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Shoto never meant for this to happen.
He should never have told Midoriya. What was he thinking? Midoriya was the same age as him, and objectively far weaker than Shoto was, so what did he expect him to do? Beat up the #2 hero for him? Still, he never in a million years expected Midoriya to do- to do this.
Shoto digs icy fingers into his classmate's bleeding arm, desperate for any way to stop the rampant bleeding. Thick crimson is pumped out with a fleeting rhythm. No matter what he does, it never seems to stop. His throat feels hoarse, and only then does he realize that he had been screaming. He desperately wipes at bleary eyes, needing all the focus that he can manage. Midoriya’s once tan skin is now a sickly yellow, making his eye bags seem darker and his freckles sharper. He’s only a few months older than Shoto, and yet he had never seemed so old. He mentally runs through all of the first aid training he can remember. He wishes, not for the first time and not for the last, that his Father's training had focused more on saving instead of just destruction.
He had never meant to drown Midoriya in his sorrows. He just hoped that maybe he could teach him how to swim.
He can feel the grout of the bathroom floor dig into his knees, and he feels selfish for thinking it hurts. Why couldn’t he have just kept his stupid fucking mouth shut? He has gained a specialty in it over the years, and this is when he breaks? He should've seen the signs; he’d seen them in himself for years. He vaguely hears himself shout for Aizawa-sensei, though he doesn't know how on earth anybody would be able to hear him over his English teachers' deafening screams. He sees his tears mix with Midoriya’s blood, and he is disgusted. He is disgusted that he dares to cry when this is so clearly his fault. He spoke to Midoriya, then Midoriya slit his wrists in the bathroom. Why did he do it? He had just won first place in the obstacle course! He had so much going for him! He was going to be a hero, and a damn good one at that! It’s all Shoto’s fault. The blood of not only his classmate, but also all of the people that his classmate never lived to save is on his hands. Shoto is no hero. He will always only be Endeavor's son.
He is startled by the feeling of strong hands wrapping around him. He doesn’t care who it is, until they start to drag him away from his classmate, his victim. “Shit- Fuck, Todoroki go get Recovery Girl. Quickly!” He recognizes the voice of his teacher, even though he can’t really make out any defining features on the older man. He nods numbly, despite the fact that he knows it’s no use. His classmate is dead, and it’s all Shoto’s fault. He runs as fast as he can, ignoring the stares that he attracts from everybody around him. He stumbles over his feet, but he keeps going. He finds the nurse quickly and mumbles something incoherent about bathrooms and blood and Midoriya. He can’t really remember. She probably wouldn’t understand if it weren’t for the thick blood that coats his skin, all in varying stages of drying. She runs as quickly as her aged body will let her, but Shoto stays put. He knows what will happen and he has seen enough. He, at some point, sits on the ground. Whether it was on purpose or not is unclear.
He stares at his hands. Rusty blood is caked under his nails, but they are too short for him to clean them on his own. This is all his fault. He recalls the way that Midoriya had reassured him, in the hall, and in the bathroom. Even while dying he still put Shoto’s needs before his own. Why had he been so nice to him? Shoto had been nothing but cruel to him since they met, just a few months ago. It all feels so far away. The beginning of the year, the USJ, the conversation in the hallway. He would’ve made the perfect hero. He was caring and selfless no matter who you were or what you had done. Would Midoriya still have done this if he never talked to Shoto? He doubts it. This was all his fault. His fault. His fault... His weary eyes flutter shut with little protest.
—
When Shoto opens his eyes, he is not in Recovery Girls tent, he is not in the bathroom, not even in the hall. Instead, he is at the starting line of the obstacle course. What just happened?