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It was such a stupid thing to be jealous over. She looked so happy. So beautiful. He was so happy to be with her. Why shouldn't she wear his jersey?
It wasn't her fault. There was no way she knew. Knew any of it. Knew what he'd been through. The moments they shared.
Colin was there at the start of it all. At some club he couldn't remember the name of. Jamie, Isaac, Jeff, and Dixon were all gathered in a booth. Jeff's girlfriend was hanging off his arm, Arlo's fiancé was with him on the dancefloor and Jamie was sitting between Colin and Isaac. Colin was just sitting there hoping Jamie wouldn't find a girl to bring home.
On nights when Jamie didn't find someone, they'd ditch Isaac somewhere and Jamie would bring Colin home. Jamie would say over and over that he wasn't gay and Colin would get on his knees. Colin would be Jamie's toy, the object he'd use to get off. A set of holes. Jamie would let Colin spend the night in his bed and Colin would try to not make it more than it was.
Colin's nursing his vodka when Isaac lets out a whistle. "Holy crap, that's Keeley Jones."
Colin watches Jamie's head whip around like a shot.
"Holy shit," Jamie said in awe, "I used to have her poster on my wall."
Isaac laughed, "Didn't take you for a fangirl."
Jamie flipped him off, "I'm going to go talk to her."
Colin felt dread in the pit of his stomach. This wasn't a girl to take home and have his way with before inevitably taking Colin home again. Jamie was nervous. Jamie was excited.
Isaac asked Colin if he wanted Isaac to play wingman for him. Colin said no. He drank his vodka much faster and watched Jamie's smile grow as he talked to her. Keeley fucking Jones.
The first time it happened Jamie was in a bad mood. Manchester City had beaten Arsenal and Richmond lost to Nottingham Forest. Isaac and Colin came over to Jamie's for beer and complaining. Isaac passed out on the couch and Jamie got up to get more beer. Colin waited for a few moments before he got up and found Jamie pouring water into his beer bottle.
"Recycling?" Colin asked.
Jamie seemed to take a minute to study Colin. "I don't drink," Jamie said slowly. "Are you going to tell anyone?"
"No, of course not," Colin rushed out. Desperate for Jamie's approval.
Jamie looked at Colin like he was appraising him. His face, his body, Colin felt himself squirm. He felt heat rising to his face. He was under a microscope, pinned under glass.
"You like me right, Colin?" Jamie asked.
"Of course, boyo," Colin said, "We're mates."
"How much do you like me?" He asked, taking a step closer.
"What do you mean?" Colin was sure he was beat red.
"You want to keep me happy, right? You want to be important to me?" Jamie reached up to straighten the collar of Colin's polo.
"Yeah, sure, Jamie," Colin stammered.
Jamie let out a small but cruel laugh, "Look I know you're into me."
Colin felt his heart beat a mile a minute.
"I won't tell anyone. If you want, I'll even let you suck me off, give you a night you'll never forget," Jamie said. "I'm not gay but, I bet you're good with your mouth."
Colin sucked him off in the kitchen. Jamie pulled his hair the whole time. After Jamie came on his face, Colin came in his own pants.
"Shit, can't let Isaac see you like that," Jamie said, "I'll lend you some pants and then you can wake him and go."
It should have been a one-time thing. Colin went home and masturbated while wearing Jamie's pants on his head with the band in his mouth and his nose smelling the crotch. It was depraved and gross but he couldn't help it. He missed the taste of Jamie's skin and he couldn't do anything or tell anyone about it.
Keeley started coming out to the clubs with them. Offering to set up Colin and Isaac with her model friends. Isaac actually let her. Jamie would watch Colin with a sick smirk as he explained that he wasn't interested in dating right now. Like it was the funniest thing in Jamie’s world.
Jamie would press his foot against Colin's ankle as he felt uncomfortable. Jamie kept calling Keeley his dream girl. Why was he doing this to him?
Keeley Jones was beautiful and smart and funny and kind. Everyone liked her. She made Jamie more bearable to be around. Colin felt awful for hating her.
They had been hooking up regularly for three months when Jamie first got with Keeley. Colin mourned what they had, even if it was just the occasional blowjob and sharing a bed. Jamie didn't cuddle him or anything. Just came on Colin's face and let him sleep in his bed.
Then they lost a game against the Wolves. Cartrick screamed at the team. Jamie punched his locker. Colin went home tired.
Jamie showed up at his doorstep hours later.
"Jamie?" He asked, not sure why Jamie was there when he could be with his dream girl.
"You going to let me in?" Jamie asked.
When Colin shut the door, Jamie grabbed him by the collar and pulled him into a kiss. Jamie hadn't kissed him before.
"Jamie, what?" Colin asked in a rush as he pulled off.
"That match was shit. I know you want me. Let me make you feel good," Jamie said, he seemed out out of it. Colin didn’t think he was intoxicated, Jamie didn’t drink, but he was angry or sad or something else that Colin didn’t understand. Jamie wanted Colin.
Jamie had never touched Colin like this.
"What about Keeley?" Colin asked. He hated himself for asking.
"This isn't about her," Jamie kissed him again, "Let me fuck you babe." Jamie attached his mouth to Colin's neck.
Colin Hughes was going to hell. He let Jamie fuck him within an inch of his life. Jamie held him for the first time that night. Colin was a weak man
Keeley wore a beautiful pink. blue and purple dress to the gala. It looked like a mosaic or maybe a collage, Colin didn't know art or fashion. Isaac had picked Colin’s suit. It was clear who looked better. Colin knew who Jamie would go home with.
Cartrick got drunk after telling the guys not to embarrass him. Roy caused a scene during the auction and someone paid two million pounds for a date with Richard.
When the band came out, Jamie and Keeley slow-danced and she wore his suit jacket over her dress. Colin went home early. Faked a headache. They looked so good together. Colin got pity bid on by Mr. Mannion’s wife.
He was over Jamie's again. One night out of many where Jamie fucked Colin front behind so he wouldn't see his face. Kissed him and called him affectionate names but swore he was straight. Colin would take all of it. Jamie used Colin's t-shirt to wipe semen off Colin's back and stomach.
"I need a shirt to sleep in," Colin said weakly. He always felt weak and childish asking for anything from Jamie. Didn’t want to put Jamie out. Not when it was so clear Jamie was doing Colin a favor by fucking him.
Jamie kissed his collarbone and grabbed a familiar-looking red and blue shirt from his drawer. Colin would recognize it anywhere. It was Jamie's shirt from their last season.
Colin hoped his blush wasn't too evident as he shrugged the jersey on. It felt important. Jamie let something so distinguished and valuable touch Colin’s skin. Colin always felt dirty next to Jamie.
"You look so hot with my name on your back, babe," Jamie kissed Colin again. Colin fell asleep in Jamie's arms. He would spend the next day feeling nauseous because of how sweet Jamie had been. He hated Jamie. He wondered if Jamie could ever understand truly how much he affected him.
Mannion lost the team in his divorce. Colin didn't even know that could happen. Cartrick got the boot from Ms. Welton. Jamie said good riddance. A lot of them did, Cartrick was an asshole.
Colin had had worse coaches than the old man, he was worried the new one would be worse. They had about a week floating between Cartrick’s departure and the announcement of a new gaffer,
Jamie was in a good mood which meant more time with Keeley and less with Colin. Colin was used to that, Jamie would come to him when his head felt too heavy. When being with someone as perfect as Keeley made him feel like a fraud. Colin was a weak and untalented mass good for Jamie to emotionlessly rut into and laugh at. With Jamie feeling happy he didn’t need Colin. No one really ever truly needed Colin.
Colin tried not to feel jealous. Keeley fucking Jones. He was the one hurting Keeley, not the other way around. He was the homewrecker, he was the other man, he was the mistress. Colin didn’t get to resent her.
Ted Lasso was weird. He was getting in Jamie's head. Jamie was back to only letting Colin suck him off and not touching him more than he had to. Colin felt even more broken and dirty than before but he let Jamie take what he needed.
Keeley was friends with Ted and seemed to be getting along with Roy, which made Jamie angrier. He stopped letting Colin spend the night.
Keeley wore Jamie's old jersey to a match. She had done it before. It was a fact of life. Footballer’s wives and girlfriends wore their jerseys. "You look so hot with my name on your back," he heard Jamie tell her. Colin hated how badly he wanted to cry.
Colin got a concussion from Roy Kent in front of Jamie and Keeley and neither of them did anything. If it weren't for Isaac's interference he would have wound up driving himself home dizzy and concussed. He probably deserved it
Jamie went shirtless and angry to the gala. Colin thought he looked fit as hell. Jamie ignored him. Jamie hadn't spoken to him since before the head butt.
Keeley broke up with Jamie. She found out Jamie was cheating on her. With another woman. Colin wasn't the only secret Jamie was keeping. Colin felt sick. He left the gala drunk on Isaac’s arm and hoped the other man wouldn’t bring up the behavior the next day.
Colin started being nicer to the kit-man. Colin told Jamie in front of everyone he was done. Only Jamie knew what he meant. Colin felt guilty and nauseous.
Jamie went back to Man City. Colin realized how risky it had all been and vowed to not date again until he retired from football.
He'd break the rule in less than two years for a flight attendant named Michael.
Jamie would never mention their past to him. Never acknowledge the heated glances, and too-long handshakes, the way their skin always found each other in a team huddle. Jamie would never come out to the team. Colin believed Jamie was bi. Jamie never confirmed or denied it, Colin still had Jamie's pants, and on nights when Michael was away he’d still allow himself a guilty wank to one of his best mates. He would never tell Michael what Jamie once was to him. Jamie would cry when he got the invite to Michael and Colin's wedding. It was how things had to be.