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Feng Xin never thought he would feel the fear and worry he once felt on Mount Tonglu ever again.
Yet here he was, standing before an unconscious and battered up Mu Qing, who lay on the ground before him.
“What the fucking fuck…” He muttered out, dropping to his knees in order to pull the other into his lap so his head was off the ground. “You motherfucker…I swear to god if you die…I…I’ll kill you…seriously.”
Ling Wen had sent Mu Qing on a mission early the previous day, but when he failed to return to the heavens, let alone send a simple update to the communication array, she grew wary. Soon enough, she was sending Feng Xin down after him, just in case .
Feng Xin went easily, worry already having grown in his gut over Mu Qings lack of return.
The god had said that it would only take a few hours at most, assuring Feng Xin with a teasing eye roll that he would return on time for their scheduled sparring match.
Ever since Mu Qing’s past near death experience, the two of them had grown closer, as Feng Xin had been the one to personally treat his burn wounds. A… friendship… between them formed, if that’s what you could call it, and the two had begun to start scheduling sparring sessions with each other, as a stress reliever.
Feng Xin loved them, their little sessions, if he was being honest. Not only was it a perfect way for the two of them to “fight” without accidentally destroying a palace, but the two of them were evenly matched, equal in every way. That being said, sparring with Mu Qing was always interesting, each of them trying to outsmart the other with a new ‘unpredictable’ move.
Plus , it was one of the few times he could witness Mu Qing smile.
Not one of his sly little “ I know something you don’t” smiles, or one of his “ I win you lose” smiles, but a genuinely, proud and happy smile.
It was a magnificent sight to see, and Feng Xin found himself craving it daily, looking forward to their sessions more than he would like to admit.
So when the man had not shown up, despite being annoyingly punctual for everything he ever does, one hundred percent of the time, Feng Xin immediately checked with Ling Wen, only to find her also on edge.
The ghost Mu Qing had descended to fight was meant to be a simple river ghost, but when Feng Xin came across the scene, the ghost was nowhere to be seen. He was unsure if Mu Qing had already killed it or if it had escaped, but no matter what its fate was, it certainly put up a fight against the god fighting it.
Mu Qing’s entire middle was nearly ripped apart, making Feng Xin’s stomach churn. Between his mortal life, and his life as a martial god, he had seen injuries to the point Feng Xin was most likely desensitized to most, but to see Mu Qing in such a state….
He reached out to gently grab Mu Qing’s wrist in order to check his spiritual energy, and wasn’t surprised to find that the other was nearly drained. His body was clearly focusing on healing the intense wound, using all the energy it could.
“Shit shit shit….. I swear to god Mu Qing…” Feng Xin mutters, grabbing hold of his friends(?…. whatever they were ) hand in order to start transferring his own energy.
Yet the man refused to wake up no matter how much Feng Xin transferred into him, stubborn even while unconscious. Feng Xin could feel his anxiety over the situation increase by the minute.
“You don’t have the right to do this again! I was so— His Highness was so worried last time you fucked around and almost got yourself killed! So wake up! Asshole!” He yells as he watches Mu Qing’s body heal slowly.
He would never admit it to the other, but Feng Xin had been having nightmares about that horrid night from Mount Tonglu.
Even to this day, nearly two years later.
What if he hadn’t moved as quickly as he did? What if Mu Qing actually fell that day? What was Feng Xin to do in that situation?
It was something he had not once thought about over the eight hundred years they had been side by side, he was ashamed to admit, but it hit him harder than rocks as Mu Qing dangled in the air above lava.
Mu Qing had been a constant, someone who had been there since Xianle, even if they weren't on good terms. As cheesy as it sounded, Mu Qing was his one piece of home that he had left. Mu Qing felt like home .
Without Mu Qing….sure, he had His Highness, but His Highness now had Crimson Rain, plus he was hardly in the heavens anymore.
Without Mu Qing, he would be pretty much alone.
With the realization of his feelings, came the nightmares, where he dreamed he was unable to save Mu Qing, doing nothing but watch him fall. It causes him to wake up in a cold sweat every single night he has it.
This though? Finding Mu Qing nearly torn apart? This was so much worse, because he still wasn’t waking the fuck up! At least last time he was awake to bicker with Feng Xin like normal! He was obviously fine! Right now he is certainly not fine!
“Fucking—What the fuck do I do…” Feng Xin whispered to himself, grabbing Mu Qing’s other hand in order to transfer double the energy.
A thought passed through his head briefly, as he recalled how His Highness and Crimson Rain transfer energy, and how it always seems stronger than a simple touch of hands. As quickly as it came though, it was pushed from his mind, because Mu Qing would castrate him personally if he ever found out.
He watched meticulously as Mu Qing’s wounds healed slightly faster from his efforts, but continued to feel antsy as more time passed. What he truly wanted was to get the other man out of the open, so he could get him properly bandaged, but he was worried about moving him too soon.
The river ghost, if it was still alive somewhere, stayed away thankfully, which was another thing Feng Xin found himself worried about - what if it came back to finish the job? Hopefully Mu Qing had injured it enough so that it simply ran away in order to find a place to die.
He wouldn’t doubt that being the case.
After all, Mu Qing’s skill with a saber was nearly unparalleled.
Mu Qing’s skill in battle was quite impressive, which led Feng Xin to wonder how the ghost would have gotten such a lethal hit on him.
He made a mental note to inform Ling Wen about the situation once they were out of the open and safe, so that she could look into it a bit more. After all, someone would need to take care of the ghost if it was still around, and quite honestly Feng Xin wasn’t letting Mu Qing out of his sight any time soon.
After what felt like an eternity later, Mu Qing’s wounds were looking much better than before, and Feng Xin decided it was time. He didn’t think the other could handle ascending back to heaven in this state, so he gathered the man into his arms, and located the nearest inn.
Thankfully, the closest one happened to be in a town on the edge of the river. It was a fairly run down inn from the looks of it, but a place with fresh water and a bed was all he needed to wrap up Mu Qing’s wounds properly.
He cradled the gods cold and battered body closer to himself as he started to trudge towards the building, simultaneously keeping spiritual energy flowing between them. Feng Xin could only hope some of his warmth would extend to the other.
“Uughh….Fe-Feng Xin?”
Feng Xin’s head whipped down at the raspy sound, so fast he feared he had given himself whiplash.
Mu Qings eyes were barely open, but it was a sign of life no matter how little.
“Oh shit! H-Hey!” Feng Xin stuttered out, relief rushing through his body.
“Mhpphh..” Mu Qing groaned in pain, letting his head fall against Feng Xin’s chest before slipping into unconsciousness once more.
Getting a room in the inn with an unconscious man in his arms was easier than Feng Xin had expected.
For precautions sake, he had quickly shifted to his Nan Feng form, and had faced Mu Qing’s body towards his chest more in order to hide the gods face. They were still in Xuan Zhen territory after all, and most may recognize him based off of his statues.
Thankfully, the woman at the desk hadn’t said a thing about it, save for asking if they needed water for a bath, glancing at Mu Qing with a bored expression.
“Warm water would be fantastic, and some bandage dressings if you have any, thank you.” Nan Feng said gratefully.
“Got it, it’ll be there shortly, go on and head in.”
The woman sounded utterly fed up with her job, but offered a small smile at Nan Feng after he nodded gratefully.
“Hang on dumbass, we’ll get you wrapped up in no time…” Nan Feng mutters once their room was located, and he was able to place Mu Qing’s body onto the bed.
Soon enough, an attendant brought up some pails with warm water, and a handful of dressings.
“Okay, I-I gotta remove your top robes…u-uh…please don’t kill me for it…aha…” Nan Feng spoke to the unconscious man, not expecting a response as he shifted back to his true form.
Gently, and with a bright red flush on his cheeks, Feng Xin starts to peel Mu Qing’s bloodied and ripped robes from his top half to reveal the pale skin below.
The ripped skin had been stitching itself back together, and was heavily scabbed over for the time being. Feng Xin would need to transfer more energy after he cleaned the area so it could heal with no scarring.
With a gentle hand, he held up a wet rag and started to dab at the areas, wiping away any blood that had been staining the skin. He bit his bottom lip, wanting to desperately look away - between Mu Qing’s bare skin and the fact he was so horribly injured - it was pulling Feng Xin’s mind in different directions.
Once satisfied with how clean the area now was, Feng Xin took the bandages out and began wrapping the more severe areas.
“Looking good I think…” Feng Xin mumbled to himself, observing his work.
Most of what he had learned was from Mu Qing himself, who had spent the better half of the past eight hundred years bandaging Feng Xin up.
He couldn’t help but hope the other god would be pleased with his work.
Feng Xin doesn’t remember dozing off, but the next thing he knew, he’s waking up because he feels a squeeze on his hand, the hand he had been holding Mu Qing’s with - to be exact.
He blinks open his eyes, adjusting to the light of the inn once more, before surveying the situation.
Turns out, he had fallen asleep sitting on the stool that he’d pulled up to Mu Qing’s bedside, holding the slender hand as to push even more spiritual energy into the other god.
“What the hell….” Came the familiar raspy voice of Mu Qing, causing Feng Xin to sit up straighter in order to get a good look at the now conscious man.
“Welcome back dumbass.” Feng Xin teases, trying to mask the joy he’s feeling in his chest with their typical banter. He’s unable to hide the smile that breaks out though, he knows that.
“Where am I? Where’s the ghost?” Mu Qing goes to sit up faster than his body was ready for, but winces once the pain registers, and leans back down slowly to not aggravate the wounds.
“Ahaa…about that…I’m not too sure, I was too focused on getting you healed and out of there….do you remember anything?” Feng Xin tries, squeezing Mu Qing’s hand in support.
If the holding of his hand bothered him at all, Mu Qing didn’t act on it. In fact, he only glanced down at their conjoined hands, then simply looked back up at Feng Xin skeptically.
“I remember fighting the river ghost….then out of no where there were two of them…why? What else happened? Where are they?”
“Well…you didn’t answer the array…or come back to the heavens when you said you would…so I got sent down to take a look.”
Feng Xin’s eyes drifted to Mu Qing’s chest subconsciously, and Mu Qing’s followed.
“Oh shit, what the fuck…” Mu Qing winces as he lifts head slightly to examine the work on his wounds. “It was that bad?”
“So you know you got hit? Good, that’s good…at least you remember that…”
“Yeah…” Mu Qing hums, taking his free hand and slightly poking at some of the bandages. Feng Xin reveled in the fact he was permitted to still hold his hand, and nearly smiled once more when Mu Qing didn’t say anything about his bandaging job.
“The second one got a good hit, but I was able to get a better hit on the original one…I don’t know where the second one scurried off to…” Mu Qing trailed off, closing his eyes in a manner that Feng Xin recognized as shame.
“Hey…it’s all good, after you heal up, we can go together to go look.”
It's at that moment that Mu Qing decides to take his hand back from Feng Xin, leaving the gods palm empty and cold. He bites his lip to prevent a frown from forming.
When he looks up from their now separated hands, his eyes meet Mu Qing’s, which are narrowed towards the archer, clearly in question.
“Why did you…why’d you do all this?”
Feng Xin absentmindedly rubs a hand behind his neck. He had known Mu Qing would ask, but he was certainly not prepared to answer.
“Well…y-you know…”
“No. I don’t…why did you do all of this, Feng Xin? You could have left me there.”
Feng Xin couldn’t believe his ears, he couldn’t genuinely believe that Mu Qing truly thought that Feng Xin would leave him for dead - after everything .
“Mu Qing…you can’t truly think that I would do that. Not after everything. I didn’t do that last time, I wouldn’t do this this time.”
The other god doesn’t respond, opting to turn his head the other direction, obviously in order to avoid Feng Xin’s stare.
“Mu Qing…”
“I’ll repay you…for saving me, I mean…and for the energy…” Mu Qing mutters at last, still not looking at Feng Xin.
“No! No…just..Mu Qing, listen…” He takes a deep breath, hyping himself up mentally before continuing. “I…I care, you know that? I really care. I would never just…leave you for dead…do you really think I would do that?”
At Mu Qing’s silence, Feng Xin takes the chance to grab his hand once more, squeezing it enough to where Mu Qing could not break free.
Mu Qing tenses, but doesn’t look at Feng Xin, so the archer sighs, and continues.
“I care so much that I…I have these nightmares…I’ve been having them for years…ever since you almost…ever since Mount Tonglu. I dream that my feet are locked in place, or that they’re pinned by my own arrows, or even that I just simply cannot move any limb, and I sit there uselessly watching you fall…”
Mu Qing finally looks over to him, a look of surprise marring his pretty face.
“It’s…terrifying…I wake up horrified that I’m waking up to a world where I was unable to save you, and I find myself in the communication array before I can even stop myself.”
“Wait…” Mu Qings eyebrows furrow. “Is that why there are days you are in our array at the ass crack of dawn annoying the shit out of me?!
Feng Xin’s head drops down to look at their hands, and before closing his eyes in embarrassment, he nods.
“Feng Xin. I didn’t fall, I’m here and I’m fine .”
“I know that! But I can’t control what I dream and don’t dream!” Feng Xin snaps, letting go of Mu Qing’s hand in order to stand up quickly. He turns away to pace around the room, completely missing the look of hurt that flashes over Mu Qing’s face the second their hands disconnect.
“I just know that it horrifies me. I don’t want these dreams, you know! I know you’re fine . That doesn’t mean it doesn’t scare me—especially when there’s moments like today where I find you nearly torn apart.”
“Well I’m fine! Am I not?”
Feng Xin spins around to face the bandaged man once again, finding him perched on his elbow in an attempt to sit up.
“Oh my fucking…lay back down! Jeez! What are you trying to do!? Ruin all my hard work?!”
He rushes forward so he’s able to gently push Mu Qing back down, who pouts like a child and angrily grumbles.
“I’m not a fucking doll…I can sit up you know. It’s not going to fuck up your shitty bandaging job.”
“Just…fuckiny stay down, asshole…”
Feng Xin slumps back down on the stool, burying his head in his hands before dragging them down his face in frustration.
“Feng Xin. I’m fine. Y-You…you helped me.. again… so i’m fine ”
“But you almost weren't, Mu Qing.”
Mu Qing suddenly reaches out, grabbing Feng Xin’s hand on his own accord and pulling it up towards his chest. By doing so, he tugs Feng Xin’s body nearly on top of him, who lets his body go willingly out of surprise.
Mu Qing maneuvers their hands so that Feng Xin’s is the one pushed against his chest, directly over his heart. Feng Xin can feel the rapid heart beat beneath the bandages, and he sucks in a breath.
They are so close.
So intimately close.
He’s positioned almost completely over Mu Qing, their faces mere inches apart, Feng Xin’s hand grasped in Mu Qing’s tightly, as if the injured god was worried he would run away.
“I…I’m fine. You helped me again.”
Feng Xin gulped audibly, his eyes unable to focus on one thing. Between Mu Qing’s lips, eyes, his hair, his perfectly arched eyebrows, everything, poor Feng Xin’s brain was about to melt.
“I always w-would…” Feng Xin stutters out, finally making eye contact with Mu Qing, who’s already staring at him.
“I would too…a-always help you t-too, I mean…” Mu Qing whispers into their shared space, which Feng Xin could swear was dwindling the longer they stayed in that position.
“You would?”
“Y-Yeah..I uh…I care too…”
Feng Xin feels like his brain is short circuiting. Mu Qing is staring up at him, his eyes bouncing from Feng Xin’s eyes to his mouth, with a bright red blush staining his cheeks and ears.
“You do?” Feng Xin asks, just needing the confirmation once more, if he could get it.
He must have forgotten who he was ogling over, because instead of the man saying it a second time, Mu Qing uses his free hand to wack Feng Xin’s head.
“Hey! What the fuc-”
Before Feng Xin could finish his pained yell, Mu Qing uses the same hand to pull Feng Xin’s head down, colliding their lips together.
Mu Qing kissed him!!
Mu Qing is kissing him!
They both still, Mu Qing just as surprised as Feng Xin that he just did that.
The kiss was gentle, heavily different to how the two of them usually are with each other. Their lips moved against each others as if on instinct, though Feng Xin knew it was Mu Qing’s first.
He internally burned at the thought of being Mu Qing’s first kiss.
When Mu Qing made a sound, a small whine in the back of his throat, Feng Xin forced himself to pull away in order to prevent anything from going further—much to both of their dismay. After all, Mu Qing was still healing.
“Did that answer your question, dumbass?” Mu Qing pants in the small space between their lips with a small shy smile. His face was nearly completely red now, all the way down his neck, his chest, disappearing under the bandages.
“Wow …you care about me…how embarrassing for you…” Feng Xin teased, a goofy smile gracing his lips, to which Mu Qing rolled his eyes.
“Shut up, you said it first, it’s more embarrassing for you if anything.”
Feng Xin sighs dramatically, before kissing Mu Qing’s forehead and standing back up, unfortunately causing their hands to seperate at last.
Feng Xins demeanor shifts suddenly as he stares at Mu Qing, smile fading and a look of seriousness taking over.
“What now?” Mu Qing asks, eyebrows quirked in what Feng Xin recognized as worry.
“You’re never doing that again, you know. I’m officially ordering you to no longer fuck around and get yourself injured.”
Mu Qing laughs, the obscurity of the archers' statement catching him off guard completely. Feng Xin has to bite his lip in order to not smile widely at Mu Qing’s reaction - only having seen the god laugh a handful of times. Yet he refused to drop the seriousness act, not yet.
“Who do you think you are to order me around? You forget we are equals, you utter buffoon.”
“I think that I’m the one that has to witness you get hurt every time. I’m also the one that has to take care of you in the end—not that I mind at all, I would even prefer it to be me! It’s….it’s just hard to see though! It’s stressful! So knock it off! I order you!”
Feng Xin knew his ‘order’ was in vain, after all- they were martial gods, but he still felt the need to try.
Mu Qing’s laugh dies down slowly, taking in Feng Xin’s words completely, then reaching his hand out.
The second Mu Qing reaches out with his hand, holding it out for Feng Xin to take, he feels the seriousness melt from him immediately. He takes the outstretched hand, and lets himself be tugged towards the god once more.
“I suppose you can start coming on missions with me, i-if you like, of course…” Mu Qing whispers shyly, moving over slightly to the best of his ability so that Feng Xin could settle on the bed beside him, who eagerly takes the opportunity.
“Mm…if that’s what it takes to make sure you don’t get yourself into stupid shit…I suppose that’s what must be done.”