering and his eyes were darting all across the room, never resting on Nagito's bare body for longer than a second. It was like he had finally realized what situation he was in now that he allowed himself to focus on his enjoyment and not that of his partner.
“Allow me.” Nagito's voice was suddenly low, but still steady as he put one of his hands on Hajime's shoulders for support and used his other one to spread himself open and then lowered himself right onto Hajime.
Oh, how he had missed it. He loved being filled like this and would never fail to express it properly. He leaned against Hajime's ear as he slid further down the length of the now groaning man.
“I love feeling you inside of me. It fills me with so much hope.” He whispered into Hajime's ear and it made the man's eyes widen. His immediate reaction, however, surprised Nagito as his lover lifted him up, put him on his back and plunged right into him again. Now he'd done it. He smirked as he watched that delicious desire wash over Hajime in waves and he already knew he would get exactly what he wanted.
The pace Hajime had set was simply brutal - he was thrusting into Nagito faster than he ever had, gripping his lover with incredible force despite not needing much to move him around however he liked. He absolutely adored being able to shift his boyfriend from one position to another in seconds and with minimal effort, however was also worried about his health given how skinny he was.
He tried not to stress too much about it and decided to focus on the elated moans of Nagito whose whole body was shaking. Hajime tried to catch out as many details as he could whilst still slamming into Nagito with the same rhythm: he looked absolutely euphoric with his lips parted seductively and eyes looking deeply into Hajime's yet unfocused. He barely had time to register how messy, but also ethereal Nagito's hair looked and how his usually pale skin turned a gorgeous shade of pink before the sensations started catching up to him.
Nagito, however, was trying his absolute best to make Hajime feel as fantastic as someone as worthless as him could. The second Hajime was fully inside of him he started pulsating his entrance and moving his hips to match the movement of Hajime's - all to make the experience all the more stimulating. He couldn't do much more besides that, so he settled for crossing his legs behind Hajime's back.
He didn't even realize when, in a blur of ecstasy, he found himself nearly at the peak of pleasure. He began breathing more irregularly which in turn made his sounds nearly cease in existence - a vast change from when he was still getting pounded within the inch of his life. Now, Hajime was going considerably slower, but not slow enough to make Nagito enjoy it any less.
Hajime didn't take too long to even out his own pleasure with his boyfriend's as his momentum seemed to stutter more and more - he was now thrusting deep, hard and rarely, rather than shallowly and often as before.
Right before they both were to finish, Nagito spoke up rather hesitantly, as if he was too overwhelmed with the sensation.
“...I love you, Hajime.”
And with that, he got sent straight into the most mind-blowing orgasm he would ever get the pathetic chance to experience. He could swear his vision went black for a split second as he shot ropes of cum on his stomach, barely registering the fact.
Hajime soon followed suit, burrowing himself deep into Nagito and spilling inside of him which made Nagito cry out.
“Please, Hajime, fill me up, please.” He clung onto his lover with shaky legs and he could swear that he felt Hajime releasing even more potently after that statement of his. He started fervently kissing him on his neck, giving him love in any way he could.
Soon it was all over, but Nagito felt like he could stay in that position forever. Although Hajime, given that he was still of sound mind, managed to pry himself away from Nagito and pulled out, making the sticky mess release on the bed sheets below.
Nagito had half a mind to think about cleaning himself up as he scooped up some of his own cum and put it right into his mouth, slurping obscenely and looking directly at Hajime whilst doing so.
“S-Stop that. I'll get you some paper towels.” He got up promptly, reached for some tissues on the nightstand and handed the box to Nagito. He didn't dare comment on any of the words that Nagito said whilst intoxicated with love and pleasure - that would mean he would also have to acknowledge and think about his own feelings which he wasn't feeling up to at the moment.
As soon as Nagito had cleaned himself he looked at Hajime. He clearly had something on his mind, but was explicitly waiting for permission to say it.
“What is it?” Hajime didn't really want to deal with Nagito's bullshit right now, too tired to think about anything else but sleeping even though it was only the afternoon.
“Could you… Stay with me? It doesn't have to be for long; obviously you wouldn't want to waste your time with scum like me, but-” He couldn't find more words in him as his eyes glazed over once more that day.
“Nagito, you're not scum. And I'll stay with you as long as you'd like.” His voice was dripping with compassion as he stood up and went to draw the blinds. Nagito simply watched. He outlined each and every curve of Hajime's body before they were both enveloped in near total darkness.
They soon found themselves laying in bed, the distance between them not big enough for them to call themselves friends, but not small enough to talk about full intimacy. And yet after laying like this in silence for a couple minutes, Hajime spoke up with his voice barely audible. He said only one sentence even though he had so much more to say; he would say it some other time. Nevertheless, his words rang in Nagito's ears up until the point when he fell asleep:
“I love you too, Nagito.”