Chapter Text
ass
So here we were, at Hope's Stupid Academia. MonoTV was pulling up in a forklift that was carrying a box with the cast inside. Suddenly, the box was sent flying, a long with the people inside it. Everyone hit the ground and regained consciousness.
Eden: Wha-Huh!?
Xander: Ah... Muh ass...
Ace: What the fuck is this bullshit!?
MonoTV: Unfortunately, you guys are stupid as fuck! So i'm sending you to school in order to e x p a n d your brain!
Arturo: Stupid? Does my medical degree mean nothing to you?
MonoTV: No, you big piece of shit!
MonoTV said, while smiling.
Min: What will we be learning?
MonoTV: No fucks no shits given from me! Whatever the teacher I assigned you wants to teach, that's what you will learn!
Charles: For some reason, I want to die.
MonoTV: Maybe there's a suicide prevention class in there, Charles!
Charles: Screw this, I'll just call my brother. He will come and pick me up and i'll leave this stupid school.
MonoTV: Ah.... Imma don't think you can do that...
Charles: What?
Charles dialed Ellie's number, but to no avail...
Charles: Blocked!?
MonoTV: I blocked the wifi here, so none of you can make calls or texts!
Arturo was already in the middle of pulling his own cell phone out when he heard this.
Arturo: Well there goes my plan of having Felicity bail me out...
MonoTV: Alright dipshits! Get to class and learn some useful ass information!
MonoTV turned into a helicopter and flew away, leaving the cast to ponder and contemplate life.
CLASS START
School bell: fucking ring ring ring, get to class, assholes.
SAVE A PRINCESS 101 CLASS
The 16 students gathered and took their seats, a man soon entered the class.
Smith: Sup bitches. i'm Pearson Smith and i'm your Princess Escorting teacher.
Min: Princess.... Escorting?
Smith: Exactly, you've ever been in a situation where you're escorting a princess and they just get kidnapped? I haven't but i'm sure you have!
Nico: ....No
Smith: Sit your dumb ass down and stop lying. Time to learn some shit about saving princess's
The teacher got out a book that looked longer than a Harry Potter novel. It was titled, "To Save a Princess 101"
Smith: Now listen closely and-
The sound of snoring interrupted the teacher. He looked to the back of the class and saw that Rose had fallen asleep.
Smith: Well excuuuuuuuse me!
He hit her with the book and she woke up.
Rose: Huh..? What were we doing again?
Smith: Learning how to escort a princess! Now I will read this entire book in one sitting!
The teacher opened the book and started reading from the very beginning.
Smith: In a kingdom far far away, there was once a bad bitch known as Princess Pear. She would always get kidnapped by the king of the coopers, Browser! However, a Floridian plumber known as Marty would always save her, along with his brother Louis. These were the Marty brothers!
5 HOURS LATER
Smith: And then Marty got all the money, bitches, and hoes. The end.
He closed the book and set it down on the table
Smith: Any questions?
Silence echoed throughout the classroom until someone broke it finally.
J: Too bad that didn't kill me...
Smith: YOU ASSHOLES LET ME READ THE ENTIRETY OF THAT BOOK AND YOU WEREN'T EVEN LISTENING!?!?!?
The teacher grabbed a grenade from his pocket, pulled the pin, and threw it in the middle of the classroom.
Smith: NEXT CLASS!!
The grenade detonated and sent the class flying into the next classroom.
Eden: Ahh! I'm on fire!
Xander: Damn something smells good... WAIT THAT'S ME!
The screaming stopped as soon as someone entered the classroom and put the flames out with a fire extinguisher. Turns out, it was the same teacher.
Smith: Now then... let's move on!
ENGLISH MF 101
Smith: Now then... Welcome to English Motherfucker! Yall can speak English right!?
...
Smith: Good!
He pulled out another book
Smith: Rose!
Rose: Huh?
Smith: Since you like to sleep so much, I decided that we'd read a bedtime story! It's called... "Go the fuck to sleep!"
Rose: ...oh
Smith: Ahem....
The teacher started reading the book out loud.
Smith: The cats nuzzle close to their kittens.... the lambs have laid down with the sheep... you're cozy and warm in your bed my dear... please, go the fuck to sleep
...
Smith: The windows are dark in the town child... i'll read you one very last book if you swear you'll go the fuck to sleep...
....
Smith: I know you're not thirsty! That's bullshit! Stop lying! Lie the fuck down darling, and sleep...
.....
Smith: Hello no you can't go to the bathroom! You know where you can go? The fuck. To sleep!
He put the book down and looked at everyone else.
Smith: So?
.....
Xander: Well that was a load of shit!
SCIENCE 101
Smith: Alright morons! Add the baking soda, then you do the shit and you get the explosive shit everywhere and boom! volcanic eruption!
The teacher showed off a classic volcano experiment.
Smith: Now you do it!
Eden and Hu sprinkled baking soda into one volcano. Ace sprinkled a tiny bit into his volcano before running off like a coward. Arei sprinkled some baking soda into Rose's mouth as she slept. David snorted his and got high, and Xander blew up the classroom by putting too much.
Smith: ahhhhhhh.... piss....
HISTORY 101
Smith: Canceled is only spelled with ONE L in America because we handed that L back to Britain in 1776 you know what i'm saying?
COOKING 101
Smith: I was a cook back then! The RV was my kitchen and the chemicals were my ingredients if you catch my drift...
Arturo: Ah, I can cook a stellar spaghetti dish if you allow me to...
Smith: Sure, just use one of the guides on RedTube
Arturo: RedTube? Don't you mean YouTube?
Smith: Oh yeah right! Don't click on that other thi-
Arturo: HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!
Smith: ...woops...
LUNCH TIME BITCHES
Lunch person: Come get your scraps you scrubs
J: Ugh! Why is it moving!?
Veronika: fascinating...
Arturo: Well then, my appetite is officially gone...
David: Ah, it can't be that bad...
David took a small bite.
David: ....
Dies
Arei: And nothing of value was lost!
DANCE 101
Smith: You know what? I've had enough trying to teach you idiots common sense! Let's dance instead!
Two skeletons appeared out of no where
Smith: Come on! Dance with me and my spooky ahh skeletons! This one is Pete and that one is also named Pete! They have big boners if you catch my drift...
Charles: That's it! I'm going to kill myself! Someone, give me a gun!
Whit: Sorry dude, they don't allow fire arms on campus-
Smith: Here you go!
The teacher handed Charles a Glock 40.
Charles: Thank God...
As Charles pointed the gun to his head, he turned it on the teacher at the last second.
Smith: Woah-!
Bang!
Smith: ow my ovaries....
Charles: Get the keys!
Levi grabbed the keys from the teachers pockets
Ace: Now lets get the fuck out of here!
And they escaped school and gave MonoTV and ass whooping, the end.
MonoTV: Ahem... REMEMBER TO RATE 5 STARS OR WHATEVER I WORKED REALLY HARD ON THIS AMAZING TV SHOW