Work Text:
“Not even a single argument?”
Soobin looks up from his food and nods, a little proud to admit that he has no issues with Beomgyu. They had started dating exactly 11 months and 19 days ago (Soobin was keeping count since he knew Beomgyu liked remembering important dates. This one time, Soobin returned to the dorms to find Beomgyu lying in his bed, a laptop on the bedside table and a bunch of snacks. He was wearing his comfiest clothes and looked so excited, telling Soobin how it had been exactly a year since he had watched Hotel Del Luna and that he wanted to celebrate his one year by rewatching it with Soobin. Soobin had spent the entire afternoon dozing off between scenes, but Beomgyu didn’t seem to mind, laying his head on Soobin’s shoulder and loading up the next episode even when he started snoring.) In all those 11 months and 19 days since, they had not had a single problem (“yet,” Yeonjun always says with a knowing smile).
It wasn’t like there were never any issues between them. Besides the handful of times that they had argued before debuting, once Beomgyu had eaten all of the pudding Soobin had stacked their fridge with and yeah, sure, that made his blood boil a little (because that was his pudding), but the look on Beomgyu’s face after he finished eating drained all the anger out of him. His cheeks were filled with pudding, the spoon held up mid-air with the last piece on it. He stared at Soobin with wide eyes, the look he always gave when he got caught doing something wrong, as it was only then he realised Soobin had gotten them for himself. Before Beomgyu could splutter out an apology, Soobin took the spoon from his hand and fed him the last bite, calling him cute. The others said he was too weak when it came to Beomgyu. He didn’t mind.
There was another time when Soobin had read the lyrics Beomgyu had written for their next album without the younger knowing. In all honesty, Soobin thought he was allowed to read them, especially since Beomgyu had left his phone with the notes app open on his bed. But then Beomgyu came back with a glass of water and saw Soobin reading them and almost burst into tears. Not familiar with Beomgyu crying, Soobin awkwardly wrapped his arms around him, patting his back in the hope that it would help him stop. Eventually, after sobbing directly into Soobin’s shirt, Beomgyu pulled back and gave him a small smile, telling him that those were lyrics that had been rejected. It took him a second to realise before he started apologising profusely. In the end, Beomgyu accepted his apology and they moved past it.
So, overall, they never really had problems.
“It’s been like, a year. I’m impressed,” Taehyun says, nodding along with Soobin, who just smiles in return. Taehyun was the first to know about their relationship, having been the only member to witness them confessing. He had only made his presence known after Beomgyu hugged Soobin by snorting at the sight. He congratulated them before disappearing off to his room.
“Not for long,” Yeonjun says, appearing from behind Taehyun. He drops himself onto the sofa next to Taehyun and plants an obnoxious kiss on his cheek, earning a groan from not only Soobin but Taehyun himself. “Don’t you remember how our honeymoon phase went? No issues until they finally built up and then—”
“Then we broke up, I was heartbroken, you stopped talking to me. The members all found it super awkward to walk on eggshells around us and then—” Yeonjun quickly covers Taehyun’s mouth and pouts.
“Anyway! What I’m saying is, Soobin and Beomgyu are probably going to reach the end of their honeymoon phase soon, I can feel it in my bones.”
Soobin rolls his eyes. Although the members had been supportive of their relationship, Yeonjun liked pretending to be that older brother who knew exactly what was going to happen. And yet he hated being called old. “How are you so sure? Maybe we’re just never going to get out of it, huh?”
He watches with narrowed eyes as Taehyun and Yeonjun share a knowing look, something they always seem to do nowadays when Soobin talks to them about Beomgyu. “When you reach my age, you’ll understand where I’m coming from.”
“You’re just a little over a year older than me, and Tyun’s younger.”
“Tsk, tsk,” Taehyun says as he shakes his head. “Once you reach that stage of your relationship you’ll get it.”
Soobin raises an eyebrow at the strangely synchronised nodding of the couple opposite him and shudders. “Is this how Beomgyu and I will be after being together for a few years?”
“That’s if you last,” Yeonjun yelps when Taehyun smacks his arm.
“Don’t listen to him, Hyung. I’m sure you and Beomgyu hyung will be fine. Just talk things out as soon as any problem happens, okay?”
But Soobin’s sure nothing will happen. He and Beomgyu are happy. Full of love.
-
On the day Soobin confessed, he had come home to a quiet dorm, stumbling over the pile of shoes Yeonjun probably forgot to take back to his room. It wasn’t always this quiet, someone would be lazing around in the living room, either the TV would be playing a drama or munching some dinner away while a hushed conversation was happening. The only times it was this quiet was when there wasn’t anyone home or if everyone was asleep.
Soobin guessed they went out.
He was the only one who had been called in that evening, a small meeting discussing some schedules that seemed to clash due to misunderstandings. Soobin had called Taehyun just an hour before to ask about something and the younger sounded like he was in a rush. Probably getting ready to leave.
Soobin walked past the empty unlit living room and was about to head to his room, ready to quickly shower and hit the bed when he heard a faint, “Soobin hyung?” from behind. He spun around and squinted in the dark to see Beomgyu lying on the sofa, his phone barely lighting his face up. “You’re finally home.”
“Yeah, finally,” Soobin laughed dryly, shrugging his jacket off. “Why are you up this late?”
While they both knew that Beomgyu was an insomniac, he wouldn’t spend his nights in the living room, saying that it’s too chilly there and that he would rather spend it in the comfort of his bed (Soobin shared the sentiment). So to find him on the sofa, not a blanket in sight, the TV switched off, curtains pulled shut, and with the lights off; it was a bit concerning, to say the least.
Beomgyu sat up and covered his eyes when Soobin turned the light on. “You were taking a long time and no one was home. Didn’t want to sleep with no one home.”
“Have you eaten?” Soobin asked as he took a seat next to him.
“Yeah, you?” Beomgyu shuffled closer to him and his head perfectly fit upon Soobin's shoulder.
Soobin hummed in agreement before closing his eyes. It had been a long day, with him spending the entire afternoon in practice and then the evening going back and forth between event organisers, all he really wanted to do was climb into bed and sleep, but from the way Beomgyu was playing with the end of his sleeve, he could tell the younger wanted to talk. And Soobin was willing to sacrifice anything for Beomgyu’s comfort.
“What’s up?” Soobin decided to get straight to the point. Beomgyu never liked beating around the bush anyway. All the members preferred different ways of having conversations, with Taehyun wanting time and space so he could come and start the talk and Kai wanting Soobin to come first and soothe him into talking. Yeonjun was the same as Soobin, you had to force it out of him before he drowned himself in his concerns.
“It’s nothing big, really,” Beomgyu said, fidgeting even more when Soobin opened his eyes and turned to stare at him. “Just, was thinking.”
“About?”
“Work?” It came out more as a question and they both looked at each other confused before Soobin urged him to continue by patting his thigh. “You stayed back today.”
“I stayed back, yeah. What about it?”
It wasn’t like that was anything new and neither was it something only Soobin experienced. Just the other day, Beomgyu had been called back for a project they wanted to work on with him. So, it wasn’t like it was the first time it had happened. Sure, it was tiring and Soobin wished that they wouldn't ask him to stay back for extra hours and instead just talk to him about certain things (easy ones, like when they were telling him off for mentioning another idol who was promoting at the same time as them on live) over text. But it wasn't so bad.
“This is the sixth time this month, Hyung, and we're not even halfway through it yet,” Beomgyu answered with worry heavy in his voice. His brows furrowed in concern as he raised his hand to Soobin’s arm. “You always go in before the rest of us and come home after us.”
“It’s always been like that, Gyu. Don’t worry about it.” And Soobin truly meant it. Since it had been something he had faced since their debut days, and even sometimes before, Soobin had gotten into the routine of having to get through longer days at work.
“Well, that’s not something you should be used to,” Beomgyu grumbled, frown deepening when Soobin smiled at him. “I’m being serious here, Soobin, don't smile.”
“I know, I just find you really cute.”
Beomgyu’s eyes widened slightly and he pursued his lips before doubling down. “Listen here, Choi Soobin,” he started and Soobin had to force himself to not smile any wider. Beomgyu always used his full name when trying to appear mad and intimidate him, but it had the complete opposite effect. “Either you tell them to stop calling you every other day, or I will.”
“You will? Oh, my saviour, Beomgyu!” Soobin joked, throwing himself over the younger, who tried tickling him in retaliation. “How kind of you to offer yourself as a sacrifice to protect me.”
“Hyung,” Beomgyu whined, pushing him back enough for them to be able to look at each other. “I'm being serious though, okay? It's not healthy for you to sleep barely 2-3 hours a day and then spend the remaining hours of the day at work.”
“I understand, Gyu,” Soobin said, patting his head as he felt a wave of affection wash over him. Beomgyu was always looking out for them, something Soobin loved mentioning to the fans, but they'd never be able to live through it. And Soobin wasn't willing to share.
“What?” Beomgyu asked after Soobin stared at him for a second too long. Beomgyu's eyes searched his, waiting for something that Soobin was too afraid to say out loud. He had said it only once and that was to Taehyun, who had coaxed him into admitting to it, reminding him that if he was to ever say the words to Beomgyu, he would be there to support him.
He never planned to; it was too risky. They were meant to be an inseparable group and confessing to Beomgyu could cause a rift between them, ruining the entire dynamic of the group. Soobin never wanted his feelings to affect the group, ever.
And yet, as he continued staring at Beomgyu, endeared by the way the younger raised his hands to Soobin's face in an attempt to stop him from staring, he felt as though he could say the words comfortably.
“Beomgyu-yah,” Soobin started, his heart beating fast enough to beat out of his chest. He took Beomgyu's hand in his own and brought it to his chest, feeling a smile itch onto his face at the way the younger's eyes followed the motion. “Ah, what to do? I love you so much that my heart feels like it's going to burst.”
Beomgyu pressed his hand on his chest and stared in awe before turning to Soobin, his cheeks a rosy shade. “You really can't live without me, huh?”
“Really.”
Soobin grabbed his hand and tugged him into a hug, arms wrapping around Beomgyu’s smaller body as he tightened his embrace. “I really love you, Beomgyu.”
“I love you too, Hyung. Always have, always will.”
-
“Hyung,” Beomgyu calls out from the entrance, kicking his shoes off in the general direction of the shoe stand and tucking his feet into the slippers Soobin had laid out for him. “Hyung.”
Soobin takes his glasses off and puts them on his nightstand alongside his phone. He watches as Beomgyu shuffles across his door before taking a few steps back and peering through his door frame. He has a frown on his face as he walks over, collapsing into Soobin’s outstretched arms.
“Hyung,” Beomgyu mumbles against his chest, squirming around until he finally wraps all his limbs around Soobin.
“Mhm?”
“I’m so tired,” he answers, picking at the blanket by their feet to pull it over them, a small smile forming on his face as Soobin drags them down the bed to rest his head on the pillow. “I dropped coffee on myself earlier.”
Soobin sniffs at his hair, running his fingers through the sticky strands and gets hit by the strong scent of coffee. Sighing, he says, “How exactly did this happen? Did you slip?”
“I put my cup on the table, accidentally dropped my phone, reached down to pick it up, hit my head on the table, and coffee spilt on me,” Beomgyu says all this with the corner of his lips downturned. He whines when Soobin stops petting his hair but then quietens when he tucks his head back onto his chest. “The managers all saw it happen.”
“Did they help?”
“No!” Beomgyu exclaims, pushing his head out of Soobin’s grip to sit up straight. “They just watched the coffee spill everywhere. It was on my phone, in my hair, on the table, on the floor!”
Soobin coos and caress his face. “Did they laugh at poor Beomie?”
“Don’t laugh at me right now, Choi Soobin. I will fight you,” Beomgyu responds, his brows gathered together, lips pursed into a pout. Beomgyu was always like this, but Soobin found him cute regardless. The members always teased Soobin, saying that he quietly took all of Beomgyu's anger, but the reality was that Beomgyu rarely ever actually got mad. Sure, there were times when he would huff and puff and look the other way, ignoring Soobin, but that wouldn’t last any longer than a few minutes. Arguably, Beomgyu was just as weak when it came to Soobin.
“Anyway,” Beomgyu says, giving up on glaring at Soobin to fall back onto the bed with him. “How was your day, any better than mine?”
“I was telling Taehyun about how we’ve never fought and Hyung said that soon we would.”
“Yeonjun hyung?” Beomgyu asks, to which Soobin nods. “Oh, then it doesn't matter what he says.” This gets a laugh out of Soobin. “His relationship has been through so much and he never handled it well. He probably has no idea what he’s talking about, I mean, did you see how he handled the tiny argument he had with Kai the other day?”
“I guess.” While Yeonjun and Taehyun were probably not the best examples of how a relationship should be, it still got Soobin thinking. He never truly knew what happened between them, since Taehyun didn’t want to tell anyone what was going on as he claimed it was something ‘Yeonjun hyung had to figure out on his own’. Regardless, seeing the two argue and yet still make it all work out in the end, made him think that maybe arguments were not always something to avoid.
Whenever he had any sort of build-up to an argument with Beomgyu, the two of them would immediately drop it. It was an unspoken rule between them that they were not to drag out any fights (or rather, build up to potential fights). The start was from when they were roommates and they realised that being mad at each other was not productive, especially since they would have to wake up together, go to work together, spend the entire day together, and then sleep in the same bunk bed. It wasn’t ideal to keep fighting. While he knew that wasn’t the best idea—Soobin bases this off how his parents had a rough patch during their relationship from their lack of communication—nothing incredibly wrong had happened in their relationship yet. They were happy, small issues came up but they weren’t avoidable. They were happy.
“For now,” Beomgyu brings the blanket to his chin and lets out a deep breath. “How about we nap for a bit?”
“We have a schedule in an hour and a half, also you need to shower.” Soobin laughs when Beomgyu stuffs his face into the blanket before groaning. “Beoms, you’re making my sheets dirty, come on. It’s only a matter of two more hours till you can sleep.”
“Soobin-ah,” Beomgyu says softly, peeking out of the blanket. Soobin almost thinks he’s won this time when Beomgyu flicks his forehead. “Wake me up in an hour.”
They were happy.
-
“So,” Yeonjun slumps down next to him a few days later while they’re taking a 15-minute break during a dance lesson. They both panting as they take turns taking big sips from their water bottles. “Have you and Beomgyu fought yet?”
“It almost sounds like you’re waiting for something bad to happen to us, Hyung,” Soobin says, giving Yeonjun a stink eye.
The older of the two muffles a laugh. “I’m not, I’m not. I’m simply predicting the inevitable. Everyone goes through their honeymoon phase where they think nothing could ever go wrong, and then baam! Out of nowhere, issues start building up and you begin to argue over the tiniest things, and that gets you thinking if everything was worth it. The small things in life that made you happy, like eating food together, or watching TV, or playing games, all of this became mundane.”
“Is that what happened between you and Taehyun?” Soobin finds himself asking, unintentionally sidestepping everything he had said in favour of his curiosity winning.
Yeonjun pauses and shakes his head. “Not exactly. Sure, Taehyunnie found my going out with friends every other night annoying once we started dating, he also didn’t like how I would prolong chores, but that wasn’t the main reason behind our breakup. It still played a part, though.”
Soobin wasn’t sure how this would all play out between Beomgyu and him. They both like doing chores together since it would make them more tolerable. Soobin would wash the dishes while Beomgyu would put them away. They would put music on in the background, singing along as if they were at a karaoke bar and ignore the complaints they’d get from the other members. By the end of the day, Soobin would be tired and looking forward to getting a good night's rest, but then Beomgyu would call him and he’d end up spending hours on the phone with him as if they hadn’t just spent the entire day together. It never bothered Soobin, especially not when he’d end the day listening to Beomgyu’s sleepy mumbles.
“Listen,” Yeonjun says once they’re picking themselves up from the floor. He brushes off the dust from his butt and smacks Soobin’s while he’s at it. “There’s a very slight chance that nothing ever happens, that you guys stay happy with no problems, or whatever. But it’s not a bad thing to argue, okay? It’s best to get things off your chest than bottle it in and let them fester.”
“I’m just a little worried,” Soobin confesses, feeling like a weight had lifted off his chest. He hadn’t even considered arguing with Beomgyu before Yeonjun and Taehyun spoke about it. “What if we end up fighting but since we’ve never had a proper fight since we started dating, what if we don’t know how to handle it? And then Beomgyu gets mad at me and then I have no idea how to calm him down and then I get mad and don’t calm down and then we’re both mad and no one’s calm—”
Yeonjun grabs Soobin’s arm and forces him to turn around and face him. “Woah, woah. Calm down, Lover boy. Breathe.” Yeonjun takes a few deep breaths with him before continuing. “Stop thinking about it. Forget it, like I said, there’s a chance nothing ever happens. And I’m confident that if anything does happen, the two of you will solve it easily. You’re not like Taehyun and I.”
“But what if—”
“No, what if’s,” Yeonjun cuts him off. “Now, focus on the lesson.”
Soobin reluctantly follows him to the middle of the practice room. He catches Beomgyu’s eyes in the mirror and immediately looks away, feeling a little on edge. Throughout the lesson, Soobin feels Beomgyus burning holes into the back of his head but tries his best to ignore it.
Yeonjun had said it was best to forget about it, and that’s exactly what Soobin was going to do.
-
Except that doesn’t last very long. On their trip back to the dorms, Soobin could tell the maknaes were up to something, whispering amongst themselves while stealing glances at him. As soon as they make it through the door, Soobin finds himself sandwiched between them as they drag him through the hallway and into his room.
“Quick, shower and meet in the living room in 10.”
“10?” Soobin exclaims, following them out as he complains about how he needs more time to shower.
“10 or none. Your choice,” Taehyun responds, smiling at him sweetly before disappearing into his room to collect his clothes.
Mumbling under his breath about how it was unfair of them to put such a short time limit over his shower, Soobin makes his way back to his room when Beomgyu stops him.
“Hyung,” he starts quietly, aware that Yeonjun was still putting his shoes away at the entrance. “Is everything alright? You look a bit unwell.”
Soobin forces a smile on his face and nods, not wanting Beomgyu to worry about him. Plus, what if he ends up mad that Soobin is thinking about the million different ways they could end up arguing and mess up the perfect relationship they have between them? Then it would just prove Yeonjun right, that it was inevitable that a fight would occur. “It’s nothing, don’t worry.”
Beomgyu frowns at that, his lips twitching downwards but all he does is sigh as he takes a step back. “Okay I’ll,” he pauses to give Soobin a long look, searching for something on his face. “I’ll see you in the living room, in 10, don’t forget.”
“Yeah, yeah, go away.”
After a short shower, Soobin dries his hair as he hears the members complaining that he was going over his time (it had only been 2 minutes over the 10-minute mark) from the living room.
“Have some patience,” Soobin grumbles when he walks out, making a face at Kai who shakes his head in disapproval. Soobin looks around the room and chews the inside of his cheek when he notices the only space left for him is either next to Yeonjun or Beomgyu. He pointedly ignores the confused noise Beomgyu makes when he walks past him and takes a seat next to Yeonjun, who has the same confused look on his face. “Why’d you force me to take a shower so quickly? What’s the occasion?”
Taehyun walks into the room (late, but no one says anything to him, Soobin notes) and blinks in confusion at the seating arrangement before falling into the seat beside Beomgyu. “Movie night. You always sit out on these because you’re always tired.”
“I’m tired now too,” Soobin comments but it flies over everyone's heads as they start discussing movie options. He rolls his eyes and takes out his phone to pull out the list he had of the movies he wanted to watch. As he scrolls a notification pops up and he freezes.
choi beomgyu
why didn’t you sit next to me??
He looks up from his phone to see Beomgyu staring at him. Beomgyu raises his phone slightly and points at it before nodding his head at Soobin, gesturing him to answer.
choi soobin hyung
i like this sofa more
its comfier
choi beomgyu
thats never stopped you from sitting with me on this sofa
is there something wrong?
you’ve been avoiding me since yesterday
did hyung say something to you
choi soobin hyung
what does yeonjun hyung have to do with this?
choi beomgyu
you’ve been talking to him a lot more than usual
a lot more than you’ve been talking to me
him and taehyun
Soobin raises an eyebrow at that. He had been speaking to the couple a lot more, sure, but not more than how much he spoke to Beomgyu. The phone calls they had every couple of days were still happening, it wasn’t as if Soobin had completely shut him out either and he wasn’t really ignoring the younger.
choi soobin hyung
are you jealous lol
choi beomgyu
why would i be jealous
i’m just saying you seem a bit off
especially since last week
Since Soobin had spoken to Taehyun and Yeonjun last week. He thought he was doing a pretty good job and pretending that nothing was wrong, but clearly, Beomgyu could tell.
choi beomgyu
tell me honestly
is everything okay???
choi soobin hyung
yeah
everythings fine
i was just talking to hyung and tyun about stuff that was on my mind recently
That doesn’t seem like the right thing to say since Beomgyu stops typing whatever it was that he was typing to look up and glare at Soobin.
choi soobin hyung
what what
why do you look so pissed
choi beomgyu
you can talk to hyung and taehyun about things on your mind but not me?
choi soobin hyung
its not like that
choi beomgyu
even earlier when we came home
when i asked you if you were alright you brushed me off
choi soobin
i’ve known you for so long
you really think i can’t tell when you’re feeling down
or when you’re lying?
“Are you guys fighting over text?” Soobin snaps his head up to look at Taehyun, who is staring at him with wide eyes. Kai looks between the two and repeats the question.
“Is it finally happening?” Yeonjun mutters beside him and Soobin feels like turning to him and smacking his arm, but the question has him frozen.
“We aren’t fighting,” Beomgyu answers first, dropping his phone on his lap.
“Then why were you typing so aggressively and constantly glaring at Soobin hyung?” Taehyun asks, nudging his arm. “Listen, it’s okay to fight, just maybe not over text? Do you guys want to talk about this privately?”
“Like I said, we’re not fighting,” Beomgyu insists. Soobin just slowly nods, feeling too awkward to say anything.
“There’s nothing wrong with fighting in a relationship, this is what we’ve been trying to convince Soobin hyung for the past week,” Taehyun sighs, shaking his head when Soobin averts his gaze to the ground. It was awkward enough being caught texting, Soobin didn’t really want to talk about this in front of everyone, especially right now.
But then Beomgyu pauses and raises an eyebrow. “What? You’ve been talking about this with Soobin hyung this whole week?”
Yeonjun nods. “Yeah, not to compare you guys to us, but Taehyun and I are doing much better since we started speaking about any problems—”
“Wait, wait, wait,” Beomgyu cuts him off and holds a hand up. “I’m…confused.”
“About what?”
Beomgyu looks at Soobin before turning to the others. “What do you mean by not to compare us to you?”
Yeonjun shrugs his shoulders before saying, “Taehyun and I have been together for a long time now, but it’s not even been a year yet for you two, so that’s why I can see why it wouldn’t be good to compare our relationships.”
“A year since what?”
“Since you started dating?” Yeonjun turns to Soobin in confusion when Beomgyu’s jaw drops. “It has been almost a year right? Or am I missing something here?”
“Are you?” Beomgyu asks, his voice cracking as the blush rises on his neck. “Since when were Soobin and I dating?”
What.
The silence that follows is deafening and Soobin feels his heart drop as Beomgyu continues.
“Soobin hyung and I aren’t dating? What made you think that?”
“But, I was there when the two of you confessed,” Taehyun says, softly as he glances over to Soobin, who clearly wasn’t taking this sudden revelation well. “You told him that you loved him back and—”
“I love all of you.” Beomgyu covers his face with his hands and muffles a scream. He looks up, face even more red than before as he says, “Hyung also says he loves you guys all the time!”
Soobin finally finds his voice to answer. “Yeah, but I very obviously said it in a different way to you!”
“No, you didn’t,” Beomgyu splutters. “We were just talking in the living room together, you randomly said ‘I love you’ and I said it back. There was nothing more to that!”
“We were having a serious conversation. I told you that I loved you enough for my heart to burst.”
The embarrassment of the situation got overshadowed by the anger that Beomgyu had misinterpreted everything he had said that day. Soobin remembers everything clearly. He remembers the way he had intertwined their fingers together after saying the words and brought them up to his lips, leaving a kiss there. Beomgyu had giggled and rubbed his head on their hands before Taehyun entered the room and everything got awkward.
“Have you guys like…” Kai trails off as he winces, looking uncomfortable making himself involved. “Have you never kissed?”
“No!” Beomgyu immediately responds. “We’ve never kissed. Why would you think we’re dating if we’ve never even kissed?”
“I thought you didn’t like kissing,” Soobin answers, feeling the embarrassment fill him again at the thought of talking about this in front of the others. “I tried once and you pushed me away so I figured I’ll let you do it when you’re comfortable.”
Beomgyu stutters as he says, “When? I don’t remember this.”
“It was the same day we confessed. We were going back to our rooms and you lingered near my door so I thought you might want a kiss, so I leaned in but you ended up pushing me and quickly went back to your room.”
“That’s not what happened,” Beomgyu argues, shaking his head. “We were at your door and then you started telling me about how tired you were and how you wanted to sleep. Then you leaned in for a hug and I pushed you away because I was worried you’d end up falling asleep on me.”
“That…” Soobin loses his train of thought as he wonders if maybe he had imagined everything that had happened that day. Maybe he had imagined that Beomgyu said the words back in the same way he meant them. Maybe he imagined the way Beomgyu looked at him sometimes, eyes filled with adoration.
“Do you guys want to talk about this privately?” Yeonjun suggests, shifting in his seat awkwardly. He was quick to notice the way Soobin had deflated in his seat, eyes dropping to the ground as the conversation went on.
“No, stay here,” Beomgyu says, stopping them in their places. “Did you all think we were dating?”
The other three exchanged looks before nodding. “I thought you were together since way before until Taehyun told me you had made it official only in August.”
“I figured you were together since you started having your late-night calls, thought you didn’t want to tell us just yet so I was waiting till you’d announce it or something,” Kai answers.
Beomgyu lets out a deep breath before hiding his face in his hands again. The others look at Soobin sympathetically, but he already feels way too embarrassed to say anything more. His entire relationship with Beomgyu was built upon a misunderstanding. It didn’t even matter if they argued, they wouldn’t be breaking up any time soon since they were never dating, to begin with. The heavy feeling that everyone in the room was aware of Soobin's misconception loomed over him and he decided to make a run for it. He stood up, muttering something about wanting to sleep.
“Wait, Hyung,” Beomgyu starts, reaching out to grab his sleeve, but Soobin brushes him off, wanting nothing more than to stuff his face into his pillow and cry about everything that just happened in the past 10 minutes. “Wait—”
Soobin slams his door shut before Beomgyu could say anything else, his cheeks heating as everything replays in his mind. Beomgyu had said ‘I love you’ to him, but Beomgyu didn’t mean it in the same way. Beomgyu had given him forehead kisses, held his hand, gave him loving stares and called him his ‘baby’. But Beomgyu didn’t mean any of them in the way Soobin wanted him to.
Had Soobin really made it all up? The others had said it seemed like they were dating, they were convinced before Soobin even mentioned it to any of them. Now that Soobin thinks about it, he never actually asked Beomgyu to date him, but wasn’t it a given? They had confessed and there was only one way to go after that.
Before Soobin can make it to the middle of his room, his door slams open with Beomgyu standing by it. He looks angry but mostly confused. Probably confused about how Soobin managed to misinterpret everything. It wasn’t entirely his fault though. How had Beomgyu not noticed?
“Soobin-ah, do you really think that by closing the door on me it’ll keep me out?”
“Kind of was hoping it would,” Soobin answers, turning so that his back was facing Beomgyu. The tears in his eyes were readily escaping, running down his cheeks and he had already created such a big scene in the living room, he didn’t want to make things worse.
Maybe it’s good that things are out in the open now. Now, Soobin knows that Beomgyu doesn’t like him back. Now, Soobin is aware that he was in a one-sided relationship this whole time. Now, Soobin can try mending his friendship with Beomgyu, in hopes to one day put this past them. He’s sure once he’s comfortable enough to talk about it, Beomgyu is not going to let him live it down. It is quite hilarious, now that Soobin thinks about it. Beomgyu liking him back.
“Hyung!” Soobin gets shaken out of his thoughts when he realises Beomgyu is standing in front of him, lips downturned as his eyes follow the flow of Soobin’s tears. “Why are you crying?”
“You don’t like me.” Soobin lets out a sob as he says that, surprised by himself. He was upset, yeah, but he didn’t think this would affect him so much. It’s not like he can do anything about it now. If Beomgyu doesn’t like him back then he can’t do much about it. He just needs to accept it and move on. That would be the right thing to do.
That’s what he thought when he saw Taehyun and Yeonjun break up. The night he found Yeonjun sitting in their shared living room, aimlessly switching between channels with a blank look on his face. Soobin wanted to tell him that he shouldn’t mourn the end of their relationship like this, but rather spend time with others, maybe pick up another hobby like what Taehyun had done (although Soobin later found out Taehyun was just as miserable). But now he understands why Yeonjun was struggling to smile for a while after the breakup. Soobin can’t even force a smile on his face to ease Beomgyu’s worries.
Another sob escapes him and he collapses into Beomgyu’s open arms. “You don’t like me.”
“When did I say that, Hyung?”
“Just now,” Soobin cries, his hands coming up to clutch the front of Beomgyu’s hoodie, already able to imagine just how much the others were going to tease him about this. He was more embarrassed than he had ever been in his life. “You said you didn’t mean you love me in the same way.”
“I—” Beomgyu pauses before shaking his head. He rests a hand on Soobin’s back and runs the other through his hair. Was he pitying Soobin? That was better than him feeling mad. Soobin doesn’t know what he would’ve done if Beomgyu was mad at him, even worse, disgusted that he had been watching him through a completely different type of lens this whole time. “Alright, enough wallowing in sadness. Sit down.”
Soobin wordlessly follows Beomgyu as they take a seat on his bed. He keeps his eyes glued to his hands as Beomgyu lightly wipes away his tears. “You’re not mad, right?”
Beomgyu stops and grabs Soobin’s face with both hands, forcing him to look up. “I am mad, but not for the reason you’re thinking.”
“Don’t be mad,” Soobin mumbles, closing his eyes again when Beomgyu lightly rubs his thumbs over them. He hears a sigh and cracks his eyes open slightly to see Beomgyu staring at him with the look he previously thought was his fond look. Maybe it’s just a tired Beomgyu look. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?” Beomgyu asks, his lips twitching as they always did when he was trying to hold back a smile. Or maybe he was trying to hide his anger? Soobin wasn’t sure if he could read Beomgyu well anymore.
“For misunderstanding everything.”
“I’m not mad, Choi Soobin.”
“You are. You only call me by my full name when you’re mad.”
Beomgyu purses his lips but they end up stretching into a small smile as he pets Soobin’s head. “That’s not true. I call you Choi Soobin when I find you cute.” Beomgyu drops his hand from Soobin’s face and he immediately misses it, but then the younger grabs his hands and drags him closer. “Hyung, what else made you think we were dating?”
“It’s stupid now that I think about it, so don’t worry. I get it. We’re not together.”
“It’s not stupid, I promise I’m not trying to make fun of you,” Beomgyu says, getting closer as he raises Soobin’s knee and tucks his leg under his. “Just, tell me.”
Soobin chews on the inside of his cheek before giving in to Beomgyu’s pleading eyes. After all, he was weak for Beomgyu. “You called me your baby.”
A laugh escapes Beomgyu before he can hold it in and as if on command the tears start welling in his eyes again. “No, no! Hyung, I’m not laughing at you!”
“You are laughing at me! I know it’s silly and you probably didn’t mean much when you said it, but I thought you were calling me your baby as in, I was yours.” Beomgyu had said it on a live before, calling Soobin his baby and his heart almost combusted at the thought that the fans would’ve heard it. But then when he saw the way Beomgyu was leaning over the table into his side, a hand covering his hand, and voice low enough for just him to hear it, it felt special.
“Ah, Hyung. I’m not, I’m serious,” Beomgyu says, holding a hand up as he purses his lips to hold back his laugh. When Soobin hits his arm, he winces before continuing. “But I meant it. You really are my baby.”
“Don’t say stuff like that, especially when you know how I feel,” Soobin grumbles.
He thought Beomgyu would understand now that all he needs is a little bit of space and some time to get over him. But instead, Beomgyu’s smile widens and he wraps his arms around Soobin’s waist. “What to do, Hyung? I really love you.”
The tears in his eyes start rolling out and he has to close them in hopes to stop. He didn't want Beomgyu to feel bad but he couldn't help it. Beomgyu would never say those words in the same way Soobin said them to him.
“Why are you crying again?” He hears Beomgyu say with a sigh and he can't help but let out small sniffles. His body shakes with his cries and he feels Beomgyu start to get up. Panic rushes through him and he blindly reaches out to stop him, because as much as he wanted Beomgyu to leave, if he left right now he wasn't sure he'd ever be able to face him again. He grabs ahold of the younger's hoodie and mindlessly pulls it a little too hard. “Woah, Hyung—!”
Soobin doesn't get to hear what Beomgyu was about to say since his body comes crashing down onto his, knocking them both down on his bed. His eyes snap open and he looks down to see his arms full of a surprised Beomgyu. “I’m so sorry, I—”
“It's okay,” Beomgyu says, slightly breathless from the fall. He raises himself onto his hands and throws a leg over Soobin. “I know you love me and all but there's easier ways to try and get me to fall for you.”
“I wasn't trying to do that!” Soobin exclaims, his heart beating faster as Beomgyu makes himself comfortable on his lap.
“It's okay if you were, just thought it would be fair to let you know I fell for you years ago, multiple times.”
Soobin freezes and stares at Beomgyu in shock. Did he…hear that right? Surely not. As Beomgyu had said earlier, he would say ‘I love you’ to any of the members because that's just how he felt about them. If he had felt the same, then almost a year ago when Soobin confessed they would've actually been dating since then. Soobin knew better than to get his hopes up, he had suffered through enough by living in his delusions.
Beomgyu pouts and pokes his cheek. “You're not going to say anything?”
“You know I love you,” Soobin mutters, looking away. “I know you love me too, just not the same way.”
“But I just said I did!” Beomgyu leans forward and grabs his face with both his hands, forcing him to turn to face him. He frowns when Soobin averts his eyes. “Do I have to spell it out for you, Choi Soobin? Or is this just your way of teasing me? Why can't you understand what I mean?”
“Yeah,” Soobin turns to him and is surprised to see his glassy eyes. “You need to spell it out for me. I don't understand.”
Beomgyu takes a deep breath, looking like he was trying his best to compose his long overdue thoughts into a logical speech. But then he meets Soobin’s gaze again and it seems as though all the thoughts in his mind disappear. Instead, he wipes away Soobin's tears and leans forward. “Can I kiss you, Hyung?”
Soobin clutches the sheets under him as he stares at Beomgyu with wide eyes, surprised and mostly confused. “Only if you mean it.”
“I'll always mean it.” Is all Beomgyu says before he presses his lips to the curve of Soobin's and they both still for a moment. His eyes flutter shut at the feeling and Soobin doesn't know how he'll be able to live on knowing that Beomgyu’s lips feel as soft as he had always imagined them to be.
Soobin had, embarrassingly enough, dreamt about this before. He had hoped that the day when Beomgyu would feel comfortable enough around him, they'd kiss until their lips were swollen and time would be the only reason for them to part. And even now, it felt like a dream being kissed by Beomgyu. To feel the younger trace his bottom lip with his tongue as a hand reaches his, intertwining their fingers.
But this wasn't a dream. From the taste of salty tears and the strawberry lip balm Beomgyu always wore, this was a real kiss, no matter how hesitant and unsynchronized the two were. And yet, he was still afraid that it was nothing more than his imagination.
Beomgyu pulls away and lets out a chuckle when he notices Soobin still has his eyes closed. “Soobin-ah, you can open your eyes now.”
“No,” Soobin answers, shaking his head when Beomgyu tries prying his eyes open with his fingers. “What if I open my eyes and realise this wasn't real?”
“Or, you could open your eyes and see for yourself just how real this is.”
Soobin lets out a shaky breath before slowly opening his eyes, feeling embarrassed to see the way Beomgyu was staring at him. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Soobin,” Beomgyu says his name and he won't admit it ever to him, since he'd never hear the end of it, but hearing him drop the ‘Hyung’ at the end always did wonders to his heart. “I'm sorry for confusing you earlier, but I genuinely was not aware that you had confessed. We used to say that to each other all the time, in fact, I heard you say it to Kai the very next day. I just thought you were just saying it because you were overwhelmed with emotion.
“But now I know that wasn't the case.” The smile on Beomgyu’s face warms his heart as he begins to anticipate what he was going to say. Soobin should honestly know better than to get his hopes up, but when he's around Beomgyu, there's no space for reason. “So, yes. I love you just as much as you love me, possibly more. You should've made it clear, though! How was I supposed to know we were dating when you never asked me out?”
“To be fair, you never asked me out either,” Soobin says, more confident in joking about their feelings. Now that he knew it was reciprocated.
Beomgyu smacks his shoulder and he lets out a yelp, cowering away when the younger continues his attacks. “I wasn't the one who deluded himself into thinking we were dating for almost a year.”
Soobin grabs his wrists and glares at him.
“Too soon?”
“Too soon.”
Before they could continue, a faint knock is heard before the door slowly opens. “Are you two decent?”
“Of course, we are?”
Kai sticks his head through the gap in the door, making a face at the position, before gesturing behind him. “We've finally decided on a movie. Wanna join?”
Soobin turns to Beomgyu and is surprised to see the younger is already looking at him with the exact same look he probably had on his face.
“No? Wanna stay here?” Soobin asks, to which Beomgyu enthusiastically nods. “Sorry, Hyuka, we'll join you guys another time.”
They both don't even turn to face Kai, who grumbles to himself about couples before shutting the door behind him. Soobin reaches out and places a hand on Beomgyu’s nape, a smile stretching on both their faces.
“Ha, what to do, Beomgyu-yah? I really love you.”
Beomgyu beams at this and presses another kiss to the corner of his lips. He pulls back just far enough to say, “I love you too, Hyung, in the exact same way,” before he's leaning in for more.