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January 2024, Woking
Sunghoon knows that he should never get too attached. It’s the price he has to pay for being McLaren’s golden boy. Not that he doesn’t appreciate what the team has done for him. This is his home he’s talking about. Sunghoon is McLaren.
He’s an idol of the team, glittering gold, standing high. Solitary. Alone. Worshipped from afar. A deity sworn to immortality.
Or something like that.
It’s been five years and he’s already outlasted two teammates. He’s consoled by the idea that at least now, he holds the title of driver number one. The priority. The greater talent.
But it’s like those times when you’re just about to fall asleep and then you dream that you’re hurtling out of the sky. It’s jarring, terrifying for a second. You’re ripped right out just when you feel comfortable. And you’re awake, trying to figure out what the fuck just happened.
Sunghoon now stands, fully lucid at the McLaren HQ, shaking hands with his new teammate. His third teammate.
Sunghoon just turned twenty-one and he’s already got the same teammate count as other drivers on the grid who have a full decade on his age.
“Nice to see you again,” Sunghoon greets, reaching over to deliver a firm half-hug-turned-back-pat to Jungwon.
“Same here,” Jungwon chuckles, briefly squeezing Sunghoon’s side as he leans into the older.
“Have you gotten taller?” Sunghoon asks half teasingly. Jungwon looks down at his race suit-clad body as if he isn’t sure of his own anatomy.
“No?” Jungwon supplies. “I stopped growing a while back.”
Sunghoon straightens up and eyes the top of Jungwon’s head. “You definitely have.”
“Uh, must be the boots,” Jungwon says with a brief laugh.
“Sunghoon, Jungwon, look at the camera, please!”
Right. They’re supposed to be shooting their first photos with the new car and livery. Then straight to simulator work after. Then training. Rinse and repeat.
“You’re on the sim right after this, yeah?” Jungwon asks, angling his body the way the photographer told him to. Sunghoon mirrors him, standing back-to-back with the younger.
“Yep,” Sunghoon confirms. “You have a longer day ahead of you.”
“I sure do,” Jungwon agrees. “I’m a little nervous, not gonna lie.”
Sunghoon grins, nudging Jungwon lightly on the elbow.
“You’ll do great. Come on, you’re Jungwon Yang, after all.”
—
Sunghoon is aware that Jungwon is some sort of generational talent. The kid won both his F3 and F2 championships in his rookie year for each. He then did a stint for Le Mans for a year while being Mercedes’ reserve driver. A little side quest while he waits for his inevitable contract into Formula 1. No big deal.
It was a shock when it was announced that Jungwon would be moving to McLaren, with critics and news outlets calling it the worst mistake of the rookie’s life.
‘A waste of his talent, no doubt.’
‘What does McLaren have to offer that Mercedes can’t? Does Yang think he can win a world championship with that team?’
It was a whole shitshow. Sunghoon couldn’t look away, especially since, whether he liked it or not, he was also at the center of it all.
‘Sunghoon, how do you feel about Soobin leaving? Are you excited about your new teammate?’
Vicky, Sunghoon’s press officer drilled hours’ worth of curated PR-approved responses into him. Stay neutral but enthusiastic. Wish Soobin well but welcome Jungwon wholeheartedly. Smile. Breathe. And then breathe some more.
“You’re used to this by now, aren’t you?” Vicky asked once, most likely meaning it as a joke. But Sunghoon gritted his teeth despite his forced smile.
Of course, he’s used to it. It’s only a matter of time before someone abandons Sunghoon.
Sunghoon wanted to hate Jungwon at the start. Wanted to plant this image of the young driver as someone who’ll rival him in raw talent. Sunghoon wanted to make it known that he was the boss, he had the experience, the knowledge of what racing in Formula 1 really entails.
But Sunghoon formally met Jungwon one chilly day in January this year and he was so polite, so excited to learn, so light.
Jungwon was mostly silent for the first few days, only speaking when spoken to and clipping his sentences short.
Sunghoon could see that Jungwon’s initial silence meant something more than simply wanting to keep his head down because he’s new. Jungwon’s eyes were focused, attentive, as if the cogs in his brain were constantly turning. Sunghoon had seen that look before, sensed the hunger that he was sure Jungwon possessed.
That was how Sunghoon was five years ago.
Sunghoon saw himself in Jungwon. And despite Sunghoon’s hidden penchant for self-deprecation, ultimately he couldn’t bring himself to hate Jungwon the same way he hates himself. He barely knew the guy.
So he held on to that. He barely knew him and he will hardly know him when all of this is done.
That way, it’ll hurt less.
—
April 2024, Suzuka
“Oh, I love Disney,” Jungwon exclaims when he takes a closer look at the bracelet a fan gave him as he and Sunghoon were walking into the paddock.
Sunghoon glances at the trinket in Jungwon’s hands and sees the little Mickey and Minnie Mouse beads mixed in with the other plain-colored ones.
“Cute,” Sunghoon comments.
“You got one, too,” Jungwon points out, lightly poking Sunghoon’s wrist. Sunghoon looks down at the bracelet he absentmindedly slipped on earlier. A slight scowl pulls at his face.
“It’s pink,” Sunghoon deadpans. He never really liked pink. Always thought it washed his complexion out.
“And mine’s blue,” Jungwon laughs lightly, holding up his right arm to Sunghoon’s left.
The bracelets align and despite his annoyance, Sunghoon affords himself a soft, “Oh, that’s nice.”
“Blue’s my favorite color,” Jungwon adds, smiling up at Sunghoon. To the older, something about the way Jungwon looks at him now seems almost…childlike. Innocent. Sweet. Dimples and all.
“Ah,” is all Sunghoon can say.
“I’ll, uh, remember that for your next birthday.”
Jungwon grins even wider and skips ahead, falling into step with his personal trainer instead. Sunghoon watches the back of Jungwon’s head as he walks.
Later that day, Jungwon scores his first points and Sunghoon lands a P4 with the fastest lap. Sunghoon makes a move to clap Jungwon on the back as they both walk up to the McLaren garage, hair freshly messed up by their balaclavas and helmets. Sunghoon must have miscalculated his own body language or maybe Jungwon read it slightly differently because Jungwon wraps Sunghoon up in a big hug and all Sunghoon can do is laugh in mild surprise.
“Good job, Jungwon,” Sunghoon says as they pull away.
“You, too,” Jungwon responds. His eyes seem to sparkle from where Sunghoon’s looking. “You especially.”
Sunghoon nods, letting himself feel just how much his chest swells with pride and accomplishment.
—
June 2024, Montreal
“I used to live here.”
Sunghoon’s eyes go comically wide as he eyes Jungwon from across the table.
“You’re Canadian?” Sunghoon gasps.
“No, I’m not. Not anymore, at least. I moved away again when I was ten,” Jungwon clarifies.
Sunghoon gestures wildly with his hand. “Elaborate?!”
Jungwon bursts out laughing, tugging the jacket he has on tighter around his shoulders. Sunghoon understands. It’s cold as shit in Canada no matter the season. Spring season, his ass.
“I moved here for my karting career as a kid,” Jungwon explains. “Then my parents decided that Europe was a better opportunity for racing because, of course, it is.”
Sunghoon snickers at that.
“So, that’s how I ended up living in Geneva, instead,” Jungwon finishes.
Sunghoon hums, taking a sip from his coffee. He looks out at the paddock, activity all around despite the cold bite of Canadian air.
“Do you get homesick?” Sunghoon asks.
Jungwon opens his mouth and then closes it again. His shoulders sag and Sunghoon can see him searching hard for an answer.
“I…yes? More like, I miss what life was like before. Not really a place,” Jungwon articulates carefully.
“I don’t really know what home is, anymore.”
Sunghoon is silent after that. He nods understandingly because he does understand. Even speaking with Jungwon in Korean now, their cadence and vocabulary are slightly different from years of adapting and assimilating into other places. It shows that home might not be a ‘where’ for either of them.
So different and yet the same.
“Woking can be our home,” Sunghoon suggests with a teasing lilt in his voice. “Papaya forever and all that.”
Jungwon smiles.
“I hope so. I wanna stay for a long time.”
Sunghoon freezes and he feels his heart sink. He hasn’t thought about it lately. About Jungwon staying. Or not staying. He’s had autopilot engaged for the last few months as he works through races and PR videos and sponsorship shoots.
He likes Jungwon’s company, happy that they’ve fallen into a rhythm, both on and off track. But Sunghoon holds the other at arm’s length as much as he can, uses the word ‘co-worker’ in his head more often than he’d like to admit.
I want you to stay, too. Stay as long as you want.
Stay with me.
“I hope so, too, mate,” Sunghoon manages to choke out.
—
September 2024, Monza
“First podium of the year, baby!”
Sunghoon beams as the crowd goes wild in the stands. He sweeps his gaze across the fans that he can see from where he’s standing on the post-race stage. A louder uproar nearly deafens him as he waves to them.
“That winning move on the last lap really did it for you and Heeseung, with him keeping you in DRS range to defend against the car behind,” the reporter says. “The teamwork is still there, isn’t it?”
Sunghoon lets out a breathy laugh, clearly still elated.
“It was all his idea and I just followed along,” Sunghoon praises with a shrug. “He was always the better strategist between the two of us.”
The fans go wild.
Sunghoon finishes up everything else, including podium celebrations, as if he’s walking among the clouds. He lets Heeseung hug him for what seems like the tenth time that day after they drain the contents of their champagne bottles on each other.
Sunghoon rushes back to the McLaren garage for team pictures and everyone crowds around him, clapping him on the back and ruffling his liquor-soaked hair.
“P2! What a drive!” Their team principal cheers and the rest of the team erupts in applause and hoots. Sunghoon grins bashfully as everyone starts chanting his name.
He catches a movement to his side and is met with Jungwon’s smiling face. He’s back in his team kit, cap pulled over his head. Sunghoon maneuvers his way through the throng of McLaren papaya, tugging Jungwon close and engulfing him in a hug not too different from the one they shared in Japan.
But this time Sunghoon squeezes hard, holds Jungwon tighter than he ever has in the past few months they’ve been teammates.
“So proud of you!” Jungwon yells over the music still blaring all around the race track.
“I’m proud of you,” Sunghoon replies. “P5! You’re a step away from a podium yourself.”
Jungwon laughs as if he doesn’t believe it.
“Great teamwork, you and Heeseung,” he says.
Sunghoon stills and there’s something in the way Jungwon is looking at him that makes all prior thoughts disappear from his head. He stutters, stumbles over his words, and Jungwon raises his eyebrows at Sunghoon.
“Sorry?” Jungwon asks, leaning closer. He smells of baby powder and mild sweat.
“I said thanks,” Sunghoon lets out hurriedly. “We always know what the other is thinking. It’s been that way since we were teammates way before.”
Jungwon nods, smiling again briefly.
“It shows,” Jungwon agrees.
—
October 2024, Circuit of the Americas
“For the first time in his rookie season, Jungwon Yang takes a victory in Formula 1!”
Sunghoon sees through the large screens as he passes the chequered flag himself that Jungwon had won the sprint race. His knee-jerk reaction is an annoyed huff as a painful pinch appears in his chest.
“P3, Sunghoon,” his race engineer’s voice crackles through the radio. “Well done, well done.”
“Thanks, guys. Well done to Jungwon. His first win, ha ha,” Sunghoon radios back as he tries to sound upbeat. He pulls up next to Jungwon’s car, driving along his pace as they complete their lap to parc ferme.
Jungwon waves over his halo, pumping a fist in the air at Sunghoon. The older surprises himself as he finds himself laughing, reaching a hand out to wave back.
The tightness in his chest eases up and is replaced with a strange sensation he can’t quite describe. It finally sinks in for Sunghoon that Jungwon won. His moment has finally come, despite what everyone says about sprint races and how they don’t really matter.
Pride. So much pride.
Later on, Sunghoon tackles Jungwon from the back just as the rookie hops out of his car, both their helmets still on and consequentially banging against the other. Sunghoon can hear Jungwon laughing inside his helmet as they both try to steady themselves.
“So good, man! I’m so proud of you!” Sunghoon yells through his open visor, shaking Jungwon by the shoulders.
“How about that? I won before you did,” Jungwon jokes, punching Sunghoon lightly in the arm.
Yeah, that stings a bit. But Sunghoon practically guffaws, smacking Jungwon over the head on his helmet.
“Don’t let it get to your head, rookie.”
—
November 2024, Interlagos
“I need to pass him, I’m obviously quicker!”
Sunghoon’s voice is curt, on the verge of annoyance as he delivers his message on the team radio. He hears a crackle on the other end before his race engineer responds.
“Copy, Sunghoon. I’ll let you know.”
“Mate, my tyres are gonna die if I stay behind him wanking about,” Sunghoon protests.
A beat. Sunghoon glances in his mirrors and sees the Red Bull quickly gaining. He curses, radio still engaged.
“Jungwon’s been given the instruction to let you pass,” comes the reply. “Make the switch after turn 14.”
“Copy.”
Jungwon zips by the DRS detection zone, Sunghoon right on his tail. Both their rear wings fly open, giving them both an extra boost. Sunghoon goes full speed as they approach turn 14, Jungwon drifting off to the right, opening it wide for the older.
Sunghoon gets through and passes by turn 15 in no time, taking up second place once more.
“Thank you!” Sunghoon says over the radio, a little out of breath.
This is it. The last lap. Just a little more and Sunghoon is more than happy to take P2 again.
The seconds tick by and Sunghoon can practically taste his fourth podium finish of the season. He tightens his grip on his wheel. He reminds himself that it’s not over ‘til it’s over.
Sector 1, done. Sector 2, done. Sector 3–
“Keep Jungwon in DRS range, please. The Red Bull behind him is gaining.”
Sunghoon glances at his mirror again. Jungwon is nearly up his gearbox.
“Okay,” is all Sunghoon says.
He slows it down just a bit as they pass turn 11 into 12. Just a few meters more and he and Jungwon can take their double podium home.
Turn 13. DRS zone.
Sunghoon breezes ahead and for a moment, he thinks he’s fucked it up. Jungwon’s car grows smaller in his rearview. Fuck, did he put it on the throttle too early? He should have waited a bit more, he was a little too paranoid, too–
Jungwon gains on Sunghoon again. The latter can’t stop the excited “Yes!” that slips past his mouth. Before he can even cross the finish line, Sunghoon is already celebrating, whooping and hollering inside his car.
The confirmation comes a few seconds after he crosses the flag.
Sunghoon can hear yelling and cheers in the background as his race engineer comes on saying, “Double podium! P2 and P3!”
It’s all a blur after. Sunghoon thinks he could get used to this, being on the podium, the champagne, the chants of his name.
Jungwon beaming up at him from one podium step down.
Actually, Sunghoon doesn’t mind where Jungwon places. As long as he’s there with him.
Together, Sunghoon realizes. He wants them together on the podium. Again and again and forever if they can.
“I can’t believe you used Heeseung’s trick against him,” Jungwon muses as they’re walking back after the celebrations.
Sunghoon just shrugs. “Team orders.”
“I did it for you,” Sunghoon adds in a rush. He feels his ears heat up just as he finishes his sentence.
Jungwon laughs, rubbing the back of his neck. Sunghoon thinks he can see red on Jungwon’s cheeks.
—
December 2024, Losail
“What a shit practice session.”
Sunghoon looks up from his phone, startled at the sudden intrusion. Jungwon walks into the older’s driver room, helmet clutched in his hand.
“What are you doing here? Do you even know how to knock?” Sunghoon says with a roll of his eye but he’s already scooting over to make room for Jungwon on the leather couch.
Jungwon plops down beside him, leaning back on the upholstery with a groan.
“You were moping in my room last week in Vegas about the drivers’ introduction and parade,” Jungwon reminds.
“At least I knocked,” Sunghoon grumbles.
“Yes, but you don’t wait for an answer before entering, anyway,” Jungwon counters with a dismissive wave of his hand.
“First driver privilege,” Sunghoon deadpans, turning back to his phone.
Jungwon reaches over and flicks Sunghoon’s ear.
“Ow!”
“Rookie privilege,” Jungwon responds simply. Sunghoon raises his hand to deliver a similar injury to Jungwon but the younger swats his hand away almost instantly. Fucking F1 driver reflexes.
“Rookie privilege does not exist and even if it did, it does not include hurting your teammate who let you finish ahead of him in a grand prix,” Sunghoon rants, reminding Jungwon of his P4 finish last week ahead of Sunghoon’s P6. Jungwon continues his assault on Sunghoon and manages to tug particularly hard on his earlobe.
“Yes, it does,” Jungwon says through his laughter. Sunghoon makes a move as if to bite Jungwon’s finger.
“I’m maximizing it before I graduate from the title next year.”
Sunghoon’s eyes shift up, meeting Jungwon’s gaze. He pulls back, expression falling as he registers Jungwon’s words.
“What?” Jungwon asks. Sunghoon feels him shift, their knees knocking together in the process. Sunghoont tries to move away but realizes the couch is too small. He allows Jungwon to press up against him.
“Nothing,” Sunghoon replies.
Jungwon chews on his bottom lip. “You sure?”
“Yes.”
“...Did I say something wrong?”
“No.”
“But something’s bothering you.”
Sunghoon looks at Jungwon again and sighs. Jungwon is a deer in headlights, expression full of worry. Sunghoon has half a mind to reach over and smooth out the creases between his eyebrows.
“Your rookie year’s almost over,” Sunghoon says simply. “Just one more race next week and that’s that.”
Jungwon nods slowly. “Uh huh. I’m aware.”
“It went by really fast,” Sunghoon informs in the same tone.
“It did, yes,” Jungwon confirms. “Sorry, what exactly are you getting at?”
Sunghoon doesn’t know either. He doesn’t know why he feels so somber all of a sudden. Nervous, even. Jungwon’s first season in Formula 1 is almost over. Who’s to say the next won’t be his last?
But that’s ridiculous, Sunghoon reminds himself. Jungwon just renewed his contract with McLaren a few months back, so Sunghoon doesn’t know where all this is coming from. It’s not like Jungwon’s gonna up and leave, like Heeseung did and how Soobin gave him no warning and–
“Hello? You okay?”
Jungwon is staring at Sunghoon with worry in his eyes and Sunghoon wants to cry.
“Don’t leave,” Sunghoon breathes out. “Yet,” he hurriedly adds.
“Don’t leave yet.”
Jungwon’s eyes widen as he hears these words. “What?”
Sunghoon doesn’t say anything, realizing how stupid he just sounded. Like someone desperately begging their spouse not to go after they find out they’re filing for divorce. Or a child wailing for its parents not to leave for work.
Or like Formula 1 driver Sunghoon Park of McLaren, praying that his teammate stays for longer.
“Is this about your past teammates? I know everyone makes such a big deal out of it,” Jungwon wonders, eyes unmoving as they study Sunghoon’s face.
“I never asked about them because I wasn’t sure how much you’re willing to tell me,” the younger admits.
“I’m fine,” Sunghoon says even though Jungwon wasn’t asking. “I don’t like talking about it, either.”
Jungwon nods, falling silent.
They sit there for a few minutes, understanding passing over them. Sunghoon simultaneously has so much and so little to say. He risks a peek at Jungwon and is startled to see the latter already staring at him.
Sunghoon feels like he should finally say something.
“Soobin is in Ferrari. All happy and content with his new teammate. And Heeseung…Heeseung is off winning championships in Red Bull.”
Sunghoon swallows before continuing. “I know it’s ridiculous, but when it happens two consecutive times, it makes me wonder if they just used the team, used me as a stepping stone for what they really wanted.”
“Isn’t that how Formula 1 works?” Jungwon asks in response.
“I know! That's why it’s stupid.” Sunghoon laughs bitterly.
Jungwon shakes his head, laying a hand on Sunghoon’s knee. “It’s not stupid. I understand.”
“No, you don’t,” Sunghoon insists.
Jungwon grimaces. “Ouch.”
Sunghoon looks at Jungwon, expression apologetic. He sighs, running a hand over his face.
“I’m sorry. Just…”
“If you decide to leave can you, maybe, let me know, like,” Sunghoon makes a face and gestures around vaguely with his hands. “Six months before?”
Jungwon lets out a chuckle. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Yeah, but, when you do leave–“
“When? Why does it have to be ‘when’?” Jungwon’s eyebrows knit together, a look of utter confusion on his face.
“I’m not leaving. I’m signed on until 2026, same as you. You know that, right?”
Sunghoon sighs in frustration. Jungwon’s just not getting it. This is all Sunghoon knows. It’s his destiny. To be left alone in the dust. It’s how things have always been.
“After that, I mean,” Sunghoon clarifies.
Jungwon shakes his head. “I’ll renew. If things are still this good. And if you don’t, then at least the choice is finally yours. To stay or not.”
Sunghoon is struck silent. He blinks at Jungwon, not fully able to comprehend what it is he’s saying.
“At least we go together. No leaving behinds and staying in the same place while the other leaves,” Jungwon says, moving his hand to Sunghoon’s shoulder.
Sunghoon feels a lump rise in his throat and once again he feels as if he might sob, but he bites it back. He feels Jungwon give a squeeze to his arm.
After a few moments of wrangling with his emotions and forcing his tears back down, Sunghoon speaks up.
“We make a great team, yeah?” Sunghoon manages, voice a tad scratchy. Jungwon beams and holds his fist out. Sunghoon extends his arm and knocks his own hand against Jungwon’s.
“We do,” Jungwon confirms.
“We go together,” Sunghoon says. Jungwon nods.
“We go together.”
Sunghoon meets Jungwon’s eyes now that he doesn’t feel the threat of tears trying to escape. Jungwon looks back at him, expression softening. Sunghoon feels gentle fingertips touch his cheek ever-so-slightly.
Sunghoon is entranced, leaning in as if pulled by some invisible force. Jungwon’s lashes are long. He smells like baby powder again.
Jungwon likes Disney and the color blue. He lets Sunghoon soak him with champagne on the podium, no complaints. Jungwon can sing really well, as Sunghoon found out when he was belting out One Direction in his driver's room in Monaco. He looks like his mom more than his dad and that’s something Sunghoon only found out when he met Jungwon’s parents in the Singapore paddock. His favorite movie is Aladdin, that’s why they watched it together while on the flight to Vegas. Jungwon has a dog, who Sunghoon met in Mexico when Jungwon’s sister flew in to watch the race. Jungwon likes curry, that’s why they shared a bowl just before practice today.
And Jungwon’s lips are soft, Sunghoon eventually finds out a moment later. And it slots perfectly against his.
So much for hardly knowing him.
Sunghoon blinks in a daze as Jungwon pulls back, feline-like smirk and all.
“See you in qualifying,” Jungwon whispers, pecking one corner of Sunghoon’s mouth. The younger pushes himself off the couch, collecting his helmet that was left on the floor.
“Front row lockout, yeah?” Jungwon says over his shoulder as he stands in the doorway.
Sunghoon grins impossibly wide, neck warm as he blushes.
“You’ve got yourself a deal, rookie.”
—
December 2024, Yas Marina
“Jungwon wants to say good luck. Second McLaren 1-2 of the season. Let's go.”
Sunghoon laughs (read: giggles) in his helmet as he hears his race engineer’s voice. He can’t see the near identical papaya car from where he currently sits (P1 things, baby) but he knows his teammate must be smiling just as hard.
“Tell him likewise,” Sunghoon responds.
The marshal waves the green flag behind them and the five red lights finally come on.