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Gaon sighed, and tiredly rubbed his eyes. It was the end of a full day of back and forth between government representatives giving him the most exhausting deja-vu. The same promises, the same excuses, the same system kept in motion by the powerful apathetic. It was pointless. It all seemed pointless.
Past that afternoon, he could barely concentrate. For hours, his thoughts darted at his encounter with… him. Yohan. The hand on his shoulder, his silhouette against the sun. Calling at him across the hall, he even forgot to worry about the man getting caught, or recognized. No other words were exchanged, only a moment's glance, and then he was on his way, disappearing into the crowd. It had left Gaon profoundly shaken.
He didn't realize how shaken, until he stretched his back, as the last meeting of the day ended, and put his hands on his pockets... finding that a small paper note had been slipped into his suit.
"You have a nice house."
In the bastard's fucking handwriting.
Gaon excused himself from the congress members and dodged saying goodbye to the dozens of meeting attendees. He must've seemed grumpy. Just another judge fed up with politics, just another worker yearning to get home.
He took the subway. It never felt slower.
As he approached from the street, he was greeted by a shadow, leaning against the steps that led to his house. And there he was.
Kang Yohan smiled at him, beckoning with his right hand, and holding a leather coat on the other.
Gaon tripped running up. He hardly noticed, just wrapped his arms around the man and the two stumbled over each other, until they eventually fell down, sat on the stairs.
"You son of a bitch." Gaon said through gritted teeth, between tears and his iron grasp around Yohan's neck. Those were probably not the best words to welcome someone home.
"If I knew you were going to yell my name around all those people I wouldn't have stopped by." Yohan muttered, hands in his back. "A ' hey you!' would've suficed."
"Sorry, I... I didn't think..." Gaon mumbled, embarrassed, apologies and excuses dying in his throat as they parted. "Do-do you wanna come in?"
He got up, awkwardly, and offered Yohan a hand. Gaon pulled the man up and dragged him into the house.
They talked over tea. Yohan smiled, his eyes trained on the man who cooked dinner for the two of them. A month's worth of catching up came and went. He'd changed his name, lied about his occupation - he was an accountant now. - Had been living in Switzerland and overseeing a new treatment to Elijah's injury - she wouldn't walk again, they both knew it, but it offered her more mobility and quality of life. - Beautiful country, but nothing like home. He missed the cameras, you see, the shows. He would probably always miss them. And Elijah missed Gaon. She especially missed his food, he said, as it was placed on the table between them.
Gaon watched Yohan shove the food in his mouth, not making any comment about it, as usual.
"You risked a great deal coming here. I didn't think I'd see you again." The man said.
"That's why I had to come." Yohan spoke, mouth full. "I owed you. Plus, I had to deliver my message."
"You've come an awfully long way just for that." Gaon smiled - then sighed. "And you left Elijah alone in Switzerland, and went back to a country that wants you dead, or worse. Don't you have any common sense in that skull of yours?"
"Are you scolding me?" Yohan laughed. "You were the one willing to die for me."
"Of course not." Gaon glanced away, awkwardly, at the reminder. "I know that when you have a goal, you achieve it. I know nothing would've changed your mind about coming here. Not even Elijah." He replied. He could imagine the girl's pleas for Yohan to stay, and hoped she wouldn't be too angry with him. He hoped they were at peace with each other again. "I appreciate it. Thank you for... for visiting."
Yohan looked down at his feet, a twitch of an awkward smirk still lingering on his face. He motioned towards more food, when suddenly Gaon got up from his chair.
"I'm sorry." He blurted. "For trying to kill you. And for leading Jung Sunah to you. It was my fault you were framed. My fault that you're a criminal now. Kang Yohan..." he bowed. "Forgive me."
Yohan got up as well, walked over to him and held him by the shoulders, slowly convincing the man to straighten up. It was a soft, gentle touch.
"I'm the one who needs to apologize." He said, adjusting the collar of Gaon's suit. "I am a criminal. I broke your trust in me with the actions I took. When you thought I went too far, you had to stop me. I think it was the right thing to do.”
Gaon frowned. It actually sounded like he’d just admitted to being wrong.
"I... did you miss the part where I almost killed you?" He asked, just as baffled.
"But you didn't, so why dwell on it?" Yohan insisted. "I've done worse things to you. Things I am sorry for."
"...This sounds rehearsed." Gaon shook his head, mustering an uneasy smile. "The Yohan I know is never sorry."
The Yohan that Gaon knew didn't look away almost embarrassed either, he thought. And yet.
"So you noticed? I had a lot of time to think, this past month. And you were the one who taught me..." his voice faltered. "...how to talk to teenagers."
"I'm not a—" Gaon scoffed and shoved Yohan's hand off his shoulder. "Really, you came all this way just to insult me?"
"I told you, I came because I owed you.” He replied, serious. “Because I left without saying anything, and you deserved answers, because..."
Yohan trailed off. Gaon raised an eyebrow. It was the second time that the usually so eloquent man hesitated.
“Is everything alright?” He asked. Yohan was way too quiet. Something had broken his confident demeanor. He looked down at his feet, fiddling with his hands.
"I came back because I missed you. Gaon-ah." Yohan breathed. He faced him again, hand instinctively going back to Gaon's shoulder. "Why wouldn't I have missed you?"
Gaon stared at him, wide eyed.
That desperate touch to his shoulder, like Yohan wanted to pull him close, reminded him of their fight, when he had left the Kang Mansion. However, this time Yohan acted almost shy, passive. Like he was expecting a rejection. Almost hoping for one.
Yohan noticed his stare and removed his hand like it was burning.
“And I hoped you would resent me," he said, with a bitter laugh. “Yell at me, hit me, or send me on my way. You know, when you called my name in front of everyone, I was hoping you would get me arrested."
"I'd never—!" The words died at Gaon's lips. He was ashamed - of course he would. He had . Because of him, Yohan had been overpowered, while a ruse ten years in the making shattered into pieces around them.
"It would," Yohan continued, silencing him, deliberately ignoring his reaction. "finally sever me from my weakness.”
He sighed, breathed deep, balling his fists. Getting ready for the jump.
“The weakness of loving you."
"Yohan!" Gaon exclaimed. Yohan grabbed both his arms, interrupting his motion towards him.
"Don't." He begged. "Don't."
Yet he ignored his own words. And leaned forward.
The kiss was slow and deep. Yohan put his desperate hands on Gaon's face, caressing his cheeks. Gaon embraced him, his own arms under his shoulders. He made note of Yohan's back. Underneath his shirt, his fingers ran where smooth skin changed to the irregular ridges of his massive scar.
They tasted salt. Tears. Neither knew who they belonged to until they parted, breathless, and stared at each other.
It was the first time Gaon had seen Yohan truly cry. He shut his eyes, but water still streamed down his face.
"Shouldn't have come." He muttered. "Gaon, I'm sorry."
"I was in love with you." Gaon muttered, slowly. "I think I've been for a while."
His heart ached. How long had he not known? Was he already in love with him when he kissed Soohyun? She was everything he had until Yohan came into his life. Suddenly the taste in his mouth became of bitter betrayal.
"I can't do this to her." Gaon choked. "I thought I loved her. Yohan, but it was you. The whole time."
"Her…?" Yohan mumbled. “Soohyun?”
"We kissed. A day before she..." Gaon swallowed dry. "She loved me."
"I... should go." Yohan's lips were shaking. He took a step back, almost in fear.
"No, please ." Gaon held his arm and stopped him from walking. "Please, you already left me once."
"But..."
"It's not a weakness, Yohan." He insisted, aggravated. "You're human too. You need people. Y-you..."
Gaon cried. He had lost Soohyun. He had lost Professor Min. He had lost Yohan, and Elijah. He'd been at the loneliest moment of his life, tired, jaded, and forced to keep going in a world that wouldn't change.
But now Yohan was there, and everything made sense, and he had the guts to look away in shame. As if he'd done something wrong.
"I need you." Gaon whispered, taking his hand. His left hand, the one that was used to block the knife the man once hurled at him. A fresh scar, red and prominent, crossed his palm. Gaon kissed it, and Yohan let him. "Please stay."
Yohan looked like he would collapse on his knees. Gaon’s eyes darted to the food, getting cold on the table.
“Are we still going to eat?” He felt almost dumb for asking. Yohan shook his head.
“I think I’d throw up.”
“Come with me.” Gaon suggested. And for the second time that night, held his hand and led him around the house.
They went upstairs, to the roof. Gaon had him sit on the sofa there, surrounded by plants.
"Elijah would like them." Yohan said, a bit out of it. "The plants, I mean."
"I'm glad I could show them to you." Gaon answered, honest.
He’d wondered about bringing Yohan to his house. Though most of those thoughts also included Elijah - after living in their house, it was natural he’d want them to visit his own. He thought about the girl, and how much he missed her. Their talks and games. Gaon acknowledged he had made himself part of that family, and now, an existence without them felt empty.
"I don't care if humanity falls, as long as I have you two." Yohan said in response.
"Huh?" Gaon asked.
"It's what I thought, the day I realized I loved you." He cleared his throat. "You and Elijah were playing some card game. It was a day like any other."
"And you had to keep it to yourself, all this time? Why?" Gaon was almost angry.
"You were better off without me, anyway." Yohan chuckled, bitter.
"You don't know that." He crossed his arms.
Gaon looked up - and remembered the cozy afternoons and nights spent on that roof, with Soohyun. The friendly talks, her incessant flirting, sharing drinks while they took in the view and discussed their jobs. Was he betraying her memory, bringing someone else there? Loving someone else there?
He loved Soohyun. More than could be put into words. But the way he loved her, he realized now, was not the way he thought he loved her. He was right all along, and she was always meant to have been his friend.
He wondered, if she was still alive, how long would it take for him to realize his true feelings. For her and for Yohan. He wondered if they would break up, and if their friendship would have remained. Or if it would be as he feared, and he would lose her.
The thoughts just kept twisting the knife, deeper and deeper into his guilt. He had mourned her already. Was he back at square one?
But there was no point in dancing around it. Soohyun would be mad if I kept crying about her forever - he thought. She was like that. Maybe she'd want him to move on.
So Gaon spoke his thoughts, at last.
"Yohan... I love you too." He said, sincere and smiling, even if he was a bit teary. "I was really alone before you came back. This time I just want you to stay. Please. Stay in my life."
Yohan crossed his hands, still looking at the floor.
"So what now?" He asked. "Need I remind you I moved to another country?"
"We can make it work." Gaon smiled, and held his hand again. "Cellphones exist, you know. And I'll come visit, when I can. I'll cook for Elijah again."
Yohan turned to him, and his smile was finally warm. The tears had dried. He put a hand on Gaon's chin, caressing his cheek with his thumb.
“Then I’ll hold you to it.”
They kissed again, and the world didn’t know their favorite new terrorist was still alive, falling in love amidst the potted plants in a tiny house tucked in between dirty streets and flights of stairs. And it felt like a promise. Even the two of them were allowed humanity.
Maybe things would be alright, after all.