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The Grey Sweater (4x21)
Makani 'Olu a Holo Malie (Fair Winds and Following Seas)
Fifteen and a half hours on a commercial flight was hell but fifteen and a half hours on a military transport plane was worse than hell and that was not even taking into account the extent of Steve's injuries from being tortured by the Taliban. Leaving Afghanistan had been hard and Danny hated himself a little bit for making Steve get on the transport plane but in all fairness they did have multiple escorts forcing them onto the plane after they had been ordered back to the States.
Danny let his eyelids flutter open as he could feel Steve's eyes on him and turned his head towards him. "Hi babe." He murmured softly as he pushed himself up a little higher in the uncomfortable chair as the military transport planes were certainly not made for comfort travel. "Do you need something for the pain?" He asked knowing Steve would refuse but he had to ask as he could see the lines of pain on Steve's facial features even though he thought the medication that the military doctor had forced upon Steve before they were forcibly put on the plane would have lasted longer.
A grunt left Steve as he pushed himself up keeping his arm immobilised as possible even though it was in the sling as Danny had made him keep it on. "No." He took a moment to glare at the two MP's that were escorting them back to Honolulu before he looked back at Danny who had that thinly vailed look of concern although it only lasted for a few moments before he ducked his head and bought his hand up to scratch at the side of his neck. "They told me you watched the live footage of the team rescuing me."
Sometimes Danny wished things could be simple when it came to Steve but he knew it would never happen and so he began to attempt to untangle what was going on in the battered man's mind. He spared a second to look at the MP's and he had to admit that he was glad they were gracious enough to give him and Steve space although it was not like they could go anywhere (although he would not put it past Steve to jump out of the plane with a parachute if he thought he could get away with it) before he moved closer to Steve until they were pressed up against one another from shoulder to ankle. The physical contact had Steve involuntarily relaxing against him and it made Danny happy although somehow he figured it would not last. "I had to make sure they did their job and saved you babe." He kept his voice low enough for it not to carry but loud enough for Steve to hear it over the noise of the engines and whatever was rattling around in the cargo. "I'm your back up and I had to be from afar this time, that's all." He hoped it would get a smile or at least an amused huff but instead he got nothing as Steve stubbornly kept his head ducked pointedly not looking at him. "I know how close it was babe."
Steve drew in a sharp inhale at Danny's 'I know how close it was babe' as he had not completely reconciled just how close he had come to bring beheaded as there really had only been seconds to spare. He exhaled slowly and looked up at Danny through his lashes before he raised his head as it was kind of hard to see when his eyes were still so swollen and painfully sore. "I wish you hadn't." He admitted hating himself for feeling the way he did considering how Danny had travelled to Afghanistan, gotten the NAVY to rescue him from the Taliban, and stayed with him from the moment he got airlifted back to base.
"What?" The word came out in a rush as Danny did not know how to take what Steve had said.
"I wish you hadn't had to see it." Steve spoke carefully as it took a few moments for his brain to catch up with how his words came across. "I am glad you are here but I am sorry that you had to come all this way." He tried to explain although his fuzzy, sleep deprived, pain riddled, brain was not functioning fully. Absentmindedly he stretched his fingers out and brushed his fingertips against the soft, fluffy, arm of the grey sweater that Danny was wearing and had been wearing ever since he had roused in the base infirmary.
Danny let out the breath that he was holding as Steve clarified what it was that he was trying to say. "I wish that you did not have to go through it babe." He was hesitant to say it but it was the truth, it was how he felt and he was not going to start hiding how he felt from Steve.
Steve's fingertips stilled for a few seconds against the soft fabric of Danny's sweater as he wanted to sob at Danny's words because he knew they were genuine and it only reminded him of how much Danny cared about him even though at times it was detrimental to him however he could not let himself be seen as weak when there were MP's watching their every move. "I am sorry that I put you through this again." As much as he did not regret travelling to Afghanistan to help Catherine he could not help feel bitter about how things had turned out which he knew was not fair as it had been his choice. "You came to North Korea and now Afghanistan." A shiver ran up his spine making him tremble as he hated thinking about North Korea as he had blindly (stupidly) let Jenna lead him into one of Wo Fat's traps.
Past trauma had clearly been awoken for Steve, Danny thought heavily as he hated how much Steve suffered and he wondered how much of that trauma was undefined and unprocessed. "I know you would do the same for me Steve." He knew that Steve would go beyond what he had if the roles were reversed and that was in part why it was so easy to rally whoever he had to and get on a plane to travel to whatever far away place Steve had travelled to.
"I would." Steve replied earnestly without a second of hesitation as his fingers absentmindedly resumed their lazy movements across the fabric. He looked (glared) at the two MP's seeing that they were still checking on him and Danny but not watching constantly like they had been doing for the first part of the flight. He groaned as he stretched his legs out in front of him as his entire body was stiff not to mention bruised deeply from the ill treatment he had sustained and the horrid cramped conditions on the plane were not helping him but he figured at least he was not cuffed and detained like some people were on long flights like the one they were on. "I'm fine." He hurried to assure Danny as he did not miss the heightened concern that quickly flashed on his face. "Everything is just tight." He clarified sensing that he needed too and he saw the heightened concern give way to understanding. "This is such a mess."
A light snort left Danny as what Steve said was an understatement as it was a lot more than just a mess. "You can say that again babe." He had no qualms about confirming it. "How much trouble are you in really?" The question had been on his mind ever since Steve had woken up and had the riot act read to him while he was still lying in that flimsy bed as he was well aware of what happened after North Korea considering Joe was forcibly retired (although it had not stopped the man nor did Danny think he would ever slow down).
It was Steve's turn to snort although it came out so hoarse that it made him cough which caused the dull ache to ramp up several notches until he got it under control and Danny had procured a bottle of water from somewhere, opened it and pushed it into his hand. He took a few small mouthfuls once he was sure that he was not going to cough and choke on the water but he had to admit that it helped as he had not realised how parched he was. "I don't know..." He admitted quietly before he took a few more sips of water. "I could get a formal reprimand or a letter could be put in my file or that verbal reprimand could be the end of it." He had not gone to Afghanistan with any sort of thinking of how it would turn out as he certainly had not expected to get separated from Catherine or end up in the hands of the Taliban who had been only seconds away from beheading him on camera when a SEAL team had burst in which had been organised by Danny who had travelled all the way to Afghanistan for him. "If anything happens then I will deal with it."
If only it was that simple, Danny thought briefly as he hated when there was nothing to do but wait and see however that might have been a view he had developed after years of sitting on stake outs for hours on end. "We will get through whatever comes if it does. You know that right?" He wanted Steve to know that he had the support whatever, if anything, may come from his and Catherine's trip to Afghanistan.
A soft smile tugged at the corner of Steve's lips as he knew that Danny would be there. "I do." He confirmed with ease as he did not need to be told that but at the same time it was nice to hear.
"Why don't you try and get some sleep babe?" Danny figured if Steve could get some sleep then it would help him not only physically but mentally.
Steve grimaced as he did not feel comfortable enough to sleep and he knew by the time they landed in Honolulu that it would be late meaning he could have a shower and curl up in bed. "We will be landing about 10pm and I don't want to spend the rest of the night lying awake." He admitted even though he was running on very little sleep as he and Catherine had hit the ground running in the search for the kid and he had not rested well in the infirmary after he had woken to Danny sitting beside his bed. "But it doesn't mean you can't nap Danno."
Sometimes it really was hard to argue with Steve's logic (okay most of the time) but on this particular occasion Danny actually agreed as he had a rather in depth conversation with his doctor during his yearly physical when the subject of his sleeping habits or rather his insomnia had come up and the doctor had mentioned that he needed to try and keep his circadian rhythm as best as he could as it naturally regulated the sleep - wake cycle. Of course at the time Danny had snorted and rolled his eyes at the doctor because the life of a cop especially a Detective on the Five 0 taskforce was not exactly a nine to five job but it also did not mean that Danny had not at least tried to heed the doctor's advice at times. "What makes you think I want to spend the rest of the night lying awake babe?" He asked teasingly as he intended to get Steve home and settled before he went to his, took a long hot indulgent shower, and then crawled into his own bed and buried himself under the blankets until well after the sun had come up.
A light chuckle left Steve at the snarkiness in Danny's tone but it softened into a fond smile. "I haven't seen that sweater before Danno." It looked really cosy although he certainly was not going to say that aloud.
"I am not going to wear a sweater in eighty to ninety degree weather (twenty seven to thirty two degrees Celsius) as I have no desire to get heat stroke." Danny exclaimed raising his voice just high enough for the MP's to look over and frown at him and he quickly waved his hand at them signalling them to stand down.
Steve snorted at the way Danny waved his hand at the MP's as he had long since named the gesture 'the stand down you excitable animal' when it was aimed at him but he quickly renamed it 'the stand down you meat heads' for this occasion. "I don't think that is a good idea Danno." He murmured quietly knowing that the MP's would not be as patient as he was.
Danny liked to rile Steve up at times but he decided not to this time as they were on a military transport plane thousands of feet in the air and the MP's were pissed off enough at them for having to be on babysitting duty although he was pretty sure that they did not need to be babysat once they had been escorted on the plane but that was the Army for you. "Well I won't say it didn't work." The MP's had sat back down and gone back to whatever it was that they had been doing with the wave of his hand. "If only you responded as well as they do to that stand down hand signal. They are certainly well trained in the Army babe." He grinned as he watched Steve roll his eyes and he knew he was not upset given the smirk on his face.
"So this is a Jersey sweater then?" Steve circled back round to the topic as there was something fascinating about seeing Danny in a sweater and it was like his fingers had a mind of their own as they could not stop running over the soft fabric of the sweater.
The fascination was amusing to Danny and he was not going to stop it although he had to wonder how much of the lingering pain medication was contributing to Steve's curiosity about his sweater. "It is." He answered easily. "I didn't bring many of my winter clothes with me when I moved but this sweater was one of the few that I just could not leave behind."
Steve nodded his head thoughtfully but before he could respond there was a bout of turbulence that had him sucking in a sharp breath as he got knocked about and his shoulder was jostled.
"Babe?" Danny did not miss the grimace on Steve's face as they both struggled against the turbulence and he hastily tried to steady Steve without hurting him which was no easy feat given how bruised and beaten he was. "Easy babe, easy."
"Can you tighten the strap of my sling please?" Steve asked through gritted teeth as he regretted loosening his strap surreptitiously when he had first sat down on the plane while Danny was fussing with making himself comfortable although there really was no such thing as comfort on a military transport.
The turbulence finally stopped for which Danny was grateful for as he heard and immediately actioned Steve's request. "You loosened it, didn't you?" He asked as the sling was definitely looser than the doctor had set it at but in all fairness he probably would have loosened it too as the sling had been set so tight that it was probably making the pain worse. "Actually I know you did." He did not wait for Steve to answer as he carefully adjusted the strap of the sling as the last thing he wanted to do was increase Steve's pain.
A weary smile tugged at the corner of Steve's swollen lips but it vanished just as quickly as it had appeared. He leaned back into Danny the moment the strap was fixed and the warmth soaking in helped his aching. "You haven't heard from her, have you?" He asked keeping his voice as low as he could so that it did not carry and he avoided using Catherine's name as the association would not be hard to figure out given that the suspicions were already out there amongst them.
Danny wished he had better news but there had been nothing from Catherine since that single phone call that told him that Steve was in trouble, and he knew that Lou had been trying on and off whilst he had been on his way to rescue and stay with Steve. "I'm sorry babe but Lou had been trying since I left the island." The team had tried tracking the satellite phone and whatever else they could try that would not raise any questions. "We're doing everything we can but when I spoke to her she was safe."
The thing was if Catherine did not want to be found then she wouldn't be found even with the best efforts of his team, and while it saddened him he also knew that it was who she was. He let out a heavy sigh and scrubbed his hand over his face, wincing as he hit all of the bruises as he did, and he let himself lean a little bit more into Danny's side feeling as Danny shifted just enough to accommodate him. "We shouldn't look for her." He said with a heavier sigh that had some resignation in it although it did not mean that he did not think about taking a few days to rest and recover at home before he flew back to Afghanistan as the warning he got did not worry him when Catherine was still in Afghanistan.
"I am sure that she will reach out when she can babe." Danny murmured and hoped that his words would be accurate as Steve would remain unsettled until he heard from Catherine. "We're on our way home and we still have a number of hours to go on this laborious flight babe." The 'next time we are flying coach' was on the tip of his tongue but he thought better of it as Steve's fingertips found their way to the sleeve of his sweater again which amused him endlessly, and he made a mental note to see if his Ma could buy and send a few in his and Steve's sizes to him considering how much Steve seemed to like them.
"How long do we actually have to go?" Steve furrowed his forehead as he had lost track of time.
Danny spared a glance at Steve's watch that was on his wrist for the time being as it had been found when he was rescued and he did not want it to get lost. "We've still got at least four and a half hours to go." He wished it was less as the flight was taking it's toll on Steve just like everything else had. "Though I have got to say this flight is a lot better than the one to Afghanistan." And he was not ashamed to admit that it was because of the fact that while Steve was bruised and battered at least he was sat beside him instead of the unknown.
There was a lot of making up to do, that much was clear to Steve, and he realised that he had put Danny through hell once again. "I am really sorry Danno." He murmured as he shifted his legs again out in front of him and inadvertently knocked his feet against Danny's. "I didn't mean to put you through this again."
The sincerity in Steve's apology made Danny feel guilty as the last thing Steve needed was to feel guilty about worrying him when he was the one who had been captured by the Taliban and subjected to something unexplainable. "Steve..." He started then stopped as he was not quite sure what to say but he had to figure it out quickly. "I don't care what I go through as long as you are okay and right now I know you are not entirely okay but I know that you are going to recover from this... Right now I am just relieved that I got to you and you are sitting next to me."
A soft smile tugged on Steve's lips but it quickly faltered as he felt the split in his lip open back up and a dribble of blood ran down his chin. "You're the best Danno." He murmured but he meant it as Danno really was the best. "Talk to me about something... please." He let his eyelids slide closed as he rested his head back against the metal behind his head even though the vibration of it made his headache worse.
Danny smiled softly as he rummaged through his bag with one hand until he found the small travel pack of tissues and pulled one out. "Let me get rid of that blood first. Just stay right where you are babe." He warned Steve first before he dabbed the folded tissue against the slight stream of blood that was about to drip off of Steve's chin. "That's better babe." He haphazardly stuffed the bloodied tissue back into the front pocket of his bag as he had an inkling that Steve would need it again as that split lip was going to be problematic. "Any topic requests?"
Steve exhaled slowly and rolled his head so that his face was in Danny's direction without raising his eyelids. "Anything." He murmured as he did not mind what it was that Danny was speaking about although he hoped he kept it at a low volume as his headache seemed to be getting worse but he supposed he had earnt that.
A light momentary chuckle left Danny at Steve's license to talk about anything he wanted too and while he could talk about Steve's lack of procedure and his knack for getting himself in trouble he decided it was best to leave those topics until he could yell without causing Steve more pain and when they did not have an armed audience, and instead he decided to go with the topic that bought them both joy and that topic was his precious monkey. "We are going to get home just in time babe."
"Why's that?" Steve asked unmoving as he resisted the urge to put his head down to rest on Danny's shoulder mainly because it would mean contorting his already aching body which would not do him any good.
"Grace gets back from her school camp." Danny reminded Steve as the man could be forgiven for not recalling it.
A slight smirk showed on Steve's face but he remained silent as he knew Danny would carry the conversation just like he wanted.
"And she is going to be overtired and starving because she wouldn't have gotten any sleep and food on school camps is always awful. So once she has a nice hot shower because the showers are lukewarm at best if one gets in early enough at camp and is all cosied up in her pyjamas settled on the couch, I figured you and I could join her. I am going to make pasta with chicken sausage, zucchini, diced peppers, cheese and spinach, and then if Grace is still awake a little later then we will have ice cream sundaes." He had learned years ago with his younger siblings that shower, food and sleep were the order of things after they returned from a school camp and that was still as prevalent years later with Grace going to camp. "We will eat dinner and watch a movie, and have a night for the three of us."
Steve knew what it was that Danny was doing which was taking care of him in the Williams' way and keeping an eye on him all at once. "Danny..." He began only to be cut off as Danny shushed him.
Danny rolled his eyes as he knew exactly what Steve was going to say. "Nonsense Steven." He cut Steve off. "You are going to come with me to pick up Grace from school and we are going back to yours. And she will ask what happened and we will tell her that you got hurt while you were helping someone which you did but that you are going to be fine with a lot of rest." He did not like to lie to Grace and he knew Steve did not either however it did not feel like one so he did not see it as one. "And in the morning if you and Grace are not cranky then I will let you go for a swim after we have pancakes with chocolate chips and bananas for breakfast." He did not miss the smile that disappeared as quickly as it appeared on Steve's face because of the pain it caused him. Sometimes the easiest way to get through to Steve was to do it with food, and suddenly he heard his Ma's voice saying 'sometimes the only way to get through to men is through their stomachs'.
Steve was resigned to his fate as it was clear that Danny was not going to accept anything else other than complete compliance but then again the man had rallied the military and travelled to Afghanistan for him so he really could not give into him. "Okay Danno." He agreed uneasily just as a bout of turbulence rattled them again. "I don't know how I ever used to sleep on one of these." Ambien was handed out freely as it was a part of their travel kits so maybe he did know.
"I don't know either babe. You think we could afford something more comfortable when we are sending you around the world to fight." Danny cringed at his own words as the last thing he wanted to think about was Steve being shipped out on some mission far away from him. "But you are not going anywhere so that is not something we have to worry about." He let his hand skim up and come to a rest at the nape of Steve's neck and he let his thumb brush across the heated skin.
A small smile tugged at the corner of Steve's lips but he was quickly reminded of the deep split in his lip which quickly dimmed it. "I do have to complete my reserves training sometime soon." One weekend at Pearl every so often was what he had to do to remain active but at least he remained on the island so Danny did not need to worry about him leaving the island with the NAVY although he kept it to himself that he was thinking about going back to Afghanistan in search of Catherine once he had a day or two to pull himself together enough to be what he needed to be, to be what she needed him to be in the moment.
Danny's thumb momentarily stuttered at Steve's reminder that he had to go to reserves training as he had been remiss to forget about it. "It doesn't require you to leave the island so that is fine." He murmured seriously as nothing ever good came from Steve leaving the island unsupervised.
Steve chuckled although it quickly turned into a pained groan as it made the aches flare everywhere. "Uh don't make me laugh Danno." He held his restrained arm a little tighter to his body in an effort to alleviate some of the painful jostling.
"Sorry babe." Danny resumed the ministrations of his thumb across the nape of Steve's neck making a mental note to keep an eye on his temperature as the last thing Steve needed to contend with was an infection given everything that was done in the infirmary to prevent it. "Why don't you lean against me babe?" He hoped that Steve would accept the offer but he knew he would not given the small audience that they had and he could understand it given the history of the military despite there being nothing to it.
The offer had Steve swallowing thickly as he desperately wanted the comfort that resting against Danny like they usually would bought but he couldn't allow himself it especially when he was under the watchful eye of the MP's. "I'm good." He murmured softly and regretfully.
A snort left Danny as the words 'fine' and 'good' were not ones that he liked coming out of an injured Steve's mouth. "We are going to get you home and once you have rested up for a few days we will figure things out. And Kono and Chin will keep us up to date until I and a medical professional with a degree that takes years to get sign off on you returning to work. No arguing with me on this, not this time at least, babe." We will find her or at least have more information was what was being implied but went unsaid.
Steve knew what Danny was doing and he appreciated it even though he felt a little helpless. His unrestrained hand found its way back to the sleeve of Danny's sweater and his fingertips set about brushing over the beautifully soft fabric absentmindedly once again as he really liked the sweater and Danny in the sweater. It was like getting a glimpse of winter Jersey Danny and for some unknown reason that was as calming as it was comforting. "You came all the way to Afghanistan. You saved me again Danno." The words came from his mouth in nothing more than a whisper so much so that they got lost in the noise of the operations of the plane and they came without filtering.
Danny rolled his eyes only this time it was not in exasperation but rather it was in fondness as it was amusing to watch Steve be so fascinated with something as simple as the fabric of his sweater. He relaxed momentarily as he figured that it was best to let Steve continue to ran his fingers over the sleeve of his sweater and despite how much he wanted to ask what was going on in that big pulchritudinous brain of Steve's he refrained letting the silence settle between them for the moment. And he was thankful that the outcome had been that he was bringing Steve home alive albeit a little battered and bruised and not decapitated in a body bag which could have so nearly been the outcome. They had a few more hours to go being stuck on the plane with their babysitters but with every minute they got closer to being back home and for now that was all Danny could ask for.
*MP = Military Police