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Gone are the days when they constantly worried about where to eat or how to share a cheap meal between thirteen starving mouths. For a number of years now, they’ve had the luxury to visit places they’ve only dreamt of, meet people they saw from their childhood TV sets, and eat delicacies they’ve never even heard of before.
All of these come with a price of course, something Jeonghan knows all too well. But tonight he vowed not to think about anything or anyone besides the man beside him. They’ve been through a lot this past year, collectively, and his heart overflows with pride and adoration for his friends family. They’ve given a lot, compromised a lot, sacrificed a lot to get to where they are now. Seventeen. Seungcheol. Jeonghan. Seungcheol and Jeonghan.
So as the chef in front of them delicately prepares one of the many dishes lined up for tonight, Jeonghan can’t help the urge to stare at the man sitting beside him, instinctively holding Seungcheol’s pinky in his. Seungcheol turns towards Jeonghan, eyebrow raised in question with the softest smile dancing in his lips. Jeonghan just shakes his head, squeezes Seungcheol’s pinky finger one last time before letting go.
He’s not stupid, neither of them are. While this omakase restaurant was recommended by their friends for the privacy and security their job makes them crave, they’re still two men sitting too close together, gazes lingering too long at each other, and smiles too sweet for it to be construed as just a friendly date.
Maybe if they were in a small village in Southern Italy or a random hole in the wall restaurant in Surrey, neither of them would care to keep up pretences as much as they do now. Maybe Seungcheol would have his hand on Jeonghan’s thigh. Maybe Jeonghan wouldn’t think twice about putting his head on Seungcheol’s shoulders. Maybe, just maybe, they can be a normal couple enjoying each other’s company and the good food personally prepared for them. But that’s not the reality, not their reality. But it’s okay, they can manage. Plus, a small part of him likes it, thrives in it, in fact.
He has never been as loud as Seungcheol, in any capacity, but he has never needed to. Seungcheol hears him, knows him, sees him.
“This is a marinated Alaskan black cod nigiri with sake paste. Enjoy,” the head chef says, interrupting Jeonghan’s inner musings. Seungcheol smiles at him, urges Jeonghan to eat his piece before putting the nigiri in his own mouth. The couple nods in approval, earning an earnest smile from the chef.
“How’s your ankle?” Seungcheol prods.
“The doctor says it's healing well but to not exert myself too much in rehab. Something he told me to remind you of, by the way.” Jeonghan replies, raising his eyebrow in return.
Seungcheol just shakes his head and shrugs. “I’m fine, Han-ah. You know me.”
Jeonghan does. Jeonghan knew, even before Seungcheol told him, how much the ACL injury would affect the other; how antsy Seungcheol will get sitting around in his apartment with Kkuma while the rest of them are in Italy. So he called and texted and kept their leader, his boyfriend, in the loop, thanking Na and Shin PD in the process every time they urged Jeonghan to video call Seungcheol. And Seungcheol’s right, he is fine.
The years of being Seventeen’s leader and the eldest in the group has worn Seungcheol down, but it has also softened him. His battles and experiences have taught him to be kinder to himself, to give himself the same grace he easily gives others, and to trust his instincts more. To trust others more. To trust Jeonghan more.
So Jeonghan trusts him, in return, wholeheartedly. It didn’t stop his worries from eating him up when he was in Italy, miles away from his lover with the time difference and schedules making it difficult to keep up with Seungcheol’s recovery, but he fared well. He came back from Europe to a bulkier Seungcheol, to a proud Seungcheol who was then able to fold his injured knee earlier than the doctor or their PT hyung expected, to a happy Seungcheol. And that was enough for Jeonghan.
“You know Shua texted me earlier after he ended the live? He told me you were acting like an overly-excited puppy in the practice room before picking me up,” Jeonghan starts, looking at his boyfriend, teasing smile on his lips as he looks at Seungcheol’s crinkling eyes.
Seungcheol snorts, playing with the gold bracelet decorating Jeonghan’s wrist. “What did you expect, Hannie-yah? I woke up to your text showing me the reservation for tonight and the new cardigan you planned on wearing. Plus, we haven’t seen each other since I dropped you and Subin off at your parents' house two weeks ago,” Seungcheol responds, almost whining.
Jeonghan preens. After years of having Seungcheol around, of being with him, the latter still manages to make him feel so loved. To Jeonghan’s surprise, it’s almost like Seungcheol has discovered, keeps on discovering, new ways to make him feel like the luckiest guy in the world.
“Ah, my Cheolie. Do you like this sweater?” Jeonghan asks, looking at Seungcheol’s eyes, a knowing smile on his lips. He saw this fuzzy cardigan from a random online shop while he was browsing on his phone last week and knew Seungcheol would like it, low neckline and all. He’s not usually one to wear such clothing, especially without anything underneath. But he hasn’t seen his boyfriend in a while and hasn’t made himself pretty for anyone (for Seungcheol) in a long time.
Seungcheol returns his gaze before stealing a glance at Jeonghan’s exposed collarbones and chest. Jeonghan’s hair is getting longer too, just how Seungcheol likes it. He quickly glances at the chef in front of them who's busy preparing the next course and puts his warm hand on Jeonghan’s slacks-covered thigh. He squeezes, feeling the hint of muscle, and licks his lips before nodding his head to Jeonghan’s inquiry. Jeonghan tightly clasps the hand on his lap in return and gives Seungcheol his signature toothy smile.
“Later,” Jeonghan whispers, a promise of something more, of something they’ve craved, of something Jeonghan has been thinking about since Seungcheol sent a picture of himself, in a tight tank in the private gym locker room last week, knowing Jeonghan was out for dinner with his entire family. When Seungcheol knew what that would do to Jeonghan. When he knew how his bulging biceps affect Jeonghan. When he knew Jeonghan could do nothing but look.
The sound of the plates being set in front of them disrupted their thoughts, prompting the two to untangle their hands and give the chef their attention. “This is the last course before dessert—lightly pan-seared tuna belly steak in sake-infused soy and mirin prepared on top of a bed of rice.” The couple tries the dish in front of them, barely-contained grins on their faces. The chef looks at the couple in front of him, gratitude filling his heart seeing how much they seem to be enjoying his creations, oblivious to the playful touches the two are sharing.
An hour later, bellies full and hunger sated, Jeonghan is on his phone as Seungcheol starts the vehicle. The familiar tune of their favourite song—Yoo Jae Ha’s Because I Love You enveloping the car as Jeonghan makes himself comfortable in his seat.
“Our picture from tonight came out well,” Jeonghan says, busy fingers moving across his phone.
“Are you posting that? To Weverse?”
Jeonghan nods.
“Why?” Seungcheol lets out a soft laugh, reversing the car out of the parking stall. “I’m the one who usually does stuff like that.”
“Because.” Jeonghan shrugs, soft smile playing on his lips before putting his phone on the console and intertwines his fingers with Seungcheol’s.
Because I love you.
Because I love this life.
Because you’re in my life.
Because we built this life.
Because… because… because…