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It starts, not all that surprisingly, with Sokka poking fun at Zuko’s angry ponytail era. It wasn’t necessarily Zuko’s best look, but he thought the teasing was rich coming from a guy with his own weird ponytail. They had sat around the living room of the royal family’s beach house on Ember Island, where Katara had pulled out an old portrait of Zuko, a happy child with a smooth unblemished face. The group hadn’t commented on that though, instead focusing on the full head of hair with the normal top knot that young Zuko had been sporting.
“Didn't know you were allowed to have good hairstyles in the Fire Nation,” Katara says teasingly, rolling her eyes at Zuko’s scowl.
“Tell me about it!” Sokka interrupts, “angry ponytail jerk was an interesting look.” He cackles at his remark.
“Why’s his ponytail so funny anyway,” Toph joins in, “I hear you have a ponytail too Sokka.”
“That’s what I said!” Zuko yells while the whole group laughs at him. Sokka turns to glare at Toph, only remembering she can’t see when she remains impassive.
“Anyways~” he continues, a glint in his eye, “at least I didn’t have a stupid bald head with a tuft of hair…I mean, Zuko you gotta know a little bit about style eh?” Zuko groans, muttering something that sounds like shut up, I'm fashionable.
“Come on now Sokka,” Aang interrupts, always the mediator, “my friend Kuzon used to tell me hair was a big deal in the Fire Nation, maybe it was a styling choice.”
Suki pipes up from where she’s leaning on Sokka, “it was a little bold, but hey if you liked it…” The group laughs and Zuko finds he doesn’t mind the teasing as much as he could’ve.
“Well, it was actually a sign of dishonour,” Zuko says, “you know, like I couldn’t grow it back until I gained my honour back.” The group gives him bemused looks.
“What’s with you and honour? I thought these guys were joking when they kept talking about you!” Toph stares at Zuko, looking vaguely amused.
Sokka jumps up, pointing his sword to the sky, “I MUST CAPTURE THE AVATAR AND REGAIN MY HONOUR!” making everyone burst into laughter.
“Come to think of it, you were really focused on the whole honour thing,” Katara says, “How does someone even lose their honour?” The group stops, finally considering the question.
“You know, that's a good point…” Aang says, turning to look straight at Zuko. “We never really asked you what that whole thing was about.”
“Oh yeah, well honour is a big thing in the Fire Nation, so when I was banished, you know, I got really into getting it back.” Zuko sits back as he watches the whole group exchange silent, confused looks. “What?”
“Well…weren’t you banished after the eclipse? You were going on about honour way before then?” Sokka asks.
Zuko raises an eyebrow, “well yeah? I meant the first time I was banished?” That got everyone’s unbridled attention. Toph looked strangely contemplative, while the rest of the group looked shocked.
“Wait- wait what!?” Sokka says, “you were banished when you were chasing us around the North Pole and all?!” Zuko nods slowly, confused at the apparent confusion.
“Hold on, when did you even get banished?” Suki asks, “I thought the Fire Lord sent you to Kyoshi Island - you’re telling me you were there on your own accord?!” Zuko winces slightly, mind taking him back to the burning of the island, and the crazed fixation he had on capturing the Avatar.
“Uhh yeah…sorry about that.”
“Spill the beans Sparky, when were you banished?”
Zuko stops, looking over the group, expressions in different variations of bafflement and concern. “It was about 3 years ago…after the Agni Kai,” he says simply.
“After what?”
“Three years ago!!”
“Why??”
“WHAT THE FUCK HOW OLD WERE YOU!”
Zuko reels back from the reactions, not expecting the sheer anger and intensity. “Uh I was thirteen,” he quickly shuts up after seeing Katara’s and Suki’s faces, looking like smoke could’ve been pouring from their ears. He grits his teeth and focuses on Aang, who perhaps wasn’t the best alternative judging from his wide eyes and glassy eyes.
“What was the Agni Kai thing you mentioned?” Sokka managed to get out, clearly trying to ignore the age thing. The entire group tenses again, and Zuko looks around nervously to see impending signs of a rage incident.
He sighs, figuring he might as well just answer at this point, “it’s a fire bending duel, usually ends with the loser’s death.”
Toph raises her eyebrow, “I feel like I’ve heard about Agni Kai before, maybe from my parents or something.”
Zuko shrugs, “it was a pretty public event, so I assume you guys heard about it here and there. There’s plenty of rumours.”
“Uhh buddy,” Sokka chimes in, “not a peep from anyone over here. Mind explaining the details.”
Suki leans in, “yeah, I’m a bit confused, what does this Agni Kai have to do with your banishment?” Zuko stares at the group, first time having to explain this story, watching as his friends held their breaths, tension spreading like wildfire.
He takes a deep breath, “I kind of lost my honour in this Agni Kai, because I lost, and then I was banished because of all that you know.”
“...but why were you even fighting in this Agni Kai?” Aang asks.
“There was this war meeting I wanted to go to, I wasn’t technically meant to be there,” Zuko says, “but I begged my uncle, and he let me in as long as I didn’t say anything.” Everyone is staring at him with bated breath, Zuko doesn’t really understand the reactions but he keeps going. “I thought I could stay silent but I just had to go and speak.”
“So what?!” Toph yells, “I say dumb shit all the time and I’ve never had to duel anyone!” Katara lightly touches her shoulder to calm her down, letting Zuko continue.
“I spoke out against a general’s plan, and I kind of disrespected him,” Zuko says, “and when he challenged me, I agreed thinking I could win…I was young, arrogant, and stupid.” He huffs at the thought process of his younger self.
“So you fought the general?”
“No, it was my father-”
“WHAT THE FUCK!”
“- because I disrespected him in his war room…” he finishes, slightly concerned at the synchronised outburst of rage from everyone.
“Wait…” Aang whispers, “...is that where you got that scar?”
Zuko stares at his friends, “...you actually didn’t know…?” Aang seems on the verge of bursting into tears, eyes locked on Zuko. Katara is standing up, hand on her water flask, and Suki looks like she’s about to go into the Avatar state herself. Sokka is gripping Suki with one arm, the other hand gripping his hair. Zuko’s eyes slide over to Toph, staring at the ground, hands clenched at her side.
“Scar…?” she says slowly.
“Uh yeah, it’s pretty big, from when my father burned half my face off,” Zuko tries for a chuckle, which quickly fades as the entire group turn their gazes to him. 'Too soon', he thinks ironically.
To everyone’s surprise, a few tears trickle down Toph’s cheeks. Before Zuko can awkwardly intervene, she says, “I thought it sounded familiar-”
Everyone’s attention on her, she continues, “there were stories, rumours from the Fire Nation I guess. No one told me, but I found out anyway. The prince of the Fire Nation duelled the Fire Lord, getting too arrogant while fighting, and after he lost spectacularly, the Fire Lord showed him mercy.” She looks at Zuko sadly, “now I’m starting to think that wasn’t the full story…”
Aang is definitely crying a little bit now, while the rest of the gang looks furious. Zuko looks around helplessly.
“Look guys, I don’t want to upset you even more,” he says, which seems to have the opposite effect. Aang surges forward and grabs him by the shoulders.
“If you don’t want to talk about it, we totally understand,” he says slightly maniacally.
Katara gently moves him off, and says, “the last people you need to be worrying about is us, we don’t want to force you to say anything you don’t want to”.
Zuko takes a moment, then shrugs, “I don’t mind, if you guys want to know.” When they nod, he takes it as his cue to go ahead.
“Well, it kind of happened like that I guess. But one of the reasons I lost my honour was because I refused to fight.” The group gapes at him. “Uh but I guess my father did kind of show me mercy, instead of killing me, he just gave me this scar and banished me, so at least I lived…” Aang bursts into tears and lunges into Zuko’s arms, who takes a minute but wraps his arms around him albeit awkwardly. “Oh…I’m sorry Aang please don’t cry, it’s okay…” he cringes as that makes Aang cry even more.
“What could you have said in that stupid war meeting that led to this,” Suki growls, her eyes wet like everyone elses.
“...the general’s plan was to send a group of recruits as bait into the earth kingdom…I didn’t like that plan.” Katara’s hand locks on her water flask, Zuko thinks her body might actually set on fire. Zuko’s never experienced a group of kids look so murderous, even with his insane sister.
“Guys it’s okay, it all worked out…I even found the Avatar” he says, trying for humour, “I bet Ozai wasn’t expecting that.”
“What the hell does that mean?” Toph sounds so upset, it takes a minute for Zuko to realise it’s not directed towards him.
“Does the banishment have something to do with Aang?” Sokka asks, looking sick to his stomach.
“Yeah my father sent me on a hunt for the Avatar. Once I captured the Avatar and brought him back, I would regain my honour and my banishment would end,” Zuko says.
Aang looks up from Zuko’s chest, arms tightening slightly, “...but I was in the iceberg, and you said…three years…” Zuko looks away. He had tried so hard to not think about this, but it had been obvious from the very beginning. He spent three years at sea, angry, deep fixation on finding the Avatar like that would solve all his problems.
He huffs, “it was a wild goose chase, I know. My father didn’t want me to capture the Avatar, he just wanted to get rid of me-” Toph grabs onto one arm, and Sokka grips the other. “I think I knew, deep down, but I was desperate, I wanted to go home so bad…” The group is in shambles, everyone is crying, everyone is furious.
“I’m sorry Zuko,” Aang whispers, and Zuko just drops his chin onto Aang’s head in response.
“It’s alright guys, it’s been a long time, I came to terms with it a long time ago.”
Suki comes to sit in front of him, “I’m glad you are better, Zuko, I really am, but it’s not okay and we’re going to be mad for you a little longer.”
“Zuko…I’m so sorry,” Aang says again, pulling away to face him. “You didn’t deserve that, and it was wrong of Ozai to do something like that. You didn’t do anything wrong, and Ozai didn’t deserve to be your father, you know that right?” There’s a knot coiling in Zuko’s stomach. He knows that, he knows all of that. He’d confronted his father during the eclipse after all. “You deserved so much better, Ozai was a horrible person,” Aang repeats, more to himself.
Zuko knocks his forehead on Aang’s shoulder, taking a deep breath to steady his erratic heart. Toph squeezes his arm from the side, silently acknowledging the sudden changes in the seismic changes. He finds himself in the middle of a loving but furious circle of his friends, trying to smile reassuringly between tears and a murderous rage.
“I know, I swear, I do-” Zuko starts, voice breaking slightly, surprising himself when he starts to tear up a little. “thank you Aang, thanks for saying all that.” He feels everyone’s presence around him, and while it may have unnerved him once upon a time, it only brings comfort and safety now. They’re all looking at him with thinly veiled concern, but now he knows it comes from a place of love, not pity.
“I spent so long being angry,” he sniffs, “and all I really wanted was to go home…I’m sorry I hurt you because of that…”
“None of that, buddy,” Sokka says, voice wobbling suspiciously, “no more apologies okay?” Katara, Aang, and Suki nod in approval, and Zuko buries his face in Aang’s shoulder and lets himself feel. He’d pushed away everyone for so long, even tried it with his uncle, who only stayed by sheer force. With the newfound support he gained from his friends, he thinks he may be brave enough to let himself be loved.
“You don’t have to earn anyone’s love and respect, Sparky,” Toph says as though she read his mind, “trust me, I learned that the hard way.”
He laughs wetly, “thank you everyone,” he says with his face still buried in Aang’s shoulder.
“Thank you for trusting us with this,” Katara smiles warmly at him, though her hand hasn’t moved from her water flask, but Zuko doesn’t feel threatened anymore. Toph punches his arm suddenly.
“Hey! Why’d you do that?!” Zuko says, affronted.
Toph leans her head against him, and simply says, “would it kill you to tell the story in chronological order?” Zuko huffs in annoyance, but smiles at how it relieves the tension.
“You know, we did have to ask a lot of follow up questions, Zuko is clearly not a storyteller,” Sokka laughs.
“Yeah..” Aang says, “but he’s our bad joke and story-teller.” When the group grins at him fondly, Zuko looks down, his face heating up at the sight of pure affection and acceptance.
“Thanks Aang - wait…you think my jokes are bad??”