Chapter Text
Toji rolled over to your side of the bed to hold you closer to his body. He didn’t like how far away you strayed from him during the night. Naturally you both slept on your backs, however you stretched to all corners of the mattress while he slept stockstill. You managed to make it work, but Toji craved to have you in his arms even with your ever stretching tendencies.
Toji scooped you by the waist and dragged you to his side.
“Mmm too close,” you mumbled, half asleep. You pushed his face away from the top of your head with no real strength. His grip only got tighter and grumbled at your protest.
“Fucking impossible.”
A few minutes later Toji peeled one eye open to look at you. Your leg was draped around his waist, your fingers running over his chest idly. He thought you would’ve been snoring by now.
“What’s wrong?”
You popped your head up to look at him. You hand cupped his cheek and you smiled that lopsided grin he loved so much. It was like your face was loading up a smile, starting on one side before stretching over to the next. “Nothing’s wrong, baby. I just can't believe we’re living together now.”
You have been living with Toji for a few weeks after a few months of dating. Before, your weekend stays extended into the workweek, with your growing side of the closet and personal items all around his house without you even realizing it. Toji felt more relaxed knowing that you were coming home to him, and you didn’t mind when he asked you to just…not go back to your place.
“Everything you need is with me”, he used to say, and when you looked around you found out that he was right. His place was even a closer commute to your job than your own was. Megumi, his son who was away for school, wasn't surprised to see the change when he came home to visit. He figured since you were the only woman he has actually seen his dad show interest in, it was bound to happen. Megumi liked you a lot, and he could tell that you were good for his dad.
You and Toji fit each other like snug puzzle pieces. Different, but not incompatible. Toji enjoyed the way that you were always arm’s length away, that he could put his chin on your shoulder while you did mundane tasks. Or if he was feeling even more clingy, ask you to do whatever you needed to while you sat in his lap. He couldn’t do that nearly as much if you were still at your place. When you were away he would find himself humming a tune he had no idea where he got it from, until he heard you singing it softly in the shower. Or how he actually developed a semi-normal sleep schedule when you would stay up with him for multiple nights in a row just because you wanted to spend more time together.
His personal favorite is seeing you walking around the house with nothing but his clothes on. Your thighs or shoulders exposed when you had only his t-shirts on. His sweatpants and hoodies drowning you in fabric. He’d imagined all the surfaces he could bend you over in, and then realized that he could make those daydreams a reality, and you let him. It might’ve been a major step taken quickly to others, but Toji felt like it was entirely needed. He loved you.
You peppered his face with soft kisses that tickled his skin. You loved the high of his cheekbones, the flat strip between his eyebrows, the scar on his lip. Toji accepted your onslaught shower of affection until he turned his head to capture your lips, making you both fall into a deep kiss. His tongue hungrily slid into your mouth, and you shifted the rest of your body to lay on top of him. His hands ran up your legs, gripping your ass and massaging it while you started to grind yourself on his crotch. Toji knew immediately what you were trying to do.
“I thought you had work in the morning,” he grumbled. He usually wouldn’t give a damn, but it was so hard for you to get up in the mornings even with plenty of sleep. If you continued to rub up on him he would not be able to hold back for much longer.
“I do,” you said in between kisses. You stamped your lips on his jaw, down the tendons of his neck, and gave kitten licks to his sternum. Toji never slept with a shirt on because he was always as hot as a furnace, so there were no interruptions for your mouth. You bit and sucked on his chest, thumbing his nipple, feeling it get hard under your touch and you flick the other one with your tongue. “Let’s do one quick round.”
“You said you were sore earlier today,” Toji remarked. He was already painfully hard from all your teasing. He didn’t bother removing your panties from your body, only scrunching the fabric covering your dripping sex to the side and eased two fingers inside of you. You sighed and lifted your hips so he could please you better while you palmed his length in his pants. Your eyes fluttered closed and you hummed.
“I was but I feel better now. If we only do it once I'll be okay.”
“Are you trying to convince me or yourself?” He asked with a wicked grin. You smiled back at him, and he watched his cock disappear in your pussy slowly but surely. There was a soft glow in the room coming from the full moon hanging low outside of the bedroom window, but it was plenty enough to watch the soft curves of your body stretch and contract from your coupling. He watch you fuck yourself, the way you reached for his hands to steady yourself, the way your knees held his waist tighter while you swiveled your hips faster. Your eyebrows were drawn together, and your bottom lip was held between your teeth.
Toji allows you to control the tempo. He liked to watch you use him and he shouldn’t push you too hard tonight. But when your breathy moans started to call out his name, and you opened your eyes back up to look down at him he felt his stomach flip around. You were dripping all over him and the bedding, and with that you reached to rub your clit. Toji took a sharp breath in. You clenched around him with every brush over your sensitive bud. You were really only after your own pleasure, grinding on him rather than riding, circling your clit faster. After letting go of your other hand, Toji guided your waist to have your hips to rock sensually on him. He moved your hand off of your sex, wanting to make you come himself and you slowed your speed to which he reprimanded you for.
“Did I say to stop moving?”
“Toji, I’m gonna–”
“Come for me,” he stated. His thumb applied a harder pressure on your clit. You shuddered, your fingernails digging into his skin and you threw your head back. Toji finally got up from his back and licked your exposed skin on your neck. His tongue ran over the bumps of tendons under the skin and you wrapped your arms around his shoulders, pulling him closer. Soft cries rang in his ears, making him fuck you from below faster. You muttered his name repeatedly in broken syllables that ended with your lips on his mouth.
If you had your eyes open you could see the way he gazed at you falling apart in his arms. Toji would do anything to make sure that it was something that only he could view when you were ready to commit to forever. Sometimes it feels like you are so agreeable, never arguing when he takes the relationship to another level, so he had to remind himself not to be too pushy. He took it that you were just as happy as he was and had to reel himself back sometimes.
Toji felt the sporadic pulse from your sex and knew that you were coming before you said it again. He silenced your wails with another kiss, drinking you quietly so you wouldn’t wake up Megumi even though he was across the house. Whenever you came he wasn’t too far off himself, and you still swiveled your hips through your high and coaxed him to fill you up.
“Please, Toji? I need it inside.”
He huffed out a tight laugh. “You need it?”
“Y-yesss. Give me what’s mine,” you ordered, and he was all too happy to oblige. You dropped your head in the junction of his neck, biting his shoulder when he came inside of you. You could feel him dripping out from the seams and you stayed wrapped around him to catch your breath.
After five minutes of sitting in his lap Toji tried to remove himself from you but you protested.
“Don’t move,” you whined. You almost fell asleep and it would be too jarring to separate now.
“I need to clean you up,” Toji argued. You peeked your head out from under his jaw and complained again. “And now you only have six hours to sleep. You stop functioning when you have less than seven.”
“You think you know me so well,” you tease. Toji hooked his arm around your waist and swung his leg over the bed, standing up with you still on his cock. You gasped loudly, every step he took to the bathroom sending shocks straight to your spot and stars bursted in your vision.
Toji was trying to do the right thing, he swears, but when he sat you on the counter and your locked your legs around him, his original plan to clean you up got lost in translation, which meant he fucked you again until your face was tear stained. When you finally wore yourself out you only had five hours left to sleep.
Just as expected, it was impossible to get you to wake up in the morning. You snored loudly until Toji nudged your cheek right at 6AM but got no response. He tried again, removing your face that was stuffed in his chest and rolling on your back.
“I told you we should have gone to sleep earlier.”
After the third round he had his hand on your neck and your calves on his shoulders, effectively flattening you into the bed. It was a great experience in the moment, one that you didn’t regret, but now you had to deal with the consequences.
“Give me ten more minutes,” you muffled.
“You said that last time and ended up being late. Come on, you have to get out of bed.” Toji tugged your ankle until you opened one eye at him. His hair fell over his eyebrows the same way it always did, his face in a slight frown . At this point you know that it’s his natural resting face. Always slightly disappointed but you know it was to hide just how much he cares. You let him take your foot in his lap and he massaged the balls of your feet.
“I’ll make you breakfast. I don’t want to leave you and you slip under again.”
“Yeah, I’m getting up,” you sighed. You shift out of his hold and finally put your feet on the ground. “I’m not going to be late again. I’m fine with anything you make for breakfast,” you said, kissing the top of his head as he was still sitting down on the bed and he pulled you back by your arm.
“What kinda kiss was that?”
You smile when he drags you down for a deeper kiss. His mouth was minty, showing that he’s already been up before you and you licked your lips when you separated.
“That’s better,” he grumbled, then smacked your ass as you walked to the bathroom.
You hopped into the bathroom, speeding through your morning routine to whirl into the closet for your work attire. You were lucky, you only needed to wear all black, and your personal style slowly morphed into it to make things easier for yourself. You quickly shimmied on a black maxi dress that subtly clung to your curves and a black knitted shrug to cover your shoulders. You went back to the bathroom, doing your makeup and keeping an eye on the time. After twenty minutes of measuring your eyeliner to make sure they were even, you gathered your purse, double checked your wallet and keys, then headed to the kitchen.
Toji stood at the stove, sans his shirt, watching the eggs on the pan carefully. He was cooking them just the way you liked, sunny side up but only slightly runny. You creeped up behind him, slipping your arms around his waist and stamping your lips on his shoulder. Your lipstick left a mark on his skin that you smiled at.
“There’s that bread you like in the toaster,” he informed you, opening the pot to check on the steamed eggs.
“Mmm, thank you,” you said. The toaster popped up, and you grabbed a plate to set it on. He even mashed and seasoned an avocado to spread, along with thinly sliced tomatoes.
“Is Megumi up? I’m gonna finish the whole thing if I don’t have to share,” you warned.
Toji placed an egg on your sourdough slice over your tomato. You patted his cheek as another thanks. “The kid’s fine. He’s been eating oatmeal a lot lately.”
“Like father, like son,” you chuckled with your mouth full. You caught a glimpse of the time on the stove and nearly choked. Toji’s soothing hand was immediately on your back as you gulped down tea that was made for you. You winced at the taste, peering into the cup to see a golden liquid sloshing back and forth. “Is this chamomile?”
“Yeah,” He answered slowly. He watched as you got a glass of water to wash down the rest of your food, confused at your reaction. “Is it bad? Does tea ever expire?”
“No. I just… I don’t like chamomile. And you don’t drink tea so I wasn’t expecting to find it here.” You took another huge bite of your food, trying to scarf it down to get out before you actually were late.
Toji gave you an empty stare that made you slow your chewing. You looked down at your clothes and stared widely back at him. “What? Is there something on my face?”
“Shit, no, sorry. I have no idea why I thought it was your favorite. I bought it… for you.”
You gave him an apologetic smile. To be fair, you never explicitly told him about it before, only that you liked chai. Little mistakes were bound to happen the closer you two got and you were rather excited for it. Soon you both would know all of each other’s idiosyncrasies.
“It’s fine. No big deal, really. I’ll see you when I come back home, right?”
Home. It rolled off your tongue so easily it pulled Toji out of his head. He accepted the kiss you gave him on the cheek and took another one straight from your lips.
“Yeah, I’ll be here. Want me to drive you?”
“Can’t let you do everything for me. I’ll become useless,” you laughed. “Okay, bye, seriously. Tell Megs I said good morning. I love you!”
You were out of the door before he could say anything else, and the sound of your car starting up and getting farther away let him know that you left. Toji stared at the mug left on the counter, then at the tea box he used to make you the drink. Soft footsteps creaked down the stairs and Toji was quietly greeted by his son who mumbled a good morning. His bed head was even wilder than its normal style, the spikes separating into a million little parts. It looked like Megumi was struck by lightning.
“Do you like chamomile?”
Megumi blinked slowly, trying to understand the question his father asked him but it was taking a while to process. He squinted at the yellow box in Toji’s hand and shook his head as an answer.
“What’s for breakfast?”
There was only one other person in his life that he knew that drank chamomile. He has kept the memory of her locked deep inside of the crevices of his mind, but even Toji is susceptible to a Freudian slip. You may not have liked chamomile tea, but his late wife sure did. Toji cleared his throat before answering.
“Oatmeal. There’s some egg on the stove if you want some.”
Toji left his son alone after giving him breakfast. Usually the meals the two shared together were in a comfortable silence. They were two individuals who could enjoy each other’s presence without saying a word, and he loved that he could do that with his son. However, Toji was more drawn to the basement of his house than the company of Megumi.
Behind a heavy steel safe door there were some items worth locking away from both you and Megumi’s eyes, like weapons stacks of cash for emergencies, but even deeper inside the safe there was a ring in the far corner. The small gold band looked foreign to Toji as he rolled it between his fingers. He was a different man during then, someone who was blissfully happy and underestimated just how far the Zen’in clan would punish him for just existing.
He saved up for two years to get her a ring. Two years of odd jobs and shitty ramen packets to buy what he really wanted. She said that it didn’t matter, that they didn’t need physical proof to show that they will always be together but he wanted the world to know. He’s always been prideful in that sense. Toji slipped the ring on his finger and the cool metal sent a chill down his spine. Such a familiar feeling, yet it felt like a lifetime ago.
“Hey Dad, I’m gonna head out! Me, Yuuji, and Nobara are going to the movies and then walking around the mall.”
“Yeah, go ahead. Call me when you get there,” Toji shouted back.
“What are you doing down there?” Megumi asked, and Toji heard his footfalls coming down the stairs. He gently placed the ring back in its corner and locked the safe once again.
When Megumi reached the bottom Toji looked like he just grabbed cleaning supplies. A bucket, mop, and a bottle of bleach filled his hands and Megumi was relieved.
“Stop snooping on me kid unless you want to help.”
“I’m good. See you later?” Megumi was already halfway up the stairs.
“Call me when you get there. And I mean call me, not text. I need to make sure it’s you,” Toji yelled after him.
“Stop nagging, I’ll call.”
Toji has his son back. He’s managed to find someone that he loves once again. Today was a little blip, something that could easily be fixed. He didn’t need to dwell on the past. When he left the basement, Toji didn’t look back to think about the what ifs.
~~
Toji mixed up facts with you and his wife a total of five times before you started to question it. He grimaced after each supposed favorite or dislike of yours wasn’t really yours, and when the flash of confusion swept over your face it was like a punch to his gut.
“Is my sister feeding you the wrong information on purpose?” You joked, but the laugh was strained. Something’s were stuff that you had mentioned, multiple times before, and you know that Toji has a great memory. Toji would apologize and make up for the mistake by spoiling you with one gift or another, but it still gnawed at him. He needed to get it together.
Despite Toji’s better efforts to focus on you better, memories of his wife pushed to the forefront of his mind, even sleep couldn’t save him. When the weather unexpectedly drops he’s reminded of how much he misses his wife.
But the cold doesn’t hold any good memories for Toji Fushiguro. When the weather changed, he kept his head low and his hands shoved in his pocket when walking outside to ignore the frost that reminded him of some of the worst nights of his life. Perhaps it started when he was dumped in a punishment pit at the young age of 5 for standing up against his uncles’ cruel insults about his late mother while it was freezing cold, so cold that the blood from his busted lip glued his mouth shut despite the hot tears running down his face. Or maybe it was the memory of giving up his son in a moment of weakness.
Toji remembered leaving agreement with puffs of his breath wafting in front of him like little ghosts, and he swore he saw the face of Megumi in one of them while he tried to convince himself that it didn’t matter. That nothing mattered. But Toji knew the reason, the main reason why he hated the cold. It haunted his dreams whenever he thought that he would finally get a restful night of sleep, replaying itself over and over again in his mind until he avoided sleep altogether, opting to stay dead on his feet than to enter his own personal hell.
Right now Toji knew that he was in his bed sleeping deep in his home, very far removed from the event yet still… still he was reminded of his greatest failure. Awake in the dream he saw sticky, gray snow and the night sky. It was all he could see for miles on end, falling quietly like a whisper of death. Crisp cold air filled his lungs, dried his tongue, watered his eyes. It was a dream and he knew it, because this scene has played out before. He knows how this ends and he doesn’t want to participate. Toji screws his eyes shut and opens them again, but still the snow falls.
There’s a light on the horizon. It started small, a little pinprick of a blinding stream that shone directly in his eye, and it called for him. It called his name in a voice that clenched his heart and twisted it out of his chest. The voice was weak, confused, scared . It begged, she begged, Toji’s wife begged for him. She was in pain, Toji could hear the quivering in her voice. She was unable to complete a full sentence without her voice giving out to broken pleas.
The beam grew in size, beckoning as he had been lost at sea for a very long time now, a ghost ship with no passengers. He ran as fast as he could, his arm outstretched to catch the light that filled his soul and the wind whipped his face. The snow slowed him down, swallowing his feet until he was heaving his legs out of it knee deep, but that wouldn’t stop him. She was just at the end of the road. He could see her again and that was enough for him to keep trying even if the ending was always the same.
Toji collapsed in the frigid earth. The light was gone, her voice swarmed all around him, and the snow was no longer white. The sheet of white at his feet was broken by something far more sinister. Crimson blood bloomed with her voice growing louder, terrified of what’s to come. Toji’s fingers felt raw from scooping the snow up like a madman. He was shivering and sweating and crying all at the same time, desperate to finally get her back. He dug until he reached soil and dug further. They promised themselves to each other at their wedding, yet he was still here without her. His wife’s blood on his hands that bled for her painted the snow until it lost all purity and he was left alone with her coffin, reminded once again how he was too late. He couldn't change anything this time and he never will. He stared at the coffin, the snow covering it in a blanket, slowly undoing all of his work.
Toji did not wake up with a start, however he refused to open his eyes when he woke, because the white ceiling above him would remind of how the snow falls. It did nothing to stop the tears that escaped. Always so perceptive when it comes to him you woke because of the shift of energy, immediately trying to see what was wrong. You hovered over Toji’s face, gently wiping away his tears and tried to coax him awake.
“Toji? Baby? Talk to me. It’s just a dream,” you murmured. As tired as you were you wanted to make sure he was alright. Toji peeled his eyes open and your face filled his frame. You squinted down at him, still being dragged down with sleep, and you frowned slightly. “This is your third nightmare this week. What’s wrong?”
An innocent question. The answer would break you if he said it out loud. Instead he wrapped his arms around your body and rolled over, resting his entire weight on top of you and buried his face in your neck.
“M’fine. You need to sleep.”
You were doubtful. Toji was deflecting again, but you didn’t know how else to get him to confide in you. He adjusted your arms so that they wouldn’t go numb under him and rested his head again, clearly closing the conversation before it even started.
“ We need to sleep, and you can tell me anything, Toji. I mean it. I’m always here for you. I love you.”
Such a sweet girl. How Toji got blessed with people like you was with all shit he’s done was beyond him. He lifted his head up to look at your face, pushing your bonnet off of your eyebrows to look at you fully. You waited expectantly, hopefully. Toji sighed and touched his forehead with yours.
“I only have one regret in my life. It costed someone’s life, and I don’t know why the fuck it’s on replay these days but it’s nothing you need to worry about.”
“Is it your wife?” You whispered. “I don’t mind talking about her if it helps you.”
He sucked a sharp breath in, his eyes screwed shut. The floodgates were open, and he couldn’t get them to close again. If he shut the conversation down right now it would shit on the attempt you made to be understanding towards him, but was it the last thing he wanted to talk about with you. His dead lover to his new lover. What a twisted joke.
A knot filled with all the things he wants to say but can’t grew in the back of his throat, making it hard to breathe. “Yeah.”
“Losing someone is hard, I know that much. If your anniversary is coming up, the memories are gonna keep coming back. Don’t feel like you need to suppress them because I’m here. Be honest to yourself, go through the motions, and come back to me when you're ready.”
Toji felt overwhelmed with emotion, not really sure which one he wanted to point out. He nodded, his head moving yours, then gave you a kiss. It was tentative at first, unsure if it was the right thing to do, then Toji got greedy, drinking you hungrily until you were panting. Your fingernails scraped his nape, tugging his hair to get him off of your mouth so he went for your neck instead.
“T-toji,” you whimpered. Your voice sounded too close to hers and it made him freeze. He stared at you like a deer in headlights. He snapped out of it himself, imagining how he must’ve looked to you and shook his head.
“Sorry. C’mere.”
He held you in his arms laying on your side, being the big spoon for once since you have been sleeping together. You stretched your fingers across his bicep, and you couldn’t help but to wonder who he really saw while kissing you.
The nightmares didn’t stop. In fact, they got worse, often waking you up later and later into the night, and it would take a while to wake Toji out of them. Your body suffered because of it, your coworkers commenting on how dead on your feet you looked and often sticking you in the back to retrieve dresses than to subject customers to your constant yawning.
Toji started to sleep in the living room because of it. You were being overly considerate, not telling him how much of a toll he was taking on your body but he could see it. The deep eye bags, the slow reactions, the half smiles. This was something he needed to get through alone. He’d wake up shivering in the dark even with the blankets you snuck over to lay over him.
One night he rose from the snow to find you on the other end of the couch sleeping. Your legs tangled up with his under blankets, and he gently tried to remove himself to not wake you. There was only ten minutes left before your alarm was supposed to go off, so Toji spent that time staring at your face. He squatted on the floor beside you, ghosting the planes of lips until it was time.
“What are you doing here?” He asked after rubbing the bridge of your nose enough for you to wake up. You groaned, twitching your nose like a rabbit then sighed.
“Bed’s too big without you,” you mumbled. “It feels like we’re fighting.”
“We are not fighting.”
“I know that. It still feels that way.” You stretched and threw your arm over your eyes. With your other hand you grabbed Toji’s hand and rested it over your chest. “Do you think… Have you tried therapy? Professional grief counseling?”
Toji stilled, and the air became frigid. You bit on your lip nervously, but that was why you threw your hand over your eyes. You didn’t want to see his reaction if you did overstep.
“I don’t need that. It’ll be over soon.”
“But–”
“I’m fine,” Toji said in a warning tone.
“Look, all I’m saying is that it might help if you–”
“Is there something wrong with your bed? Why are you both here?”
Megumi interrupted the conversation and Toji was grateful for it. Megumi looked at the both of you rubbing his eyes.
“Nothings wrong. We were just talking but we all have stuff to do today so let’s get to it.” Toji held out his hand for you to use to get up, and just like that, the channel of conversation was closed.
“Gumi, is this your last day before you have to head back to school?” You asked before he walked into the kitchen.
“Stop calling me that,” he grumbled, but nodded. You were the only person who ever called him that, and while he hid his blush from you, his ever perceptive father snorted.
“I’ll make us dinner then,” you smiled. “There’s nobody else who will tell me obscure animal facts at random intervals.”
“I could do that for you,” Toji mumbled, his hand still holding yours.
“They're not as cool as Megs’, sorry.”
You could play this game. Keep the mood light and airy even though Toji’s behaviour weighed heavily on your heart. It was the only thing you could do given his reaction. You let go of his hand to get started on your morning while he talked to Megumi some more, and you noticed a golden ring on the bathroom counter. Immediately you knew it was Toji’s, as it was too large to be a surprise for you, and gingerly you picked it up. You held it up to the light, looking at it at all dimensions and noticed an inscription on the inside. A date, a time well before you, and if you had to guess, Toji was in his early twenties when it was engraved. Young to be married, but who could stop two people in love?
You placed the ring back where you found it and washed your face harshly. You knew Toji had a life before you, there is no reason to get jealous over that. Whatever happened to her, it must’ve been terrible if he kept on having nightmares about it. That’s what you repeated in your head over and over again when you came back out to breakfast waiting for you with Megumi and Toji sitting at the breakfast bar. You were someone different before you met him too, it was only fair. You can’t hold it against him or his late wife, but it didn’t make it hurt any less. When Toji kissed your temple you tried to keep your face pleasant, carefully hiding the tumultuous waves of feelings stirring in your chest.
You took only the bagel he laid out for you and calmly walked to the door. As expected, he called out for you.
“That’s all you’re going to eat?”
You turned around to give him a small smile. “It’s that time of the month. I really don’t feel like eating a lot right now. Hopefully I’ll be hungry for dinner.”
“Eat something before then,” he said. He opened the garage door for you and walked you to your car.
Seated inside, you started up your car and Toji stood beside you, waiting for you to roll down your window.
“Gonna leave without a goodbye?”
“Of course not,” you said. You gave him a kiss, one that was longer than you intended because a kiss could never be short and sweet with him. Toji wasn’t satisfied until your lipstick stained his mouth and smudged out of your lips.
“I appreciate what you do for me,” he confessed unexpectedly. “Don’t forget that.”
You nodded, holding back the tears that threatened to spill all over your face. He cupped your chin and kissed you one last time. “I love you.”
That was something that didn’t leave Toji’s mouth very often. The words were hard to form on Toji’s tongue, not because he didn’t believe in them, but it wasn’t something that he heard very often growing up. Trying to give what he rarely had himself was an impossible task at times, but he knew how much you needed to hear those words.
“Fuck you Toji, you always know how to make me cry,” you laughed, dabbing your eyes. “I love you too. Now please, don’t make me any more emotional. I want to be stable when I get to work.”
Toji pressed his lips on your forehead and let you drive off, and you felt a little better after finding the ring. Toji loves you . That’s all the confirmation you needed.
With the day being so slow at work you were excited to go back home and prepare dinner. Toji usually took care of all the meals, finding it easier to just make the cravings of you and Megumi rather than ordering in, and he turned out to be pretty good at it. That is, after you got him to stop caring about the calorie count of everything. You were spoiled rotten because of his cooking, so it would feel nice to exercise your own skill in the kitchen.
You came home a little earlier than usual, and it surprised Toji who was on the phone with somebody when you waltzed in. He wrapped his arm around your shoulders and pressed a kiss on the top of your head, holding you while he talked on the phone.
“Sukuna, stop calling me about bullshit like this. I will change my phone number,” he threatened into the phone. You released a silent snort. He hung up the phone and dropped his full weight on your shoulders, his chin digging on your head and his arms dragging down your shoulders.
“Toji!”
“Need help with dinner? We should probably go grocery shopping,” he thought out loud, ignoring your complaints.
“I was thinking about that. You’re gonna come with me?”
“Duh. Let’s go,” he said, and you could feel him smiling. You quickly changed into more comfortable clothing, matching the monochromatic sweats Toji was wearing. You took his car, and you sat comfortably in the passenger seat while he manned the vehicle. He listened to you babble about your day, holding your thigh and eventually your hand the entire ride until you got to the store.
“I really am going to miss Megumi. I like having him around the house,” you sighed. You walked beside Toji as he pushed the shopping cart around. You grabbed staples that needed to be in the fridge already, and now you were looking for desert to settle on.
“The kid’s gonna be fine.”
“Just say you’re gonna miss him.”
You strolled in front of chocolate cakes. You pointed at one, and Toji shook his head.
“He can still visit. It’s only a train ride away.” He reached for a box of pie and you turned it down. He rolled his eyes but placed it back down.
“And he’s gonna miss you too. You guys are just cute little mirrors of each other. You know what? I can just make brownies. He likes that, right?”
“You don’t even cook for me this much,” Toji grumbled.
You patted the side of his face. “You’ll be okay, I promise.”
After checkout you both loaded the car up and headed back home. You sang quietly to the songs playing on the radio, and everything about early morning events slowly escaped your mind. Back in the house you divided the work, you brought in the bags that had the ingredients you needed to cook and Toji brought in everything else. Times like this are when Toji and you fell into a comfortable routine. No words needed to be shared but he felt connected to you in a way that he hasn’t felt in years. It was the domesticity he constantly craved and he relished in it.
Toji aided you in any way you needed, making preparation of the food go faster. Before both of you knew it Megumi was back from spending the day out when you were placing dishes on the table with a beaming smile. You were so proud of yourself, and Megumi scanned the table with slight surprise.
“I’m just one person,” he said sheepishly.
“I might’ve gotten a little bit carried away, but that’s just because I’m gonna miss you so much,” you smiled. “Go on, wash up and we’ll eat.”
You cared for Megumi like he was your own son and Toji couldn’t be anymore grateful for that. Since fixing his relationship with Megumi, Toji had put his needs in front of all others, including other romantic partners. You had understood that from the beginning and made a conscious effort to know the young boy not just to get on Toji’s good side, but because you understood that Megumi is his own person who has real thoughts and needs. It just so happened the more that Megumi accepted you, the more Toji let you in his life.
While sharing breakfast was common in the house, sharing dinner was less so. Everybody was busier later in the day, often eating out or warming up leftovers to scarf down. Now the table was filled with your jokes and Megumi and Toji’s laugh, he realized that you were right. He was going to miss his son being around all the time. It was going to be moments like this that would creep up on him in the future, reminding him of how warm everything was if he didn’t appreciate them now.
An unfamiliar name to your ear slipped from Toji’s mouth in response to something you said, making him freeze and he prayed that you didn’t hear it. It was a mistake, an thoughtless, grave mistake that could ruin the night that you three were having. He meant to say your name, he was holding your hand. Your smile faltered, and Megumi gave a weary glance over to his dad.
“Who?” You asked quietly, but the look on Toji’s face gave you all the answers you needed. It was the first time that you have ever heard her name. It was pretty, but the context made you sick. You laughed a humorless laugh staring down into your plate. Toji’s apologies did not reach your ears. Megumi called out to you, but your throat was too tight to respond. Slipping your hand out of Toji’s you cracked your knuckles slowly, each pop echoing in the room.
“Are… are you all packed up, Megs?” You changed the subject. You didn’t need Toji’s ghosts becoming yours, ruining the moment that you were having.
“Y-yeah. Just last minute stuff like toothbrushes and stuff is left.”
You nodded robotically. “That’s good. I, uh, I wanted us to watch a movie but it’s already getting so late. Are you done eating? I’ll clean up so you can get a good rest tonight.”
Megumi got up from his seat with his empty plate in hand. “I can help! I don’t mind, really.”
Toji reached for your hand again and failed miserably when you reeled back. “Wait–”
“Thanks Megs, I’m just gonna put them in the dishwasher if you want to help me with that.” Your voice was tight, a telltale sign of tears about to fall.
“I didn’t mean–”
“Could you give me and Toji a second first?”
“Yes,” Megumi said, scrambling out of the way. Once you heard his feet upstairs above you you let out a shaky breath. You pushed yourself up out of your seat, and Toji stood up quickly beside you. He had no idea what to expect. He would take you screaming at him over the crushing silence he had to endure.
“I’m sorry,” he offered first. He sincerely meant it, unsure of how else to express his remorse in the moment. “Look at me… please.”
“You need help. I’m not trying to insult you, or emasculate you, or anything like that, but you. Need. Help .” Your voice wavered. You faced Toji, and the sight broke his heart. He often teased you about crying so easily, but he never wanted to be the cause of it. Heavy tears brimmed your waterline and your lips quivered.
“I’ve been trying to ignore this but it’s getting to be too much, Toji. Do you even see me?”
“Of course I see you,” he promised. He cupped your face and the tears started to fall, and he brushed them away with his thumb. You vehemently shook your head and got out of his hold.
“You don’t. You see her. Everything is about her. I don’t want to be a replacement for your wife,” you sobbed. You took a step back and put your hand over your mouth. You caught your breath, and Toji’s heart raced at what you could possibly say next.
“I’m going to clean now.”
“Let me he–”
“Please don’t. Megumi already is. He’s probably listening in.”
So this is how it felt to be shut out. Something that Toji often did to you out of habit did not feel too nice to be on the other side of. It actually felt fucking horrible. Toji didn’t push any further, afraid of causing anymore damage and left you alone in the dining room. Megumi stood at the top of the stairs, cursing and barely ducking out of sight just like you predicted.
“I saw you, Megumi,” he called out. “You’re free to help her out now.”
Megumi walked out, looking at his dad straight on. A silent message was shared between them and Toji dropped his head.
“Fix this soon,” Megumi said when he passed his dad, and that’s the only thing anyone said to Toji for the rest of the night.