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Desperate Times Call For…

Summary:

Crowley and Aziraphale engage in a little puppy play, involving far too much dedication to the rebinding of a book, a lack of sufficient pads, and one very full bladder. What could go wrong?

Notes:

Howdy, y’all! Welcome to my first attempt at writing fanfic. I feel like I ended up accidentally jumping straight into the deep end here with what ended up being a super kinky fic and a word count that kind of got away from me — Oops!

Mind the tags, and please let me know if I missed anything!

Content warning for a whole lot of piss — If that’s not what you’re here for, beware!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

“Potty!”

Aziraphale looked up from the book he’d been working on, scrunching his eyebrows a touch and listening more intently.

“Potty!” The robotic voice insisted once again.

“Potty! Potty!”

Aziraphale stood quickly and hurried into the living room of their cottage. He and Crowley had settled here shortly after the Nawpocolypse, choosing to live out their retirement comfortably, quietly, and very much in love.

The site that greeted him sent more blood rushing south than should be strictly allowed.

His “puppy” was on hands and knees, hovering over an assortment of button they used to communicate when they were playing like this. (The puppy play was not new, but Crowley had stumbled across the buttons in a TikTok video several months ago, leaving him hard enough to cut glass and resulting in a few particularly epic romps once they got their first order.) He had his thighs pressed tightly together, leaning back to squeeze his dick firmly and rhythmically. His eyes were closed and he was whimpering softly, using his right hand to smash the button over and over again.

“Potty! Potty! Pot—“

“Oh my, puppy. How bad is it?” The angel asked softly, knowing his boy liked to play right up until it was almost too late. They’d indulged this fantasy many times before, but he’d never known Crowley to wait quite this long before making him aware of his predicament. He waited expectantly for his lover to press the button again — Once for ‘getting full,’ twice for ‘getting really full,’ and three times for ‘absolutely bursting, no time for chat’.

Crowley opened his eyes, giving him a desperate stare and squeezing his cock between his thighs again before pressing his button.

“Potty! Potty! Potty! Potty! Potty! Pot—“

Aziraphale lost count, but he understood the implication. They’d never played when his love was quite this desperate.

“Okay, sweetheart, okay. Use your words now please, darling,” he urged gently.

Crowley immediately sputtered, a rush of words tumbling out like something else would like to be rushing out.

“Angel, please — fuck — please, I have to go so bad. I’m going to piss on the floor if you don’t get a pad under me right now.

Aziraphale could pretty clearly see that Crowley wasn’t kidding, and he shuffled quickly over to the cabinet where they kept the puppy pads. He noted briefly that the one that lived customarily in the corner of the living room during their ‘play sessions’ — this wasn’t their first rodeo, after all — was already well used, and for the first time he began to wonder just how long he’d been working on rebinding that book.

“Please, Angel, hurry, please. It’s going to come out, Angel. I’m so full, and — fuck — I have to go so  bad. It’s all right there at the tip of my cock. Oh shit, I’m gonna leak. Angel!” Crowley rocked even more desperately, shifting his hips and praying he could hold on a few seconds longer. A couple of drops of urine beaded at his tip, and he could hear them dripping to splash on the hardwood below. His bladder throbbed and his cock ached. He had seconds at best.

Angel!!”  He gritted his teeth, squirming and holding with all his might.

Meanwhile, Aziraphale was staring into the cabinet, wading through the implications of his current discovery. The outer packaging of the pack of puppy pads sat there on the shelf, looking sad and formless. There were no pads.

There were no pads.

He turned to look at Crowley, who had reached a hand back to grasp his cock in a death grip. Their usual rules for playtime didn’t allow him to hold himself like a human would, but in this case, exceedingly desperate times would have to call for exceedingly desperate measures.

“Darling,” Aziraphale started carefully. There was no time to beat around the bush. “We seem to be out of pads.”

Crowley gazed at him for a moment, panic taking over his features slowly but surely.

Fuck, Angel, I’m sorry, but I really can’t wait. I can’t hold it. You have to find me someplace to potty, and it has to be right now. Please.” He begged, leaning and on his haunches to grind a heel into his crotch and get another hand on his desperate cock. His bladder gave another throb, and a slow trickle of urine worked it’s way out his tip. He was going to lose it if Aziraphale didn’t come up with something immediately.

“The pad that’s out is completely full? Are you sure it couldn’t take a little more?” Aziraphale hurried, looking for alternatives to help his poor puppy behave.

“Yessss,” Crowley hissed, “I had to go really bad earlier too, ssso it got pretty thoroughly used. I’m ssssurprised it didn’t leak. Oh shit!” He curled up as another, stronger squirt of piss forced its way out, adding to the small puddle that was starting to accumulate.

Aziraphale was running out of options. They didn’t keep a toilet in their cottage most of the time — miraculous intervention usually kept both their bladders in check  when they weren’t too busy having their ‘fun’ — and there wasn’t one here today. He doubted Crowley could wait the time it would take him to craft one. Their home was full of potted plants that could work, but he know his demon would rather let his bladder actually rupture than defile one of his poor pseudo-children in that way. There were no buckets or bottles that he could track down fast enough to get positioned in time —

His thoughts were interrupted by a distressed whimper from his poor puppy.

Angel, please, Angel, I can’t…”

“Okay! Puppy, it’s okay. Let’s go then! C’mon! Outside for potty time.” Aziraphale cooed gently, deciding all at once that this was the only option to keep the floor (mostly) dry. They’d used the garden for this before (along with all kinds of other, ahem, activities) but it had been quite a while since they indulged in this particular conclusion to their play sessions. Aziraphale quickly slid open the glass door and stood at the threshold, watching his puppy expectantly.

Crowley moaned, his cock twitching in a valiant effort to harden at the immensely arousing implication of the open door.

“Fuck, Angel, I don’t know if I can make it. I really can’t hold—“

“You can and you will. Come now, be a good boy. Let’s go outside for potty time!” The angel commanded gently.

Crowley moaned again and his bladder throbbed. The thought of relief made him more desperate than ever.

He exhaled carefully, leaning back up onto his hand and knees again, tightening his muscles with everything he had to make sure his urine stayed put in his overfull bladder instead of on the wooden flooring. He felt himself leak again in the process, piss spattering softly to the ground, but he managed to get himself under control.

Barely.

Whining, he started to shuffle stiffly towards the open door. If he moved too fast, he was going to have a truly epic accident all over their living room floor.

For someone’s sake, if he moved too slow he was going to have an epic accident all over their living room floor. All things considered, throughly pissing himself right here right now seemed the most likely of any of the options at the moment.

He soldiered onwards.

He had to stop three times to gather himself, leaning back to grind himself down into his heel and grip himself tightly, sweating and squirming as he waited for the urgency to pass. On the third stop, he lost three big leaks in a row and it was almost all over right then. 

“Fuck, shit, fuck, I can’t— Oh fuck, I have to wee—“ He groaned, fighting for control. He finally won over against his body, but he knew it was temporary at best. Next time, there’d be no holding it back.

Thankfully, he crossed over onto the rough wood of the deck on the next step, leaving him just inches away from the relief he needed so badly. He shivered, eying the grass that was calling for him. His bladder gave a particularly violent answering throb, and he resumed his shuffling hurriedly.

He made it.

He made it to the grass at least. Mostly. The trail of little puddles in his wake would beg to differ, but the ocean in his bladder was still largely contained. Crowley decided that he would call that a win.

He didn’t even have time to search for an appropriate spot. As soon as he hit grass, he couldn’t wait any longer. He lifted his leg, cock twitching and spitting little shots of piss violently now, so close to relief.

“Please, Angel, may I go potty? I have to go so bad, I have to go so bad, I need to go right now, please, Angel, please let me go potty—“ His begging came out in a rush as he felt a slow, continuous trickle of urine start to leak from his weeping tip. He squirmed again, hoping to give himself a second longer to behave for his angel.

Unfortunately, his body had other plans.

His bladder, for one, decided that it needed to be empty rightthefucknow, and there wasn’t anything he could do to stop it anymore.

Piss poured out of him, bubbling as it hit the grass and pooling where it couldn’t be absorbed fast enough. He groaned in relief, still not feeling any less full, but reveling in the sensation of letting go. The insistently hissing seemed to echo though their yard, mixing with the sounds Crowley couldn’t hold in.

Vaguely, he was aware of Aziraphale behind him, softly reassuring him.

“You did so good, my boy. Of course you can go! You are such a good puppy, holding it all that time. You must have had to pee-pee so bad, but you made it outside. Good boy! Going potty so well for me—“

Crowley groaned as his stream thundered on. The piss rushing out of him felt incredibly, almost like a particularly long orgasm. He felt his overworked cock twitch at the thought, remembering some of the particularly spectacular orgasms that had followed this kind of desperate release in the past. He was going to have to be careful…

His mind had other plans, images flashing through:

 

Aziraphale, stroking him while he pissed furiously into a toilet the first time they’d indulged this kink of his. Crowley, not able to hold anything back, coming in thick bursts mid-stream before finishing his desperate wee.

Crowley, bouncing on Aziraphale’s hard cock, trying desperately to finish them both before they burst. They didn’t make it, and Aziraphale had filled him completely full of piss before coming explosively into the same wet heat. The first hot spurt of piss into him had sent Crowley over the edge, and he finished seconds before he started weeing over his Angel’s hip.

Crowley, his ears and tail in place now, whimpering and whining when he was first potty training as a puppy. Slamming his new button to let his owner know what he needed, and Aziraphale hurriedly showing a pad under him before it was too late. Him flooding the paper, watching the angle palm himself until he came in his wool trousers watching him lose it.

 

Crowley moaned in distress, his cock hardening enough that his stream cut off, only halfway done. He looked for his angel, knowing he would need this taken care of if he was going to be able to finish his desperate piss. The sight did not help matters at all.

Aziraphale had sat himself on the edge of their porch, watching his puppy get his relief. His pupils were huge and his trousers were tented obscenely, a small wet spot apparent where the tip of his cock must be. He was biting his lip hard, one thumb stroking over the length of himself slowly, clearly struggling to hold back at the immensely arousing site in front of him.

“Ngk!”

Crowley stepped carefully and quickly around his puddle, shuffling over to kneel in front of his beautiful angel. He nudged Aziraphale’s knee gently with his nose, hoping his love would get the hint. His cock was aching a little now, overwhelmed with need and arousal. He opened his mouth to speak, but Aziraphale carefully put his thumb on Crowley’s lower lip, their agreed upon sign for ‘good puppies don’t use words.’ Crowley couldn’t help the whimper that escaped, and he nuzzled the angel’s knee once more.

“Oh, puppy. You were such a good boy for me.”

Crowley squirmed, pleasure zipping through his belly at the praise.

“Are you done going pee-pee, puppy?” Aziraphale asked, knowingly, eyebrows raised in faux innocence. Crowley grumbled, then shook his head, his collar making a light tinkling noise.

“Did someone get a little distracted?”

Crowley nodded, his collar tinkling again. His bladder throbbed, the sensation making his cock twitch in pleasure. Crowley whined a little.

“Does my puppy need a little help with his problem?” Aziraphale cooed again, and Crowley couldn’t resist nuzzling this knee again, creeping his cheek up his angel’s inner thigh in the process.

Aziraphale couldn’t resist any longer. He quickly unbuttoned his trousers, then patted his thigh and encouraged his puppy into his lap. “Up, boy, up!”

Crowley groaned and sat up further on his knees, clambering so that he was straddling his angel’s hips. He squirmed, grinding his hard cock against Aziraphale’s beautifully soft stomach in the process. Crowley buried his nose into Aziraphale’s shoulder, then started mouthing gently up his neck, enjoying the soft groans of pleasure it pulled from the angel. He felt his love gently working his plug out of him, and he whined at the feeling of emptiness.

“Words, puppy,” instructed Aziraphale, to Crowley’s relief.

“Inside, now, please Angel,” groaned Crowley, grinding forward harder and gritting his teeth against the answering bursts of pleasure that tickled up his spine.

A brief miracle sounded, then the angel was finally, thankfully, pressing his newly-slicked cock up against Crowley’s hole.

Crowley whined as his partner pushed in, swearing and blessing at the feeling of fullness. The sensation newly reminded him of another urge, and a jet of piss shot out of him as if his bladder was protesting having to share space with such a persistently firm neighbor. Crowley grabbed hurriedly at his cock, squeezing tightly to stop the flow.

“Sorry, Angel. Couldn’t hold it. Still might not be able to…”

“That’s okay, puppy. I know you’re trying. Now, be a good boy for me and keep all that piss and cum inside yourself. Remember that puppies don’t get to finish until their owners do.” Aziraphale bottomed out with a moan as he finished his instructions, and Crowley shivered in pleasure, burying his face in the angel’s shoulder again.

“Color?” Aziraphale asked softly.

“So fucking green. Please move, Angel.” Crowley groaned, rolling his hips and hoping his love got the memo.

Aziraphale began grinding up into the demon, and Crowley bucked his hips in response, quickly settling into the familiar rhythm. His bladder throbbed with each push, and he did his best to keep everything contained. Aziraphale felt another hot spurt of urine hit his stomach, then his chest, and he groaned in spite of himself.

“I’m not sure how long I can hold this, Angel. I gotta finish going potty so bad,” his puppy whined, rocking faster on his cock and nearly making the angel see stars.

“Just a little longer, love. Hold it for me, my boy,” Aziraphale matched Crowley’s pace, already barreling towards his orgasm.

Their movements became more and more frantic, their rhythm increasing in intensity and desperation. Aziraphale felt Crowley gasp suddenly, his hand shifting lower to pinch tightly at the base of his cock.

“Oh, fuck! I’m gonna come, Angel.”

“Not yet, puppy.” Aziraphale gave a particularly pointed thrust, and Crowley groaned desperately, tightening his grip on the base of his cock.

“So close, Angel. Don’t know if I can wait.”

“Good boys wait, and you’ve been so good for me today so far. Don’t you want to keep being my good little puppy?” Aziraphale asked, knowingly. His own cock was aching with the need to come, but he loved watching Crowley struggle to hold back.

Crowley moaned desperately, his balls tightening and the pressure building with each perfectly aimed thrust his angel gave him.

“Gotta cum, Angel, need to cum so bad. So full and so, so close,” he panted, clinging to the edge as best he could.

“Hold it, puppy,” Aziraphale ordered through gritted teeth, “I’m close too.”

“Oh, fuck, oh, Angel! I can’t —“ Crowley felt his control slip, and all of a sudden, there was nothing he could do. His orgasm ripped through him, and he shouted, his cock pulsing wave after wave of cum onto the angel’s chest as pleasure rolled through him.

“Fuck!!” Aziraphale’s orgasm hit him like a freight train, and he only managed another few thrusts before burying himself as deep as he could go and pouring his spend into his demon. Panting, he leaned his forehead against Crowley’s, his arms still wrapped around his love, basking in the echos of pleasure rolling through him.

Suddenly, Crowley was squirming and pulling away frantically.

“Fuck, gonna wet, gotta wee, need to go now, Angel!” Crowley rushed out, hissing as a fountain of piss started to jet out of his spent cock and splatter Aziraphale messily.

Azirphale quickly released the demon, allowing him to pull off and shuffle towards the grass on all fours, leaking urgently. Crowley didn’t even have time to get his leg up this time — he just leaned his hips forward and whimpered as an absolute torrent of piss poured out of his overworked bladder and onto the grass below. The stream seemed to go on forever, but eventually, Crowley felt himself sputtering to a stop. He leaned back on his haunches, taking a second to admire the absolutely massive puddles he had left in their garden, before gingerly standing up and walking over to his angel. He sat down on the edge of the porch, leaning over to kiss the blonde man deeply as he worked to unclip the ears from his ginger hair. Aziraphale gently unbuckled the puppy’s collar, and Crowley softly broke their kiss and curled up against the angel’s side with a contented sigh.

“That was amazing, Angel,” the demon remarked softly, snuggling into the warmth next to him.

“I’m glad you enjoyed yourself, love. I know I certainly did.” Aziraphale smiled, giving a soft snap to clean up the messes that had resulted from their fun.

They sat intertwined and softly enjoying each other’s company. When it eventually became uncomfortably chilly outside, they made their way indoors, pausing for gentle kisses and embraces on their way to bed.

“Crowley?” Aziraphale asked later, once they were cuddled up comfortably in their big, warm bed.

“Yes, Angel?”

“Can I ask one question about tonight?”

“‘course.”

“What ever happened to the rest of the puppy pads? I know we had more left.”

Crowley squirmed and stuttered, blushing a little in the dim light.

“Well, I, uh, may have — potentially — really, actually, hypothetically, you see… hiddentheminthetopdrawerofthefreezer,” Crowley confessed finally, looking away pointedly.

Why?” Aziraphale couldn’t keep the grin out of his voice.

“I, uhhh, wanted to see what would happen,” Crowley shrugged. “Turned out well enough, I’d say — ngk!”  His defense was interrupted by the angel pulling him in sharply for a deep kiss. They stayed like this for quite a while, tongues lazily exploring each other’s mouths and fingers grazing all the open skin they could find.

“My silly, wily serpent,” the angel said fondly when the kiss finally broke. “I love you so much.”

“Love you too, Angel,” Crowley smiled, snuggling in closer and wondering what he could have possibly done to deserve this much bliss.

Notes:

Thanks for reading! I’d love to hear comments if you have anything to share. ☺️

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