Chapter Text
Since the age of 10 Castiel Novak was a constant presence in the Winchester household. He was raised by his uncle, Crowley with his twin sister, Anna, and older brother Gabriel.
They just moved to the city in Kansas when he was knocked over by another boy, around his age.
“Oh, I'm so sorry! Let me help you! Mom always says to keep my eyes in front of myself but I forgot.”
The boy had green eyes, blondish hair and freckles. Castiel thought it looked like the night sky.
“It's alright. I'm not hurt.”
He tried to cover his wince as he used his left hand to push himself up, but the other boy saw it.
“Hey, grab my hand. Mom's a nurse and she's at home. We could ask her to check it for you? I'm Dean, by the way. You're the new ones on Massachusetts street, right? I live around the corner.”
Castiel was amazed the amount of word this boy had.
“I'm Castiel. And my Uncle's going to kill me for hurting myself again.”
That was the day when everything started. Dean brought Cas home and let his mom patch the boy up. And from that moment, they were inseparable. They went to the same school, the same class, and since they lived in the same neighbourhood, Castiel spent most of his time in the Winchester house.
That's where he spent his Christmas Days. Christmas Eve was spent with his siblings and Uncle Crowley, but as soon as it was acceptable (around 9am because that's totally acceptable, thanks Uncle) he ran to the Winchester home.
It wasn't any different this year either. The fact that he was 18 didn't change anything. He knocked, opened the door without waiting for someone to open it (Mary would be already working, Sam and Dean would still be asleep), hung his coat and walked into the kitchen where there was a letter waiting for him, just like every year.
‘Dear Castiel, sorry, I was called in. Look after them! Sam is going to Jess after they finally make it to breakfast. You know everything. Kisses, Mary (-Mom)’
Castiel smiled at the way Mary treated him like his own son.
Castiel had never met his parents, they were babies when they disappeared and no one ever heard about them again.
Uncle Crowley never told them anything about their parents, they didn't even know whose brother he was.
It was a nice thing to have a mother in Mary.
The Winchesters and Castiel had a now 8 year-old tradition. Mary makes the Christmas food, but the breakfast is Castiel’s. His French toast was the best, according to Dean and when he admitted this to his Mom she just laughed and said it was true. But only special occasions deserved the sweet treat, and Christmas was one of those. So Cas took out the bread, the butter, eggs, sugar and everything else from the cupboards and started making the cinnamony breakfast.
Sam was the first to be wakened by the smells of butter and even grease. Because breakfast without bacon would be a sin. He didn't even bat an eye when he saw the older teen in an apron, in front of their stove.
“Please, tell me those are French toasts! And that you've made coffee. I need coffee. And food. Or not. I might vomit. Cas? What am I going to do?” Sam was usually quiet around the dark haired boy but desperate times need desperate measures.
Cas smiled at the lanky teenager as he slumped down next to the table.
"Too much eggnog yesterday?" he asked, but only got a groan for reply.
"Drink coffee. Take an advil, and have plenty of water with it."
Sam was not very likely to move soon, so Castiel filled a mug with coffee and placed it in front of the younger Winchester.
"Don't say I'm not good to you"
"Thanks Mommy."
Sam grunted and tried to drown his hangover in the coffee.
"Dean is in an even worse shape. He ate half of a pie by himself and then drank the twice of what I did and then some beer too. He looks like shit.”
At least something cheered the young Winchester up.
"Great. So he's gonna eat all of the toast. But maybe he's not as grumpy as you are..."
Cas smirked at the scowling teen and got back to the nearly burnt bacon. Just like Dean likes them.
Speaking of the devil, just as Cas finished the last toast, a very pale looking Dean walked in, hair standing out in every direction.
"I smell food. Give me food."
Was all he said as he fell down next to his brother.
"Good morning to you too, Dean. How are you feeling on this beautiful Christmas morning?"
Asked Cas, smiling at his best friend.
"Terrible. Feed me."
"You two have a lot in common, you know."
The Winchester brothers groaned in unison and Cas couldn't stop smiling.
“Stop grinning Cassss.”
The last syllable was drawn out because the eldest in the house just chose the moment to put the piled up plate in front of the suffering blond.
“Gosh, you're the best. Thank you.” Dean looked up and gave a weak smile to Castiel and started stuffing his face with the still warm toast. Cas turned back to the counter to hide his blush.
He had a crush on the pretty boy since he was 10. Probably from the time he got knocked over by him.
The brothers wolfed down the food in minutes.
"Don't forget to swallow, boys. It won't go away from the plate you know."
Dean let out a guttural groan as he cleaned off the last of his toasts and Cas tried really hard not to blush even more.
"This was amazing, Cas, thanks. And I totally forgot but Merry Christmas!" Said Sam as he stood up slowly, taking his plate to the sink. "I'll take a shower then go to Jess'. Mom is coming home in the evening, but I'll probably sleep at hers." He said blushingly.
"Sleeping there already? Way to go bro." Dean said with a saucy wink.
"Gosh, shut up."
Castiel just smiled at the Winchester way of showing affection.
"Just hurry, Dean is reeking here."
"Hey! I don't!" But Dean sniffed at his armpit and realised that Cas might be telling the truth. "Okay, you are right." But even thinking about standing up after the perfect breakfast made him whining.
"You big baby, give that to me."
Cas took the plate from him with a roll of his eyes.
"You are my hero, Cas." The teen said with a fond smile which made the other boy's knee week.
Cas cleared his throat and turned away. Dean was his best friend, he reminded himself. His straight best friend.
He never questioned that. Never had a reason to do it so. Dean was accepting of Cas being gay and that was great but he only had a few girlfriends. His first one was Kate, when he was 14. She was a plain looking girl but she had beautiful eyes. And after her it was Bela, Lisa and Jo.
He was hot and he knew it, but he never broke any hearts. At least he didn't know about any heartbreaks. He never promised anything more than a date or two, kisses here and there and even hand holding. Never did more than these things, but Cas' heart always broke every time Dean kissed one of those girls.
Cas worked on cleaning up the kitchen while Dean was drinking his coffee in silence. Sam finished in the bathroom, and left quickly, leaving them alone in the dining room.
"I will go, get myself presentable. I really have a funky smell." Dean said with a wince.
"Do that. I will pick out a movie to watch. Something perfectly Christmas-y."
Dean groaned at the prospect of a chick-flick but didn't protest.
Soon they were found sitting on the sofa in front of the big TV set.
“So I decided. Since it's been years… and I kinda miss this… The Holiday it is!!!”
Cas was so cheerful by the prospect of watching one of the cheesiest Christmas movies ever made, that Dean didn't have the heart to whine.
“Okay, okay. Am I allowed to drink my sober-up beer during it?”
He was already walking to the fridge, grabbing a soda for the smiling boy.
“Thanks. Now shut up and enjoy.” Cas really hasn't seen The Holiday for years so he got so caught up in it he didn't even realise he was leaning on Dean.
Dean of course realised it. He tried to ignore the tingly feeling he felt where Cas' arm touched his. There were totally no butterflies in his belly either. That stuff was reserved for teenage girls with a crush. And Dean Winchester did not have a crush on anyone, especially not his best friend. He just....liked him. Got used to him over the years. And if he had dreams about said best friend where they were doing things... well that was his secret.
A well-kept, never to tell anyone secret. Dean was straight. He knew that. But for some reason when Cas told him about having a boyfriend it made him feel weird and he didn't like the English guy at all. Whatever his name was. Balthazar or something. The guy was a dick and he treated Cas like shit. But he was not short on kisses when the three of them were hanging out and it made Dean uneasy.
Cas loved this movie, it was one of his favourite Christmas films. He needed the cheer after that nasty fight he had with Balthazar last night. The English came to his house totally shitfaced, and wouldn't stop groping him all night. Cas wasn't sure why he even dated the guy in the first place.
Thank God for Anna, who practically threw the drunk boy out the house after Cas turned him down and...well..Balthazar didn't take it so good.
Cas was good at keeping a façade so Dean wouldn’t see something was amiss. At least Castiel thought that.
But after the movie he turned to look the other in the eyes.
“Okay, dude. what's with the long face? You didn't say anything today.” He sounded really concerned.
“It's… It's Balthazar. He broke up with me yesterday. He actually came to our home drunk. And he wanted to have sex and Anna throw him out then he shouted something from the street about me being a tease and stuff like that.”
It all came out in a rush and Castiel didn't even feel the tears on his face until Dean wiped them away gently.
Dean felt a rush of anger towards Balthazar. He suddenly wanted to hurt the guy very much.
"I'm gonna kick his ass. Bastard will be sorry for the day he was born. He didn't deserve you, buddy. He was a massive pillock. Better off without him".
Dean cleaned Cas' face with the back of his hand and kept caressing him absent mindedly. Those blue eyes were full of hurt and sadness. He couldn't stand seeing him like this.
“I wasn't in love with him but it hurts what he said. Is it true? Am I a tease? Does that mean that I don't deserve anyone?” He was still crying but being this close to Dean calmed him down by a notch.
“No, hey, don't ever think about it like that. Anyone would be happy to have you as their partner. You're amazing. Who cares if you don't want to jump into their beds on the first date?”
"I just want it to happen in the right time...with the right guy. Not... not someone who is so drunk he wouldn't even remember next morning. Am I being silly and naive? Did I lead him on?"
Dean sighed and let Cas to burry his face into his shoulder. It felt nice to be this close to the boy. He wanted to make him smile again.
“No, you didn't. Don't worry, babe... I mean buddy.” Dean hoped that his mishap went unnoticed but with a sharp inhale Cas looked at him.
“Did you just call me babe?”
The dark haired teen thought he was imaging things but his best friend went bright red.
“I… I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that.”
Dean swallowed hard and jumped up from the couch.
"I'm gonna...get you another soda. It will help. Or you can have something stronger if you would like to. I need another beer... gonna get back in a sec."
In the kitchen Dean bumped his head into the wall, cursing the slip of his tongue. What the fuch was he thinking???? Now Cas thinks he is... and he is not... but Cas... why is everything so difficult? Why can't he stop feel like this? Why are those blue eyes haunting him in his dreams?
He suddenly remembered why he'd started dating Kate a few years ago. She had beautiful blue eyes. A few shades off of Cas’ but close enough. Then it was Bela whose hair was the same shade.
And thinking about the two other girl had him dropping the empty can. They all looked somehow similar to Castiel.
Charlie would love this. She's been always telling him that he was in love with Cas but he shrugged it off every time. Because he wasn't gay. It's a totally unimportant information that he sometimes got off to the thought of getting on his knees for Castiel. Or letting him fill Dean up.
Geez even the mere thought made him hard. But... how did this happen? When did he fell in love with this nerd?
Okay...so maybe he was bi. Yeah that must be it. Because he liked those girls, liked kissing them, liked their bouncy bits.
But when he thought about Cas it was so different. He wanted things he never did with his girlfriends. It scared the crap out of him, but Dean couldn't stop thinking about it.
"You alive in here?"
"Yeah, I'm coming. I just spilled something. And I need to use the bathroom, be right back."
He tried to get by Cas, who was leaning on the doorway of the kitchen but never got to the bathroom.
"Dean? What's going on?" Cas asked the blushing teen after he stopped him by grabbing his wrist.
"I... Nothing, don't worry about it. Let's watch something else. You can pick this one too. Start it."
Dean made an attempt to step aside but the older boy was still holding his hand. He was aware of the heat coming off from the lithe body and he found himself going closer.
"You are all blushed and you are mumbling. I know how you act when you are embarrassed. What is it? You know you can tell me anything. I'm here for you."
The calmness had returned into Castiel's voice and he was looking at Dean with his head tilted to the side, blue eyes shining with interest.
Dean found it hard to swallow, his throat grew tight and his heart was beating crazy.
"I can't do this Cas. We ain't in a chick flick."
He shook off the suddenly weak hold and darted towards the bathroom.
"Okay. Then I'm going to leave now. Seems like you wouldn't talk 'bout my problems either."
Cas' voice was filled with so much pain Dean turned around to see his best friend.
"I'm sorry... I don't know... suddenly everything is so messed up... something must be broken inside of me!"
Dean found himself shouting all of a sudden. And as much he wanted to suppress it, he felt a single tear sliding down his face.
Cas stepped closer and put a hand on his shoulder.
"Don't you ever say that. You are not broken. Tell me what's wrong. Maybe I can help"
"No, you can't! You're the reason I feel so fucked up!" Dean screamed but this time he didn't shake off the hand, he stepped closer, right into Cas' personal space. "I don't know why this is happening to me."
His voice lost all the anger, he sounded tired even to his own ears.
"Hey, what did I do?"
Castiel sounded calmer than the now shaking and crying Dean. He pulled him into his arms, hugging him.
The blond mumbled something into the soft shirt Cas was wearing.
"I don't understand anything you say. Look at me and tell me, what's wrong, Dean!"
He sounded so demanding and different, Dean had to loom up into the bright blue eyes.
"I'm tired of ignoring this" Dean whispered barely audible. "I'm tired of hiding it. I have these fucking dreams and you are there... and I don't know why but I want you. I can't stop thinking about you. It's a mess. I'm a mess."
Dean looked back down and kept staring at his shoes.
"You want me? You have me. You've had me since we were 10. What kind of dreams do you have? I mean I have plenty of dreams involving you." Cas' heart rate went higher upon hearing this from Dean but maybe the boy had different dreams than him.
"I... It's not like that. Fuck, Cas! I can't stop thinking about kissing you or doing other things and I shouldn't feel like this! I'm straight. I like girls!"
And now he went back to shouting. It would have been quite amusing to see Dean going back and forth between being shy and blushing to angry and shouting. But he wasn't feeling like laughing.
"You want to kiss me?" He couldn't believe he was hearing this.
"I want to wake up next to you and I want to make you pancakes with marmalade because you're a weirdo and I wanna bring them to bed and I wanna see your bed hair and I've seen it but not like that and I fucking want to grow old with you!"
Cas' jaw dropped. What did Dean just say? That he wanted to grow old with him? Dean, the straightest jock ever in existence wanted to be with his nerdy little gay best friend? He must be dreaming. This can't be true.
"Say something!" Dean was still shouting but his voice was pleading and desperate.
"I feel the same way for you. I loved you since before I even knew what love was. I grew up to realize that I'm madly, deeply and totally in love with you from head to toes. In a permanent kind of way."
"Thank God." Was all Dean said and touched the slightly stubbled cheeks of Cas. He moved as he didn't want to scare the other and ever so softly he kissed his best friend on the lips. His touch was tentative, loving and the other was just like him. There was passion, so much pent up frustration but their movements were unhurried. They had time.
When they parted for air, Cas wrapped his hands around Dean's neck and looked into those green eyes.
"You feeling better now?" He asked sweetly.
"Yeah" the blonde's answer was light as a sigh. "I could use a bit more of you cheering me up, though. It won't hurt"
"With pleasure"
The house was quiet and covered in soft lights coming from the TV and the fairy lights on the tree. The curtains were closed to keep the lights out. They moved to the couch, holding hands, smiling at each other. The boys went back to kissing as soon as they were sitting but after a few minutes Castiel drew back with a soft laugh.
"I'm sorry but this is horribly uncomfortable. My neck hurts. I don't want to get weird but can we maybe lie down?"
He was blushing and Dean found himself watching as the red spread on the older teen's cheeks. Nonetheless he nodded and lied on his side, facing his... What? Boyfriend? Lover? It didn't matter. His Cas.
"This is good" Cas whispered and lied down facing him, legs tangled together, fingers playing with the hairs on Dean's neck.
"I wanted to be like this with you since as long I can remember."
He continued before taking Dean's lips again. His tongue mapped out the boy's mouth, fingers drawing patterns onto his skin.
"Cas, wait." The older teen pulled away, looking questioningly to the slightly panting Dean.
"I have no idea what I'm doing here. I've never..."
He burrowed his face in his hands. But that didn't last long, Cas quickly uncovered Dean's face.
"Hey, stop this. I know that you've never been with a guy. Neither have I. So I guess we just have to... Discover things. Slowly. I need slow." He smiled softly to the now blushing boy.
"Okay... But is this okay? Kissing?" Cas didn't say anything just went back putting little pecks on Dean's face. Everywhere he could reach so the shy teen started smiling then plain out laughing when Cas kissed his closed eyelids.
"I would never have guessed that I will be here with you. Even though there was a part of me that always knew that I will end up here. A part of me that I tried to hide for so long, I tried to convince myself that it wasn' there."
As Dean spoke, Cas listened to him while he never stopped touching the younger boy. Gentle strokes over his cheeks, his neck, his shoulders. Anywhere he could touch.
"I understand how hard it must have been for you and I'm so proud of what you achieved." He praised him softly and Dean couldn't ignore that butterflies in his stomach from the words.
"But it's okay, now. I have you, right?" Dean still felt a little unsure but the caressing never stopped.
"Yes, don't worry about this. I love you too."
And with that Cas kissed Dean again. This kiss wasn't really different from the previous ones but he pulled Dean closer, leaving no room between their bodies.
Dean could feel the hard outline of Cas' cock pushing into his abdomen and it was a frightening and yet arousing sensation.
"Cas... fuck... I can feel you" he moaned into the other boy's mouth.
He could feel himself getting hard too and Dean was sure Cas was feeling it too.
"I... I can't help it. You're so amazing." The brunette started moving his hips slowly trying not to frighten Dean with being hard.
"It's okay, great, god. You...you're so sexy." Dean knew he was babbling but couldn't care less. They were all alone and for a while it'd stay like that.
But after a few minutes Dean heard the unmistakable sound of the Impala that his mother drove when Dean didn't need it.
"Fuck, Mom... Mom is close."
Cas groaned and stilled his hips, head falling forward onto Dean's neck.
"We should make ourselves presentable. I know Mary loves me, but I don't want her to see me devouring his little son."
"Yeah. You sayin' something."
The two boys quickly got themselves together, trying to fey as much innocence as they could muster.
Even after sitting up they couldn't stop to touch each other, seemingly innocent touches but Dean was squirming on the couch, while Cas stroked him behind his ear. He quickly kissed the smiling teen just when the door opened in the hall.
"Hey boys! Merry Christmas, Castiel!" Mary looked tired but greeted the boys cheerfully.
"Hi Mom!"
“Hello Mary!" The teens called back in sync.
"It's already 6, so we should have dinner and you can tell me about your day while we eat, okay?"
Mary asked then got to the kitchen to reheat yesterday's casserole.
"Do you think we should tell her?" Asked Cas worryingly.
Dean bit his lip and looked just as worried as Cas. His mother was a kind and loving soul and he was very supporting in every way.
"Yeah. I never hid anything from her. She will understand. I want her to know."
Cas placed a gentle kiss on Dean's lips before holding his hand and walking into the kitchen.
"Mom...there is something we want to tell you."
Dean cleared his throat to get his mother's attention.
Mary turned around and when she saw the blushing boys, holding onto each other tightly, she smiled the brightest smile Dean ever saw on her face.
"Finally" was all she said before enveloping both of them in a tight hug.
"Really? Finally? That's all you have to say?"
Dean was relieved and pissed a little.
"Yes. Or be safe about it? What am I supposed to say?"
Mary was laughing at the shocked face her boys made.
"Gosh, come on, sit down and eat. Then we can watch something. I was thinking about Love Actually."
She sat down, looking pointedly to the smiling teens.
"Love Actually? Again? Mom, your crush on Alan Rickman is ridiculous." For this Dean got a little piece of potato in his hair but otherwise the dinner was uneventful.
"Dean you gotta admit, Alan Rickman is pretty hot."
Cas said teasingly as they all sat down in the living room. Mary in her armchair and the boys on the couch, cuddling under a blanket.
"Heey!" Protested Dean.
"Relax, your ass is so much prettier" Cas whispered into his ears, making the younger teen blush deep scarlet.
"I can hear everything, Castiel. So please, don't talk to my son like that when I'm in the same room."
Mary didn't even look at them when she said this.
"Oh my god, I'm gonna die here." Groaned Dean as he tried to hide himself from the world.
"Stay here, we forgot the popcorn and the soda. Mary you want anything?"
Cas stood up, subtly letting mother and son to have a proper conversation about this.
"Tea would be lovely, thanks."
The standing teen grinned and that - Mary would always be an English woman in the heart.
"So... you have no problems with this?" Dean asked quietly when they were alone.
Mary paused the film and looked at her son with warm eyes.
"Sweety, I knew it for ages now. Every time you brought home a girl with blue eyes or raven hair, I knew that when the right time comes, you will realize that you love your best friend. And from the looks Cas gave you, I was sure he feels the same."
Dean couldn't look at his mother. The way Mary knew him was kinda scary.
"You are terrifying. I'm going to help Cas with the drinks and stuff." Dean followed his best-slash-boyfriend to the kitchen where the dark haired was waiting for the popcorn to be done.
"Everything alright? She seemed pretty supportive about it." Cas asked with a smile.
"My mother just told me that she knew it all along. I think she is a witch or something. This can't be real."
The older teen laughed at that.
"Dean, she is your mother, it's totally natural that she knows what's going on with you. Relax."
"Okay. I will make magical Mom's tea now." Dean said with a sigh.
Going back to the living room, they spent the majority of the film cuddling under the blanket. When there was a specially emotional part, Cas' hand found Dean's and they shared a smile. It was ridiculously cheesy but felt nice.
After the end credits, Cas stood up and stretched out.
"I should probably head home, it's getting late."
"No, honey. It's already late and you said that neither Gabe nor Anna will be at home. So you stay here. I'm sure you'll have a lot of talking to do with Dean. Now go and get ready for bed." The boys shared a surprised look but didn't say anything just a quick 'Thanks!' after Mary said that.
"Okay, good night then, Mom!"
"Night, Mary!"
The blonde woman smiled as she watched her son with the love of his life running upstairs. They reminded her to her marriage with John while he was still alive.
It wasn't the first time Cas spent the night in Dean's room, but this was different.
"I guess we won't need the camping bed now." Dean said with a shy smile. "I mean..if you want to you can... I was just thinking..."
Cas stopped the mumbling boy with light kiss.
"Of course not. I can't wait to sleep with you. I was dreaming about this for years now."
"This is so weird... I can finally do this and I don't know why I haven't done this years ago." Dean was quiet in his admission but in the silence it was almost deafening.
"I'm sure it has a reason. We were probably not ready for it. But we are here now and I don't intend to lose you."
Cas pulled his blushing boyfriend closer and kissed him deeper.
"Now go and take a shower. Then we will sleep, okay?
Dean nodded and went outside but not before -overcoming his shyness- he took off his shirt with a wink.
"You're horrible! You're the worst!" Shouted Cas after him from the doorway.
"Yeah but you love anyway!" Said Dean back with laughter and closed the bathroom's door behind him.
"I sure do."
While Dean was in the bathroom, Cas sat down on the boy's bed with a sigh. He was nervous and excited at the same time, but he was sure that he loved Dean. And nothing else mattered.
Dean emerged from his shower only in a pair of black briefs. Cas swallowed hard and quickly crossed his legs.
"Ready? I'm gonna go in now as well." He said hoarsely as he gathered his stuff together.
"You see something you like?" Asked the half naked boy smugly.
"Don't get so full of yourself" Cas managed to get out.
"Oh, don't be so shy, babe. You're not half as bad either." Said the blond boy checking out the other unashamedly.
"Hush now... And put on a shirt or something." Cas wasn't a prude or anything but Dean's beautiful body was making him feel things how've never felt before. Not even with his ex.
"If you insist"
Dean put on a tee and climbed into his bed.
"Hurry up, I might get lonely in here, alone."
Cas groaned at that before shutting the bathroom door behind himself.
He needed a cold shower and he needed it now.
A not so pleasantly chilled Cas got back, finding Dean in bed with his present: Slaughterhouse-Five.
He was so deep already in the book he only realized his boyfriend was in the room when aforementioned boy climbed next to him, pushing his freezing limbs next to his warm ones.
"Geez, Cas, did you take the iciest showers of the world?"
He practically screamed at the blushing teen who tried to plaster himself to his slightly clad body.
"It's all your fault so you can lower your voice. If you parade yourself half naked and glistening wet in front of me, bare the consequences."
Dean put his book away and twisted his head back to look at his shivering boyfriend.
"I will keep that in mind. Now let's sleep, Jack Frost."
"I don't understand that reference"
"It's okay. We will watch Rise Of The Guardians tomorrow. Now hush and let me sleep, babe." Dean kissed Cas softly and let himself lulled into a deep slumber by the soft snores of the fast asleep boy on his chest.