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Just this once, it was amazing to believe that everything was going according to plan that they were actually going to celebrate this joyous moment. Eren was finally getting to see the ocean, but the reason for seeing the vast expanse of crisp blue and green rolling waves lapping at the golden sand, was even better than the sea itself. Though not much had changed, he was still wearing his uniform white pants, though he now had on a crisp white shirt, not the one that he always wore as a uniform, a black suit jacket that they had found somewhere deep in a storage crate. It was serving a purpose now, except for collecting dust in a container, as was the matching one, though it was smaller, it was perfect for the other male.
He couldn’t believe he was lucky enough to be there, here, looking out over the ocean, getting married, by some stroke of luck, to the one he loved the most. Though it had been a long time, a long battle against the titans, they had finally got to the cause of it, got rid of the titans and now, they were allowed to be happy, everyone was. To be together, to be with anyone and have less restrictions, less fear. He may have grown older, but it didn’t mean that he was any less of that young boy that first joined the army, one that admired the corporal and wanted to be like him, except he had cut back on the need for revenge on the titans. He never thought he could actually be with him and they would end up happy, let alone alive and in one piece, yet here they were.
The brunette was so happy, it felt like a dream come true, he pointed that out to his overbearing sister. While she still didn’t fully approve of the older male, she did smile and shake her head, it was as close as Mikasa got. That would always be Mikasa, ever since she had spoken of her feelings towards him, Eren ended up just telling her that he loved another, that his heart was spoken for and it was returned on the same level. It hurt their friendship, but they got over it after a while, back to the sibling relationship and friendship that was normal. She was here now and that’s what mattered to Eren, it was more shocking to find out that Armin had been seeing Erwin, no one had expected that, not even Levi.
Just thinking of the shorter male made Eren smile, he had fallen head over heels for him and though it had taken a while, the older had eventually ended up with the same feelings. He truly thought though, at one point that they’d never survive to see this day, or at least, he would never survive to see the ocean, but breathing in the fresh, salty air, it just made the dream a lot more real. The best part was that Levi was here, talking with Erwin and he knew where they were, for the fact that the blonde coconut, normally known as Armin, kept looking over to where they were. Everyone was here, everyone who survived and it meant more than he ever thought.
“Armin…” Eren said softly, going over to his friend and looking down at him. They had, had a falling out at one point, but now, it was much better, they were friends again and though Armin had let his hair grow longer, grown taller, there was still that familiar, knowing blue gaze underneath. The blonde had given him a wide smile, clapped his back and stood next to him, he wasn’t so short now, but he still somewhat resembled a coconut or a mushroom, depending on how you looked at him and that made Eren smile, good to know they all hadn’t changed completely.
“Eren… I can’t believe it! We got to see the ocean… Now I get to be your best man and watch as you are bonded to the one you love… I am so happy for you Eren.” His words were kind and honest. Eren knew that his friend was happy for him, in turn, he was happy for Armin, wishing nothing more than the best for him, so far, he had the best and it made him happy, to see his friend happy.
Truthfully, he could barely believe it himself, but he was truly happy and it was so rare and such an odd feeling he was worried that something would come along and destroy his euphoria. It happened before, that was how he had lost his mother, though he was young then, older now and he couldn’t think like that, in case something else happened, he could have this one, beautiful shining moment of happiness. Then the soft music started, he didn’t know where they found a harp, of all things, but they had and by some miracle, Krista could play it, while Ymir sat next to her. Then there was Erwin that was suddenly standing at the small raised area, a few flowers behind him.
Eren was nervous, so very, very nervous, even as he looked over and saw Levi next to him, he smiled to him happily before suddenly he was grabbed. The overexcited scientist bounced up to them, they were always full of energy, as they grabbed one of Eren’s arms and one of Levi’s. The green eyed boy looked to them, the scientist that was now going to explore more about the world, but first had to be here, for them. It was a good thing, it seemed that everyone was going to be happy and that was one of the most wonderful thoughts in the world.
The younger was still smiling even as they were all but tugged up the aisle by the one with glasses, almost catching their feet at times as they forcefully hauled both males down the smallest aisle. Eren huffed, Levi merely gave a disapproving glare and then they were pushed forward and their hands linked, faster than they would have done it anyway by the one who intervened. Neither of them hated Hanji for it, in fact, Eren felt a swell of joy in his chest at the act. He could feel his lips twitch, that was just Hanji and he knew they’d never change, no matter what and in some odd way, they’d always be married to their work and the occasional rocket launcher.
But now, looking over the beautiful backdrop of the ocean, glimmering in the sunlight and reflecting more than one colour. Then his gaze moved back to Erwin who was going to make this a legal binding and over to their friends, the happiness swelled in his chest. It was finally happening, something he had always dreamed of, and when Erwin coughed Eren had the grace to look embarrassed, which was far more than normal. As he turned to Erwin, he knew he had run away with his thoughts, dazed for quite a few moments, the imposing blonde didn’t seem to mind. His larger hand still firmly wrapped around Levi’s, holding him there, though he had a feeling it was because he was afraid the other would run away.
As if he could read his mind, Levi leaned over, whispering in hushed tones as the blonde commander continued to talk, though he did raise one eyebrow at them before continuing smoothly. “Eren, I am not going to run away, we’ve been together for years, for once, I’d actually like to just be happy with you, shitty brat.” The old tone was back in that deep voice, yet all Eren did in response was smile.
He flashed the silver eyed one a smile, big and full of sparkling white teeth, one that he knew that Levi loved and then turned back, trying to be serious. It worked for a while, just listening to Erwin before they both had to say their part, one of them looked completely serious and looking as if he was bored, though there was affection in those silver eyes. The green eyed younger just looked amused and said what he had to in his normal happy voice, green eyes sparkling brightly in the sunlight.
“You may now kiss one another.” Erwin stated, giving them a smile and gesturing with their hands that they were allowed to proceed.
Eren merely grinned, turning to Levi, holding both of his hands in his, before they both started to lean in, and then it was as if time froze. He couldn’t move beyond this, they were centimetres apart and then suddenly there was nothing but darkness as it swallowed him whole.
-X-x-X-
Eren’s eyes burst open, still blurred but he reached over to the side of the bed that Levi would normally occupy, only to find it cold and bare of any life. Of course, he thought, he knew it was just a dream as he sat up in bed, looking over at the room that was once the corporals, even though they had defeated the Titan’s, he still couldn’t leave this place, it was full of too many memories that he clung to desperately. Eren looked over his left shoulder while still laying there in their bed, he saw two jackets, one clean and one still covered in blood, that one was Levi’s, it made Eren shudder to recall how he had got that much blood on his jacket, how he died.
It was his fault, he knew that, he had accepted that, as best he could, be he still hated himself, in that one final battle. He had lost control, bitten his hand, turned into his Titan form and didn’t remember much after that, except, when he heard someone send out a bone chilling scream of his lovers name, it made him have control then, only for a few moments, to see him hit a dozen branches and then his body crunched against a tree trunk, before falling a few metres to the forest floor. His back had snapped and the sound had stopped everything for the younger male in that moment, before he flew into a flurry of rage and was no longer in control once again. The memory alone made ice run through his veins, freezing him in the moment for a few minutes as it replayed over and over behind his eyes.
They had won, in the end, Eren had been subdued and placed in containment while everything was sorted and victory was assured. Though everyone told him he should be happy, it was the last thing he could feel, knowing that he was responsible for the death of the one person he loved, that one person that sometimes made him forget about killing titans, forget about them for a few hours, now it was just a crushing loneliness that weighed on him and was going to tear him asunder if he continued down into the hurricane of bad thoughts.
His friends had tried to stay around, but he just smiled, told them to leave on their separate ways, wherever they wanted to go. He didn’t want to see the ocean anymore, though he had, in the two years since losing Levi, his friends had come back and dragged him out, Armin, Erwin, Mikasa, Hanji even Jean, but he still hadn’t cheered up. In the end, it just made him worse, just made him long for the plans he had made with Levi, knowing they would never come to fruition, ever.
He wasn’t aware he had done it, but he had got out of bed, the one he once shared with Levi, gone over to his jacket and held it in his hands. Looking down at it, he knew he had done more than broken Levi’s back, but he hadn’t noticed, never at first, but the blood was an obvious sign that some skin had clearly broken, he wasn’t even allowed to see his lover’s body before he was buried. It was so unfair, to be so alone, yet he had chosen it himself, not wanting to damper everyone else and so far, everyone had been doing well, if the copious amount of letters and photos been sent to him were any indication.
It had been something he had stored away, he had retrieved it when they had gone past the cellar just looking in there, he had found something he knew he shouldn’t of, but it would help him. He opened up the book, everyone thought it was rather sentimental, which was why they let him keep it but all they had to do was turn the pages, find that the end of it was hollowed out and in there, set a small vial. The colour of the liquid was rather beautiful, which in turn was laughable, considering what it did to someone’s body, if the notes around it were any indication.
He swirled the aqua coloured liquid in the vial, watching as hints of dark blue and soft sea foam green swirled in it. Perhaps, it was a little poetic, that thing that would help him find happiness, would be the thing to also end him, remind him of the ocean and all the things that were promised and were never given, whatever it was, he opened it up. Steeling himself, he swirled it once more and drank it in one gulp. Throwing the glass and hearing it shatter against the wall, before he stood up, knocking the book to the floor, hearing it clatter before ending up closed, as he made his way back to the bed.
He laid on his side, hand going out to where he remembered Levi once laying, wishing he was there, and then hoping he would see him on the other side. He closed his eyes, feeling the incredible pain of his body shutting down, going ice cold and losing control of his limbs, before it felt like sleep, eyes drooping shut as he drifted off on a cloud, almost like a nice dream as he was engulfed by light.
He now stood there, looking at Levi, in all white, before he moved to wrap arms around him, they were together at last. Though he knew, in the afterlife, he wouldn’t be able to escape all his problems especially the fact that he had taken his own life, there would be repercussions and those he met here would have things to say about his selfishness. But he didn’t care as he wrapped arms around Levi and cried, they were together and that was all he cared about, it felt right, to be by the shorter males side again. He pressed their lips together, feeling everything be complete, he could face anything, as long as Levi was there, by his side.