Chapter Text
And so the brothers sat in the bunker, shooting the shit. They seemed content and grateful. So many battles had been won over the years and they managed to still have so many loved ones with them.
Their most recent victory was Castiel and Gabriel coming back from the empty, which incidentally they did not know was happening. They could not believe their two favorite angels were back, apparently it didn’t hurt to have the new God aka Jack on their side.
~Flashback~
When Dean saw him for the first time since his death, he couldn’t help himself as he ran towards him, embracing Castiel in a huge hug. This was fine for two friends who are being reunited after one literally died. That’s what he told himself to rationalize the public display of affection at least. They exchanged few words, but they didn’t need to say much because as Castiel had once said, they shared a profound bond
So much was said before Castiel sacrificed himself to the empty to protect them, and when they were reunited Dean was ecstatic to get his best friend back, but also filled with anxiety from self expectations. Dean mourned for months when Cas was gone, he kicked himself over and over for not telling Cas that he loved him, for not saying anything productive as Cas bared his soul to him. When he thought Cas was gone forever, he said he would have done it differently and let him know exactly how he felt. But then just like that, Cas was back, and they fell right back into their old ways of ignoring obvious feelings and being strictly best friends who stare longingly at each other.
~Flashback end~
Sam broke Dean’s train of thought “So are you two ever going to actually address what’s happening between you?” Sam asked, tired from standing in the constant tension between them since Cas’s return.
“Im not exactly sure what is happening. So if I can help it, no.”
“Well I don’t understand why, it’s clear how you both feel about one another.. we both know if Cas had taken the form of a beautiful woman then this whole “Will they, won’t they?” Wouldn’t even exist. Sam said in an annoyed tone, using quotation finger gestures.
~ Flash back ~
Dean was shocked, he could not believe that despite their pledge to do no more bargaining with the crossroads demons and entities of the universe, Cas had made this stupid bargain for his life with the empty. he had made this stupid bargain for his life with the empty. He also could not find the words to respond to much of what Cas was saying. He had always assumed the longing and pining would never be understood by the angel much less spoken aloud which made it all real. Tears welled in his eyes as all the moments they had spent together over the years came flashing before his eyes. How happy he was when Cas first returned from the dead purely by annoying the empty by being awake. He wanted more time, needed it. To process and think and respond. But this is it, this moment was all they had, so in an attempt to display a decimal of what he felt all he could respond to Cas’s declaration was “Please I- no, Stay…” But it was for naught, what was done, was done. He was gone.
Flashback end…
”Well I think the problem is that even though he is in the form of a man, I love him anyways”… it left his mouth faster than the thoughts had formed in his head, he couldn’t look up at Sam, couldn’t acknowledge what he said and make it more real.
He didn’t mean to come out to his brother this way, or profess his love, but maybe it had been bottled up inside him too long. He thought Sam might have an idea of it all, based on how terrible he got when he grieved Cas after he was taken back to the empty. God he was a mess then.
Sam placed a hand on his brothers shoulder “I’m not going to make this sappy because I know you hate it, but love is love. I have always supported you literally through hell and back, and I’m not stopping now so here’s the deal “ suddenly he feels Sam smack the back of his head like he was placing money down on a poker table
“Ow what the hell are you hitting me for? That hurt!”
“Well someone had to knock some sense into you, your man literally just came back from the dead and you are here drunk and feeling sorry for yourself! Man up and go tell that angel how you feel about him. Life is short!”
Sam then took the beer Dean was holding from his hands and took a swig then left the room. All Dean could do was rub the back of his head until the pain subsided. He couldn’t believe how nonchalant Sam was being about something that has taken years for him to admit to himself, maybe he was right.
He wanted to talk to Cas about it but, there was always the alternative that in that moment of Cas being taken by the empty the moment that he replays over and again in his head, Cas was just saying goodbye, and he was misinterpreting. It was late, he was tired of thinking about it, and he imagined Cas was resting now so it seemed like his only other option was to get himself a new beer from the kitchen. He didn’t recognize the brand,matter of fact now that he was on the second one he realized that there was no labels on the bottles at all, but he did not care since these seemed to be all the brew they had.
After sitting on the couch and popping open a new cold one, he turned on the TV and was excited to see they were playing reruns of Dr. Sexy. He watched for a while and it had occurred to him that he was very attracted to Dr Sexy. He wondered for a while what other men he was attracted to since he was learning new things about himself and allowing his mind to form these thoughts. He instantly thought of celebrities like Chris Hemsworth specifically as Thor, Jake Gyllenhaal in anything really, and Keanu Reeves was also definitely making the cut. It was starting to make sense why he watched the first John Wick so many times. With the show playing in the background and him no longer paying much attention, it was not long before he was drifting off to sleep.
“Dean” he heard an all too familiar voice say. He jumped awake, spilling parts of the beer he fell asleep holding before he was able to acknowledge Castiel standing over him with a deadpan look on his face. “Jesus Christ Cas, I feel like we’ve talked about not scaring the shit out of me when you see me sleeping”
“Sorry Dean it’s just,” he reached forwards and grabs the bottle off deans lap which makes his heart skip a beat. “Why did you drink this beer, it was mine”
“Oh. Sorry I just thought whoever bought them removed the labels off of them or something, I didn’t realize it was marked for you”
“Well yes, I told Gabriel how I just wanted to get really drunk like how I could when I was human, so he concocted this for me, I should have marked the bottles better, are you feeling okay?” He asked while placing his palm to Dean’s forehead to check his temperature.
“Well I’m fine as long as you’re here caring for me” Dean said and then furrowed his eyebrows “why did I say that, I mean it was true but I didn’t mean to say it.” Cas continued to look at him, concern growing in his face “Well, this potion was supposed to get an angel of the lord drunk, if I’m honest, I don’t know what side effects it will give you, are you sure you are okay?” He then began looking back and forth at both of deans eyes to check his health further “I am but wow you sure are beautiful, and you smell really good and clean” he slaps his hand over his mouth before he could continue
“Why do I keep saying word vomit?” He asks and placed his hand back on his mouth from fear of saying more than his question.
“Well, your pupils are very dilated and” he places his hand on his chest “your heart beat seems to be elevated, racing actually.”
“We’ll that’s probably not from the alcohol sexy, Jesus I’m out of control here, I can’t stop just saying things the second they hit my mind” Castiel was growing more worried but seemed to also be understanding what was happening “Well how long has this been happening?”
“Well I’ve thought you were sexy for a while but if you want to know specifics-“ “No that isn’t what I’m referring to, how long have you been “word vomiting?” Dean thought for a second “Oh, now that you mention it, it’s been happening since earlier when me and Sam were talking about my feelings for you and vaguely my sexuality” well now he had done it, just like that the cat was out of the bag.
It was then that Castiel caught on and let himself realize everything Dean had been saying, “Wait, what kind of feelings for me?”
“Well, I didn’t plan to tell you like this or probably any time soon but, the romantic kind of feelings. I don’t know how long I’ve had them, I think it really jus hit me before the empty was taking you and” Dean was crying now, struggling to talk about the last time he thought he would ever see Castiel,
“You were talking about happiness and how caring for me and being with me made you care for the world, which I know is true because I watched you change and care for humanity… then you said you love me. I should have addressed it the second I got you back but I’m a real coward when it comes to emotions and talking about that at all but screw cowardice. I love you too Cas. I really hope I’m not ruining our friendship, or misinterpreting what you meant, but I half don’t care because I had to tell you eventually”
Cas had tears in his eyes too at this point, completely overwhelmed by words he had been waiting so long to hear and hadn’t expected would ever come. “Dean, you did not misunderstand me. I meant every word I said then, I still mean it now. I love you, your soul and your mind, your body, and how you treat others, and I did find true happiness through our friendship, and true heroism through your actions as a hunter. I learned what it truly means to be selfless and caring. If I could go back to when I first met you, I would not change a thing. Our bond is-“
“Profound” Dean interrupted. “Yes. Profound.” Cas agreed, so fond of him. Dean stood to hug Castiel, wanting to display some long overdue affection. However when he got up he swayed and stumbled over his own two feet, falling into Cas who caught him immediately. Dean blushed “Sorry I guess I’m pretty drunk? I’ve only had like one and a half since Sam took my first beer, it usually takes me at least 3 or four to really feel it” Dean tried to explain.
Cas placed his arms around Deans ribs to lift him upright, “It seems not only is it a truth serum but it will get you drunk a lot faster than normal alcohol, I think it’s best we get you into your bed.” Dean chuckled “Jeez, a guy admits he has feelings for you and you’re already trying to bed me eh? I mean I’m flattered but I have to admit I’ve never done it with a guy before, or an angel, wow two firsts! Now that’s exciting” Dean laughs
Cas smirks to himself and doesn’t bother responding to Dean’s smart remarks. He teleports them to Dean’s bedroom and carries him over to his bed, laying him down gently. “Are you going to kiss me goodnight now?” Dean asks him barely above a whisper, not even processing the teleportation. “Would you like me to?” Castiel asks “Well, yes.” Dean replied calmly making Cas hum in response. “And if you were sober, would your answer be the same?” Castiel asked, whispering now too since they were in such close proximity. Cas just smiled, so fond of Dean and truly understanding the meaning of temptation in this moment, alone in Dean’s room and hearing all the things he had always longed to hear. “Yes. I’d be more of an anxious mess but, yes. I love you, and I mean it. You have to know that I want to be with you Cas, I couldn’t bear the pain to loose you ever again. I love you, drunk or not.”
Cas was so grateful to be back from the empty, so happy to be alive to hear these words. “Well in that case, if you are sober tomorrow, I will ask you again, but for now please, sleep. And, I love you too.” Cas said earnestly. Dean grabbed Cas’s wrist before he could try to leave the room “Only if you stay until I fall asleep” if Dean was sober he probably never would have said that, it sounded girly and clingy, but right now he truly did not care and was so glad that he drank that truth serum. “Okay” Castiel responded, shifting his weight to sit up against Dean's head board. Dean shifted to cuddle his head into Castiel’s lap, at first he did not know how to respond, but he quickly decided to caress Deans hair with his hand, and before long Dean drifted off to sleep.