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The library had done a lot to Carmilla in recent months. Some of it helpful, some of it hindrance. But, she wasn’t sure what it was going for now. She and Laura were in a stalemate. They were speaking, but neither one of them were actually ready to talk. About her mother, about Mattie, about Danny, about Laura’s (and maybe Carmilla’s) missing friends, they just weren’t there yet. Their aimless small talk was painful, but also all they had holding them together. And she’d be damned if she was ready or willing to lose that little bit they had.
Carmilla tried the door again, hopeful that the library had had enough if its own games. “No dice, cupcake. Looks like we might be here for the long haul.” Carmilla shook her head, even as she pulled on the door again. Laura sat quietly in a corner, her face scrunched into the expression Carmilla loved to cause, but hated seeing otherwise. “No worries, cutie. I’m not really sure what it is, but there’s likely to be a method to this madness. It found me when I needed it so maybe there’s something to that.” The frown etched into Laura’s features dropped slightly. “We might as well try to get some sleep since for once we seem to be stuck in a room with couches.” Carmilla pointed, for emphasis, to the two torn and faded gray dorm couches adorning opposite walls of the room in which they sat.
Laura sighed before nodded moving closer to Carmilla in silence. The silence wasn’t eerie or awkward, but it was heavy, laced with things they hadn’t said, weren’t ready to say and weren’t ready to hear. “You should sleep too, Carm. I know you’re all nocturnal, but this place is pretty much a cave, meaning no difference between daytime and nighttime. And you can’t have been sleeping much since you went all ‘Here’s Johnny!’” Carmilla’s mouth opened to argue, but Laura stopped her. “You had perfectly good reason to.” Laura’s voice was dark and soft, a contrast to her usual tone and optimism. “Hell, you still do. I wouldn’t blame you for being angry with me or going all ‘The Shining’ on me even now.” Laura’s eyelids drooped. Carmilla nodded softly, unsure how to reply, when Laura removed the option of response by dropping onto the couch across from her. “Goodnight, Carm.” Laura whispered softly into the heavy air, closing her eyes and turning her back.
Carmilla waited, listening as Laura’s breaths evened out and became deeper. “Goodnight, cupcake.” Her heart aching with all of the things they were leaving unsaid between them. Carmilla laid back on the couch, closing her eyes, feeling herself settle and relax in Laura’s sleeping company. Carmilla’s thoughts mulled over things she wanted to say to Laura, wondering if she’d ever muster the courage to say them, or if Laura would ever let herself believe them. “Cupcake?” Carmilla waited knowing the girl across from her was asleep but testing the waters to be sure. When she received no response, she continued. “I forgive you, sweetheart. Anger is easier to use than hurt, but harder to hold on to. Yeah, I’m still hurt. But, try as I might, and I can’t say I’ve tried that hard because I don’t want to, I still love you, cupcake.” Carmilla paused, hearing a whimper escape Laura’s mouth, her breaths still even. Carmilla sat watching the steady rise and fall of Laura’s chest. “I just hope at some point you can say the same to me. And mean it about all of me, the good and the bad.” Carmilla let her drift off to sleep after the words had left her mouth, lulled by the soft in and out of Laura’s breathing and the steady thump of her heart.
Laura groaned, a skittering waking her from sound sleep. She blinked a few times before her eyes searched the darkness for any threat. Carmilla stirred, but didn’t waken. Laura’s eyes adjusted to the shadows taking over the room. Her eyes landed on a table sitting between the couches they had camped on. Laura’s brow furrowed as she tried to puzzle out the sudden appearance of the table, not only the table but its contents as well. Sitting smack center of the table was a mug of hot chocolate, still steaming, and a mug of blood, laced with chocolate. Laura’s eyes searched the room, but found nothing. “Carm.” She whispered, not entirely sure she wanted to disturb Carmilla whose porcelain face was a picture of relaxation. “Carm.” She spoke louder, causing Carmilla to rustle and groan. “CARM.” Laura’s tone was forceful, causing Carmilla to sit up abruptly, with a glare plastered to her face. Laura’s tone was back to soft and edged in curiosity. “It looks like the library didn’t want us to dehydrate.” Laura’s gaze flickered down to the table in front of her before returning to the sexily, sleepy face of her one time paramour.
“I see that, cupcake.” Carmilla leaned forward trying to discern if there was trouble attached to the mugs or if it just happened to be a helpful library moment. “Well I guess drink up. Nothing really seems out of sorts with this setup, other than a phantom library entity provided them.” Laura scoffed as Carmilla leaned forward picking up the mug of blood. Carmilla grinned before downing the mug in a few quick gulps. Carmilla smirked as Laura followed suit. “Ok, cutie. Back to sleep, we can’t have had more than an hour or two. Maybe less.” Laura nodded, her eyelids already drooping as she shifted back onto her couch this time facing Carmilla. Carmilla looked at Laura for a few minutes before allowing sleep to pull her back under.
When she woke again, she could barely make out the couch across from her, let alone the girl on it. Carmilla shook her head, unsure why she was struggling with the darkness. She sat up slowly, feeling a little dizzy with the motion. “Jesus.” She gasped, causing the other body to shift. Her voice came out soft and smooth, pushed between teeth. Something wasn’t quite right. Carmilla’s eyes adjusted, taking in the darkness. Across from her, she could make out the silhouette of Laura as she shifted and sat up on the couch opposite her. Carmilla groaned.
“Carm?” Laura queried, her voice coming out husky and smoky, still riddled with sleep. After a moment Carmilla could see, Laura sitting before her in her black t-shirt, leather jacket, and ripped black pants. Carmilla could see her own face staring back at her etched in confusion. Her own voice spoke again. “Carm? Why am I looking at myself? Why can I see myself! WHY?” Though still smoky and husky, there was no longer sleep tinging her voice as she spoke. Carmilla watched as her own face flitted through expressions that she was pretty sure would only look right on Laura’s face. She watched her own face bunch up in the adorable way that only Laura’s could.
Carmilla couldn’t contain her laughter. “Probably for the same reason I’m currently watching my own face do that bunched up face you do, buttercup. I gotta say it’s so much better on your own face, cupcake.” Carmilla winked causing Laura to sigh loudly. “Oh wow. My own body is sighing at me. This is surreal. I know I’ve told you I like being inside you, sweetheart, but this takes that statement to a whole ‘nother level.” Carmilla bit her lip, holding back her laughter as she watched a light rose colored flush form on her own cheeks.
“Carm. This isn’t a joke.”
“I don’t know, cupcake. Pretty sure every existentialist, ever would disagree with you on that.” Carmilla chuckled, delighting in the sound of Laura’s laugh, it felt like it had been forever since she’d heard it. Even if it was coming from her for the moment, it was still like music. Laura groaned, standing to move around the room. “Whoa, there, buttercup. No need to use the speed. This room isn’t overly large. I’d like my body back in one piece when this is all over.”
Carmilla was beginning to worry that groans and sighs were going to be Laura’s main form of communication when she spoke again. “I don’t know how to control it.” Laura watched a grimace crawl across her own face as she turned to walk back to where Carmilla sat and instead ended up falling into her. Carmilla laid under Laura holding back laughter. Their faces inches apart.
“I know I come off as a bit of a narcissist, but this is stretching it even for me.” Carmilla watched as Laura sighed at her while trying to get up from straddling her. “It’ll be ok.” Carmilla watched her own back turn and she could see from the set of her own shoulders that Laura was getting frustrated. “Hey. Hey Laura. It’ll be ok. We’ll figure it out.” Carmilla walked to where Laura stood, placing her hand on her shoulder and turning Laura to face her. It felt weird to Carmilla to have to look up slightly when talking to Laura, but that weirdness didn’t even remotely top having to look at Laura’s reactions fluttering across her own face. She pulled Laura in for a hug. “I’m thinking it might have to do with our midnight snack, cupcake.” Laura’s arms clasped around Carmilla’s neck, bringing a sigh to both of their lips. “So?” She pulled back to look into the suddenly expressive face Laura was now wearing. She found her own coffee toned eyes imbued with Laura’s lightness and spirit. Laura could make anything brighter.
“What do you think the library is going for with this whole thing?” Laura made an uncertain hand motion between the two of them. “I mean I know the saying is you have to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes to understand them.” Laura’s eyebrows raised questioningly. “Maybe the library wants us to understand each other.”
“I don’t know. Maybe.” Carmilla bit her lip to hold in the thought, but couldn’t help herself. “If you get to be in my shoes, I get to be in your pants.” Laura watched as Carmilla’s face lit with a smirk that made no sense on the face she was wearing, but was still unbearably Carmilla. Laura shook her head lightly, refraining from smacking Carmilla's shoulder knowing she wasn't able to control the speed or strength at the moment, and stifled laughter at the comment that was also so very Carmilla. “No but really, if that’s the case what do you feel. I mean. You’re wearing my body.” Laura nodded, her expression still holding the faintest hints of bewilderment. “There hasn’t been a time when I was in it that I didn’t have a reaction to your presence.” Carmilla could feel the heat of a blush of her own, Laura’s, cheeks as she felt the scrutinizing gaze that was roving over her. She groaned lightly, she didn’t blush, as a rule.
Laura stopped, looking down at the ground, her hands twisted in the hem of the shirt her body wore. “Oh.” A smile flirted at the edges of her lips as she turned attention back to Carmilla who was steadfastly studying the floor. “Ok. What do you feel?” Laura found herself staring into her own amber toned eyes when Carmilla flicked her head up. Laura felt Carmilla rake her own eyes traveling up and down her before settling back in to gaze directly into the eyes Laura wore.
“Oh.” Carmilla chastised herself for her complete lack of eloquence. Before she could say more, Laura was there in front of her. “Laura, you know I’m not great with the whole feelings thing.” Laura pulled her into a hug, each of them feeling the emotions of the bodies they wore.
Laura pulled back her eyes searching the face before her. “I know. Carm. We can figure this whole thing out later.” Carmilla nodded gently, looking directly into the eyes taking up her field of vision. “I mean we’ve definitely gotten a step in the right direction here, right?” Both of their faces softened. Laura leaned forward her lips just brushing Carmilla’s ears, “Can I?”
Carmilla sighed contentedly. “Always, cupcake. Always.” Carmilla moved first though, pulling Laura into a bruising kiss.
Laura pulled back after a few minutes, her eyes still closed. “Never have I wanted to kiss myself ever, before. So this whole thing is weird.” Laura laughed lightly. Carmilla’s eyes opened suddenly at the sound of Laura’s laugh.
“Cupcake.” Laura’s eyes burst open as the sound of Carmilla’s voice, husky and smoky and just how it should be. “Do you still want to kiss yourself?” Carmilla winked before capturing Laura’s lips again. Laura sighed, her smile breaking the kiss. “I can think of so many better ways to be inside you, cutie.” Laura blushed again, pulling Carmilla in for another kiss, quieting the laugh that was escaping her lips.