Work Text:
Kate pauses, the coffee pot titled over her to-go mug as the freshly-brewed dark roast starts to fill it. “Another undercover assignment? For both of us?”
Lucy carefully takes the pot from Kate, leveling it off before all 8 ounces end up on the counter. “Cool, right? A joint undercover operation. Thelma and Lousie, teaming up to take on the bad guys.”
A warm smile flickers across Kate’s face. It’s one of Lucy’s favorites–the indulgent one. The kind of smile she gets when Kate is charmed by her and whatever silly thing she’s said this time. Lucy grins back at her, sealing the to-go mug and sliding it across the counter to Kate.
“So who’re we going in as? Colleagues at a conference? College roommates on a reunion weekend getaway?” Her face pales. “Please don’t tell me we’re going undercover as sisters.”
Lucy snorts. “Yes, because we look so much alike.” She rolls her eyes. “Top of your class, huh? They do say that some people are booksmart and some are–” She grins when Kate raises a single finger at her. “Some are both booksmart and street smart. You, Kate Whistler, must be both.”
Kate’s eyes narrow playfully. “Good save, Agent Tara.” She pops one hip against the counter, one hand snaking out and encircling Lucy’s wrist gently. “But for your information, I am both. It wouldn’t be totally ridiculous to think that higher ups would want us to go as sisters.”
Lucy could go on a rant about those kinds of higher ups but she can’t quite summon her righteous fury when Kate’s thumb is brushing against the pulse point at her wrist, sending little flickers of something warm and heady up her arm. Her eyes drift to where their skin meets and lingers there. Her whole life she’s been searching for the feeling of content . Of warmth and want and the feeling that she’s found a place in the world where she can exist peacefully.
She didn’t know she’d have to cross an ocean to find it. Or that it would be with someone like Kate, who loves as fiercely as Lucy does but in quieter, subtle ways. Lucy always thought she wanted a loud love–something big and bombastic that would wrap her up. Kate doesn’t love like that–serenading aside–but she doesn’t love any less. Lucy thinks she might actually love more, that the little ways Kate loves her adds up to something bigger than she could have dreamed of when she was younger and hoping for something of her own.
Like now, just Kate’s fingertips pressed to the thin skin of her wrist. Their heartbeats align. Kate smiles and Lucy feels that warmth spread to her chest. Lucy has never felt more loved than she does in these small moments.
Which is why she’s nervous to say what’s next.
“Not sisters,” she says slowly. “The hotel caters to families but they have a pretty impressive, uh, newlywed package.”
Kate’s forehead furrows in confusion. “A newlywed package?”
Lucy steps in closer, her free hand fluttering forward to brush against Kate’s waist. “Sure. Tennant agreed that it would be the perfect cover. Newlyweds come to the island all the time, and no one would be suspicious of another couple taking advantage of the beautiful weather in paradise.”
Kate nods a little. “That makes sense. Did you know that an average of 750,000 people come to Hawai’i every month?”
“That would explain the long coffee lines. How many of those are newlyweds?”
“Well, I don’t have those numbers.” Kate’s eyes light up. “But I could find out!” She starts to reach for her phone. “I could call–”
“No,” Lucy says quickly. She stops Kate’s hand. “You don’t need to look it up. I’m going to assume the number is high, though. So, we’ll blend right in!”
Kate’s hand leaves her wrist, their palms sliding together as their fingers lock. “I’m going to call my friend at Hawai’i Tourism Authority later. Because I want to know.”
Lucy smiles. “That’s why you’re so smart. And why Ernie has you on his trivia team.”
She hates trivia nights. Kate is gone for hours and Lucy can only watch so much ESPN before the number of times they mention the Green Bay Packers sends Lucy into a frenzy that always ends with her blasting the cheeseheads online. But Kate comes home happy, flushed with half-priced drinks and victory, and Lucy does love the way it makes her smile sparkle. So it’s a tradeoff.
Kate smiles. “We’re on the verge of beating the Quizzly Bears. I can feel it.”
“You have to. For two reasons.” Lucy counts on her fingers, tapping them against Kate’s hip. “One, that’s the stupidest name. And two, Ernie will not shut up about them. It’s driving me crazy .”
Kate laughs quietly. “Try sitting next to him when they get on a hot streak.” She quirks an eyebrow. “He gets a little… intense.” She makes a small face, hesitation in the corners. “You’re sure Tennant said the two of us?”
Lucy frowns. “Of course she did. Who else would I go undercover as a newlywed with?”
“I don’t know.” Kate shrugs. “Jesse? Kai?”
“Me? Married to Kai?” Lucy makes a face, the idea like chalk in her mind. “That’s disgusting. He’s, like, my brother. An annoying older brother.”
Kate laughs softly. “Yeah, and I’m pretty sure he has a girlfriend, too.”
Lucy’s eyes widen. “What? Wait, she's real?” Her palm goes flat against Kate’s hipbone so she doesn’t crush the fabric in her grip. “How do you know that? Did he tell you?”
“Of course he didn’t tell me. Yet . There’s just… signs.” Kate sighs when Lucy looks at her expectantly. “Like, the last time we went to lunch–”
“Without me.”
“The last time ,” Kate continues over her. “He was distracted. Checking his phone, smiling at it like I wasn’t sitting across from him and his vegan katsu wasn’t going cold. And you know how much he loves that.”
Lucy shrugs a shoulder. “I actually don’t know that, since you didn’t invite me to lunch.”
Kate rolls her eyes and smiles, squeezing Lucy’s wrist gently. “Anyway, I knew that look on his face.” Her smile softens. “It’s the same one I have on my face when I’m thinking about you.”
A sudden rush of affection blossoms in Lucy’s chest, threatening to steal the air from her lungs. Her cheeks flush, just enough heat that she can feel its pleasant burn. “Kate,” she says quietly.
The moment feels heavy, weighted down with unspoken words that feel too insignificant. She needs to pivot before she falls into an endless spiral of my feelings for you are large enough to drown me, Kate Whistler . So she winks.
“You already reeled me in. You don’t have to flatter me.”
Kate laughs softly. “Maybe I just want to make sure you’re still on my line.”
“Hook, line, and sinker,” Lucy murmurs as she slides her hand to the small of Kate’s back, tugging her forward a step, their hips brushing against each other.
Kate’s hand slides to her elbow, trapping it between their bodies. “You know, I’m not a great fisher.” Her voice is just as quiet. “But I guess I’m good enough to have caught you.”
Lucy’s eyes flutter closed, her chin tilted in Kate’s direction. “Why is this a fishing metaphor?”
“You started it,” Kate breathes against her mouth.
It’s not their first kiss or even their hundredth. But it always feels new: the warmth of Kate’s lips, the way her bottom lip fits perfectly between Lucy’s, the soft exhale as Kate lets herself sink into it. Her body bows into Lucy’s, fitting against her like a good dress–all long lines that hug Lucy’s curves delicately. Kate’s fingertips press heartbeats into the back of Lucy’s elbow and her mouth presses sweetly to Lucy’s like a hundred promises she’s making each time their mouths move against each other.
Lucy pulls away, eyes still closed. She can feel Kate’s smile, not quite touching hers. Kate’s shadow swells in again, their lips touch once more, and then there’s the sunlight back, warming up the spaces Kate’s body just was.
“Fishing pick up lines,” Kate muses. “I’ll have to remember that.” There’s a teasing smile on her face.
Lucy wants to kiss it away. So she does, just a soft press of their lips before she sways back again. “And that is why I’m not playing newlyweds with Kai.”
Kate’s smile is wide and bright. “Yeah, I don’t think you could pull that off with Kai. And I definitely don’t want to think about it.” She squeezes Lucy’s arm quickly before dropping her hand from her skin. “So, newlyweds.”
Lucy feels herself echoing Kate’s smile. “Just you and me and the taxpayers’ money in a cushy honeymoon suite for a few days. Oh, you can wear that dress you just bought.”
“I do like that dress.” Kate takes a measured sip of her coffee, wincing slightly at the heat of it. “What’s our backstory?”
“Well, at least one of us is in the service. The hotel is for service members and their family.” Lucy takes Kate’s to-go mug and takes a sip. She’s so glad she convinced Kate that the mushroom coffee she was hooked on for a little while wasn’t making much of a health difference. “Do you want to be a service member? Or I could be?”
“You,” Kate says after a minute. “I’ve had my fair share of pretending to serve, thank you very much.” A shadow passes over her face, and Lucy thinks of finding Kate on that ship, bruised and bleeding. It clears quickly.
“So you’re one of those sailor seekers?” Lucy teases.
“A sailor seeker .” Kate makes a face. “You made that up. I don’t like that.”
“I did not make that up. I had a roommate when I was in field training who dated only Navy guys. That’s what everyone called her.” Lucy smirks. “I think she dated 4 of them in, like, 6 months.”
“Okay, that’s a little excessive. But for the record, you’re the only fake naval officer I’d date.” Kate takes her coffee back. “I think we met at a speed dating mixer.”
Lucy’s mouth drops slightly. “We get to rewrite our history and you want to meet at a speed dating event?”
Kate shrugs. “Why not? We can have a fun story. One minute together and we knew that we didn’t need to meet anyone else? And we kind of did the whole speed date thing that first weekend…”
Lucy feels a flicker of a memory rush through her. That three days, two nights was one of the best weekends of her life. And look where it got you , a voice sings in her head.
“I’d say that was a marathon…” She laughs when Kate swats at her. “But fine. Speed dating. Did we go home together?”
“No, I’m a lady.” Kate preens slightly. “But I called you first.”
“Of course you did.”
“You couldn’t expect me to stay away, could you?” Kate reaches out, a finger to the bottom of Lucy’s chin. “Meeting you was inevitable, Lucy Tara. I wouldn’t pass that up in any lifetime.”
There’s a warm, syrupy feeling in her chest that makes it feel like she’s melting. Little, subtle ways , she thinks. Kate loves just as big. How it took so long for them to find each other, it doesn’t matter. They have each other now.
“Well,” Lucy says, clearing her throat. “We got married after a whirlwind romance, then? Just rushed headlong into things? I bet you couldn’t resist me.”
Kate winks and curves around Lucy towards the table. “Who could?” She checks her phone. “That hair, your personality, your smile…” Kate pauses. “Your heart.”
Lucy’s face flushes again and she knows she’s spiraling out into a pile of mush. She’s glad the guys aren’t here, that they don’t know the things Kate says when it's just the two of them. They’d never let her live it down. Especially the way her whole body seems drawn to Kate’s words, like she’s at the end of a string Kate is pulling. She’s a scrappy NCIS agent out there, but here in their apartment–their home–she’s just a lovesick fool who goes a little weak-kneed whenever Kate starts complimenting her and saying things sixteen-year-old Lucy would have laughed at.
How far Lucy Tara has come. An angry, scared teenager convinced she’d be stuck under her parents’ thumb for her whole life to this: an independent woman who has a famiiy that wants her to shine, a woman who loves her harder than she’s ever been loved. Look at me now , she wants to scream. Look at who I can be without you.
“Lucy?”
Lucy blinks. “Sorry. Where were we?”
Kate smiles kindly. “Want to talk about it?”
“Hmm?” Lucy shakes her head. “No. No, it was nothing. Not anything important.”
The word important sparks a thought. She snaps her fingers and breaks for her go-bag, rifling through it. “I have something for us.” She knows she put them in here, right after Tennant pushed them into her hand with a soft smile and told her to go read Kate in on the plan. They were heavier than she thought they’d be, the shape of them different than she expected. She had stared at them for a minute, slightly impressed by them and mostly terrified.
Don’t be silly , she told herself. They’re just–
“The rings,” she announces, holding up the two velvet boxes. Kate’s eyes widen slightly, almost imperceptibly. But Lucy is trained in Kate’s facial expressions–can tell each unique one apart. This one is surprise and interest .
“Rings.”
Lucy brings them both to the table, holding them like small grenades in her hand. “We have to sell the newlyweds thing, right? How will we do that without rings?” She places the black box down carefully, keeping the soft grey one in the palm of her hand. “People need to know I’ve locked you down, don’t they?”
“Oh we’re not going to be those married couples, are we? The kind where the wedding cake has a figurine of a bride tying an ankle weight to the groom?” Kate rolls her eyes. “Or worse–one where the bride is throwing the groom in a fondant trash can?”
“Gosh, my cousin had a wedding like that! I couldn’t understand why he’d even want to get married if felt that way.”
Kate shakes her head. “Some people don’t understand what marriage means.”
The words are heavy in the space between them. Lucy feels a sharp tug in her chest and she studies Kate’s face, trying to figure out the look in her eyes. There are still some faces she hasn’t pinned down. That comes with time, she knows, but each new one sends her down a rabbit hole as she tries to figure it out.
Lucy opens the grey box. The ring is even prettier in the natural sunlight coming through their window than it was under the lights in Tennant’s office. It sparkles, the diamond catching the sun rays and reflecting rainbows back at them.
“Wow,” Kate says quietly. She reaches out a hand to touch the ring, fingertip tracing the cut of the diamond. “Where did–”
“Some evidence locker, I’m sure.” Lucy wills her hands to stay steady as she slowly takes the ring out of the box. It’s heavier than she expected and cool to the touch. Kate’s hand goes out almost reflexively, her fingers stretched out so that her ring finger is accessible.
She’s thought of this once, marriage. When she was younger, of course. Not so much when she was older, though. It wasn’t something that was in the cards for her and Lucy learned early on in life to be realistic. Think only about what’s possible , her father used to tell her. Don’t be fanciful. What her father never understood was that Lucy had dreams. Plans. Goals she wanted to achieve. And some of them were fanciful . Enough of them that when she did give him a realistic dream, he didn’t even want to hear it.
The ring slips onto Kate’s finger effortlessly, like their first kiss. The cool metal glides against her skin, fitting snugly around her knuckle and resting at the base of her finger.
“I think this is the part where we say, I do, ” Lucy exhales, her voice thin and reedy. “Though, I think we were supposed to say that before I put–”
“I do,” Kate says over her.
“You do,” Lucy echoes. “Good. That’s… that’s really good. Because you’re wearing a wedding ring now and–”
Kate picks the black box up off the table and opens it, revealing another diamond ring. “I have good taste,” she says with a smile. Her hands don’t shake when she takes the ring out and holds it above Lucy’s hand. Her eyes dart to Lucy’s before she smiles. “And you?”
“Oh, yeah.” Lucy flashes a smile she hopes is wide and steady. “I do. Totally.”
“Totally,” Kate echoes. She slides the ring down over Lucy’s finger. It rests there, the diamond large and bright and looking so perfectly… right on her finger. “There. We do.”
Lucy can feel her whole chest quivering. She hopes Kate can’t see it in the shake of her hands or the corner of her smile. She’s not sure why she’s nervous. This isn’t real. Marriage is a thought but not… Well, it’s not a reality, is it? Girls like Lucy don’t get married, do they? Girls like Kate do, though. Girls like Kate deserve to.
“We do,” she says quietly. She gives Kate her steadiest smile. “You’re… you’re okay with this?”
Her chest feels too tight and too big all at once. Girls like Kate get married, get rings like these, wear pretty dresses and walk down long aisles. Girls like Lucy hang out at the open bar and tear it up on the dance floor and go home punch-drunk and alone–or with someone who knows it’s a one-time thing. What’s that song her dad used to listen to? I ain’t here for a long time, I’m here for a good time .
But for a minute, for this assignment, she can pretend to be the girl who does get married to a girl like Kate, who gets her own ring, wears her own pretty dress, walks down the aisle to someone else waiting for her.
It’s just a story; they don’t even get to do those things. But she can pretend that’s the story. She can have that.
Kate laughs, but she must see something in Lucy’s eyes because it tapers off into silence for a long moment before Kate’s mouth quirks gently. “Well, better you than Kai, right?”
It’s the right thing to say. It softens Lucy’s chest, takes the pressure off and eases it into something breathable. She smiles and it doesn’t shake. “He’ll be devastated.”
“I doubt it.” Kate takes Lucy’s left hand, their rings glancing off each other as their fingers lock. “How would he explain it to his secret girlfriend?” She tugs Lucy in a step, kisses her softly. Lucy wants something more, something harder so she doesn’t feel like she’s going to break. But Kate pulls away too soon. “Don’t tell him I know, though, okay? Because I want him to tell us when he’s ready.”
“Reason 109,” Lucy breathes.
Kate’s eyebrow hitches up. “109 now, huh?” She grins. “I’m still waiting for that Top 10, you know.”
Lucy laughs and untangles herself from Kate, feeling a soft ache as their rings catch and slide one last time. “I’ll write it down one of these days.”
“Can’t wait.” Kate looks around. “But I guess we need to pack, right? Get a head start on that honeymoon?”
“Oh, they’re so not ready for the newlyweds.” Lucy grins. “Think we need swimsuits?”
Kate laughs loudly and chases her into the bedroom and Lucy forgets about the weight of the ring and the weight of what it means as Kate presses her into the mattress with one hand, the other holding a sun hat to her head.
*
Lucy sits on the loveseat on the balcony, fingertip tracing the ring finger on her left hand. She can hear Kate in the kitchen, ice cubes twinkling against the side of mason jars as Kate pours them each a drink. There’s a soft breeze coming off the water, the air just barely sprinkled with salt that Lucy can taste on her lips.
“Here you go,” Kate says from behind her, holding out a jar. She sits down next to Lucy, long legs pulled up under her as she carefully places her own glass on the small glass table they put out. “Home sweet home.”
It is home. And even though they were gone for a short time, Lucy missed this. She missed the love seat that seems to be formed to her body and the view of the stars off the balcony and the soft lights around the railings that cast a warm honey glow over them now. She wants to sit out here until the sun comes up with Kate next to her, just soaking up the reality of her life and how… perfect things feel.
“The hotel bed was nice,” she offers, swirling her drink in her glass. Kate insisted they make mai tais despite not having anything to make them with. So Lucy found herself trekking out to pick up orange curaçao and orgeat instead of settling down when she wanted to. She takes a sip and makes a pleasant noise of surprise. Maybe it was worth the drive.
“Noah taught me how to mix drinks,” Kate says as Lucy takes a second sip. “He wanted me to be ready when I got to college. He was convinced I’d find myself in a position where I’d need to suddenly be able to recall how to make Tiki drinks.”
Lucy smiles. “Was he right?”
Kate glances at her out of the corner of her eye. “I won’t say it didn’t help me get points when I joined a sorority. And maybe I became the resident piña colada drink master.”
“Kate Whistler, churning out smiles and piña coladas. I would have loved to see that.” She picks up Kate’s free hand, turning it over until she can stroke one finger down her palm.
Kate smiles. “Maybe the next FBI barbecue.”
Lucy brightens up. “Ooh, yes. And maybe I can convince Curtis to let me help with the grill. Hey!” she exclaims when Kate laughs. “It’s a possibility.”
“There’s no way Curtis is letting you get near that barbeque and his tongs.” Kate shimmies down a little, sinking further into the couch. “But I’m sure he wouldn’t pass up a piña colada.” She tips her head back against the couch, eyes closed.
With the soft glow of the lights washing over her, Kate looks like a painting in a museum. Lucy’s breath catches in her throat. The mission went well; they caught the mastermind behind the drugs and the murder. They even took down a drug manufacturing hideout. But Lucy can’t get the image of Kate on the floor of their hotel room, panting for air as a man with a knife in his chest lay dead next to her.
She was scared. Hearing the scuffle over the phone, not being able to see anything but hearing Kate yell and grunt, things smashing and the sound of bodies hitting walls and the floor? She ran until her lungs burned and still felt like she wasn’t going fast enough. Her hand fumbled with the keycard–could that have been the extra moment where Marco got the better of Kate and buried that knife in her chest? She would not have tipped him so much if she knew what was going to happen.
Rounding that corner and finding Kate alive had only sent her heart pounding harder.
She blinks and sees Kate now: bathed in fairy lights and surrounded by the stars.
“What’re you thinking about?” Kate asks quietly. It’s like she understands what Lucy is seeing in her mind; knows what is playing over and over like a bad movie.
“Both times you’ve gone undercover, you’ve nearly died,” Lucy says mutedly.
“Both times you saved me.”
“You saved yourself,” Lucy corrects. She catches Kate’s finger in her palm, holding tightly. “I’m not sure I like that pattern that’s forming, though.”
Kate takes a sip of her mai tai. Lucy can see her mulling the words over in her mind. “It doesn’t change the fact that both times, I knew you were coming for me. And that kept me going.”
Lucy sighs softly. “Don’t think you can charm me out of being worried.”
Kate smiles crookedly. “I’m sure I can if I try hard enough.”
“That’s the problem,” Lucy grumbles. “You could.”
Kate’s smile blossoms before she sobers. “Well, if it makes you feel any better, I also don’t like that pattern. And I will definitely be taking my time before my next undercover assignment.”
“The next one. Great,” Lucy says flatly. She scowls when Kate pokes her in the side, fighting a smile. But when Kate lifts her hand and presses a kiss to the back of it, she can’t stop it from spreading. “New rule, though. No going undercover without me.”
Kate considers this. “So you’re saying that we need to keep playing newlyweds?”
“It wouldn’t be the worst thing,” Lucy says lightly. She spares a glance out of the corner of her eye at Kate.
Kate is staring right back at her. “No, it wouldn’t.” She sits back up, crossing her legs on the cushion and turning to face Lucy. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“About what?”
“About any of it? About…” Kate wets her bottom lip. “About weddings?”
Lucy wondered if this was going to come up. She could see it in Kate’s eyes, that small little sliver of truth Lucy let escape, and how it buried itself in Kate’s mind. She knew Kate was going to bring it up and want to talk about it. And Lucy is a little relieved. She thinks she wants to talk about it–with Kate. With someone who is safe and will hold her if Lucy pulls the truth kicking and screaming from her chest.
“That wedding dress would have looked really pretty on you,” Lucy decides on saying.
Kate smiles softly. “I was always a Cinderella dress girl at heart. You know, a big, long train with a veil.”
“Royal. Right.” Lucy twists until she’s facing Kate, their knees pressed together. “That would look beautiful, too.”
Kate leans back a little, studying her. “I think a tea dress for you. Knee to mid-calf, flares at the waist. You could do a lace top with it.” She reaches out, tracing Lucy’s exposed collarbone. “You’d be gorgeous.”
“If I was getting married,” Lucy says gently.
Kate’s smile dims slightly. “If you were, of course.”
Lucy looks down at their joined–left–hands. They’re bare, almost alien-looking after a few days of wearing borrowed wedding rings. She can feel its phantom weight and spent the whole drive back from Pearl touching the bare skin and wondering why something she wore for such a short period of time made such a lasting mark on her.
It feels off. Like she forgot a tennis bracelet again.
“My parents…”
“Lucy, you don’t have to.”
Lucy smiles softly. “I know. I know I don’t have to. That’s why I want to.”
Kate’s thumb brushes against Lucy’s ring finger gently. “Then tell me.”
Lucy nods and takes a deep breath. “My parents were clear, growing up. They had certain… expectations. For me. For my brothers and sister. The way we dressed, the friends we had, the extracurriculars we participated in.”
“The image,” Kate fills in.
“The image.” Lucy sighs. “It was– is important to them. And the image they had in their mind for me… Well, it obviously didn’t end up the way they wanted it to.”
Kate’s thumb rubs over the imperceptible mark where the ring had been again. “They’re missing out on an amazing woman.”
“Of course they are. I’m incredible.” Lucy smiles crookedly and feels how it doesn’t reach her eyes. “The most amazing woman you’ve ever met, right?”
“And the most humble,” Kate teases gently. “But yes. You are.”
Lucy smiles before it flickers out again. “When I told them I was attracted to women, that I wanted to marry one someday, that fragile image in their mind shattered into pieces. My wedding fund, the one they’d been putting money away for? Gone.”
“Lucy,” Kate breathes.
“It went into a college fund instead but it was… a statement. One that said they’d never support any marriage I ever wanted to have.” Lucy fights the familiar burn that starts to build in her chest. It sticks like a piece of shrapnel in her side. This is the truth, all the ugly parts of it. And it hurts to keep pulling out the pieces of it and exposing the wound.
Kate’s free hand slides over her knee to her thigh. “You know how wrong that is.”
“I didn’t then. I thought I understood. Of course I couldn’t actually marry a woman.” Lucy thinks of dreaming of her wedding, of a faceless bride waiting for her under an arbor. It bleeds out to nothingness in her mind. “I threw myself into my school work, into extracurriculars. I might not ever give my mom the princess bride dream she used to whisper to me when I was little, but I could get the best grades. Be the head cheerleader. Get the internships and my foot in the door.”
It never had the same effect, though. After telling her parents she wanted to marry a woman someday, everything was a little dimmed, a little dull. Victories weren’t as sweet. She worked twice as hard to get half as much.
She knew weddings mattered. That in her culture, they were a rite of passage. She just didn’t… realize how much it mattered.
“I didn’t see it until my sister got married. It was a huge wedding. I mean, everything is bigger in Texas,” she jokes. Kate doesn’t smile. “But this was massive. Multiple events, over 450 people at least. The whole thing took days. My mom was so… happy. Ecstatic really. I was selected for a scholarship program that same summer, to go out to DC and work for a judiciary committee.” She smiles humorlessly. “You would have thought I got a job working at the Dairy Queen in Fort Worth.”
It’s why she didn’t go to that bridal shower. Of course, she doesn’t like karaoke on principle but the idea of sitting there, watching everyone fawn and fuss wasn’t something she could stomach. She’d never had this, her parents were clear about that. She’d never have the days-long celebrations and the attention.
She resigned herself to that. Easier than wishing for it.
Kate rubs a swirling fingertip into her leg, grounding her in the moment. Lucy holds onto it like a lifeline. She knows she doesn’t need to talk about it but Kate makes her want to unpack this; makes her want to let the wound bleed a little.
“My brother’s weddings were the same. Big ‘ole things with the whole town invited. One of my brothers had a guest list of 532 people. I remember because it beat out my cousin’s guest list.” She remembers the massive crowds, the pusling music. “It was like everyone was in competition with each other, just to see who could outdo themselves.”
And she didn’t have that. She didn’t even have a plus one on the RSVP cards. Just cream-colored embossed squares of paper that seemed to scream we know you’re going to be alone . Asking for one was out of the question. So she decided she couldn’t let it show that it bothered her to be assigned the role of spinster daughter so early in life
“I watched my parents shower them with gifts and their love and knew that I would never get any of that. That I didn’t de–”
“You deserve it,” Kate interrupts firmly. “You deserve their love, Lucy.”
That’s the crux of it. She didn’t want their money. She didn’t want the big fluffy dress or the champagne tower or the string quartet or the fireworks. She wanted what it meant. She wanted their love . Their pride, too. Pride that their child was happy. Enough pride that they wanted to show everyone–friends and family and strangers–how proud they were of her. And they made it very clear that they couldn’t give that to her. Not like they could give it to her sister or her brothers. They could give her money and they acted like that should be enough.
It never was. It never will be.
“My parents are… transactional,” she says delicately. “An eye for an eye, a favor for a favor. My pool of favors dried up quickly when I stopped doing what they wanted.” She thinks of her draining bank account, of the denied purchases as she realized they cut her off. You’re an adult now, Lucy. Somehow, it still hurt. She’d distanced herself, put up roadblocks they couldn’t–and didn’t want to–get through, but it still hurt to know they were giving up on her. No. Not giving up. Shutting me out .
“I decided after the second family wedding, somewhere between the open bar and the third Cotton-Eyed Joe, that I wouldn’t ever get married.” She doesn’t look at Kate while she says it. “I’d stop imagining it. It didn’t matter. My parents didn’t think I could ever get married, certainly wouldn’t ever support me if I did, so… I just wouldn’t.”
Kate is quiet for a moment, her fingertip rounding out vowels and consonants Lucy can’t track. Lucy waits. She can see words swirling behind her eyes, questions she’s not sure how to ask. Lucy busies herself with a sip of her mai tai, one hand laced tightly in Kate’s.
“If they supported you,” Kate finally says.
Lucy thinks about it. Does she want their support now? No. Because she’s an adult now. She knows what their love would cost her. Her job, probably. Kate, definitely. And those aren’t things she’s willing to give up for anything. Not even for her parents manufactured love. She shakes her head.
“They would want too much from me. It wouldn’t be worth what it costs me,” she says, her words tinted with an edge.
It must be the right thing to say. Kate’s shoulders relax slightly, her neck muscles loosening. Lucy’s chest oozes ache–for her own future; for the one she sees with Kate; for the one Kate was just imagining fading away. Kate presses a thumb firmly over Lucy’s ring finger for a brief moment and Lucy feels it echo in her chest. When Lucy meets her eyes, she sees a little smile on Kate’s face.
“Do you know one of the things I love most about you, Lucy Tara?”
Lucy musters the strength to bat her eyelashes. “My killer fashion sense? My excellent taste in music?”
Kate doesn’t take the bait. “You know your worth.”
Lucy swallows hard. “I had to learn that pretty quickly.”
“You’re strong in the face of things no one should have to deal with,” Kate continues. “You’re a fighter. The people who are supposed to love you unconditionally turned their love into a weapon, and you didn’t let that change who you are at your core. A kind, compassionate, loving person. And you…” Kate shakes her head softly. “You deserve to want to imagine what your wedding looks like. You deserve to have that dream, if it's something you truly want. You haven’t let them take anything else. Don’t let them keep this.”
Lucy swallows again, pushing tears away this time. Kate is right. Of course she is. She took everything back from her parents and turned their admonishments into victories. She made something of herself. She hasn’t let them keep any part of her–why this? Why not take this back from them now, when she’s looking into the eyes of the woman she thinks she could actually marry someday?
“Okay,” she breathes.
Kate smiles encouragingly. “Tell me about your dream wedding, Lucy Tara.”
Lucy matches Kate’s smile, a little hesitantly. “I do like a good tea dress,” she admits. “I could see how my dress would compliment yours.”
Kate exhales softly, a quiet whoosh of air that Lucy almost misses. Oh . Maybe Kate hadn’t meant a wedding between the two of them. Maybe she meant Lucy’s wedding, some day down the line to some other faceless woman who couldn’t possibly make her feel as much as Kate Whistler makes her feel. Maybe Kate didn’t–
“Lace accents,” Kate says, cutting through the noise in Lucy’s head. “My veil, the body of your dress. If we did lace accents, they’d go together.” She nods slowly. “My mom had a whole scrapbook page dedicated to lace veils. She’d have the perfect match for us.”
“Us,” Lucy says breathlessly.
Kate’s smile flickers briefly. “I didn’t mean to assume that–”
“Kate,” she interrupts. Kate breathes in. “I know… I know it hasn’t been a long time or-or things have always been perfect but if I–” She inhales sharply, trying to gather her thoughts.
I could see us getting married , she thinks about saying. I can see myself spending the rest of my life with you. I can picture us 50 years from now arguing about drinking orange juice out of the bottle.
“I really liked being married to you,” she admits.
Relief floods through Kate’s eyes. “I really liked being married to you, too.”
“And…”
“And…”
Why not? She asks herself. Why not be honest? Why not tell the truth? You love this woman.
Lucy takes a steadying breath. “When you held that dress up to yourself, I could see you in it. I could see you standing at the end of a long, white rug under an arbor with big leafy greens and bright blues and whites. I could see the whole crowd watching you, how breathless they were. And… And I could imagine myself at the top of that aisle, getting ready to walk down to you,” she finishes softly.
Kate looks at her, mouth moving wordlessly for a moment before she clears her throat, blinking a few times. “I know we were just pretending,” she says slowly. “But I kept looking at that ring thinking… What if? What if we really were married? What if I got to take you home to my parents and introduce you as my wife?”
“I’m not sure I’d make a good wife,” Lucy admits, feeling impossibly vulnerable. “I stopped wanting to be one a long time ago.”
“You’d make an amazing wife.” Kate’s hand tightens around hers. “Lucy, I’ve never felt more loved than I do when I’m with you. It’s like everything I’ve been doing, all the people in my life, they were all leading to you.”
Lucy laughs, hollow and raw. “You’d really want to introduce me as your wife?”
“Pretending to be your wife made me feel like my life was finally coming together, like things were finally making sense.” Kate’s hand curves around her cheek, brushing away a rolling tear. “I think not-pretending would change my whole world.”
Pretending let Lucy try the word out. Let her see how it felt to wear around her finger and how the words fit in her mouth. And she liked it. She liked the way it felt to say, Oh, my wife is at the bar, I’m headed to meet her or Have y’all met my wife? She’s the tall one with the smile right over there . She liked the way she could flash her hand at someone and they’d smile and say, you’re the newlyweds! Congratulations!
And the one thing she walked away from the experience with was this: Maybe I haven’t stopped imagining it after all .
Maybe since the moment she slid the ring down over Kate’s finger she’s been imagining what it would be like to shop for one for her. What cut would Kate like? What band would she look best in? Who would she have for bridesmaids? What color would they wear? Would she want them to match Jesse, Kai, and Ernie’s suits? Would they have a joint bachelorette party where they sneak away from all the dancing and drinks to make out because they can’t stand to be away from each other? Would they be able to stay apart the night before or would Lucy sneak back into their apartment before the wedding because not waking up to Kate feels like a physical ache?
Maybe she thought about all of that and then quickly filed it under Things I Can’t Let Myself Have instead of letting her thoughts run wild.
Maybe she should have.
“We’d have to let your mom plan most of it, wouldn’t we?” she finally asks.
Kate snorts. “You try to stop her. If you think I’m stubborn, wait until you meet her.”
“She’s worse?” Lucy gasps dramatically. “I don’t know if I’m ready for that.”
“She’d make my bosses at the DIA weep. You’re definitely not ready for that,” Kate teases. “But when she loves you, she loves you. She won’t give up on you just because you don’t want a playlist peppered with Frank Sinatra. She’ll just make you see the error of your ways. Eventually.” Kate smiles.
Lucy smiles back. The ache in her chest has nearly dissipated completely. It’s a pleasant throb of feeling that reminds her she’s alive and here in the moment.
“Come here,” Kate says quietly, leaning in to meet Lucy halfway.
The kiss is soft, a promise Lucy knows she’s making as easily as breathing. I’m in , she tries to tell Kate. I’m with you now and I will be with you for as long as you’ll have me . Maybe Kate hears her; she deepens the kiss, tongue sliding against Lucy’s lips, parting them just enough that Lucy inhales sharply against her mouth. Kate’s hand slips into her hair, tangling in the knots she hasn’t quite brushed out. Lucy makes a noise in the back of her throat and Kate mirrors it, fingers tightening in her hair and her mouth more insistent. It steals the air from Lucy’s lungs, putting her on her back foot and robbing her of her ability to kiss back for a moment. Kate nips at her bottom lip, soothing the sting with her tongue.
“I don’t want a big proposal,” she says when they break apart. Kate blinks a few times. “If you propose, I want something small. Just the two of us or us and the team.”
Kate’s smile is slow but bright. “Who says I’m proposing? I’m pretty sure I’m putting the ball in your court.”
Lucy shakes her head. “No way. You practically volunteered to propose with your ‘you’d make a great wife’ talk. Ideally, the Cowboys win the Superbowl and as they name Prescott MVP, you pop the question.”
“You’re going to make me wait until the Cowboys make the Superbowl before I propose?”
Lucy grins. “So you agree–you’re going to propose.”
Kate groans. “Lucy.”
“Mark down the date and time. Kate Whistler said she’ll propose when the Cowboys win the Superbowl.”
“I don’t think I’ll be able to wait that long,” Kate admits. “I’d ask you tomorrow if I had the ring.”
“I’d say yes,” Lucy whispers back.
Kate kisses her again, a little messier. “Just the two of us.”
“Or with the team. At Tennant’s after a case and that 18-year-old Scotch she keeps for special occasions.” Lucy can see that too. Jesse and Ernie clapping. Tennant with that knowing smile. Kai bouncing around excitedly talking about the best wedding movies with Kate.
Kate nods slowly like she’s remembering all of this. “And then we wedding plan. My mom will back off if I tell her to,” she says seriously.
“‘I’d want to do some things,” Lucy admits. “But really? I’d marry you at City Hall with Inoki standing up for us. I need you, me, a long white dress with a train you have to drag behind you. And our family. That’s it.”
Kate smiles sweetly at her. “You want more than that,” she says gently. “Tell me everything.”
Lucy thinks about it. “I want to dance to something slow with you. But I don’t want a first dance alone. I want our wedding to be about building our family. So everyone can dance the first dance.” She brings Kate’s hand to her mouth, pressing a kiss to her ring finger. “Do you think you can pull off a Royal Wedding at a botanical garden?”
“I can pull off a royal wedding anywhere you want me to,” Kate promises. “So, what else?”
What else?
She doesn’t know. She stopped thinking about it.
“I think…” She studies Kate’s face. “I think I don’t really know all of what I want yet. All I know is what I don’t want. And what I need.”
Kate’s voice is quiet. “What do you need?”
“I don’t need champagne towers. I don’t need string quartets. I want them if you want them,” Lucy makes sure to add. “But I don’t need them. I used to think I did. That I had to follow the plans my mom had for me and all their extravagance. But I really just… I just need you. And a way to honor our family–the one you were born with, the one we created for ourselves, and the one we hope to have someday.”
Kate smiles, thumbing Lucy’s cheek carefully. “See? You’d make a good wife.”
Lucy inhales shakily. “You think so?”
“When am I ever wrong?” Kate presses her finger to Lucy’s lips quickly. “The answer is never.”
Never , Lucy mouths against Kate’s finger. She smiles and nips at the soft skin of Kate’s fingertip. Kate grins and drops her hand to Lucy’s lap.
“I love you, Lucy Tara,” Kate says quietly, the words nearly lost in the soft crash of waves on the shore in the distance.
Lucy lets her eyes flutter closed as she leans in and presses her forehead to Kate’s. “I love you too, Kate Whistler.”
“I’m going to marry you someday,” Kate promises. Lucy feels the words more than she hears them, but they ring through her chest all the same. “I’m going to give you the wedding of your dreams. Even if it is at City Hall with Inoki holding the rings.”
“Kai would be jealous,” Lucy mumbles, stealing a kiss. “He’d make a good ring bearer.”
“Not as cute as Inoki,” Kate argues. She waits until Lucy kisses her again before she adds, “But let’s stop talking Kai. Or Inoki. Or Jesse or Ernie, okay? Let’s drink our mai tais and pretend that we have one more night as Mrs. and Mrs. Whistler-Tara.”
“Mrs. and Mrs. Tara-Whistler,” Lucy counters through a smile. “But we can argue about that another time. I think it’s time we made the most of this honeymoon.” She stands slowly, holding out a hand for Kate. “What do you say, undercover-wife?”
Kate takes her hand, standing with a stretch. “I say you’re ridiculous.” She grabs Lucy by the waist, pulling her in tightly. Her words are hot against Lucy’s ear. “But you’re right. We don’t have to be back to the office until midday tomorrow. Why not spend a few more hours married.”
“I like the way you think, Mrs. Tara-Whistler.” Lucy stretches up on her toes and kisses Kate hard.
“Thank you, Mrs. Whistler-Tara,” Kate breathes against her mouth.
Lucy breaks away and picks up her mai tai, taking a long sip with her eyes on Kate. She takes slow steps back into the apartment, not breaking Kate’s gaze as she carefully navigates the couch and the end tables. She puts her now-empty glass on the table, her hands going to the hem of her shirt. They break eye contact as Lucy pulls her shirt up and over her head, tossing it towards the couch. She bites down on her bottom lip.
Kate’s smile is slow and burning and Lucy lets it heat her up from the inside out, pushing away all the thoughts of maybes and leaving her with someday soons .
Now it’s just a matter of time. And she can’t wait.