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She'd almost died. She knows that. She hadn't expected to make it out of there alive. Kaidan was the higher priority. Shepard had explained it, even though Ash hadn't needed the explanation. She's a soldier. She'd known the risks going in. She'd been ready, and she'd said goodbye.
Ash still doesn't know how they had done it. They'd had just enough time to extract them both.
Well, Shepard was a bit amazing like that. He kept making things that seemed impossible possible. You couldn't help but fall for him. For that and for a million other reasons.
Even just for the way he walks around the room as he debriefs them, so in command, and yet so in tune with his crew. Above them and with them. The impossible possible. He is breathtaking and devastating.
Shepard directs a question to Kaidan and Ash glances at the Lieutenant. She has to squash down that stupid, persistent flare of jealousy. There's no place for that Ash. And she knows Shep's decision to save Kaidan didn't have anything to do with their relationships, but it's still hard to keep the thought from crossing her mind; that maybe Shepard had made his decision, during that dire moment, when he had refused to choose between them earlier.
"I want you two to meet me in my room," Shepard says, as the debriefing ends, surprising both her and Kaidan with the request.
"Yes, Sir," she says, and Kaidan nods, then they both glance at each other out of the corner of their eyes. Kaidan nods at her and she tips her head in response. They head down to Shepard's room.
They don't talk until the room's doors slide shut behind them. A few steps in they turn to each other. And the expression on Kaidan's face; a complex mix of pain and hope and worry. She understands it. It probably matches hers.
The three of them had made such a good team. The way they battled, complimenting each other's strengths, filling in the holes of each other's weaknesses. The way they got along, joking around, encouraging each other, but not being afraid to say what needed to be said in order to help the others improve.
It had been so good before it had gotten so mixed up. When both of them had fallen in love with Shepard.
They need to talk, Kaidan and Ash need to discuss this, get it out. But how do they start?
"I'm just glad you're okay," Kaidan finally says, letting it out like setting down a burden. "All I could think about was how we'd been fighting and that you were going to die and the last thing I said to you... I'm sorry I..." Kaidan blinks slow and lets out a breath, trying to relax his tight throat, "I'm just sorry Ash."
"I'm sorry too," she says and she doesn't know who moved first, but then they are wrapped in each other's arms, Ash's nose up next to Kaidan's pulse point.
They had said some really dumb things. She'd been so upset. She had just wanted Shepard to choose. A yes or a no would have been better than just waiting, no promise of an answer.
"You mean so much to me," she says against his skin. They are both alive and that's what matters.
And, still, the Shepard dilemma doesn't have a solution. She can't stop wanting the man. She can't step away, can't give him up without trying her best. But she also knows that she and Kaidan will figure it out. She knows that they can stay friends. If they both want it enough. If they both work at it hard enough. If they both care enough, it will work. And she knows that Kaidan does.
They hear the door slide open and then shut, so they turn to Shepard and step apart. Ash takes in Shepard's expression. Gone is the calm from the debriefing room.
Now he looks wreaked.
"Shepard?" Kaidan asks, rough voice full of concern. Shepard just shakes his head and takes four quick steps to stand before them. He reaches up to cup their faces, Ash's with his right and Kaidan's with his left.
"I almost lost you," he says, quiet, pained and broken, "both of you."
He's close enough that she can feel the warmth from his body. He caresses her cheek with his thumb and searches their faces; first her, then Kaidan. He looks at them like they are his water and air. Like he needs them to live, to breathe.
And she realizes what he is doing. That he just feels the need to touch them. To reassure himself that they are okay. And they both let him, they shift into the contact, closer, melting like they are starved for touch. Maybe for Shepard they are.
Ash reaches her hand up to join Shepard's against her cheek. Kaidan turns his head and places his lips against Shepard's other hand.
And looking at him now, watching him trying not to fall apart and failing, Ash finally gets it. He couldn't choose because he really loves them both. Equally.
And then a crazy thought hits her:
Why can't they both do this? Why can't they both love him back? Shepard loves them and they love him. They could both be there for him, support him, hold him up when he needs someone to so badly. They could be his someones.
She glances at Kaidan. She definitely finds Kaidan attractive. She can...imagine them together. Imagine it working between the three of them. It...makes...sense. It makes a lot of sense.
They make sense.
Decision made, she steps forward and takes Shepard's lips with hers. It's their first kiss and it's so much better than she'd imagined. Shep's lips are soft and needy. His taste, and, fuck, he's good with his tongue. It could drive her out of her mind but she's purposely keeping Kaidan's presence a priority of her attention.
When she feels Kaidan start to step away she reaches out to grab his hand. Ash nips Shepard's lip and then looks over at Kaidan. She sees exactly when Kaidan gets it. Confused pain sliding into surprised understanding and then desire, tentative but strong.
Kaidan takes those two steps back and Ash hears Shepard's sharp intake of breath as he realizes what this means. And his expression just makes her heart a puddled mess. He looks so hopeful, so amazed, like this was the best thing they could have ever given him.
Kaidan steps up into Shepard's space as she steps back. Then he glances at her and takes in her small smile before he leans forward and kisses Shepard, desperate and not a little rough.
She had expected some jealousy. At least a stifled flicker. But there isn't any. It's just, she swallows loudly, it's just really really hot. Kaidan lets out a whimper and want pools, in her stomach and lower. This could be hers. Both of them could be, no, are, hers.
Kaidan steps back after a minute and he looks back at Ash. She knows exactly what he's thinking at her, with that twist to his mouth and that light dancing in his eyes. Ash smirks and Kaidan can't seem to stop the smile forming on his face in response.
They are so going to blow Shepard's mind tonight.
They each grab one of his hands and pull him toward the bed. It becomes a bit of a mess as they all try to remove each other's clothes at once. A tangle of too many hands and legs. Ash bites her lip to stifle a smile and Kaidan chuckles as Shepard gets stuck in his shirt, but then they are free and bare and...
fuck, they're both so gorgeous.
And the way they look at her, she's never felt this sexy. This desired.
They pull Shepard onto the bed and he kneels with Kaidan up against his back and Ash in front of them. Kaidan meets Ash's eyes over Shepard and then she has to rest her forehead against Shep's shoulder.
Tonight Ash gets Shepard's dick, and Kaidan gets Shepard's ass.
It's amazing how much communication Ash and Kaidan are doing right now without words. They are exactly in tune with what they want to do to Shepard. Make him fall apart.
And she's excited and nervous and a little bit hysteric. They are actually doing this. This is actually working. She's trying not to giggle or make some other absurd noise because of this feeling that she can't seem to keep in her throat.
When she can breathe mostly normal she looks back up and caresses Shepard's cheek. Then reaches out with her other hand to caress Kaidan the same way. He tilts his head into her hand, nuzzles her palm with his nose and then he leans forward to presses a kiss to Shepard's neck, just behind his ear.
Ash's fingers thread into his soft thick hair, mussing it up.
"Shepard, do you have-" Kaidan starts to whisper.
"Bedside drawer," Shepard answers breathlessly and Ash crawls over to get it. She takes out the tube, squeezes some into Kaidan's hand, and drops it on the bed nearby. Then she lays on her stomach in front of Shepard.
She nuzzles his ridiculously hard beautiful cock and breathes in Shepard's musky spell. Damn she wants that in her, right now, so fucking bad. She's so ready.
But Shepard still needs to be prepared.
She waits until Kaidan starts touching Shepard, she can tell from the little motions of Shepard's hips and dick, then she starts licking and mouthing up Shepard, balls to head, and sucks him into her mouth.
Shep sounds amazing. The sharp intake of breath and hitch, a whimper on his exhale. He moves his hand to her head, burying his fingers in her hair. And she has to look up at his face. His eyes are shut, mouth open and then closed, lip trapped by his teeth, before he opens again on a breathy moan.
Fuck, Ash is so wet for him right now.
And she can see his other hand is in Kaidan's hair as Kaidan rests his head on Shepard's shoulder. Kaidan's moaning too--with Shepard--like touching Shepard is driving him crazy.
Ash notices Kaidan's free hand is clutching Shepard side and without thinking about it she reaches up to join him. Kaidan's hand tenses and then moves, shifting back until he can slide his fingers forward, linking them with Ash's against Shepard's skin. She moans around Shepard's cock at the increase in connection.
Kaidan squeezes her hand and she hears his answering moan. Shepard's cock throbs impossibly harder and Ash has to moan again. Fuck this is--it's like they are feeding on each other's pleasure, creating a feedback loop that gets stronger with each iteration.
It's not long before Shepard is going out of his mind, desperate, "Please. Ash, Kaidan, please," he moans, and they both back off. Ash gets up and shifts to straddle Shepard, holding herself above his lap, his cock smearing pre-come low on her belly.
Kaidan grabs himself to line them up and Ash leans forward over Shepard's shoulder to see them. She watches him push in, pull out, push in a little further, and pull out. More and more of his dark thick cock disappearing into Shep. She feels Shepard start to shake.
"Fuck, yes, Kaidan," Shep breathes out as Kaidan speeds up, and Shep's voice is so--Ash lets out a whimper at the sound.
She holds herself above him, waiting, and Kaidan thrusts up into Shepard again, now fully sheathed, so Ash slams down, quick and hard, taking all of Shepard at once.
And she hears them both let out a startled moan, Shepard's gasped and Kaidan's choked out in surprise. Hers is the loudest, unabashed, as she leans her head back and squeezes her eyes shut.
She reaches forward, using Kaidan's shoulder as leverage to pull her body closer, pull Shepard deeper and harder. "Fuck, Ash," Shepard moans, wrapping his arms around her, burying his face in the crook of her neck.
And she feels so connected to them both. Kaidan's hand on her thigh pulling them together, Kaidan moving and Ash answering, Shepard writhing between them, letting them lead. For once following their command.
And from the sounds Shepard is making, they're tearing him apart. She knows he's going to--he's so close. She tightens around him, desperate for his orgasm. Shepard moans, and then Kaidan, as Shepard probably tightens down on Kaidan in a ripple effect from her. They moan in triplicate. And she can see it on Kaidan's face, he's right there too, so she pushes them over the edge. She clenches and slams down, and he's coming and Kaidan's coming, and she watches, and they're so--she whines--fuck-
Are they really going to-? This is ridiculous, but they are, because now she is coming with them. Eyes locked on their faces until she can't. Panting and shaking through the aftershocks.
No, Shepard is the one who is shaking.
They hold him, soothing him through it, as they all try to stop panting, gasping. They did that to him. They made him fall apart.
When he finally calms, Ash pulls off of Shepard and then gets up to find a cloth so she can clean them all up. She wants to take care of them both, first Shepard, his front and back, then Kaidan. And she can't seem to help touching, sliding her fingertips softly, affectionately, against their newly cleaned skin.
As she finishes with Kaidan, his body arching up into her touch, their eyes meet. She watches his eyes drop to her lips and back and then she realizes, he doesn't know. If he's allowed to want, to reach out.
Yes, you too Kaidan, she thinks toward him, I want you too.
Then she crawls up his body and takes his lips with hers so there's no doubt, and his mouth catches her off guard. He has the most plump pouty lips and she can't help but to take his lip with her teeth. He growls a little when she teases him too much and he pulls her closer to kiss her, passionate and deep.
Then she leans back, sitting on this thighs, and smiles down at him. She's just so happy with him right now. She flops back onto the bed on her back. "Fuck yes, this is so going to work!"
Kaidan chuckles and both of her boys lean forward to kiss her cheeks.
She starts to get up so she can put Shepard in the middle but they both reach out to stop her. "Stay," Kaidan says.
"Why am I in the middle?" She thought it was pretty clear that Shep was the filling to this Kaidan-Ashley sandwich.
Kaidan leans up to meet Shepard's eyes and then says, "You're our lady, Ash, we want to protect you from both sides."
"Hey," she says with a small frown, because that's ridiculous, "I'm as much of a bad ass protector as either of you, maybe you need me to protect you."
Shepard lets out an amused sigh, "Would you just pretend to let us be the manly protectors Ash?"
"Fine," she says in a falsely exasperated tone. She doesn't really mind. It's actually sweet. And now that she thinks about it, it does make her feel secure, protected. Silly but true.
So they both curl around her, their hands clasped together low against her stomach, and then they all fall asleep.