Archive of Our Own

Set the scene: It's nearing midnight. Hao and Gyuvin are on the couch, engulfed in two fluffy blankets, and watching the latest K-drama, some melodramatic piece with Han Sohee and all her glory. The other members are either tucked into their beds for the night or in their rooms doing whatever they got up to on their days off.  The two boy's heads turn in a mirror-like fashion at the sound of the front door bursting open. 

In walks Hanbin. More like, in stumbles Hanbin, flushed and giggling quietly to himself. He seems to have not noticed the two despite the blinding bright light of the television screen shining in the darkness of their living room. 

He sneaks into the entryway, still quietly laughing to himself, toeing off his shoes and losing his balance slightly as he does so. There's an eerie silence that falls over the dorm for a split second before a loud thud echoes across the room. Hao and Gyuvin share a look, and the latter raises an eyebrow at Hao as to say 'You can deal with that'. Hao sighs and removes himself from his cocoon of blanket and pads over to the front entryway, revealing a smiling Hanbin planted on the floor. 

Hanbin looks up at him, face completely red, and flashes him a drunk, toothy grin. 

"Christ, Bin…How much did you have to drink?" Hao lets out an exhale as he crouches down to grab Hanbin by the arms and guides him up to a standing position, then reaches down to help him remove his other shoe. 

"'Dunno," Hanbin slurs, his weight pressed heavily against Hao, the smell of soju radiating from his body, "I gotta pee." 

"Alright." Hao grunts as he half drags, half walks Hanbin across the room towards the dorm bathroom. He looks back at Gyuvin, who's wearing a shit-eating grin, and rolls his eyes.

 Although Jiwoong is the eldest, when it came to Hanbin, there was some sort of understanding that Hao was always to be involved. When Hanbin was sad, the members turned to Hao. When Hanbin was upset, Hao was called to action.

It was their off season, which meant no promotions and actual time off, and Hanbin had used said time to meet up with some old friends from high school. Hao was glad. With all the stress of being the leader and essentially spokesperson of their group, he deserved a fun time. To let loose. Hao just hadn't expected he would let this loose.

After making a pit stop to the bathroom and dropping Hanbin off for a moment of privacy (and praying he didn't manage to inflict injury on himself in Hao's moment of absence), Hao makes a beeline for Hanbin and Taerae's shared room. 

A quick knock with no response leads Hao to slowly open the room door, peering around for a Taerae shaped figure in the dark room. He spots a human shaped object on the bottom bunk, a soft glowing light peeking from underneath the blanket. Please don't be jerking off , Hao thinks as he paces over to the figure. 

He taps the blanket as softly as he can to alert Taerae and also in an  attempt to not scare him.  Taerae lifts the blanket up off of his head and when Hao glances over to his screen, he sees nothing but a mobile game with insanely detailed graphics. He breathes out a sigh of relief. 

"Hao hyung?" Taerae says as he removes one of his headphones, lifting himself up so that he sits against the wooden frame of the bed. 

"Hey, just giving you a warning. Hanbin is wasted, so prepare for that." Taerae perks up at his words, a dimpled grin appearing on his face.

"Hanbin hyung ?" Taerae says incredulously.

"Yup." Hao says, mouth forming into a straight line, "Don't ask, because I don't know." He turns out of the room, heading back towards the direction of the bathroom. 

Foregoing knocking, he decides on slowly opening the door, hoping that Hanbin was alive and decent. Hanbin was indeed alive, sitting on the toilet seat fully clothed, head resting on his hand. 

"Bin? Are you okay?" Hao lets himself into the bathroom, closing the door shut behind him. Hanbin lets out a small groan, his arms giving out as his upper body folds in half. Hao rushes over to his side and lifts him up so that he is half carrying him again. 

"Let's get you to bed." 

Taerae is still on his phone when they arrive, but his attention immediately shifts to them as they enter. He watches as Hao drags Hanbin over to the bunk. 

"Well," Hao looks up at Hanbin's top bunk and then down at the slumped boy atop his shoulder, "I didn't think this through." 

Taerae lets out a throaty laugh, shifting so he is now sitting with his legs dangling off of the bed. 

"Do you want to use my bunk tonight? As long as you can promise he won't vomit in it, of course." 

Hanbin groans and nuzzles his face into Hao's neck. 

"Yeah I think that'd be best." Taerae gathers his items and sheets, yanking them off of the bed, and assists in grabbing Hanbin's own sheets to replace them. Hao walks over and places Hanbin onto the bed. He struggles as Hanbin grips at his shirt, yanking the fabric down with him as he goes. 

"Hyung," Hanbin moans and opens his eyes, hands still attached to Hao's shirt. Hao decides it might be easier to just comply. He sits down so that he's beside the half lying Hanbin, their thighs touching, and the crown of the raven's head connected to the pillow. Hao looks over at Taerae, who is eyeing them with a semi-amused expression, wrapped up in his grey comforter. 

He feels shifting besides him and focuses his attention back to Hanbin. He's decided to sit up, and leans into Hao's side, his head falling to rest on his shoulder. 

"I think you should lay down." Hao attempts again to free himself from Hanbin's grip, and fails. 

"I'm not tired," Hanbin mumbles into Hao's neck. The smell of soju on his breath is overwhelming and Hao wishes he had plopped Hanbin in the shower before heading over here. 

"Not tired," Hao says, mostly to himself, and then a little louder so Hanbin can hear, "Bin you can barely keep your eyes open." 

At this, Hanbin's eyes shoot open, and his posture stiffens, before he starts to sway gently. 

"If they aren't open how 'come I'm lookin' at you right now, huh?" Hanbin slurs and Taerae laughs from where he stands. Hao shoots him a glare. 

"Glad you find this entertaining." Hao says to Taerae. He makes a mental note to find out whoever it was that allowed Hanbin to get this drunk and send them a very strongly worded text. 

"Oh, it's very entertaining," Taerae says, and then yawns. "How long do you think he's gonna take to fall asleep though, because I was just about to head to bed." 

He looks over to Hanbin who is now staring at him, glassy eyes and flushed cheeks. He sighs. 

"I don't know," he runs a hand through his hair. "Do you want to crash in my room tonight?" 

Taerae hums as he weighs his options. Wait for, who knows how long, until Drunk Hanbin decides he'd like to go to bed or go to sleep now in a bed that's equally as comfortable as his? 

"Yeah, I'll do that." Taerae finally decides after a moment of contemplation, "Good luck." He rips his phone charger from the wall and lifts his dress of blankets off of the floor, leaving the two of them alone. 

Hao takes in a deep breath and exhales slowly before turning to the man beside him. 

"Okay, here's what's gonna happen," he places his palm on either side of Hanbin's cheeks so that his attention is fully on Hao. "I'm gonna grab you some water and aspirin, and you're gonna change into some pajamas, and then we're gonna go to bed. All right?" Hao nods Hanbin's head with his hands, "Perfect." 

Hanbin pouts but doesn't complain. 

Hao digs through Hanbin's drawers and pulls out a plain white t-shirt along with some shorts and tosses them on the bed beside him. 

"Change. Please." He says sternly and shoots Hanbin a look before exiting the room, making sure to shut the door tightly behind him.

The living room is dark when he passes it to head to the kitchen, signaling Gyuvin has headed to bed. Hao sighs and rubs his eyes as he holds the glass to the water dispenser. As the water pours, he thinks about Hanbin. Maybe he was acting a bit harsh. He's only doing what any twenty-something year old person would do at that age. And it wasn't like Hanbin was irresponsible. In fact, he was quite the opposite. He was almost too responsible at times. Taking care of all of the members even when it wasn't his job to do so.

The sound of water splashing on the floor pulls Hao out of his thoughts. 

"Fuck," he whispers and sets the cup down on top of the counter to grab a towel. Once cleaned up, he makes a stop to the bathroom to grab a bottle of pain relievers, and then makes his way to Hanbin. 

He opens the door and immediately almost drops the glass in his hands. On the bed in front of him, illuminated by the dim lamp Hao had turned on before he left, is Sung Hanbin. Sung Hanbin, in his loose white t-shirt, hanging off of his shoulder, revealing his collarbone and a peak of his tattoo. Sung Hanbin, in too tiny shorts, that Hao had unknowingly picked out. Sung Hanbin wearing a pair of fluffy white cat ears, small white bows attached to either side. 

Hao gapes, unable to form a coherent thought. When he does finally process the sight of him he turns around, shuts the door, and places his forehead against the wood. 

"Hyung," Hanbin whines from behind him. Hao contemplates setting the water down on the floor and retreating to the dorm couch to rest for the night. Instead, he looks over his shoulder. Hanbin is sitting with his legs bent in a 'W'  position, hands resting on the bed in between them, shirt hung over his thighs. 

Nope, Hao thinks, fucking nope . 

"I–," Hao begins but Hanbin takes that moment to slide his hands forward on the bed in a small stretch, and Hao can see almost entirely inside his shirt now. He gulps. 

"Hyung, aren't they pretty?" His hands reach up to toy with the fluffy mounds atop his head, one of them jingles as he does so. The sound strangely enough goes to Hao's dick. 

"Where did you get those?" Is Hao's first question. He still hasn't moved from his position next to the door, too scared his legs might give out if he tries. 

"I found them in Ricky's room." His speech is less slurred than before, but his words are still coming out slowly. 

Hao doesn't question further. He doesn't even want to know what they were doing in Ricky's room in the first place. Instead, he takes a couple of shaky steps towards Hanbin, willfully ignoring (or at least trying to) the situation unfolding in front of him.

"Here," he hands the water to Hanbin with trembling hands, "drink." 

"Hyung," Hanbin looks up at him and the bells jingle again. His eyes are somehow shining despite the lack of lighting in the room and Hao can see the pink flush of his cheeks spreading outward to his ears and down to his chest, "You never answered me." He's wearing a pout on his lips now.

"Y-yeah," Hao stutters, "so pretty." But he's not talking about the ears.

Hanbin averts his eyes, flushing even more, and giggles, actually giggles , at Hao's words. He shakily lifts himself onto his knees, swaying so hard that Hao nearly drops the glass in favor of reaching for Hanbin. He reaches for the glass, looking back up at Hao as he wraps his lips around the rim of it, water sloppily falling down his chin and neck as he sips the drink. 

Hao watches carefully as Hanbin downs the entire glass. Any worries that he had earlier were completely out of the door and replaced with different feelings entirely. And questions. Like, what the hell is happening?

Hanbin lets out a small 'ah' as he finishes the last drop in the glass and extends his arm out to pass it to Hao.

All of this is happening while Hao is actively trying to avoid looking at the ears perched on top of Hanbin's head. He doesn't know where to look. His brain betrays him and his eyes dart up. His hair is slightly wet and matted, probably due to the alcohol, and his fringe sticks to his forehead. And the ears. Hao can't stop looking at them. 

There is an unspoken closeness between the two of them. Ever since Boys Planet, they have been close, and continue to grow closer each day. Although their chemistry had been a bit played up for the cameras, they genuinely enjoyed each other's presence, and were often up late talking about the future of the group and their careers. 

There was also the fact that the two were both gay. Many of the members of the group were. Or at least queer of some sort (One of the first conversations he had with Matthew was about how his ex boyfriend and girlfriend had ended up dating each other, Hao had barely managed to hide his shock).  On top of their many similarities, there was an air to them. Something about them that just drew each other close. 

They had never pursued anything romantically, or physically for that matter, but there had always been a lingering gaze or two. A too long silence when it was just the two of them alone in a room. Oftentimes they had caught the other staring, but didn't say a thing. Couldn't say a thing.

There was no doubt (at least, in Hao's head) that there was some sort of attraction there. The same sort of attraction that you have for a friend, but push away because it just isn't possible. 

As he stands in front of Hanbin, the attraction is undeniable. From both parties. He grabs the glass from Hanbin, wincing as their hands touch. 

Hao belatedly realizes that he didn't give Hanbin the aspirin and stares at the empty glass in his hand. 

"I'm–" he looks at Hanbin again and then breaks his gaze in lieu of looking around the room at something, anything,  to distract his mind, "I'm gonna go grab you some more water. Stay." He places a shaky  palm in front of Hanbin and he listens obediently. His half-lidded and unfocused gaze is fixed on Hao and he shivers under the weight of it. 

Hao is deeply confused as he stands in front of the water dispenser for the second time that night. He's confused because, though he has felt attraction for Hanbin, he has never felt this amount of desire. This amount of want. Has felt butterflies in his stomach, a lurching of his heart, but never the heat coil below at the thought of the other. It scares him.

He thinks, cynically, that this might just be some sort of sick joke. Some prank that Ricky has plotted and drawn Hanbin into, and Hanbin just accidentally let it happen prematurely. Why else would he even have the cat ears in the first place?

He stops the water just as it reaches the brim and mentally prepares himself to face Hanbin. He pads over to the room slowly, giving himself time to configure his mind, to calm his nerves. Why was he nervous ?

He opens the door slowly this time, praying that Hanbin didn't magically find a matching tail or paws to match those damn ears. 

He breathes out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. In the whopping five minutes Hao had been gone, Hanbin had apparently grown tired, and was now laid flat on Taerae's bed. His cheek was squished against the pillow, a small stream of drool trailing from his mouth onto the cotton pillowcase. Taerae was not going to be happy about that.

The ears somehow stayed put firmly. His heart lurches, that familiar feeling, as he watches the rise and fall of Hanbin's chest. He sighs and places the water and aspirin on the floor at the head of the bed, carefully out of the way, and then leans down to tuck Hanbin in. He stares at the ears in contemplation and after a moment decides to unclip them. He walks over to one of Hanbin's drawers and shoves them deep deep down underneath a stack of clothes. For Hao's sanity, he hopes they never resurface. 

He flips off the switch for the lamp, shuts the door quietly behind him, and heads for the bathroom, flushing away all his guilt from the night. 

As he lays on his makeshift bed on the couch, he wills his mind to sleep. But sleep doesn't come, at least not for another couple of hours. Instead his brain decides to replay the events of the night over, and over, until he's lulled into a dreamless slumber. 

(　-∀・)

Hanbin wakes to a dull, throbbing, pain at the front of his temple and a sandpaper mouth. His brain is awake for at least thirty seconds before his eyes finally open, and it takes thirty more seconds after that to process anything. 

He realizes, as he looks up at the wooden planks above him, that he's not in his own bed. He turns his head to scan the room. Okay, so I'm at least in my room , he thinks. He turns back to stare at the wood and tries to jog his memories from the night prior. He remembers going to meet his friends, drinking, getting drunk, and then it's a blur. He vaguely remembers getting home. Talking to Hao? And then it turns fuzzy and thinking begins to hurt, so he shuts his eyes. 

Then, it comes back to him in waves and flashes. Stumbling into the dorm, Hao dragging him to his room. He can picture it semi-clearly, but when he racks his brain for dialogue, he comes up short. 

He runs a frustrated hand over his face and groans, using his other hand to feel around the bed for his phone. He finds nothing and uses what little strength he has to lift himself onto his elbows.

On the floor, he sees his phone alongside a cup of water and a bottle of aspirin and then it hits him. He remembers clearly and very soon wishes that he didn't. He remembers Hao, a saint, tossing him some clothes and running to fetch him some water. After he had left, Hanbin remembers changing and going to patiently wait for him when an idea struck him. Why, why did Drunk Hanbin have ideas?

He vaguely remembers Hao's unreadable expression when he walked into the room and the conversation that followed. Hyung, aren't they pretty?  

Hanbin sits up fully now and places the heels of his palms against his eyes, shame and embarrassment washing over him. How was he going to explain that to Hao? Maybe he could play it off as a joke. A 'haha gotcha!' moment. Hao wasn't stupid though, he wouldn't believe that. 

His hands shoot up to his hair, patting around to search for the fluffy objects but finds nothing. He twists and searches the bed and then the floor, but still finds nothing. Did he imagine that whole scene? No, he couldn't have. Although it was blurry he very much remembered the ears. 

He decides that's a problem for later and reaches over to chug the glass of water along with some aspirin. 

The first person he sees as he enters the common room and heads into the kitchen is Han Yujin. His hair is tousled as if he had just woken up and he's standing by the fridge, staring into it as if something was going to magically appear in front of him.

"Good morning, Yujin-ah," Hanbin's throat is shot, and he clears it a couple times before speaking again. "Where is everyone?"

Yujin startles slightly and then smiles at his hyung.

"Uh, Rick, Gyuvin, Jiwoong, Matt, and Gunwook are here," he counts the members on his fingers as he speaks, "and Hao and Taerae are out." 

Taerae. Another memory flashes in Hanbin's mind and it's of Taerae standing in a bundle of blankets and wishing Hao good luck. Great, they were probably out discussing how much of a train wreck Hanbin was. 

"I think Hao hyung left you some food though," he reaches into the fridge and pulls out a soup takeout container and places it on the counter across from Hanbin. 

Hanbin walks over and glances at it. It's hangover soup. He nearly cries. 

He doesn't see Hao for the rest of the morning, or afternoon, and spends his day resting in bed and hydrating. The hangover soup worked miracles but he still felt exhausted. 

They have a scheduled practice from 6-8pm today and Hanbin is eternally grateful for the late start. He is also dreading seeing Hao. 

He arrives at the company fifteen minutes before the scheduled time. Just enough time for him to warm up and stretch. As soon as he walks in, he sees Hao, who is mid conversation with Taerae. Hao's eyes find his and Hanbin expects him to look away and continue his conversation with Taerae. Instead, he says a few more words and then starts in Hanbin's direction. 

Hanbin slightly panics. He hadn't expected this. He expected Hao to avoid him, or send him weird glances. What happens instead, is a smiling Hao nudging him on the shoulder and saying, "How's the hangover?" 

How's the hangover? Okay, Hanbin thinks, this is fine. This is normal. 

"It's a hangover," Hanbin chuckles awkwardly. "The soup helped a lot though. Thanks." He contemplates his next words carefully before speaking, "And…thanks for taking care of me last night." 

A flash of surprise settles on Hao's features, as if he hasn't expected Hanbin to bring it up. Or expected him to remember.

"Uh…yeah. Don't worry about it. I know you'd do the same for me." 

Thankfully their instructor interrupts them before it can get any more awkward. 

The practice goes as well as any can go when you're hungover. It ends with Hanbin lying on the floor, sweat matting his hair to his forehead, and panting. 

They don't have a schedule tomorrow so some of the members decide to stay later to refine their newly learned choreography. And while Hanbin would usually be one of the people staying, he decides he'd rather have a hot shower and pass out in his bed. 

Gunwook, Matthew, Yujin, Gyuvin and Jiwoong decide to stay while the rest ride back together to the dorm. Hanbin calls the shower as soon as they step into the van. 

He steps out of the bathroom and a gust of steam follows. He towels his wet hair as he walks towards the kitchen in search of a late night snack. He hadn't actually eaten dinner. In fact, the only substantial meal he had that day was the seaweed soup. His stomach rumbles as if on cue. 

He leans into the fridge and finds nothing but a few condiments and three day old takeout. He hears the sound of the front door opening and turns towards the noise. Hao walks in with two white plastic bags in hand. 

The smell hits him and his stomach emits another small noise. It's loud enough for Hao to hear and he lets out a small chuckle, the apples of his cheeks rising as he does. 

"Any chance some of that is for me?" Hanbin closes the refrigerator door and leans on the counter beside it. 

"Only if you're in the mood for gopchang." He shoots Hanbin a sly grin and his mouth waters at the thought. He rubs a hand over his empty stomach and looks up at Hao, giving him the best pout he can manage. Hao's smile falters for the smallest split of a second but he recovers fast. Not fast enough for Hanbin to not notice. 

Hao walks over and places the bags on an empty section of the counter, removing and adding food to different bags until he's satisfied with the result.

"Gonna bring these to Ricky and Taerae," he shoves two takeout containers in Hanbin's direction, "these are ours." Ours. 

Before Hanbin can even think about what he's saying, his mouth is opening and he's speaking, "Hyung," Hao turns around, "Do you want to watch something with me?" 

Hao stills for a moment, and then nods, his lip caught between his lower lip like he wants to say something. He doesn't, and Hanbin watches as he heads down the hallway to deliver the two member's food. As soon as Hao is out of sight, Hanbin slumps against the counter. It's like his entire being is on alert when Hao is around. Every neuron firing at rapid speed, the Tiny Hanbin's running around his brain trying to come up with something to say that doesn't push them over the edge of the cliff they're both standing on. He wants to address last night. He wants to just say fuck it and tell Hao how he feels, how he's felt , for a while now. 

Throughout the day memories kept flooding inside his mind, each one more embarrassing than the last. The strange thing was, Hao seemed to be acting normal. Sure there were a few awkward lapses here and there but their interactions at practice had been all fun and games. The ride back to the dorm was filled with small talk. Even just now, Hao had no issue laughing and joking with Hanbin. 

Maybe Hanbin was just overthinking. Maybe the interaction wasn't as weird as he imagined. Maybe Hao was just truly a good friend to him and saw his acts last night as those of foolish drunken stupor. 

They sit side by side on Hao's tiny bed as they munch on their dinner. Ricky had swooped in at the last moment and claimed the living room television, leaving them with the only option of Hao's laptop and empty room. 

They're about two feet apart and the laptop sits propped up in between them. They had decided to pick a random movie, some indie film that was trending in Korea, and sat down in silence to watch. 

Everything is going fine. Great. Dandy. Until a specific scene plays. It's the main character and main love interest on the screen. They're a stale couple and are looking to try new things in bed and as they fail their relationship grows further. It's supposed to be a romantic comedy of sorts. The scene is: They're in bed, just finished having sex, and they try for another round. The main love interest makes a comment about roleplay. The main character jokes about becoming a cat for them. 

The air fills with tension. Hanbin struggles not to look at Hao directly. Suddenly, every bite of food is painfully loud. The main character meows on screen and they engage in a, quite frankly, very hard to watch roleplay scene. Had they watched this two days ago, they might have laughed. Hao might have joked about Hanbin being the main character with the way he meows randomly through the dorm. Hanbin might have laughed under a hidden range of emotions. 

But it's not two days ago, it's now , and Hanbin's temperature is beginning to rise and he's trying his hardest not to rip the blanket off. He wonders if Hao can feel the heat radiating off of him.

The movie comes to an end and the end credits roll. They haven't looked at, or spoken to, each other since the movie started. Hanbin's afraid of what he might see if he looks into Hao's eyes. Afraid of what Hao might see in his. 

Hao clears his throat and shuts his laptop. 

"So… what'd you think?" He's poking at the leftover pieces of kimchi cucumber with his chopsticks. 

Hanbin shuts his eyes, still too afraid to look at Hao. The air feels thick like a sweltering humidity has seeped inside the room. He feels Hao's weight shift beside him and he opens his eyes. Hao's looking at him with an unreadable expression. 

Hanbin hates awkwardness. He despises it. Whenever there was a weird tension between the members he would always try to relieve it, or get them to talk to each other about it. He wants to bring up last night, he knows if he could just get it out of the way everything could go back to normal. To Hanbin and Hao. The duo that the fans love so much, that has so much chemistry it seeps through the screen in contents. 

He can't, because he's scared. He's scared that Hao will just wave him off and say that it's okay, when it's not okay. It's not okay because Hanbin has feelings for Hao. 

"Bin," he starts to speak but Hanbin cuts him off. If he doesn't say this now he never will. 

"Hyung," Hanbin's mind is racing a mile a minute as he speaks, "I'm sorry for making it awkward between us–"

"You didn't make anything awkward between us," Hao interrupts. Hanbin shakes his head.

"I did. And that's okay. And what I'm going to say now is probably going to make it worse but," Hanbin exhales, the room is spinning and he feels dizzy with emotion, "I like you. I've liked you since Boys Planet. I know you feel something too, because if you didn't, then last night wouldn't have been as weird as it was." Hao opens his mouth, but no words come out. He's toying with the skin around his nails and Hanbin struggles to resist the urge to grab his hand.

"Please say something," Hanbin pleads. His heart is pounding. He just wants Hao to say something . 

Then there's noise coming from outside the room. The sound of footsteps and laughter and settling. The members are home. 

"We should probably clean up before…" Hao's eyes turn towards the door. Hanbin's heart sinks.

"Hyung–" But he doesn't get to finish before Gunwook bursts into the room. Hanbin sighs defeated, and grabs his trash, nodding at Gunwook as he exits. He doesn't spare Hao a single glance. 

(・。・)

Their comeback preparations are a blessing and curse. A blessing, because the awkward avoiding of Hanbin around the dorm was getting a bit too much to handle. A curse because, even though there was a lot more space to avoid each other, they were now forced to be around each other more often.

The tension doesn't go unnoticed by the rest of the members. It's equally amusing and embarrassing for them to watch them awkwardly glance at each other with every step or interaction they had. It was reminiscent of their 'Here I Am' days, when Hao couldn't even look at Hanbin during their pair dance. 

It's during their most recent practice when things take a turn for the worst. Hao and Hanbin are paired for a duo dance. Between the two of them, they had messed up the small section more than ten times in the last hour causing the members and their choreographer to groan in frustration. 

Three torturous hours later, they're dismissed. Hao all but runs across the room to his bag, tossing on his sweater and beanie when he hears, "Except you two." 

He doesn't need to turn around to know who is being spoken to. He watches as the other members leave, some too exhausted to spare them a second glance, and some of them lingering nosily to catch a whiff of the trouble. 

Once everyone has dispersed, they're called to the center of the room. 

"Sit," their instructor demands and they follow. He sighs, rubbing a hand across his beanie clad head before he speaks again, "What is up with you two? I've seen the both of you memorize choreography for a whole song in a day and perfect it the next. This is so unlike you guys." 

They're silent. Hao is staring at a scuff mark on the floor. He feels two pairs of eyes on him. Hanbin is the first to speak.

"Sorry hyung-nim, I think the hiatus got the best of us. We will work harder." He looks over at Hanbin whose head is bowed almost to the floor. Hao mirrors him. 

The answer seems to satisfy their instructor who stands up and says, "Get up." They both rise speedily to their feet.

"Now, I want everything learned today to be perfected by tomorrow. No mistakes. I don't care if it takes you all night." His voice is stern, a no-nonsense tone to it. 

"Yes sir." They say in unison. 

He waves them off and heads over to his own corner, grabbing his things before he bids them a tiresome farewell. 

The practice room is silent sans the quiet thumping of music in the adjoining room. 

"Thanks." Hao says quietly, finally looking at Hanbin. 

Hanbin nods him off dismissively and says, "Let's practice." 

Really, there was no need for this additional practice. They both know the choreography. The issue was with each other. They needed to talk . Hao realizes this, yet the words don't come to him. 

After that day, Hao's mind had run rampant with thoughts. Hanbin liked Hao. He knew that Hao liked him, and yet they were in this stalemate, this limbo that neither of them knew how to escape. 

Hao had never let his mind go as far as to imagine them in a relationship. They're idols. Every move, thought, look, is highly critiqued and watched. There is no privacy, no chance of going out on dates, or being affectionate in public. 

But now that all of the cards were on the table, Hao let his thoughts wander. If it would be possible. His mind was saying no, but his heart was screaming yes. His heart was saying fuck it . He so badly wanted to listen to it. 

The additional practice was going as well as it could. It had been an hour and they managed to slightly refine the choreography, but Hao would still flinch when Hanbin's touch landed on him. Hanbin would blush whenever their gazes landed upon each other.

After an hour, they're exhausted, from both avoiding each other and actually attempting to practice. 

"Uh," Hao says from across the room. They're on a water break and Hanbin is scrolling on his phone, "It's been an hour, do you think we're good?" 

"I don't know, are we?" Yikes . Hanbin doesn't even look up from his phone. 

Hao sighs. I'm probably gonna regret this , he thinks.

"Can we talk?"

Hanbin looks up at this and Hao swears he sees a glint of fear flash in his eyes before settling back to a semi stoic expression. He nods but doesn't make any movement. 

Hao pads across the room warily. He eyes the bench that Hanbin is sitting on and debates whether or not to sit next to him. He sits. Hanbin feels tense beside him but he doesn't move.

"Hanbin," Hao rarely uses Hanbin's full name, and the use of it startles him slightly, "I– I like you. You already know that, I guess, and I want this," he gestures vaguely between the two of them, "to work out but… I don't know what this is." 

Hanbin is silent beside him, an unreadable expression plastered on his face. Hao takes this as a sign to keep going. 

"I'm scared," Hao shifts slightly and his leg brushes against Hanbin. He doesn't flinch. "I'm scared by how much I want you. I don't want to ruin things between us or between the group. This past week… has been one of the hardest weeks I've had in a while. I don't know how long I've liked you, hell, maybe subconsciously I've always liked you and it just took me this long to figure it out or to admit it to myself. I just know that I don't want things to change between us." 

Hao's rambling at this point, just saying any and everything that comes to his mind. He reaches for Hanbin's hand and Hanbin lets him, his fingers loose in Hao's grip. 

"I want to be with you, even if it's inconvenient or unconventional or whatever it may be. I just want you." He says the last part barely above a whisper. 

The thumping in the room next door has ceased, a sign that whoever was next door has probably left. Hao makes the mistake of looking down at Hanbin's lips, slightly parted and pink. He looks up in an instant but it's too late, Hanbin's already noticed. Suddenly Hao's aware of how close they are. He can feel the heat radiating from Hanbin's thigh to his own.

"Can I kiss you?" Hanbin breathes out. 

They shouldn't. It was getting late and staff were bound to start checking for empty practice rooms soon. Anyone could walk in at any moment and see them. 

Hao nods, despite his thoughts, and shuts his eyes. For a moment, there's nothing, and then there's a warm hand on the crook of his neck and a pair of lips on his. He melts into the kiss and presses forward. It's quick, and within seconds they're off of each other. Hanbin's hand is still on Hao's neck and Hao's hand had absent-mindedly wound up in Hanbin's lap.

For a second, they just look at each other, and all of those worries and concerns from Hao's thoughts earlier are washed away. 

Hanbin's pupils are blown and his face is impossibly pink, his natural blush fanning across the span of his cheeks and onto his ears. Hao's thoughts flash back to the image of his flushed chest from that night.

Before his thoughts can develop any further, his lips are back on Hanbin's and they waste no time delving deeper into the kiss. They kiss for what seems like hours, the soft press of Hanbin's tongue is at his lips and he opens willingly. 

There's still a small nagging voice at the back of his head saying, stop, you shouldn't be doing this , but there was an even louder voice saying more, more.  

They break with a wet noise, panting and out of breath from the intensity of their kiss. Some time during, Hao's hands had tangled in Hanbin's hair and he chuckles as he gazes at the tousled mane upon his head. He reaches up to fix his hair and another flash, a memory, of that haunting night appears again. Hao flinches as if burned. 

A hurt expression mounts itself on Hanbin's face.

"I–" Hao hesitates and looks away from Hanbin briefly, unaware of how to state his next words. Finally he looks back at the boy and the words seem to flow out of his mouth despite himself, "I can't stop thinking about that night." 

He doesn't specify, but it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out exactly which night he was talking about. Hanbin bites his lip. His already red face, at Hao's words, seemed to grow redder. 

"Hyung…you know I would never purposely do anything to make you uncomfortable…" 

"I wasn't uncomfortable," Hao says a beat too fast, "at least, I can't say I didn't enjoy it." 

They're reaching uncharted territory. Sure, the feelings part was out of the way, but now they were addressing a deeper desire. Hao feels the butterflies in his stomach dive lower and lower until it reaches a heated stir. 

He had imagined it only a couple of times. Only allowed himself to imagine it a couple of times. His subconscious, however, he was not responsible for. There were the many dreams he had dreamt with Hanbin lying pliantly underneath him, that pretty flush adorned on his cheeks spreading further and further until it reached–

A knock at the door startles the two of them, and in an instant they're  foot apart on the bench. Hao eyes the clock above the mirror wall, it's nearing midnight. He sighs. There's a lingering tension between them but now's not the time to act. There's never going to be a time to act as long as they're surrounded by cameras and staff and members. 

Hanbin reaches over and squeezes Hao's hand as if he can read his thoughts. There's an acknowledgement between the two. They don't know exactly what it is, but they aren't in any rush to figure it out. 

(｀ヘ´)

The mood in the dorm is lifted. If the members notice, they don't comment on it, but he can tell by their grateful looks that they are appreciative of Hao and Hanbin making up. 

After the day in the practice room, they return back to their usual selves, with an extra boost of friendliness between them. A lingering touch here, a held gaze there, Hanbin going to brush his teeth while Hao's in the shower. If the members notice that, they also don't comment on it. 

They still haven't had any alone time and Hanbin's growing more and more frustrated by the minute. Apart from a couple of rushed handjobs in the bathroom, and one sloppy blowjob in which they were almost caught, (never again Hao had told him, much to Hanbin's disappointment) they hadn't had the time or space to do much.

Hanbin knew this would be their reality, and so did Hao, so neither of them could be too upset. But they could be frustrated. 

They're scheduled to perform at an overseas event, MCountdown in France, and there was a cheerful mood amongst the members. Many of them had not been before and there was a bubbling excitement throughout the dorm as they packed. Hanbin was excited for other reasons. Overseas events meant hotels. Hotels meant privacy, and that was something that they weren't afforded a lot of the time. 

Hanbin's bubble of excitement is busted as soon as they touch down in France. While they wait for their cars to arrive, the manager lines them up to announce their rooming arrangements for the days to come. 

"Matthew, you'll be with Gunwook. Gyuvin, you're with Yujin. Ricky you'll be rooming solo…" She squints at her phone as she reads the next two, "Jiwoong you're with Hao, and that leaves Hanbin and Taerae." 

Hanbin hopes no one can see his shoulders deflate as she speaks those last words. He meets eyes with Hao and can see his sullen expression. The rest of the members seem indifferent, more excited at the prospect of being in France than who they were sharing a room with. Even Ricky, who had the pleasure of an entire room to himself, shrugs at the news and goes back to playing on his phone. 

Maybe he could bargain with Ricky to take his solo room. No , Hanbin thinks, Ricky would never give up a solo room . He thinks of any incentives, something that might fuel Ricky to give it up, but comes up with none. 

He sighs in resolution. Perhaps he could get some alone time with Hao when the other members were out exploring. He recalls a conversation he had with Hao a few days earlier, 'I'm so excited! My first time in France. I hope we get to see lots of stuff .' He had said with a wistful expression on his face. Hanbin couldn't rob him of that. 

Taerae pads over to him, duffle in hand, and slaps a hand on his back.

"Guess it's you and I, roomie." If Taerae sees through his fake smile, he doesn't say a word. 

The night is uneventful, and Hanbin is almost too tired to eat his room service dinner after they've checked into the hotel. He turns on the camera for a bit, realizing he needs footage for his vlog, but turns it off soon after. Both he and Taerae are too tired for all of that. 

Taerae is asleep and Hanbin is scrolling through Twitter looking through his fan sites airport pictures when a notification banner pops up. It's a text from Hao that simply says, 'U up?'.

 Hanbin, whose eyes were slowly drooping as he scrolled, is suddenly wide awake. He swipes down on the notification and speedily taps out his response of, 'Yes.' 

For a minute, there's nothing. Hanbin clicks on his chat with Hao and sees the bold 'Read at 12:40am' beneath his text. He's about to send another text when he sees the three dots signaling that the other is typing. He doesn't even bother closing the app, instead he just stares at the dots waiting for Hao's reply. 

The reply is not in the form of a text, but instead a picture. It's dark in the photo, illuminated only by the front flash of the camera and he's laying down, presumably in the hotel bed. His hair is fanned out in a halo-like fashion on the pillow and he's in the fluffy white hotel robe. It's slightly loose at the top, revealing a sliver of collarbone. His eyes are lidded and his bare face slightly flushed. 

There's no accompanying text. Hanbin stares at the photo, mouth gaped, as the photo stares right back. He shifts in the bed so that he's half propped up on his elbow and slides down on the screen to lower his brightness. There's nothing even remotely bad about the picture, but he didn't want to risk Taerae waking to see him staring at a photo of Hao.

He bites his lip as he studies the image, zooming in to observe every small detail. His eyes are slightly red, probably from scrubbing off his eye makeup from earlier, or maybe due to tiredness. His mouth is parted, almost like he was mid gasp as he took the photo. 

Hanbin goes through a cycle of clicking out of the photo, preparing to send a text, typing, deleting it all, and then clicking back onto the photo. He does this for about two minutes straight before he receives another text. He's zoomed into Hao's collarbone as he looks up at the banner notification. The message, from Hao of course, reads: 'I'm thinking about you.' 

Hanbin doesn't get to reply before his phone starts to vibrate, startling him slightly. It's Hao. He curses underneath his breath, panicked. 

"Taerae," Hanbin whisper-shouts across the room. There's no response. 

"Taerae, are you awake?" His phone is still vibrating in his hand and he can almost sense Hao's impatience on the other line. On the bed beside him, Taerae doesn't even stir. 

Hanbin is suddenly struck with an idea and slowly tiptoes off of his bed and into the bathroom. He looks around and finds an extra towel and shoves it along the bottom crevice of the door for soundproofing. He nods at his handiwork and finally presses the green answer button. 

He doesn't say anything, and neither does Hao, so for a while they just silently breathe on the line. 

"Bin?" 

"Hyung," Hanbin breathes out. 

"What are you doing?" Hao asks, as if it's the most normal thing in the world. As if he hadn't just sent Hanbin a selfie equivalent to a Victorian lady showing her ankles. 

"Um, nothing. I was just scrolling through Twitter. What about you?" He says it in a way that makes it sound like he was doing everything but scrolling Twitter. His heart is beating frantically for some reason. 

"Hm," Hao hums and then Hanbin hears some shifting before he speaks again, "I was just thinking about you. Wanted to know if you were awake." 

"Ah," Hanbin says lamely, and then they're silent again. 

"Is Taerae asleep?" 

"Yup." His heart is doing double time. 

"Hm," Hao hums again and then says, "so is Jiwoong. With earplugs. You know, because I snore." He says this with implication in his tone. 

"Ah," Hanbin says again. His tongue feels swollen in his mouth and his brain is running a mile a minute and before he can stop himself he says, "I'm in the bathroom." 

"Oh?" He can practically see Hao's raised eyebrow as he speaks, "And what are you doing in there?" They're dancing around in circles, waiting for the other to initiate something. Hanbin has never in his life had phone sex and had no clue where to even begin. 

"I'm hard," Hanbin blurts out. 

Hao chuckles over the line and for a second Hanbin worries that he's said the wrong thing. 

"Really, baby? Me too." Baby .  Hanbin feels a flush begin to spread across his cheeks at the usage of the word. Hao's never called him that before.

Hanbin doesn't say anything. He's too embarrassed and filled with shame to respond. He thinks about Taerae in the room over, separated only by the thin bathroom wall. 

"Are you touching yourself?" Hao says and another wave of shame runs through Hanbin. He looks at himself in the mirror. His ears and cheeks are tomato red.

"N-no," Hanbin stutters. 

"I am," Hao says casually, as if discussing the weather, "I have been for a while. While I was thinking of you." 

Hanbin's eyes flutter shut and his hand begins to move on its own, as if possessed. He conjures up the image of Hao laying there in his white bathrobe , slenders fingers running along the length of his body, down to his cock. 

His hand reaches his bulge and he slowly begins to palm himself, the image of Hao's propped open lips on his mind, too vivid to handle. 

"Fuck, I'm so hard, " Hao's breath hitches slightly as he says this and Hanbin bites his lip to stifle a moan. His head falls back against the wall and he slides his hand into his briefs to tug at his cock.

"Hyung," Hanbin moans softly. He's still too embarrassed to say anything, his mind clouded with shame and pleasure.

"Are you touching yourself now?" Hao breathes out. 

Hanbin nods and lets out a small whimper as he thumbs at the tip of his cock, using the beads of precum as lubricant to slide down the rest. 

"Are you, baby? I can't hear you." 

"Yes," Hanbin moans a little too loudly, and then a bit quieter says, "Yes, I'm touching myself." 

"Mm," Hao moans into the receiver. Hanbin briefly wonders how good Jiwoong's earplugs are. He hopes for everyone's sake they're good. 

His legs are beginning to feel weak, so he slides down the wall until he's sitting. He lifts his hips to shimmy his shorts and briefs down to his ankles and flinches slightly when his bare ass touches the cold tiled floor. The precum is not enough, the slide too dry, so he spits into his hand to use it as lubricant. 

He bites back a moan as he strokes his cock, the slide now slick with spit. On the other line he hears Hao's quiet breathy moans and reddens as he imagines him, three rooms over, touching himself while he listens to Hanbin. 

He's getting close now and he's biting his lip with vigor, thanking the heavens that they don't have an actual schedule tomorrow other than rehearsals. Their stylist would have killed him had he shown up with puffy red lips in the morning. 

"I'm close," Hanbin whispers, his eyes squeezed so tight he can almost see stars. 

"Yeah?" Hao breathes, and Hanbin can tell by the edge in his voice that he is too.

"Yeah," Hanbin moans, again, a little too loud, but he's too focused on getting off to care about the man sleeping in the room over. His only thoughts are Hao, Hao, Hao.

"Wish I was there with you," Hao says, "touching you." 

Flashes of Hao jerking him off in the dorm bathroom appear in his mind. His long delicate fingers stroking Hanbin, his lips on Hanbin's neck leaving oh-so-careful kisses, his hand covering Hanbin's mouth as he whispers small hushes in his ear begging him to keep quiet. 

That last thought sends him over the edge, and he uses the crook of his elbow to muffle the loud moan that sounds as he releases into his fist. His ears are ringing slightly, but he can hear Hao's moans becoming pitched and whiny, a tell-tale sign that he's close. 

"Hyung," Hanbin sighs, "come for me." 

The line goes eerily quiet and then he hears a choked noise sound over the receiver. 

"Shit," Hao breathes out, and in that moment, shame washes over Hanbin. The realization of what they were doing hits him. Hao is in the room with Jiwoong. The only thing separating him and Taerae is the thin hotel bathroom wall. 

"Oh god," Hanbin says in horror, post-nut clarity hitting him hard. "I'm going to hell."

Hao chuckles over the line and there's shifting noises again and then the sound of water running. 

"Bin, you don't even believe in God." 

"That doesn't matter!" Hanbin whisper-shouts, "What if Jiwoong heard you? What if Taerae heard me ?" 

"Trust me, Jiwoong is out like a light. Plus, he made me do like, multiple snore tests to make sure that his headphones would block them out. I literally dropped my phone on the ground earlier and nothing." 

Hanbin feels a bit of relief at that but there's still Taerae. It wouldn't be the first time a member has been caught in the act, not even close, but if heard what was being said…there was no doubt he was talking with Hao. Hanbin was mortified. 

"Ugh, I'm all gross." Hanbin's legs are too weak to stand but he knows he must. He gathers any semblance of strength he has and uses his clean hand to sturdy himself as he stands. 

He hears a yawn over the receiver and some the sound of fabric rustling.

"Are you going to sleep?" Hanbin balances the phone in the crook of his neck as he washes his hands thoroughly.

"Mm," Hao hums and then another yawn sounds, making Hanbin yawn in turn. 

"Me too. Good night hyung," He says as he towels off his hands and maneuvers the phone back into them. 

"'Night Bin," Hao says sleepily.

They end the call and Hanbin lingers by the bathroom door, afraid of stepping outside. He half-thinks that Taerae will be standing right outside with a stern look on his face, or even worse, a look of disgust. He grabs the towel from the floor and folds it neatly, placing it back in its original position, and then does a quick 360 to make sure everything is nice and tidy.

He turns off the light before opening the door and uses the brightness of his phone screen to illuminate the path to his bed. 

He's halfway there when he hears stirring on Taerae's bed and freezes on the spot.

"Hanbin hyung?" Taerae mutters in his deep, sleep-filled voice. 

"Uh, yeah. It's me." 

"You okay?"

"Yup. Just had to pee." Hanbin hopes Taerae can't hear through the nervous quiver in his voice. 

"Okay." He stirs again and then falls back into slumber.

Hanbin lets out a sigh, his entire body shaking with nerves, and continues back to his bed.

Once he's settled, nestled in the bundle of cold hotel sheets, he opens up his messaging app again and types out a text to Hao, 'Might make it into heaven after all.'

( =＾ω＾) 

The members all gather at the first floor buffet area for breakfast the following morning. Now that they're all rested, the excitement for Paris is back in the air. 

Hao's sat at the end of the large, six-seat table when Hanbin shows up, Taerae following closely behind. Hao shoots him a knowing smile and Hanbin rolls his eyes as he pulls out the seat beside him while Taerae takes the seat across. 

"Good morning," Taerae mumbles. His hair is tucked into a snug beanie and he's bundled in a too-large hoodie. 

"Good morning," Hao smiles, "did you sleep well?

Taerae yawns and stretches his limbs upwards, reaching towards the sky. 

"I slept deliciously, man I was tired." He reaches across the table to pour himself a cup of complimentary coffee.

"Mm," Hao hums over his own cup and takes a sip, then turns to Hanbin, "how about you? 

Hao slides a hand onto Hanbin's thigh and he startles slightly under the touch. 

"Good. Great." Hanbin says a bit too fast, though, nobody would understand why. Except Hao, of course. "Slept through the entire night."

"Yeah except when you got up to pee. I thought I was hallucinating noise in the bathroom and then I heard you come out." Taerae replies, mixing in his sugar and cream into his coffee. He gives the spoon two taps on the rim of the mug before taking a large sip and exhaling out a loud 'ah'. He stands shortly after, stretching again, and then says, "I'm gonna grab some food." 

It's just Hanbin and Hao at the table now, the other members either still in bed or at the buffet. Hao shifts so that his body is facing Hanbin. 

"What?" Hanbin hates that all it takes is Hao's gaze to make him flush. 

"Nothing." Hao says, his hand shifting on Hanbin's thigh as he does. 

Jiwoong, Matthew, and Gunwook return from the buffet line, plates piled high with pastries and other various breakfast foods. They all should be on diets, but they're in Paris, the city of food and love, so their manager turns a blind eye when she sees their towered plates. 

"Hey hyung." Matthew greets, mouth full of croissant.

"Good morning." Hanbin waves to the group, "How did everyone sleep?" He tries not to eye Jiwoong as he speaks. 

He receives a mix of 'eh' and 'good' from Matthew and Gunwook. Jiwoong leans back in his seat with a smug smile and says, " I probably slept the best out of anyone. Noise canceling headphones baby."

The members gathered in Hanbin and Taerae's room. Gunwook, Matthew, Gyuvin, Yujin, and Taerae, after a long discussion, had decided to go out sightseeing. Hanbin had casually stated that he didn't feel like being out and would rather save his energy for the night time, as they were planning to go see the Eiffel Tower. He didn't miss Matthews' smug glance at him as he said, "Maybe you can do something with Hao hyung."

That is exactly his plan. He was a bit nervous. This would be their first time alone in a private space. Well, semi-private, as he still shared it with Taerae, but nonetheless it was the closest thing they've had to it. 

Hanbin paces around the room, anxiously waiting for Hao's arrival. He stops in front of the mirror at the entrance of the room several times to make sure his appearance is okay, despite the fact that Hao has seen him in the worst conditions. 

He's mid teeth-check when a knock sounds at the door. His heart lurches and he gives himself one last once over and takes a deep breath before opening. 

"Hi." All of his worries fade away when the sweet musky smell of Hao hits him. 

"Hi there," Hao looks at him expectantly and Hanbin realizes he's just been standing there, staring. He moves to the side and holds the door open for Hao to enter. 

Hanbin's heart is thrumming as he watches Hao walk through the room. He stops at the wide window and takes a second to admire the view.

"Our room is on the opposite side so our view is completely different." Hao says as he sticks his head out the window and follows the crowd of people with his eyes. 

"Mm," Hanbin hums, watching Hao as he leans against the entryway wall.

Hanbin knows what he wants. He's sure he knows what Hao wants. But there's something awkward about the initiation. Or maybe it's the fact that they've never gone all the way that keeps them both at an active distance. 

They've been in the room for about five minutes and neither of them have said what's on their mind. Each passing minute wasted on their stalling behavior. At one point, Hanbin pulls out the staff camera to vlog, even though he knows they have plenty of opportunity to do so during the rest of the trip. He knows he has plenty of footage already from the plane ride, and some he took earlier while the members were in his room. 

Hanbin is mid-vlog, showing Hao his makeshift eyepatch, when Hao cuts the camera. Hanbin is about to whine about potential lost footage until he looks up at the other.

There's a no-nonsense, 'alright you've had your fun' look in his eyes, and Hanbin gulps as he gazes into them. 

"Come here." Hao pats the space beside him on the bed and Hanbin all but throws the camera onto the floor and crawls up onto the bed in an almost Pavlovian response.

He's practically sitting on Hao's lap when the latter reaches up to brush the fringe out of his eyes, sending his heart into overdrive. It's moments like this, when it's just the two of them alone, that Hanbin lets himself feel. Lets himself imagine a world where it's just him and Hao, and the rest of the world ceases to exist. Where they can do, and be, anything they please. As he gazes into Hao's eyes he feels it. He lets his eyes flutter shut in a soft gesture, telling Hao, go ahead, kiss me.

And he does. 

Hao's hand brushes down the side of his face to cup his chin and then there's the feel of soft lips on his. It's gentle, compared to their rushed, messy, kisses back at the dorm. Hao's hand on his face feels almost invisible, like a shadow of him left behind. Hanbin presses deeper, wanting to feel the entire weight of Hao on him. Wanting to be consumed by it. 

He licks at Hao's lips and the other doesn't hesitate to let him in. And the gentleness is gone, replaced by want. Hao removes the cupped hand from Hanbin's face and guides it down to his waist, pushing slightly so that Hanbin shifts back against the headboard. 

Hanbin moans into the kiss as Hao settles in between his legs, the weight of Hao on him causing him to stir. He wants to devour Hao and simultaneously be devoured. He wants them to be one. 

"Hyung," Hanbin pants against Hao's lips. Hao's eyes are lidded and his lips are pink and puffy and pretty and Hanbin wants them everywhere. He gazes into Hao's eyes, giving him his best doe-eyed look and biting his lip. 

"Fuck," Hao dives back into the kiss and his hands are back on Hanbin, touching him everywhere. His hands slide underneath the hem of Hanbin's shirt and he shivers as the cold digits land on his skin below his ribcage.

Hanbin bucks his hips, looking for any kind of friction. It's not enough. Hao's hands are on him, his lips are on his, but somehow it's not enough. Hanbin needs more. 

He whines into the kiss, reaching behind Hao to press him closer. The position is awkward, Hao's lanky body pressed against his own as he sits against the headboard . Hao chuckles in realization and pulls away, much to Hanbin's dismay. 

"Uh," Hao scratches the back of his neck, "how do you…?" He trails off as he vaguely gestures in between the two of them. 

Hanbin's imagined this many times. He's pictured Hao on top of him, fucking him slowly while they hold hands and kiss. He's pictured being on top of Hao, his long legs wrapped around Hanbin's waist as he pounds into the other, his pouty lips gasping out his name. He's pictured it all. But today, there's something specific he wants. 

"I…," he almost can't make eye contact as he speaks, but he forces himself to, "I want you inside me." 

He feels the heavy weight of Hao's gaze on him. 

"Are you…you know…" he's never seen Hao this nervous before. The closest he's ever seen him was the night before the Boys' Planet finale, when they had anxiously expressed their worries about debuting. 

Hanbin nods. He had made a (very embarrassing) trip to the convenience store about a week ago, when Hao had been out with Gyuvin. He made sure to wear a mask and hat, along with his largest hoodie, as he purchased condoms and lube (and an enema). He still remembers the disgusted look of the ahjumma working the register as he placed the items on the counter.

Taerae had gone to Matthew and Gunwooks room to hang out for a bit the night prior, and Hanbin had used that as an opportunity to take a very detailed shower.

"Me too." Hao says, much to Hanbin's surprise. 

"Oh, um, we can– we can do that instead." 

"No!" Hao exclaims and then clears his throat. "I mean, I want to…um. I want to fuck you." 

"Okay," Hanbin blushes and then he remembers . "Wait!" Hao startles at the suddenness of his shout. 

"Wait here." Hanbin scoots off the bed and rushes towards his luggage. Hao curiously peers around Hanbin as he digs through it. Hanbin turns around, hunched, as if attempting to hide something. 

"Go lay down." Hanbin commands. "And close your eyes." 

Hao follows his instruction without hesitation, immediately scooching back towards the head of the bed and lying down. Hanbin nods with a triumphant smile and pulls out what he was looking for. 

There are sounds of Hanbin padding around the room, into the bathroom, back into the room, and then more digging through the luggage. Hao shifts on the bed impatiently. 

"No peeking!" Hanbin shouts.

"I'm not!" Hao retaliates. There's more shuffling and then Hao feels a dip on the bed.  He shivers as Hanbin runs a hand up his leg and up towards his thigh, stopping right before it reaches his groin, and then does the same with the other hand. There's another shift on the bed and then Hanbin's hands are running up his thighs, up the sides of his hips, until they stop at his chest. At the same time, Hanbin is climbing the expanse of Hao, until he's straddled on top of his lap.

Hao doesn't open his eyes, because Hanbin hasn't told him he can yet. Hanbin shifts again to sturdy himself and in the process brushes up against his bulge, causing Hao to let out a low moan, hands flying up to seek purchase on Hanbin's hips. On top of Hao, Hanbin lets out an outright, genuine, giggle. 

“Open,” Hanbin's voice sounds from above Hao. Hao’s eyes flutter open, and the sight in front of him knocks the wind out of his lungs. On top of him, Sung Hanbin sits in his black hoodie. Just in his black hoodie. That is, except for a familiar pair of white ears perched atop his head. The ears that Hao had shoved deep, deep , into his memories, hoping to never be seen again. But here they are, up close and personal, and Hao is at a loss for words. 

"Is it too much?" Hanbin deflates as he speaks, "If it's too much I can–"

"No!" Hao reaches up to grab Hanbin's wrist that was on its way to undo the clip and brings it back down to his chest. His pupils are blown wide and he's more flushed than Hanbin has ever seen him. 

They haven't spoken about The Cat Situation since the night of their first kiss, and even then it had only been brief. Hao was willing to entertain the fact that Hanbin was into…whatever this was. He didn't know if it was because it was Hanbin , or if this was genuinely something he was also into, but he did know the way that his cock stirred at the sight of the boy on top of him said enough. 

"Keep them on. Please." Hao's looking up at him with an unreadable expression and Hanbin just nods, his hands sliding down to Hao's ribcage. 

He's leaning forward for a kiss when his phone rings obnoxiously from the nightstand. He ignores it in favor of leaving a trail or kisses along Hao's jawline and down his neck. His hands are underneath Hao's shirt and Hao's hands are slowly traveling down his back further and further–

His phone rings again and Hao's hands are off of him. Hanbin groans in frustration.

"Just pick it up." He can tell Hao's annoyed as well as he reaches over to grab his phone.

"What." Hanbin huffs into the receiver. 

"Woah," Matthew replies with a slight chuckle, "am I interrupting something?" 

"Yes, you are," he looks down at Hao and he doesn't know what possesses him to shift his hips, but he does, and Hao's hands are back on him. Gotcha. "What do you want?" 

"Okay, rude. Just wanted to let you know we just got to the restaurant and are gonna go sightseeing afterwards so… we won't be back for a couple of hours. Enjoy." His hips are still moving and Hao shoots him a glare, but doesn't do anything to stop him. 

"Oh we will. Bye." He hangs up and debates turning off his phone but decides to keep it on in case they decide to come back early. He tosses it onto the chair beside the bed and turns his attention back to Hao. 

"Okay, where were we?" Hao slides his hands up to Hanbin's shoulder blades and nudges him forward slightly. 

Hao's lips are back on his in an instant and Hanbin can't help but moan as his cock brushes against the bulge in Hao's pants. Their chests are pressed together and Hao's hands have made them into the hair at the base of Hanbin's neck, careful to avoid the mounds perched atop his head. 

Hao tugs at the roots of his hair, sending a shiver down his spine, and begins to leave a trail of open mouthed kisses down Hanbin's neck. 

"Hyung," Hanbin moans. He needs more, and Hao seems to understand. 

"Did you pack lube?" Hao breathes out in between kisses. 

Hanbin nods and gestures towards the foot of the bed where he had placed them earlier. Hao lifts himself up and Hanbin slides off of his lap onto the bed. 

Hao tosses the lube and packet of condoms further up the bed and turns back towards Hanbin.

"Hyung," Hanbin whines. He's laying on the bed now and his hair is sticking up wildly, the darkness of it contrasting with the whiteness of the ears.  "You're wearing too many clothes." 

Hao chuckles and starts undressing himself, starting with his pants and then moving onto his shirt, leaving him with only his briefs. Hanbin oggles his bulge. He realizes that he's never seen Hao fully naked before, and that Hao's never seen him fully naked. Suddenly he's self conscious as Hao goes to unzip his hoodie, and he rushes to grab his wrist to stop him. Hao raises a brow.

"Bin…" Hao raises his other hand to brush the fringe out of his hair and then rubs a soothing thumb along the side of his face. Hanbin melts into the touch, hesitantly releasing Hao's wrist from his grip, "Let me take care of you."

Hao slowly begins to undo the zipper, carefully eyeing Hanbin as he does, and Hanbin watches him back, lip caught in between his teeth. 

He doesn't open the hoodie once it's unzipped. Instead, he slides his hands up the expanse of Hanbin stomach until he reaches his chest, and thumbs at the pink buds. 

Hanbin moans, head digging further into the pillow as Hao begins to move his thumbs in circles, the sensitive nubs hardening underneath his touch. Hanbin's always been sensitive, and it doesn't help that his naturally warm body reacts to Hao's cold hands. 

Hao leans forward to press a kiss onto Hanbin's tattoo and then another onto his left collarbone, and then his right, and then further down to take one of the buds into his mouth.

"Ah!" Hanbin moans, his hands shooting up to grip Hao's shoulders. 

He releases the bud with a small bite that has Hanbin writhing in pleasure and continues his journey downward. His eyes are on Hanbin the entire time, and when he reaches his waistband he leaves a small mark.

He's sucked Hao off before, once, in the dorm bathroom after a particularly stressful day of tightly packed schedules. The members had all retreated to bed, or so they thought, and so they snuck off into the bathroom giggling. Hanbin had Hao pressed against the bathroom door and was on his knees going to town, when Hao felt the door shift behind him. Their eyes had both shifted to the unlocked lock in a panic. Luckily, the weight of Hao's body against the door had deterred the member from outright walking in, and Hao was able to call out a shaky, 'One second!'

They had never attempted it again. And now here Hao was, hovering on top of Hanbin's pliant body, reaching towards his waistband and Hanbin couldn't help but feel nervous. 

Hao, an expert at reading him at this point, runs a gentle hand up his thigh. The relief of his cold hands (How were his hands always so cold?!) helps to relax Hanbin, and he feels his body slowly melt into the mattress. 

Hao slowly begins to tug at the waistband of Hanbin's briefs and he lifts his hips to assist. And then he's naked, and can't help but try to hide himself in shame. The times that Hao's seen his cock have all been during hurried handjobs where he's not really paying attention to the equipment, more focus on getting the job done. And quickly. So the fact that Hao is eye level with his everything is making him blush furiously. 

"Spread your legs for me," Hao says gently and despite the embarrassment coursing through his veins, Hanbin easily complies, lifting and opening his legs so he's fully on display. 

"So pretty," he feels the ghost of Hao's breath on him and a shiver runs down his spine. Then there's the feeling of Hao's slender fingers wrapping around his cock. 

He can't help the moan that falls from between his lips, too loud, but they're finally alone and he thinks it's very warranted given the situation. His head buries further into the pillows as he struggles not to prevent his hips from jumping at the contact, his hands gripping the sheets beside him in an effort to control himself. 

The second Hao's hand slides down to the base of his cock, though, all effort is lost and his back arches involuntarily. 

Hanbin closes his eyes, mind clouded with pleasure. The feeling of Hao's hand on him is too good, and the intimacy, the domesticity of it all sends waves of bliss down his body. He knows he probably looks absolutely fucked right now even though they've barely begun but his mind is too wrapped up in Hao to give into embarrassment. 

The feeling of wet lips on his cock sends him out of his thoughts and back into reality. His eyes shoot open and the sight in front of him has him gasping. Hao's pink lips are wrapped around the head of his cock, eyes lidded as he watches Hanbin watch him. Another moan slips out but his eyes don't leave Hao's. They can't. He needs to commit this to memory. Needs to study every last detail of this moment. 

Then Hao is engulfing him completely, his fingers pressed into either of Hanbin's thighs. He hopes they bruise. He's still watching Hao, whose eyes are now screwed shut as he sucks Hanbin off with vigor. A hand leaves Hanbin's thigh and makes its way back to his cock as he strokes the base, sucking at the tip and then presses his tongue onto the underside. 

The sight is completely filthy and Hanbin presses his barely-there nails into his palms to prevent himself from coming at the image. As if Hao can read his mind, he slows his strokes, squeezing Hanbin gently as he goes. Hanbin's lids flutter shut, his eyes rolling to the back of his head as he lets out a long groan. He can't remember the last time he was this turned on. 

There's shifting and an awkward pacing of Hao's strokes and then Hanbin hears a 'pop' sound. A few seconds pass, Hao's hand is still on him (it's a miracle he hasn't come yet) and then he feels a wetness further down. 

He flinches slightly, letting out a small 'ah' as Hao begins to massage his entrance with a lubed digit. His legs widen involuntarily. 

"Fuck," Hao breathes out. His voice is slightly raspy, probably due to having Hanbin's cock down his throat just a few minutes ago, "You don't know how good you look right now." 

Hanbin isn't able to respond because then there's a pressure as Hao's finger wiggles itself inside him and his words are cut off by a long, drawn out moan. His other hand has made it to the inside of Hanbin's thigh and he absentmindedly strokes the flesh with his thumb in a soothing downward motion. He's still slightly loose from the prep he did last night and the thought of Hao's fingers being the ones inside him sends him into overdrive. 

"Hyung," Hanbin pants, "please." 

He looks down at Hao. His pupils are blown and his lips are wet and shiny and he looks so fucking hot . Hanbin is hit with another wave of carnal desire. 

Hao nods and then there's another digit inside him in an instant. The stretch is barely there and it feels all too good that Hanbin is begging for another.

Hao reaches over for the lube, squeezes some more onto his fingers, and then the squelch of another finger entering him echoes across the room. 

Hanbin is a mess, his hips moving (this time, voluntarily) as he tries to fuck himself down onto Hao's fingers. The stretch of them burns, but Hanbin likes the pain, likes the way it makes all feel so real . He can feel the flush of his face, the burn in his ears that reaches down his neck and across his chest. Hao is fucking him eagerly now in a pattern. Fingers down to the knuckle, spread, curl, and then out again. The sounds of squelching, Hanbin's whimpers, and Hao's pants circle the room. 

A sting of pleasure shoots up Hanbin's spine as Hao finds his prostate, and one of his hands fly down to Hao's own, wrapping it in an excruciating grip. 

"Ge," Hanbin whimpers. "Gege," his eyes find Hao's again and he sees something snap in him. 

His pace slows and then stops altogether, and then his fingers are out of Hanbin. Hanbin would mourn the loss only if he didn't know what was to come next. 

Hao's on his knees in an instant, towering over Hanbin. He can only imagine how wrecked he looks now. He can feel the sheen of sweat that engulfs his body and Hao's gaze suddenly turns soft as he reaches down to brush the matted hair from his eyes. His eyes are suddenly locked onto something else.

"Wish I could take a picture of you," his thumb brushes against Hanbin's cheekbone and his eyes flutter shut at the touch. "I wonder how the fans would feel knowing their precious Hanbin likes to get fucked with cat ears on. I bet they wouldn't be surprised." 

He knows they wouldn't, and the thought of that embarrassingly makes his cock throb. 

Hao leans forward and presses their lips together, his tongue finding Hanbin's quickly. His hands find Hao's back, pressing them closer and closer together until their sweaty chests are merged. 

They seperate with a wet noise and a string of saliva that turns Hanbin on more than it should. Hao eyes him for a brief moment and then his attention focuses back to the task at hand.

He pulls his briefs down mid-thigh, not even bothering to get them fully off, and reaches over to grab a condom from beside Hanbin. He notices Hao's hands slightly tremble as he rips the package open and his heart skips a beat. He hadn't figured Hao might also be nervous. Suddenly, his body is considerably more relaxed and his hands reach up to thumb Hao's hip bones.

Hao shoots him a soft smile and nods. Hanbins eyes squeeze shut at the feeling of Hao's cock pressing against his entrance. His hands shoot up, reaching for Hao, needing to have him as close as physically possible. 

Hao leans forward again, this time caging Hanbin's head in between his hands.  Hanbin's jaw falls slack and his eyebrows furrow at the feeling of Hao sinking deeper and deeper into him. The stretch burns. It's been a while since he's had something this big inside of him, but then he remembers it's Hao and it transforms his pain into pleasure. His nails are digging into Hao's skin, sure to leave crescent shaped marks. 

Hao stills once he's fully settled into Hanbin, small gasps and pants seeping through the silence. Hanbin opens his eyes. Hao's eyes are screwed shut, his lips puffy from biting them, and the tips of his hair are soaked with sweat. 

He counts the moles on his face as he waits for his body to adjust to the size of Hao inside of him. Hao flinches, eyes shooting open, when Hanbin's hand moves to brush against the one underneath his eye. 

They're looking at each other again, their expressions saying everything that their words can't. Hao reaches up to grip Hanbin's own hand and removes it from his face, pressing it gently against the mattress. At the same time, he rolls his hips testing out the water. The gesture creates a filthy noise that sends a shiver down Hanbin's spine, and he lets out a moan. 

Hanbin whines, using his free hand to scratch at Hao's back, desperate for something. Hao grabs it and pins it to the mattress, mimicking the other, and interlocks their fingers as he begins to roll his hips again.

The pace is steady, slow, and Hanbin cowers under the intensity of Hao's gaze. He's watching Hanbin earnestly, gauging each of his reactions as he fucks into him slowly, listening to each whine and whimper that falls from his lips. Reading him, like he always does. 

"Look at my pretty kitty," Hao breathes out. Hanbin moans at the words, his back arching as he tries to get Hao to pick up the pace, but Hao continues on his own. "So good for me, Bin. So good for hyung." 

Hanbin squeezes their interlocked hands, his body writhing with the need for more. 

"Hyung," Hanbin whines, "Hao–fuck." He shudders as Hao delivers a particularly deep thrust. His pace is still slow, but Hanbin is so full, every inch of him filled with Hao. His chest feels heavy, even though Hao is inches away from him, and the sweltering heat of the room is making his head foggy. 

"Please," Hanbin pleads. "What do you want me to do? I—Kitty will be better. I'll do anything. Please." He's desperate at this point, words tumbling out of his mouth without purpose. 

"F–fuck," Hao stutters, his hips slowing until he comes to a full stop. His hands leave Hanbin's and he shifts so he's upright on his knees. He runs a shaky hand through his hair, drops of sweat falling onto Hanbin as he does. 

His hands settle into Hanbin's hips, digging into the flesh right above his hip bones, and then his own hips are moving, driving into Hanbin at a steady pace. Hanbin's hands, now free, reach for Hao and press into the skin of his thighs, pulling, begging him for more. 

Hao finally complies. His pace slowly picks up, until suddenly he's fucking into Hanbin with vigor, lips bitten bloody as he tries to contain his moans. Hanbin won't have that. One of his hands leaves Hao's thigh and makes it up to his mouth. Two fingers slide inside and the feeling of Hao's warm tongue swirling around them sends Hanbin reeling. Hao moans are filthy, drawn out and high-pitched matching Hanbin's own whimpers. 

"Bin, fuck," Hao slurs around Hanbin's fingers. There's a string of drool falling down the corner of his mouth and Hanbin uses his thumb to wipe it up. "It's too much." His hips are stuttering, a sign that he's close, and Hanbin wraps his legs tighter around Hao. 

"Come inside me." He's wearing a condom but the words still shock Hao, enough that his hips stutter and still, doing just that. 

After a few moments of stillness his hips are moving, even in post-orgasm sensitivity, in an attempt to get Hanbin off. Hanbin removes his fingers from Hao's mouth and uses the slickness from his saliva to pump himself. Hao's brows are furrowed and Hanbin can tell he's pushed himself past his limit. Fucking Hanbin even though it hurts. His fingers grip the sheets beside Hanbin, knuckles almost fully white and his hips erratic. 

Hanbin uses his other hand to grip the back of Hao's neck, forcing their lips together. They're both panting and moaning so it's not much of a kiss, but the closeness of it all, the feeling of Hao's chest on his, is overwhelming and Hanbin spills over into his fist as a result. 

His ears are ringing, eyes screwed shut, as he rides out his orgasm. His entire body is tense and it takes a few seconds for him to process that Hao is speaking.

"Bin," Hao's voice comes to him, "Bin it hurts."

Hanbin takes a couple more seconds to come to the realization that Hao is still inside him and relaxes his body the best he can. Hao slips out of him with a wince and, with wobbly legs, walks himself to the bathroom. 

He returns with a wet washcloth and gently takes his time wiping Hanbin clean (as clean as you can get without a shower, but showering is the furthest thing from Hanbin's mind right now). When he's done, he tosses the washcloth into the hamper and settles into the bed, fixing Hanbin so he's nestled into his side. 

They're both quiet, enjoying a post-coital silence, until a loud sob sounds from Hao's side.

"Bin?" Hao sits up. "Bin, are you okay?" His hands are on Hanbin's face in a moment, wiping the tears from his eyes.

"Yeah," Hanbin says, "I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm crying. I just–" He starts and then another loud sob follows, his head burying itself into Hao's chest. 

"Shh, it's okay," Hao traces a pattern down the path of Hanbin's spine and back up, "you don't have to tell me." 

Hanbin shakes his head into Hao's chest and for a minute he just cries. He cries and Hao lets him. Hanbin sniffles and lifts his head. 

"I," he hesitates, "I don't want this to be over." 

Hao's hand halts. 

"Wh– I don't understand." He shifts slightly so he's facing Hanbin directly. "Why would this be over?" 

"I don't know, I just thought maybe," he turns away from Hao, suddenly interested in the details of the sheets, "maybe this was our endgame. That when you said you wanted me, maybe this is all you wanted."

"Hanbin, look at me." He turns, hesitant, towards Hao. He feels small under the weight of Hao's gaze. "When I said I liked you, I meant it. And when I said I didn't know what this," he gestures between them, "is, I also meant that. I don't know if we can be boyfriends, but I want to be yours. As much as I can be yours. And I want you to be mine."

Hao grabs Hanbin's chin, gently tugging him forward and presses a chaste kiss to his lips. Hanbin sighs into the kiss and once they part Hao shoots an eyebrow at him. 

"Is that okay?" 

Hanbin nods. "I'm sorry for being dramatic."

"Bin, don't apologize. You're not dramatic. I like you. I'm sorry that I can't promise more right now." 

Hanbin shakes his head and nestles his head back into Hao's chest. After a while they're going to have to clean up and greet the members. Pretend everything's normal. Greet the fans tomorrow and try not to act like they didn't experience today. Hao's going to have to pretend like his heart doesn't skip a beat when Hanbin glances in his direction. Hanbin will have to stop his hands from wandering, from touching what he wants to so badly. 

But for the moment, with the comforting weight of their bodies on each other, the sound of Hao's steady heartbeat in his ears, they let this be their reality. 

(　・３・)

They're dressed and fed, thank god for delivery service, when the other members return back to the hotel. The members headed back to their own rooms to shower and recuperate before their afternoon schedules. 

Hanbin had made sure to request some new sheets and opened their window to air it out a bit, hoping to rid the room of any evidence of their nefarious activities. 

The sound of the door unlocking draws their attention to the front of the room. In walks a smiley Taerae with a grocery bag in hand.

"Oh, Hao-hyung. Didn't know you'd still be here. Wanna see what I got?" He dangles the bag in front of them and it makes a loud whoosh noise as it moves.

"Sure." Hao throws himself onto Hanbin's bed and the other follows, careful to distance himself. 

"Okay," Taerae says giddily as he empties the contents onto his own bed. A small, circular object bounces off of the bed and rolls onto the floor beside Hanbin's own bed. 

"Ugh, hold up." He reaches down to grab the object and Hao tenses up as his gaze follows him. "What the–" He holds up one fluffy, white, triangular object in his hands, and examines it confusedly until realization hits him. 

"Wh–" He eyes the two of them, and Hanbin has always been too bad at hiding his emotions. Damn his natural blush. 

"Ugh gross!" The object flies from his hand and lands on his bed and he quickly pushes it off, disgusted. "I thought it smelled funky in here! You two are fucking! I knew it!" 

The two of them are at a loss for words, mouths gaped but no words coming out. Taerae speaks again before either of them have the chance.

"Geum Joohyun owes me a lot of money."