Work Text:
And when the cold wind's blowing
Snow drifts through the pine trees
In houses lights are glowing
Likewise in your eyes that find me here
With all that I want.
All that I want by The Weepies
When December arrives the firm is covered with tinsel and Christmas trees, some mistletoe hanging in strategic places that let people steal a kiss or two during work hours, the holiday fever has taken over New York and Pearson Specter Litt is no exception.
Harvey’s office which usually looks like the Grinch’s cave seems to have caught up with the rest of the firm’s decorations, conjoint work from Donna and Gretchen, he just smiled the first time he saw it, while she awaited expectantly in a corner of the room. He did everything in his will power not to walk to her and kiss her right there, but they had a deal, they’re not ready yet to burst their beginning of a relationship bubble, not ready to tell the world they’re finally happy. Her joy is contagious and he lets her intoxicate him with it.
If New York looks like someone puked Christmas over it, she behaves as if she were an elf. (A very beautiful, leggy elf, he thinks) She embraces the holiday spirit, a season of hope and new beginnings, looking forward to spend Christmas with her family and a little new year get away with Harvey, but her plans get canceled. When her brothers calls her to explain he needs to go on a Christmas holiday business trip and her parents are going with him she tries to sound nonchalant and ok with it. There’s no way she can leave work and travel with them, and when she tries to book a flight of course there are none available. She’ll spend it alone or flying over the country. Either option doesn’t sound appealing at all. Christmas suddenly doesn’t feel like Christmas.
She’s quiet, he left her on his couch to choose a movie and she’s hovering over drama series instead of the Christmas frenzy she was in until the day before. She even made him watch The Santa Clause movies, by now they both know he’ll do anything for her.
He asks what’s wrong and she explains the situation with her brother “So you haven’t pestered Louis about giving you an extra day off?” She shakes her head, even if the firm is drama free they’re still struggling with cases and clients that want to take their business elsewhere. She gives up and hands the remote to him, he takes 2 seconds and Love Actually starts playing on the background. She shakes her head again, smiling this time.
“You big softy” she says and kisses him sweetly on the cheek; “This is one of your favorites” he says as she snuggles into him. He presses a soft kiss into her forehead, she’s given up on the topic, he knows because if she wanted to keep talking about it she would, but she’s eerily silent. By the time the guy from the walking dead gets frustrated because he fell in love with his best friend’s wife, she has dozed off, her day suddenly catching up with her.
He’s appreciating the cityscape from his balcony when she surprises him, hugging him from behind. She shivers and he gives her the jacket he was wearing. She looks up at him, inquiringly.
“I’m sorry” he whispers while he plays with the ends of her hair.
“For what?” she asks quietly.
He turns his head from side to side, smiles weakly “For not asking you before to spend Christmas with me, because that’s what couples do, and because I wanted to...”
“You want me to go with you to Marcus’?”
He nods “I’m trying but sometimes, like today, it doesn’t feel like enough though, you deserve so much, someone better….”
“I’d love to go” she responds quickly and he smiles, here he was over thinking things when in reality they have fallen down this pattern where moments are easy and he’s not having that much trouble communicating anymore, she takes what he gives her, she’s patient with him, can see through his walls, she always could but he never gave her a reason to try to take them down. She kisses him lightly, and his hand on her back applies more pressure to keep her where she’s standing, but she breaks the kiss.
“Let’s go to bed” she starts walking pauses at the threshold and turns to look at him “About what you said, I want you, not the image of the man you think I deserve… just you” and keeps walking. He follows after her.
Katie and Marcus are waiting for them in their front yard, Harvey parks the car and waves to this brother from inside, and he turns to Donna, gives her a reassuring smile and squeezes her hand. He doesn’t know if the gesture is for her well being or his own. He goes to the trunk, unloads a lot of packages and bags and she helps him, easies his load. They walk together to the porch where his brother is standing looking disapprovingly at the amount of gifts he had brought.
His hand never leaves the small of her back, the previous gesture obviously more for his own benefit than hers. Having her closer makes him believes he can do this, have a normal life, a life that involves Christmas dinner with the family, being nervous, or having the normal feelings of stress and joy at the same time you have when the holidays arrive. She’s his human credential, the one that introduces him to things that he had run away for so long he’s not sure he knows how to anymore. Marcus hugs him first and scolds him after because of the amount of presents; quickly mentions how he won’t be able to buy all of these next year, if he doesn’t come. Donna’s fingers reach for the back of his hand immediately, there’s a lump on his throat consequence of the fact his brother doesn’t trust his presence as something constant. He can’t blame the guy but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt, the back of Donna’s hand caresses his own, just the softest of touches bring him back to earth, she’s not looking at him but smiling at Katie, as the other woman looks at his brother warningly.
“Marcus I’ll be here next year too, don’t worry” his brother doesn’t say a thing, tries to smile.
Katie’s hand is on his shoulder when she speaks to Harvey. “I’m so glad you can make it” her voice is genuine and soft and she opens the door with her bum, walking backwards, she doesn’t even need to call the kids. They come running towards Donna, a little blonde girl and a younger boy screaming excitedly “Auntie Donna! You’re here!” They hug her middle and part of her leg; she caresses the top of their heads, ruffling their hair. There’s a soft cough behind her, Harvey is smiling. The kids notice him then and the scene repeats itself. Marcus comes in after them, trying to hide the presents from the kids. Is not hard, seeing how much enthusiasm they have because of the guests.
Donna watches Harvey’s easy grin and the little wrinkles near his eyes, showing his happiness directed to the kids, if her heart could make a noise of wonder and contentment this would be it. One year ago she would have never imagine being here or being able to witness this exchange, but she is.
The rest of the night passes by quickly and easily. The kids convince them to watch a movie until dinner is ready; the food is delicious, Marcus really having out done himself if they trust the compliments his wife gives him. They share memories of the antics they pulled when they were kids, Marcus and Harvey’s eyes wrinkling on the sides, mischief obvious in their gazes; from time to time Katie fakes a coughing fit because there’s no way her kids need to get new ideas for their frolics. Silence embraces them for a second when the Christmas Carols album they’re listening to ends and one of Gordon’s songs starts playing. Donna stands up, “I’m going to bring dessert” she says as her hand encloses on Harvey’s shoulder, he gazes at her gratefully.
Katie and Marcus share a look, they doesn’t comment on the exchange they just witnessed, but he makes a mental note to thank Donna before they leave, at the same time he wishes his father was present, Gordon would have loved to pester Harvey and tell him ‘I told you so’.
“Donna let me help you” Katie says as she starts to get up, but Harvey motions her to sit down, following after his favorite redhead.
Donna is cutting the pie when he hugs her from behind, kissing her neck. From the living room Katie yells not to forget whipped cream, he takes advantage of where his standing, his hand flat on her stomach.
He whispers sultrily in her ear “How could we forget whipped cream, we’re very fond of whipped cream” he nibbles her ear teasingly and she releases herself from his embrace laughing.
“Please stop saying whipped cream” she’s blushing and he smirks taking the whipped cream bowl from the fridge.
She shakes her head but kisses him on her way out of the kitchen. He’s left alone for a brief moment, his heart biting quickly in his chest, unlike a year ago not because of panic attacks or yearnings, his heart is dancing because he’s happy. The realization hitting him like a tidal wave, thinking back to that ring he saw while he was strolling by the streets of New York the week before. He was with her picking up presents, and in that moment he entertained the idea of saying something to her, but it was too soon. Even if a little voice in his head keeps nagging, telling him he’s 12 years late.
When Katie and Marcus go to put the kids in bed, he goes outside alone, a little bit overwhelmed by his day. The cold always helped him organize his thoughts. She finds him there, sits by his side on the porch swing and hands him a hot chocolate. He takes her hand in his, something recurrent lately, kissing her cheek affectionately.
“Thank you” she voices quietly. “For sharing this with me”
He kisses her, in that moment so in love with her, she has shared every aspect of his life as long as he let her and he doesn't know how to put everything he feels into words, so he just answers “I love you”, she rests her head in the crock of his neck, her breathing tickling him.
Later when they lay in bed he's quiet and she pushes herself up to look at him, her hand on his chest.
“What's wrong?”
“Nothing” he says, but unlike the rest of the day his smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes.
“Harvey” Donna uses that tone that tells him she knows, so why bother hiding things from her.
“I was thinking how much time have we missed” he doesn’t need to dig deeper, they have talked about this but he adds “I was blind”
Her hand draws circles on his chest “I like the term emotionally constipated better” her gaze is soft and her smile makes him feel drunk, she’s back to her usual playful self. He tries to suppress a grin shaking his head.
She adds more seriously “we didn't Harvey, maybe we wouldn’t have worked out back then, we were young, weren't ready… is not lost time, but… finally!' she slaps him on his shoulder lightheartedly.
“So much time ahead of us” he murmurs, pressing his lips to her forehead
“All our lives” she mumbles sleepily, while turning to rest on her pillow again, he turns around and looks at her smiling happily.
“What?” she asks, he brings her back to him, by his hand on waist, their noses almost touching, their breaths mingle, and he kisses her lower lip, she opens her mouth, nipping his upper lip, her right hand cradling his face.
“You said all our lives” he whispers to her mouth. Her eyes gave away she’s panicking, they shouldn't have conversation when she's half sleep and completely vulnerable and naked in front of him. “When we started this you said one step at a time, all our lives seems like a big step”
She blinks and holds her breath “So let's say…” he tangles his hands in her loose hair “If I ask you to marry me you'd say yes?” He’s suddenly feeling brave and she tries to break the tension she's feeling “You sure hope so”
He never stops smiling freely “I do… It’s Christmas, that time of the year for hope and joy”
She nuzzles her nose to his “Merry Christmas restored Grinch”.
He kisses her again, a soft peck on her mouth “Merry Xmas Donna”
She falls sleep blissfully, him cuddling her. Everything that happened to them broke their status quo, things in and out of their control happened and swiped him off their feet. His life was shattered in pieces, maybe he just needed that to look at it, bring the pieces that really matter together, making up for lost time, or just working towards happiness. But when he looks at her sleeping, calm and content from the look on her face, when he feels this amount of love, this feeling of freedom, he is sure the puzzle is complete.
He needs to buy that ring.