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“I miss Jake, I want to see Jake.” Sunghoon laments, back hunched from where he’s sitting on the chair, a position that would get one of his coaches to slap his back and tell him to straighten up. “I’m so worried about him.”
The writer clicks her pen, the only response she’s been giving him so far. He doesn’t blame her, there’s not much that she can say about this. Sunghoon barely even talks in the interviews and now the only moment he does is to whine about losing his best friend to the ground.
Well, two of them. Newly found friend and his actual best friend. But Jay is—well, Sunghoon trusts Jay. They already made a promise to each other that they’ll debut together and Jay wouldn’t break his promise. If any of them had to sell their souls to the devil just to make it come true then they would.
Jake is different. Sunghoon only got to know Jake in the show, they never had the chance to make stupid daring promises to each other yet. Also Jake is more pure, he wouldn’t sell his soul to the devil like Jay would. It’s not like Sunghoon doesn’t trust Jake to make it of course, but it’s not wrong for him to worry about Jake and miss his bright smile.
So yeah, maybe that was it. It’s not so much that Sunghoon is worried about Jake, he just misses him. Sunghoon got so used to Jake bumping shoulders with him, sneaking a smile in his direction whenever Sunghoon looks tired that it gets all his stress to melt away. Sunghoon had been so mentally dependent on Jake since the start of the show that having Jake taken away from him feels awful.
And Jake was taken away from him, ripped off like an extra sticky bandaid because it hurts. It’s just a stupid idol survival show but it always felt like their lives were at stake. Being sent to the ground means being completely separated from the rest. Sunghoon can’t even sneak out to see Jake—though he had considered it multiple times. He decided that didn’t want to risk any penalties from attempting it, plus he might get Jake into trouble too.
So Sunghoon chooses to trust Jake. He works hard, he’ll do well and find his way to Sunghoon again the same way Sunghoon trusts Jay to. Sunghoon isn’t the most patient man alive but he can wait if it’s for Jake. Still, it doesn’t stop him from angsting about it to the writers, hoping they’d find him pitiful enough to make an exemption and let him meet Jake just to say hi.
By the fifth ‘I wish I could see Jake’, the writer then asks Sunghoon, “What does Jake mean to you?”
Sunghoon thinks about what Jake is to him. His best friend? Might be too soon to say, they’ve only met each other. Jay is Sunghoon’s best friend and he loves Jay. What the two of them have is loyalty. Because at the end of the day Sunghoon can always go to Jay when everything else fails. But for Jake, Sunghoon just wants to be with him, the ups and the downs, Sunghoon wants to experience it all with him.
“I don’t know,” Sunghoon says after a minute of thinking. The writer clicks her pen again the way she gets when she’s getting impatient with him but it doesn’t help to give him any sense of urgency. “I just want to be with him.”
He misses Jake so badly.
The week passes by awfully slow. Practice is boring without Jake poking his sides trying to get a laugh out of him before screeching the moment Sunghoon so much raises a hand to tickle him as a revenge. Without Jake he can only hear his ragged breathing and the high pitched squeak of his shoes.
Sunghoon is used to practice, he’s done it all his life. The repetitiveness of it, anger slowly bubbling over from frustration when he can’t get something right. The cold hard ice on his knees, the strain of his muscles to keep himself upright, the brace and clench of his teeth before a fall. Practice is a chore, it’s something he has to do whether he likes it or not.
Sunghoon blows a strand of hair out of his face in annoyance. He’s only struggling because he can’t seem to focus. ‘You should do something about that temper of yours,’ he hears an old nagging voice at the back of his head, there since he was a child. ‘The angrier you are the more impatient you get.’
Of course he’s impatient, he wants to do better but his body won’t cooperate with him. Sunghoon kicks a water bottle in petulant anger.
Jake makes practicing fun. Without his laughter as a distraction Sunghoon is back slaving away in practice alone. Well, alone is an exaggeration. There’s Sunoo pulling on his arm, trying to get Sunghoon to do something more interesting than mope around. He tries to shoo him away and make him play with Jungwon instead though—well, Jungwon’s not faring any better than him.
At least having Jungwon and Kei wallow over Jay makes Sunghoon feel less bad for not thinking about his wellbeing as much. Jay is tough, though. He can take care of himself, Sunghoon ends up telling Jungwon this with a ruffle to his hair.
He feels bad for the kid. Jungwon had always been extra attached to the older members, and they all dote on him just as much because he listens so well. So Sunghoon toughens up, stops looking so pathetic and needy after sometime. Sunghoon can’t be Jay, but can still try to be someone that Jungwon can rely on.
The reveal day couldn’t come soon enough. Everyone’s loud, clapping each other on the shoulders in encouragement just to hide their own nerves, it shows from the way that they don’t waste any time to go to the room.
“I think it’s Jay hyung,” Jungwon says hopefully.
Sunghoon chuckles, smile not really reaching his eyes. He thinks he’s shaking a little. “Yeah, both J’s are going to make it.”
Of course Jake will be there, there’s absolutely no reason for him to not be there. They stand by the pod, looking smaller than Sunghoon remembers it to be the first time. Six left and only four will come back. Sunghoon clasps his hands together and presses them to his forehead.
There’s cheers, some noises of disappointment, but Sunghoon couldn’t bother to see who wasn’t there at the moment because the only thing that matters is Jake and he was there, grinning awkwardly, trying to be cheerful and proud but his eyes are glassy and his lips are shaking like he’s about to cry. Sunghoon couldn’t see anyone but him.
“I missed you.”
Jake rubs his eyes with a sleeve, laughing despite his tears and Sunghoon’s heart squeezes at the sight of it. He has missed Jake’s smile, Jake’s laughter, how well Jake fits in his arms. Sunghoon would never let go of him ever again. Sunghoon had to bite his cheek to stop himself from tearing up as well.
And Jay—of course he’s here. It’s impossible to not have him here. Sunghoon makes his way to Jay, slinging an arm over his shoulder and pulling him close. “Thought you were a goner,” Sunghoon jokes, both of them knowing full well Jay wouldn’t let it happen.
“You know it’s gonna take more than that to get rid of me.”
'Course, Sunghoon knows this better than anyone else.
Then it’s back to their honeymoon period—somewhat.
It’s too early for them to put their guards down again. That had only been the start, but for now they celebrate whoever that managed to come back. After a day of rest they’re all crowding around Jay’s bed, the enigma that he is that pulls everyone together, animatedly talking about how it was in the ground as if it was an actual life or death situation for him.
Jake is only laughing by the side, doesn’t really quip in with his own anecdotes. He might still be mentally exhausted from then. Sunghoon is staring too much, he knows. But can’t let Jake out of his sight, not when everything reminds him of the moment where the door started rotating, everyone trying to get their last goodbyes and Jake’s head was dropped like he’s defeated, not even looking at Sunghoon anymore in his final moments.
Sunghoon looks at the rowdy group, more trainees joining in the mess then nudges Jake by the shoulder.
“Wanna get out of here?”
Jake’s looking up from under his bangs, hair growing longer since the first day Sunghoon met him. It’s messy and it makes him look softer, more puppy-like. Jake glances at the others and for a second Sunghoon thought Jake was going to say no, but then he sneaks him a smile as if it’s a secret shared between them and nods quietly.
There’s not really anywhere they can go without being watched. The only place without cameras that they all crowd to after a bad day was the small laundry room so that’s where Sunghoon ends up pulling Jake into, both of them giggling like they’re cutting class for the first time.
(Not that Sunghoon would know what that felt like, he always had perfect attendance.)
There’s not much to do, they didn’t even bring a tablet to play around with. They could talk about what happened during the week but Sunghoon didn’t have anything to say, all he did was pout over Jake, and Sunghoon doubts Jake would want to remember what it was like being in the ground either.
So they just sat there in silence, sitting shoulder to shoulder, heads pressed together. It’s nice how they can enjoy each other’s companies even without a word, that even the silence is comforting. Sunghoon had yearned for this feeling, the one that he only found after getting to know Jake.
“I missed you, y’know.”
If Sunghoon were to turn to look at him right now he would go cross-eyed, their faces so close to one another.
Jake laughs. “I know, you keep saying it.”
“Well, yeah. Felt like I was losing my mind the longer I spent without you.”
Sunghoon’s playing with Jake’s lax hand, interlacing their fingers loosely and not really squeezing, wanting to hold his hand but still at the stage of feigning casualty to really commit to it. And it’s the fact that they’re not looking at each other that makes it easier for Sunghoon to say these things. Things like:
“I don’t think I can live without you anymore.”
It sounds too dramatic, a child-like statement that he can’t even be too sure of. He just met Jake, and he’s already thinking of growing old with him? Sunghoon isn’t some lovesick tween, making promises he can’t keep. But he’s so sure of this, the only other thing he’s sure of other than debuting together with Jay.
He thinks Jake is smiling but Sunghoon’s too embarrassed of his own confession to really check. Then he frowns, upset by the lack of response. Sunghoon finally turns to glare at him. “You’re not gonna say ‘me too’?”
“Why should I when you already know it?” Jake is grinning when he says this, cheeky and sweet and Sunghoon’s grinning back, mouth stretching his cheeks before he can stop himself.
Jake makes him feel so giddy, he wonders if Jake felt the same about him. Sunghoon’s heart stutters in his chest. Oh. He leans back, enough that it’s easier to look at Jake in the face.
“I think I..” Sunghoon trails off.
Jake looks at him curiously, doesn’t prod further, but doesn’t say anything to deter Sunghoon away either. It’s harder to say when Jake’s looking at him. Sunghoon tries his hardest to not meet Jake’s eyes, but staring at his lips doesn’t really make it any better. They’re slightly parted like he’s about to say something, but then his white teeth sinks into the bottom one, worrying his lip out of habit.
Jake sits there, waiting, giving Sunghoon all the time in the world. Maybe he’s just as confused or unsure. But Sunghoon started this, he should take responsibility of what happens next. And because he’s man enough to be honest with his feelings, Sunghoon finally leans in to press his mouth against Jake’s.
And Jake—Jake kisses back like he’s been waiting for this, or maybe he wasn’t, but decided to indulge Sunghoon anyway. He was always the type to go along with any of Sunghoon’s requests no matter how selfish. Jake was so nice, Sunghoon wanted to steal more of his kindness to himself.
They’re just resting their foreheads together, breathing into each other’s space, and Sunghoon leans back in so they can kiss again, and keep kissing like they’ve been starved of intimacy. Jake’s fingers are tangled in his hair and he tastes like mint and sugar. Sunghoon was honestly expecting a chaste kiss when he made that move, but you can’t really expect any less from touch starved teens.
It feels messy, all need and desperation from the way they’re trying to pull each other closer, Jake almost halfway on top of his lap at one point. Then Sunghoon’s pressing his knees under Jake’s legs and pushes his thighs apart to settle in between them and Jake’s back meets the cold hard tiles, head caged in between Sunghoon’s hands and—yeah, he could get used to this.
Jake’s hoodie is pulled low enough that Sunghoon can see that he’s flushed right down his chest. Sunghoon thinks he might be too, cheeks red hot like he’s in flames. They’re looking at each other again, gaining a moment of sobriety from the heat of whatever just happened.
Jake, of course, simply cracks a smile at him, cheeks as red as his bitten lips when he breathes out a, “Hi,” from where he’s lying under Sunghoon.
Cute. He’s so cute, even the mess of his hair fanning at the back of his head kind of makes it look like he has dog ears. Sunghoon thinks he might end up croaking something embarrassing if he were to talk so he leans down to press their lips together because it seems easier to do at that moment.
He holds himself up on his elbows but rests half of his weight on top of Jake anyway. He shouldn’t be crushing Jake under him but Sunghoon is too hooked on the heat of Jake’s mouth, licking the rows of his teeth and it’s until Jake absentmindedly rocks his hips against Sunghoon’s does he realise—shit. He’s so hard.
Sunghoon presses his hips down because it feels like the best course of action at the moment. He hears Jake muttering something that sounds like English and Sunghoon recognises a ‘fuck’ thrown in there too. That’s probably a good fuck, right?
Sunghoon has half a mind to wonder if he’s overwhelming Jake with this, Jake had always been too nice to say no. But his cock is hard, probably leaking in his briefs after sometime and Sunghoon presses down to feel Jake’s hard length against his again and—if Sunghoon feels good rutting against Jake like this then Jake should feel the same. Jake should want this too.
Sunghoon’s knees are screaming at him, the hard tile unforgiving even for his young joints but Jake raises his hips to meet Sunghoon and the discomfort doesn’t matter anymore—nothing matters more than the boy he has under him.
Sunghoon feels like he’s 14 again, rutting against his pillow and biting down his moans in an attempt to stay quiet except now he’s muffling his noises with Jake’s mouth, hot and wet sliding against his. It stopped feeling like a kiss since a few minutes ago, there’s too much tongue and teeth involved than a kiss should have. Sunghoon feels like he’s trying to eat Jake up alive.
His mind is filled with Jake, Jake, Jake—he wants to run his hands all over him, but he wants to cup Jake’s face even more, holding him still and kissing him breathless. Rutting his cock against Jake feels good but kissing Jake felt amazing. Feeling how wet his mouth is, how warm, Sunghoon doesn’t think he can go back from this. He’s addicted for life. He wasn’t lying when he said he can’t live without Jake anymore.
Sunghoon wants—he needs to have more. Pushes himself up to sit on his knees, gaze immediately locked at the sliver of Jake’s skin, hoodie riding up his stomach slightly. Sunghoon slides a palm under it, wants to feel for just a bit and Jake squirms, body twisting with a giggle and complaining that it tickles, Sunghoon-ah, stop.
Sunghoon thinks his cheeks are going to cramp up from grinning, fighting Jake’s hands and trying to feel more of his skin at the same time, play-fighting like it’s something innocent when Sunghoon is about to suffer from blue balls.
“Okay, okay,” Jake says, settling down as if they’re back to being adults now and Sunghoon’s the one playing around. His hoodie is already pushed halfway over his lean stomach, boyish and tan under Sunghoon’s pale hands. He pauses when his fingers reaches Jake’s waistband.
“You okay?”
“Uh huh,” Jake responds, voice distant like he’s not really thinking about it.
Jake is so easygoing, he’s so accepting of everything. And actually—why is Jake so chill about this?
“Why are you so chill about this,” Sunghoon asks, a bit hysterical in his approach. It’s too good to be true. He thinks he’s about to wake up from a wet dream instead, or someone’s going to come out of hiding with a ‘gotcha!’, like some hidden camera prank to make him think that Jake wanted to see his dick.
“… I dunno,” Jake says, he looks embarrassed now that he’s getting questioned like this, trying to pull the collar of his hoodie up to hide his face. “I just trust you a lot.”
“Oh.” Sunghoon almost wanted to apologise. He’s made it awkward now after getting Jake more conscious about what they’re getting into. But Jake balls a fist and punches his shoulder lightly.
“C’mon,” Jake whines softly, pulling on his shirt now while half of his face is still hidden. “Why’d you stop.”
“Oh,” Sunghoon says again like a broken record. Jake really wants this too, probably as bad as him. Sunghoon feels that giddiness tickling his heart again, he’d even kick his legs if he could. “Okay. Okay, then I’ll—“
Sunghoon’s not the greatest narrator. He wasn’t about to say that he’ll continue his exploration on Jake’s body, silly as it sounds but it’s serious to him. But even if he’s the type to abruptly end his words Jake still likes him then it’s okay, Sunghoon at least found someone who doesn’t find him difficult to deal with.
Jake lifts his butt up, helpful despite his embarrassment, and Sunghoon pulls his joggers down along with his briefs and yep—that’s a dick, alright.
Nothing crazy that Sunghoon isn’t used to seeing. But it’s Jake, the entirety of him, seeing him bare and Sunghoon had always wanted to know Jake inside out. But Jake is hiding his face behind his hoodie and that’s not very fair. Sunghoon’s just as embarrassed but he doesn’t get to hide like a maiden.
“Stop hiding, I’ll show you mine too,” Sunghoon says like they’re in primary school exchanging secrets.
That seems to convince Jake, finally pulling his hoodie down a little and Sunghoon can see his signature pout. Sunghoon grins, briefly forgetting the reality that he needs to pull his pants down. Oh wow, this is embarrassing after all.
But Sunghoon’s also too hard to care right now, thankfully. He shimmies his own joggers down, hisses when he finally gets his hard cock out in the cold air. He lines their lengths together and Jake turns away, again too embarrassed to look but at least his body is more honest, not flagging even a little from the attention.
This is fine, Sunghoon thinks. He’s a bit in a daze, doesn’t know where to go from here. He can do whatever he likes with Jake right now, the boy giving him free will but there’s not really much that he can do, anyway. So Sunghoon stops thinking with his brain and lets his dick do the manoeuvring.
And again, Sunghoon is so painfully hard since minutes ago. He really needed this. Just a hand around his hard cock felt enough, but he needs to cater to Jake too, tries to grip around both of them at the same time. It’s nothing magical, not a vice grip he’s looking for but it’s Jake against him, lying under him, taking a sharp inhale once Sunghoon starts moving his hand.
“It’s—dry,” Jake chokes out, voice rough since Sunghoon had kissed it out of him.
There’s nothing that Sunghoon can do about it, really. Sunghoon’s already used to getting himself off in the shower with just water even though it’s a bad lubricant, rubbing himself raw at times under the covers too because he’s a tough boy. Jake can be so delicate at times, but maybe Sunghoon should take care of these little things more if he wants to be with Jake.
“Uh,” Sunghoon says intelligently, all blood rushed to his dick and none left in his brain. He tries to think for Jake’s sake anyway. “I don’t think there’s any lube around here but I can try to find—”
Jake’s hand blindly reaches for his and Sunghoon’s first thought was that Jake wanted to hold it, letting go of their lengths and naturally tries to lace their fingers together but then Jake pulls it up and towards his mouth, lips parting and oh, oh—he’s wrapping his lips around Sunghoon’s fingers, the digits sliding along the length of his tongue and Sunghoon swallows heavily at the sight of it, curls his fingers too just to press down a little and feel the give of the muscle.
Sunghoon doesn’t understand how Jake is so shy and yet so strangely bold at times. He’s dizzy from Jake’s pace, he can never guess what Jake has in store. And now Sunghoon has a boy sucking on his fingers and his cock has never been harder in his entire life.
When Jake pops his fingers out, he then grins at Sunghoon boyishly like he’s proud of himself, mouth so, so red and lips shiny with spit. Sunghoon felt like he was actually going to combust. Jake drives him crazy. He wants to kiss Jake so badly.
“Great,” Sunghoon manages to croak out. He’d give Jake a thumbs up too if he wasn’t worried his hands were shaking.
It’s still on the dry side when he wraps his hand around their cocks again, having to make do with Jake’s saliva and their precum. Sunghoon had to physically strain himself to not come immediately, the moment he feels Jake shuddering when Sunghoon swipes a thumb over his leaking head.
He tries his best to wrap his long bony fingers around both of their lengths again, finding a rhythm that fits Jake who can’t stay still, he’s so squirmy. Not to say that Sunghoon is doing any better. He’s twisting his hand absentmindedly, not really one for multitasking because he’s too focused on rutting his length against Jake’s instead of jacking them both off, rolling his hips with the skill that can rival Heeseung.
He thinks Jake is whining because he’s close, or because it’s a bit too dry again. Whichever it is. Jake is so noisy he’s going to get them both caught, Sunghoon considers muffling Jake with his fingers again. It was Jake’s idea and ultimately his fault if Sunghoon won’t be able to stop thinking about his mouth even more than usual after this.
He had to do suck on Sunghoon’s fingers for their convenience, but maybe it’d glide easier if there was more of Jake’s spit. Maybe they need a direct application. He wonders if Jake would—
“Ha—ah,” Jake gasps when Sunghoon unconsciously grips them tighter, clumsily fucking his hips through the grip and matching Jake’s pace. “Sunghoon-ah, feels—hnn, feels good.”
He feels a jolt of electricity shot through his body, shuddering at the sound of his name. Sunghoon was making Jake feel good. He feels Jake’s legs squeeze around him, and hisses when one of Jake’s heels press against a sore spot at the back of his waist. Jake even makes pain feel good, or maybe Sunghoon’s already at the point of no saving, he’d love anything if it involves Jake.
Jake’s biting the back of his hand, trying to muffle his own noises, head thrown back and Sunghoon’s teeth feel itchy too with the need to bite down too, he wants to feel the give of Jake’s skin under the sharpness of his teeth. They say when you spend too much time with someone you find yourself copying their habits, maybe Sunghoon’s just getting Jake’s oral fixation now.
“Close?” Sunghoon pants out.
“Nn,” Jake tries to nod, eyebrows furrowed when he tries to look up at Sunghoon in his daze. Jake then reaches up to twist his fingers into Sunghoon’s shirt, pulling him closer and he thinks Jake is trying to get Sunghoon’s weight on him again. It’s tempting, and Sunghoon wants to kiss Jake so badly but for now he just wants to see Jake come undone.
Sunghoon’s mouth is open in his concentration, he’s close too but he’s too distracted by Jake’s face, watching how his lower lip goes white from how hard he’s biting down with his teeth, gnawing and sucking onto his lip and his eyes are squeezed shut, head thrown back when he finally comes.
Sunghoon is obsessed, he can never go back from this. The image of Jake already imprinted onto the back of his eyelids even when he’s panting, trying to keep his eyes open to keep watching Jake, taking in his messy hair, his flushed cheeks and wet lashes, blinking up blearily at Sunghoon.
Oh, Jake is snaking a hand down to wrap it around Sunghoon’s grip around his cock, tongue slightly stuck out in his focus and Sunghoon is gone immediately, spilling into their hands and adding into the mess on Jake’s stomach.
Shit. He really wants another kiss.
Before then, Sunghoon needs to get off his knees. He can have a lapful of Jake in the comfort of their beds later.
“Oops,” Jake says, face more mischievous than he is remorseful when he raises the bottom of his hoodie to show Sunghoon the stain he found there. “Good thing we’re already in the laundry room.”
He doesn’t know how Jake has already recovered and achieved post-nut clarity. Sunghoon feels like he’s still floating in a dream.
“You’re so cute,” Sunghoon breathes out, his thoughts just spilling out of his mouth now. Completely unfiltered but it’s okay since they already went past the third base. “Just like a puppy.”
That one came right from his heart. But Sunghoon’s tongue is starting to feel too heavy for his mouth. He thinks he’ll start drooling a little too if he keeps this up. Sunghoon might also be turning into a dog. Love is strange, Sunghoon decides. It really does give you each others’ habits.
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