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It turns out - unbelievably - that asking is the easy part.
Not that it was easy. In fact, Eoin would like it on the record exactly how difficult it had been to get Paddy to understand exactly what he was asking.
And yet, it was the easy part. Because now they're going on a date. Now there's something at stake. Now he has a chance to have something he wasn't sure he could have, but he could also lose the best friend he's had in years.
And that's a lot of pressure to put on dinner.
They’re not doing anything fancy because it wouldn’t suit either of them, so Eoin decided on a local pan-asian place that his housemate recommended. Different enough from their usual that it would be special, but not different enough that it would feel forced. That is the hope, at least.
Since he first asked, Eoin’s really tried not to think too hard about it. It’s not that he has expectations about what will happen - Eoin considers himself pretty happy-go-lucky so it’s not so much about the date. What he’s concerned about - and therefore what he’s trying to not think about - is what happens after. And not directly after (though that too), but after after. When they have to talk about what this means.
Because Eoin likes Paddy. Is drawn to him in a way he can’t put into words. He simply wants to be around him all the time, to share everything with him, and - if he’s blunt about it - to kiss him like there’s no tomorrow. So he’s not really nervous about the date. But he is worried they’re going to mess up something good.
So instead he’s focusing on what to wear.
Paddy sees him every week in the gym, sweaty and dishevelled, so anything, really, is a step up from that. But as he stares at himself in the mirror, in his third shirt of the evening, he’s starting to think that a shirt is too fancy. He’s already asked his housemates for opinions and ignored what both of them said, so with time running out he settles on a knitted brown polo and black slacks. Not fancy, but not not fancy. He hopes.
-
As Eoin walks up to the restaurant, he sees Paddy is already waiting outside and takes a moment to admire him. He is used to not showing Paddy all of what he feels - although he’s certain he’s never been particularly subtle - and the idea of walking up to him now and telling him to his face how good he looks makes Eoin jittery. Because he does look good, in a cream fishermans jumper, the collar of a light blue shirt poking over the top. It hits Eoin suddenly that he’s never seen Paddy dressed up and it makes his heart skip.
“Alright there,” he greets, smiling.
“Eoin,” Paddy nods. It’s somewhat formal, leaving Eoin bemused, but he nods back all the same and gestures to the door.
“Shall we?”
It's not busy inside, which isn't surprising for midweek, but colourful lanterns hanging throughout in a rainbow of colours, creating a soft, warm light. It's quiet, cosiness makes it feel welcoming and Eoin can feel himself shake off the last of his nerves.
They are led to a table in the window and when he goes to sit down, Paddy stops him so that he can pull out Eoin’s chair for him. Eoin rolls his eyes at the action, but blushes all the same as he sits down.
“How have you been?” Paddy asks one they have ordered drinks.
“Good,” Eoin smiles fondly, amused at Paddy’s formality. “It has been a good week. And you?”
“I am well.” He offers nothing more, so Eoin continues talking about his week, used to Paddy’s quietness.
By the time their food arrives, however, he has decided that there is something off. Conversation doesn’t always flow easily between them, Eoin wouldn’t go so far as to suggest that Paddy is anything of a conversationalist, but this reservation is unlike him. Conversation with Paddy is combative. And Eoin enjoys the competition, the games they play, and the way they reveal the artistic way Paddy can manipulate language. Right now, he is holding back.
Eoin stretches a hand across the table to rest on top of Paddy's, an attempt at drawing his attention and offering comfort at the same time, though he's not sure what is wrong. “Are you sure you’re okay, Pads?” Eoin asks earnestly. He nods in response, pulling his hand away with a gentle but unmistakeable intention. "Aye. How is your food?” With his change of topic, Eoin drops his questioning, feeling distinctly frustrated about Paddy's lack of interest in talking.
When the bill arrives, they split it evenly, with very little discussion.
-
When they step outside, it has grown chilly and Eoin pushes his hands into the pockets of his jacket, pulling it tighter around him. He breathes deeply, the cool air refreshing, and tries to shake off a feeling of underwhelm. If he really thinks about it, he's not sure what he expected from this evening. Didn't let himself think about it enough to build expectations. Yet there's a distinct lack of something .
It hasn't felt like a date, there was no spark or fluttering butterflies or tentative touches. Dinner tonight feels like every other dinner they have had together.
And maybe that's how dating Paddy should feel; settled, like their friendship always is.
Or maybe the answer is that it feels like they are friends because they should be friends. Maybe this works so well because that is what they are and they shouldn't be trying to complicate it.
“Can I walk you home?” Paddy asks quietly, breaking into Eoin’s thoughts. Eoin looks at him and realises Paddy has been watching him. He nods gently, and they turn towards Eoin's.
-
By the time they reach his house, Eoin thinks he should try, just once, to see where they stand now. The walk has not been silent, but Paddy maintained a distance between them as they walked and when Eoin attempted to nudge closer, to brush his hand experimentally against Paddy's, he moved his hands behind him, holding his own hand at the small of his back. Eoin knows Paddy well enough by now to know that he will not communicate his thoughts unless prompted on a matter such as this but based on this evening, he’s not sure Paddy has any positive thoughts to share.
Part of him doesn't want to ask at all, which is probably why, somewhere between his brain and his mouth, his attempt to check in with Paddy turns into, "Will you come in?”
But Paddy does that infuriating thing where instead of answering, he simply watches. His gaze roves over Eoin's face, moves to his eyes, his lips, his eyes again. “Not tonight,” he says simply.
Something of his disappointment must show on his face, because Paddy takes a half step forward, aborting a movement of his hand that may have been an attempt to touch Eoin's. “Eoin…” he trails off. It is a rare thing indeed to render Paddy speechless. Eoin only wishes this wasn't the reason.
“Paddy, look, if you don't want to do this, then that's fine-”
“Don't put words in my mouth, Eoin,” he interrupts harshly. Catching himself before he continues, when Paddy next speaks it is with a care for every word he says. “I do not mean to make you feel like I am uninterested.” He takes a step towards Eoin, closing the gap between them. “I am very interested. But you are not someone I am willing to lose so I have determined to do this properly.”
“Properly?” Eoin asks faintly, a little preoccupied with Paddy saying is is unwilling to lose him.
“Aye,” Paddy confirms, and places a hand on Eoin's neck, thumb brushing along his jawline. “Slowly. One step at a time.” Eoin leans into the touch as he feels his face heat at Paddy’s words. “I want to treat you right, Eoin.” Their eyes meet and Eoin can feel himself leaning forward, anticipating the kiss he's been thinking about for months.
But Paddy stops, just inches away from his mouth.
After a moment, Eoin says, quietly, “You can kiss me, Paddy.”
“If I kiss you, I fear I shall not stop.”
“You don’t have to stop,” Eoin replies with a smile and a fond shake of his head.
“Oh but I do. Because if you decide this isn’t what you want, I do not know if I can be your friend knowing how it feels to…” Paddy falters, his eyes dropping to Eoin’s lips. He is afraid, Eoin knows. Knows because he feels it too, feels the edge of the moment they are standing on and knows that jumping changes everything.
But god is he ready to jump.
“Tell me what you want, Paddy,” Eoin responds, tilting his head slightly to brush his nose against Paddy’s and placing his hands on Paddy’s hips. “Tell me what you want and I will give it to you.” And he closes the gap between them, kissing Paddy.
For a moment, he is flooded with deja vu, his senses once again overwhelmed with the feeling of Paddy’s lips, and then it fades because this time Paddy is kissing him back. Gentle, at first, like he’s testing the waters.
And then a dam breaks.
Paddy pushes him back forcefully into the front door and Eoin is being kissed like he has never been kissed. Paddy kisses like he's drowning, hands are on Eoin's chest, his shoulders, his neck, clinging to him as if this is only lifeline.
Paddy’s tongue licks into his mouth and Eoin simply tries to keep up, sliding his hands round Paddy’s back to pull him impossibly closer. They kiss like that for what could be hours before Eoin finally pulls back, breathless, to put just an inch between their lips. He feels like a teenager, jittery and overwhelmed and like he's doing something he shouldn't be.
“You should come in,” he smirks, “Or are you aiming to give the neighbours something to talk about.”
“If they wish to look,” Paddy growls, but with a final slow kiss, moves away from Eoin enough that he can turn and let them into the house.
True to his word, Paddy does not stop. His hands don't drop from Eoin as they step inside and the moment the door closes, Eoin finds himself against it again as Paddy kisses his way up Eoin's neck. Obligingly, Eoin tilts his head to give him better access, gasping when Paddy bites down, hard.
“I kind of meant that we should get to my room,” Eoin says breathlessly. Paddy kisses along the edges of where he had bit Eoin’s neck, edging closer to his ear to breathe,
“Then show me the way.”
Despite his words, Eoin literally has to pry Paddy’s hands from his waist, using the momentum to push him away, turn them round, and pull him toward the stairs.
“My room, Paddy,” he whispers, as if Paddy simply needed a reminder of where they were going.
Eoin expects that the moment he closes his bedroom door, he will once again be pushed into it, ensnared by Paddy’s strong arms, his animalistic kisses. Instead, he is given unexpected space to breathe as Paddy sits on the edge of the bed and looks back at him. Tension is radiating from him, like it’s effort simply to hold himself still, and his dark eyes watch Eoin carefully, like an animal watching it’s prey.
So Eoin decides to give him something worth watching. He shrugs out of his jacket first, toeing off his shoes at the same time because there’s no sexy way to do that. But it doesn’t seem to matter, because Paddy can’t take his eyes off him. His hands rest on his thighs and Eoin can see the way he wants to move, his fingers twitching impatiently. He takes off his shirt next, and doesn’t stop to let himself think as he undoes his belt too. Before he can go any further, though, Paddy’s hands shoot out to take hold of Eoin’s hips and pull him close, to stand between Paddy’s legs.
“You,” he says, voice low and heated, “are an awful tease.” Eoin only smirks in response, placing his hands on Paddy’s shoulders. Paddy’s hands travel slowly along Eoin’s sides, sending a shiver of anticipation down his spine - a movement that has Paddy smirking right back at him.
“Why shouldn’t I tease when I know you like to watch?” Eoin murmurs, revelling in the feeling of Paddy’s hands on his body, skimming over his waist, his abs, his chest, teasing just as much as he is accusing Eoin of. Emboldened by the feeling, Eoin shifts, pushing Paddy further onto the bed so that he can straddle his lap, running a hand into his hair to pull him into another heated kiss.
“When you bend your body into those ridiculous positions…” Paddy says between kisses. He doesn’t finish the sentence, but his hands snake down to Eoin's ass and pull him in closer and the feeling of Paddy’s obvious erection is answer enough as to where he was going with it.
“Fuck,” Eoin murmurs in response, because there are no other words when he can feel Paddy like that.
“Not tonight,” Paddy says. Eoin pulls back from where he was mouthing at Paddy’s neck.
“Not tonight?” he asks.
“Not tonight,” Paddy repeats. “But there’s plenty else I’d like to do to ya…if you’ll let me?” Eoin breathes out a laugh,
“I told you Paddy… tell me what you want and I will give it to you.”
Suddenly Paddy stands, picking Eoin up to turn them around and place Eoin on the bed, laying him down and climbing on top of him, kneeling between Eoin’s legs. Without pausing, he pulls off his own jumper and starts undoing his shirt. Eoin reaches up to help him shed it faster.
As it lands on the floor, Eoin spreads his hands across Paddy’s chest, revelling in the opportunity to touch what he has so long admired. He moves up over his chest to his shoulders, to pull Paddy back down to him, capturing his lips in another heated kiss before Paddy moves away to kiss his way along Eoin’s neck and collar bone. Eoin arches into the feeling, inadvertently pressing their hard-ons together and he can’t help but moan at the feeling. They start thrusting against each other, rolling their hips in an out-of-sync rhythm that is nothing but desperation.
Eoin works his hands between them to undo the buttons and fly on Paddy’s trousers, and then his own, sliding them down his thighs as best he can with Paddy atop him. They grind against each other and with one less layer between them, Eoin can feel the way their cocks rub against each other, his own twitching at the desperate friction. It's better - god it's better - but it's not enough.
He reaches down to his own boxers to push them down, but Paddy quickly takes over, pulling Eoin's trousers and boxers off him and dropping them to the floor.
“Fuck you're beautiful,” Paddy murmurs the moment his eyes are back on Eoin. He scans slowly across his body, indulging in ways he hasn't before.
“Shut up,” Eoin squirms under his gaze, feels his face and chest turning pink.
“No,” Paddy says, leaning down to peck him on the cheek. “Never,” he says, repeating the action at the point where his ear meets his jaw. “Not until you know how radiant you are.” He keeps kissing down Eoin's neck, nipping and sucking as he goes. When he reaches Eoin's collar bone, he sucks hard and Eoin knows instantly there will be a mark.
Meanwhile Paddy's hand travels down Eoin's body, skimming so lightly over his side that it tickles, until he reaches Eoin's bare hip. He holds tight to it, rubbing his thumb back and forth over the jut of his hip bone as if he cannot believe he is truly touching it. Slowly - tortuously slowly - his hand slides across from his hip, tracing the line where his leg meets his body to rest his hand at the base of Eoin's twitching cock. “Please, Paddy,” Eoin gasps.
Paddy stops sucking at Eoin's neck to look down at him, his curls dishevelled, his eyes wild . Instead of responding, he wraps his hand firmly around Eoin's cock and starts stroking him with long, slow movements, watching Eoin's face for every reaction.
And he does not disappoint, closing his eyes in bliss, his already pink cheeks deepening in colour as he makes little noises that Paddy is confident he is trying to keep to himself. Paddy wants to hear those noises though, so he moves his hand faster.
As he does, he pulls down his own boxers as best he can with one hand, kneeling over Eoin and stroking his own cock the same rhythm.
It takes a second before Eoin opens his eyes again, lost in the feel of Paddy's hand on him. When he at last sees the way Paddy looks above him, he cannot help letting out a drawn out “ Fuuuuuuucckkkk .” He looks incredible, his chest flushed, his eyes focused so completely on Eoin. It makes something in him burn.
“Have you got any-” before Paddy can finish the sentence, Eoin is reaching out, stretching as far as he can with Paddy above him to open the top drawer of his bedside table. He searches blindly for a few seconds before triumphantly pulling out a bottle of lube. “How conveniently placed,” Paddy smirks. Eoin doesn't have any shame about it, smiling right back at him.
“Do you want it or not?” he challenges. He sees the way Paddy’s instinct to fight battles with his desire; the light in his eyes, the tensing of his jaw all change subtly as one gives way to the other.
“I want you,” he says simply, taking the bottle and squeezing some into his palm before throwing it to the floor with everything else.
This time, he leans down, using one arm to brace himself above Eoin and wraps the other around both of their cocks. The feeling is incomparable. The wet slide of their cocks against each feels better than Eoin could have imagined and he can't help but gasp out Paddy's name. He's not going to last long like this.
Paddy keeps stroking them, adding a shallow thrust that Eoin's not even sure he's conscious he's doing but feels incredible as they slide against each other. Eoin has given up trying to keep his noises to himself - if nothing else, the louder he moans the more pleased Paddy seems, leaning down to kiss him and capture each new noise in his own mouth.
When they finally break apart, Paddy moves to rest his forehead on the pillow next to Eoin, and Eoin can't stop himself from bringing a hand up to his hair just to hold it tight.
“Fuck, Eoin,” Paddy murmurs into his ear, breathless, “The things I want to do to you.” Hearing his voice, so low he is practically growling, has Eoin wanting to beg for more, for anything.
“Tell me,” he responds.
“I want to get on my knees for you. I want to suck you off so hard you can't speak. I want to take you on every surface in this fucking house.” His words push Eoin over the edge and he cries out as he cums in Paddy’s hand. Paddy - with some impossible presence of mind - places his hand over Eoin's cock as he finishes, catching his cum in his hand only to use the same hand to continue jerking himself off. With only a few more strokes, he follows Eoin, spilling across his torso.
Paddy collapses on top of him, a mess of cum and sweat between them. He mouths lazily at Eoin’s neck and Eoin is certain, now, that there will be marks everywhere. He can feel Paddy’s heart beating just as fast as his, and he can’t stop himself from running a hand through Paddy’s hair, so overcome with affection to leave him struggling for words.
“What now?” he whispers at last, when his breathing has returned to normal and his eyelids feel heavy.
“ Now therefore, while the youthful hue / Sits on thy skin like morning dew…” Paddy murmurs in return, pushing himself off Eoin to roll to his side, watching him closely, “And while thy willing soul transpires / At every pore with instant fires, / Now let us sport us while we may...”
“If you think it is romantic to quote smutty poetry at me,” Eoin smirks, “then you would be right.” He kisses Paddy gently, pulling back with a smile. They watch each other quietly for a few minutes before Eoin works up the courage to say what he’s been thinking. “You’ll stay?”
Paddy blinks at him, eyebrows furrowing slightly. One hand comes up to stroke the side of Eoin’s face. “I meant what I said, Eoin. I want to do this right.” Eoin kisses the edge of Paddy’s hand, feeling lighter than he has in months.
“You will,” he says confidently.