Work Text:
Chan had formed the group stray kids, the 8 member boy group that sold out all of the running charts.
Well chan had always looked professional, but he had major regrets on the inside. You see, chan was a very hardworking trainee, specialising in guitar, dancing, singing and piano.
Joining a big company like this, at such a young age was hard for him. Chan would lock himself in a practice room, to get whatever he was working on perfectly. That was just a stupid coping mechanism he had gained.
Because of this, he almost missed everything happening in his own group. He had nearly missed that all the other members were in love with each other, and were going to get together.
Once he did realise, it was too late. Too late for quick catchups, or maybe chan even joining the relationship too.
All he did was dream about them, he hadn’t realised it until they got together, leaving himself in the dark. Chan loves them so much, but doesn’t have the guts just to go up to them and confess.
He keeps telling himself, that he is the stuck up leader, that his members secretly hate his leading. But he just wanted to be chan to them, not the leader of the group, that they had to be mature and professional with.
And now it brings him to now, as he’s in the front seat, driving to their normal camp grounds.
Stray kids had a small tradition, they would all go on a camping trip once a month all together. Chan was glad that all of the other members had fun, but he would silently suffer, as all of them would share a tent, and chan was in a single tent away from them.
He would have to hear them giggle and exchange sweet words with each other as he tried to sleep in his bed alone, with no one’s else’s body heat than his own.
As they pulled into the parking grounds, it suddenly dawns on him, he had forgotten his tent. The only thing keeping him sane on these camping trips, his tent.
As he brought it up to the others, they all replied with “sure!” And “yeahs!” They all seemed to be so excited for him to join them in their huge tent. As they all started to get ready for bed, the emotions started rolling in.
The realisation that he had to share a tent with the others crashed like waves on to him. The words and gestures he had to endure throughout the night scared him.
He was scared he wouldn’t be able to keep it together, and that night confess to them, and ruin everything.
So he decided he would make himself as low profile as possible. To position his sleeping bag the furthest away from all of them, to help his heart and there relationship.
He loved them so much, seeing them happy made him so happy, even though the happiness wasn’t brought to them by him, he still wanted to slightly let them know he liked him.
They started to all get comfy together in their spots. Chan being the most far away from them, Felix noticed him, chan on the corner wrapped himself up in his sleeping bag. Chan didn’t know that all the others wanted him as much as he wanted him.
They had tried to hint to him so many times, that they wanted him. Him always having his own tent broke their hearts, as they had to hear him sleep alone in his tent. They had set this plan up, for him to forget his sleeping bag.
Felix’s heart ached, for why chan would be all the way in the corner, away from them, away from their touch and words they all so deeply wanted to share with him. It was stupid, they all thought now that chan would never be in their grasp, they were so close to giving up.
Chan fell asleep first, they all saw it. As his body relaxed, his breathing slowed and how he wasn’t tense. He never told them this, because he thought that they weren’t close enough. But chan sleep talks, he sleep talks about everything, how his day went, what made him happy, and especially his love for his members.
His friends would tell him he sleep talks, wooyoung says that he normally talks about how beautiful the members are, and how much he loves them.
Today luck wasn’t on his side, he started talking as the others were still awake. “I love them so much, they make me so happy” “seeing them happy makes me so happy” “Felix is so beautiful, just like the stars” “Minho is why my heart beats” “I just wish they’d love me like I do”.
The others were shocked, they never expected chan to ever say stuff like that. He loved them, there was no way anything else could be that.
Seungmin shook him awake, “hyung, you were sleeping talking about us, do you love us?”.
As those words came out of Seungmins mouth, chan felt himself wake up. He never meant to say those words, it was him sleeping, he has ruined everything. He has ruined his life, his relationship with them and specially, their relationship with each other.
“I’m so sorry, I know you guys don’t like-e me like that. Um, I’ll just go sleep in the car.” As he hurriedly turned and started to grab his things. He exited the tent with a heavy heart, knowing that he had just confessed to them, and they all didn’t say anything. Well a silent rejection was better than a rejection, he told himself.
He started sobbing, as he walked to the car, opening the door as his vision began to cloud. The temperature of the car was cold, missing the warmth the others gave him.
As he shut the door he laid himself down on the sheets. Told himself to calm down, as he quietly hiccuped and soothed himself to sleep.
He wondered why they didn’t come after him, he had thought that they liked him enough to come after him. But apparently not.
Their hearts broke as they had heard chan crying, as he walked himself to the car, they heard him open and close the car door.
They plan was supposed to give them love and peace together, not to break the heart of the boy they all wanted in their lives.
Jisung got up to walk to the car, to see how chan was doing. As jisung opened the car door, he could see that chans eyes were red and puffy. Chan had just woken up, to see the face of one of the people he loved so dearly.
Chan started to apologise, saying that it wasn’t appropriate for him to fall in love with them, as they were already all in a relationship. Telling him that he’d leave them alone, that he would just be the good leader they needed, not an addition to their lives, just someone that’ll be their for them if the ever needed it. Apologised for ruining their relationship, apologising for even expressing his feelings. Chan felt so bad, he didn’t need jisung to come tell him that they didn’t like him.
“Chan, stop talking.” As jisung said that, his mouth snapped shut. “We all love you so much, we have loved you since we all first met you, we all thought that you’d never be interested in us, as you ignored us, and spent so much time away from the dorm.”
“But we love you, so will you let us have you too?”
“Yes, I will.”