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En dropped his things in the corner by the door and flopped down on his back onto Atsushi’s bed. He really was exhausted. He should be excused from gym class for a month at least. Or forever even.
“I’m going to sleep for a week,” he sighed, his muscles aching a little as he moved over for Atsushi to sit on the edge of the bed next to him. They’d gotten themselves a little more battered in that fight than they’d realised.
Atsushi sucked in a slow breath, letting it out again slowly as he nodded, staring ahead at nothing in particular on his bedroom wall. “It was quite a day.”
En closed his eyes, enjoying the peace and quiet for the first time all day. Going to the baths with everyone was always enjoyable, and the school council was always welcome now too, but there was something about just sitting with only Atsushi that was very soothing.
He wouldn’t sleep yet; they still had to take out the futon and get changed, and if he didn’t eat something soon En’s stomach was going to just go ahead and eat itself.
“Are you sure you don’t mind staying the night?” Atsushi asked. “It was short notice.”
“I want to,” En said, opening his eyes to look at him. Atsushi smiled, his eyes still on the wall, and En let his eyes fall shut again.
By some miracle they’d somehow convinced the entire school that everything they saw was a publicity stunt. A show put on to sell curry. He didn’t know what was weirder, that so many of them were rich enough to do whatever they pleased that they were so readily willing to believe that all of this – a masked axe man smashing the school building, eight people transforming right in front of them, growing wings to fight a giant robot while shooting beams out of wands and wearing ridiculous outfits – was all done with effects just to advertise food for a school culture festival, or that it had actually worked.
En had hoped there’d be some left by the end, but it was such a hit that it was all gone before he’d had a chance to get some himself.
“En-chan,” En opened one eye, waiting. Atsushi tried several times to say what he wanted to say, but in the end he just smiled, laughing quietly as he said, “Never mind. I’m tired, let’s get ready for bed.”
“And food,” he muttered. “We need food first.”
They had dinner with Atsushi’s sister and parents, leaving out certain details when they were asked how the festival went, and then said goodnight to everyone before going back up to Atsushi’s room. When he came out of the bathroom and found Atsushi had already set up the futon and was already in bed, so he turned out the lights and settled down to sleep.
He was already half asleep moments later when Atsushi spoke.
“Are you still awake, En-chan?” He asked. En’s reply came out as more of a grunt than an actual reply, but Atsushi carried on. “Kin-chan did a brave thing today, didn’t he.”
“Hm,” En nodded. He forced his eyes to stay open so that he wouldn’t fall asleep until Atsushi was finished. Did he mean switching sides?
“You’re all so much braver than me,” he said softly. “I wish I could be brave like that.”
“You’re brave too,” En told him.
“Not really.”
“You jumped in front of part of a falling building to save someone you thought hated you. You’re really amazing, Atsushi.”
Atsushi went quiet for a moment, and when he spoke again it was in that higher pitch, like he was embarrassed. “I’m not. I … that’s not the kind of brave I meant. And anyway that was only the right thing to do.”
En wondered if he was blushing and wished the light was still on.
“I don’t feel like I’m brave the same way you’re brave. When you apologised to me so easily…” He paused for a moment. “Jumping in front of a monster is one thing, but some things are harder. Yumoto always says what he’s thinking without worrying what anyone might think. Even Ryuu and Io.”
“You’re talking about what he said about you two falling out,” En realised, sitting up a little. “It probably took a lot to admit that,” he agreed. “But you forgave him straight away, with no bad feelings. That’s brave too.”
His eyes had adjusted enough that he saw Atsushi, just his dark silhouette sitting up in his bed, shake his head. “He could have died before he got to say that. One of us could have died and not had the chance to know how we both felt. Any one of us could have died today.”
En hadn’t put too much thought into that just yet. He couldn’t even imagine how it felt for Atsushi to finally have a friend back after so many years of not know what had gone wrong, and especially for it to happen the way it did. He said nothing, and Atsushi said nothing, and for a moment he wondered if Atsushi had fallen asleep sitting up. “Atsushi?”
“Can I tell you a secret?”
En sat up properly, giving Atsushi his full attention while he waited. Atsushi seemed to take a long time to get any words out.
“You can tell me,” En encouraged him.
“It’s kind of hard to just say it,” Atsushi admitted. After another long moment he got up from his bed and moved closer. En folded his legs under himself, his hands rested on top of his thighs, so that Atsushi could sit on the futon in front of him.
Kneeling on top of the blanket, Atsushi said, “Could you… could you please close your eyes?”
“But the lights are already off. What are we, five?” En teased, almost laughing.
“En-chan,” Atsushi sighed. En couldn’t see his expression in the dark, but he sounded serious. He was a little confused, but willing to go along with it anyway, so he sobered up and shut his eyes.
“Sorry. They’re closed.”
En heard Atsushi take a deep breath before he shuffled closer, closer until their knees were touching. “Don’t look, okay?”
“No peeking,” he promised. When nothing happened for a minute or two he asked, “Are you going to tell me now?”
“Just, um… hold on. Don’t speak,” Atsushi said, his voice a little shaky. “Please,” he added hastily.
En nodded. He didn’t even know if Atsushi saw it. Still nothing happened for a while. Atsushi swallowed, kind of loudly, and sucked in a sharp breath. En figured he was trying to think of how he wanted to say whatever it was and didn’t move.
The only warning he got was a tiny puff of still minty breath, and the tip of Atsushi’s nose bumping against his. He froze, his hands clenched into fists on his legs and holding his breath as Atsushi leaned over, his hands on the futon on either side of En’s legs to hold himself steady, and gently pressed his lips against En’s.
En got the sudden feeling like he’d sprouted wings and soared into the sky again. He couldn’t move. In shock, he just sat there, motionless.
It only lasted a few seconds. By the time his brain had caught up with what was happening, Atsushi sat back again, and En had to remind himself to stay still and not follow him so that it wouldn’t stop. He kept his eyes closed, afraid that he’d open them and find that it was some sort of hallucination.
They were both silent for what felt like ages, until En finally released the breath he was holding and Atsushi said, “I’m sorry! I just didn’t know how else to say it.”
En opened his eyes, desperately wishing, again, that he’d left the lights on so that he could see Atsushi’s face. Or maybe so that Atsushi could see his.
“I guess…” Atsushi hesitated a moment. “That was kind of my confession.”
En could hear the nervous smile in his voice. He touched his own slightly dry lips with his fingers. Atsushi’s lips had been so soft.
“You don’t have to give an answer or anything,” he said quickly. “I’m not expecting… Well, I mean, I didn’t really say anything anyway so…” He reached up, rubbing at his eyes, and for a moment En wasn’t sure what he was doing until he spoke again and he heard the crack in his voice, the sniff and shaky gasp of air. He laughed to cover up the sound of it. “I’m sorry, I just wanted you to know.”
Not able to sit there and just listen to Atsushi trying not to cry, En reached out quickly and held his wrists, moving his arms down so that he could cup Atsushi’s face in his hands, wiping his cheeks with his thumbs to brush away the tears that spilled over anyway.
“Please say something,” Atsushi whispered.
“You asked me not to,” En said. “Why are you crying?”
“I don’t know.” He took another deep breath, calming himself. And then another. Eventually he nodded his head, still held in En’s hands. “I’m okay. Sorry.”
“Can I give you my answer?” En asked.
Atsushi laughed a little. “En-chan, you don’t have to do that. We can just pretend it never happened if that’s easier.”
“I’d rather give you one anyway,” he insisted. “Just so we’re clear.”
Atsushi’s head dropped a little as he tried to look away. En didn’t let him. Holding him steady, En leaned in to kiss him again. Atsushi, startled for a moment, didn’t react other than to make a muffled “mmn?” against En’s lips. And then he kissed back, both hands coming up to grip the front of En’s shirt, his knuckles pressed against where En’s heart beat wildly in his chest.
For several minutes the only sounds in the room were their kisses, slow but enthusiastic, and Atsushi’s little gasps, until En pulled back to take in a lungful of air.
“Sorry, En-chan,” Atsushi breathed.
En could only shake his head in response, almost dizzy with how happy he was. He closed his eyes, resting his forehead against Atsushi’s.
“Atsushi,” he sighed, his voice rasping almost harshly, “I thought you knew.”
“I know I’m not anyone’s first option, but I… Wait,” Atsushi pulled away to look at En. “Thought I knew what?”
He let out a silent huff of laughter, shaking his head again in disbelief. “You’re my only option. I’ve loved you for years. I thought you just never mentioned it to be nice or for the sake of our friendship or something.”
“How could I know?” Atsushi asked, a little louder than he should have.
“I wasn’t exactly hiding it,” En shrugged.
Atsushi leaned in to him, resting his head against En’s chest, his hands still fisted in his shirt. At first when he began to shake slightly, En thought he was laughing, but a quiet hiccup and gasped sob told him otherwise. He gripped Atsushi’s shoulders and pulled him closer for a hug, wrapping his arms around him tightly.
After a few minutes Atsushi pulled away again to dry his eyes. En ignored the damp patch on the shoulder of his shirt.
“I’m sorry,” Atsushi said again. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me right now. I just feel so… so…”
“So much?” En supplied. Atsushi gave up his search for a suitable word to laugh and nod. “It’s fine. A lot happened today.”
Atsushi nodded again. “I need to sleep. Would you sleep with me, En-chan?”
En grinned before he could stop himself. “So soon?”
“That’s not what I meant and you know it,” Atsushi huffed. He shoved at En’s shoulder, though in good humour.
“I know,” En chuckled, standing up. He held out a hand to help Atsushi up, but didn’t let go once he was on his feet, leading him to his own bed.
After climbing in first, he moved along to the far edge, leaving plenty of room so that there would be space between them, but Atsushi pulled him closer, wrapping En’s arm around himself. En took the hint, gladly, holding him with his chest to Atsushi’s back, still holding his hand.
“G’night,” he muttered into Atsushi’s hair, but there was no reply. For once it seemed Atsushi had fallen asleep before him. They hadn’t really talked about it properly yet, but all of that could wait until after breakfast. He smiled, pressing his lips against the back of Atsushi’s neck for one last kiss before he let his eyes drop shut, quickly following Atsushi to sleep.