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Anthony found himself in love with the son of a rival mafia leader… of course he did. They met on accident in the same shady club. Nicky was short, hazel eyes with swirls of green, he was all laughs and smiles. It didn’t take long for them to fall head over heels in love. Only took a few months after that to find out who each other's families were. Nicky did drugs for fun, to destress, he didn’t need them. Anthony NEEDED them. Anthony needed them just to get through the day. He hid that from Nicky for a long time. They only met at night, at random cheap motels under fake names. Nicky wanted more. Anthony thought that was stupid. The more they fought over this the less Anthony cared about Nicky seeing how much he really depended on drugs.
Tonight was Nicky’s breaking point. He came to their shitty motel meet up only to see Anthony already fucked up. To say he was enraged would be dismissive of all the pain he felt.
“No Anthony fuck this! I’m fuckin tired of it! We either leave together or I’m leaving ya’s.” Nicky was breathing hard, his chest chest rising and falling quickly.
Anthony’s high had already taken over any rational thought. “Baby come on” he laughed and patted the musty motel bedding. “Come ‘ere” his head rolled back and he laughed again. “I think you just need me to fuck yous good. It’s been a while, you’re stressed and need a release” he moved to pat at his lap then gripped his crotch “I’ve been selfish making you do all the work baby” he mock pouted and reached to grab onto Nicky’s hand so he could pull the other into his lap. “Lemme take care of yous” Anthony purred with a big smile.
Nicky ripped his hand back, all he could do was look at Anthony in disbelief. “Don’t ya laugh at me” his voice was so hurt. He sounded broken. “I don’t just need to be fucked. I need to stop having the only moments with the man I love being in shitty motel rooms while ya are fucking high Anthony. Don’t ya love me? Or am I just an easy fuck for yous because that’s all this seems to be now.” The past few months of their relationship sunk like the bodies Anthony helped throw into the Hudson River.
Anthony let out an exacerbated huff “Jesus Christ if I wanted to deal with these emotions I would have sucked it up and gotten with some bitch on the rag.” He laughed in disbelief like Nicky was simply being ridiculous. God his head was spinning. “I had to kill three dudes today, Nicky. Three.” And then he held up his hand to count on his fingers “One. Two, Three. Nicky. Just today! That was just today and it’s more than yous eva done!” Anthony screamed at Nicky, not caring about who heard him through the paper thin walls. He sat back hard and turned to look at Nicky “I come here to have fun. If you don’t want to have fun then fuck off. I can’t fulfill your stupid fantasy of us running away together.” He waves his hand at his shoulder to tell him to go. He sat up to draw importance to what he was going to say next. “I’m actually needed in my family, kays? I’m actually really fuckin important here.” He crossed his arms “You can either fill that pretty nose of yours with some angel dust then A get on my lap, or B bend me over this fucking bed. Or, ya can get out because I don't fuckin’ care, and I'm not having this goddamn conversation again.” he laughed again and sat back In hopes his vision would stop swaying.
“Have your fun, Anthony. But ya ain't seeing me again. Not like this. And I'm leaving the family business so there will be no ways of finding me. I’m going to actually find someone who loves me more than coke and I’m moving far away from this goddamn city..” he slammed the motel door.
Anthony first burst out in laughter, was this funny? No wait, Nicky left.. Did Nicky leave him? Actually, leave him?
“No no no” Anthony groaned and held his head. He loved him so much, why the fuck did this have to happen? Why couldn’t Nicky understand? The only way you leave the family is a casket. Why couldn’t Nicky just be happy and have fun? That's all Anthony wanted to do. His family needed him. Nicky didn't do half the shit he did for his family. What's Nicky's problem? It's all stupid anyway. He didn't need Nicky, any man was LUCKY to get with Anthony… maybe he was better off without Nicky… yeah…
Nicky was right. Anthony never saw him again. About a month later Nicky tried to leave his family's business. He admitted why he wanted to leave. He was gay and couldn’t keep playing pretend. So they beat him to death. They didn't hide the fact that Nicky was a ‘fuck up’ they used him as an example...
Anthony didn’t even get to go to the funeral, if he did he would have been immediately killed by Nickys' family. It was a few weeks later when he finally made it to Nickys' grave. Anthony was already high and nursing a bottle of booze. “I fucking told you! I told you’d we’d just fuckin die! Now look at you” he kicked the headstone hard but that just caused him to start sobbing, the physical pain allowing the emotional release. “Fuck yous! Why couldn’t you be happy with what we had? Selfish prick.” He spat at the headstone. “No no no” he instantly felt regret. “ I’m sorry baby. Fuck” he wiped off the spit off the D, Dominick, Nicky, his Nicky… his Nicky was dead. Instantly he was angry again and punched the headstone. “Why the fuck did I do that again?” he held his hand and shut his eyes tightly trying to force the tears and the pain away.
Anthony didn't visit the grave again, barely eight months later he was buried in his own. In a cemetery across town from his Nicky.