Chapter Text
Buck had never felt so alone as he laid in his car staring up at the roof, trying to get to sleep on its hard seats. This year had official been the worst year of his life. First he was blown up and had a fire truck land on his leg, then he had an embolism and was caught in a tsunami and now he’s dead broke, living in his car as he doesn’t want to tell anyone how bad things had gotten. Not that they would care, things may seem resolved from the lawsuits but Buck still fells their judging and cold shoulders at times.
He didn’t mean for things to get this bad, it just turns out that getting your leg crushed by a fire engine is expensive, add in the legal fees and Buck was left with nothing. The only thing he had to his name was the jeep and the few pieces of clothing that fit into the car the rest he had to sell once he got evicted.
If he went to Maddie or anyone in the team they were sure to give him somewhere to stay immediately, but he didn’t want there pitying looks anymore, he wanted to be the Buck they all knew again, the one that never gave up, not the one that kept getting knocked down.
He had even had to start rationing his blood thinners, he couldn’t afford gas and food on a good day the last thing he need was to pay hundreds for some pills that only made his life harder than it had already become.
He didn’t ask for anything that occurred in the last year to happen, but the universe didn’t care so here he was tossing around in the back of his jeep as he tried to get some sleep before his shift started in a few hours.
In a way Buck was kind of grateful that the team weren’t paying as much attention to him as they use to or they definitely would have notice his weight lost and bone deep tiredness that came with trying to sleep in a car.
Living in your car came with many problems but one that bothered Buck more than it should of was that he now only got the chance to check his phone when he was on shifts, not that many people were texting him recently anyways, there was no where to charge it in his jeep and it’s not like he could afford to pay for his phone bill so he had to cancel his service.
Buck was just powering up his phone from when it had died when he received several messages all from an old friend he had in Peru back when he was bartending. It wasn’t unusual for him to get a text out of no where from Luis, they had the kind of friendship where they would text each other loads for weeks and then wouldn’t talk again till a few month later.
It turns out that his friend had also moved to la and was wondering if Buck wanted to meet up tomorrow, as the alarm sounded Buck quickly sent of his agreement before he was following the others to the truck.
—
Buck doesn’t know why he felt so nervous meeting up with his old friend, it’s not like he was going to be mad at him like his team was, this should be fine, it was just a catch up between old friends nothing else.
It was going to be fine. Buck had to keep repeating to himself as he drove to the cafe where they where meeting. Luis didn’t know anything about what was going on at the station or his living situation this wasn’t an ambush it was just two old friends catching up Buck reminded himself as he pulled into the parking lot of the surf café by the beach that Luis had picked to meet up at, it was kinda like the one they use to work at together apart from this one was a lot more family friendly than the boozy crowd they use to serve.
As soon as Buck stepped out of the jeep the sound of waves crashing on the sand meet his ears and he had to fight every instinct in his body to not get back in his car and drive away to go check on Chris. Buck had not been back to the ocean since the tsunami, he never wanted to set foot on a beach ever again if he could help it, he had enough of them in his nightmares that woke him up on days when he finally did manage to fall asleep.
Swallowing hard Buck tired pushing the sounds of Chris screaming his name to the back of his mind as he entered the cafe in search of his old friend.
There in the far corner of the cafe, watching the waves crash against the beach sat a dark hair man sipping a beer. An easy smile took over Bucks faces as he walked over to greet his old friend.
Finally noticing Buck approaching Luis stood up with a matching smile as the two embraced, “It’s good to see you, how’s the leg been?” Luis asked as they broke apart and toke their seats.
Buck tired his best to keep the conversation off of his work as the two drank beers and caught up, mainly it was Luis telling him story about the different bars he worked in as Buck told his own about some of the calls he had been on before everything went to shit.
“So, what brings you to la?” Buck finally asked as he finished telling Luis all about the earthquake from a year ago.
“I’m opening up a bar here actually” Luis explained, back when they bar tended together Luis always talked about how he wanted to own his own bar, Buck was happy for his friend that the had been able to achieve his dream.
“Oh nice” Buck commented as Luis began telling him all about his decision and the work he’s had to do to get his own bar.
The way Luis was talking, the excitement about his job made Buck a little jealous. He used to be like that excited to go to work everyday but recently it was becoming more and more of a struggle, subtlety Buck shook his head in a effort to push his jealousy to the back of his mind as he focused on what his friend was saying.
“There was something I wanted to ask you actually, I was wondering if you would work the bar a few nights, you where always the best, I’ve never know anyone else who has been able to make a show of poring drinks quite like you” Luis complimented with slight apprehension, Bucks shock must have shown on his face. He wasn’t use to people valuing his skills, it was kind of jarring to be asked such an important favour.
“You want me to work in your bar?” Buck asked, needing the clarification as he couldn’t get his head around why Luis would want him to be apart of something he’s be working so hard on for so long. .
“Only if you want to, I know you’re busy saving lives but I think your presence alone would bring people in” Luis clarified with a reassuring smile that made Buck blush a little, no one had smiled at him like that in months, no one had really looked at him for months.
Would he want to bar tend again. He was good at it sure and he did always enjoy getting to know new people only if it was briefly. This could be exactly what he need to get his life back together, Bobby was reluctant to give him extra shifts already all it would take was one slip up from Buck and there would be no chance of any over time, he needed the money and maybe some social interact outside of people who where in danger and those who hated his guts.
“I… I would love to” Buck hesitated before a smile of his own toke over. He did want to do this it would be good for him, anytime away from his thoughts these days where good.
“Are you sure, I don’t want you to fell pressured” Luis questioned looking slightly shocked at how quickly Buck accepted his offer.
“I’m sure” Buck reassured “you would be doing me favour as well the city doesn’t actually pay you a lot for saving lives while risking your own” Buck huffed, he loved his job and his team but you would think after getting blown up and being crushed by a ladder truck on the evening news that he would have gotten a bit more help from the department, he should of expected it though people only cared about him when he was useful, so if he could be useful to Luis he would take that opportunity and make the most of it.
“Well great. Opening is next Friday, you free?” Luis smirked as he raised is glass to cheers.
“Of course!” Buck grinned as he raised his own beer with a laugh, this was all going to be fine it would only be until he got back on his feet, no one would even notice.
—
Buck has worked in a lot of bars on and off through out the years, most of them where unkept and barely surviving, but incognito had to be be one of the nicest bars Buck has ever seen let alone worked in.
The bar felt luxurious with it’s dark walls matched with gold and oak accents, the chairs where vintage deep red velvet that where so comfy you felt like you where sitting in a cloud. The menu include drinks that changed colour to one’s that came with fire and smoke, Buck found it all mesmerising. If he wasn’t in such a tight spot financially he would have loved to bring the team here.
Opening night Buck spent eight hours on his feet serving nonstop, by the time the bar shut his ears was ringing form all the noise and his leg felt like it was on fire. Usually he had been finding a quiet spot to park his car for the night, it toke him a few weeks to find places where he wouldn’t get woken up by fights or the occasional owner or officer asking him to move on, usually Buck ended up parking in the back of mall parking lots but tonight he was so tired he collapsed as soon as he crawled into the back of the jeep and for the first time in months he wasn’t woken up with the feeling of being crushed or drowned.
There was something about working behind the bar again that made Buck feel more like himself than he had in ages. While he was up there serving drinks and occasionally flirting with customers he felt lighter, it was like all his problems disappeared when he was under the dark golden glow of the bar. Nothing could hurt him there, the people there would never be able to get to close to hurt him, they didn’t know his problems he was just there to ensure they had a good time.
He kind of liked it, the feeling of having no expectations again. He didn’t need to try hard to put on an act here like he did at the station, the smiles that he shot every customer was for once natural and not forced through the need to make sure no one saw through his facade.
Buck knew working at the bar was going to be tiring but he didn’t expect it to be this bad, he could barely keep his eyes open as he drove to his shift at the station and he had only been working at the bar for two weeks. He didn’t realise how hard working into the early morning mixed with twenty four hour shifts on top of no sleep was going to be.
Buck just had to keep reminding himself that it was worth it, he would be able to pay off his debts so much quicker and move on with rebuilding his life before anyone found out how bad it had actually gotten.
The only thing was Buck forgot that the 118 were a bunch of nosy gossipers that still cared for him, no matter what his thoughts may be telling him.
When Buck walked into the station looking dead on his feet with heavy bags under his eyes Hen noticed straight away. She had been watching him closely from the shadows ever since he came back and she was getting increasingly worried.
Hen thought that everything was going to be alright after Buck talked it out with Bobby and Eddie, and while they seemed fine it was Buck that had turned distant.
He kept to himself more often, gone was his sparkle that light up the room. He stoped sharing his facts from his recent obsession, he stopped taking altogether really.
At the start Hen just thought it was him finding his footing again. So much had happened since the last time he set foot in the station she thought that he may just be overwhelmed and probably anxious, so she didn’t say anything in fear that it would add to Bucks worry but months had gone by and he hadn’t improved and she had had it. She couldn’t sit by and watch anymore as Buck, the most radiant person she had ever know became a shell of himself.
Hen was sure something was wrong, she just didn’t know how to approach it. If everything was normal then it would probably be Eddie, but he’s had his own thing going on that’s landed him in mandatory therapy and he won’t talk about it to them either. This is why Buck and Eddie needed each other as without the other they kept their problems to close and waited until it consumed them to get help.
So Hen watched Buck all day like she usually has been but today she hardly let him leave her eye line. On ways to calls Buck was quiet, he sat tucked up in the corner watching as they speed down the streets. Back at the station he was basically a walking zombie, he kept zoning out through out his chores but Hen finally broke when she spotted him asleep with his head in his locker after returning from a call.
“Buck” Hen called as she approached the younger man who jolted awake at the sound of her voice, “You felling alright?”.
“Yeah I’m good, I was just um…I’ve got to go check the o2 tanks” Buck mumbled as rushed out the locker room and disappeared into the storage room.
Hen sighed heavily as she watch him practically run away from her. She hated what this last year had done to him, but she hated herself even more for not being there as much as she could have. How could she nor or any of the team realise how much Buck was struggling back then and how could they not see it now. Hen wasn’t going to let it go on any longer.
Marching up the stairs to the loft Hen made a beeline for Chimney, Eddie and Bobby all who were sitting around the dinning table sipping coffee and talking. The sight of them all made Hens blood boil slightly, how could they all be chatting so carelessly when something was clearly going on with one of their own.
“Have any of you notice how tired Bucks been looking lately” Hen asked the team as she angrily shocked them out of there conversation as she slammed her fist down on the table to get there attention.
The three men looked at each other in confusion, clearly unnerved by Hens outburst she only ever yelled when something was upsetting er.
“Not really” Chim hesitated as he looked back at Hen with concern.
“He’s been sort of quiet a lot recently” Eddie frowned to himself as though he was only just realising it.
“Yeah but he’s barely said two words today and I just caught him asleep with his head in the locker” Hen stated frustratedly with a saddened look on her face that only added to the teams worry.
“You don’t think his leg could be bothering him do you?” Bobby asked with concerned at the thought that Buck might be in pain and hasn’t told him.
“It’s Buck the only way your going to find that out is if you ask him” Hen huffed, if only Buck wasn’t so stubborn and hellbent on always proving that he was okay all the time, even when he was in pain from surgeries he was always making sure everyone else was okay. He was too damn self sacrificial for his own good. “Have any of you talked to him recently, like really talked to see how he’s doing?” Hen pressed as she sank into a seat beside Chimney, all her previous annoyance at the men gone as she focused on how best to help there youngest.
“No, I… he would come to us if something was up” Eddie defended with a shake of his head but the frown his face was set in told everyone that he didn’t really believe it, none of them believed it.
“When has Buck ever come to someone with his problems. We need to do something, we need our Buck back before something bad happens” Hen declared with one last hard look at the three before she toke off back downstairs to help Buck, leaving the others all sitting at the table with a bad taste of regret in there mouths.
Hen watched Buck the rest of shift just like before but waited until the end of shift to approach him again. She wasn’t the only one watching him tho as out of the corner of her eye she could spot the others lurking nearby by as they eyed him and she could tell Buck could sense it to.