Chapter Text
The room is like it always was, there was a ray of sunshine casting onto James bed and the curtains were fully shut leaving a red glow on his bed. Everything was just like normal except it wasn’t supposed to be, last night was supposed to change everything. James finally got the guts to talk to regulus and by gods it was amazing. Or he thought it was because now he had woken up to an empty bed with a big lack of the beautiful boy he was hoping to wake up to.
“James!!! Are you up, you said we could go study half an hour ago. JAMES.”
oh. He had agreed to try and study with Sirius for some upcoming exams. Today might not be the best day to try and focus on stupid herbology but it’s worth a shot.
Well that was horrible. He tried to focus, he really did but all his he could think of was regulus. He still didn’t understand why he left, it all seemed perfect, they talked, regulus smiled, he even stayed over when I asked him not to leave. What did he do wrong.
Regulus POV - He’s been spiraling all day. He woke up next to James, he looked so peaceful and calm, his eyelashes curled slightly and his mouth was open just a bit, he wanted to stay there forever and just watch the older boys chest rise up and down and brush his fingers against his hair, but this is reality. Regulus could never have James, no mater what drunken words James told him. It could never happen. James didn’t know the truth and if he would he would have never talked to him, would have never smiled at him like he was his world, like he could love regulus like regulus loved him.
It wouldn’t happen and he can’t keep lying to himself. He needed to ju-
“Reg?” Pandora sounds concerned when she called his name. All classes were out and they were sitting on his bed trying to study for an upcoming exam, “hey reg, you in there??”
God he was probably looked stupid sitting there staring at nothing at all, he couldn’t even understand what he was reading, it all went in one ear and came out the other.
“Oh, yeah sorry.” He paused too long and Pandora noticed.
“Do you want to talk about it?” He would usually say no, why would he concern her with his nonsense, but he couldn’t hold it in any longer.
“Actually yes. God it’s James, yesterday he came up to me at the party and I had a couple drinks and he did too and we talked, god we talked for so long and I mean he is a really good listener and I, I went upstairs to his bed and we just kept talking and the way he looked at me. Pandora he looked at me like I was it. Like he could say goodbye to his life and we would be okay. Together. I stayed there the whole night and we didn’t even fall asleep until 2am just talking. I just, I can’t let him look at me like that knowing what I am. It’s not fair” he was crying, a tear dropped down his face on to the piece of parchment laying on his lap.
“I don’t seem to follow, what wrong with you that he can’t love you?” Pandora looked genuinely confused like she didn’t know, like she hadn’t known him before it all, Like she didn’t help him pick a name, like she didn’t hold him when his parents found out.
“Panda how could he ever love me when I’m like this. How could he ever love me if he saw my scares and-“
“Regulus. Don’t you dare finish that sentence, you are the most beautiful man I have even come across. I know you don’t see it so I am here to tell you, and trust me on this one but he does not seem like the type to fall out of love with you because you couldn’t be the person you wanted to be when you were born, and look at Sirius, their nonbinary and they literally live together. You know what I will not take this any longer, you WILL go speak to him and sort this out. I will not sit here and let you talked about your self like that for as long as I live.”
God, ok maybe she had a bit of a point but this was different if he and James were in a relationship we would do thing Sirius and James didn’t and what if he didn’t like what he saw and got grossed out and left.
“I can’t panda, even if I wanted to. I left. I woke up this morning and disappeared, even if he was ok with me I probably hurt him.” All she was sigh and smile
“Regulus if he really cares about you he will understand, just go talk to him, we can study later.”
Maybe she was right.
“Ok. Fine I’ll go. But what if after all this I’m right.” His tears were subsiding but threatened to come back with every word that left his mouth. “If it’s true then he will have a couple of words from me too, but I think this will go just fine.” He looked up to find Pandora smiling at him, now he understands what Lily had been on about. Her smile really could fix anything.
“Ok, ok I’ll do it.”