Archive of Our Own

White spots tainting his vision, red cheeks, shaky hands ; those are often the repercussions of Anton having a pretty serious argument with someone he genuinely cares about.

It doesn't happen often, but it does. And it's happening now.

He's not sure what to do with himself. He's been running off for god knows how long now, and his body is starting to shake for more than one reason. It's freaking cold out there, and he only has a thin long-sleeved shirt to keep himself warm. Shotaro would absolutely kill him for not snatching a coat on his way out of their house.

Their house. Can Anton include himself in there? It doesn't feel right to, not after tonight.

He isn't sure if he's throwing a tantrum right now, or if he has the right to be scurrying off between the dark alleys of their dubious town in the middle of the night. He remembers Eunseok telling him about the weird, mostly illicit stuff that happens here after the sun sets. "Pretty young guys like you don't see themselves out their house after midnight, unless they wanna get sold out on the dark web or some shit."

It's currently one thirty in the morning. Anton shivers when a particularly cold breeze of wind hits his skin.

He won't last the night out here.

He's aware of that. But he's petty, alright, so there's no way he's going back home tonight. (It goes way deeper than pettiness, but Anton doesn't want to think about it.)

What he needs to think about is finding somewhere to hide for the night, but that's basically hopeless. Everything is closed, except for bars, but there's no way Anton even nears one of these places so late in the night (or, so early in the morning). He doesn't want to meet any drunks and get caught up in some weird, dangerous stuff — he's already got his own set of problems. Anton isn't weak, per say, but he's sure he wouldn't be able to properly defend himself if he had more than one guy after him.

His legs wobble under the weight of his body and, defeated by his own exhaustion, Anton finds a wall to lay against, letting his back slide down the surface until his butt hits the mucky, dirty ground.

He has officially hit rock bottom. Everytime he tries and takes his time to breathe, his annoyance grows. He hates everything, from the abandoned diner across the street to the dirty asphalt he's sitting on. He hates Eunseok, who's too stubborn for his own good. He hates Shotaro, and Wonbin, and Sohee, who are too mature to pick a side. He hates Seunghan, even though he was the only one by his side tonight, taking his defense. More than anything else, though, Anton hates himself.

He doesn't have time to pity over his shitty life when he hears low laughs echo off in the distance. Most-likely, it's a bunch of drunkards walking down the streets, waiting to find a prey to put their disgusting hands on.

He's kind of fucked, here. He has nowhere to go, nothing to protect himself with, no one to call—

Well. That's not true. There's someone.

It's the last person Anton should contact, though. Somehow, it prompts him to give into the act. Knowing how much it would kill Eunseok for him to do this is only a motivation to go further.

Yeah, Anton is a bit petty.

So he grabs his phone from his pocket and turns it on, only to find over a hundred notifications waiting for him on his lockscreen. He can barely see the picture of Sohee and Seunghan under the pile of messages and calls he has gotten over the past hour.

Most of them are from Wonbin. Nothing from Eunseok.

Anton caves in and scrolls through a couple of them, a pang of guilt hitting deep in his chest when he reads his friend's messages.

wonbin :  where are you

wonbin :  come back home

wonbin :  we can talk it off okay?

wonbin :  eunseok didn't mean it

wonbin :  we're all sorry

wonbin :  anton answer me

sohee :  come back bro it's dangerous out there :((

sohee :  eunseok went to search for you

Ah, shit.

As bad as he feels for making everyone worry, only reading Eunseok's name fills his veins with a rage he didn't know he had in him. He needs to breathe, and in accord to that, he needs to be as far as possible from Eunseok.

Fuck it, he thinks as he opens his messages app. His thumbs shake as he types, and if he's enough of a liar, he can tell himself it's because of the cold.

jung sungchan

are you free

For some reason, Anton kind of hopes he won't answer. Because if he does, it would mean he cares. And Anton doesn't know how he would feel about that.

Grabbing his phone tightly, Anton drags his knees to his chest and hide his face with a quiet groan. His eyes burn from crying, and he's almost sure his nose is puffy and red. Only the thought of Sungchan seeing him in this state embarrasses him to the core.

Every second feels like a minute, and the streets have gotten so quiet that he's scared someone will jump at him any second. He feels like he's in one of those opening scenes from Scream, which, well, is not reassuring at all.

What was he thinking. It's almost two in the morning. There's no way he'll answer.

Anton's heart jumps when he feels his phone vibrate between his cold hands.

jung sungchan

yeah what's up? are you okay?

One part of him feels relieved while the other screams in defeat. Anton sighs. It shouldn't be this easy between the both of them, but somehow, it always is.

He gathers what's left of his dignity and throws it out the window. At this point, safety is more important than his ego.

jung sungchan

can you pick me up? i'm in town

Anton watches the bubble that indicates the other is typing pop up on his screen, biting nervously on his bottom lip. He gets an answer in less than three seconds.

jung sungchan

where? i'll be there in 5

Christ.

Anton startles when he hears the drunkards again, the volume of their voice hinting that they have definitely gotten closer. He looks around himself, paranoid, before going back to his phone.

jung sungchan

i'll send you my location

He does so quickly, and Sungchan only answers with a thumbs up. Anton takes this as his cue to stand back up and move away from the noises of curses and disturbing cackles.

The sound of every step he takes is entirely too loud in the silence of the night, and Anton almost knocks some garbage littering the streets when he turns in a corner. He curses his long legs and hopes Sungchan wasn't kidding about being there in five.

𓇢𓆸

Eight minutes later, Anton is taking the passenger's seat of Sungchan's big truck and closing its door hurriedly while the other scowls at him.

"What the fuck are you wearing?" Sungchan hisses, and Anton almost wants to go back in the dark and dirty alley. "It's freezing cold out there."

Then, he takes the thick fabric of the hoodie he's wearing off his frame to throw it on Anton's lap. A real gentleman.

Anton sighs, and then immediately feels like a brat. Sungchan came all the way here because he's in need of help. Even if he doesn't want to, he feels like he should somehow show that he's grateful.

He feels the fabric with his hands and finds that he doesn't want to meet the other's eyes, his own gaze stuck on his lap. "Thanks." He mumbles under his breath.

There's a small moment in which none of them breathes, broken by Sungchan's sharp intake of air before he speaks. "Anton. Look at me."

He doesn't. He can't. For some reason, he's always tempted to do the exact opposite of what is asked of him whenever he's upset.

Although, Sungchan is never one to be taking his shit, and that's evident in the way he gently grabs Anton under his jaw to make him look up.

Anton doesn't resist, even if, while they're face to face, he still avoids his eyes. He can feel his ears getting redder as the other man carefully scrutinizes his features.

Sungchan's hold on his jaw tightens for a second and then the pressure is almost completely gone, as if he struggled to control the strength of his grip on Anton. Curious, Anton finally looks at him, only to find his alarmed doe eyes staring back.

"Is that a bruise?" Sungchan's voice becomes a tad bit louder, his tone more assertive, like he's trying to have some sort of authority. He enunciate his syllables the way he does when he's about to get angry. "Who—"

Anton knows what he's talking about, and so he cuts him off right away. "No." He's talking about his cheekbones, tainted of a bloody red that can be easily misinterpreted as a bruise. "It's— I get like that when I cry. I swear, nobody hit me or anything."

Sungchan stays silent for a few seconds, contemplating, before drawing back. Now that he's at a respectable distance, Anton finally breathes. He didn't even realize he had stopped at all.

He can still feel the tickles of Sungchan's touch on his chin, so he tries to scratch it off with his hand, hoping it looks subtle enough. He lets his heartbeat go back to its natural rhythm by looking out the window, acting like whatever's outside is far more interesting than the man sitting next to him. He hasn't even put Sungchan's hoodie on, only fidgeting with the cloth on his lap. It's warm enough inside the truck.

Sungchan starts the engine and cranks the heat up. Anton wonders why it wasn't cranked up in the first place. "Where do you want to go?"

Anton keeps playing with the hoodie, unsure of how to go about this. There's only so many ways of saying it. "I don't have anywhere to stay for the night."

His voice his quiet, but most people would say it's at a normal level — for him, anyways. He knows Sungchan still hears him over the loud noise of the heater. He always does.

Sungchan shifts to drive and the truck starts moving. "Well, it's your lucky day. I got a couch waiting just for you at my house."

Anton closes his eyes. This is mostly the reason why Sungchan annoys him so much ; he's simply so, so kind. He wishes the older man had an ulterior motive or something, so he could paint him out to be this horrible person he's supposed to be, but he just isn't. His eyes are too big, and there's too much honesty in them. It makes Anton feel sick to his stomach.

That's why he's currently ignoring his gaze, still looking out the window. Sungchan seems to take his silence as hesitation.

"Or you can take my bed. The couch is fine for me."

Anton clenches his jaw, and the fabric of the hoodie crinkles under the pressure of his tightening fists. He wants to tell Sungchan to shut up, to stop being so nice, but forces himself not to. He's not usually so aggressive, and even if he went to say those words, his tone wouldn't match the venom in them. He's too soft-spoken, and he could never raise his voice at Sungchan.

The thing is, Sungchan gives too much. And Anton is greedy when he doesn't strain himself not to be. If he latches on to the ray of sun Sungchan offers to him, he'll end up bathing in it and burning himself to ashes. Because he can't enjoy anything without there being repercussions, that's just the way of his life.

He smiles a little bit, more to convince himself that everything is fine than anything else. "I don't wanna sleep in your nasty bed."

There's a teasing tint to the way he says it. That's usually how their conversations go (the few times they happen) : Sungchan teases and Anton teases back, or vice versa. That way, it's easy to pretend there's no real intent to the way they speak to one another. They can say anything, and it's fine, no matter if there's a bit of truth in there or not.

Sungchan chuckles lowly, and it fills Anton with warmth. It's embarrassing to think he still reacts like this, but at least, he can hope Sungchan doesn't notice. "My bed is very clean, I'll let you know. It's very comfy, too, but," He pauses, and Anton guesses he's doing some kind of gesture like shrugging. He's still not looking, so he can't be sure. "I guess you'll never know, hm?"

It's clear he's using Anton's sarcastic remark as an attempt to lighten up the atmosphere, and Anton's thankful for it. He's just too tired, so when he smiles, he can't bother for it to reach his eyes.

Sungchan must notice. He always fucking does. "You're not looking at me." His tone loses its humorous glint, becoming monotone. It's an observation more than a scolding.

Anton turns his face even more out of the other's sight, gulping as quietly as he can. He doesn't know why he feels the need to explain himself.

"I don't want you to see me like this." He confesses.

He shouldn't be so honest, he knows it, but it's not easy. Not when Sungchan is giving him the opportunity to open himself to him without any threat of judgment.

Sungchan makes it so easy, but so hard at the same time.

Anton hears Sungchan breath out. In conflict, he breathes in, tense. He doesn't know what to expect as an answer.

"Well, I don't like seeing you like this." Now it's Sungchan's turn to confess, but he sounds much more confident. Like it's an obvious, effortless thing to say. It shouldn't be. "But I hate it even more when you hide yourself from me."

Why? Why do you care? Anton wants to ask, but he realizes he doesn't want an answer. Sungchan is too genuine for his own good, and it will only leave the both of them with the kind of lingering regret you can't get off your skin no matter how hard you try to scrub it off. Some things are better left unsaid.

So, Anton doesn't say anything. If he does, he'll say something he shouldn't. But, at the same time, he shouldn't even be here in the first place, on his way to Sungchan's house. He's not sure what he would consider an act of treason, but he has the idea that, for Eunseok, this is exactly one. This is probably the worst possible thing he could do behind Eunseok's back, and he's doing it now, with close to no shame. It isn't his fault that Eunseok's hands burn, while Sungchan's heal.

He doesn't know when this rivalry between the two of them started. Shotaro had explained it to him once, but it's all vague. Family affairs, stolen money, ruined reputations. Somehow, it's all linked to Sungchan.

By the way Eunseok talked of Sungchan, he was supposed to be this deceitful, egocentric person who would stab someone in the back with no hesitation if he could get something in return. That's the farthest from the Sungchan Anton knows.

He also doesn't know how or when he started to be this acquainted to Sungchan. He's not sure how they have become so familiar to each other that he can recognize Sungchan's emotional state by the sound of his breathing alone. Irregular when he's upset, a beat faster when he's nervous. When he doesn't know how to discuss a sensitive topic, it becomes sharp.

He doesn't even know how to describe the kind of relationship they share. All the lines are blurry. Maybe it's better that way.

In the end, they shouldn't be sharing anything at all.

And, in the end, Eunseok is his family. And Anton is the one currently stabbing him in the back.

Sungchan is still waiting for an answer.

The sound of the heater is so loud it could almost drown Anton's voice. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry." Sungchan quickly refutes. It sounds like an command. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

The invite is too easy to accept, it almost feels like the apple in the Garden of Eden. So tempting to reach for, but unquestionably deadly. It's a gift that reveals itself to be poisonous only when you bite into it.

Anton's mouth moves before he can think of it. "I got into an argument with Eunseok. We both said some pretty nasty things to each other. I ran off."

When he puts it like that, he sounds like a petulant child who sneaked out because he got into a petty fight with his brother. Although, it's not that simple. The words they exchanged tonight hurt deep, and they both know it. None of them wants to be the bigger person about it, as usual.

Sungchan hums, either to show that he's listening or to prompt him to continue talking. Anton pretends he doesn't catch the way Sungchan's grip tightens around the steering wheel, knuckles turning white.

Right. Speaking about Eunseok is probably not the thing Sungchan likes doing the most. But, well, he offered.

When the silence becomes too suffocating, Anton goes on. "Actually, I think that what makes me so mad is that everyone took his side. It's like, since he's the older one, he ultimately has the right answer. I can't ever win against him."

It might sound brutal, but that's how he truly feels. If they were to be in a race together, Eunseok would already be a mile ahead of him, while Anton is still at the starting line. It's unfair.

Sungchan hums again, and it's enough. Anton doesn't expect him to voice his input, since, if Eunseok is a sensitive topic for Anton, it certainly is also one for Sungchan. He's already thankful that the other is listening so willingly.

Getting this off his chest surprisingly helps more than he thought it would. When Anton finally turns back to Sungchan, the other's eyes are on the road, jaw locked.

He feels like he needs to fill the silence. "I—" He was about to apologize again. "Why are you awake?"

The change of topic seems to make Sungchan relax. He doesn't look like he's taking a shit anymore. "Can't sleep these days." He answers briefly. "I was working on some stuff. Got scared when I saw your message, you usually never text during the night." A small pause. "I guessed it was something urgent."

It should be alarming that Sungchan is so caring of him. Anton can't help but be pleased, though. That's what happens when you've got both mommy and daddy issues. And, well, brother issues, if that even exists. When someone gives you the tiniest bit of attention, you're tempted to gravitate towards it like a starved man discovering food for the first time in weeks. It's pathetic, but it's the result of growing up parentless.

Goosebumps spread over his skin, but he's not cold anymore. He nods, even though Sungchan isn't looking at him. "Thank you. I don't know what I would've done." Without you goes unsaid. Anton doesn't want to sound too dependent, even if that's kind of what he is in this moment.

Sungchan's eyes leave the road for a second to glance at him, and the quick look is clearly a reprimand. "Running off in the middle of town during the night." He sounds exasperated. "What were you thinking?"

Anton shrugs. "I wasn't thinking."

"Clearly."

"Okay, stop scolding me." Anton almost whines. "I had enough of that already."

Sungchan looks up at the rear view mirror and the corner of his mouth curls up into a sly smirk. "Stop being such a bad boy, then."

Anton freezes for a second, his brain going a little fuzzy. He's still fidgeting with the hoodie on his lap. "You're one to talk." He finds in himself to retort.

Sungchan's eyebrows go up until they're hidden by his bangs. "Me?" He acts shocked. "I am the purest man on earth."

Anton downright snorts. "Sure."

Sungchan offers him another glance. "See? This is what I mean. Always having something to say." He clicks his tongue disapprovingly. "You need some discipline."

It's clear teasing, but the way his voice becomes more hoarse as he finishes his sentence tempts Anton to think there's another intent behind his words. He decides he shouldn't think any more of it.

He subdues a smile. "And who's gonna teach me about discipline? You?" He humors. They're both well aware that Sungchan's reputation follows him, and if it's one thing, it certainly isn't clean.

Sungchan lets out a short laugh, a little out of breath. He tones the heater down. "Don't underestimate me. I can teach you a thing or two."

Whatever that means. "Yeah, yeah. Sure." Anton concludes. He suddenly feels tense, and by the look of Sungchan's uncovered, flexed arm (he definitely isn't looking), he's not the only one.

He decides he should talk about something else. "I can take the couch, by the way."

He imagines it to be uncomfortable and probably too small for him, but he'll work with what he can get. Taking Sungchan's bed feels like a limit they shouldn't cross. It would feel too... intimate, for some reason. And, also, he would kind of feel like an asshole if he made Sungchan sleep on his own couch.

"Whatever floats your boat." Sungchan answers lightly, before looking down on Anton's lap. "I didn't land you my hoodie for you to stretch it out with your hands. Put it on."

It's an order. Anton complies without much resentment. He drowns in it, only because Sungchan likes to wear his clothes a bit oversized for himself, and it's cozy. Anton hides his hands inside the sleeves and sniffs into the collar subtly.

He's pleased to discover it smells just like Sungchan.

𓇢𓆸

Sungchan's house is just like him : warm, surprisingly big and a bit too welcoming.

"You live here alone?" Anton asks as he takes his shoes off in the entrance. It's a bit of a stupid question, but it's also more of a way to exclaim his curiosity towards the size of this house. He wouldn't  imagine only one person living in there.

"No." Sungchan throws his truck keys somewhere, making a clink-clink-clink sound. "There's my mistress in the basement. Be careful if you meet her, she's the jealous type. She don't bite though, unless that's what you're into?"

When Sungchan turns around to gauge his reaction, Anton shakes his head and rolls his eyes at him. "Wouldn't you like to know." He says humorlessly.

Anton steps forward to explore more of the house, but Sungchan doesn't budge, which results in the both of them being too close once Anton walks past him. It only lasts a second, but it's a second too long.

"I would like to know, please." Of course, Sungchan never backs down. If anything, he adds fuel to the fire.

Anton doesn't know where the line between teasing and flirting stands. He's pretty sure he and Sungchan have been stepping dangerously close to it, if not past, but he can't find it in himself to care. It's fun, and if there's one thing Anton won't deprive himself of, it's Sungchan.

Walking deeper into the house, Anton finds the living room. It's cozy, and the couch is bigger than he expected. He seriously wonders how Sungchan can afford all of this. "Please? Are you that desperate?"

He doesn't notice how close Sungchan is standing behind him until he feels his breath tickling a bit too close to his ear. "I can be, if you want me to."

He turns around and takes a step back, faking a gag. They're both good at playing this game and acting like it doesn't truly affect neither of them. Believe it or not, as expressive as Sungchan is, he can also be stoic. Anton sometimes hopes he isn't the only one faking it.

He looks around again, distracted by, well, everything. It's so weird to be in Sungchan's space, where he lives everyday. To see what he's surrounded by in the comfort of his home, it's like discovering a new side of him. Anton likes it.

He looks at the big TV hanging on the wall. "How can you afford all of this?" He voices his thoughts.

Sungchan follows his gaze, and then walks off to grab what Anton guesses is the TV controller. "Now, wouldn't you like to know." He points it towards the screen and it turns on, pitch black becoming a mingle of brights colors and cartoony graphics. What seems to be a children's movie is playing on it.

Anton leans on one foot, folding his arms over his chest. "Stop trying to be mysterious. It's not as hot as you think it is."

Sungchan flinches exaggeratedly and makes a show of putting a hand over his heart like he's been struck. "Ouch. You know how to hit where it hurts, don't you?"

He's clearly being sarcastic.

Anton really tries not to laugh, but he ends up snorting anyways. It's too hard to stay serious with Sungchan when he puts on this foolish, easy-going facade. It's endearing. Kind of.

Sungchan looks down at Anton's vintage, ripped jeans. "I'll land you some sweatpants, yeah? Wait here." He says before leaving the living room, as if Anton had anywhere else to go.

He stays right where he is, tempted to sit on the couch. But, remembering where he sat earlier on the dirty ground, he probably shouldn't. He kind of wants to follow where Sungchan went, most-likely to his bedroom. Only because he's curious to see what it looks like, nothing else.

After a minute, Sungchan comes back with a pair of black sweatpants. He throws it at Anton. "The bathroom's this way." He points to his right.

Anton follows the direction he was given until he finds a half-opened door, entering the bathroom and closing the door behind himself. He's a bit surprised Sungchan trusts him enough to let him wander around his house like that, but again, he's not sure what he would do if he had bad intentions. He could steal some stuff, but he can be too clumsy and his hands are too slippery, Sungchan would definitely catch him.

He doesn't intend on doing any of that, anyways. Sungchan was nice enough to grab him off the street and give him a shelter for the night, which isn't exactly free of any consequences. If Eunseok were to find out, Anton doesn't even want to imagine what he'd do. He wonders if Sungchan is aware of that fact, and if he's willingly taking the risk for Anton's sake. (Deep down, Anton knows he has to).

He isn't surprised to see the sweatpants fit him almost perfectly. They both have long legs, so it makes sense. Weirdly, it feels a bit too pleasant to be covered by Sungchan's clothes. Anton needs to stop thinking.

He goes back to the living room and throws his jeans next to the couch, where he finds Sungchan sitting down.

Sungchan looks up at him. "On a scale of one to ten, how tired are you?"

Anton finds he isn't nearly as tired as he was earlier. He shrugs. "Like, five? I don't know, I'm definitely not as tired now... My body is tired, but my mind is wide awake."

"We can watch something to change your mind, if you want." He offers, tapping on the empty space next to him. Ugh. There he goes again, being so kind.

It's infuriating.

Anton scratches behind his head, stalling. He never asked Sungchan to make him feel better, but he still suggests to do so, which makes it seem like it's coming from a place of genuine interest instead of pity. Sungchan wants to make him feel better. Anton wonders what's the reason behind it.

Nevertheless, it's not a bad idea. "Okay." He nods, and then goes to sit next to Sungchan.

The couch is big, but there's only a few centimeters separating them. Anton likes it better that way. Sungchan radiates warmth.

With the TV controller in hand, Sungchan leaves the current channel to go to Netflix. "What do you want to watch?"

"Anything." Anton answers, sinking into the plush of the backrest. He was so wrong, this couch is unsettingly comfortable. "I might fall asleep." He warns.

Sungchan lifts his arm up to lay it on the backrest, behind Anton's head. "Be my guest." He mutters, his eyes not leaving the screen.

Oh, so that's how he's going to play. Anton can play too.

He tries not to visibly react, even though his heartbeat has considerably quickened. He sinks even more into the couch, acting nonchalant. This is different. They aren't having a random conversation on the side of the street. They're in Sungchan's house and Anton is spending the night.

He shivers at the thought.

Sungchan puts a movie on. When Anton recognizes it, he cranes his neck to look up at Sungchan.

"Scream?" He questions.

Sungchan has to look down to meet his eyes. "What? You don't like horror movies?"

Anton hates them. "No." He still argues stubbornly. "I can watch them just fine."

When Sungchan keeps looking at him, unconvinced, Anton breaks their eye contact to look back at the screen. "It's an old movie."

Sungchan shrugs, and the couch shakes a bit under the movement. "It's a classic."

They go silent as the movie plays, and at the first jumpscare, Anton flinches. He can hear Sungchan's quiet laugh.

He looks back up to send him (what he hopes is) a menacing glare. "What are you laughing at?" His voice doesn't sound intimidating, but, well. It's the thought that counts.

"Nothing." Sungchan blatantly lies, still trying to hide his laugh. When he tones it down, he flicks his chin towards the TV. "Keep watching."

Anton does, a bit jumpy. Usually, horror movies make it hard for him to sleep afterwards, but there's definitely scarier movies than Scream. Still, Anton's kind of a coward when it comes to these things, so he's still relatively scared. He already knows he's going to be imagining that ghostface mask and the possibility of it jumping at him from every corner when he closes his eyes before he drifts off to sleep.

At some point, his head falls to the side until it lays on Sungchan's chest. They must've gotten even closer, because they're physically touching now, but Anton finds he doesn't mind. (If he wasn't such a coward, he would admit to himself that he enjoys it.)

Sungchan is so warm, and he's so soft, and Anton can hear his heartbeat through the fabric of his T-shirt. It feels a little too natural to be so close to Sungchan's heart.

It's vulnerable. It feels right.

Sungchan doesn't seem to mind either, since he doesn't move. If he's uncomfortable with their position, he does nothing to make Anton know. Like always, he welcomes him like it's the easiest thing in the world.

After the opening scene, Anton is able to enjoy the movie without jumping as much, since it doesn't get that scary yet. He's never seen these movies, because he isn't a fan of horror, but it's such a classic that some things are familiar. When it does start to get scary again, Anton cowers as an attempt to get further from the screen and therefore gets even closer to Sungchan.

There's no point in hiding it anymore, Sungchan definitely has noticed that Anton is scared. So, when there's another jumpscare, Anton shamelessly hides his face against Sungchan's chest. It shakes in rhythm with Sungchan's chuckles.

"Shut up." Anton groans at the fact that he's being laughed at, although he doesn't really care. He's fighting a smile himself. "This is embarrassing."

He feels a hand setting on top of his head, lightly stroking his hair. "You're cute." Anton can hear the smile in Sungchan's voice, and he groans even louder.

"Stop." He cries, face heating up. Sungchan's never going to let him live this down.

Sungchan doesn't stop giggling. "Should I stop the movie?"

"No." Anton answers immediately, but also, he'll keep embarrassing himself like this if they keep watching. "Maybe."

Sungchan snorts and grabs the TV controller to pause the movie. Anton tries not to focus too much on the feeling of his fingers carding through his hair. It makes him feel all putty and a bit dizzy.

He leans into the touch, and Sungchan scratches harder. Anton has to quiet the whine it builds up.

Of course, Sungchan has to tease. "I didn't know you were such a—"

"Don't say it." Anton cuts him off, cuddling closer. He feels Sungchan freeze a little, but it lasts long enough for him to wonder if he imagined it.

The older man keeps playing with his hair, hand slowly going down the back of his neck, and Anton sighs in appreciation. "I could fall asleep like this."

Sungchan only hums, staying consistent with his movements. Like he's trying to take Anton down.

It works wonders, making Anton flutter his eyelashes until he closes his eyes, bathing in the feeling. This is the most vulnerable he's ever been with Sungchan, and with his head getting all foggy, his brain-to-mouth filter doesn't work as well as it usually does.

The room is filled with deafening silence, which makes Anton's usually quiet voice sound loud. "I have a question."

Sungchan hums again, scratching under Anton's ear. Anton almost flinches away because of how good it feels.

"Why do you care about me so much?" The question tumbles past his lips easily, like it was meant to happen one way or another. It's the question he's been wondering all night.

It's undeniable. Sungchan cares more than he should, otherwise he wouldn't have helped Anton tonight. He wouldn't even have answered his text in the first place. And, even though Anton claims he doesn't want to know why, a small part of him can't help but be curious.

Sungchan doesn't exactly stop, but his movements get slower. He clears his throat. "I don't know. I just do."

Anton doesn't feel satisfied by that answer. It feels more like an excuse. Sungchan must understand the way he feels by his silence, because he goes on. "You're just easy to care for, you know?"

Anton doesn't know. "What does that even mean?"

It takes a few seconds for Sungchan to respond to that. "You've still got this innocence. It makes me want to make sure nothing bad happens to you."

Sungchan's voice isn't exactly loud, but most often, it's assertive and confident, leaving no place for argument. Right now, though, it's uncharacteristically quiet. Like he hopes the words aren't comprehensible to Anton. 

They are. Anton isn't sure what to make of it, but his heart softens. Sungchan is too sweet for him. He doesn't think he deserves any of it.

Instead of going down a rabbit hole of deep and restricted emotions, he decides to take the easy route. "Maybe I'm not as innocent as you think." He says teasingly.

His tone his light, but it's enough to make Sungchan stop in his movements. "Oh?"

At the lack of retort, Anton cranes his neck to look up at Sungchan. It shouldn't be surprising, because Anton is literally laying on his chest, but their faces are very close.

Anton is able to count every single one of Sungchan's eyelashes. From this close, he can admire the beautiful slope of his nose. The most doe eyes he's ever seen, crinkling under any hint of a smile. Plush, pink lips. Sungchan is so beautiful, and Anton is so, so weak.

It's too tempting, and Anton has had enough of depriving himself of what he badly wants. Maybe he isn't better than Eve, after all. Maybe no human is supposed to be.

He connects his lips to Sungchan's.

It only lasts a second, and it's a peck, but as soon as he acts, he regrets it. He withdraws, bashful of what he has just done.

Sungchan stares back at him. "I'm so sorry—"

Sungchan's hand curls around the back of his head to bring him closer again, their lips crushing like two meteors ; it's abrupt, and everything around them breaks down. It's just the both of them, breathing into one another like there's no oxygen elsewhere.

Anton hadn't realized how much he actually wanted this until now. The feeling of Sungchan holding him steadily, forcing him to stay right there, forcefully kissing him until his lips are numb, is probably the most surreal thing he's ever lived. He doesn't have a mind anymore, it's all consumed by Sungchan, Sungchan, Sungchan.

He doesn't think, he just acts. So when Sungchan's tongue breaks into his mouth, he lets it happen. When it gives a little flick, he doesn't drown out the small whine it causes. When Sungchan grabs his jaw to bring him closer, Anton let's himself be manhandled until he falls onto his lap, both of his knees digging into the cushion on his sides.

This definitely isn't Sungchan's first rodeo, but it also isn't Anton's. They mingle sweetly and, when one pushes, the other pulls. Sungchan tastes like coffee and a little bit of mint, and Anton loves both of these (which is why he licks deeper into the other's mouth — no other reason, of course).

When he drops his weight on Sungchan, maybe a little too close to his crotch, the other breaks their kiss with a gasp. "Wait— Slow down." His voice is rough without restraint, and it drives Anton closer to insanity.

Anton doesn't listen. He dives back, taking back what's offered to him on a silver platter. Now that he's had a lick of Sungchan, he wants the whole buffet. There's no greater monster than greediness, and Anton is it's victim, feeble and sick with desire. He absent-mindedly wonders who wouldn't be for Sungchan.

Sungchan lets it happen for a few seconds, but of course, he tries to take back the reins. "We should stop." He says between two unforgiving kisses, but his body language speaks the opposite : he grabs Anton by the waist without exactly imposing force on him, like he's battling with himself over which direction he should go — if he should also bite into the apple or not. His voice is broken, and he almost sounds like he's begging Anton to stop for the both of them.

Anton is such a bad man. "I don't want to." When he goes to kiss him again, Sungchan bites his bottom lip cruelly, and Anton bites back. Push and pull.

Sungchan breaks their kiss again, but this time, it's to kiss down Anton's throat. "You're so bad at listening." He groans, and Anton almost wants to laugh at the fact that, even in this situation, Sungchan still finds it in himself to scold him.

Accordingly, Anton still finds it in himself to retort, "Then make me listen."

It's a challenge, it's a provocation. It's a threat as much as it's a promise. Anton knows Sungchan a little more than he should, and he knows how competitive he is. There's rarely a dare he'll ever back down from, especially if it's from Anton. They were born to compete against one another.

This time, Sungchan bites into his neck, most-likely leavind a red, purple-ish wound. He could've went harder, but it's still painful, and so Anton cries into the silence of the living room. Like an apology, Sungchan kisses him lightly on the spot where he previously bit before going back up.

When their lips are at the same level again, Anton relishes in the way they meet each other halfway, finding themselves in another fervent kiss that relieves the tension that has been building up between the both of them for all this time. It's a bit of a mess, a clash of teeth, tongues and spit, but it's so undeniably good that is makes Anton's legs shake around Sungchan's hips. He doesn't understand how he could've ever wanted to deprive himself of this.

He messes up Sungchan's hair while the other's grip is still on his waist, hesitant. Anton kind of wants to break his barriers by grinding his hips down onto him to get a reaction, so he does exactly that.

"Anton." Sungchan groans again, stopping Anton's movements by grabbing his hips and restraining them. His grip is strong, and it only succeeds to make Anton even more desperate. "I'm serious, this isn't a good idea."

As if Anton wasn't overly aware of that. Another whine builds up in his throat, but he still has a small portion of self-esteem yet, so he swallows it down. He wants Sungchan, and he's almost sure that Sungchan wants him back as much. It drives him crazy that, even with a willing Anton on his lap, he still refrains himself from going against reason. Because what they're doing right now definitely isn't reasonable. Maybe that's part of why it feels so good.

When he goes upright to put some distance between them, he's welcomed by the sight of his wrongdoings. Sungchan's mop of hair is a pure mess, every strand going in a different direction, his lips now a bitten red and his pupils blown out. His face has gotten pinker from heat. Anton probably doesn't look much different.

"Do you not want this?" He asks, a bit defiant. It's not a real question, Anton can see how much Sungchan is holding himself back from taking what he wants by the way he's gritting his teeth. It's, once again, a provocation.

Sungchan grips a little harder on his hips. "That's not the point, and you know it."

He does. It doesn't mean he can't be a little shit about it. "Then, what are you waiting for?"

Sungchan closes his eyes and his mouth stretches into a grin, a chuckle of disbelief escaping past his lips. He looks a little insane. "You're out of your mind." He states, like he knows him better than Anton knows himself. "You're not thinking—"

"I've never been so fucking conscious in my life." Anton cuts off, and he'd be taken aback by his own terse tone if he wasn't so deadset on bringing Sungchan down with him. "I know exactly what I'm doing, and what I want, and it's you. All of it. How can I make you understand?"

He supports his own words by grinding down again, and he feels himself getting all hot when he watches Sungchan's head fall back on the backrest, adam's apple bobbing. Sungchan buckles up only for a second, before restraining himself again. Anton is just about to beg for it.

"You're killing me." Sungchan whines lowly, hands leaving Anton's hips to caress his back under his shirt. A hint of him starting to break down. Anton grabs onto it and pulls with all his might.

"Stop talking." He says before diving back into every flavor that Sungchan can offer. He licks into his mouth and, when their tongues collide, they both moan in unison.

Sungchan's hands find their place around Anton's waist, and this time, when Anton grinds down on him, he doesn't do anything to stop it.

"What do you want?" Sungchan asks the second there's space for them to breathe, voice groggy with intoxication.

Anton wants it all, but he'll take what Sungchan gives him.

"Anything." He replies, a few seconds away from losing his mind. "Just— Please."

"Okay." Sungchan nods instantly, and his hands travel down until he's grabbing Anton under his thighs. "Hold onto me."

That's all the warning he gets before Sungchan gets up and brings Anton with him, and Anton barely has the time to react and put his arms around his shoulders, hiding his face into his neck. Anton is pretty big himself, and the sole fact that Sungchan is able to carry his weight almost makes him black out for a second. It's a clear display of strength, and it's a bit too effective.

"Show off." He whispers into Sungchan's ear to set him off a little more, and the other only smiles unashamedly. The bastard.

He doesn't know where they're going, but he can only guess it's Sungchan's room. He's proved right when he's being launched on a bed, an oof dragged out of his mouth. He'd love to take his time to admire everything that's laid out on the walls, only if he had his priorities set differently.

Before he can even complain about being thrown like a bag of garbage, Sungchan joins him on the bed and consumes him until Anton is entirely surrounded by Sungchan's arms, Sungchan's legs, Sungchan's face. There's no escape, and even if there was one, Anton would play blind gleefully.

It's when Sungchan starts to kiss down his neck again that Anton realizes how warm he is. Too uncomfortable, he grabs the hem of Sungchan's hoodie on top of his own shirt and tries to take it off. Sungchan must notice, because he helps him until there's no fabric left on his upper body.

Sungchan looks down at him. "You're so beautiful." He whispers on Anton's mouth, leaving the ghost of a kiss before going back down. He mouths and licks on his way, from Anton's throat to his chest, causing Anton to twitch and arch at every single touch. When he drags his tongue over one of his nipples, Anton throws his head back and moans.

Sungchan keeps tasting him until he's satiated, biting at his neck carefully not to leave marks — except the one from earlier, it's definitely going to bloom.

"Stay there." Sungchan kisses his jaw before there's no more trace of him on Anton. Anton is convinced that Sungchan doesn't really think he'll go anywhere, he just loves to order him around. Anton can't complain.

The ceiling is all blurred out, and Anton doesn't even try to look at what Sungchan is doing. He's gone, but he can still recognize the sound of a drawer being slammed open.

Oh god, this is really happening.

When Sungchan comes back with a small bottle of lube, Anton stares at it. Probably for a beat too long, because Sungchan makes him look up to him with a gentle hand under his chin.

"You okay?" He asks, too much worry in his tragically big eyes. It makes Anton want to tear his own guts out of his body until there's nothing left for him to feel.

Anton nods, hoping he looks as assured as he feels. "How are we doing this?"

Sungchan opens his mouth dumbly, before he can finally get a word out. "I-I mean, however you want," Oh god, he's stuttering. "But, I kinda really wanna fuck you."

Anton bursts out a giggle, face heating up. This is far from a laughing matter, but he would've never imagined to be able to find Sungchan cute in a situation like this. He's still incredibly turned on, though. If anything, it's even hotter to see Sungchan being so desperate for it.

Anton isn't any better, though. He nods a bit too eagerly. "Yeah. Yeah, okay."

He realizes that, while he's half naked, Sungchan is still fully dressed, so he grabs his shirt and pulls at it. Sungchan gets the message, removing the fabric in a swift movement before discarding it on the ground somewhere. When Sungchan falls into him to kiss him numb, Anton lets his hands wander everywhere, from his abs to the small of his back, leaving goosebumps on their way. He hums appreciatively and plays with Sungchan's belt.

He doesn't remember the last time he was such a horndog. Usually, he's shy about this, hesitant to pull any moves on the other person which often makes it seem like he's inexperienced. Again, he tries not to think about how easy it is with Sungchan. Every act doesn't come from his brain, but purely from his desperation and desire for the other.

(It should be alarming. Anton ignores that, too.)

This situation could be less morally wrong if he at least imagined someone else on top of him. If his needs were merely primal, with no strings of any sort. He can't, though, not when Sungchan is so thoroughly gorgeous in and out, every gasp and groan pulled out of him a soft melody to Anton's ears.

Sungchan takes care of taking his own pants off, and then Anton's. When he puts his hand on his boxers, he bites Anton's earlobe lightly and asks, "Can I?"

Anton's never had someone ask this much for consent during sex. It's sweet, he thinks. Especially when it's Sungchan, with his big hands and strong arms, who could probably pin him down and make him take it if he wanted to. Anton kind of hopes he eventually does that.

"Yes." When Anton answers, Sungchan slides the boxers off his legs, and when his eyes stay locked on his crotch, Anton blushes profusely. "Stop staring at it—"

Whatever he was going to say dies in the back of his throat when Sungchan dives down and takes a few licks around his shaft, preventing him from bucking up with his hands on his hips. When he takes it into his mouth and starts bobbing up and down, Anton tries to muffle his whimper with a hand on his mouth.

Sungchan keeps working on him relentlessly, and Anton's attempts to shy away fall short thanks to Sungchan's bruising grip around his hips, forcing him to stay there. He trashes around and grabs at the mattress under him, unable to stay still because it's too much.

"S-Stop." Anton stammers out, gasping for air. "I won't last later if you keep going."

Sungchan gets off of him, much more composed than Anton is, and crawls up the bed so they're face to face. He strokes Anton's cheek softly and draws nearer to kiss him languidly. It should be disgusting, since Sungchan had him in his mouth a second and a half ago, but Anton moans pitifully as he kisses back, running his hands through Sungchan's hair.

Sungchan's hands roam over his waist, almost caging him against the bed, and it sets Anton's whole body on fire. Anton is big, but he feels small under Sungchan, small enough to be hidden from the wounding world around them. That way, he can pretend he isn't bleeding out, too consumed by Sungchan's body, by Sungchan's scent. He can pretend there's nothing waiting for him outside, and in this moment, it's only the both of them sharing something so dangerously intimate.

"Open your legs for me." Sungchan whispers against his ear, and Anton's body works on command before he can even fully understand what he's been told. He opens his legs for Sungchan to settle against the inside of his thighs, like it's his place to take. Like a form of gratefulness, he kisses under Anton's jaw and smothers him with doting caresses on his legs.

Sungchan takes the bottle of lube. "When was the last time you've done something like this?" He asks carefully.

Anton tries to gather what's left of his sanity to construct somewhat of a logical thought around this question. It's been too long. "I don't remember."

Sungchan nods. He takes ahold of Anton's leg and lifts it up a little bit. "I'll be careful, then."

Anton sighs out a shaky breath as Sungchan pours lube on his fingers, rubbing it in his hand to make it warmer. He soothes Anton's thigh by drawing small circles on his skin with his thumb. It does help to calm his nerves down.

The first finger is, most often, the least pleasant. It's uncomfortable and, since Anton is nervous, his body rejects the intrusion. He's too tight, and Sungchan can definitely tell by the way he frowns.

When Sungchan starts moving around to loosen him up, Anton can't quiet his own hiss. "Are you okay?" He asks, halting his movements.

Anton nods, strained. "Sorry, it's been a little while."

Sungchan shakes his head. "It's fine." He assures before lowering to kiss him, probably as a form of distraction. It's not a bad idea. Anton opens his mouth and lets Sungchan take the lead, trying to relax as much as he can.

Eventually, Sungchan adds another finger, and Anton whines quietly into their kiss. "You're doing good." Sungchan assures, before going back to kiss him dumb again.

It does still hurt, but the pleasure is starting to bloom, abrupt and spiking in his core. He opens his legs wider and arches against the mattress, crying out Sungchan's name.

Sungchan leaves fluttering kisses against his neck, fingering him at a medium pace while his other hand strokes his hip in encouragement. Anton isn't really paying attention ; it's a bit embarrassing how gone he is already.

When Sungchan adds a third finger, Anton isn't expecting it, and it's a bit more sudden than the previous times. He moans again, and only now realizing how uncharacterictically loud he's gotten, hides his face into his arms.

Sungchan takes none of it, removing his arms off and forcing his mouth open with a kiss. Anton can barely kiss back, all kinds of sounds pulled out of him in pleasure.

"I love hearing you." Sungchan thrusts his fingers harder, playing him like an instrument, and Anton sings for him in return. Anton doesn't know if these words are for him to hear or only for Sungchan himself. Either way, it's clear he wants him to stop silencing himself.

Anton whines into Sungchan's mouth as he gets fingered, the tempo quickening hastily. He moans until his voice breaks, and it's all too much to take in. They've lost the goal here, Sungchan is trying to take him down more than he's prepping him. At this point, Anton gets worried he might come too fast.

"I'm ready." He gets out between two cries, holding into Sungchan's arm like an anchor. Sungchan nods absently before getting his fingers out and wiping them against his bedsheets. Anton feels weirdly empty all of a sudden.

He watches as Sungchan gets out of his briefs, putting a condom on — Anton didn't even notice he had grabbed one — and using the lube again to slick himself up. Anton stares, probably with less shame than he should have. But well, Sungchan did the same, so he can't find it in himself to care.

If Anton could find his words, he'd probably call Sungchan beautiful, too.

While Anton expects him to get on top of him again, Sungchan only stays there, sat back on the bed, looking at Anton while he strokes himself. It causes a shiver to spread all across Anton's body.

"Get on your stomach." He eventually says, and Anton's breath cuts off for a second. Face red, he complies, using his strenght to turn around and lay on his stomach. He hears Sungchan shuffling closer and bites his lip in apprehension.

He gets manhandled into being on his knees while his chest stays on the bed, Sungchan hovering behind him. Sungchan gives him one last kiss on the back of his neck and puts one hand around his hip, the other on the bed next to Anton to keep himself up. "I'm going in."

His voice is rougher than Anton's ever heard it before, low and raspy like he's dehydrated. Anton wonders if he's the one who has this effect on him, or if it's just sex in general. Logically, it would be better if it was the latter, but Anton still hopes for the first option.

He first feels the tip of Sungchan's dick press up against his entrance, and then he feels it inside, intruding and consuming every single one of Anton's senses. It's suffocating, as much as it's overwhelming and new, and it hurts but it also feels so good that Anton grabs at the bedsheets like his life depends on it, sobbing into the mattress.

Sungchan praises him when he's completely in, his hipbones flush against Anton's ass. Anton is overcome by a mix of pleasure and discomfort, because, well, everything about Sungchan is big, that he's learned. Even when he shadows Anton's similar frame, Anton feels smaller than he really is.

He can hear Sungchan's unstable breath behind him, and when he deems they have waited long enough, Anton grunts, "You can move."

Sungchan embraces him from behind as he fucks into him, and Anton sobs against the bed again, overstimulated. It might be from taking too long to prep Anton, or just waiting too long for them to be here, in Sungchan's bed in general, but Sungchan doesn't wait for Anton to adjust. He thrusts in and out with no mercy, so much that Anton wonders if he has lost his mind. It's far from the Sungchan who asked him if he could take his underwear off earlier. Even further from the one who tried to stop this from happening in the first place.

"Sungchan." Anton's whines are muffled by the mattress, his face pressed deeper into it every time Sungchan thrusts harder. Sungchan moans into his neck and Anton feels the vibrations against his skin. There's not one single place on his body where he isn't tainted by Sungchan, and he shouldn't be so thrilled by it.

"Fuck," Sungchan groans back, gasping at a particular thrust. "Anton."

When he finds Anton's prostate, Anton shakes against him and cries exceptionally high. If Sungchan wasn't holding him by the hips, he would've most-likely fallen like a lifeless mass of body.

It must be clear to Sungchan, because he keeps fucking him in that exact angle, his moans getting a little whinier each time. He bites into Anton's neck purposefully and Anton tightens around him as a repayment, which causes Sungchan to stutter in his movements and cry into Anton's neck.

When Anton reaches for him, Sungchan gets even closer and kisses him lightly on the cheek. It's a clear contrast to how he shakes Anton's body every time he fucks into him.

For some time, there's only the sound of their bodies colliding into each other, their grunts and whines, and the loud buzzing in Anton's head. He's there, but he doesn't feel present. He feels like every knot and thread in his body is being wholeheartedly unlaced by Sungchan, and he's only there to take it.

"Please," He starts begging, he doesn't even know why. "Please, please, please."

It's so pitiful, it should be affecting his pride, but there's nothing Anton cares about other than Sungchan right now. Sungchan, who's inside of him. Sungchan, who's making him feel the most amount of pleasure he has in months. Sungchan.

Sungchan keeps his rhythm, but he still manages to sound worried when he says, "Anton, you're crying."

He hadn't noticed. He can't even understand how Sungchan did from behind him, but now that he can feel the heavy tears wetting his face and tainting the sheets of a darker shade, he cries even harder.

Sungchan slows down until he comes to a complete stop, and Anton whines at the lost of pleasure. "No! Don't stop, please don't stop."

Sungchan doesn't sound convinced. "But you—"

"Sungchan, please." Anton cuts off. "I'm crying because it feels good, I swear."

"Are you sure—"

"Keep going, I need you, please." He babbles everything that comes to his mind in hopes of convincing Sungchan, rubbing his hips against the other's.

Sungchan moans. "Okay, okay."

He goes back to his previous pace, fucking into Anton with forceful thrusts and keeping a tight grip on his hips (that Anton kind of hopes will leave a mark). Anton whines in both relief and gratification, and when Sungchan's face comes close again, he turns his head and tries to kiss him.

It's messy, and their lips disconnect when Sungchan thrusts too hard, but it still satiates Anton. To feel Sungchan so close, so willing to make him feel good. It drives him a little crazy.

"So good." Sungchan leaves him to hide into his neck, and his pace gets faster. "You're so good."

Anton moans as an answer, losing what's left of his composure. When Sungchan's thrusts become erratic, he struggles to breathe. "Oh, God." He cries in vain.

"I'm close, fuck." Sungchan lets him know. Anton feels it building up too.

Before he can think of jerking himself off, Sungchan does it for him. He uses his hand that's holding him up, which causes his weight to fall onto Anton, and reaches for Anton's dick trapped between his abs and the bedsheets. Anton sobs pathetically in overstimulation, blacking out for a second while he feels himself getting closer to the edge.

He comes as Sungchan does, the both of them groaning until they spill everything they have left. Sungchan stays hidden in Anton's neck while Anton reaches for him behind himself. As soon as they come down from their high, they both collapse on the bed, Sungchan dragging himself off Anton so he doesn't suffocate him.

Silence. Only the sound of them catching their breath in unison. Anton, for once can't overthink about this, because he's too busy regaining his senses.

Exhaustion takes over before he can even think of anything at all. When his eyes meet Sungchan's, the other is grinning at him.

"You look fucked out."

Anton makes a sound between a scoff and a sigh. "Fuck off."

Sungchan laughs as he gets off the bed, leaving Anton with his thoughts. All he can really think of is his drying tears and the drying come on his stomach, really. And how numb his lower body feels.

Sungchan comes back with towels and no condom. Anton guesses he got rid of it in the meantime. This time, when he settles next to Anton, he doesn't get too close as he wipes his legs and stomach. Like they weren't more than close a few seconds ago.

Anton can't help but think it comes from a good place. Sungchan is probably being cautious because, even if they had sex, it doesn't mean Anton wants him close during the aftermath. He's always so careful.

The silence is comfortable before Sungchan speaks up. "How do you feel?"

Anton stares at the ceiling. "I don't feel." He answers honestly.

Sungchan snorts, and when he's done cleaning him, his hand remains on his waist. He leaves a soft caress but stops abruptly, like he's realizing what he's doing. He takes his hand back.

"We can talk tomorrow." He concludes as he gets up to put his briefs back on.

Tomorrow.

Anton hums as an answer. When Sungchan puts on comfortable clothes and throws Anton's previous ones at his face, Anton grabs them and tries putting them on as best as he can. He wonders how long is ass is going to hurt after this.

Sungchan joins him on the bed, and they pull the bedsheets over themselves. Even with all these layers of clothes on, Anton is still cold.

"Sungchan?" He calls out quietly, and the other looks at him with those big, overly emotional eyes. If Anton wasn't excruciatingly tired, they would make him sick. He's embarrassed when he asks, "Can you hold me?"

Of course, Sungchan never declines. "Of course." He mutters, and invites Anton to cuddle up in his chest. Anton does so, a bit shy, until he realizes it's useless to care. They just had sex, cuddling shouldn't be so difficult.

Although, sex is sex. There never has to be affection tangled in it. Cuddling, on the other hand...

"Goodnight." Sungchan whispers against Anton's forehead. It tickles a little bit.

It's so cozy and warm. Anton drifts off to sleep before he can say anything back.

𓇢𓆸

Anton wakes up in cold sweat.

He doesn't remember dreaming at all, let alone having a nightmare, but he wakes up as such. He gasps with the kind of panic that blares siren into his brain, until he remembers where he is and who he's with.

Oh, what has he done.

He can feel Sungchan's weight behind him, his arm laid on his waist. He doesn't know what time it is, but it's still early morning, since the sun hasn't rose yet. He must have slept barely over an hour.

His head has cleared, though, no signs of lusty clouds fuzzing his brain up. When he thinks of his previous actions, his blood runs cold.

He needs to get out of here.

He softly takes ahold of Sungchan's arm to get it off of him, breath shaky in fear of waking him up. When he's free, he slowly leaves the bed, careful not to make any sudden movement that could betray him.

He can't help but think he's an horrible person, and he has half the mind not to let himself cry right now. He's so horrible, to both Sungchan and Eunseok.

Oh, God, Eunseok. What would he think?

He can never know about this, that's for sure. Sungchan would be a dead man walking, and Anton would be labelled as a traitor. He feels even worse when he thinks about how he dragged Sungchan with him, blinded by his desires. At least, Sungchan tried to fight it off.

It's too late to erase the mistakes they have done. All Anton can do now is run away.

He doesn't even grab his pants in the living room. He keeps Sungchan's hoodie and pants, and he tries to find his way back to the entrance. He never understood why people would have such big houses, especially Sungchan, who seems to live alone. He still doesn't know how he has all this in his possession, and by the way Sungchan had reacted when he had asked, it's clear he has some stuff he seems to hide from Anton.

Anton can't blame him. He's always had the same problem of being stuck as his brother's shadow, and at the end of the day, he will always be Eunseok's brother more than his own identity.

When Anton finds the door, he puts his shoes on as quietly as he can. He doesn't know how well sounds carry themselves in this house. Considering its size, the echo should be pretty effective.

He puts his hand on the doorknob and stops. He breathes in. He breathes out.

Is he really about to do this?

Leaving Sungchan after a night together like this feels extremely wrong. Sungchan, who's so kind and sensitive, at least when it comes to Anton. Unless the personality he's shown to him was only a facade to hide his real face, this would hurt him for sure.

The doorknob in his hand feels like a knife stabbed into a door. Will he turn the knife to make the pain worse, or not?

He thinks about Eunseok. He can't betray him — except he already has. Is it any use to try and make it better by running away? Does he truly care of Eunseok's opinion, or is it just to heal his poisoned conscience? He wonders how he'll be able to look into his brother's eyes after this.

Anton sighs and closes his eyes. He lets go of the doorknob.

He's done enough. It's time to go home, he thinks.

He grabs onto the knob again and turns the knife. When the door opens, the cold wind feels like a slap in the face. He deserves it.

Anton steps out of the house and closes the door gently, hoping it doesn't stir an unsuspecting Sungchan from his unconsciousness.

Just like that, he's back in the cold streets. Except this time, he has Sungchan's hoodie to keep him warm. And Sungchan's fingerprints, all over the most sacred places of his body ; only a memory for him to keep until he sees Sungchan again. If he sees Sungchan again. 

The smaller, logical part of him hopes he doesn't while, like always, the bigger part is greedy. He wonders which one will win this time.