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Obi-Wan was losing his fucking mind.
You were missing and it was all his fault. Well, not really, but it certainly felt that way to him.
Why didn’t I go with them? Why did I not protect them?
Obi-Wan paced around the briefing room, the artificial lights invading his senses. They were suffocating him; the whole journey from the hangar to here was suffocating. The creaking metal of the walls and the too-white lights pushed into his mind with every step, reminding him painfully that he was so far from the ground. He was in the vastness of space alone. Without you.
You were a guiding light in his life – always steadfast, always the same. Always that same wonderful person he fell in love with all those years ago.
He couldn’t quite put his finger on when he started loving you. Maybe he always has. You had been best friends since you were padawans. Two young Jedi hungry to learn, desperate to succeed. You were inseparable; you would sneak off every night for some secret meeting of just the two of you. Every shiny, naïve, joyous idea that came into your young heads you said and did and enjoyed. You explored the world around you, eyes wide and gleaming, and no warning lecture from any Jedi Master who caught you could deter this duo. A common thread linked you, a red tie around your hearts. You felt every pull and every tug, every single movement the other took like some kind of precognition. Thoughts and feelings flowed between the two of you without words, a single look into the other’s eyes saying more than the most eloquent bard with pen and paper.
So when the red cord around Obi-Wan’s heart started to get a little tighter every time he saw your beautiful smile, he was naturally fucking terrified.
Attachment was forbidden, feeling something more towards you was forbidden. But the jolt of that string around his heart felt more natural, more real, more true than any of the empty words the Jedi taught him.
He was so confused, so unsure. He tried pulling away from you, but that goddamn cord around your hearts dragged you with him no matter where he hid. You set alight the kinds of emotions he never thought he would feel, but it went against his entire way of life. And yours too. Why would he jeopardise your future in the Jedi Order for his silly little crush? It was your home too and he wasn’t about to cast you out onto the streets. Loving you from afar was far preferable to you risking your jobs for an attempt at a relationship, or even worse, you rejecting him altogether. You were his best friend and he didn’t want to lose you.
But now he was about to.
Why didn’t he take the mission? Why did he let you go? You were adamant to go, this was your operation and you were the commanding officer, so it was your mission to face alone. It was dangerous, sure, but nothing to challenge your expertise. Just a simple grab and go mission. Fly down onto the Separatist ship, grab the stolen holocron, fly back. Easy. What wasn’t easy was getting past the prying eyes of the enemy. But again, nothing to challenge you – you had done it a million times, slipping past battle droids like a ghost. However, this time, there were too many. Fleets of droids were parked in front of your destination – they knew you were coming. Theories of betrayers and weak links in the Republic whizzed through your mind, but you didn’t focus on them. You pushed on – through the ships, through the droids, through the pained shouts of Obi-Wan telling you to just come back. “It’s not that important,” he would shout, but you knew he was wrong. The holocron held vital information pertaining to the Jedi Order and you were not about to leave it in dangerous hands. You swore to protect the Order, and you were sure as hell going to protect it now.
Obi-Wan could only watch from the starflighter as you sped off into the fray, swerving and dodging between the blaster fire, praying to whatever gods were looking down upon you that you would be returned safe to him. And it seemed like they were actually listening to him as you shot down more and more droids, aided by the Republic gunship’s cover fire. As your ship disappeared inside the target cruiser, your comm link stayed open and the painful tie around Obi-Wan’s heart loosened slightly. You were winning and you were going to come home safe to him. You narrated your surroundings to Obi-Wan, the commanders and clones at work between deep breaths as you snuck behind the backs of your foes, swiftly cutting down any droids in your way. Rustles of your hurried searching echoed through the loudspeaker of the control room, until you let out a single breath of relief.
“It’s here.”
Then it all went wrong.
Your comm link fizzled out with a sharp ring and every person in the room waited in silence for you to reconnect. All eyes focused on the loudspeaker before a deafening explosion sounded out. Obi-Wan felt his soul leave his body and the red string around his heart knot shut. He ran to the massive windows at the front of the starship only to see blinding fire. An orange glow bathed the entire control room as the Separatist cruiser you boarded exploded into flames. Gasping for air, Obi-Wan’s eyes flickered to every corner of space in front of him, desperately searching for anything to signal your escape. Yet he found nothing.
No, no, no, no, no. Please gods no. Not you. Not now.
His feet moved before his brain could register it. Obi-Wan was sprinting out of the control room to board any available ship in the hangar. He even ordered a squad of clones out of their ship with an uncharacteristic shout and took off in it to search for you. He’d apologise to them later. You were more important to him.
Shouts of objection by the other commanders flooded through his comms to the point where Obi-Wan turned it off with a slam of his fist. He flew around the wreckages of droid ships with a speed bordering on hyperspace, but found nothing. No sight of you. No sight of your ship.
Gods, no. Fuck, where are you?
He flew faster still, his steering getting faster and jerky, checking every nook and cranny of the charred shell of the target cruiser from which the explosion emanated. At this point he was barely using his eyes, only the tug of the cord connecting you both, trying to pull and follow it to its end where he would find you. The cord wasn’t cut, he could still feel the faintest connection between you both… he just couldn’t find you.
Please, no. Y/N don’t leave me.
Suddenly, blaster fire skimmed off the roof of Obi-Wan’s ship. The Separatists had found him. It took every single bit of strength in his mind and body to drag himself away from his search and retreat back to the Republic ship. The red cord got longer, you felt far away, almost out of sight.
So now here he stood, on the verge of a breakdown in the middle of a briefing room with nearly all hope lost. Various commanders and clones tried to discuss their next moves in the mission, but he paid attention to none of it. He couldn’t focus on anything other than the pain and worry radiating throughout his entire body. Tears brimmed in his eyes, threatening to fall as his heart got heavier and heavier in his chest. The only words that got through was an admiral’s strong suggestion to retreat. Anger flared in Obi-Wan’s eyes as he spun around ready to fight anyone who would even consider leaving you lost in the coldness of space. He argued back and forth with a cutting intensity, but deep down he knew the admiral was right. The first mission of the Jedi was to protect and Obi-Wan had to protect his soldiers. But he couldn’t abandon you. That fucking red string was getting thinner, only a couple of fraying threads remained. The slightest tug could break it and you would be lost forever.
“General Kenobi, we must flee now. The Separatists are still out there.”
“I am aware of that Admiral, but we need to stay and fight.”
“Sir, we can’t. We are low on fuel and our shields are failing. I know General L/N is important to you, but we must leave now.” Of course they all knew, it was impossible to miss the fact the two of you were attached at the hip, the way you would talk about each other. They knew there was probably something going on between the two of you, but respected you both enough to leave you to it. Thus, they also knew that Obi-Wan was only acting out of pain. He was an excellent Jedi and a compassion commander to all his clones; he was not usually like this. It was clear the route of his anger the potential loss of you. But that didn’t make the anger go away. The fire in his eyes got darker as he stepped forward to the admiral.
“Now listen here. That is no concern of yours.”
“I mean no offense, General, but you must be realistic.”
“I am. I am being realistic and we need to stay.”
“L/N is gone, or else they will find a way themself-“
“No! They are not gone, they are still here.”
“Sir, please-“
“I won’t leave them!”
Suddenly, the blast doors opened and Obi-Wan swore he was dreaming. There you stood right in front of him. Singed and battered, your robes covered in soot and a small amount of blood dripping down the side of your face. You can’t be real, Obi-Wan thought, they are gone, they are dead. This had to be an apparition, some trick his grief playing on him. But you walked through the doors just like you, and looked just like you, and smiled at him just like you. Your eyes bored into his and made his heart clutch in his chest. It was you. You were okay.
Wordlessly, you dragged your eyes away from Obi-Wan, glanced around at the room full of officers. Your gaze fell upon the Admiral you had heard through the walls in deep debate with your fellow Jedi. Your hand burrowed on your pocket for a second until you withdrew a glowing blue palm-sized cube; the holocron. A gasp rang through the room at your victorious mission and you tossed the holocron to the Admiral who only just to caught it in his own hands. You gave him a light knowing smile and nodded your head towards the door. Understanding flashed across his face instantly as he began to quietly usher out the rest of the officers with a smile of his own.
Soon, only you and Obi-Wan remained. The tension in the air was palpable. You just stood gazing at each other, barely believing they were stood here with each other again. Neither of you know who moved first, but soon you were both running full tilt at the other and colliding. Hard. Arms went flying everywhere as you pulled each other into a bruising hug, pushing all their shared pain, anger and relief into it. Nothing else mattered now. Only the two of you. Both your pairs of legs buckled underneath you as you lowered down onto your knees, continuing the hug. After what felt like hours, Obi-Wan pulled away, staring down into your tired eyes. A tear ran down his face as he cupped your face with his large calloused hands. His thumbs brush along your cheeks, wiping away your own tears. He was so fucking relieved. The flurry of emotions inside of him blurred his mind of all common sense, only following what felt good. And you felt so damn good. Without another thought, his moved his head down and captured your lips with his. You were caught off guard, lost in the feeling of finally being back in his arms. Back home. Your eyes fluttered shut and your lips moved in tandem with his. You melted into each other grabbing at anything at all, losing yourselves in the feeling. All of a sudden, Obi-Wan pulled away, leaving you breathless and seeing stars.
“I love you, Y/N” he admitted, staring deep into your gorgeous eyes. “Darling, I’ve loved you for so long. I’m sorry if you don’t feel the same, but I wanted - needed - you to know.” A beaming smile rose on your face, stretching all the way to your ears. You reached up and pushed back a loose strand of hair, threading your hand into his hair as his eyes closed with a sigh.
“I love you too, Obi-Wan,” you replied as his eyes instantly shot open at your words. His smile matched yours as he hugged you again, this time fully encased in joy. You laughed lightly at his antics as you gripped onto him like a lifeline, your exhaustion from the mission starting to get the better of you. Eventually, Obi-Wan pulled away again, but looking more sorrowful this time, more tears falling.
“I was so scared, darling,” he rambled breathlessly. “Fuck, I was terrified I’d lost you. I went out, I couldn’t find you, I looked everywhere, I thought you were dead, you should be dead, fuck, what happened, how are you here-“
Immediately, you brought your hands to cup his face, noticing his panic and trying to calm him down. You stroked along his cheekbones lightly, bringing him back down to you. “Hey, hey, hey, it’s okay, I’m okay,” you whispered to him lightly. “The holocron was booby trapped, they knew we would try and retrieve it. Some kind of self-destruct thing I think. Try and blow us up with it. But it’s okay, I got out, I got to my ship just in time and hid until it was safe. I’m here. I’m okay. I’m safe.”
Your words soothed Obi-Wan as you brought him down from his panic attack. He encircled you with his arms, pulling you onto his lap so your bodies were as close as physically possible.
“Please, never leave me again,” he whispered, barely audible over the thrum of the ship around you.
“I will never leave you,” you replied, more truthful in your words than ever before. “I’m yours.”
Your lips melded together again, saying everything that had been unspoken for years. Gods, the years have been long, skirting around your feelings for each other. But now you could be freely in love.
The red tie around your hearts was repairing, untangled and unfrayed. It was strongest when you were together. The ribbon looped in a beautiful bow and your hearts beat as one, never to part again.