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Elsa and Anna’s parents died almost precisely between Elsa’s mid-year 18th birthday and Anna’s 16th birthday in December. They had gone on a holiday to Europe, since their eldest was now 18 and therefor responsible enough to look after her sister at home and their plane suffered engine failure and gone down in the mountains between France and Spain.
Their parents’ friend Gerda had moved into the family house for nearly two months. Elsa had become Anna’s legal guardian, and had inherited half of their parents’ estate and become executor of Anna’s half. But as the end of the year was rolling around, Elsa had come to the realisation that they couldn’t afford to keep living in the family home.
They had sold the house and with the half of the estate that she could easily access, Elsa had bought a townhouse in Fairfield, not far from the station. It was a nice, cosy little place with cream-painted walls and freshly steam-cleaned grey carpets in the living room and upstairs.
The kitchen, dining and living rooms were conjoined and big front windows let in a lot of light and a view of the tiny front yard and the fence around the house next to the lot of townhouses. Stairs led up to two bedrooms, one slightly bigger than the other, and the toilet and bathroom.
Gerda and Kai, another family friend, helped the sisters move just a couple of days before Anna’s birthday. The older family friends mostly helped by renting a truck which Kai had the license to drive for some reason, and helping carry some of the lighter things.
Once the move was done, Anna disappeared into her room, the bigger one, closed the door and refused to re-emerge.
‘I really appreciate the help,’ Elsa told Kai and Gerda, standing in the freshly furnished living room. ‘Seriously.’
‘It’s no trouble,’ Kai assured the girl, giving her a hug.
‘You’re sure you don’t want me to stay?’ Gerda asked, giving a similar sort of hug and holding Elsa’s shoulders.
‘I appreciate the offer, Gerda,’ Elsa said. ‘But I think we want to be alone for a bit.’
‘Maybe we’ll see you for Anna’s birthday,’ Kai said.
Elsa grimaced. The two of them had always been at family events, they were almost like an aunt and uncle to the two girls, but… ‘I’ll let you know,’ Elsa said. ‘But I wouldn’t bet on it. Maybe christmas.’
Kai gave her another hug. ‘I’ll bring the birthday presents then, alright?’
‘Sure.’
‘I already bought them,’ Kai said.
‘Me too,’ Gerda said, trying for a smile.
‘Ok, we’ll see about christmas, no promises.’
‘Definitely not enough time to make a pudding,’ Gerda sighed. She gave Elsa another hug. ‘Good luck, dear. And remember you can call me any time if you need help.’
‘Same from me,’ Kai said, also going for another hug.
‘Thanks.’
After Gerda and Kai had left, Elsa climbed the stairs and knocked on Anna’s closed door.
‘Go away.’
Elsa opened the door and, leaving the lights off and the curtains closed, climbed onto Anna’s bed. She put an arm over her sister’s waist and didn’t say anything. Anna was curled up in bed, body shaking slightly, breath ragged.
Anna didn’t move. ‘Go away.’
Elsa did not.
Eventually, Anna relaxed a little, the shaking stopped. She uncurled enough to rest her head on the pillow. She took a deep breath. ‘I don’t want to be here.’
‘I know. I don’t either.’
‘I just…’
Elsa pulled Anna closer.
***
Elsa made a chocolate and coffee cake for Anna’s birthday and they spent the day on their old couch in their new living room, watching Netflix. They cuddled, sweating in the summer heat, and it was nice.
‘What if we say that you can just up and leave whenever you want?’ Elsa said.
‘Ok, sure. But just lunch and presents.’
‘Cake?’
‘Obviously.’
Anna didn’t come down to greet Kai and Gerda when they arrived around two for christmas lunch. Elsa was in the dining room, icing the second chocolate cake of the week.
‘She’s still upset, of course,’ Elsa said, giving the family friends a quick hug each. ‘But she’ll be down for lunch and presents.’
‘And cake, presumably,’ Kai said with a wry smile.
‘Of course,’ Elsa said.
It took both Gerda and Kai several trips back and forth from their cars, parked on the street, to get all the presents they’d brought for the girls. By the time they were done, Anna was sitting on the couch with her feet tucked up next to her, sipping on a mug of very sweet coffee.
Gerda sat down next to her and gave her a hug. Kai sat in an armchair near the couch. None of them talked about it. Elsa, in the kitchen, finished making gravy for the turkey and put everything on the table.
‘Lunch is ready,’ she announced.
They had turkey, salad, roast vegetables from Gerda, a smoked ham from Kai (who had smoked it himself). The meal was quiet, none of them really talking except to ask for dishes to be passed around. But that was good enough.
After they finished eating, Anna disappeared back up to her room.
Elsa, Kai and Gerda lounged around the living room, full to the eyeballs from lunch. They chatted a little about Kai’s various projects, like ham smoking. They chatted a little about Gerda’s holiday break from teaching at primary school (the same one the girls had attended). They chatted a little about Elsa looking for work.
‘We could afford it without me working,’ Elsa said. ‘But I… I don’t know. I want to be here at least for now. Something part time.’
‘I saw the café down the street is hiring,’ Kai said, waving in the direction of the café in question and the train station.
‘I applied, but they’re closed until mid-January, so I won’t hear back until then.’
‘Is that so long?’ Gerda asked.
‘No, I think it’s fine. I can have a bit more of a break.’
‘At least while Anna’s on holiday,’ Kai said. ‘Might be a good time to stay home and get acclimated?’
Elsa shrugged. ‘She’s not a kid, Kai,’ she said. ‘I don’t have to be here all the time. Though it would be nice.’
Kai gave a little smile. ‘You’re both kids, I would say.’
‘Sure, but that’s because you’re old.’
‘Kids these days, no respect.’ Kai gave Gerda a smiling look.
Anna came back down from her room. ‘Presents?’
Elsa had done all the christmas shopping, or at least had bought the presents for Kai and Gerda. Anna and Elsa had decided not to give each other christmas presents this year.
As usual, Kai and Gerda had primarily gotten the girls food. Chocolates and lollies of various, fancy kinds, and meats, smoked and vacuum sealed. Sprinkled in where some various, useful things like a blender and an assortment of small, non-stick pots.
‘They can go in the dishwasher,’ Gerda said, approvingly, of the pots.
‘Thank you, you two,’ Anna said, giving both of them a hug. ‘Sorry I’m not… sorry I’m in a mood.’
‘You have every right to be in a mood, my dear,’ Gerda said.
‘Too right,’ Kai echoed. ‘No need to apologise.’
Anna tried to force a smile, to largely positive results. ‘Cake?’
Elsa got out the cake, another chocolate and coffee cake with cocoa whipped cream for icing and to help mellow out the intense sweetness of the cake itself.
‘It looks nicer this time,’ Anna said, sitting next to Elsa at the table.
‘Rude.’ Elsa gave her a one-armed hug. ‘But also I beat the cream a bit longer this time and let the cake cool down more first.’
‘Good stuff.’
The cake was way too rich for everyone except Anna, who was notorious for her love of extremely sweet things. She ate two, full slices to everyone else’s half. Even Kai, who loved eating, was fine with just a small piece of the cake.
‘To a less shit new year,’ Anna toasted, lifting her second mug of coffee.
Kai shrugged. ‘To a less shit new year.’
‘To a better new year,’ Gerda said.
‘Come on Gerda,’ Elsa said, raising her empty glass of water. ‘To a less shit new year.’
‘Ok, fine,’ Gerda sighed and raised her ginger beer. ‘To a less shit new year.’
‘Gottem.’ Anna too a big swig on her coffee. ‘Alright, I’m running away again. Lovely seeing the both of you.’ She got up and, taking her coffee with her, retreated to her room.
‘Lovely seeing you too,’ Gerda and Kai called after her.
Once they were gone and everything was tidied up, Elsa followed her sister up to her bedroom and lay down with her, arm over her waist.
Anna snuggled into Elsa with a deep, ragged breath. ‘I’m glad you talked me into it.’
‘Same.’
‘You don’t think they minded.’
‘I don’t.’
‘Good.’
Eventually, they both fell asleep, fully clothed, on Anna’s bed.
***
Elsa didn’t go to work on Anna’s first day back at school. She still woke up at six in the morning, only half an hour later than she normally would. Carefully, still a little new to the various creaks of the staircase down to the rest of the house, Elsa went down to the kitchen.
She made herself some tea, then made Anna some lunch for school. Then sat in the living room with the curtains open, staring vaguely at the pair of fences that were her view out of the living room.
At about seven, Elsa climbed back up the stairs, a bit less careful this time. She slid into bed with Anna, put an arm around her waist and waited to see if her sister would wake up.
Anna tensed and, without opening her eyes, said: ‘Can’t I just stay home.’
‘Sure.’
‘Really?’
‘I mean, it’s your life. I’m just your sister.’
‘Rude.’
‘I made you lunch.’
‘Thanks.’
They were quiet for a little while.
‘If you go to school, I’ll make you pancakes for breakfast,’ Elsa said.
‘Fine,’ Anna groaned.
‘Alright.’ Elsa let go of Anna.
Anna grabbed her arm. ‘Wait.’
‘Yeah?’
‘Gimme a kiss first, then I’ll get up.’
Anna rolled over and gave Elsa a look that Elsa could not decipher. Elsa kissed her on the tip of her adorable button nose. ‘Alright, get up. Weirdo.’
‘You call that a kiss?’ Anna demanded, throwing the sheets back.
‘Yes.’
‘Fine. I still get pancakes, though.’
Elsa got up. ‘You do.’
‘Chocolate chip pancakes?’
‘You’re gonna get diabetes.’
‘Not yet I won’t.’
***
‘You want anything for your birthday?’ Anna asked, from the couch, as Elsa was making dinner.
‘I didn’t get you anything.’
‘You made me a cake.’
‘Make me a cake, then. Not some chocolate monstrosity, though.’
‘Boo.’
‘Dinner’s ready.’
The dinner in question was a hot stew Elsa had made based on a YouTube video. It had mince beef, onions, garlic (obviously), tomato paste, chilli puree and some other spices to taste. They were having it with rice and homemade coleslaw.
Anna gave Elsa a hug around the side as she arrived at the dining table. ‘Thanks for making dinner.’ And she gave Elsa a kiss on the cheek.
‘Oh, no problem.’
Anna seemed to be doing that more often recently, kissing Elsa on the cheek or asking for kisses. It was nice. It hadn’t been much of a thing for the sisters before… everything. But Elsa supposed they were also spending way more time cuddling so maybe it made sense.
‘Do you want to do something with Kai and Gerda?’ Elsa asked, serving herself.
‘Hmmm.’ Anna pressed her lips together.
‘We don’t have to.’
‘I feel bad we haven’t seen them since christmas, though.’
Elsa shrugged. ‘We don’t have to only see them on special occasions.’
‘I really liked just lying around watching Netflix on my birthday,’ Anna said, then hurried to add: ‘We don’t have to do that for yours, of course. I just mean… I liked it being just the two of us, you know?’
‘Yeah. Maybe we can have lunch with them at some point.’
Anna nodded. ‘Sounds good.’ She shovelled food into her mouth.
‘Alright, it’s settled,’ Elsa said, once she’d finished her own mouthful. ‘You make me a cake, and we’ll just hang out.’
Anna nodded.
Elsa’s 19th birthday came and went. It was calm and warm and comfortable. They spent most of the day on the couch, either reading or watching Netflix or napping. It was nice. Elsa even got a birthday kiss from Anna.
***
Anna sidled up to the counter at the café where Elsa worked with a smile. It was just shy of 4pm, when the café was supposed to close. It was Anna’s first day back at school for second semester.
Elsa gave her a smile from where she was cleaning to the coffee machine. ‘What’s up, darling?’
‘I actually had an alright day at school,’ Anna said. ‘You’ve got the chemicals in that and everything, don’t you?’
‘I do indeed. I can make you a hot chocolate if you want, though.’
‘Yes. That would be amazing.’
Elsa added a few spoonfuls of hot chocolate powder to a takeaway cup, and a couple spoonfuls of sugar. She added milk and put it on the steam wand that she hadn’t gotten to yet.
‘Good day, at school?’ Elsa asked.
‘Alright day. Not bad.’
‘That’s an improvement.’
Anna shrugged. ‘There’s this new dude at school, Kristoff. He’s tall, too tall if you ask me, and blonde and dumb as bricks and he’s buff.’
Elsa’s heart sank and she decided to wonder about that later. ‘Oh yeah, you got the hots for him or something?’
‘Gross! No. He’s really nice, is all, and buff.’
Elsa’s heart rose back up maybe half way. ‘You already mentioned buff.’
‘Well…’ Anna pinched her gut, which had basically no impact because the both of them seemed to have inherited good metabolisms from their parents. ‘He said he’d take me to his gym.’
‘Oh, cool?’ Elsa couldn’t help but turn it into a question. Anna hadn’t ever expressed any interest in going to the gym before.
‘Elsa, I eat so much sugar,’ Anna said, nodding to the cup. ‘Like all the time. I figured I should exercise or something. Then I was talking to Kristoff and he was like… let’s go to the gym together, because again: dumb and buff.’
‘And nice?’
‘And nice.’
‘No hots?’ Elsa handed over the hot chocolate.
‘No, gross.’
‘Ok.’
‘Yeah, so I might go to the gym after school a couple of days a week. So don’t worry about me.’
‘I’ll still worry.’
‘I’ll text you.’
‘Sure.’
Anna leaned over the counter to give Elsa a hug and a kiss on the cheek and Elsa blushed, which was also a thing she would have to think about more later. Instead, for the moment, she busied herself cleaning the coffee machine.
Anna looked around at all the packed-up tables. ‘I’ll just be outside?’
Elsa nodded. ‘I’ll be ten minutes at the most.’
She was four minutes.
***
Anna didn’t get buff, exactly. For one thing, she was a teenager, and for another thing she was skinny. She got a bit bigger, though, and she ate more, and her energy picked up. Her arms got some tone, and so did her legs.
Elsa bought her sister a few bits of exercise equipment, like weights and a resistance band and a yoga mat. She thought it was good. Anna seemed to enjoy it, and she definitely had more energy.
But Elsa also found that she was annoyed about it. She didn’t like it when Anna went to the gym after school or on the weekend. She felt lonely or something, and a little sad somehow.
She had given it some thought, and she supposed that she did feel lonely. For almost a year, the two of them had spent basically all their free time together, and now Anna had something else to do. It was fine, she assured herself, to be unsettled by it. She would get over it.
‘Do you want to do anything for your birthday?’ Elsa asked from the dining table, where she was keeping an eye on Anna making dinner.
Anna was making a basic salad while a small pork roast finished in the oven. ‘Nah. Same again, I think.’
‘You don’t want to invite Kristoff?’
‘Nah, gross. He’d ruin the vibe.’
Elsa nodded. ‘How’s the gym going? You still getting in for free?’
‘Yes, but it turns out that Kristoff is a liar.’ Anna waved her knife, then thought better of it.
‘Oh?’ Elsa body tensed, but Anna didn’t seem upset or anything.
‘He specifically upgraded his membership after we met so that he could bring a guest for free.’
‘Oh... no offence or anything, but why?’
‘Can’t tell you.’ Anna did the whole mouth-zip pantomime. ‘Sworn to secrecy, even thought it’s stupid and no one would care.’ She zipped her mouth again for good measure.
‘Right...’ Elsa stretched the word out, hoping she didn’t look as worried as she felt.
The pork could have used more salt for the crackling, but it tasted good and wasn’t overcooked, which is pretty easy to do with pork. The two of them ate quietly, as they often did, until Anna sighed dramatically and put down her cutlery.
‘Fine,’ Anna groaned. ‘Twist my arm, I’ll tell you.’
Elsa blinked at her. ‘What?’
‘That secret.’
‘Oh, right. I mean, you don’t have to tell me if it’s a secret.’ But like, the tone of her voice did not agree with her words in the slightest.
‘Kristoff might be gay.’
Elsa nodded.
‘I also might be gay.’
Elsa nodded again, then paused and scrambled through appropriate responses. ‘Thanks for telling me? I promise to be supportive and such. Is that the secret?’
‘No. Also, thanks I guess, even if that didn’t sound real sincere.’
Elsa nodded. ‘I mean it, though. I will be supportive and such.’
Anna grinned and, surprisingly, didn’t take the opportunity to lean across the table to give Elsa a hug and a kiss on the cheek or something. ‘Right. All that was set up, though. The actual secret is that Kristoff has a crush on this dude at the gym, Ryder, who is also a himbo and also works part time at an animal shelter.’
Elsa nodded.
‘So…’ Anna waved her hands like a magician getting to the end of a trick and suddenly realising that it wasn’t actually that great a trick. ‘So, Kristoff talked me into going to the gym with him to help him with this dude Ryder.’
Elsa nodded, and her heart lifted. ‘Oh. That’s nice of you.’
‘I know, right? I’m great. Turned out I like the gym, though. Apparently, girls like muscles or something?’ Anna flexed and Elsa wanted to disagree with her, but couldn’t.
‘Very sexy, or something,’ Elsa said.
Anna grinned. ‘Thanks and stuff.’
‘It’s been like four months, have you made any progress with Ryder?’
‘None at all.’
Elsa laughed.
‘What do you know? You’re single as hell.’
‘I’m a single mother, thank you very much. I don’t have time for dating while I take care of my young child.’
Anna burst out laughing. ‘More like a milf.’
Elsa burst out laughing.
***
Elsa was lying on Anna, Anna was lying on the couch, Netflix was wondering if they were still watching, but they had eaten nearly half of the traditional chocolate and coffee cake and couldn’t be bothered answering.
‘Do you really think I’m sexy?’ Anna muttered, the words reverberating into Elsa’s tired skull.
‘Hmm?’ Elsa raised her head slightly to look at her sister, who was blushing and not quite looking at her.
‘You said I was very sexy or whatever,’ Anna said.
‘Mmhmm.’ Elsa was also blushing, hoping that it wasn’t as obvious as Anna’s.
‘Did you mean it?’
Elsa lay her head back down and took Anna’s hand. ‘I did, yeah. But like… I dunno. It’s nothing to do with the gym, really. Just like…’
Anna’s other hand wandered to Elsa’s face, pulling her up to look at the furiously blushing Anna. ‘Elsa?’
‘Yeah?’ Elsa’s mouth was suddenly extremely dry.
‘Can I kiss you?’
‘Sure.’
A moment of undignified wriggling later and the sisters were face to face. Anna was beet red, and Elsa probably wasn’t much better. Her heart was hammering in her chest and she was sure she should do something to stop before anything happened.
But Anna was leaning in, her lips a little pursed like you see in films, eyes closed. And Elsa was tired and she loved her sister and even if her thundering heart was wrong, it would be fine.
Elsa closed her eyes, pursed her lips a little like you see in films, and leaned into it. Anna’s lips were soft and dry. Her hands were gentle and firm. Elsa gripped the hand she was holding tighter and lifted herself off the couch a little more to get a better angle.
It was nice.
Anna pulled back first, still blushing furiously. ‘Sorry, I just…’
Elsa leaned in and kissed her again, just for a moment. ‘It’s ok. It’s… I don’t know, but it’s ok.’
Anna grinned and kissed Elsa again. ‘Are you sure, it’s just…’
Elsa nodded and kissed her sister back. ‘I’m sure.’
Anna wrapped her arms around Elsa and pulled her into a firm hug and kissed her on the forehead and then the bridge of the nose. ‘It’s just… I’ve been.’ And she kissed her on the lips again.
‘I think I might have been too.’ Elsa kissed her back.
***
‘You’re sure it’s fine for Kristoff to come?’ Anna asked, for the hundredth time. Then kissed Elsa on the neck. ‘Also, that looks gross as hell.’
Elsa turned her head to peck Anna on the lips. The ‘that’ in question was a spatchcocked turkey that Elsa was busy rubbing with herbs and butter. The oven was pre-heating behind her.
‘Yes, I’m sure,’ Elsa said. ‘We can have people over for christmas.’
Anna hugged her some more and gave her another few kisses on the cheek and then the lips and then the tip of the nose. ‘Thank you, he’s so excited.’
‘Good, open the oven door for me, would you?’
Anna did.
Elsa washed her hands, thoroughly. ‘Do you want to make the cake?’
‘Yes. I would love to know how to make that cake. I will destroy everyone with it, starting with myself.’
‘Maybe I should make the cake.’
‘Nooo, teach me!’ Anna squeezed tighter.
Elsa giggled. ‘Fine.’
Elsa sat across the island from Anna and walked her through making the chocolate and coffee cake. Once the turkey was turned down, they added the cake to the oven and slumped onto the couch to await their guests.
Elsa put an arm around Anna and Anna started kissing the side of her face.
‘You’re going to have to be good when people get here.’
‘I will be so well behaved,’ Anna insisted, between kisses. ‘I’m getting all my unsisterly affection out now.’
Kai and Gerda arrived together. This time Elsa and Anna headed out to help them with it, only to find Kristoff standing on the street, moments from texting Anna to confirm he had the right address. The three young people carried in all the presents.
Kai, once again, had brought cured ham that he had cured himself. Gerda had brought roasted vegetables that went in the oven to reheat, and a home-made christmas pudding since she’d had time this year.
Kai and Gerda interrogated Anna and Kristoff about the nature of their relationship while Elsa finished the rest of the preparation for lunch. There was lots of hugging when the grownups managed to pry the fact that both of the kids were gay out of them.
‘Oh, you three would have liked my last boyfriend, I think,’ Kai said, wistfully.
‘You’re gay too?’
‘Bisexual, thanks,’ Kai said. ‘Though I feel mostly old these days.’
‘He means aromantic,’ Gerda said.
‘I might mean that.’
‘How about you, Gerda, how queer are you?’
‘Is there a scale?’ Gerda asked with a smile. ‘I don’t think I’m very queer. I’ve only every been with men. Few and far between, admittedly.’
‘And short-lived,’ Kai said. ‘She’s the one researching what it means to be aromantic.’
‘Maybe the both of us or more grey than that not,’ Gerda said. ‘I don’t really feel much desire to be in a romantic relationship, you know. And I used to tell my mother I had all the kids I needed, when she’d ask when I was going to get pregnant.’
Anna leaned over to Kristoff to explain that Gerda was a primary school teacher. ‘Oh, cool,’ Kristoff said. ‘I honestly don’t know that far, I think. Like, I was at the gym and this guy comes in and I thought to myself “I really want to be with that guy” and I’ve never had that with anyone else so…’ He shrugged.
Everyone shrugged.
‘Lunch is ready,’ Elsa announced.