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Cheng Xiaoshi knows Lu Guang like he knows himself.
From his half smiles to his aloof, seemingly impenetrable exterior; to the way he hides from interrogation through deflection, despite the smallest sliver of emotion betraying him every time. From the way he tilts his head when he's deep in thought; to the curve of his palm as he slides a tired hand over his face, down his nose, and along the slope of his grimacing lips. From the softest strands of snow falling around his ears; to that lovely, solemn expression set upon his flushed cheeks, dark gray eyes smoldering and mouth parted to devour all and any words with a kiss.
He's tasted him there, and in other places, committing each sensation to memory with the press of his body, the curl of his tongue, and the sighing whispers against his ear like cold, bitter, sweet nothings. He's had him here, and everywhere, within every empty space and every tiny crevice of their lives together, whether they're taking each other apart or slowly, painfully, reassembling the shattered pieces of their relationship again.
He's wanted him from the beginning of their journey together, and he wonders if Lu Guang has wanted him even longer -- even before.
Because he holds Cheng Xiaoshi delicately, but fearfully, and he clings to him with an embrace that speaks so heavily of remembrance, desperation, and yearning. To which Cheng Xiaoshi can't help but return with an equal amount of anguish.
"What's wrong?" That night, he asks again, in his head and aloud, a murmur to white, lips to a pair of blushed red, trailing higher to clear away the illusion of liquid beneath those pained, lidded eyes. "What're you thinking about?"
And tonight, like every other night, Lu Guang tries to evade him.
Instead of answering, he tightens his grip on Cheng Xiaoshi at the same time he convulses, hard and deliberate, around him. Leaving him breathless with a shock of pleasure, shot straight into his veins like a hit. He shuts his eyes and brings his forehead closer to the raven's. "I'm fine. Don't worry about me."
Cheng Xiaoshi hates how Lu Guang deflects, distracts... detaches. Even when he's buried so deeply inside of him no one else can ever stake a claim to him like Cheng Xiaoshi has, Lu Guang always finds a way to desensitize himself to the experience. Even when he's trembling and panting against the crook of Cheng Xiaoshi's neck, composure crumbling with each thrust, each kiss, each word of devotion imprinted upon his skin, he finds a way to distance himself from Cheng Xiaoshi -- from the both of them.
But Cheng Xiaoshi knows him like he knows himself. And he never lets him drift too far.
"Hmm." He mouths at the other's lower lip, urging him to open. "I always worry about you." Quiet whispers, sweet, bitter kisses into a welcoming, gasping warmth. Slow and steady, he takes Lu Guang with his entirety, holding his hands tight as he falls deeper into him. "Just like you always worry about me." His eyes are cast low, glinting brightly in the darkness as he gazes down at his partner with a small smile. "Isn't that right, Lu Guang?"
Lu Guang is warm and hot, hot and cold, a combination of confusing and exasperating. A mystery he's attempting to unravel piece by piece. A hidden darkness he's resolved to overcome, to change, that day when he first discovered his secret, long ago.
You've saved me countless times before. It's my turn, isn't it?
Wide gray eyes gaze up at him longingly, achingly, frustratingly stubborn, intense and absolute. "Idiot," Lu Guang mumbles between a quivering sigh, a hitched breath, a shudder and a clench. "Why--would I worry about you?"
Cheng Xiaoshi laughs, running his touch over pale, delicate skin, enjoying the other's visceral reaction as he slides down his neck to his bared chest, fingers skimming lower to wrap around the base of his hard, wet flesh. Lu Guang shivers, eyes lidded with pleasure, head falling back and mouth parted, vulnerable and exposed for all the world to see. Except, it's only Cheng Xiaoshi who ever gets to see.
This -- beneath the glazed illumination of a muted moon, a person who usually hides the emotions now displayed so vividly across his features; a person who holds onto him so feverishly, but so fearfully, even as he's desperate to return the fingers grasped within his own. This person - who stares into his eyes like he's an inescapable abyss; who refuses to part ways with him despite the future consequences of their partnership; who has always known Cheng Xiaoshi just as well as Cheng Xiaoshi knows him - is all his.
You're mine.
Across the expanse of those red-bitten lips, against the familiarity of that warm, pliant body, he fills every last bit of Lu Guang.
In every timeline.
His voice is fond yet rueful when he whispers, "Silly Lu Guang." He watches those somber eyes soften, achingly so, unblinking, intense and absolute. "You don't have to worry about me. Really."
Because it's my turn now.