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Amari lay in his bed, curled up under blankets. He had felt like shit the whole day and avoided people. Moreso people avoided him because he was easily angered today. The people he had to talk to did not make it easier. He didn't know why he felt bad, he had no idea. He just woke up and felt really, really upset.
Maybe it was a dream he couldn't remember, maybe he didn't sleep, which wasn't unusual, maybe not moving locations finally caught up to him? Who knew, and who even cared? He didn't want to see anybody. Whenever he had to speak to someone, even someone as nice as Eman or Saadiya, he was snappy.
Sanjana had harassed him already, Crystal and Yronica, too. He didn't feel like talking to those assholes, he got quite aggressive with them. He found it ironic that a high school popular girl, a witch who believed shiny rocks could heal all your suffering, and a secret agent criticized his every move.
He hadn't even seen his roommate, Emery, today. He pulled the blankets over his head tighter before letting out a sigh and taking the covers off. He got up and hopped off the top bunk, he didn't have any energy to use the ladder. But him hitting the hard, cold floor sent a strike of pain up from his feet to his knees and he let out a light grunt of pain. He stood up and dusted off his legs, wobbling a little before he balanced properly.
He opened the door, closing it behind him quietly. All was quiet and dark at sunset, he didn't want to wake anybody else up or something. He didn't know what time it was, truthfully. He assumed it was just after sunset, but he could have been wrong. He made his way to the kitchen quietly and stumbled over his own feet. He filled up a glass of water and sat on the counter. He furrowed his brows and stared at the dust floating around the air. He felt a clawing sense of dread in his stomach,
he started to think about the plane crash and went wide-eyed.
No, it didn't bother him that his parents are and always have been abusive. It didn't bother him that he was stuck in the same place for the rest of his life. Crystal yelling at him didn't bother him. Nothing did. He could not be bothered. Suddenly his thoughts were broken off by a glass crashing noise, he whipped his head around as he felt liquid splash onto his feet and ankles. He let out a shaky breath and looked down.
He had broken the glass full of water. He hastily hopped off the counter where he thought there wasn't any glass and bolted, quietly. But his feet felt like they were being stabbed by needles breaking off into smaller pieces each time he took a step.
He let out a hiss and made it to his bunk, this time using the ladder. He went back under the covers but left his lower half uncovered. He was an idiot. A pure idiot, he was not worth anything and he was tired of people. He buried his face in his hands and let his hot breath make the rest of his face warmer. He was hurting, especially his feet. He felt too ashamed to admit he thought about his probably abusive parents and broke glass because he got scared. He felt so fucking dumb. He lowered his hands from his face and threw off his jacket, he heard it hit the wall somewhere. He had forgotten to take it off ages ago.
Or he just didn't care to. Who cared? Not him. He was untouchable. Nothing bothered him, absolutely nothing. Except it did. When he heard a knock at the door, he let out a grumble and hoped they'd just go away. But the knocking got louder, more aggressive. He pulled the blankets over his head tighter. The knocking kept going until he finally let out a shout.
"Hold on!" He aggressively wrestled his blanket and got up, carefully climbing the ladder down. He stepped and winced almost instantly. He turned on a lamp while he was up, and then headed to the door slowly.
He opened it to reveal Cora Madison or something. He glared at her. And she barged right in, shoving past him. He whipped his head around and stared at the wannabe journalist.
"What-" He started, but he was quickly cut off by them.
"Can you make any less of a racket? Some people actually wanna sleep." They crossed her arms, letting out a frustrated sigh.
"Who permitted you to stride on in here? Good god, you people have no manners." He grumbled, attempting not to move from his position by the door. His feet hurt badly. He wondered if the skin even broke.
"Clean up your mess next time, slob." Cora let out a deep sigh, he was obviously annoyed with Amari and tired of the wayfarer's antics.
"Oh yeah? Maybe don't barge into people's business and I'll consider it." Amari snarled at him. Cora looked him up and down with a brief face of disgust, then scanned the room. Emery's bunk was untouched, it seemed that Cora noted that.
"Where's your roommate?"
Amari stayed kinda quiet, there was an uncomfortable mood shift in the air.
"I don't know. Sleepover or something." He shrugged and tried not to let it bother him. Tried.
"That's weird. They're normally sleeping by now, right?" Cora pushed. Did this bucket of shit not know to take a hint and screw off?
"How do- God." He put his hand over his eyes for a minute and let out a very shaky sigh. "Do you not know how to fuck off? You're genuinely the worst kind of person I've ever met, and I've met lots of people! Please, just get out. I'm so tired of nosy assholes like you and Sanjana! Get the fuck out of my room. Now." He growled at the ominously gendered investigator, taking a large step toward them. Cora furrowed her brows and scoffed.
"Dare I try to care for you, Amari. How awful it is to be cared for!" They stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind her. Amari let out a sigh, he went and sat on Emery's bed. His heart was pounding so hard he thought it might leap out and attack him. He put his hands over his heart and squeezed his chest, he was shaking. He laid back and just tried to breathe. Fuck. He was tired of this.
He was tired of feeling shitty after he finally started feeling good. The storm comes after, not before. He curled in on himself and closed his eyes, solely not wanting to exist anymore. He must have fallen asleep or something, because he came back to existence when he heard the door creakily opening. His head moved up slowly as he saw Emery's somewhat exhausted and surprised face. Emery cautiously walked over and sat by Amari.
"Hi, Emery." Amari buried his face in the covers, he couldn't quite bear eye contact right now. He felt the bed shift as Emery sat and he just breathed. Emery placed a hand over Amari's back and rubbed circles in it. Amari let out a shaky breath as he looked back up at Emery. Emery smiled sweetly, but he was very worried. "Where... where were you?" Amari frowned.
"Arlo wanted to talk. He said something about you needing anti-psychotics and melatonin." Emery spoke softly. Amari let out a hiss.
"I'm not crazy."
"I know."
"Why does everyone treat me like I am, then?"
"They just don't understand, Mari."
"Obviously, they fucking hate me."
"Nobody hates you! They're all just worried about you."
"Sure they are."
"Amari-"
"Why did he talk to you about it, and not me? Does he not trust me?" Amari stood up and immediately was struck with pain and thrown off balance, he forgot about the fucking glass he stepped in. Emery quickly stood up and went right beside him, his arm hovering behind the injured one in case he fell.
"Woah! Mari, are you okay?" They frowned at him. Amari avoided eye contact as his face scrunched up from pain.
"I have glass in my feet." He muttered, looking at Emery with an exhausted look on his face. Emery's eyes widened.
"Wh- sit down! Sit down, now!" Emery panicked and carefully shuffled closer until Amari backed away, naturally, onto the lower bunk. Amari sat up and let out a sigh.
Emery pulled out some emergency bandages and hydrogen peroxide from the bedside dresser. He also magically brought tweezers out of nowhere. He cautiously got all the chunks and fragments of glass out of Amari's feet using the tweezers. Amari was holding back tears because good god it hurt, and he was ashamed of himself for not taking care of his wellbeing. Emery used cotton balls to apply hydrogen peroxide and Amari let out a hiss of pain, moving his leg back reflexively.
"Mari, this stuff cleans wounds for you."
"You know what else cleans wounds? Alcohol. I need to get drunk." He grumbled, turning away and letting out a sigh. He saw Emery's face strike an expression like something between disgust and fear.
Amari laughed a little. Emery remained quiet, he had a feeling Amari was trying to get under his skin or get them to react. He grabbed Amari's leg and started cleaning the wounds again, Amari attempted to kick him away a few times before drowsily giving up. He let the peroxide sting him and flinched a little, then he felt his feet being wrapped in bandages and he let out a light sigh. Guilt hit him, fuck he felt a horrible mixture of emotions in the brewing pot.
"Sorry, Em." Emery smiled sweetly at him and sat down next to him.
"What for, Mari?"
"Provoking you and stuff..." he swallowed thickly, "I'm not a good person, I think." He furrowed his brows.
"You are a good person! You may not see it, but I do." Amari nodded, but it proved to be futile as he started to breathe quickly, he started hyperventilating.
"I'm sorry- I'm so sorry, I'm an awful person. Why can't I be fixed? Why am I like this? Everybody hates me, and I act like I don't care when I do. I care so much, it hurts! I hate that people hate me, I hate that I would ever worry people because it's just pity and they don't care! I hate talking to them because I know they see me as lesser than them and it hurts! God, god I can't take it I hate everything so much! Why am I so- so horrible?" Emery quickly pulled Amari into a hug, and Amari cried. He cried and cried, and Emery rubbed circles into his back as his clothes became tear-stained.
"Mari, you're one of the most considerate people I've ever known. You're tough, hard-working, determined, and very caring. I know you think you're horrible, but nobody else does. We all truly care for you and worry about you, even if some people suck at showing it. Can we talk about what led up to all that happened, after we breathe for a little?" Amari hastily nodded as Emery started to take deep breaths, to show Amari how. Amari followed, obviously sometimes he started to hyperventilate again and his breathing got out of whack. But Emery was there to help. He was okay for now. Amari finally looked up at Emery. Blue, shiny eyes met his brown and puffy ones. Emery grabbed both his hands and held them in support.
"I don't- How do I start that?"
"Just try, I can help." Amari nodded and started to think. He slowly thought about his response.
"I think it started when I ... got out of bed. I don't know if I slept originally." Amari thought, perhaps he should leave out the thoughts of his parents. Emery didn't quite need to know what happened. But it didn't sound like that bad of an idea. "I kinda thought about my parents." He admitted, cheeks turning red. He had no idea why it embarrassed him to say that. "I think those both might have thrown me off, I don't know the last time I had a proper night's rest. Or a peaceful mind, it seems like when I get better there's always something really bad after." He grasped Emery's hands tighter as he felt his heartbeat quicken. Emery's thumbs just went over his hands soothingly in response. "Uh. Then I just was kind of mean to everyone all day, and I guess they got tired because‐ they were aggressive. So then I just locked myself in my room until dark, I didn't sleep. I just stared. Stared at nothing. Then I went to get water and I broke the glass. And then I stepped in it."
"Woah, hold on. How did it break? How did you step in it?"
"Um? It broke because I dropped it. And I stepped in it because it was dark and I couldn't see where I was going." Partially true.
"Mari, dear, you know what I mean. Why did you drop the glass? Did something scare you? And you didn't turn lights on?" Emery asked everything sweetly, he was worried. It was obvious. Amari's face turned slightly pink at hearing 'Mari' and 'dear' near each other in a sentence.
"I dropped it because I thought about how my parents don't know where I am. I just... I don't know if they're even alive, as much as I hate them, and even if I've been gone forever. They're still my parents, Em." He whispered the last part, his eyes grew glossy again.
Emery frowned deeply, nodding in understanding. "I know. My parents wanted me to stop being childish with magic tricks, but look at me now. Being magic and stuff." They smiled in a bittersweet way, Amari looked at Emery and frowned.
"I'm sorry. You're good at magic and stuff, I wish they'd supported you more." He murmured, fidgeting with his cuticles on one hand.
Emery shrugged. "It wasn't that bad," he paused before speaking again, "your parents were neglectful, Amari." Amari furrowed his brows a minute and was hesitant before speaking up.
"No, they were-" Amari found a scowl etching its way into his expression. "They were just bad parents. Not abusive or neglectful or whatever!" He hissed out, moving his hand away from Emery's. Emery looked slightly hurt before trying to remain comforting and neutral again.
"Sorry, it may have been a bad idea to say that now, when you're more likely to get upset."
"I'm not upset! Why do you assume that?!" He was upset.
"Body language, silly. Also, you are very snappy and rude right now."
"Wh- No! No, I'm not. What the fuck, Em?"
"You just snapped, sorry if I'm making it worse."
Amari let out a deep sigh, trying to breathe.
"I'm not a rude person, right?"
"No, you just aren't very well understood. Neither is anyone else, though." Emery changed that thought quickly. "Aside from like, Yronica. It's very understood she's a rude person and that you are just hurting."
"I'm not-" He paused, he kinda was. Maybe he did need to get drunk or something, it'd probably help. But alcohol was like impossible to get, yet Arlo could get medicine! Maybe he could get some pain meds to take. Yeahhh, totally legal and stuff. No crushing them or anything-
"Mari? You lost in there?" They put their index finger right on the center of his forehead. "Boop, back to Earth!" Amari quickly was flustered. He muttered a quick apology.
"What were you gonna say?"
"Dunno." Amari tapped his foot on the wood floors impatiently. Emery noticed and questioned him.
"Uh, what just shifted in your brain-" Amari cut him off.
"Can I be honest with you?"
Emery was caught off-guard.
"Always, however, were you not already honest?" He tilted his head.
"I really can't be sober right now. I might do something fucking stupid." He leaned his head into his hands. Emery froze slightly, he was always sort of uncomfortable when Amari was talking about his drug and alcohol problems, but he tried to listen and be considerate. They seemed scared.
"What do you mean?"
"I... Don't want to be sober. I don't think I can be." Amari swallowed thickly. "I need to get drunk or high or just... something."
Emery breathed in harshly before letting out a deep breath. "Can you do... it... as safely as possible, and let me watch you if you do anything? I don't think it's good to leave you alone right now, sober or not."
Amari looked up at Emery with a look of awe and adoration.
"You don't have to, I know it makes you uncomfortable."
"I'd feel more comfortable watching over you."
"Are you ... sure?" Amari frowned slightly and sat up. Naturally, Emery smiled at him.
"I'm sure, Mari." Amari sat up and hugged Emery again, leaving Emery a little shocked as he slowly wrapped their arms around Amari. Of course, he had a pang of doubt lingering in his stomach, but they were there for Amari regardless. Eventually, after melting against each other, Amari pulled away and smirked.
"Ready to go find some drugs?" Amari snorted slightly, and Emery cackled, covering their mouth with their hand. He took a minute to stop laughing but stood up and reached a hand out to help Amari walk, you know, due to the injuries to his feet.
Amari gladly accepted Emery's help, for once.
"Of course, let's begin the quest for drugs."
~~~
Emery awoke to the feeling of pure warmth, and it felt like he had had the best sleep ever.
They sat up slightly and realized the weight against their chest was a snoozing vagrant. His face turned red, but he smiled in a giddy manner and pulled Amari closer. They huddled closer to him, not wanting to have a single atom in their body to not be touching Amari.
Amari shuffled in his sleep, and for once he looked extremely peaceful, despite his eyebags. Emery took a minute to admire the wanderer's beautiful face, from his freckles to his eyelashes and everything else.
He loved the way Amari's eyes seemed dull and tired, but truly, deeply there was a bright spark of energy buried beneath the hazed-over brown irises. They loved Amari's hair, they loved that it was dyed a strange, muted, burgundy color from a dark and average color. They loved his lip piercing because from a distance it looked like a fang, yet it was just warm metal.
They loved his skin, the shade of olive it was, its unsmooth texture, and the freckles that danced across it very stealthily. They loved Amari's hands and how much he fidgeted with them, the way they were so rough from playing instruments, and his actions and choices. He realized, looking down at his sleepy roommate, right then and there, that he loved him. He loved Amari.