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Petra woke up with a groan, aimlessly swatting at the baby monitor on the other bedside table.
“Hon. One of the girls is up.”
“Can’t you get her?”
“Fine, fine.” Strahm pulled herself out of bed and shuffled to the room next door. She took hold of the twin that cried for her mother and gave her the once over. “What’s wrong…? You can’t answer that, but” she sighed. A dirty diaper. She could fix that, thank god. She put the girl down on the changing table and grabbed everything she knew she’d need. Alyssa. This one was Alyssa. She gave Alyssa her favorite ring and smiled at her as she cleaned her up, hugging her tightly once more once they were done. She kissed her head and placed her back in her crib, as she crossed the threshold of the room she smelt something from Jessica. “You just had to let me get halfway back to your mother’s room.” The baby, seemingly aware of Strahm’s mild frustration, giggled as the woman strode across the room and picked her up. Definitely more hefty than her sister, Petra cleaned her up and got her settled back down. She looked over her shoulder at the digital clock facing the girls, only took her about 20 minutes to get them back down. With a soft sigh she dragged herself back into bed and shoved her face into the back of her partner. Her arms wrapped around the space heater of a woman and leeched the body heat from the bigger woman. She waited for a toss, a shift, some kind of indication that Maureen was still up to no avail. Her breath brushed along the back of Maureen’s neck before whispering a soft, “I love you” to the hibernating bear. “I love you so damn much… It hurts.” Her hands slid across the once taut skin where Maureen’s twins had grown, now gave way to loose flesh. “… am I ever going to feel like a mother to the girls? Or is that just something reserved for you?”
She shook her head, trying to clear her mind like an etch-a-sketch before she would be able to fall asleep. Try as she might, the thoughts didn’t want to stop. She pulled herself away from Maureen and sat in the chair across the room. She walked downstairs and laid on the couch, covering herself up in more than three blankets to make up for the lack of Maureen’s warmth. It was this stupid piece of furniture where it all started. Where she promised that she’d stay by Maureen’s side, that she’d raise the baby as hers before Hoffman told her it’d be twins. “Stupid…”
“Petra?” A voice from behind the couch asked. Petra looked up in the direction of the voice, seeing the moonlight soaking Maureen’s visage. Literally radiant. She hated how beautiful she looked sometimes, when it came to her so effortlessly. Petra rolled over so she didn’t have to look at Maureen, “Petra. Tell me what’s wrong. Right now.”
“I’m not your girls, you can’t tell me what to do.”
“And if I asked nicely?” Maureen sighed
“Fine.” Strahm slid so that she was upright and made space for her girlfriend. When Maureen crashed down onto the couch, Petra wrapped herself around her. “I guess… I feel weird about taking care of the girls, because they’re not mine.”
“They’re yours.” Maureen’s lips reached out to make contact with Petra’s neck
“No I mean… You’re their mom, am I going too far if I kiss them on the cheek?” Petra tried to skirt away from her partner. Maureen’s arm was around her back before she could. Her chest shook as she said it.
“So you’ve been holding back on affection?”
“Yes… and it’s not like they can tell me what’s okay for me to do…”
“Petra, listen to me.” She took Strahm’s face into her hand and forced her to look into her eyes. “I may have carried them, got knocked up before I even knew you existed, but I’ll be damned if you keep acting like you’re not their mother.” She kissed the crown of her head and ran her thumb over Petra’s cheeks. “You are. You’re their mother.”
“I wish… I could believe you when you say that.” Strahm pulled away from Maureen’s touch, moving as far as she could on the furniture. Maureen sighed and stood.
“Let’s talk about this more in the morning.” She said, “I love you. Even if you don’t love me right now.”
“Maureen.” Petra sighed as her partner walked slowly up the stairs. She was out of earshot but Strahm whispered after Maureen, “I love you…” She pulled a pillow over her face and silently screamed into it. She threw the pillow across the room before getting up and grabbing it; she would need it if she wanted to get back to sleep tonight. “I love you, Maureen.”
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Strahm woke up as light trickled into the living room. It couldn’t have been later than seven. She hauled herself up from the couch and rummaged through the kitchen. Hearing the commotion in her kitchen, Maureen appeared downstairs like a spirit summoned. She wrapped her arms around Petra’s front and buried her head into the back of Strahm’s neck. Strahm’s hand gravitated for the thick locks of hair that fell onto her shoulder, affectionately running her fingers through her girlfriend’s hair.
“I’ll make breakfast.” Maureen said in a low voice
“No I’ll get it.”
“You can’t cook for shit, love. Get away from my appliances.” She growled, snaking a hand up Petra’s shirt. “I’ll give you more if you fucking sit down.”
“Fine I was just trying to be nice.” She squirmed away and sat at the table. Hoffman started making a cup of coffee for Strahm in her fancy espresso machine. She placed it in front of Petra and after she took a sip from the cup, she kissed her. Hoffman licked the trace of foam off her girlfriend’s lip to get a taste of caffeine. Petra used her finger to clean up the rest of the drink. Maureen leaned against the table and loosened the tie on her robe to give Petra a view of her favorite part of Maureen. “You’re being real generous this morning. Do you have some motive?”
“If I did?”
“I’d ask what it was.” Petra leaned into her and rested her hands on Maureen’s hips
“Can we talk about last night?” Maureen had set the trap and lured Petra in. Now Petra was snared.
“Yeah. We can talk about it.” Petra replied with a sigh. She ran a hand through her hair and looked into Maureen’s eyes. Her eyes were watery, threatening to spill if Petra wasn’t careful with her words. Of course, Petra was about as gentle with her words as a bull in a china shop. She had a tendency to get her foot in her mouth more often than it was on the ground.
“Why do you feel like you’re not the girls’ mother?” Maureen asked, point blank. There was no stepping around the issue.
“I guess…” Strahm started with a deep sigh, trying to collect her words. Thoughts were racing around her head; threatening to spill when there was only one train of thought that she actually meant to elaborate on. “This is going to be long” she said in a sort of apology.
“I have time. It’s Sunday. Like I was really going to plan on going to mass.” Maureen tried to cut the tension. At the very least it made Strahm’s lips curl into a half-hearted grin. She wanted so badly to kiss Maureen, but she didn’t feel worthy while they had this talk. God knows she should’ve cherished their kiss before bed last night given that that might be the last kiss she ever received from Hoffman.
“Growing up I knew something was wrong with me…” Strahm winced, thinking about the way she was as a kid. Constant wraps on her knuckles from the nuns, and school sanctioned bullying for looking like a fag when she was old enough to decide she hated her hair long. “I didn’t know I was into women but something never felt right when I’d kiss a guy… and when I did figure that out I resigned myself to the fact that I wasn’t meant to have kids. I thought and I thought about how I never really wanted kids really… I mean what woman would want kids with another woman, right? We’d look ridiculous…” Her fists were curled up in the fabric of her sleepwear as she tried to avoid looking at Maureen. “So this entire time I’ve been holding off from wanting something I shouldn’t have. Something I can’t have. At least in my mind. Why get my hopes up when I’m used to a life of disappointment?”
There was silence between the two of them, Petra knew she fucked up when her chest started to heave and hot tears ran down her face. She turned away from Maureen and started to walk towards the bathroom, the front door, anywhere so Maureen didn’t have to look at her pathetic self. Maureen’s hand reached out and closed the distance between the two of them, taking her girlfriend into her arms. Petra froze
“Honey… love.” With one hand on the small of Petra’s back the other found its way through the strands of Petra’s hair. She gasped for air as the cries turned into sobs and her fists curled up around the silk of Maureen’s pajamas. Maureen let go of her for just a second to walk the length of the kitchen and grab tissues for her before Petra clung to her a magnet once more. She kept whispering her pet names for Strahm into Strahm’s ear until Petra was no longer crying. Her breathes were still ragged, but she’d managed to stop crying and looked into Maureen’s eyes for salvation.
“I love you,” She mumbled, barely louder than a whisper, “I love you so much and it hurts to think of my life without you or the girls now… but I just couldn’t let myself love them. What if you got tired of me and told me to leave?”
“I know.” Maureen’s thumbs carefully wiped away the last remnants of tears on Petra’s red cheeks, “I want to spend forever with you, but I understand why you’d think that.”
“Forever?”
“Forever.” Maureen looked at her with a serious expression. Her lips press ever so softly onto Petra’s with the mercy of an angel that Petra knew she didn’t deserve.
“I love you.” Petra repeated
“I love you too.” Maureen echoed back to her. Her hand rubbed a giant circle along Strahm’s back before asking, “You want some breakfast now?”
“Please.” Strahm used the edge of her sleeve to finish cleaning up her face. She took a seat at the table and crossed her legs, reaching for the paper on the table while she waited. While Maureen was in her own world throwing ingredients into the pan, Strahm decided she needed to check on the girls out of her own volition. She went up the stairs, probably creaking loudly into the kitchen. One… Jessica. Jessica had drool on her mouth that Strahm grabbed a wipe to clean off before holding onto her. After hesitantly waiting she kissed her cheek. It felt right. It didn’t feel like it was misplaced, or that she had overstepped and was to be smite by God. Jessica looked so happy in her second mother’s arms. It was going to take her time to learn how to be a better parent to her girls, but for once since the family left the hospital it felt like Strahm was in control of her own life. She whispered quietly, “I love you, Jessica.” before putting her back in her crib and taking Alyssa into her arms, showing a similar level of motherly affection to her other daughter. When she put Alyssa back down, she repeated the words “I love you, Alyssa”. She traced over the outline of the crib’s, admiring Maureen’s handiwork for a moment before walking back downstairs. Maureen was already going to town on her plate when she came back.
“Food’s getting cold.” Maureen hummed, food filling her mouth. “You okay, honey?”
“Yeah… just thought I’d go check on the girls.”
“Were they crying?” Maureen shifted in her seat, “Did they need to be fed?”
“No, they’re okay for now. Sleeping soundly, though Jessica had some spit up on her cheek.” Strahm took the first bite of eggs before eating at a similar pace as her partner. When Maureen finished her food she pressed her lips onto the crown of Strahm’s head and said,
“You’ll be such a good mother to the girls.” She assured her
“Thanks.” Petra’s hand rested against Maureen’s cheek. Maureen nuzzled against it before kissing the skin above Petra’s pulse, “You want me to do the dishes?”
“I’d prefer if you brought the girls down.”
“Okay.” Petra went back upstairs and carried Alyssa down, then went back up to grab Jessica, lest she drop one of the twins on the way down.
“Oh, there’s my girls.” Maureen lit up when she saw her daughters on the living room floor, scooping them up into her arms and covering them in kisses.
“I thought you said you were gonna do dishes.” Strahm smirked
“Dishes are soaking, and almost done.” Hoffman countered
“Uh huh.”
“Promise. You wouldn’t tear me away from my babies now, would you?” She puffed up her lips and put on the most fragile looking doe eyes. Strahm rolled her eyes, but ultimately yielded to her partner. Petra sat back on the couch while Maureen did what looked like baby aerobics to her daughters, at least to Petra. She eventually slid down off the furniture and sat on the floor with her family as the girls got bored with the lion Maureen was trying to force them to play with. Petra inched towards Maureen as she laid on the floor and kissed her.
“Mhm, what’s that for?” Maureen wrapped a hand around Strahm’s shoulder as she returned the kiss
“Your little lion voice was cute.” Strahm smiled down at her partner
“Thank you, I tried.” She replied in the lion voice
“But not that cute.” Strahm’s face turned serious before cracking once more. After making sure her back was clear, Petra sat back down next to Maureen and started shaping Maureen’s hair as it cascaded out onto the carpet floor.
“You’re so pretty.” Maureen blurted out. She said it as if it was as natural as breathing to her
“You’re prettier.”
“This isn’t a contest, love. You can be gorgeous, and I can be beautiful.” Maureen leaned forward ever so slightly and looked into Strahm’s eyes with those ocean foam blue eyes
“Yeah… but you’re absolutely breathtaking.”
“And you make the stars envious of how brightly you shine.” Maureen buttered her up with flowery language. Petra made a run for Jessica as the girl crawled towards the door faster than either mother could herd her back towards her sister.
“Got you.” She told the infant, who giggled at her mother. “You look just like your mom with that devious smile of yours.”
“I don’t know, seems like she’s got your personality though.” Maureen teased her, taking Jessica from Petra’s arms and holding her against her chest. “Seems like someone’s getting fussy.”
“Then feed her” Strahm shrugged
“I will, I will.” Hoffman lifted her shirt up. Jessica latched on to the teat and Hoffman held her. Strahm ended up staring at Hoffman’s chest while she fed their daughter, and Hoffman knew her girlfriend was looking. She smirked and cleaned the two of them up before taking the twins back upstairs for their afternoon nap. When she came back down she had a certain satisfied look on her face as she pulled Petra from across the floor back onto her knees before Maureen’s spot on the couch.
“Oh honey. Whatever am I going to do with you?”
“What do you want?” Petra asked, pressing her lips onto Maureen’s knees as she waited for an answer.
“You know our first night together? Something like that… with you absolutely salivating at the sight of my pregnant body.”
“Have I not been a loyal devotee to you as you are now?” Petra’s eyebrow perked up. Her hands slowly inched up underneath Maureen’s shirt, resting on her hips before lifting the fabric up. Her mouth was on the stretchmarks of Maureen’s stomach before the other woman could say another word.
“Just like that, my love.” Hoffman’s hand threaded through Strahm’s hair. She split her legs open and Strahm hopped onto her lap. Her lips met with Maureen’s collarbone and wrapped her arms loosely around Maureen’s neck.
“You’re so fucking beautiful.” Strahm’s hips bucked up into the fat that spilled into Maureen’s lap
“You spoil me.” Maureen purred
“Can I do something selfish?” Strahm asked her
“Sure.” Maureen laughed, not knowing what it could entail. Strahm took her shirt off over her head and tossed it to the side, running her thumb over Maureen’s nipple. She cupped Maureen’s breast with one hand before putting her lips around the bud. She started sucking slowly. “Hon… honey…”
“Yeah?” Petra asked, her mouth still perched around her nipple.
“Yeah. Do that.” Maureen’s mind was quietly short circuiting as Strahm smirked. She continued to suck on her nipple before managing to draw some of the milk from her teat. She drank from her partner even though it was useless for her. Maureen’s nails dug deeper into the skin of Petra’s hips as her girlfriend drunk her dry. Her hand that cupped Maureen’s boob massaged the fat before trailing that same hand over her stomach. She pulled off and cleaned the side of her mouth with the tip of her finger before moving her mouth further south. Her tongue dipped into Maureen’s belly button before leaving a love bite on skin just above the spot.
“Be honest with me dear…” Maureen hummed, “Was I pretty when I was pregnant?”
“I could care less. I can’t get a-fucking-enough of you.” Strahm growled. Maureen threw her head back against the couch and clamped down on Petra’s hips. Petra tore her hands up before getting back onto the floor. She pulled Maureen’s pants down to her ankles and pressed her lips along the hem of her underwear. They were sloppy and wet, tongue applying pressure to the waistband. When she knew Maureen was good and teased, she slid the panties in a similar fashion to the floor. Petra’s tongue licked at Maureen’s clit until her partner’s legs folded and her back arched. Her hands pulled on Petra’s hair as she tried to keep herself quiet so the babies wouldn’t wake up from her screams. Petra stopped teasing her and let her finally cum. Maureen’s back slumped and Strahm’s thumb flicked over the skin of Maureen’s womb.
“I love you…” Maureen whimpered after Strahm’s head was back up from in between her legs. Strahm pressed her lips once more onto Hoffman’s stomach before replying.
“I love you too.” She shut her eyes and whispered something silently against Hoffman’s body. Hoffman didn’t ask. She didn’t want to take away from how mesmerized Petra acted over her.
“Come here.” Maureen said in a demanding voice, tugging her girlfriend up. Petra gladly let Hoffman pose her to her comfort until she was lying on her back and Maureen was on top of her. It was almost suffocating, but the pressure felt so good on her. Maureen’s hands rested on Petra’s chest before she slowly started kneading her boobs.
“What are you doing?” Petra looked at her
“You’ve ever had a cat?”
“Back when I was in college.” Petra continued to look at her like she was crazy
“When they’re happy, they knead.”
“Okay, so you’re happy. Why my chest and not my stomach?” Petra laughed
“No reason.”
“Mhm.” Petra’s hand rested on Hoffman’s back. “So it has nothing to do with you trying to also make me lactate?”
“No comment.” Maureen replied, continuing her massage. Petra grabbed the blanket from behind her girlfriend and wrapped it around the two of them. “I love you.”
“Love you too.” Petra replied, her fatigue suddenly crashing upon her like waves. Sensing the other woman’s tiredness, she pulls herself off her girlfriend. Petra whined and reached out for Maureen before asking, “Where are you going?”
“To take a shower. My hair is gross.” She fluffed up the oily ends, “That and everyone else is occupied for the time being.”
“Let me shower with you.” Petra protested
“No. Sleep.” She told Petra. Petra grumbled some more before rolling over and taking a nap
“That’s my girl.” Maureen ran her hand over Petra’s head. She slipped into the shower quickly and came back to Petra. She curled up next to her and listened to the house’s creaks to lull herself to sleep. She’s woken up by the sound of someone hitting her front door furiously. She slid off the couch and slinked over to the spot where she kept her gun. She loaded it and kept to the walls of the living room before peering out the door.
“Agent Perez.” She said while opening the door
“Maureen.” She nodded
“What are you doing here?” She asked nonchalantly, tucking her gun away
“Strahm said the two of you wanted to go on a date. So here I am. To babysit.” Lindsey waved her hands in front of her like she was about to perform a magic trick
“Oh. Come in then.” Maureen held the door open for Lindsey and rustled Petra, “Hon. Wake up.”
“Mhm.” Petra groaned
“I know a way to wake her up.” Lindsey shrugged
“Hopefully it’s not cold water. This couch was expensive.”
“No.” Lindsey laughed before getting in her work partner’s face and shouting, “I’ll tell you what I want.”
Petra jolted up from the couch and replied with the next line in the song, “What I really really want.”
“You’re welcome,” Lindsey bowed. Petra looked at her with irritation before softening at the sight of Maureen.
“Hey.” She reached out for Hoffman
“Lindsey’s here to babysit for us.”
“Oh shit, that’s today?” Petra reached around the couch to find her planner
“Yeah. Go get your dress on and take Maureen out.”
“I don’t think I’ve seen you in a dress since we’ve started dating.” Maureen purred. Petra’s face flushed and she quickly walked upstairs while Maureen explained everything there was to know about the twins. Strahm let out a sigh of relief as she came back down, knowing the girls were in Lindsey’s capable hands. “You’re gorgeous” Maureen commented, wrapping an arm around her before pecking her cheek. “I’d better go get ready.”
“Yeah.” Strahm’s hand trailed after Maureen as Maureen let go and went upstairs herself.
“You feeling better?” Lindsey asked Strahm. Petra looked up at her as she fidgeted with the hem of her dress while sitting
“About what?”
“About being a mom now?”
“Yeah.”
“Good. That’s good for you.” Lindsey smiled. Maureen came back down with a girl in each arm, carefully handing her twins off to Lindsey as she avoided getting spit up on her outfit. “Oh my god, they’re so cute. They have the chubbiest cheeks I’ve ever seen!”
“I’m sure they’ll behave well for their Aunt Lindsey.” Maureen fawned over her girls one more time before taking Petra’s hand and pulling her towards the door. Petra broke her grasp and ran back to give the girls forehead kisses before walking back to her partner
“We’ll see you… later?”
“See you later. Say bye mom, bye mama.”
“They’re not really in that developmental phase yet…” Strahm started to explain
“Bye!” Maureen pulled her out the door before she could continue babbling on. She practically threw Petra into the car and ran her hand over the gear shift, “So. Where am I taking you?”
“Anywhere’s fine with me.” Petra ran her hand over Maureen’s before bringing it up to her lips, staring into her partner’s eyes. Maureen put the car in reverse and gunned it out of the driveway before Lindsey had time to change her mind.