Chapter Text
"Go in and have a seat in that chair over there," Leon said, his commanding tone ringing out against the silence of the police department halls. He stood next to the doorway of the interrogation room, allowing his partner and the suspect to enter before him as he kept a watchful eye of any and every movement he made. This wasn't their first rodeo with this guy; he'd been taken down to the station plenty of times before, but no matter how much guilt was plastered across his face or how much Leon felt in his bones that he was up to something, nobody could ever book him for it. It happened so often that they came up with a nickname for him: "Slick". It stuck around, eventually becoming the code name for just about anyone that barely got away from the slammer.
It wasn't like crime was anything new for Racoon City---they got calls and reports day in and day out of the same classics you'd hear about on the local five o'clock news---but Slick was more than that. It was like he was a criminal magnet, somehow always finding himself "accidentally" tangled up with the wrong crowd, but a coincidence can only be for so long before eyebrows start to raise.
It was believed that Slick was apart of an organized crime group allegedly called "The Band" that lurked deep beneath Racoon City, terrorizing the citizens any chance they could. He didn't know the exact number of people he was working to find yet, but Leon knew for sure that Slick wasn't acting alone, and this interrogation was the first step in gaining on his trail. It was already a miracle that he was able to scrounge up enough evidence, but it was an even bigger miracle that Slick actually agreed to do it; he couldn't fuck this up.
"I want to start this out by saying this: me and Detective Luera aren't here to harm you," Leon said. "This is just a simple conversation: we ask you questions, and you give us answers. You seem well off enough to understand that, I assume."
"Yeah yeah, I got it. Let's make this quick; I ain't got all day," Slick said as he leaned back in his chair, his attitude clearly visible.
"Trust me, neither do I, but you're the one who got yourself here, so I suggest you lose the attitude or this is gonna be a hell of a lot harder," Leon said, returning the hostility right back to him. Slick rolled his eyes, pretending to be unphased, but his change in demeanor said otherwise as he sat up straight. "Now, let's get some basic things out of the way."
Trying to get answers out of slick was about as effective as trying to talk to a brick wall; it felt like Leon was running into a stop sign at every corner, unable to squeeze even the tiniest droplet of information out of his brain. All of Slick's responses were razor-sharp, slowly cutting away at Leon's confidence and his patience. Detective Luera couldn't be of much help either; he was watching as hard as he could for any sign of wavering in Slick's spirit, but he wouldn't crack. A strange, sinking feeling began to build in the pit of Leon's stomach. He fiddled nervously with his utility belt to see if that would help, but he knew that it wouldn't go away unless something useful came from this interrogation.
Suddenly, a page came over Detective Luera's walkie talkie. "Patrol Divison to Luera, over."
"This is Luera, go ahead?"
"We need you over here ASAP, just got some important information we need you to look at."
"How important? I'm in the middle of an interrogation with officer Kennedy right now."
"Kennedy can handle it himself. Go ahead and make your way over here. Just tell Kennedy he has to stay in the room at all times, no exceptions. We can't leave that one unattended for too long."
".......Affirmative. Stand by," Luera hesitated with his response.
"Clear."
He gave Leon a quick "sorry" glance as he slipped out of the room, leaving just him and Slick to do the rest of the interrogation. "Well, change of plans it seems. Guess we'll be doing this one-on-one for now," Leon said, trying to mask the irritation in his tone. Slick gave a sarcastic cheer in response as the interrogation continued.
But something was off.
The unfamiliar feeling that Leon felt in his stomach had gone away, but it was replaced by a dull, uncomfortable pain now. He didn't know the source of it completely, but he knew exactly what it was; and what he had to do to get rid of it.
He raised his right leg ever so slightly off the ground so that his thigh was no longer touching the chair he sat in and leaned gently to the side. Please, don't backfire on me.....
He thanked his lucky S.T.A.R.S. that his farting went unnoticed. It all quietly slipped out as Slick talked, forcing a very muffled grunt out of Leon that he covered up as an acknowledgement of Slick's response.
"Yeah, that makes sense. It'd be better to have them take the fall for it if it means they're pro-"
Leon felt more bubbling through his system as he spoke. He made sure to raise his leg for each fart as he did before, hiding any strange movements behind the guise of him adjusting his posture. At this point he was letting them fly untamed, his gas flowing out of him in a continuous yet miraculously silent stream. Everything was working out perfectly.
Until it wasn't.
Leon certainly didn't go around trying to smell his own farts on a regular basis, but this kind of situation called for different precautions to be taken. He pretended to be clearing his nostrils as he sniffed the air around him to test its purity, and it was clear that his once aroma-less gas was now drifting throughout the room at an alarming rate. All he could do was pray that Slick wouldn't notice, as it was way too late for him to try and stop farting now.
He involuntarily passed gas all the way through the next set of questions, causing the smell to grow strong and his embarrassment even stronger. Slick was simply sparing him at this point, because there was no way in hell the stench wasn't suffocating him between the walls of the cramped interrogation room. What the hell did I eat before this? Leon thought to himself between unwavering boughts of gas.
"Alright I think I'm understanding you here. You said that there's basically some secr-brrUUUurp," a wave of surprise overtook Leon's as an unexpected burp punctuated his sentence for him. He brought his fist to to his mouth to cover it, his other one resting upon chest as he sat there in complete shock, but his body didn't give him much time to recover before another small Urrrp followed it.
And somehow, it got worse.
BrrrRRrrr-ppPpp-PPP-pppPppTT
His body ejected gas from both ends as an endless, ripping fart rolled off the seat of Leon's chair right into the ears and nose of both him and Slick. "Jesus, this some kind of sick intimidation method you motherfuckers are tryin'? At least I know now that was you fartin' earlier. Thought I was goin' crazy!" Slick said while dramatically fanning his nose. "Is there another room we can go in? Maybe one that doesn't stink as bad?"
"N-no," Leon said, desperately trying to regain control of the situation through the power in his voice. He sat up straight again, gathering his professionalism and dignity that had been scattered across the floor and returnimg to form. "We're finally getting somewhere. You can tough if out if I can."
"Well I hope your partner gets back soon so you can go and take a shit or do whatever it is you need to do, dude."
"I-I don't need to sh-Look, back to what we were talking about before," Leon said, shaking his head to snap out of it. The interrogation continued on as normally as it could.
"So I say to him 'That's not my problem', y'know? Because what am I s'posta do about a-" Slick's speaking was interrupted.
brrrAAAAAAAAPP-braap-braAp-BRRRrrrrrrrrpppppt
Leon closed his eyes in a mixture of bliss and humiliation, rising only a few centimeters out of his chair and leaning forward as another thunderous fart trumpeted out of him, his tactical glove-clad fingers clawing the table in front of him. It piled on top of the already mountainous stack of fumes filling the air, renewing it and giving it new peaks. The relief that it brought him was too great to not breathe a sigh of satisfaction afterwards, even if it meant furthering the awkwardness between him and Slick. He groaned again as he sat back down and gained his composure, sloppily falling into the seat like an inflatable tube man. Before Slick could ridicule him like he did last time, the door to the room opened, allowing the most fresh air the room had seen in a long time to try and fight its way in. Detective Luera had returned.
"Yo, you need to let your partner go take a fuckin' shit or somethin'.....motherfucker's been fartin' for the past 25 goddamn minutes!"
Leon looked at Detective Luera as he stood in the doorway. He felt like the criminals he was constantly trying to book: clearly guilty but ready to lie their ass off to save their case.
"No, actually, you don't. I don't have to shit. Everything's fine. We can continue this interrogation as planned, and I'll fill you in on all the details later."
"You can fill me in outside real quick. Shouldn't take that long,"
"You sure about that? We can't leave-"
"It'll be fine."
Leon stood up from his chair, inhaling the waft of all the gas that was trapped between him and the seat and followed Luera outside. Luera gently shut the door, keeping his hand on the handle at ready just incase Slick tried to be shifty. Their conversation was shrouded in quiet aggression, their whisper-yells barely echoing through the halls.
"Farting?! During an official interrogation?! Really, Kennedy?!"
"What else am I supposed to do?! I couldn't leave the room to excuse myself!"
"You could have told me you needed to take a dump before I left! I could have stayed in there and sent YOU to patrols!"
"I don't have to take a dump! I've already said that a million times! I-I don't know why I had to fart so much, but the human body doesn't exactly give explanations for anything!"
"Whatever. I couldn't care less about whether or not you need to shit at this point. Just give me the rundown on what you got out of Slick."
"Right. Our suspicions of him being apart of an organized crime group are true. He said that-"
ppppPPpppppRRRrrrrrRRRRRRPt
Leon grit his teeth, placing his hand up high and leaning against the wall for stability as yet another fart desperately squelched its way out of him. A grumble juddered deep within his stomach, and he sighed heartily in pain. It felt as though this one was threatening to leave the seat of his uniform pants forever tainted with the agonizing stench it created. His free fist was also put to use to cover his mouth as another brrUUp-bRRp came out of it like an aftershock, reminiscent of his earlier struggles. Luera gave him a silent scolding of disapproval with just his eyes, let alone the rest of his face.
"........I'll be back in 20 minutes." Leon said, burping and farting down the hallways of the Racoon City Police Department as he made his way to the bathroom.