Chapter Text
Ahsoka wiped the tear that slid down her cheek as she descended the steps of the Jedi Temple for the last time. She still couldn’t believe any of it. She was framed and the Jedi Council hadn’t even thought twice about expelling her. Hadn’t even tried to defend her or search for evidence that she was innocent. Except Anakin. She knew he’d done everything he could to protect her and it was only because of him that she wasn’t currently sitting on death row. She felt gut wrenchingly awful for leaving him, but she couldn’t continue to fight alongside people she couldn’t trust to have her back. When it’s life or death, and you don’t know for sure that you can trust your comrades, what then?
She had no idea where she would go. The Jedi Temple had been her home as long as she could remember and the thought of trying to make it as a regular citizen was daunting. She knew no one and had no place to stay. She had no money and her only real skills consisted of Jedi or military training. She still had a few hours to figure something out before the Coruscant night set in. She had nowhere to go, though.
I’ll probably end up sleeping in an alley somewhere, she thought, dejectedly. It was a depressing thought, but it was realistic.
Her feet brought her to the transport station on the street in front of the Temple. She stood for several minutes, debating. Okay, she did have a few credits in her pocket, but hardly enough for a single transport ride. Finally, she chose a shuttle and stepped on. There was one stop she needed to make before she disappeared into the city, possibly forever.
When the shuttle pulled up in front of a vast, featureless gray-white building, Ahsoka was the only one to exit. She folded her arms across herself, as the transport pulled away behind her, and trudged towards the building.
When she reached the entrance, she asked the clone guard if he could contact someone for her. Stripped of her Jedi and military status, she would no longer be admitted into the GAR clone barracks and she didn’t bother to ask.
She leaned her back against one of the barracks walls to wait, arms still crossed protectively across her chest. Will he even want to talk to me? She figured that the 501st must have heard by now that she wasn’t returning. What if they were upset that she was leaving them? Or didn’t care? Her eyes had started to water again and she quickly blinked back her tears.
Then Ahsoka’s montrals picked up the sound of approaching footsteps and her head snapped up. She spotted Rex’s familiar blue pauldron and blond hair, as the captain exited the barracks. Suddenly unable to control her emotions, she pushed off the wall and ran to him. He jogged to meet her.
He caught her as she practically fell against his chest. His strong arms wrapped around her and held her there as she buried her face in his armor. Some of her tears had slipped out and she stifled a sob. Ahsoka didn’t know how long their embrace lasted, with Rex gently stroking her rear lek as she fought to regain her composure. As he held her, she couldn’t help but think how perfectly she fit in his arms.
When Ahsoka was able to breathe normally again, she stepped back. As she did, one of Rex’s hands slid up to her face and his thumb brushed away the remainder of her tears. She tried not to acknowledge the way her heart fluttered at his touch and the way his amber eyes gazed into her blue ones. This was a goodbye, nothing else.
“I guess Anakin told you?” she said, finally finding the voice to speak. Rex nodded slightly.
“You’re really leaving?” he asked, and she tried not to flinch at the hurt in his voice.
“I have to.” Ahsoka exhaled and averted her eyes. “The Jedi threw me away without a second thought. I can’t trust they wouldn’t do it again. But then if I’m not a Jedi, I can’t be part of the GAR anymore…” She trailed off. There were so many reasons to leave, but maybe all she needed was one reason to stay.
“I wish I could stay, Rex.” She looked up into his warm eyes again. “Please… give me a reason to stay.”
A few months ago, Ahsoka and Rex never would have considered embracing, or being this physically close to each other at all. Still, they’d always had a close relationship. He was always that person she could share anything with and trust with her life.
Ahsoka often confided in Rex over Anakin because she knew her captain would always support her unconditionally and without judgement. That was why, after she returned from Onderon, she wasn’t surprised when Rex found her alone in the Resolute mess hall, staring blankly at a full cup of caf.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked, sitting beside her on the bench.
Ahsoka sighed, but didn’t turn to look at him. “I know technically we accomplished our goal, but so many things happened that shouldn’t have.”
“Ahsoka, you were shot,” Rex pointed out, glancing at the bandage on her left shoulder. “It’s not your fault.”
“It’s not just that! I was distracted and if I hadn’t been, it wouldn’t have cost someone’s life.”
“Distracted?”
“It’s really stupid.” She let out a dry laugh. “Which makes it even worse that I was distracted by it.”
“Ahsoka, nothing you feel is stupid.”
Her eyes widened in surprise at his words. Her captain had always been good at comforting her with his words, but his comment was more personal than she’d been expecting. Why is he being so sweet?
“You remember that guy, Lux?” Her hands clenched each other as she spoke. Rex nodded. There was an unusual look in his amber eyes, but she wasn’t sure what it meant. “He and I… I don’t know. We’d flirted in the past and he even kissed me once.” Rex’s gaze sharpened. “I know as a Jedi, I’m not supposed to form attachments, but I kind of thought… I don’t know. Anyway, when we got to Onderon, I saw that he was with Steela and, I know I shouldn’t have been thinking this way, but it was hard to watch. But then, he still acted like he might be interested in me, but he was also into her. Maybe if I so hadn’t been so focused on silly stuff, I wouldn’t have…” She couldn’t finish.
“You deserve better.”
“What?” That was not at all what she was expecting him to say.
“Kissing you, then stringing both you and someone else along like that isn’t right. It’s not your fault for having feelings, but it is his fault for messing with them.” Rex’s voice was firm and his amber eyes held a tenderness that Ahsoka had never seen before. Why does he care so much about Lux and about my romantic feelings?
“I guess I don’t know enough about this kind of thing to know how to act or how he should act,” she admitted.
“You deserve someone who wants you and only you.” Rex reached forward and carefully placed his hand over hers. Electricity shot up Ahsoka’s arm at his touch and suddenly she was lost in the amber depths of his gaze. Does he mean himself? The thought made her heart thump in her chest, the reaction much more intense than anything she’d ever felt around Lux.
Ahsoka realized that they’d shifted closer on the bench at some point, though she couldn’t remember when. It was like her body was acting on its own. She found herself looking up at Rex as he leaned down to meet her. He was so close now, she could feel his breath mingling with hers. The gap between them was about to close-
“Hey, Commander! How’d it go on Onderon?”
Ahsoka and Rex simultaneously shifted apart at the sound of Jesse’s voice. Their blue and amber eyes were still locked as Jesse and Fives slid onto the bench across the table.
“What happened?” Fives asked, spotting the bandage on Ahsoka’s shoulder. Neither he nor Jesse appeared to have any idea what they’d interrupted.
“Just a blaster wound, it’s almost healed,” Ahsoka answered, turning to the two troopers and waving her hand dismissively. “So what have you guys been up to?”
As Ahsoka tried to focus on the story Fives was telling about his latest ARC mission, she couldn’t stop her eyes from shifting towards the captain next to her. She couldn’t help but notice he was doing the same.
Over the next few weeks, the air felt different every time Ahsoka and Rex were in each other’s presence. Stolen glances, standing closer when possible, even brushing their hands together a few times, when they knew no one would see. They didn’t dare take it any farther. She was a Jedi, his superior, and their days were filled with crowded war rooms and battlefields. But their eyes would lock once in a while and they’d both understand the unspoken promise: We’ll find a way.
Then the bombing of the Jedi Temple. Then Ahsoka was arrested for a crime she didn’t commit. Then she was expelled from the Order. Then she went to trial. Now she was leaving.
“Please… give me a reason to stay.”
Rex looked down at the deep pools of Ahsoka’s eyes, feeling the familiar tug on his heart, pulling him towards her. He knew what she wanted him to say, what almost slipped out of his mouth. Stay with me. And he knew she would, if he asked.
But he couldn’t do that to her. After everything the Jedi had done to betray her, he couldn’t ask her to stay. He couldn’t ask her to stay somewhere she didn’t want to be, just for him.
“You’re doing the right thing,” he said, fighting to keep his voice steady. The hurt that flashed through her blue eyes felt like a jab to his heart. It’s for the best. The fear that he may never see her again sank like a stone to the bottom of his stomach, making him feel sick.
“Yeah, you’re probably right.” Ahsoka’s voice was hollow and her shoulders drooped with defeat.
Rex wanted more than anything to comfort her, kiss her, ask her to stay and be his. But he couldn’t. It wouldn’t be right and as much as he was aching to hold her again, he feared any more would make this even harder for both of them.
“I’ll miss you,” he whispered, as if saying it too loud would make it more painful.
“I’ll miss you too,” she responded, just as softly.
Ahsoka stepped forward and took Rex’s hand, squeezing it and meeting his amber eyes with her blue. He squeezed back and let himself get lost in her cerulean pools one last time.
Then she released his hand and, with one final glance, walked away from the barracks, the GAR, and him.