Work Text:
Dazai and Chuuya were a strange duo. It seemed as if they hated each other but they also knew each other and trusted each other better than anyone else nobody knew what their true relationship was the detective agency didn’t even know they knew each other until a meeting with the port mafia where Dazai teased Chuuya as if he was teasing a friend, and Chuuya just yelled right back at him with no formalities and odd nicknames. To say the ADA was confused would be an understatement, but they just continued with life until one day…
It was a pretty normal day at the detective agency, everyone was just sitting around and doing their work as usual except for Dazai who was just spinning in his chair, every time he spun around his chair made an annoying creak Kunikida lost a little more patience with each spin, he understood that Dazai was a valuable asset to the detective agency but that didn’t mean that he was allowed to slack off like this! Kunikida thought to himself and the creaking became louder and louder in his mind.
“DAZAI!” he yelled startling everyone in the office. Dazai instantly stopped spinning a look of shock on his face before he put on a calm but annoying face “Yes Kunidaa?” Just seeing the look on Dazai’s face made Kunikida angry “Why are you always slacking off?! Look and everyone else they’re all doing their work and here you are just spinning in your chair, look at poor Atsushi he’s just sitting there doing all his paperwork, and yours on top of that!” He gestured towards Atsushi who sat with an embarrassed look on his face “It’s not a problem Kunikida.” He said with a nervous smile “NO! Dazai if you don’t stop slacking off I see no reason why you should be in this agency at all Sure you help out with cases but how can we be sure when you just sit here all the time slacking off maybe we should just send you back to the port mafia again!” He said slamming his hands down on the table.
Dazai jumped back towards the wall which was an unusual display but then he just sat there, his eyes blank staring at the floor, it was almost like he wasn’t there at all. Just an empty shell of a human. All eyes were on him and Kunikida everyone was shocked at what just happened. Kunikida panted heavily, recovering from his outburst he turned away from Dazai and took his glasses off to pinch the bridge of his nose with a sigh.
Atsushi turned towards Dazai and looked at him “Dazai-san?” Atsushi reached out to put a hand on his shoulder before Dazai stood up abruptly from his chair. Atsushi pulled his hand back like it had been burned, Dazai started pacing in his spot wrapping his arms around each other with his back hunched protectively Kunikida walked towards Dazai and reached his hand out to touch his arm before Dazai jumped back “Do not touch me.” He said going to hide under the nearest desk.
Kunikida stood there silently while everyone just stared at him he just readjusted his glasses and sat back at his desk, Atsushi turned towards him “Don’t you think you went a little too far?” he said with sincerity in his voice “I just believe somebody needed to snap a little bit of sense into him.” Kuninkida said turning back to his paperwork and reading over it.
Dazai sat there under the desk shaking like a leaf, breathing heavily. He couldn't hear anything besides the sound of his breath. Ranpo walked over to the desk that Dazai sat at and picked up Dazai’s phone before returning to his own desk and making a call, Atsushi watched confused before realizing that he had paperwork to continue working on if he didn’t want to do it tomorrow.
Soon someone burst through the door, and everyone’s heads shot up towards the door to see port mafia executive Nakahara Chuuya. Kunikida walked toward the door cautiously “Chuuya, to what do we owe the pleasure?” Chuuya looked around “Your colleague here.” He gestured towards Ranpo “Said that the Mackerel needed to be picked up.” Kunikida looked at Ranpo, he shrugged and pointed towards the desk Dazai was hiding under “He’s right there.”
Chuuya walked towards the desk and crouched down, giving Dazai a good look over “Hey Mackarel.” Chuuya said softly. When Dazai didn’t answer Chuuya tried “Dazai.” still Dazai didn’t respond so Chuuya tapped his knee and said softly “Osamu.” That caught Dazai’s attention. He snapped his head up and looked at Chuuya “Chibi? What are you doing here?” Chuuya looked at Dazai with a calm expression “I’m taking you home for the day.” Dazai stared at Chuuya for a moment before responding “Oh okay then.” Chuuya backed away and stood up holding a hand out towards Dazai to help him up, Dazai grabbed his hand and stood up shakily.
“Alright Detective Agency I’m taking him home, I don’t wanna hear from you guys for the rest of the day and possibly tomorrow as well, am I understood?” everyone nodded wide eyed wondering if they should just let him take Dazai home but Chuuya and Dazai had already left before they could even get a word out, once the door shut everyone sat there in silence before Yosano stood up shouting “I KNEW IT!” Ranpo just smirked at her as Kunikida turned towards him “What the hell just happened and why did a mafia executive just take Dazai home?” Ranpo looked at him propping his feet up on the desk, and taking the lollipop out of his mouth “Oh you didn’t know? They’re married.” Kunikida sat there with the most dumbfounded expression jaw hanging open until Atsushi slammed his hands on the desk “THEY ARE?”
Everyone spent the rest of the day talking about this new knowledge instead of getting their work done, but how could they even think about work at this point? Who knew that their women-obsessed maniac was married? And to a man as well? How did they not notice? they're supposed to be detectives and they didn’t even know. Well, they knew exactly what they were going to ask Dazai about once he came back.
The End.