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Tanya knows who she is. She may have the body of a 15 year old girl right now but she remembers who she used to be. She had been a 40 year old Japanese salary man until she was murdered by a vengeful employee. The moment she could walk she had worked hard to survive this new world, enlisting in the army at 9 years old she had climbed the ranks, fought hard: All to achieve the goal she had now achieved. The war is over, Tanya survived. Now what?
Tanya watched Visha dance with a man she had only just met tonight, looking so lovestruck and helpless that it made her cringe. She wasn’t quite sure what she felt for Visha but she knew that the sight made her heart ache.
It’s silly to her now but Tanya had always harbored the feeling that she and Visha would be together forever, her first and closest friend in this new world. In hindsight, Visha had always talked about wanting to settle down and have a family after the war. For some reason, Tanya had thought she would be included in that future. Watching her friend become so enamored made her realize that she was very mistaken.
Unable to watch any longer, Tanya briskly walked out of the ballroom and into a nearly empty hallway beyond. The castle turned government facility was extravagant if not a bit neglected from the war. Another couple exited the ballroom behind her, giggling and whispering to each other. She felt her eyes grow wet and raw. Tanya hurried down the hallway, hoping to find somewhere quiet and empty, so she could pull herself together.
She had nearly passed it by; A large balcony, looking out at the vast palace garden. The sky was what really drew her out, the stars were so brilliant and clear. Once outside she let the tears fall, she curled up next to a large potted plant, obscuring herself from view in case someone was also drawn out to this balcony. She stared solemnly at the stars, letting her tears fall silently onto her elegant green dress. Visha had made her wear it, she had put makeup on Tanya’s face and told her she looked so pretty. Tanya had felt amazing, not because she looked pretty but because Visha had been the one to tell her she was.
Tanya startled as another person came out onto the balcony. A tall man, with black hair shorn at the sides but long on top, some of his fringe falling over his right eye. He was wiping his glasses onto his sleeve, looking unbelievably frustrated. It was Erich Von Rerugen.
Tanya was grateful, she knew even if he saw her he would leave her be if she asked. He was the smartest person she knew, aside from herself of course. A very sensible person but still kind and gentle. So like and unlike herself. She stayed quiet, watching him as he watched the stars with a similar reverence as she had not moments ago. His frustration seemed to melt away and he seemed to smile. Tanya thought perhaps she should sneak away and leave Rerugen to his improved mood. She shifted silently onto her feet, crouched low as she began to make her way to the door. Had she been dressed in a suit, as she had wanted to, she likely would have made it out without issue. That was not the case however, and she tripped on her dress hem and face planted on hard concrete.
When she lifted her aching head, Rerugen was looking at her. Funnily enough, he looked more scared than he was surprised.
“Oh, I’m sorry. Excuse me.” Rerugen said, making his way to the door. He stopped suddenly, his eyes meeting hers. Tanya knew he had just then noticed her tear stained face. Rerugen couldn’t leave now, he had an obligation to ask her what was wrong.
Tanya thought about asking him to leave or leaving herself before he could ask. She didn’t though, she stayed silent. She felt lost and afraid. Alone in a way she never had before. Standing she walked to the edge of the balcony and stared out at the stars. A moment later, Rerugen stood beside her. He seemed to stutter a bit, contemplating what to say before finally settling rather anticlimatically on. “You seem… upset?”
Tanya laughed sharply, “Very observant, Rerugen.”
The man looked embarrassed, turning away from the stars to lean on the railing. Likely so she could no longer see his face. “Is it… Is it about the war?”
“What war?” Tanya answered, a bit more defensively than she should have. “The war is over Rerugen. And I’m glad of it.”
Rerugen looked surprised at that, Tanya wasn’t surprised. She knew about the rumors spread about her, that she was a demon. That she loved to conquer and fight and, most of all, kill. She shook her head and Rerugen rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “I- I’m surprised- But relieved I must say. I thought you were- Nevermind.”
The two stood in silence awhile longer. Tanya broke it, to both Rerugen’s and her own surprise. Tanya felt angry suddenly, like a woman spurned and she blurted out. “I hate the world. I hate men, they ruin everything. He ruined everything.”
Ah, Rerugen thought, Young love. He hadn’t known Tanya was seeing anyone. Though he supposed any normal teenager began dating at this age. Though he’d hardly have called Tanya normal, up until this interaction of course. She’d looked so devastated a moment ago. Rerugen knew he should go find help, perhaps Visha could make Tanya feel better. He couldn’t bring himself to leave just yet though.
“That boy was a fool. You are a fascinating person, Tanya.” Rerugen began, surely a pep talk would help the young lady regain her hope for the future. Tanya turned to face him, curious but not angry. So he continued. “You are a genius, with knowledge I can’t even begin to fathom. You are strong, not only physically but internally. And not just as a soldier either, you’ll do great things in this world. You are beautiful as well, you will make someone very happy one day.”
Tanya listened carefully, she no longer felt like crying. She stared at Rerugen’s face as he spoke. He was beautiful; She examined every inch of his face, feeling he was the most handsome person she’d ever seen. It was so obvious she’s unsure how she hadn’t noticed before. His eyes, a chocolate brown, were so kind.
It was only as he finished his pep talk that he noticed Tanya observing him, an odd look on her face. She looked almost… Reverent. It made him uncomfortable.
“Well, I see you feel better so I’ll just-”
“Do you really mean all that?” She said, Rerugen sighed. He may have been prompted by her tears but yes. He really meant all of it.
Rerugen nodded and Tanya’s face broke into a smile, not the terrifying one she used in battle but a soft, sweet smile. His worries faded, he felt good about comforting the young lady. Of course, Tanya ruined it with her next statement.
“Then you’ll marry me?”
The statement was so simple but perplexingly terrifying. Where had she possibly gotten that idea? Perhaps Rerugen had been too heavy handed on his compliments. His mouth opened to respond but Tanya interrupted.
She knew she was being quite forceful in her proposal but she felt resolute in her decision. Rerugen was perfect for her, in hindsight. Smart, reasonable, kind, and handsome. She was completely sure that he was made for her. Tanya wasn’t stupid however, she saw from his expression that the idea was in no way agreeable to him. If all he said was true then there was only one obstacle in the way of her love. Her age. “Don’t worry. I know you aren’t interested right now. In the future you’ll love me though, I’m sure of it. On my 18th birthday I’ll be perfect for you. So don’t get married until then, okay?”
Tanya grinned at him, satisfied in her decision and in his faithfulness for her. Rerugen watched, dumbfounded as the 16 year old walked out the door with a skip in her step. All was right in the world; Visha would marry the man she was so enamored with and Tanya would marry Rerugen. She wouldn’t be left alone in the world without Visha.
Rerugen was left alone on the balcony. He decided at that moment he would get married ASAP, before Tanya could claim him as she believed she had the authority to do once she reached adulthood.
—
Visha began dating that man, who Tanya learned was an American soldier named John Ducker. Tanya was no longer upset however, as she told both herself and everyone she knew. She would be fine because she could have Rerugen instead.
Rerugen was not so content in his future. He began pursuing women who he had previously admired from afar in hopes one would marry him before Tanya could. Tanya actively prevented him from so much as a chance with these women. Telling them rather forcefully that Rerugen was spoken for. Obviously, this wasn’t great for his reputation and soon enough his dating pool dried up. He lost all hope of escaping the terrifying ex-soldier until one day… She left.
Visha was moving to America with John and asked Tanya to come with her.
Tanya wasn’t ready to lose Visha yet.
Just like that, Rerugen was free from Tanya. Without having to hurt her feelings either. He hoped she found happiness in the Unified States.
—-
Tanya felt out of place in the Unified States. It was on her 2nd week there that she’d realized why she’d been so preoccupied with pursuing Rerugen. It was just a distraction, something else she could focus on while her best friend was stolen away.
The three of them lived in a two bedroom apartment now. Back in the Empire, Visha and Tanya had still shared a room in the military dorm, John had his own place, far away from she and Visha’s safe space together. They’d talk every night before bed, about their hopes and feelings, and Tanya felt free to be herself when alone with Visha. Without the war or the stress of ranks, she had really begun to feel safe and free. Despite the increasing amount of time Visha spent with John, Tanya still had some of her time too. Here Visha and John shared a room and Tanya was alone in her own room/study. Visha worked 9-5, working for the army with John,and Tanya hardly saw her friend. Even when she got home Visha’s attention was split between Tanya and John. Though Tanya understood that they couldn’t exactly ignore John, it still felt unfair that John got to have some of this precious time whilst also seeing their shared companion all day at work.
Tanya had not begun working as of yet, more of Visha’s insistence rather than her own. Visha wanted her to enjoy the last two years of her childhood without worrying about work or school. John and Visha took care of the bills easily. Tanya had to agree she needed a bit of relaxing time, after how hard she had worked herself during the war. This was too much freetime and the lack of social interaction and mental stimulation was beginning to frustrate her. This is why Tanya began looking for romance as well. After a trip to the closest bar, she quickly realized the Rerugen was truly her ideal and no American man was even close to her type. She found more luck at the gay bars.
Tanya didn’t realize what she was doing at first. She’d get into relationships and quickly lose interest. It was until a bit of self-reflection that she realized all the women she went after were all replacements for Visha. They all had brown hair and large blue eyes, they were all kind and motherly; But they weren’t Visha. Tanya realized that, despite her own self-denial, she was in love with Visha. And Visha was in love with someone else.
She began to hope that Visha would lose interest in John or vice versa, using that as a coping mechanism instead of letting her dear friend know how she was feeling. Visha would apologize for not being around so often anymore and when she was alone with Tanya, all she would talk about was how much she loved John. The longer things went on this way, the more Tanya realized she was living a lie. Chasing after a friend who would only ever be a friend, nothing more.
John confided in her one day that he planned to marry Visha soon, asking Tanya if she thought Visha would accept his proposal. Tanya had said no, though the guilt in her heart caused her to implore him to wait two more years. Afterall, Visha and John had only been together for 2 years now, that was hardly enough time for such a big decision. John had accepted this advice gratefully and Tanya knew her life with Visha now had a time limit.
She decided to step back a bit, look for something else to provide meaning to her life. As her 18th birthday approached and she no longer had to feign experiencing childhood for Visha’s sake, she made plans for her future. She could complete her GED and then apply to college, earn a degree in business or politics. She would start immediately after her birthday, moving out as soon as she was able. Despite her plans, Tanya felt a deep depression over the concept. The change would be hard but she could do it. She was strong and intelligent, she’d won a war after all. She could find love again, as Rerugen had said….
It was then she remembered her childish plan to marry Rerugen after her 18th birthday. She knew now that that was nothing more than a lie she told herself to cope with her unrequited love for Visha but… Her heart still beat fast when she thought of his face, that moment they’d shared what seemed like forever ago. It was wrong to trade one unrequited love for another but, maybe it wouldn’t be unrequited anymore. Tanya was going to be a grown woman soon and it was obvious from her experience dating that she was not only attractive but she had irresistible allure. Not one woman or man escaped her charm nowadays and surely it would draw Rerugen in as well.
Tanya convinced John and Visha to stay behind so that she could catch up with old friends on her own. It wasn’t hard, despite Visha’s reluctance to let Tanya celebrate her birthday without her, she had no desire to return to that place that held so many bad memories. Tanya celebrated separately with her two roommates, pretending not to be completely disconnected and hopeless, all the while dreaming of seeing Rerugen again.
Visha had fallen in love with John the moment she saw him, despite all the years she had spent with Tanya beforehand. Soon Visha would be married. Tanya believed she deserved that life too.
—
Erich Von Rerugen had to admit, he was stuck in a bit of a rut. Despite everything that had changed since the end of the war, he had stayed in the same job in the same place and with the same people. He had given up on dating not long ago, he felt no passion for any of the women he pursued. He had actually forgotten why he wanted to get married at all until he received a call one day from an old friend.
“Congratulations!” General Kurt Von Rudersdorf exclaimed before Rerugen could even get a word in. The old man snickered at Rerugen’s confusion. “You’re supposed to get married tomorrow aren’t you? Oh, boy. You better hide, before Tanya can come and drag you to the alter.”
Rerugen’s confusion melted away to surprised nostalgia, he let himself laugh along with Rudersdorf. He’d put Tanya and her antics far in the past, he rarely if ever thought of her. Tomorrow must be her 18th birthday. “Didn’t you hear? I don’t need to hide, Tanya moved to the Unified States with Visha. She’s probably forgotten me completely by now.”
Rudersdorf hummed mysteriously. “I wouldn’t be so sure…”
“Hm? What was that?” Rerugen got the sneaking suspicion the man knew something he didn’t.
“Oh, nothing. Nothing… Whelp, I have to go!”
Rerugen mulled over the interaction the rest of the day, mechanically completing his work. Maybe he should write Tanya a letter, make sure the girl was where she's supposed to be. A bit of paranoia came over him. What if she’s already here?
The sympathetic teenager he last saw was replaced with the memory of a murderous 9 year old. Rerugen worried that if the girl came all this way only to get rejected, she may be crazy enough to murder him.
To quell his worries, he went home and packed a bag. He would call out of the next two days of work for a “family emergency” and go to stay in a currently unused estate of his family’s. Even if Tanya didn’t murder him, he’d like to avoid conflict if he could.
Once packed he left to the train station, planning to take the next convoy heading north. A train pulled into station the opposite direction he needed and he watched the passengers unboard uninterested. That was until he spotted the most beautiful women he’d ever seen.
The lady was rather short but with wild blonde hair and the most intense eyes he’d ever seen, she’d looked like a fairy princess from the stories his nurse used to read him as a child. Otherworldly, with a confidence about her that belayed her intelligence and drive. She looked from left to right, getting her bearings. Her eyes met his and Rerugen’s heart skipped a beat as she smiled at him. He looked behind himself, thinking surely he must be mistaken. It was impossible that this living goddess would have any interest in him.
He saw no one else she would be looking at and when he turned back to her he was shocked to see her walking straight for him. Her face was awestruck, as if he was someone she had been waiting to meet her whole life. He realized then, that she must feel the same magnetic draw he himself felt. Was this love at first sight?
The woman was right before him now, even more gorgeous now that he could examine every detail of her mesmerizing face and enticing eyes. He opened his mouth as if to speak but no words would come. What could be said the first time you meet your soulmate?
She laughed at his shocked silence, her voice was the most beautiful thing he’d ever heard. “Just as handsome as always.”
“H-have we met before?” Rerugen said doubtfully. Surely he would remember someone like her. The woman laughed again, the sound like a twinkling bell, music to his ears.
“Are you ready to marry me tomorrow?”
Rerugens stomache dropped.
—
The initial shock wore off and Rerugen came to his senses. This was indeed Tanya, not a beautiful woman at all. Not his soulmate. Just Tanya. He couldn't help but feel disappointed.
Rerugen cleared his throat and fumbled his way through what a proper greeting to an old colleague would be. “Oh well. Hello, Tanya. You are looking well. How's Visha?”
At the name of her friend Tanya’s smile seemed to falter and Rerugen got the feeling things weren't so hunky dory between them. What a shame.
“She's fine.” Tanya said curtly. Even her fake smile was stunning. “Obviously I'm joking about the whole marriage thing. I'm not a child anymore.”
Rerugen nodded doubtfully. Tanya was unpredictable and he knew he had to be on his guard. The girl was an expert at getting what she wanted and if he wasn't careful he would be married to a demon tomorrow.
The man sighed, No… no. That's too harsh. She is nearly grown now. With age comes wisdom. Surely she's calmed down. That reasoning is why he didn't immediately refuse her offer to go for drinks.
“Please? As a birthday present for me?” Tanya begged, her long blonde eyelashes fluttered temptingly.
“Your birthday isn't until tomorrow.” Rerugen corrected after a moment's hesitation. He gestured to his bags, “And I have plans.”
Actually he didn't, Rerugen now thought. He no longer needed to run now that Tanya had already caught him. Still, he hopes the lie will stick.
Tanya is very put off by his response, as if she has expected him to drop everything to be with her. She seems to breathe faster in a sort of panic and her eyes fill with unshed tears. Rerugen is reminded once again of their moment on the balcony all those years ago and realizes that she may need some help once again. Hopefully with less undesirable results. “Actually, my plans can wait. Let’s get a drink.”
The train isn't far from his home and the pub he planned on taking her was in between. He leaves her at the bar to wait for him while he drops off his bags. When he comes back Tanya is glaring down at a sheepish young man who dared approach her. Once her eyes meet his once again she smiles with such genuine joy it makes his heart ache.
Rerugen’s approach scares off the boy and he sits beside her companionably. He is surprised to see a drink already in her hands, more than half down. He sighs and orders a drink for himself. He sips it as he watches her, waiting for her to confess her true reason for wanting his company. When she only started solemnly down at her drink, he decided to begin. “Is this about Visha?”
Tanya looks defensive. “Why do you say that?”
Rerugen shrugs and waits for her to either deny or admit the issue. Tanya downs the rest of her drink and orders another. The next time she talks her speech is a bit slurred. “Visha’s getting married.”
Rerugen raises his eyebrows, he had expected bad news but a beloved friend getting married typically isn't considered bad. He thought a moment, “Do you not like her boyfriend?”
Tanya scoffs, “He's nothing special but he treats her well… he makes her happy.”
Rerugen noticed a bit of resignation in the last statement, as if this was the first time Tanya admitted Vishas new boyfriend wasn't all that bad. “Are you worried you are going to lose her to him? She's your friend, she's not going to stop liking you if she's married.”
“No! Well yes, sort of.” Tanya grumbles, Rerugen gives her a moment to collect her thoughts. “It's just- It's a bunch of things.”
“Go on.”
Tanya continues, “Well for one, we all live together. It sucks seeing them be all lovey dovey.”
“Couples tend to do that. Are you able to get your own place?”
“Not right now but I will.” Tanya concedes. “It's not the only problem, he's always around. I can never have Visha to myself.”
Rerugen nods, seems about right. Tanya feels she no longer has a place in Vishas life. “Have you tried making other friends?”
Tanya snorts, “Not friends exactly…”
Not friends, Rerugen thinks. Ah.
“Dates then? That's great, I'm glad I'm not the only boy you are interested in!” He jokes.
Tanya goes very silent. She seems to think very carefully before leaning closer to whisper in Rerugens ear. Her breath smells like beer, he notices then the glasses in front of her had doubled without him noticing. She was blasted drunk. “Girls.”
Rerugen startles, he wasn't expecting that. “So you are- Uh.”
“I like both.” Tanya answers quickly.
The man nods. Realizing the issue may be more complicated than originally assumed. “Is that… maybe related to why Visha getting married is bothering you?”
Tanya nods. Rerugen hands shake a little… He had never expected but he thinks he can help with this issue a bit, if he admits something he'd kept a secret a long long time. He looks to make sure there are no ease droppers before whispering back. “I had a similar experience. A long time ago.”
Tanya’s eyes widen in shock. She feels tears come to her eyes unwillingly. “Is that why you don't like me?”
The man shakes his head. “I also like both.”
She sighs in relief and he laughs. So, she hasn't given up hope then.
Rerugen feels a similar rush of relief, he'd never admitted that to anyone. In fact, he's never met another person who felt that way about the same sex. He wants to talk more but, he looks around paranoid. Not here. No, if anyone were to know…Rerugen doesn't want to think about it. He silently pays for their drinks and taps the very drunk Tanya to stand.
“Where’re we going?” She stumbled and he holds her under the armpits. She leans into his grasp and he flusters a bit.
“We're gonna continue talking at my apartment.” Rerugen frowns when Tanya smiles victoriously. “Don't get your hopes up.”
Its a longer walk than usual to his apartment. Likely because of the dead weight beside him but he gets there eventually. Once inside he prepares Tanya some water and coffee. He wants to admonish her for over indulging but he thinks he would do the same thing when admitting such a big secret to what is essentially her ex-employer.
Had she chosen the wrong person to come out to… Rerugen is grateful the young adult put her trust in him.
“Tell me about your friend?” Tanya asks, she seems to be a bit more in control of herself. He's just glad she didn't fall asleep.
“I went to an all boys private high school. Before the war obviously. My family was wealthy and religious. I was the top of all my classes, not very popular but not bullied.” Rerugen began, encouraged by Tanya’s rapt attention. “There was this boy, I said he was my friend but he wasn't really. He was no one's friend. I thought I wanted to be near him because I felt bad for him. I would sit with him at lunch and any classes we were in together. We never talked but found comfort in each other's company.”
Rerugen struggles to speak suddenly. Tanya straightens her slouched position and stares. He regains his composure and continues. “A boy came up to me one day and asked me if I'd caught ‘it’ yet. I didn't know what he meant so he asked if I knew that my friend was gay. I think deep down I did know but I didn't admit it to myself or to this bully. I said no, I had no idea and he told me if I knew what's good for me I'd stay away because what that boy had was a disease. And if I caught it… well, the boy went missing a day later. The police didn't charge anybody because everyone knew what he was. They saw it as justice.”
Tanya frowns, she'd nearly forgotten how dangerous being a homosexual in this era was. So used to seeing gay people around and on TV in her days. She shivers, feeling a grateful she chose the right person to tell, even if it was under the influence. “You liked that boy?”
“Yes, I liked him. I always regret not telling him, so he knew he wasn't alone... From that point on, I made sure to not act on any impulse like that again. I denied that part of myself.” Rerugen looks Tanya in the eyes. Fear shone in the brown orbs as he continued. “Do you think… Visha could like you back?”
Tanya always pushed that thought away whenever it came. She knew Visha loved her. But not like that. “No… she loves me but. I don't know”
Rerugen nodded. He guessed as much. Visha was a kind and generous girl but she wasn't like them. He doubted she even knew people like them existed. Still, the lack of confirmation must eat away at Tanya. Poor girl.
Tanya spoke again. “You said… you said you regretted not telling him.”
Rerugen nodded. Seeing where this is going. “You want to tell her.”
“I don't know what will happen.”
“Do you think she'll react badly?” Rerugen couldn't be sure but Visha always seemed to be an accepting person.
Tanya shrugs. She doesn't think Visha will hate her for it but can't see anything getting better between them because of it. She was still going to lose her to John, no matter what. Speaking of… “You know, I tried to date guys too back in America but none were as great as you.”
Rerugen seemed surprised at that. He never thought a woman would still like him after finding out his secret. “You don't mean that?”
“I do.” Tanya’s tone was flirty, “None were as elegant or intelligent or as kind as you.”
Rerugens cheeks turned a bright pink as Tanya moved closer. He thought about telling her to stop but… a part of him really wanted to see what she'd do.
“Or as absolutely handsome as you.”
Rerugen closes his eyes when Tanya leans toward him. When her lips touch his, he softly pushes her away. When he opens his eyes he feels awful.
Her eyes were wide as saucers, mouth agape. She looked heartbroken.
“Im not what you need right now.”
—-
Rejection hurts. That whys Rerugen tried his best to make sure Tanya’s birthday the next day was as perfect as possible. That night after Tanya fell alseep he snuck out to the archives at his work, luckily being as high up as he was he has access to all rooms and the secrets held within. Technically he wasn't legally allowed to pull out old company files but he figured the people he needed to invite weren't gonna be too mad about the breach of privacy.
He invited all of Tanya’s old platoon. Rerugen decided to host the party at his family's estate, both because it's bigger and nicer than his apartment and an easier distance for Wiess and a couple other invites to travel.
He finished at about 4 am and passed out on his couch. 2 hours later and he had to get up, back sore, to make the train to his estate on time with Tanya.
Tanya was less than happy about the early wake up, as well as a small hangover, but she brightened at the concept of a party for her birthday. Apparently she had let the few people she had a mode of contact with know she was visiting, like Zettour and Rudondorph, but others she had no way to find. Rerugen was glad he could do something to make the girl cheer up a bit.
The train ride over she stared transfixed out the window, when he asked she said she was trying to remember what she had and haven't seen from her days of fighting for their country. “It looks different now, much more green and lively. Visha may be willing to come back one day if I tell her.”
Tanya smiles softly at the thought. She seemed less upset at the situation with her friend today. Rerugen wondered if keeping her feelings inside has caused resentment to form within her. He's glad his talk with her did something.
The party went well. Her old platoon was over the moon to see her, which surprised Rerugen. He had imagined her to be a tyrannical leader but they all missed her greatly. They asked about Visha and Tanya explained the other girls' reluctance to come back to her home country. The others understood, though they missed her as well. They promised to visit she and Visha in America one day. Tanya shrugged slightly, not sure that she'd still live anywhere near Visha in the future.
Rerugen quickly changed the subject. Tanya smiles at him gratefully.
The party came and went. Eventually it was only Rerugen and Tanya left in the estate, doing some slight tidying up. The sky was dark and both hadn't wanted to make their way back to the train station. Rerugen spread out a couple pillows and blankets on the floor of the vast entertainment room, the least dusty room with a large fireplace to lie by.
Their makeshift beds are side by side, the two of them lying comfortably as they stare into the fire.
“I'm cold, let's cuddle.” Tanya interrupts the comfortable silence.
When Rerugen looks over to her she has a wicked smile on her face. He fights the urge to smile back. “No, I don't trust you.”
“You don't gotta be afraid, we've come to an understanding. Let me lay a little closer.” Tanya replies, hopefully batting her eyelashes at him.
Rerugen blushes slightly. He was actually also pretty cold but chivalry kept him both from asking and accepting.
Tanya rises, pulling her sheets closer to Rerugen and then diving down beside him. Tanya felt warmer instantly, shoulders pressed together laying side by side. Tanya sighs in relief.
Rerugen however, does not feel much warmer. Tanya was not only cold to the touch but shockingly small.
Tanya, despite being fully grown, was likely no taller than 5 ft. When not pressed together, her large personality makes up for it, making her seem larger than life. A force to be reckoned with. Rerugen himself was on the taller side, being the biggest in his class and the tallest member of the General Staff. He had to be atleast a foot and a half taller than her. He also happened to run hot.
“Still cold?” Rerugen whispers into her hair. He feels her nod in confirmation.
Rerugen wraps her fully into his arms, shivering slightly at the cold of her skin. He feels her scoot closer, every part of her touching him in a partial spoon. Tanya pressed his face into his chest and sighed. She mumbles out a quick, “‘anks…”
Rerugen stays awake far longer than Tanya, heart beating too fast and keeping him awake. He started to think that he should have left Tanya on her own at that train station. He wants to be happy that she'll leave tomorrow but he only feels a deep sorrow. If you'd told him yesterday morning that he would end the next day with feelings for Tanya, he wouldn't have believed it.
He only hopes Tanya doesn't feel the separation so harshly. Rerugen hopes she finds someone better in America. Tanya deserves someone her own age, someone as special as she is.
Next thing Rerugen knows, he's awake and it's bright. He fell asleep without realizing. The sleep was light and airy so that he still remembers what's in his arms. He looks down to large blue eyes staring at him from his hold. Tanya has a sad smile on her face, he wants to tell her he doesn't want her to go either. How badly he'll miss her.
Instead he raises, letting her go. She lets out a disappointed sigh.
“I'm sorry.” Rerugen feels the need to say it, not sure what he's apologizing for.
“Will you wait with me until my train comes?” Tanya responds, not looking at him as she picks a fresh pair of clothes out of her minimal luggage. They had realized the night before that Tanya and he had to take separate trains, one back to Berun and the other the opposite way to an airbase.
“Of course.”
Tanya takes off her over shirt. Rerugen worries she'll get dressed in front of him until she leaves the room to finish changing. Thank God, he surely would have died of a heart attack if she had.
“What time should we leave?” He asks when she returns, stuffing her dirty clothes into her small luggage.
“We have a couple hours still. Anything we can do before then?” Tanya asks, not wanting to wait that time at the train station.
Rerugen thinks a moment before grinning. “Would you like to see my old room?”
Tanya’s eyes widen. “You lived here?”
He nods, “For a time we did. Our home in Berun caught fire, we stayed here while they had it rebuild. It took awhile, from when I was 9 to 14.”
Tanya grins, she nods enthusiasticly while Rerugen leads her upstairs to his old room. The room was pretty dusty, all the furniture covered in sheets to prevent wear. Tanya coughs as Rerugen uncovers the furniture. She's surprised to not see many toys or other things a child would own. Rerugen’s room was sparsely decorated, however almost every available surface was covered in books. Looking at the titles Tanya was surprised to find most were academic. Rerugen pulls a scrap book out from one of the many piles and sits on his old bed with it. Tanya joins him.
She laughs when he turns to a page made up of only a portrait of Rerugen himself, he was a stern looking boy. He couldn't be older than 10 here, it made her wonder if their fate would have changed at all if they had been the same age. She could imagine her own 9 year old self being friends with this boy. “We would have been friends as children, I bet. We've got a lot in common.”
“I would have been TERRIFIED of you.” Rerugen is only half-joking. Rerugen was warming up to her more reasonable adult self but as a child she was harder to put up with.
Tanya laughs at that, she really enjoyed being with Rerugen. This time with him was the most at peace she’d felt in years.
Later, when it’s time for them to separate, the thought of that feeling leaving was nearly too much for her to bear. Rerugen stood with her at the train station in silence, neither sure what to say. The train pulled up and he said a lackluster goodbye, Tanya nods and picks up her things.
When she is nearly at the door Rerugen starts forward, grabbing her hand. She looks at him surprised. “Will you- Will you write to me?”
Tanya smiles brightly. “Yes, I will.”
He nods and she gets on the train. Rerugen stands there long after the train has gone.
Tanya feels completely and utterly content. She had a confidant, someone in her corner who she could vent honestly and without judgment.