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In the end, Sirius’s breaking point is a t-shirt.
For the past two years, he’s felt that he’s been slowly going insane from wanting to shag his best friend. Remus is gorgeous, funny, and sexy and somehow he doesn’t know it. That might be the most infuriating thing of all. He has no idea the effect he has on other people at all, so he smiles and laughs and touches Sirius like it’s not supposed to do funny things to his insides.
Remus has no bloody clue what he is doing to Sirius. Sirius refuses to believe that his friend would be that cruel and torment him so.
When a potion explodes over the two of them, they rush to their dormitory and start shoving their clothes off or else they’ll be covered in boils for weeks. Sirius is just starting to take his trousers off when he looks over at Remus. Remus, always uncomfortable with his body because of the scars, hurries and grabs the first thing he can find off the floor. It happens to be Sirius’s Ramones t-shirt, his favorite, well worn and soft.
Remus is standing there in his pants and Sirius’s t-shirt like it’s no big deal. Sirius’s breath catches and he can’t stop staring. He licks his suddenly dry lips and tries to think of something disgusting – like Snape’s – but it has no effect. Remus Lupin is standing there looking good enough to eat and suddenly the space between them is unacceptable.
“Padfoot, what –“ Remus begins. Whatever he was going to say is swallowed up as Sirius captures his lips. Lupin makes a surprised sound in the back of his throat and allows Sirius to back him up onto the nearest bed. Thankfully, it turns out to be Sirius’s – better to not have to explain things to Prongs or Wormtail – and he has Remus pinned beneath him in no time.
Sirius slides his hand down and palms Remus through his pants. Remus moans and squirms beneath him. Sirius smiles and begins pressing kisses along Remus’s jawline. “Oh fuck, Sirius,” Remus says breathlessly, turning his head to the side to allow more access. “L-let me just –“ he goes for the hem of the Ramones t-shirt to pull it off but Sirius’s hand shot out and stopped him.
“Don’t you dare,” he growls, nipping at Moony’s throat.
Remus laughs softly. “I’ll get it all messy.”
“It’s seen worse,” Sirius shrugs with a knowing smile.
Remus laughs again, sinking his fingers into Sirius’s hair, and pulling him back up for more snogging. Sirius goes willingly and thinks he’s never knowing anything as fantastic as the feeling of Moony’s lips pressed against his own, parted for exploring tongues, the exhales from his nose hot on Sirius’s cheek.
Once Sirius manages to get both their pants off, it doesn’t take long. They’re rutting against each other with need and Remus won’t stop making these gorgeous noises as their cocks slide perfectly against one another. Sirius does everything he can to keep Remus eliciting those noises from his perfect mouth.
“Sirius,” Remus groans out as he comes onto himself and Sirius’s t-shirt. Sirius gasps, his name on Remus’s lips is too much, and then he’s coming too. His shirt is most likely ruined but he can’t find it in himself to care. It died for a good cause.
“Moony, that was fantastic,” Sirius whispers, kissing Remus softly.
Remus blushes red but doesn’t say anything more.
__________________________
A few days later, a replacement t-shirt is lying on top of Sirius’s trunk and he knows it is from Remus. He has no idea why Moony insisted on replacing it. After all, it wasn’t his fault it got ruined. Sirius would have gotten himself a new one soon enough or just found a spell to get rid of the spunk on his old one.
Moony, however, was completely absent. In fact, Sirius had barely seen him at all over the last few days. The full moon was still a week away, and though Remus always became a bit withdrawn as it got closer, Sirius knew this wasn’t about the moon. Remus was avoiding him and something about the realization made Sirius’s blood run cold.
_____________________________
He eventually found Remus in the library pouring over three different books at once. His fingers would dance across the words of one book before shifting to the next. He had a bit of parchment out and was scribbling notes. He didn’t even look up when Sirius plopped into the seat opposite him. He puts his feet up on the table and pushes the chair up onto the back two legs, lounging comfortably.
“Alright, Remus?” Sirius asks, eyeing him questioningly.
“I’m fine, Sirius, yourself?” Remus replies mildly, still not looking up.
“Can’t complain,” Sirius says nonchalantly. In fact there are a lot of things Sirius would like to complain about. Remus’s overabundance of clothes is first on the list. “Thanks for the t-shirt, by the way. You didn’t have to.”
A blush runs from Remus’s cheeks all the way down to his neck. It is unequivocally the most adorable thing Sirius has ever seen. “Yes, well,” Remus clears his throat. “I felt bad for what happened to your other one.”
“Well I didn’t,” Sirius says, smiling coyly. “It was brilliant. Why don’t we make our way over to the restricted section and try it again?”
Remus drops his quill on the table and stares at Sirius for a moment. “You’re impossible,” he says, shaking his head.
“No, just improbable,” Sirius jokes, wiggling his eyebrows. “Come on, Moony.”
“Look, Sirius, you don’t have to do this” Remus informs him.
Sirius frowns in confusion. They had just been flirting a moment ago and now Remus seemed all upset. Where had he gone wrong?
“Do what?” Sirius inquires haughtily.
“I know why the other day happened,” Remus responds, averting his gaze. “You’re feeling a bit lonely now that James and Lily are together.”
“What?” Sirius asks, his chair dropping back onto all four legs loudly as he sits up quickly. “That’s what you think?”
“I know you, Sirius,” Remus says with a sigh. “I know that once you get what you want, you lose interest and move onto the next thing. But we’re friends, so it’s awkward, and so you feel the need to do this…” Moony gestures between them across the table. “Making pretend that this is something more. I’m telling you that you don’t have to.”
Sirius stares at him completely gobsmacked. “You don’t think I’m interested in you?”
“Well I’m hardly your first choice, am I?” Remus snaps at him, closing all three of the books in front of him. He gathers them up in his arms quickly and hurries away from the table.
Sirius jumps out of his seat and follows him. “What is that supposed to mean?” he hisses angrily.
Remus rounds on him and stares him down. “Exactly what I said.” Remus’s lips are pressed into a thin line and damn it, Sirius still wants to kiss him. Maybe that would show him exactly how interested Sirius is. “I know I’m lucky to have you guys as friends, I’ve always thought that. We’re a tight-knit group, but you and James are on a whole different level. He’s your priority and he always has been, but now he’s got Lily so you’re latching onto me. I know what’s happening here, Sirius, even if you don’t.”
Sirius can only stare at him because he’s wrong. He’s so completely wrong. Sure, James is his best mate and he would do anything for him. That doesn’t mean Remus isn’t important too. But then Remus has always had a bit of a skewed perception of himself. “I don’t want to shag James,” Sirius informs him, making a face just thinking of it. “He’s like a brother to me.”
Remus sighs and drops his head against one of the bookshelves. “Just forget about all of this, okay?” Remus begs softly. “Let’s just be friends, because I really don’t want to lose you, and I don’t want to fight.” He finishes putting back the books he’d had out and then looks at Sirius. He forces a smile onto his face that Sirius can see right through.
Remus pats him awkwardly on the shoulder as he brushes past him back to the table where he was sitting. Sirius stands there, the words I don’t want to just be friends, caught somewhere behind his lips.
___________________________
Things remain a bit stilted between Sirius and Remus over the next few days. Sirius keeps trying to find ways to tell Remus how important he is to him. He leaves Remus’s favorite chocolate on his nightstand for him like a present, but he finds Peter eating it happily. Sirius nearly pummels him until Peter tells him that Moony gave it to him. Sirius finds himself hurt by this and tries to convince himself that Peter is just lying to save his own skin.
He finally gets some alone time with James, but instead of having a laugh like usual, all Sirius can seem to do is complain about Remus. He hates how whiny and stupid he sounds but he can’t seem to stop.
“Sirius, I’m not taking sides with this,” James informs him, his hands in the pockets of his robe as they walk the grounds together. It’s a bit on the brisk side, winter hanging threateningly in the air, but Sirius needed to get out of the castle. “Maybe you should have thought before you jumped Moony’s bones.”
“I couldn’t help it,” Sirius complains, taking a drag of his cigarette. “Are you telling me that if Evans walked up to you wearing nothing but your t-shirt and some underwear, you would have been able to keep your hands to yourself?”
“No, but we’re together, I don’t have to keep my hands to myself,” James responds smugly.
“Prick,” Sirius says, shoving James away.
“Wanker,” James shoots back, giving Sirius a retaliating push. ”You know how Moony is, always expecting the worst. I’m sure you just caught him off guard and now he’s panicking because that’s what Moony does.”
“Has he said something to you?”
James rolls his eyes in response. “Pads, just go tell Moony that you’re smitten with him. I’m surprised he doesn’t already know, you’re not exactly subtle.”
Sirius scowls at him. “Well maybe I’ll just take a page out of the James Potter romancing guide and bother him for seven years until I wear him down.”
James punches Sirius on the arm. “Tosser.”
“Git.”
_____________________
Sirius gets to the Shrieking Shack first. It’s a bit nippy out so he’s bundled up in his robe with his Gryffindor scarf tied around his neck. He wishes Lupin would hurry up and get there so he can change into his dog form. At least then he’ll have some fur to keep him warm.
He hears footsteps and turns just as Remus enters. Remus looks caught off guard for a moment and then schools his expression. “I didn’t think you were coming,” he murmurs, stepping in and closing the door.
Sirius shrugs. “James is busy with Evans and Peter is cramming. I wasn’t going to make you go through the full moon by yourself.”
Remus smiles softly. “Fuck, it’s cold out, huh? Nearly froze my bollocks off getting here tonight.”
“Same,” Sirius tells him with a chuckle.
Remus groans as the full moon approaches. His breathing has already deepened somewhat. He turns away and starts to undress, folding his clothes neatly in the corner. He goes to take off his jumper but it gets stuck halfway up. Moony struggles for a moment and Sirius can’t help but laugh. He hurries over and begins to help tug it off.
“No, Sirius, I’ve got it –“ Remus says, his voice sounding slightly panicked.
“Don’t be silly, Remus,” Sirius admonishes him. “Nothing I haven’t seen before.”
He pulls down on the undershirt that’s causing all the trouble. Remus had tried to get both off at once but they’d gotten a bit tangled. When they become unstuck, the undershirt drops down, showing Sirius’s black Ramones shirt. It’s not the new one that Remus just bought for him. The material is too well worn.
“Remus?” Sirius calls out softly, his voice questioning.
Remus turns an alarming shade of red. “W-well you were just going to toss it out anyway and I-I-I…” Remus looks away, shuffling his feet nervously.
“You used a charm to clean it?”
Remus nods as if not trusting himself to speak.
“It looks good on you,” Sirius praises, running his hands down Remus’s sides. “Really good.”
“I find your scent calming close to the full moon,” Remus whispers, tugging at the hem of the shirt. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have taken it without asking.”
“I don’t care about that,” Sirius tells him, his throat suddenly thick as he tries to swallow. “What I care about is you disregarding a man’s presents.”
“Presents?” Remus asks in confusions. “What presents?”
“The chocolate! I got you chocolate, your favorite kind, and you gave it to Wormtail! You know how to hurt a guy’s feelings, Moony.”
“Those were from you?” Remus asks, placing his hands on Sirius’s shoulders. “I didn’t know that. I thought Peter had just misplaced them and he didn’t correct me.”
“Of course he didn’t,” Sirius scoffs. He's going to kill that sodding rat the next time he sees him. “That was high quality chocolate you were handing away.”
Lupin laughs and buries his face in Sirius’s neck. “Oh god, you’re ridiculous,” he says fondly. “What were you trying to accomplish?”
“I was wooing you, obviously,” Sirius grumbles, sliding his arms around Moony and embracing him.
“Wooing me?” Remus asks, sounding surprised. “Wait, what? Are you being serious?”
“I’m always Sirius,” he jokes, hugging Remus tighter.
Remus snorts. “Absolutely bonkers, you are.”
“You should know better than to ask me that by now,” he points out, turning his head and kissing Remus’s temple.
Remus hums in agreement. “It’s going to start soon,” Remus murmurs, pressing kisses to Sirius’s neck. “You should get away from me for the change.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” Sirius states firmly.
“Padfoot –“
“Not. Going. Anywhere.”
This time Moony doesn’t argue. It feels a bit like progress.
___________________________
The next morning Sirius wakes up to find himself being spooned by one Remus Lupin. Remus is pressed tightly against him with his breath on the nape of Sirius’s neck. It makes Sirius shiver and gooseflesh breaks out down his arms. Or perhaps that’s because it is bloody cold in the Shrieking Shack.
The night before had been different from any other of the full moons Sirius and Remus have spent together. Moony hadn’t been vicious at all and in fact had seemed a lot more on the playful side. The wolf was always better with company, but sometimes he was aggressive. However, last night they had run around, rolling through the forest and having a surprisingly good time. He remembered the wolf lying down at one point and letting Padfoot chew affectionately on his ear. It had been strangely nice.
The wolf had also been weirdly possessive of Padfoot. Whenever Sirius’s attention was caught either by a squirrel or something equally banal, the wolf had attacked it. It was like he didn’t want Padfoot to be around anything else. It was almost sweet and Sirius can't help wondering if that's how Remus really feels about him.
He feels Remus stir behind him and it makes Remus’s cock slide against him, all hot and thick. Sirius finds himself salivating at the thought of it.
“Oh, sorry, um, I’ll –“ Lupin begins to pull away but Sirius grabs his arm and keeps him resolutely where he is.
“Don’t even think about it,” Sirius growls.
“But it’s cold,” Remus complains.
“Then warm yourself up,” Sirius says suggestively, wiggling his arse against Remus’s cock.
“Oh,” Remus breathes out. “Yes, I think I will.”
“Won’t hear me complaining,” Sirius murmurs, turning his face and kissing Remus softly.
Remus begins thrusting against Sirius and it is the hottest thing Sirius has seen since Remus put on his t-shirt. Remus is quickly raising the bar for hotness in Sirius’s life.
Remus reaches around and wraps his hand around Sirius’s cock and that is lovely. It also leaves Sirius in a pickle as he can’t decide whether to push forward into Remus’s hand of back against his cock. He’s enveloped and surrounded by Remus and it is fantastic.
“Fuck,” Remus curses, thrusting his hips faster. “Fucking hell, Sirius.”
“Moony,” Sirius moans out, feeling heat pool in his groin. “So good.”
Remus is panting in his ear as he rubs against Sirius. He shifts slightly and his cock nestles in between Sirius’s cheeks and that’s even better. Sirius lets out a noise that doesn’t even sound human and fucks up into Remus’s fist with need.
“Oh! Oh!” Remus cries out behind him before he comes onto Sirius’s back. His hand stills on Sirius’s cock for a moment as he comes down from his orgasm. Sirius whimpers in need and reaches back for Remus. After a few moments, Remus resumes wanking Sirius, firm twisting strokes that are just what he needs.
“Fuck, Moony, fuck!” Sirius groans as he releases onto Remus’s hand. It’s glorious and wonderful because it’s Remus getting him off. It’s Remus’s hand on his dick, stroking him through the aftershocks. Sirius lets out a contented sigh as the last bit of come dribbles out.
They lie there in a sticky mess until their sweat starts to cool, making it almost unbearably cold. They quickly get changed back into their clothes and Sirius can’t help the huge grin that adorns his face when he sees Remus pull Sirius’s t-shirt over his head.
“What?” Remus asks, shuffling self-consciously.
“Nothing.” Sirius shakes his head. “Just enjoying the view.”
Remus blushes. “I don’t know if I should be encouraging you to enjoy me putting clothes on instead of off.”
“I like both equally,” Sirius informs him, walking over and sliding his arms around Remus’s thin frame.
“You do?” Remus raises and eyebrow. “Bollocks.”
“Fine, I like you putting on my clothes,” Sirius corrects, kissing Remus softly. “I find it immensely satisfying.”
“Why?”
Sirius shrugs. “I think it’s sexy. God, you have no idea what you do to me, Moony.”
Remus stares at him as if he’s just said something strange. Sirius waits to hear what Remus has to say about it, but Remus shakes his head instead. “Cold,” he murmurs, gently pushing Sirius’s hands away so that he can finish getting dressed.
They slosh their way through the snow back to the castle. Their arms brush together as they walk. It’s a quiet morning, the world covered in white, and Sirius feels a little like they have a clean slate. “Don’t disappear on me again, okay?” he whispers, reaching out and taking Remus’s hand in his. “Despite what you may think, you’re not a replacement for James. You’ve never been anything but resolutely yourself in my mind. In fact you take up quite a bit of space there with your mismatched socks and your ridiculous jumpers. I should earn a medal for keeping my hands off you the past two years, or at least a thousand points for Gryffindor.”
Remus stops and drops Sirius’s hand. “The past two years?” he echoes, staring at Sirius incredulously.
“What? What did I say now?” Sirius asks in exasperation.
“Y-you’ve fancied me for the past two years and you’re just doing something about it now?” Remus inquires, shaking his head.
“Well yeah,” Sirius says, scratching the back of his neck. “I was trying to be good but then you had to go and put my shirt on. Made me all weak in the knees, I was almost swooning like some Victorian maiden, because really Moony, you are ridiculously hot.”
“You idiot,” Remus breathes out, grabbing Sirius by his scarf and dragging him forward into a bruising kiss. By the time they pull away, Sirius is breathless and can’t even feel the cold anymore. “You bloody great idiot. Why did you have to wait until James was with Lily and make me think that – that –“
Sirius silences him with another kiss. “Wasn’t sure you were interested,” he murmurs against Moony’s lips.
“Like I said – idiot,” Remus says fondly.
Sirius grins up at him. “Come on, let’s get inside where I can ravish you properly.”
Remus laughs and takes Sirius’s hand again. “By the way, my jumpers are not ridiculous.”
‘Whatever you say, love,” Sirius responds, giving Moony’s hand a squeeze.
______________________
Sirius finds Remus in the astronomy tower, sitting on the edge with his feet dangling over the side. His nose and ears are pink from the cold and it makes him look impossibly attractive. Sirius sits down beside him and wordlessly Remus hands him a cigarette. Sirius takes a long drag from it and lets it out slowly.
“What did I say about disappearing?” he says gently, nudging his shoulder against Remus’s.
“I didn’t know that meant I had to be in your sights at all times,” Remus jokes, nudging him back. “How did you find me, anyway?”
“The map,” Sirius informs him, patting the Marauder’s map in his pocket.
“Ah,” Remus says, taking the cigarette back.
“What are you doing up here anyway?”
“Thinking.”
“About?
“You.”
“My favorite subject,” Sirius says, beaming at Remus. Remus laughs and puts the cigarette in Sirius’s mouth to quiet him.
“I was thinking about what we’re going to do when we get out of here,” Remus tells him honestly. “It’s not going to be easy, well it will be for you. You’ve got money and your family name.”
“You’ve got that big brain of yours,” Sirius reminds him. “Besides, everyone knows I’ve been disinherited. It’s not like the Black family name will get me much of anywhere.”
“You’re still above a werewolf,” Remus says with a painful sigh.
“We’ll figure it out,” Sirius promises him. “There’s got to be somewhere in this world for two disgraces like us.” He reaches down and takes Moony’s hand in his. Already he’s getting addicted to touching Remus. “Probably best we stick together.”
“I’m glad to hear you’re including me in your plans for the future,” Remus tells him, stubbing the cigarette out on the stone of the castle. He then reaches over and places his hand on Sirius’s face.
“I never envisioned one without you,” Sirius tells him simply. He wonders if Moony hears it for the “I love you” it really is.
Remus grins at him and kisses him deeply. “Such a romantic,” he murmurs, sucking on Sirius’s lower lip.
“Was there ever any question of that?” Sirius asks, feigning indignation. “After all, I got you chocolates.”
“It won’t be official until you get me flowers,” Remus jokes, kissing the tip of Sirius’s nose.
“And then you’ll fall madly in love with me?” Sirius inquires, batting his eyelashes jokingly.
“Too late,” Remus whispers, kissing Sirius once again. By the time they pull back, Sirius is painfully hard and needs to get Remus naked as quickly as possible. While they could just get off in the astronomy tower, he’d rather not have to move after he’s finished having sex with Remus.
“Come back to bed, darling,” Sirius whispers.
“Yes dear,” Remus responds with a laugh. It takes them half an hour to get back to the Gryffindor common room because they can’t stop finding dark places to snog each other senseless. By the time they stumble into the dormitory, Sirius is aching for it.
They fumble at each others clothes as they tumble into Sirius’s bed. Remus manages to get his wand out and cast a charm over the bed so no one else can hear them. Sirius was too distracted by Remus’s lips to notice if anyone else was there.
“Come on, Padfoot, come on!” Remus growls impatiently, tearing at Sirius’s clothes.
It’s all a blur of lips and tongues and fingers after that. Sirius feels like he won’t ever catch his breath again because Remus keeps stealing it from his lungs with kisses so good they make his toes curl.
It isn’t until he sinks inside Remus’s body that time suddenly stops. He can’t stop staring at where their bodies are connected because it’s so bloody surreal. He thinks that if he ever had to cast a patronus charm, he would think of this moment right here. He can’t remember being happier or more complete. It’s soppy and stupid but then Remus has already accused him of being a romantic. He’s been called worse and he’ll take it if it means getting Remus like this.
“Sirius,” Remus whines, writhing beneath him. “Please move, please!”
Sirius nods and starts to cant his hips. He has to hide his face in Remus’s neck because looking at him is just too damn painful. He’s too gorgeous and Sirius wants this to last.
“Oh fuck,” Remus cries out, wrapping his legs around Sirius and tangling his fingers in his hair. “M-more, God Sirius, give me more.”
Sirius groans at the request and starts fucking Remus harder and faster. It feels so good as he wraps his hand around Remus’s cock and begins to stroke it. Remus starts to make those noises again, the ones that go from Sirius’s ears straight down to his cock.
He sucks a mark onto Remus’s neck and hears Remus’s cries of ecstasy get louder. He tugs on Sirius’s hair and mashes their lips together in an attempt to silence himself. He can feel it when Remus comes, his body clenching around Sirius’s cock and it’s so good. Sirius groans as his orgasm rips through him, calling out Remus’s name as he comes inside him.
When it’s over, he drops onto Remus heavily, eliciting an “oof,” from him. Remus chuckles and rubs his hand up and down Sirius’s back. “That was so good,” he murmurs, turning his head and kissing Sirius’s temple.
“Good? That’s all I get?”
“Okay, fine, it was bloody spectacular, are you happy?”
“Yes, actually,” Sirius says, lifting his head up and grinning at Remus.
“You’re such a handful,” Remus says, rolling his eyes.
“You can have your hands full of me anytime,” Sirius responds cheekily.
Remus snorts and shakes his head. “You’re so embarrassing.”
“Fuck you, I’m adorable,” Sirius responds, snuggling in close and resting his head on Remus’s chest.
“Can’t argue with that,” Remus says, pressing a kiss to the top of Sirius’s head.
Sirius smiles at the small affection and takes a moment to appreciate everything. The curtains are drawn, hiding them in their own private world. Remus looks obscene, his lips red and swollen from kisses and a mark blooming on his neck. Sirius can't help admiring his handiwork. He can’t imagine anything better than this, but then if he knows anything about Remus Lupin, it’s that he always finds ways to outdo himself.