Work Text:
1983
Baird had captivated her. That was the right word for it. He was just so much of a person. Physically, his staggering height and broadness dwarfed her smaller frame, which was initially both intimidating and intriguing. But then he opened his mouth and the intimidation turned to something else. He was charismatic, maybe a bit of a people pleaser, but really he was just someone who knew how to get what he wanted from people in a way that benefited everyone. He was funny in a clever, learned way even though he looked like the type to lean hard on dad puns and lawyer humor, which she was truthfully already sick of even at the beginning of her career. He had a smile that blinded and a laugh that was unapologetic.
He was older than her by 15 years, and she wondered why he wasn't married only to later learn over too many martinis that he had a disastrous first marriage that ended eight years ago and he'd taken his career as his lover instead (a common joke among lawyers, sure, but he said it with remorse and not comedy).
She loved working for him, especially late nights across from his desk, occasionally brushing hands as they shared documents. She would dress in the morning wondering how short a skirt and how low a top she could get away with without compromising her professionalism. She'd wear garters instead of control top pantyhose and pretend to not notice when her skirt rode up, hoping to pique his curiosity.
The day he told her he had a job opportunity for her with an old friend of his, she had felt betrayed. They worked so well together! He said they were a great team!
She went to the interview with Logan Roy, and she was surely curt with him, not strictly trying to sabotage but not putting forth her best. It didn't seem to deter the man who was already so powerful. He seemed to like her spunk or something and reported back to Baird that he wanted her on his legal team.
"This will be great for your career, Ger!" Baird gushed.
"I didn't realize you wanted me gone so badly," she replied sharply.
"You'd be better off in another office for now," Baird said with a smirk. "But I don't want you gone. I want you around as much as possible . . . In an unprofessional capacity."
They were married a year later.
---
1999
Baird had a long term plan and shortly after Gerri was hired, he joined Waystar too. He had far more clout and a higher position than her, but she had a slight sense of seniority because of her earlier hiring date and they could be open about their plans to marry soon.
It hadn't occurred to Gerri at the time that Logan also might have had a game in mind when they met. He was married to Caroline, seemingly happily even though they were both always fighting for command of a room, and within a few years they had their third child together. But she wasn't blind to his occasional comments that seemed to play at an invitation to infidelity.
She wasn't RSVPing, of course. She loved Baird and their marriage was solid. For the first 15 years at least.
Around that time, she had a front row seat to the Roy/Collingwood divorce and she watched with mixed feelings. She and Baird were godparents to little Siobhan, but she wouldn't say she ever liked them as much as Baird did. Although, if she was being honest with herself, as Logan's advances ramped up in conjunction with his ended marriage and her own festering boredom with her own marriage, she found herself wondering. Not acting, she would never jeopardize her career or her marriage, just thinking.
Logan was intimidating like Baird had been initially, but his presence didn't ever soften. Even when he tried to be kind there was a sharp edge to his words and his smile. It drew her in, as it had many strong women before her - that seemed to be his type -, but she would never get close enough for the scorpion to sting. Still, she tried to imagine what that harshness might translate to in the bedroom, as she wandered along the beach in the Hamptons. Would he be rough? Care only about his own pleasure? Or did that severity mean he would also take sex seriously, an act that he needed to excel in?
Her thoughts were abruptly halted by the sight of the Roy children trying to occupy themselves at the shore. Her own children had been left with her parents, but they were still kids compared to the Roys. Kendall, who'd be off to college in the fall, was walking back and forth with headphones on, muttering to himself. Siobhan was lying on a lounge chair with a magazine. Gerri looked around for Roman, but he didn't seem to be there and she suddenly wondered if he was still at boarding school. She rarely saw her boss' kids, but Roman was secretly her favorite. His humor that was often pretty sophisticated for a sixteen year old and his charm mirrored Baird, and she wondered if her husband had been similar as a teen, albeit much larger.
The thought of her husband immediately made her ashamed of her earlier thought experiment and she went to find him, putting to rest any further curiosity about Logan.
---
2021
Roman was actually like his father in some significant ways: swift in decision making, good at negotiating, able to convince people that he's got their interests in mind, clever in unexpected ways. It was those qualities that made her want to help him succeed, that made her think he could be a worthy successor.
But there was a key difference between Logan and Roman that she knew could get in the way: his heart.
Logan surely had a heart at one point but it had been destroyed, or perhaps he destroyed it himself. But Roman, in spite of all the emotional abuse, the violence, still loves and wants to be loved. He says he feels nothing, writes everything off as a joke, but she knows the truth. Alexithymia: a common trauma response. She saw it in her own father.
In certain lights, at certain angles, she looks at Roman and sees a young Logan and feels a tug of nostalgia for that buried thought experiment. But then the light shifts, his expression softens, and she sees him as he is and her heart aches tenfold. She can tell herself that it's pity, pity for this broken, stunted man who so deeply loves, but she knows that's not the whole story.
Nothing had ever happened between her and Logan, but Roman was different and she suspected it went beyond fidelity to Baird. When he died, Logan had tried again with her and again she prevaricated and protected herself. With Roman, she had very well been half the pursuer. She could (should) have hung up the phone in disgust, rebuffed him like she had his father. But she didn't.
She knew she had to end this, refocus on their professional goals. She knew (hoped) that she would always be able to draw those boundaries across distances and closed doors, and half the time he could kill the mood himself, but lately she was starting to wonder. He would look at her, heavy eyes dark, watching her lips or her breasts, and she would find herself curious. She thought his famed impotence would keep his own impulses at bay but he had been getting bold with his advances, invading her space a bit too much, making statements about what he wants to do with her that feel a bit too honest and possible.
She knows that if she took him up on his offer, no one would ever believe him, just as no one believed him when he told the truth about what happened in her bathroom at Tern Haven. But she also knows that if she were to fuck him, she would have his heart forever, and she couldn't handle that responsibility.
Not now. Maybe not ever. Certainly not now (one day?).
She had to focus on what was important: they were a great team. In a professional capacity.