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The evening was slowly dark and the party had died down, the college sparse of young adults other than two of them.
Q and El had done this almost secretly the last few nights -- just laying within each other's embrace , normally Q was the little spoon yet tonight Eliot was the one cuddling into Quenin’s chest. The two never spoke about this but it became a natural remedy if their emotions came too much.
Quentin smoothed his fingertips through the curls earning a pleased low hum as he noticed El nuzzle into closer- his long arms holding on more tightly than their last few nights together. Eliot needed someone like Q to ground him, to bring him back without needing drugs , alcohol or a drunken one night stand -- this was so much healthier and it was with someone he trusted with his life.
The smaller male shifted so he could become more comfortable , knocking a leg down onto the floor from the sofa - yet it didn't disturb his crush at all. Quentin watched the brunette's breathing , it was steady ; almost like he was asleep and it wasn't the first time they had an hour or two sleeping within each other's arms. Q took the quietness of the room to close his eyes -- to feel the weight of another person holding him was comforting and the best feeling he had felt for a while...Eliot was almost like a weighted blanket. The two came from two different upbringings , their own trauma and depression was their own but they were able to find this middle ground...it was mostly El who told him it was alright to have times when you need the support of other people..yet that silly man never heard to his own advice normally but that is how he was.
Yet he remembered it was yesterday how this cuddle puddle time even started , it was late evening when he couldn't sleep as the leaking doubt and sorrow clung on to Q like a wet blanket.
At the time he was nose deep in a book , which was not noticeable as his sleep deprived state made the words he was reading a blur so much that he didn't hear anyone come back down the stairs. Q had no concept of time when he was that deep in his own depression but before he knew it he was wrapped lightly in the longer arms of the taller male - not too tight and not light enough for the darkness to pull him in..
That is how this -- this most pleasant moment started and Q wished to remember it forever.
The room fell silent , other than some steady sounds of breathing from our two magicians. Eliot shifted because all this time he had been fully relaxed , not asleep like little Q thought but he wouldn't allow that to show. The brunette glanced at the pretty face of his best friend , God that super nerd was a real catch and the silly boy didn't know how deep he truly was even if he had never admitted how he felt.
Well not...yet..
Eliot rolled his tongue against his lips as he shifted even closer , allowing himself the thought of touching the forbidden happiness he limited himself from. He hovered his lips above Q's , feeling hot breathing against his lips before the hard pull on his gut made him sneer back as his doubt clouded the very want of being with Q , it scared him to his core...it shook his ego and he wasn't used to anyone doing that.
He groaned in frustration and sorrow for his own self pity before just laying his head back upon Q's chest - he felt almost disgusted with himself as this shyness isn't his normal persona , no one other than Margo knew this about him and to let anyone else in was overwhelming.
The silence echoed in the once filled room now El was fully awake , his inner demons trying to sneak their way back into his every thought.. he had to focus all his thoughts back on Quentin but wouldn't that make him like a love sick puppy even so it's better than what he often would think about himself. Quentin sighed in his sleep and shifted the hand that was still tangled within the familiar curls - a short tug brought Eliot back to him without him knowing it.
The taller male laid there for a moment , taking in what he could do within this moment ; he would happiness just go back to sleep but Q’s comfort was more nagging at him right now. He cleared his throat as he moved carefully - allowing Q’s fingertips to slip from his dark curls as the seat up fully ; noticing the space he had come from and he smiled gently. “Quentin” He spoke carefully as he gently moved his hand to lay on his friend’s shoulder - giving it a short . sharp squeeze.
“..Ehm yes..?” Q mumbled out a reply - his eyes adjusted to the sight in front of him. The taller dark haired male , clothing needed adjusting yet the warming smile still stayed. “Let's move” El commented shortly as he moved to tap his knee hoping to wake him up more so they could move faster.
“Okay but where too?” The nerd yawned out but before he realized what was happening , El was pulling him to his feet then leading the way upstairs with a feeling of need behind it. The hallways became a blur as Q tried his hardest to pull himself fully awake. “Wait..uh..ehm El..” He forced out the words mid breath. “We have gone past my room already..”
“Yes - got a problem with that Quentin…” Eliot said shortly.
“No—not at all” Q commented shakily as he continued to be tugged to El’s room. Quentin felt a bubble of nerves as the unknown was about to swallow him whole as he never thought he would get to be invited to such a place. The two got into the bedroom and Q stood awkwardly while he watched El try to clear up empty wine bottles and he quickly emptied out full ashtrays. Quentin took a moment just to settle on the bed , it was softer than he thought.
“Why am I here El?” Q asked quietly while he watched the taller male buzzing around him.
“To sleep..” El stopped finally , his heart fluttering uncomfortably in his chest and he found it hard to breath or think probably.
“But–I haven’t got my..ehm” The nerd was rambling on but stopped suddenly and quickly.
“Just – we are sleeping here” Eliot barked , his eyes never looking toward Q as the words he wanted to say rolled around in his mind like a dice.
‘Just stay..please’
Q wasn’t used to this side of Eliot , it seemed almost desperate but not in the way he had seen before , he was probably touch starved just like him — maybe his touch was much more important to the taller male than he realized. Quentin shifted a little , kicking off his shoes, then he brought his attention back to Eliot. “Well I'm fine with that” He smiled sweetly , hoping for El to finally look at him ; the lack of eye contact from him put him on edge oddly enough.
“Good” Eliot snapped in a softer reply as his eyes darted over , his breathing finally evening out and that cunning smile tried to make a comeback. The brunette glazed at Q , he never thought he was confident enough to bring him here – the smaller male meant way too much to him and he never wanted to ruin it with a drunken one night stand.
Q felt like the ball was in his court now , El brought him here and that surely took him completely out of his own comfort zone. The hazel eyes glanced up as he shrugged. “Well – you know – I had a weird part of my dream ya know..” He started to ramble on. “I somehow smelt a familiar smell of apple sourz mixed with some kind of other spirits as well a rich smell of oak — how weird …”
Quentin looked up hopefully as he saw the familiar guilt and fear crawl across El’s face , the panic in his eyes was noticeable. “How weird..” Eliot said in a bored tone , trying to hide his feelings while he slowly moved to close his bedroom door.
Quentin may be a newbie at magic but emotions - well some emotions were easier to read than others and Eliot’s emotion was showing so much more than he bargained for. The smaller male smirked to himself as his taller friend’s back was turned. “Well maybe I wasn’t actually asleep..”
Eliot’s hand took a harder grip of the door handle , heat creeping across his neck as his gut twisted tightly. The brunette’s eyes fluttered closed as he tried to mask his uneven breathing , Q felt and smelt his breath as well as his aftershave – he couldn't mask that as them just being close...he wouldn't smelt the alcohol that hung heavily on his breath. Eliot knew he had fucked up royal now , he made Q uncomfortable – he was probably going to throw any remaining chance of even being closer to Q and that made him hate himself harder than anything.
Eliot cleared his throat , the pain from holding the door handle was crippling his hand now but the pain was holding him to reality. Q’s smirk faded slowly , he noticed he damaged Eliot was just a silly plot ; god he thought he was being clever. “El...look at me..” He said kindly , his voice softer than normal yet that wasn’t cutting through the wall’s that had now curved around the taller male. Quentin noticed how stiff his crush was – was he overstepping by trying to be more playful than his shy , nerdy self.
“Listen … fuck me” Q spoke nervously and the words had become more and more broken - he had fucked up surely. “I was … in and out of sleep – were you going to …?” The butterflies started in his stomach as well as his heart raced unsteadily within his chest yet it didn’t last long while his felt destructive thoughts came back like a knock at the door.
Quentin gave out a shaky breath , why would Eliot want him – he wasn’t talented , handsome or probably not even in Eliot’s top ten in the bedroom .. There was nothing special about him there. He cleared his thoughts and took to bite the bullet to leave when El finally spoke up.
“I was...thinking” The taller male’s voice trembled nervously as his fist finally came away from the door - he still wasn’t looking at Q ; he was too petrified - what was funny to him...he could easily laugh it off with Margo later for sure. “I want to...I mean I wanted to...shit Q” El was forcing the words out. “Yes.” He finished speaking ; hoping the words he was able to say were answering the question Q brought up.
The smaller male couldn’t believe it , his fingertips trembled and he rolled his lip between his teeth. “Well…that is good — I thought I was hallucinating or having my favorite dream again.” He spoke unevenly and he swallowed thickly. “Listen , I am not putting you in a box – if it was a passing thought then forgive me for bringing it up but I welcome it with open arms..”
That's right Eliot did feel trapped , not necessarily in a bad way but there is no way he can play this off now - no teasing or flirty comment could make this any better. The taller male's mouth was getting drier by the minute yet he knew Q was hanging in each word that could fall from his mouth. He could sense how kind and loving that boy could be so maybe just maybe this time he could open up without it breaking his heart.
"Ah...Q" He had to force the words out , his lungs feeling heavy like they were desperate for air. Eliot finally turned, he looked white as a ghost , fingers trembled that were now hidden in two fists.
"I c-can't...I am too scared.." The words came from his mouth like stones , heavy and tiresome to carry anymore. "Seriously Quentin.." Q watched as when the taller male's finished speaking his face turned almost soulless - eyes looked tired , lips created a solid straight light. "Hey...that's fine to admit.." The smaller male said quickly as he noticed how Eliot's lip turned in disgust -- was it because he was finally open with his feelings...God this man was more broken than he realized. "You can be scared , starting anything with anyone can be hard but know...well I will at least not try to use or hurt you if we're ever became an item if that is what another factor making your fearful"
Quentin slowly shifted closer and even noticed how even if he was taller, El was trying to curl himself away from him. The dirty haired blonde reached out , placing his hand upon his friend's arm before running it down to embrace the fist. The skin felt warm and he could even feel the way the trembling slowly came to a stop.
"Fuck Q you don't need to give me so much shitty pity.." Eliot sneered as he failed , no ignored the factor they were holding hands right now. The taller brunette didn't mean the words but it was another safeguard , maybe he could upset Q to leave with harsh words and untruthful lies.
Q was almost taken back by the words but he knew he had to just wait , maybe a lifetime but he was prepared. "Maybe it's not a pity - have you ever thought for one second I may feel the same way?" Q spoke with a raised eyebrow before giving the enclosed fist a tight squeeze. "Yeah obviously -- Q you don't know what the fuck you want ; yesterday you were almost drooling over Alice and now your suddenly fascinated with me -- bullshit" Eliot glared down with such spite, his defense mechanism on the highest level it has ever been -- he couldn't allow this to happen now ; not when he wasn’t fully prepared for it.
The shorter male glanced upward , to see his crushes face twisted in such a manner scared him slightly. "Yes - uh - I don't know what or who I want but.. I feel a connect here with you like never before just you are gonna find that fucking hard to believe as your so negative about the good things that could happen for you.."
Quentin didn't mean it in a harsh way but he was right and so was El - he had no idea why he felt that way about Alice before and he had no idea why he was so pulled toward him now -- he couldn't El just accept he was right and they could be somewhat of a couple..
Eliot rolled his eyes and unclenched one hand easily but then realized the warmth on his other hand , he wasn't expecting it either did he notice. "Q...listen" He sighed and before he could continue Q started rambling. "No you can't easily shut me out , I'm not a simple fan boy then you can shoo away -- you took me here why?"
Q questioned and the silence swallowed them both and he raised an eyebrow. "I know it's not an easy hook up as we would have been half naked by now right.. so one in your damn life be truthful and speak what you want to say.." The words snapped and echoed through Eliot’s mind , he never really saw Q stand up for himself or what he believed in till now and it was rather interesting how handsome he became with so few little words. Eliot took the moment to finally take a hold of Q’s hand , smoothing his fingertips against Q's – he never noticed how rough the nerd's hands were ; it was a small distraction that helped him calm down.
“I—” Eliot swallowed thickly before he finally took a long look at Quentin - taking in the shining personality that flowed from him like a river. “I wanted to get you more comfortable - to hold you here..” He spoke weakly as his eyes fell closed - focusing on the connection between them. “You deserve so much more than the shitty sofa downstairs” Q felt a shimmer of hope , of course it was a thread but it was so much more than he expected. “Wow..I never thought it would be so innocent..” The smaller male teased and Eliot opened his eyes but then quickly rolled his eyes with a sigh.
“My life isn't about sex , drugs and drama – I am a human being” Eliot spoke up and raised an eyebrow before Q spoke up again. “But spooning doesn’t normally include kissing if I remember correctly – that's what you wanted right..?”
The taller brunette was amazed how much Q could read him like a book - he may as well be a book about Fillory as he felt too open right now. “Well I already answered that before – yes” The blonde haired male chuckled a little before he slowly let go of Eliot’s hand and he felt the fingers chase after his touch yet he had so much more in mind. Quentin shifted closer - slowly cupping Eliot’s face and he noticed the shaky breath ; almost like El was checking if he was dreaming or not. The smaller male was on his tippy toes yet he took the time to smooth his fingertips against the sideburns - humming slowly. “Well like I said before - I am not against it..so we don't have an issue – we just gotta be adults about this and take the step if we are on the same page”
Eliot was stunned - Q had made much more sense in this moment than within his fucked up years on this shitty up planet. The dark haired male eventually shifted his hands forward to settle upon Q’s sides - giving it a good squeeze. “Once again my little genius – always full of wisdom..” He chuckled , feeling his stress he had held on for a past hour slowly was being drained by being connected with Quentin. The blonde haired male’s heart fluttered at the fact Eliot called him his , it was silly yet he couldn't help but smile more and more.
"So there is nothing wrong with allowing yourself what you want and if that is me .... then allow me" He cleared his throat as he felt the nervousness bundle in his stomach , like a rocky sea. Quentin shifted upward and missed sadly due to the height difference - he placed a sweet kiss upon the corner of Eliot's lips yet he was slightly amazed Eliot moved to correct his placement; their lips settled upon each other. The moment was so sweet and sincere till Q's legs gave way from being on his tippy toes for too long , knocking Eliot into the nearby door.
"Shit Quentin didn't know you were going to man handle so soon" Eliot teased but he saw the way the blush crept across Q's face as he stumbled to speak up. "N-no...I just - ah - I lost my balance, your tall and I'm short...I wanted to kiss you yet I forget your so freaking tall" He whined as he felt so embarrassed - he knew it was just his crush playing around with him but god he had to mess up something so particular like a kiss.
"Q it's okay.." The taller male chuckled lowly and it vibrated through Quentin - like good music nurturing the soul. "How about we shift positions...hmm?" The darker orbs took in the sight , Q was still fluttered and trying to force words out - rather adorable.
He wanted so much to pick up the smaller male , to caress his lower back and give his ass a little squeeze just to see the reaction but that was a fantasy - he could see no matter how strong Q was his insecurities overflowed his senses , making it hard to notice Eliot was only joking.
The larger hands gave a short squeeze where they laid on Q’s waist and even then he could feel the way Q's body reacted to him , it was like electricity and it made him smile slightly. Once he took a moment to study Q , he moved a hand to hold one of Q’s to bring him to the bed with a soft caring smile.
"Do you want to be the little spoon or the big spoon Q?" He asked kindly before he settled his hand on Quentin’s thigh- giving it a caress with his fingertips.
Q's mind was short-circuiting as he felt a familiar touch yet this was so intense - was it because they kissed or was it his broken brain working this up more than it needed to be. "Little spoon , yeah..little" He spoke confidently yet his words shook unevenly but had to put on a brave face - this is much more than he was expecting.
"Great" Eliot chirped and allowed his hand to slip away, separating them slowly. Quentin blinked as though to take his position first - noticing how he didn't get rejected made him feel bubbles of happiness within his heart. He laid his head against the nearby pillow and shortly after he felt Eliot’s arms wrap around him softly ; his face nuzzled into the back of Q’s neck.
Quentin shifted but he slowly tried to relax within the familiar arms of the taller male , his eyes fell closed in till he felt the warmth of his lips against the nape of his neck. Eliot felt Q shiver and he smiled against the skin as he allowed his hands to wander under Q’s shirt - feeling the skin.
"El.." Quentin mumbled as he turned his head to meet his eyes with Eliot’s. "My ... neck is sensitive and where are your hands going..?" The hazel eyes shifted nervously while he felt his cheek glow with a rosy blush. "Anywhere they want ... if you're comfortable with it.." Eliot said clearly and Quentin had to think it over , was he really okay with it...he was...right, feeling his crushes larger hands map out his middle upto his ribcage ; was driving him slightly crazy.
"Yeah...just..." Quentin fell silent as he tried not just to focus on how close they were right now - he didn't want to ruin this with getting hard so soon. "I'm comfortable with it but don't allow your hands to wander too far..."
Quentin spoke quietly and Eliot could see how fragile Q was right now - he had to reassure him even if he was a man who had had a few men in his bed , this was more special to him. "That's fine sweetheart...scared of making a mess already Q?" Eliot teased with a grin.
"No I won't...I haven’t ever...shit" Q gasps out the words before he is silenced with a longing kiss - both of the connections were making Q feel like he was on cloud nine. The two shifted so now they were facing each other , without disconnecting their loving kiss --- nothing too rushed or messy , it was just right. Quentin took the lead , deepening the kiss and allowing his tongue to dance across Eliot’s as his hands rested on the taller male's shoulders.
To be honest , neither of them ever thought they would have even gotten this far - fears and other complications were washed away like some beautiful waves lapping at a beach shore. The way their hearts - no spirits linked up in away neither of them had felt made it a whole new experience, Quentin was the first one to back off for a shallow breath , his hands now gripping onto the shirt - he should apologize another time for maybe ruining a shirt but he could see Eliot wasn’t really caring too much because they were together - finally.
Eliot’s heart was hitting his ribcage like a drum yet his face and body language never showed it , it wasn’t anything against Q - he loved him more than he could translate over in words and even allowing himself to lay here with him was something he never thought would happen. “You are more perfect than you realize Q”
“Shh you...I am not - far from it” Quentin commented with a tiny chuckle to himself. “My nerd persona isn’t that much of a catch” Q watched a wave of worry wash over Eliot - of course he couldn't see himself thought the taller man’s eyes ; he always thought himself to be trash and unworthy for love - it probably wasn't true but he has felt it for years.
“Quentin, do you trust me?” The dark curly haired male questioned with a sting of seriousness within , the dark hazel eyes danced with a flame of emotions. “Of course I do..” Q mumbled and glazed downward , focusing on the details on Eliot’s shirt. “Well when I speak – when we are alone like this I mean every word...I may mess around and tease you but my heart wouldn't ever say anything against you..”
The words echoed and lingered in Q’s ever working mind , he had never noticed how much someone could feel connected through words and the words coming from Eliot made him want to melt away to stay in this moment. “O-Oka-ay..” Q breathed out and moved upward to kiss the other male again - breathing in and taking in whatever he could from Eliot ; from the person he had thought about since they had met. Quentin liked the way Eliot kissed him , the way the larger hand would cup the back of his neck and when they moved their noses would brush against each other’s. The nerd never felt one with someone when it was out of sex - to be one with someone this way was new to him and it was perfect it was Eliot he could share this moment with. Quentin came back at the stinging ache of Eliot nipping at his jawline – since when did they part? Was he truly that spaced out on his love for El that he didn't sense him move?
The pleasant feeling of the sweet , tender kisses stopped and Eliot nuzzled into his neck. Q smoothed his hands back into the thick locks - recreating their arrangements slightly from being down on that said shitty sofa yet this time they were much closer than before. Eliot’s long legs was intertwined with his own , the long lasting feeling of love hung to the air – a new adventure for them both to enjoy.
The evening that started with a few drinks and cuddles on the sofa – ended like this , something almost magical about them finally admitting they had feelings for each other. Quentin never knew how long this was going to last but to be forever with Eliot’s arms would be a dream come true.