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“please!”
thoma has been annoyingly pleading you for days now.
“you know i hate these events. it’s just a bunch of rich families tooting eachothers horns, thoma.”
“but my family love you! and i can’t just bring nobody!”
he looks desperate now. you figure he’s not going to give up anytime soon.
“fine! but just as friends!”
you say this because he always, always, begs you to pretend to be his girlfriend. something about all the other boys his age being with pretty girls at the event.
“deal!” he lets out a very, very large sigh of relief. thoma hates going to these things on his own, the whole pretending to be stuck-up and rich thing really doesn’t interest him, or you for that matter. but, his parents love you, and they love to host these gatherings.
it stresses you out really. every time you’ve attended it’s just a load of old people talking about how their child is a genius, going to be the next best owner of their company. thoma, is one of those children, and also your annoying best friend. you’ve been unable to get rid of him since kindergarten.
“they aren’t that bad you know, you might find a nice rich future husband.” he says this like you want that. you’re working hard on your degree so you can earn your own money after all, not looking for some self absorbed rich kid. you just glare at him, one eyebrow raised. that makes him get apologetic pretty quickly.
“you better buy me something nice to wear.” you figure you might as well get as much as you can out of him. call it compensation for forcing you to attend these things.
“consider it done m’lady!”
“shut up.”
you really hope thoma gets a girlfriend soon. unfortunately, you know him extremely well and his parents are big fans of you. making you a great candidate when he needs someone to bother. honestly, you don’t mind most of it though. it’s an excuse to wear something nice, eat good food and stare at cute men. although, they’re not so cute once they open their mouths.
the events date is upcoming tomorrow, thoma bought you a nice ballroom style dress to wear too. things are looking pretty decent. you still have to go to class unfortunately, sitting through this lecture makes you want to die of boredom. the people in it aren’t the best either. there’s that girl you went to school with, the creepy nerdy kid who always sits next to you, and worst of all, there’s ajax.
he’s never done anything to you personally, in fact, he’s probably never even noticed you. but god does he rile you up. the way he walks into the class and gets greeted by at least three girls every time, without failure. the way he always knows the answers to profs questions. and the way that every single girl swoons over him. the worst thing is, you find him so, so annoyingly attractive too. god, he has such good style and even when his hair looks messy he’s such a sight for sore eyes. real eye candy he is. looking at him gets you through these boring classes.
when your professor starts reminding the class of your upcoming deadlines, you’re snapped right out of lala land. you make your way out of class immediately, not even saying bye to anyone. you’ve always been like that, and then you wonder why you have such a horrific social life at college.
you’re at thomas before the event starts, his mother was insistent on doing your hair beforehand. she does it in a painstakingly beautiful way, but a very typical one too. you know, the signature rich ballroom hair. that one. it looks good on you though, nobody would even guess you’ve come from a common background dressed like this. you have one of those gorgeous triple-layered necklaces on too, but damn are they so uncomfortable. thomas just giving you a stupid grin. he sure is happy to have a pretty girl to accompany him to this.
you make your way down the grandeur staircase when it begins, entering the unnecessarily big hall. thoma tries to link arms with you, but you don’t bother entertaining it. you did say just as friends after all, you don’t even want to look anything like a couple with him. you start greeting people with thoma and his family,
“who’s the pretty girl, thoma?” one older guy asks.
“oh she’s-“
you cut him off,
“i’m his childhood friend!” you say it with a conniving smile. you know thoma has an obsession with wanting a girlfriend, so it was probably best to cut him off before he says something stupid.
you’re observing your surroundings, drinking the complementary champagne, before you see a familiar face. you almost spit out your drink, stopping yourself, when you realise who it is. ajax. great. just great.
you’re not sure if him being an over privileged rich boy makes him more, or less attractive.
“what’s your sudden problem?” thomas asking you with a perplexed expression, turning to see what you’re looking at.
“him. has he always gone to these events? he’s in my class. and god he’s annoying.” ajax is dressed even nicer today though. he looks unreal in that suit, it even has red accents too, which you think suits him extremely well. his hair is well-groomed for once too, slightly slicked back.
“oh really? it’s my first time seeing him, seems like he didn’t bring a guest?” that’s true, ajax seems to have not brought anyone with him. he’s with what looks like his parents, just talking to people. weird, you’d think a guy like him would have an equally-as-attractive, rich girlfriend.
maybe you were staring a little too hard, because all of a sudden he’s glaring right back at you. his expression looks more on the serious side, it’s different from when you see him in class. you just look away and continue to chat away, pretending you can’t see him walking your way in your peripheral vision.
“hi! you must be thoma, right? it’s a pleasure to meet you, your parents are very talented” ajax shakes both yours and thomas hands and gives a polite bow. thoma replies and introduces you upon his request, ajax gives you a boyish smile. you’re stood around sheepishly whilst the two of them are chatting about all sorts of things, hardly inputting into their conversation too much. they seem to be hitting it off pretty well, this could be problematic.
oh ajax likes you. he really likes you. he’s never seen someone look so normal, yet stunning, in ballroom attire. he really likes that. similarly to how he told thoma, he’s not really a fan of playing the rich boy.
you don’t speak much, but when you do, he loves it. he’s wonders why he never met you sooner. the way you’re clung to thoma’s side, it’s cute, he finds you so, so cute. although, he wouldn’t act on those things. out of respect for your relationship, of course.
the night carries on, you don’t really do much, other than listen in on thoma’s and ajax’s conversation. they haven’t stopped talking since they met, it feels like one of those weird crossover episodes. you wonder if he has a girlfriend, surely his parents must have someone amazing lined up for him? thoma’s parents have already created a list of potential suitresses for him, you don’t doubt ajax has one too. in that case, it’s best you don’t show any interest in him. his parents wouldn’t want him near someone of your calibre, after all.
you’re the first one to get into your lecture the next morning, taking a seat towards the back. usually those seats are all taken by the time you arrive, so it’ll be a nice change of pace. you considered skipping this class today, you were tired after yesterday and definitely don’t look nearly as good as you did. it feels like taking off a mask when you get back into your normal attire and makeup, no longer having to play the part of thoma’s rich childhood friend. it’s kind of fun though, like a double life?
your day dreaming is, once again, interrupted. but not by the professor this time. “no way! you’re in this class too?” there’s ajax. seems like thoma brought his attention to you, what a treat.
“you should pay more attention. i’ve been here the entire time.” he gives you a stupid puppy frown at the insult, and you hate that you find it adorable too.
oh, ajax is so happy at this turn of events. he really thought he wouldn’t see you again after yesterday. you’re happy too, in a weird way. after two long years of watching him, he’s finally seeing you back. you’re no longer just one of many girls who sit in the shadows, thinking he’s the most handsome man their eyes have ever laid upon.
“can i sit here?” he doesn’t even wait for a reply before taking his seat next to yours. this makes you blush slightly, he’s never been this close to you. you never even imagined he could be this close to you. ajax can see that you’re tense, was it something he said? regardless, he finds it cute. maybe he’d start attending this class more often after all.
“yeah, don’t bring a swarm of girls with you though.” you reply rather coldly, but you mean it in a playful way. he finds it sad though, you really think of him like that? ajax may be a chick magnet, but he doesn’t want that. you can feel his gaze on your neck, but you try your hardest not to turn his way. keeping your head straight. you really don’t want any of that awkward eye contact. you’ve only ever known how to stare at him unrequitedly, not the opposite.
“you look different out of that fancy attire, it’s nice.” ajax has always hated those events, making him like your casual outfit much more. it’s so refreshing to him.
you, on the other hand, can’t tell if that was meant to be a compliment or not. “likewise.” is all you say. he’s asking you if that’s a compliment or an insult, but you just ignore it. if he was complimenting you, you were complimenting him. and vice versa. not that he needs a compliment from you, he gets them from beautiful girls every single day. but gods, does he want a compliment from you. he can only imagine how you calling him handsome would sound in your voice, how it would roll off your tongue in the most perfect way.
the rest of the class goes by pretty quietly, with some small remarks about the teaching from ajax here and there. you’ve got an assignment coming up soon, one you’ll need to find a partner for. you figure you’ll just wait until you get assigned one, it’s not like you have many friends in this class anyways. “wanna buddy up, buddy?” ajax tries to make a pun out of the question. it doesn’t go down very well with you, but you giggle at it a little because of how stupid it is. he likes that. your laugh is as soft as your voice, he’d do anything to hear it one more time.
“yeah.” it’s a short answer, but it’s a sweet one. you’re smiling at him in a genuine way, you really and truly feel happy to finally have your own partner for these things. and it’s ajax. how did you get so lucky. well, he’s thinking the exact same. seeing that adorable grin of yours, how he’s the luckiest boy to make you smile like that. well, your boyfriend probably does it more, he thinks.
after leaving the class, you completely realise you forgot to get his number for the project. you figure it’s worth asking thoma if he has his contact information, since they seem to get along so well.
ring. ring. no answer.
thoma never ignores your calls, what the hell could he be doing? you shrug it off, he’ll call you back when he gets a chance.
and calls you back he does. you’re sat in bed, not doing much, so you just answer.
“so now you want to talk to me, huh?” you start the conversation with a little sass, he should feel sorry for ignoring you. sorry he is, he’s very apologetic before asking why you called.
you continue, “i was wondering if you had ajax’s contact? we are meant to work on a project together and—“
“i’m with ajax right now actually, come over? you guys can work on your project here, or we can play games?” well that is a most unexpected turn of events. he’s really with ajax? they got along that well that they’re already going to each other's houses?
“you’re replacing me with ajax now?” you snap at thoma, playfully of course. he of course, denies your accusation, and begins his act of begging you to come over.
in which you reply with a sharp “fine.” before hanging up the phone abruptly.
the three of you are now gathered in thomas room, sat around his kotatsu. you take your seat next to ajax, you must’ve sat too close or something because he shuffles slightly away. ouch. you know you’re not his type, but that stung a little. thoma is sat across from the two of you, he can feel the awkwardness between you and ajax. there’s a moment of silence before thoma clears his throat and asks what everyone wants to do.
you say work on the project, ajax says play board games. is he a child? board games? well, he is the son of the biggest toy company after all. you give him a very harsh side eye for it. ajax didn’t like that. was it something he did? he didn’t feel like he was being too invasive, so why were you so cold to him?
you eventually settle on playing monopoly with them. what even was the point of this? you only wanted to work on the project and get his number. it only tugs at your heartstrings to sit here and act like you don’t have a massive crush on him. whatever. your turn comes, and the die is sitting over next to ajax. you lean over him to reach him, this makes him shy in a way only thoma notices. his arm covering his face to hide his redness, you think he’s only lifting his arm to allow you to pass.
thoma can’t help but notice the odd atmosphere of it all, and he’s not one to get uncomfortable but he needs to know what’s happening. he simply asks you to come and have a conversation with him in another room, and you do so.
ajax is sat there alone, waiting for the two of you to return. he could only imagine what you were doing, probably having some sort of intimate couple moment and wanting privacy for it. he just lets out a massive sigh, he’s never felt so torn over a girl before. usually he’s a straightforward, easy-going and committed guy, but this situation is uneasy for him. he’s basically thoma’s best friend at this point, but has a crush on what he thinks is his girlfriend. this is a new low for him.
thoma deadpans at you, looking more serious than you think you’ve ever seen him. “what the hell is going on!” he looks completely puzzled, genuinely searching for some answers. problem is, you haven’t a clue what he’s talking about. you just stare at him perplexed, tilting your head slightly.
“don’t act like you don’t get it! it’s awkward? i think? i mean you both act like you don’t want to be next to each other, but then at the same time seem like you’re gushing over each other? is there something between the two of you?” he just throws it all at you. it takes you a while to process his words, he must be seeing something else from you. all you know, is that ajax is not one bit interested in you and you’re hopelessly obsessed with him. you don’t even bother asking for elaboration, you just state you ‘don’t like him’ and ‘there’s nothing between you’. only one of those statements was a lie. you know ajax doesn’t like you anyways, no point in pondering over it.
you all stay at thoma’s house until late, playing games, talking, and even doing a start on the project with ajax. as dreadful as it’s been to spend this long with your completely unattainable crush, it’s been fun. you’ve been more talkative today, and ajax loves that. he’s starting to get your personality more too, that sarcastic, playful side of you. he really really likes it. he loves that you’re more comfortable around him, but god is it digging him into a deeper hole. the more he learns about you, the more serious his feelings get. what started off as a small attraction, is spiralling into him being mesmerised with absolutely everything you do.
and it’s the same for you too. you thought he was just like any other rich, fuckboy. but he seems like he’s so much more, he’s spoken about his family life, his hobbies. he’s spoken about his siblings, tonia and teucer, who he seems to love dearly. that really is adorable to you, he’s even good with kids, what a man. his hobbies are strange, he’s into theatre, ice fishing, boxing, not at all what you’d expect from him. he’s so, so much more than just a pretty face, that makes you even more nervous though. how would someone as boring and dull as yourself, ever have a chance with someone so attractive and full of personality like him.
you figure it’s best to not get too close to him, but for now, whilst you’re doing the project, it’s fine.
over the next few days, things have been normal. the same life you lived before you met ajax, but the project deadline was coming up. you figured it’d be best to shoot ajax a few texts, to see if you can get it finished by the end of this week.
you: hey r u free to work on the project soon ?
he replies almost immediately,
ajax: hi hi yes i can do today!! u can come 2 mine if u want??
you’d rather not go to his, it seems a little too, personal. it’s probably better if you just meet in the library, right? you don’t want to get that involved in his life. it’ll be too hard to leave.
you: oh idk the library is probs closer if u just want to go there ?
ajax stings at that. you were definitely making an excuse so you wouldn’t have to go to his house. oh well, he guesses it would be weird for you, since you have a boyfriend.
ajax: okk omw meet at 3?
you: cool
so you start to get ready. you just throw on something simple, jeans and a jumper. comfy but cute? you throw your hair into a ponytail with a claw clip that thoma’s sister gifted to you. the nerves were hitting you slightly, meeting ajax without thoma around. is it too late to invite him to work on a project he’s not even in the class for? you take a deep breath, trying to compose yourself. it’s just as classmates after all, no feelings involved.
once you arrive, you and ajax collaborate to look for a table. it’s pretty busy in the library, with final exams coming up. you’ve probably both walked around 3 times now, nearly in complete silence, without finding anywhere to sit. thankfully, ajax is the first to break the silence in the end.
“pretty busy, huh? surely there’s somewhere else we can go right?” somewhere else… you’re looking up at him whilst thinking of what he said. there’s a noticeable height difference between the two of you, you really are in two different worlds in every aspect. the only similarity is the way you’re dressed, he’s in jeans and a relaxed shirt with two silver chains on his neck. his hair is messier today, but he has a blonde streak that you never once noticed before. an expensive watch and a leather belt. you would hardly tell he’s the heir to the biggest toy company. he looks good like this though, it makes your otherwise unattainable crush, look like you’d actually have a chance with him.
you shake the thought out of your mind. you know it’s unrealistic for you to ever be his girlfriend, there’s not even a point in daydreaming about him. your eyes meet his deep blue gaze when you go to answer him, shaking your nerves even more. you decide you should just blurt it out, butchering it slightly as you do so.
“my… house..?” stuttering as you say it in a very low voice, basically mumbling it.
ajax is trying to figure out if he heard you correctly. you want him to go to your house? i mean it’s only for the project but still, it turns him into a ball of nerves. why is he even acting like this? he’s never been nervous around a girl before, he knows how to show what he wants. but you, you make him act in a way that’s completely unnatural to him. is it because you’re his best friends girlfriend? no, usually in that case he’d detach himself instantly. but with you, he can’t do it. he doesn’t want to let go of you, but he knows he can’t pursue things with you. he’s in a complete state of limbo.
you decide to continue, thinking maybe he didn’t hear you because of how quietly you said things. “i mean, my house? i live alone whilst i’m at college so we can just get the work done?” oh no, you realise how you made it sound after you said it. alone… at your house. you want to hide in a ball like a small hamster and just run away from it all. ajax realises this too, your house, without your parents around? that makes him even more nervous. how is he meant to hear that from a girl he likes and just, move on? some part of him wonders if he should destroy all of his morals and make his move on you. he knows he couldn’t though, loyalty is the most important thing to him. what is it about you that makes him consider things completely out of character for him?
after an awkward while of staring and recovering from how you said it, he agrees to go to yours. you were completely against going to his house, his family would be there and everything. they’d stare at you and judge him for even so much as looking at a common girl like you. but at your house, you can just relax and do the work. and once it’s all done, you can kick him out and not think twice about it.
ajax takes a seat next to you on your desk, making sure to keep a noticeable distance between the two of you. he wonders if you’re going to tell thoma, your boyfriend would want to know right? he wonders if he should tell him? no, he shouldn’t pry into your relationship, he doesn’t even really know you that well. it’s really none of his business. as much as he wishes he knew everything about you. he’s just listening to you talk about the work, and assigning him tasks to do. he loves listening to you talk, you’re quiet around him, so it’s a real treat when he hears it. thing is, you speak pretty monotone around him, like you don’t even want to be there. he figures you probably don’t, but have you really done so much for you to dislike him?
you on the other end, are trying to pretend like he isn’t even there. refusing to look up from the work, refusing to acknowledge half the things he says. you just want to get this project done as quickly as you can, if you even so much as think about what’s happening you won’t function. i mean how could you? the guy you’ve been watching from a distance every single day for years, is in your house. ajax is sitting in your room, he’s not sitting next to you but he’s still here. this is basically every girl in your classes dream, and you’re the one living it.
once you finish the work, you thank him and make up some excuse of having other stuff to do. so he leaves pretty abruptly, not being able to stick around with you basically pushing him out the front door. the smell of his cologne is still lingering and his warmth still remaining on the seat. you crash onto your bed, face first. it’s been a way too overwhelming day for you and you just need to hole yourself up in this room forever now. you figure once this is all over, you won’t see him again and you won’t need to feel like this anymore. not until the next semester, atleast.
the day of the project comes, and you both present it nearly flawlessly. if there’s one thing you’re good at, it’s this. you leave the room, ready to say goodbye. you know this is going to be the last time you bother contacting him, it’s better to avoid him and save yourself from all the unnecessary pain. he fluffs your hair, patting your head. “we did good.” he’s giving you that heart wrenching boyish grin. time feels like it’s going slower in this moment, you want to treasure it.
“yeah we did. i’m gonna head home now, busy day ahead.” oh ajax knows you’re lying, you always say that when you want an excuse to leave. the semester is done now, he doesn’t know when he’s next going to see you. that makes him not want to leave you here, but he’s nobody to you, he doesn’t get to make that choice.
you stare at each other for a while, not doing or saying anything. simply just basking in his presence, but you decide to cut it short. the faster you get this done with, the faster you can rid of these feelings.
“goodbye, ajax.”
it took everything in you to not turn around and look at him one more time, but you stayed strong to your decision. you’d go back to being strangers, he’d go back to just being the attractive boy in your class.
it’s been a few weeks since the project, you initially had holed yourself up in your room ignoring all of your calls and texts from thoma. you even had one from ajax.
ajax: hey are u ok
2w ago.
that was the only time he’s bothered to contact you, which was probably just because thoma had asked him to. it doesn’t affect you as much as it did at first though, you know you’re not anything special to him and you’ve accepted that.
the last 3 weeks have gone by very average, very boring, and very depressive. the most you’ve let your house to do is get groceries. you’ve just mainly lived off ordering food, sitting in bed all day and watching shows. you had two ways to forget about your feelings for ajax. the first one was to find someone else to crush on and make bad decisions with said person, the other was to rot in bed until you can’t feel it anymore. you chose the latter, obviously.
but now you’ve decided you’re over it, you need to get up and do something. this was also, by force, from thoma. he’s been non-stop calling and texting, and you figure you can’t keep worrying him like this. so, you answered the phone today and are now heading over to his house to hang out. you’ll just make up some excuse about drowning in assignments.
which you did, and his response was “but aren’t you and ajax in the same class? he hasn’t mentioned any assignments.” oh crap. you completely forgot about his stupid friendship with ajax, you would’ve thought they’d have drifted apart or something by now. clearly not.
“you’ve been seeing ajax?”
“huh. he’s been non-stop asking about you too. weird.”
he’s been asking about you? it must’ve been because thoma was talking about you, he doesn’t have much interest in you. you decide to not dwell on it for too long, in the fear that your feelings might resurface even more. just play games with thoma and go back home like the old times, no ajax.
“do you want to come out tomorrow? with me and ajax?” with ajax. huh. you wish you could go and see him as nothing more than a friend. you wish that you could see this as a nice friendship group. but it’s not that, it’s so much more to you. you hate yourself for ruining a perfectly good potential friendship with this. maybe one day it could happen, when you stop thinking about him the most hopelessly romantic way.
ajax is staring down at his phone, in pure disappointment of the text that he just received.
thoma: she said no
of course that was going to be the outcome, what did he really expect. you don’t like hanging out with him. they’ve invited you to hang out with the two of them nearly every single day for the past three weeks. he knows you’re only declining and saying no because he’s there. but why do you hate him this much? by now, if you were any other girl, he’d move on from this situation. but for some reason, he just can’t bring himself to forget about you.
he’s finding himself missing every single tiny aspect of you. the way your hair felt when he touched it, even if it was only for such a short time. the way you had looked up at him with such an innocent, pure look in your eyes whilst his hand was on your head. the things he would’ve done to you if he were yours. even pushing all of those thoughts aside, he misses the simplest things too. the way you have such a small and cute laugh, when you’re so obviously pretending you didn’t find his jokes funny. how he felt when he heard you speak for the first time, how you made him feel just from sitting close to him. he finds himself going absolutely crazy over you, his body heating up and his cheeks flushing hot red at every little thing you do.
he needs to see you. even if it’s just to stare at you from a far distance. he just wants to see you and make sure you’re happy. why wouldn’t you be? with a guy like thoma as your boyfriend, he’s sure you’re happier without him invading your life. but still, he just needs to see it in the flesh one last time.
christmas is approaching, which is evident when you’re walking back from thoma’s house. the cold weather nipping at your cheeks, making your nose flush red. the snow that has only recently started filing the roads today is piling down again, falling in your hair and brushing against your skin. your eyes are glued to the floor, watching your step carefully for the ice and puddles.
ajax can’t believe his eyes when he sees you stood there. you’re walking home, but thoma isn’t with you. what kind of boyfriend would let his girlfriend walk alone at this time? his initial plan was watch you and gain the closure he needed. but how could he just watch? he wants to be the one holding your hand and show you how a real man would treat you.
you turn your body around with pace when you hear a familiar voice calling over to you. is it really ajax, are your eyes deceiving you? has he come to haunt you? he’s speedily walking to you, placing a hand on your shoulder once he reaches you. it really is him. who else has that blaringly bright ginger hair and those lifeless, yet ethereal blue eyes. you’re lost for words. you don’t even know what to say.
luckily, you don’t have to say anything, because he beats you to it. he’s holding onto you in a way that feels like he doesn’t want you to leave. so you stay, and listen.
“look! i know you totally don’t want to see me right now. but please, just hear me out. you can leave after i say all of this and you’ll never have to talk to me again! i just want some answers, please!” you give him a small nod, prodding him to continue. “i know you hate me, i’m not sure why you do honestly,” you have a very perplexed expression but listen nonetheless, “but i know you do! you purposely avoid coming out when i’m there, you treat me bluntly and you always give me those looks like you don’t want to be around me and like you hate me and maybe i’m just rambling but i just want to know if i did something to upset you. i mean if it’s just because of your boyfriend that you don’t want to—.”
“my boyfriend?” you cut him off, slightly raising your voice at the strange assumption. you’re shocked to even hear it, you weren’t aware you had a boyfriend.
“yeah, thoma! i mean it’s totally understandable if you don’t want to be friends with me because you have him, but if i’ve done something wrong please tell me.”
you shove his hand off your shoulder, having a more serious tone to your voice now. “ajax. slow down. you’ve never done anything to hurt me, you’ve been nothing but nice to me. i don’t hate you at all. and i don’t have a boyfriend either?”
“but—“
“no but. if this is some silly assumption you made from the event where we first met, forget about it! thoma is my best friend from childhood and nothing more!” you can’t believe he’s been thinking you were his girlfriend this whole time. ajax is letting an exasperated sigh out at the entire thing.
you continue, “and you have no business to talk about me hating you. you never messaged me about the project, i had to chase you for everything! everytime i sat too close to you, you’d shuffle away from me like i’m a damn parasite. if anything, you’re the one who can’t stand me.”
ajax is dumbfounded. he really made you feel like that? “i mean it was only because i thought you were with him! cant stand you? don’t be an idiot. i literally cannot stay away from you. you make me feel things i’ve never even felt before. i just didn’t want to get in the way of your relationship, that’s why i was acting distant! i’ve wanted nothing more to be close to you in those moments, to feel your skin against mine. even now, i think you’re the prettiest girl i’ve ever seen. especially with the snowflakes falling against your hair. and don’t even get me started on the rest—” it was all coming out of him like word vomit. these feelings he’d been keeping away for the past 2 months.
“no! don’t get started!” you were too shy to hear the rest, you think if you did you would probably explode. plus, it was your turn.
“did i say something wrong?” ajax was worried, thinking he’d upset you, or even worse, you didn’t share his feelings.
“no! no! i mean, it’s a complete fever dream, ajax. i’ve been staring at you from the back of that classroom thinking you’re the most handsome boy i’ve ever seen for years now. but we’re in two completely different worlds! i haven’t spoken to you so i could let go of my feelings. i didn’t want to keep chasing a crush that was nothing more than child’s play and a fairytale. i’ve loved every single thing you’ve done, but the way they made me feel was overwhelming. how could i cope with loving someone who i could never be with?”
there’s a silence filling the atmosphere that is speaking volumes. you both have so many questions to say to each other, so many misunderstandings that you’re trying to comprehend. everything is heightened. you can hear his trembling breath from the cold, you can hear the snow under your shuffling feet that has fallen as a result of the weather, you can hear your heartbeat pounding out of your chest at a million beats a second.
you can hear ajax’s steps crushing the snowfall below his feet as he comes closer to you. one step, two steps, and a small thud as your head hits his chest. his fingertips remaining in your hair, the sensation is burning even stronger with your eyes closed. now the only heartbeat you can hear is his. he placed this tiny kiss atop your head that is still lingering long after he did it, burying his head into your hair.
“i love you.” his voice is shaking all of your insides, with his mouth placed right next to your ear. ajax wants to see your face as he says that, but he could hardly even get the words out when he’s not looking at you. you, on the other hand, are tongue-tied. with a million things you want to say but zero words to say them. you just bury your head further into his chest and feel the warmth of him take over your entire being. you can literally, and figuratively feel your souls intertwining with eachothers, you can feel everything he is feeling without having to exchange a single word. and ajax can feel it too. though, there is one question lingering in the back of your mind. is this really okay?
“you’re coming to mine now.”
and so you do. ajax brings you to his house, he sits you next to him on his bed. you’re a ball of nerves. what do you say, what do you do? he places his hand on top of yours, running his thumb in circles over it. his gaze is piercing into your neck, you’re too shy to meet his eyes. you decide to muster up your courage, attempt to say something. he’s basically your boyfriend now, right?
“um… so where’s your family?” that’s right. his house was empty when you entered, you found that weird considering he mentioned he has an absurdly large family.
“out. they’ll be back soon, and they’ll really like you too.” how can he rope you into this? he wants you to meet his family already, well, he is a big family guy after all.
“but you’re… rich, and im not not? wont they hate that?” ajax is slightly annoyed by the rude assumption, but he could never really be mad at you. he turns your head to meet his eyes with his finger.
“we’re nothing like that. don’t worry about such a trivial matter.” his gaze is so intense, he looks like he wants more right now. and you do too. normally he’d just make a move by now, but his feelings are so soft towards you, he doesn’t even want to risk making you uncomfortable. but you, normally you would avoid these kinds of interactions, but you really want more right now. and so you take more, leaning into him and smashing your lips against his.
he’s quick to reciprocate this, continuing the kiss whilst moving his hand away from yours to meet your head. you pull away, making direct eye contact with him. you look so pretty and so vulnerable. it makes him feel selfish, he wants you all to himself. he gently pushes you further onto the bed, putting himself on top of you whilst holding down your wrists. you have this smile on your face that’s making him melt. he’s never wanted someone this bad. you go to say something but he continues kissing you instead, shutting up all of your stupid thoughts. all he wants to do is tell you how in love he is, but he’s keeping his composure to not scare you off so quickly.
he moves one hand down to your waist and moves his kisses to the side of your neck, you wince at this, letting out a small noise. “is everything okay?” he hums out, whilst still kissing you. you nod and let out a little ‘mhm’ which makes gives him the green light to suck on your neck even harder. he even does as much as slightly bite it whilst he does this, weird, but you like it. in a feeble attempt to retain control of the situation, you hold onto his back with one hand and stroke his hair with the other. he lets out a little approving noise, which you find cute. you lean forward and begin sucking on his throat, making him let out a small moan.
“mmm not happening” ajax doesn’t let your attempts get very far, placing his hand on your throat and putting you back into your place on the bed. he keeps his hand there, tightening his grip around it, making you gasp a little. he moves the rest of his body down, his hand reaching underneath your shirt. he looks up to you, pleading for permission with his eyes. you sheepishly nod, averting your eyes in shyness.
“you sure, princess?” your cheeks flush red at the pet name, he’s making you feel weak everywhere.
“just do it…” you mutter under your breath, impatiently. ajax takes this consent without hesitation, lifting your shirt above your head, leaving small kisses along your stomach and waist. he gets you completely shirtless, taking in the sight of your naked torso before moving his gaze to your face. you look so cute, so innocent and so pure underneath him. he wants to defile you and make you all his. you let out an uncontrollable squeal when his hands move from your waist to meet your breasts, rubbing his thumb in circles against them.
“i need to make love to you. please.” he sounds so desperate asking for permission to take you. which he is, he wants to mark his territory all over you and he is so impatient for it.
you, who has dreamt of this day for two years, has no hesitation to do so either. you communicate this to him, looking up at him with your eyes. god he likes that look, he can’t wait to mess you up. he kisses your breasts, flicking your sensitive area with his tongue which makes you let out a louder than you intended moan. you’re helpless underneath him, just taking in all the ways he’s making you feel.
he moves his hand further down this time, unbuttoning your jeans and putting his hand inside your underwear without question. he goes to kiss you whilst he slips his fingers into you. your moans tell him all he needs to know, and he thrusts them in and out of you whilst using his thumb to rub you. he’s kissing you whilst doing all of this, shoving his tongue deep into your throat leaving you to let out muffled sounds. you stay in this motion for a while, only parting lips when you both gasp for air. his hot breath hits you when doing so, electrifying your whole body.
there is so much passion between the two of you. rather than feeling like you are being reduced to sex, you feel like so much more. and ajax knows this too, he’s showing you how strongly he feels about you. his kisses feel like he worships the ground you walk on, as if you invented the earth itself. his cock is bulging out of his pants, so hard you can feel it whenever it meets your body. you make the first move here, bringing your hands down to unzip his fly.
this makes ajax stop in his tracks, allowing you to get up and take the lead. you hold his cock in your hands, bringing it close to your mouth and putting it in. ajax apologetically rams it further into your throat, doing it gently yet wasting no time. he’s pulling your hair as you salivate over it. his breaths are hitched and loud as he’s holding himself back from making louder songs.
“mm, i love you… love you.” he’s singing your praises as you please him all over. but ajax has too many clothes on for your liking, so you go to take his shirt off him but he does it for you as if he can’t wait for you to touch his every inch. he lets out a slight gasp as you move one hand from his cock to feel his abs, still taking it inside your throat. he has a small scar on the side of his stomach, which you find extremely attractive.
ajax brings his hands to your breasts as you suck him, giving you the idea to put his cock between them. he thinks it’s the sexiest thing he’s ever seen with you staring right up at him. this much courage was out of character for you, but he had you so desperate that you couldn’t control it.
ajax can’t wait any longer. he needs to take you, let the whole world know that you are his and fuck you so hard into this bed that he’ll have you begging for more. he picks you up with ease and puts you where he wants you. placing you into missionary and lifting your legs up, in which you respond to by wrapping them around his back tightly. he’s teasing your soaking downstairs with his cock, making you feel a sensation you’ve only seen in movies. even the feeling of his cock rubbing against you is enough to make you let out some extremely unholy noises.
“ajax… hurry up…” your words are distorted behind fast breaths and squeals. he rams it all the way into you, keeping it still and giving you time to adjust to the pain.
“is it okay?” he asks, cupping your face with his hand and kissing you passionately whilst doing so. you slowly nod, biting your tongue at the feeling of him starting to move inside you. you’re so tight around it, feeling him hit all of your walls. he thrusts quickly but gently inside of you, in an attempt to not be so rough with you. you have a few tears forming at the pain, which makes your eyes glisten. ajax finds that adorable. “so pretty.” the compliment combined with the feeling of him running his hands through your hair makes you retract your muscles, tightening your grip around his cock.
that makes him moan without shame and speed up his movements, he can feel how close he is and can feel your legs shaking around him at the same time. he communicates this to you, leaving you to not even think before forming your response. “inside…finish inside ajax…” and the sound of you moaning out his name is enough to make him do just that.
he remains inside you, no longer moving as you can feel him filling you up. he just pulls you into a soft embrace, his breaths hitting your neck as he regains his composure. “i love you, ajax. i love you.” you blurt out all of your feelings, finally giving him a response. that makes his stomach twist with nerves, you finally said it back to him.
after cleaning yourselves up and a while of cuddling in silence in his bed, whilst playing with eachothers hair, both of your ears perk up at the sound of the door. his family must’ve now returned. ajax can’t wait, he gets to introduce the person he’s in love with to the people most special to him. you, on the other hand, are extremely nervous to the matter.
which he picks up on, “it’s okay, they’re gonna love you.”
you’re not too convinced at the matter, “are you sure?”
“i’m your boyfriend so trust me, okay?” ajax blurted that out. both of your eyes widen at the statement and his cheeks go a little pink at it. “i can call myself that, right?” he’s got his hand on his nape whilst asking, clearly nervous.
you roll your eyes at the slightly unromantic way to ask you that. “what a way to ask me out. of course you can, boyfriend.” that eases the atmosphere, making you both giggle before heading downstairs to greet his family.
and they do, in fact, love you. his little brother teucer has been clung to you since, forming an instant attachment to you. and his younger sister tonia has been asking you a lot of questions at the dinner table. you’ve always lived alone at college, but now it feels like you have a family of your own.
“i KNEW it!” was thomas first reaction when you two broke the news to him. he’s over the moon for the both of you of course, his best friend being the one to take care of the girl he’s always had to look after fills him with ease.
and you are filled with ease too, this new life is something you could really get used to.