Archive of Our Own

“No, Paige, listen-“

Alison heard Emily sigh deeply in frustration even from inside the house. She was sitting on the sofa in Emily’s living room, after their dinner was over and everyone else left, and boy she was nervous. 

Alison was usually at ease at Emily’s house, years and years of afternoons and sleepovers ending up making this her second home. She tried to relax, adjusting the hem of her dress and sinking a little deeper on the comfy white couch. She could hear the first drops of rain on the window racing their pace as it started to pour. Rain always reminded her of those lonely, scary nights on the run, when she didn’t even know if she would have survived to see the next dawn. Even if it was certainly the scariest time of her life, Alison survived. She didn’t die, she didn’t even go as crazy as expected (sure, sleep deprivation was something, but she still managed to save her sanity), and after all those nights she knew now what kept her alive. She knew who she survived for.

“Paige, I have to do this. I want to do this. She needs me and I need to be there for her. Maybe if you don’t get it, we shouldn’t be together.”

Alison was taken aback by the sound of the front door opening. Emily entered the living room after slamming the door closed, making her jump in her seat.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” the brunette said dropping her gaze to the floor and closing her eyes in defeat. She sighed, again.

Alison couldn’t say she didn’t know what to do. She knew what to do, because she knew what she wanted. But she didn’t know how to handle this. This wasn’t about some stupid boy she met in a pub, this was her finally realizing she had feelings for her best friend. For Emily. Alison wanted to do this the right way. Emily was with Paige, or at least, she was before the phone call that just ended. It left her some hope, the way it ended so abruptly, but it also left her with no ideas on how to approach the subject now.

“It’s fine. Is everything ok?” the blonde replied tentatively.

“Yeah, no, it’s fine. I don’t know actually, I think we just broke up.”

“That I’m not surprised to hear.”

Alison wanted to take it back the second she said that, but it was too late. It didn’t take much effort to understand that maybe when you have just broke up with someone you don’t need to hear your best friend say something that sounds like a “I told you so”. 

“Please Ali, don’t. I can’t stand another fight about how I seem to have feelings for the wrong person, not tonight.” and with that, Emily walked towards the stairs to go to her room. She froze in the middle of the stairs, realizing what she just said.

“What did you just say?” Alison’s voice was thin, almost a whisper, but she knew Emily had heard her from the stiffness in her body. The brunette turned to face Ali, her eyes looking anywhere but at her. She started fidgeting nervously with the hem of her unbuttoned shirt.

To Alison, Emily seemed almost…nervous? It was hard to tell but it felt like the brunette was suddenly shy and restless.

“I…that’s nothing” Emily wanted to slap herself and to explode at the same time. 

“Who do you have feelings for?”, the question escaped Ali’s mouth before she could stop herself from asking it. She definitely wished she could take it back, because she was not so sure her heart could survive the wrong answer.

“For you.” 

At that, Alison started to think her heart couldn’t survive either way because it was stammering in her chest like a furious bird, trying desperately to escape her ribcage. 

“For me?” Alison said, somehow unable to stop looking at Emily but at the same time terrified that her eyes could reveal too much of her own feelings for her. She choked a bitter laugh. Even now, even after Emily confessed to still have feelings for her, she couldn’t stop being scared of her love for her best friend. That was ridiculous. 

“According to Paige” Emily said rolling her eyes.

“According to Paige?” Ali’s head was spinning. Was Emily taking it all back now? Why?

“I’m sorry, what’s happening here?” Emily frowned, a bit confused.

“What’s happening?” Alison felt like she couldn’t reason her way out of this conversation, like she couldn’t find words to her feelings anymore. She was on autopilot, repeating what she heard from Emily almost absentmindedly.

“Are you just going to repeat every sentence I say?” Emily seemed almost annoyed now. Alison guessed it must feel frustrating for her.

“No, I’m sorry. I’m just…I’m confused” but that wasn’t the right word. It wasn’t at all. Alison wasn’t confused, she felt more like…terrified. Every bone in her body was shaking, afraid of which words could escape Emily’s mouth. 

“Well, relax. There’s no need to be.” Emily’s voice was serious, determined, with a slight inflection of anger that makes it even harder for Alison to keep a sort of calm appearance. Every inch, every muscle of her body tensed all at once, making her back hurt with stiffness. She didn’t know what to say.

“Paige says I’ve changed since you came back. She doesn’t get how I manage to still be around you and be there for you after all you put us- me through. We’ve been fighting over this for weeks now, I’m just…tired. It doesn’t matter how many times I try to explain this to her, she doesn’t get it. She can’t, and I can’t keep up with all her insinuations, her accusations. I can’t keep defending myself on this.”

Alison wanted nothing more than to ask Emily if Paige was right with her assumptions. If that was the real reason Emily broke up with her on the phone earlier. But she couldn’t think, she couldn’t say anything, because Emily was standing there on the stairs, looking at her and she could tell she was nervous and possibly on the verge of an emotional breakdown but god, she was so achingly pretty. 

Alison couldn’t stop looking at Emily. She was leaning against the handrail, her shirt sleeves tucked up and a black tight tank top under it, that Alison didn’t recognize from her friend’s usual outfits. It looked amazing on her though. A thought came to her mind like a flash that maybe the tank top was Paige’s, and maybe Emily borrowed it one night she had slept over. The thought of Emily and Paige together sent a hit of pain and disgust right to Ali’s stomach.

“She never deserved you, Em.” Alison said it in the softest tone she could, but from the fire in Emily’s eyes she got it was not soft enough, not even in the slightest. She asked herself how many strikes she had left with this amazing woman in front of her, how many mistakes she could afford before the only thing she hears her say is leave. 

“You know what? You have absolutely no right to say something like that to me. And it’s not because you never loved me back, I get it, you’re not into me. It’s not your fault. It’s because you knew how I’ve always felt about you and you couldn’t do the right thing, you couldn’t just let me go. You let me kiss you and fall in love with you, then you expected me to be there for you and support you, to be your friend even if I was so in love with you that I couldn’t even stand being around you without feeling like I wanted to throw up my own heart and get rid of it because you didn’t want me. And you know, I did that. I did all of that. I was there when you needed me, I stood up for you always, relentlessly, because I couldn’t make myself believe that Alison DiLaurentis was just this selfish, shitty person everyone depicted in their words. Because I knew there was more than that, because you were more than that to me. But I was just…practice, didn’t I?”

“I-“

“No, don’t. You have no idea what I deserve, you don’t get to have a say on that. Not when I’ve spent years loving you and you’ve spent those same years using that against my best interest, just to keep me close. Do you have any idea how painful it is? To be so desperately in love with someone and not being able to walk away from them?”

“Em, listen, I-“

“No, don’t Em me. You don’t have to worry about my feelings, I’ve lived with them for years now, I became the fucking best at hiding and ignoring them. I’ve loved you since the first time we spoke, Alison. My love for you survived even when I thought you didn’t. When they found what they thought was your body in that backyard I thought I would finally just…stop loving you. I thought I did. I told myself the ache in my chest was due to all those mysteries that surrounded your death, all the doubts and questions left unanswered. But then, when I saw you alive in that old dusty building…reality hit me like a ton brick and that ache was suddenly gone and it felt strange and confusing because I lived for two years with this part of me that was in constant pain, so distant and yet so insistent I had to surrender to it, to get used to it. I embraced the fact I had to live with it. It suddenly stopped hurting when my eyes laid on you, alive. And I had been in denial ever since, because I couldn’t stand being still so in love with you, it’s just…it’s exhausting, Ali. My love for you broke me and tore me apart, but it’s still here and I hate it now. I love you, Ali. I love you and it’s infuriating, because Paige is an amazing girl and I should run to her door and tell her I was out of my mind when I said maybe she was right about me still being in love with you. And it’s infuriating also because I know you could never love me back, and yet here I am.”

At this point, Alison thought maybe this was what an out of body experience felt like. She didn’t know how to process every word she heard coming out from the brunette’s mouth, she didn’t know from what place inside Emily’s heart they came from. She felt glued to the couch, unable to move, her mouth slightly opened and her throat completely dry. She was shaking and on the verge of tears, but when her eyes meet Emily’s, she suddenly felt on fire. The look Emily had on her face was unreadable, every single emotion conveying in her eyes and that was one of the things she loved so much about her. Emily’s eyes had always spoke to her in a way no one else could understand. She let herself get lost for a moment in those eyes, but that was it. The last strike. 

“Can you leave now? Please, just…leave.”

Alison didn’t want to leave. She was unsure what to do, because Emily seemed really upset, but she had to face the fact that her body refused to function, not to mention her brain, which was helplessly drowning and counting the times Emily has just said she loves her.

She loves her.

She also made it very clear that she’s very much hurt by that. 

After a moment in which Emily stared at her in silence (and god, her eyes are something else entirely), she turned back and went straight to her room, closing the door behind her.

---

The moment she closed the door, Emily wanted to go back downstairs. She wanted to yell at Alison, to ask her why the hell she hadn’t said a single thing after everything she had just confessed to her. More than anything, Emily wanted this to be all over. She couldn’t believe she let herself  being drawn back to Ali, back to loving her, back to craving for her lips, her hands, her body. In that moment, the realization hit her all at once and it was just too much.

So instead of going downstairs, Emily fell on the ground, holding her knees against her chest, leaning against the door. She didn’t mind she was sobbing, she didn’t mind not knowing if Alison had already left. She tried to convince herself that she didn’t care whatever reaction Alison had, that she didn’t care about Alison at all. She hadn’t seen this coming. The part where she admitted, to herself and to Alison all at once, that she was still in love. 

She was so in love.

She definitely wasn’t expecting to hear footsteps on the other side of her door. The entire house was dark like it was under a heavy, isolating dome. Other than those footsteps, the sound of her sobs was the only thing audible in the house. Then Emily heard a voice. Alison’s voice.

“God, I’ve always hated when you cry. It cracks my heart open.” Alison’s voice was weak, like it could break any moment or disappear in a breath. Emily heard her laughing bitterly. “Or maybe this time it hits differently, because I know I’m responsible for that.”

The implication that, again, Alison was about to say she didn’t love her back made Emily’s stomach twist and new tears started to form in her eyes. How come she ended up like this again?

Emily was one second away from imploding, Alison being quiet for a minute or so, when she heard the blonde speaking again.

“Do you remember when we used to hang out in your room, fantasizing about going to Paris?” Emily heard Ali’s voice almost breaking at the end of that sentence. Of course she remembered. She could never forget. Alison went along, not really needing a real answer from the brunette.

“When I was away, these past two years…there has been rough moments, rough nights. I was so scared that A might find me and, well…kill me. I couldn’t sleep for days. When I was alone, during those nights, I needed a place to go with my mind, so I used to imagine me and you in Paris. I closed my eyes and let my mind wander, thinking about how it would have been to walk around the city holding your hand. I always ended up fixating on some details, your smile, how your eyes look different when you’re really focusing on something- someone. Your smell. Your grip around my waist. God, I imagined it so many times it almost felt real sometimes, and I opened my eyes in the middle of the night missing you in a way that made me feel so stupid, because it couldn’t be, it just couldn’t be like that. But it was. And it still is.”

Emily was listening to Ali with her eyes closed, trying to imagine those sleepless nights of hers. It reminded her of the nights she couldn’t sleep, haunted by the thoughts of her friend being out there all alone, or worse. Her heart picked up its rate with the last sentences she heard. What was Ali saying? She was sure Ali had never seen her like romantically, so why the hell is she saying those things? Maybe she was trying to ease the tension between them before she rejected her one more time. Yeah, it had to be like that.

Right?

“I know I’ve hurt you. All the things you said before about me being an asshole to you, about me being selfish…they’re all true. I’m not here to deny it, I am here to take responsibility for it all. I can see now that it was so unfair to you, the way I treated you. It was unfair to let you believe your feelings were totally one-sided. It wasn’t true, Emily. And it’s not just some excuse, I was so scared about what would have meant for me admitting I loved you back. I thought it was better to push you away than to face my feelings. I thought they would fade away with time, well, I thought they actually did. But then…”

Alison’s voice faded with a suffocated sound, like the air all of a sudden got caught in her throat. Emily felt her heart beating fast, lost without a regular pace, more like a pinball ball than a human heart itself. How ironic, she thought by herself, how her heart was pumping so much blood through her veins beating this fast in her chest while her brain felt drained and completely incapable to process what Ali just confessed.

She grazed the wooden surface of the door with her fingertips, aching with the recognition that she couldn’t reach Alison’s cheek. She thought she might go crazy by seconds now, because damn. This isn’t what she’d thought would happen tonight, at all, but Emily wanted this, she had wanted this since she met Alison for the first time, but she was so scared she would end up brokenhearted again. So she didn’t move, she didn’t speak, and she didn’t breathe, until Alison spoke again.

“…then one night I saw you. I was in Philly, it was late and I desperately needed some fresh air. Noel drove me insane about it being too risky, but I hadn’t had a night of sleep in days and I thought I could literally burn in exasperation with one more minute all locked up in that building. I walked, hiding in the shadow of little alleys. Then I saw you, right across the street, in some coffee shop I had never noticed before. You were all alone, drinking your coffee while reading a book or something like that. Then someone asked you if they could borrow the empty chair across from you at your table and you just nodded, smiling kindly. I don’t know if it was seeing you doing something so ordinary that made my heart collapse. It reminded me of how easy it could have been between us. Of how fucking hard it had been for me to leave you.”

“Ali…” Emily wasn’t even sure the blonde had heard her, it was barely a whisper. 

“Let me just say one more thing.”

And Emily just wanted to open the door and wrap her arms around Alison, hold her tight and never let her go, but she was still wondering where was this coming from, what was she really trying to say. Emily wanted to hear it all.

“I’m sorry it took so long to realize it, but that night was the night I could finally get it. I was still in love with you. And still, I couldn’t come back to you. Even if it was everything I wanted, I couldn’t risk putting both of us in danger. So I turned around and talked myself into letting you go, once and for all. You would have been better off without me, you could have been happy, you definitely would have stayed alive…as long as I stayed away from you.” Alison’s voice broke, she was full crying now and Emily heard her getting on her feet, taking a deep breath to calm her sobs.  Emily stood on her feet too. Then the sound of Ali’s breath sounded closer to her ear, like she was resting right against the wooden door on the other side of it.

They stayed silent for a while. Emily couldn’t tell if it had been a matter of minutes or more. Her head was spinning, she was shaking and her eyes were red for all the crying. The window was half open and the rain brought a cold chill that sticked to her skin, making no easier for her to regain control of her body. She closed her eyes, trying to put some sense into what just happened, her brain unable to process things coherently. 

So she broke up with Paige and she told Alison she’s in love with her. If that wasn’t shocking enough, since she definitely wasn’t planning on doing anything resembling a love declaration tonight, Alison just told her she realized she was basically the love of her life.

In the middle of this self-explanatory inner monologue, Emily felt like when trying to make origami: it seems so easy when you look at others folding paper into neat shapes, but then when it’s you folding paper, step after step, you find yourself with something completely different in your hands. You don’t recognize it and you don’t know how to fix it, or when it is that you made that wrong fold that suddenly screwed everything up. That’s what this situation felt like.

With her eyes closed, reruns of all those moments with Ali, all those kisses played on repeat in her mind, but there wasn’t just that. There was also this disturbing feeling she always had to shake when someone brought up her relationship with Alison in a conversation, something that held hostages those memories of her first love and made her wince inside. It was shame. Alison rejecting her in that mean, ruthless way made her feel so stupid for misreading the whole thing, and Emily felt so ashamed for that. She had thought for a long time, that part of the reason why it had been so hard to come out was because of that shame. Part of Emily thought maybe all the love in the world wasn’t enough to fix things between them, part of her wanted nothing but to kiss the woman on the other side of that damn door, take her out of that dress that looked so ridiculously good on her and show her how much she loved her.

“You’re right, Emily. You loved me more than I could ever hope, more than I thought anyone could love me. I’ve been a selfish, shitty person. That’s why if that’s what you want, I’ll go. I owe that to you, the respect for the feelings you have for me. If you want me to leave, that’s what Ι’ll do. But please, know that you’re the reason I survived all I went through. You’re the reason I’ve never given up. If that didn’t make me stop loving you, nothing can. Nothing will. Just so you know.”

Ali’s words took Emily aback from her thoughts, her heart hammering in her chest so heavily that she was almost sure Alison could hear it from the other side of the door.

In that moment, Emily’s eyes fell on one picture hanging on her bedroom’s wall, next to her bed. It was a picture of her and Alison, it was taken a few days after their first stolen kiss at the library. Even when she thought Alison was dead, Emily had never wanted to take that picture off of the wall. Her mom had always thought it was because Emily was afraid if she couldn’t see her, she would have forgotten her friend, but the truth was that that was one of the happiest moments of her life and sometimes, when she felt miserable and lost, she looked at the picture and she could still feel that memory warming up her chest. It was the memento that her feelings for Alison were real even if unreciprocated, and that it hadn’t always been like this with Alison, telling lies, escaping A’s traps and chasing red coat in the woods, one mystery after another. There was a time in which she was just in love with her best friend. 

Turns out Ali had loved her back ever since.

---

Alison was taking the stairs to leave Emily’s house when she felt a hand grabbing her wrist. She stopped, turned around to a teary Emily, who was standing right in front of her and couldn’t apparently let go of Ali’s wrist. 

“I could say so many things. I will say just one.” Emily said, closing the distance between her and Ali’s face, until their foreheads touched and their lips were millimeters apart. “You had me at I hate it when you cry.”

When their lips touched, Alison thought kissing Emily Fields could be the reason why she’s been sent to this planet. She could do this forever.

---

Alison woke up right before dawn. She inhaled and exhaled slowly, her eyes still closed. The first thing her brain registered was her naked body. The second one was another naked body holding her.

Emily. 

She suddenly felt Emily all over her, the heat radiating from her body wrapping her in a smooth grip. Alison wanted to stay like this forever. She didn’t open her eyes, the irrational fear of breaking the illusion of this perfect moment creeping up from a remote place in her mind. She stayed like that for what felt like hours, hypnotized by the regular rhythm of Emily’s breaths. 

Her closed eyelids were like the curtain behind which reruns of the night before were playing in loop just for Alison, as if it was one of her dreams. As if she was still on the run, scared and lonely, fantasizing about being with her best friend to calm down and get some sleep. 

Except that Emily’s hands have really been on her hips, they have really grabbed her ass in a way that made her go crazy, her lips have kissed her so deeply and fiercely that Alison wouldn’t doubt her love for her for the rest of her life. Everything that had happened with Emily last night told her so much more than all those years had kept from her. 

“Mmm…”

Emily mumbled and opened her eyes for less than a second. A smile spread across her face, making Alison’s heart melt instantly. How could she talk herself into not loving this woman, even for a second?

“Morning, sleepyhead.”

“Morning yourself.” Emily’s eyes adjusted slowly to the light. It was early in the morning, but a hint of light was already illuminating the room, even with the window closed. She adjusted to face Ali and gently caressed her cheek.

“You cannot possibly be this beautiful in the morning. How are you even real?”

The tenderness in Emily’s voice and the audacity of her compliment made Ali’s heart burst into flames, but when Emily dragged her closer to kiss her the fire spread all over her body. When Emily broke the kiss and started tracing paths on her collarbone, looking at her like she was the only woman in the entire world, Ali suddenly felt almost unworthy of all this love. She had been awful to Emily during the years. What if love wasn’t enough to fix every mistake, to heal every wound?

“Hey, what’s going on?”

She always forgot Emily knew her better than anyone and of course, of course she could tell when Ali’s overthinking something. 

“Ali, look at me.” Then she delicately put a hand under Ali’s chin to lift it up, so that she could look in her eyes. Emily was looking at her with eyes full of love. Alison could tell she was also waiting for her to say something. There was no trace of pressure in her eyes. Alison knew Emily was just trying to say that she’s not going anywhere, that she could talk to her. Whatever it was. 

“I wish that I could frame the way you look at me with those eyes.” It escaped Ali’s lips like a whisper, but now that it was out there she started to think it was what made her fall for Em to begin with.

Emily smiled heartedly at her, stroking her cheek with her thumb slowly. She seemed to sense Ali was going to say something else.

“For a long time the idea of waking up in this bed with you has been just a dream. Then earlier when I woke up and I realized it was real, that you were really here… For a moment I just felt like I didn’t deserve all this. I really meant what I said last night. I know I have a lot to make up for.”

Emily just nodded but didn’t look away, didn’t flinch. Not even for a second. It was terrifying and endearing at the same time, because Emily’s eyes could read her mind and soul at any moment and still it didn’t matter how many dark and despicable parts she knew she was made of, Emily always saw the pain and suffering underneath them. She always took care of those parts of Alison’s core, even when it was utterly painful for her. Alison felt so…seen. Exposed. And it was frightening as hell but it also felt like the sweetest surrender, because she didn’t have to play safe anymore. She could finally be herself with no reserve.

“I know you know that. I can see it.” And with that, Emily’s hand tucked a strand of Ali’s hair behind her ear, sending a shiver down her spine.

“You can see me. It kinda scares me sometimes, how I’m an open book in front of your eyes.”

“Mmm. I’ve always felt this…connection between us. It wasn’t just me being able to understand you better than most of the people. Since the first time we spoke I sensed you and I had something special. Something rare.”

Emily adjusted her position and made Ali’s head rest on her chest, wrapping her arms around her, before she continued talking.

“I’ve never been the one that believes in faith, destiny or whatever. I’ve always thought our life was the result of our own choices. These last years made me reconsider that. I still believe in the power of choices but I also think most things out of our control still happen for a reason. It could not be clear immediately, but it always unravels sooner or later. When we are ready to get it, we get it.”

“That’s very deep. And true, actually.” Ali could feel Emily’s hand playing with her hair absentmindedly. She loved it when she did it, it was so relaxing and so quietly sweet.

“I think we were meant to lose each other in the past. We wouldn’t be able to face our feelings if it wasn’t for the fact that they were so strong they resisted all of your runaways.”

“And all of your girlfriends.”Emily’s hand stopped for a moment, before she bursted into a laugh.

“Ouch. Hey! That’s rude. And unfair.”

“It’s also very much true, miss Fields.” The mocking tone of Ali’s voice made Emily’s heart accelerate just a bit, and she could hear it from where her head is resting on her chest.

“Oh my god, is Alison DiLaurentis jealous? Is this another dream?”

Ali lifted her eyes to look at Emily with one eyebrow arched sardonically.

“Another dream, huh? What about the first dream then?”

“You’re changing the subject and I was really interested in your jealousy.” 

“Yeah, yeah. I can bet.” Ali looked away, already knowing it was all Emily was waiting to tell she really was jealous.

“You really are jealous!”

“Oh shut up now, don’t flatter yourself!” Ali playfully slapped at Emily’s arm, unable to stop the smile rising on her face.

“You’re kidding, right? The most amazing woman I’ve ever seen, who happens to also be the woman I am desperately in love with since tenth-grade, is jealous and I don’t have to flatter myself?”

She was absolutely and helplessly in love with Emily Fields.

“You’re impossible. And impossibly cute.”

“Yeah, and you love it.”

“Yeah, I do.”

---

“Emily…this really wasn’t what I had in mind when you mentioned a surprise! What’s going on?”

Emily was so tense she was shaking. It had been a year since that first night at her house, but for her it had felt like the blink of an eye. Time with Alison flew so rapidly that for the first time in her life Emily Fields started to think time wasn’t enough. 

Actually, it had been this thought that led her to this. Since there was no chance of getting more time than what she had in this life with her best friend and now girlfriend, she might as well get the best of what they had. 

So after several discarded ideas, many sleepless nights and a half mental breakdown, there she was, at Kissing Rock, waiting for Alison’s arrival.

A few moments later she saw Alison walking tentatively, escorted by Spencer, Aria and Hanna. Fortunately Ali was blindfolded, because she was sure she looked like a deer in the headlights for three seconds straight. Emily shared a moved look with her friends, who sent her a silent kiss and waved goodbye while walking away, leaving her alone with Ali.

Ali was wearing a beautiful blue dress that brought out her amazing eyes; it was tight in all the right places, gently enhancing the curve of her ass and with a sweetheart neckline accentuating her breasts. Her blonde locks were perfect and hanged loosely on her shoulders.

Emily approached her and when she was just inches apart from her, she got closer to her ear and whispered. 

“You’re absolutely breathtaking tonight.”

Her voice was full of awe and it was impossible for Ali not to blush heavily. She blushed even more when Emily gently took off the blindfold. 

Shy Ali was one of Emily’s favorite Ali. It was always so new to her how her girlfriend, who was well known for her sharp comments and cutting remarks, could become so timid and almost insecure when it came to her. Emily could never get tired of noticing the effects she had on Alison.

“Thanks, babe. You look amazing too.”

Emily kissed her lightly on her lips to thank her, and then stepped aside so that Alison could see. She immediately laced her hands together, intertwining their fingers. 

“So…this is for you.”

Alison took a look around and her heart started beating so fast in her chest she was sure Emily could hear it stammering a few inches from her. She was amazed and completely took by surprise. Emily put tiny little lights on the trees surrounding the glade that looked like fireflies, and there was a giant blanket on the grass with some things accurately disposed on it. From where she was observing, the only thing she could recognize was a little statue of the Tour Eiffel that made her heart melt.

“You did all this for me?”

Emily nodded with the hint of a blush on her cheeks. She took a step forward and slowly started to walk towards the blanket.

“Here, come with me.”

Once they were at the edge of where the grass finished and the blanked began, Emily looked into Ali’s eyes and cleared her throat.

“Welcome to Paris, ma’am.”

The smile on Ali’s face told Emily it all had been worth it. Not just the effort she put in building a little Paris in miniature, but all of it. The sufferings, the pain, the sleepless nights, the heartbreaks. It all led them here, in this moment of pure happiness.

Emily walked Alison through all she had arranged, including a two-steps walk in Champs Elysees, the dinner in a tiny restaurant (which turned out to be a romantic picnic near a 40cm-tall Arc de Triomphe) and a little but faithful reproduction of the Louvre pyramid. Then she took the phone out of her pocket and played a song, then placed it onto the Arc miniature. 

“May I have this dance, my lady?”

“Of course, babe.”

They danced wrapped around each other, slowly falling into their own rhythm, keeping the music as a gentle guide to their moves, their bodies never breaking contact. Ali’s head was resting on Emily’s shoulder and she was praying every god that Ali didn’t notice how nervous she was.

“If someone told me two years ago I would have been here now, with you, dancing under the Tour Eiffel -or above a twenty cm statue of the Tour Eiffel- I don’t know if I would have believed it.”

Alison laughed lightly at that, and with the hand that was resting on Emily’s shoulder she started brushing her thumb on her neckline. 

“And yet..here we are, against all odds.” Ali said.

“Yeah, here we are. And I couldn’t be happier.”

And with that, Emily kissed Ali and she didn’t want to stop, ever. For a moment Emily let herself forget about what she had in plan for the night and got lost in the kiss, in how Ali’s tongue felt amazing in her mouth. Then the brunette came back to reality and she stopped dancing, a little too abruptly for Ali not to notice it.

“Is everything ok?”

“Yes, babe. I just…I have something to tell you.”

“Oh.”

“It’s just…it’s like you said. We’re here against all odds. You know I don’t believe in faith, I don’t think there was some kind of plan already written somewhere for us, involving all the pain both of us have experienced, alone and together. All I know is we met and I instantly fell for you, for your eyes, your smile, your lips, for your sense of humor and for your being protective of me, for your kindness and thoughtfulness and the way you hide all the good parts of you to protect your amazing and loving heart from suffering. I know you do it because you know pain, and sorrow, and misery and I know that because we’ve been through our own personal hell together. I also know that you sometimes think you don’t deserve to be happy, but Ali, you make me happier than I’ve ever imagined. I wouldn’t trade what we have, not even for the wildest of my dreams, because you already make it come true everyday. You once told me this, me and you in Paris, was the place your mind used to go when you were out there, all alone and scared. That this is what kept you alive. If you’ll let me, I would like to be that safe place for you, for the rest of our lives.”

Emily kneeled with a little red box in her shaky hands, opening it while Alison was crying and sobbing and had already given up to saving her make-up. With tears in her eyes, Emily said the words Alison would have never imagined to hear tonight leaving her house.

“Alison Lauren DiLaurentis, will you marry me?”

“Yes, Emily Catherine Fields, oh god yes!”

Emily slipped the ring on Alison’s finger and got up to kiss her, all the tension boiling off her body and leaving some space for an endless happiness.

“I love you so, so much, Em. Forever.”

“I love you too Ali. Always and forever.”

They kissed again and Emily’s mind indulged the thoughts about that first night together, after the furious fight and her spitting her feelings at Ali like it was a venom she desperately needed to get rid of. She was so tired that night, she was sure it was it. The end of an era she spent loving her best friend without being loved back.

It turned out, she couldn’t have been more wrong.