Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

   Ray and Sand had been together for two years before Sand abruptly ended their relationship one fateful night. Ray would never forget that devastating evening. They had been lounging on the couch after dinner when Sand calmly dropped a bombshell.

"Ray, I'm not feeling this anymore. We're done," Sand stated, his expression emotionless.

Ray's jaw dropped in shock. "What? Why? Where is this coming from?" he sputtered, desperately hoping for an explanation he could make sense of.

But Sand remained disturbingly calm and indifferent. "There's no big reason, I just don't love you like that anymore. We've grown apart. It's time to rip off the band-aid."

Those callous words shattered Ray's heart into a million pieces. He broke down into heartbroken sobs, begging Sand not to do this. But Sand didn't even attempt to comfort his anguished partner. He simply grabbed a bag and walked out the door, leaving Ray a sobbing mess.

_____

A couple months after the breakup, Ray started feeling unwell. Exhaustion, nausea, and vomiting plagued his mornings. At first he attributed it to depression from the traumatic split. But a terrifying possibility occurred to him. Could he be...pregnant?

Ray raced out and purchased a home pregnancy test, his hands trembling. The positive result launched him into another round of hysterics. He was carrying Sand's child - the man who had shattered his heart into pieces. A swirling vortex of rage towards his ex and excitement over the new life stirred within him.

While part of Ray raged at Sand for so cruelly abandoning him in this condition, another part felt a fierce protectiveness over the baby growing inside him. This child was a piece of Sand that would forever be part of Ray, whether Sand wanted it or not. In that moment, Ray vowed to have and love this baby fiercely.

When Ray shared the bombshell news with his inner circle, his friends rallied around him fiercely. They were outraged that Sand had been such a "colossal dick" as to ditch Ray while he was carrying Sand's child. A few suggested Ray consider terminating the unexpected pregnancy to avoid being tethered to his callous ex forever.

But Ray couldn't do that, either out of spite towards Sand or an instantaneous love for the new life inside him. He was determined to have this baby and be the absolute best parent to make up for the crappy father. Ray decided to talk to his friends to make their mouth shut if ever they encountered Sand again.

Ray's pregnancy was incredibly challenging, both physically and emotionally. He experienced severe moodswings, bizarre cravings, and his rapidly expanding belly. His friends endured his hormonal outbursts with admirable patience as Ray's emotions ricocheted wildly. But they showed up in full force for his baby showers and to help prep the nursery. Mew, Cheum, Boston, and even Nick, Sand's bestfriend, were there for him and his baby.

After 9 months of hardships carrying his baby, Ray finally delivered a perfect baby girl who instantly stole his heart. Cradling her tiny form, all the pain of childbirth melted away as Ray knew he would walk through fire for this child. He named her Sandrea.

____

Over the next few years, Sandrea became Ray's entire world. Single parenthood was incredibly tough, and he was eternally grateful for his friends help during the hardest times. But Ray was deliriously happy simply being a dad. That little girl hung the moon in his eyes.

Sometimes when gazing at his daughter, Ray felt pangs of sadness that Sand was missing out on her life. He wondered if he should reach out and let Sand know about his little girl, hoping her cherubic face would prompt Sand to come running back to them. But Ray knew reopening that wound would only lead to more heartbreak. If Sand had so callously discarded their relationship, he likely wouldn't be a devoted father anyway. So Ray resigned himself to being a single dad and vowed to shower Sandrea with enough love for two parents.

Speaking of Sand, about 8 years after Sandrea's birth, Ray knew that his ex had begun going by a new name - Alan. He had moved to a different city and had been in a committed in a 7-year relationship with a new partner named Wen, Alan's relationship is that long that is almost the same as their daughter's age at that point. How did he know? Because he is rich enough to hire a private investigator to investigate what was happening to his ex, Sand, who is now Alan.

But on one sunny day, Ray took Sandrea to one of the city's great parks, complete with climbing structures, a spray pool, and various kid-friendly attractions. As they played, Ray looked over in stunned disbelief, there was Alan with his boyfriend Wen, casually sitting on a nearby bench. It was a full coincidence, because after he found out about Alan's relationship with Wen, he stopped investigating, he didn't want to know anything about Alan anymore.

Before Ray could process what to do, Sandrea's sweet voice rang out. "Daddy?!" The little girl had spotted Alan and identified him as her father, she is smart for recognizing Alan after seeing him in pictures only, where Ray had shown her what her other father looks like.

Alan whipped around, and their eyes met for the first time in years. An undisguised look of shock and panic etched his features as he took in the scenario, his former lover and a child calling him "Daddy."

Wen looked between Alan and Ray in utter confusion. "What's going on here? Who is this?"
Ray felt bile rise in his throat as his present violently collided with his past in the most public of settings. All the anguish and heartbreak from years ago came rushing back. He opened his mouth but no words came out.

Alan seemed to recover first. "This is....an ex from years ago," he stated stiffly, not offering any other explanation regarding the bizarre situation.
"Oh," Wen replied, seeming to sense there was a much deeper story. He looked at Sandrea with furrowed brows. "I didn't realize you had... a daughter"

"I don't," Alan cut him off abruptly, shooting Ray a look somewhere between anger and bewilderment. "I mean, I didn't know about...her."

The air crackled with awkward tension. Sandrea looked between the adults, picking up on the strain but not understanding the source.
Part of Ray burned to finally unleash the truth, that Sandrea was Alan's daughter, the product of the love they had once shared so deeply before he shattered it into pieces. Ray had kept this monumental secret for years, and now the opportunity to lay it bare was quite literally staring him in the face.

But something held Ray back from those vindicating words. Maybe it was the fear of reopening still-raw wounds that had never fully healed. Or the fact that blurting out such a revelation seemed too cruel with Alan's partner Wen right there.

So with immense difficulty, Ray pulled back the words that tried to tumble out. "This is my daughter, Drea," he said simply, leaving out the most crucial detail of her name, Sand-rea.

Alan's eyebrows shot up, but he remained silent. Wen looked increasingly uneasy, seeming to sense there were depths to this narrative he wasn't being included in.

An excruciatingly awkward silence stretched out until Ray cleared his throat. "Well, we should get going anyway. It was...good to see you." His voice was polite but strained.

"Yes...you too," Alan replied automatically, his eyes still wide.

Wen opened his mouth, possibly wanting to prod for more information. But a look from Alan stopped whatever query was forthcoming.
Ray scooped up Sandrea, forcing a smile as she started to protest about having to leave. "Say bye to..." he told her lamely, realizing he didn't know what name to use when referring to Alan. But his child says bye anyways.

Once out of earshot, Ray exhaled a shuddering breath, feeling like he'd justrun an emotional gauntlet. His heart was still pounding wildly at the close call of his massive secret nearly unraveling.
Sandrea piped up from where she sat on Ray's hip.

"Daddy, isn't the man a while ago my dad? Did I mistaken that man as my dad? But I'm sure he is my dad, he really looks like the one on the picture you showed me, but he is wearing a glasses now."

Ray froze for a beat before replying. "I'm so sorry baby. He is, he is your other dad, okay? But give me sometime before I introduce you properly to him, okay?"

The child looks confused, "But why? Do you think my other dad wouldn't like me?"

And by that, Ray is hurt, he wanted to say yes, but he can't break his little girl's heart by saying that.
"No baby. I don't think it's the proper time. And don't think too much baby, okay? Who wouldn't like my cutie little girl?" He tried to be strong for his child.

Over the next few days, the startling park encounter continued to haunt Ray. He kept revisiting it over and over, wondering if he had done the right thing in keeping Sandrea's paternity to himself. On one hand, maybe it was finally time to come clean, no matter how complicated it would make things. Alan had a right to know he had a daughter walking around, right? And didn't Sandrea deserve the chance to know her biological father?

But each time Ray thought about baring that hugely impactful truth, he recalled the panic and bewilderment etched on Alan's face as realization dawned. Would he even believe Ray and accept the child he never knew about? Or would it be a denial and rejection too painful for Sandrea?
Then there was the whole other can of worms regarding Alan's new partner Wen. Were they serious? Committed? Would blowing up their relationship cause irreparable damage when Wen found out Alan had a secret child? Did Ray evenhave that right to make those decisions for other people?